presented to: los angeles county by: dr. annetta l. cheek date: august, 2007 plain language
TRANSCRIPT
Presented to: Los Angeles County
By: Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
Date: August, 2007
Plain Language
2Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
Presentation Outline
Introduction
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials, using Stylewriter
Benefits of Plain Language
3Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
Presentation Outline
Introduction
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials; using Stylewriter
Benefits of Plain Language
4Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
Introductions
Logistics
Goals for today
Definition of plain language
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Goals for today
• Understand the benefits of plain language
• Recognize common style faults in County materials that decrease clarity
• Know the definition of plain language, and the importance of audience
• Know how to use plain language techniques to improve clarity
• Understand how to use Stylewriter to improve style and clarity
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What is Plain Language?
Material is in plain language if readers can
• Find what they need
• Understand what they find
• Use it to fulfill their needs
And they should be able to do this the first time they read or hear it!
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The most important principle:
Think about your audience!
• You must understand your audience’s knowledge of and familiarity with a topic.
• What is plain language for one audience may not be plain language for another audience.
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Presentation Outline
Introduction
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials; using Stylewriter
Benefits of Plain Language
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Some benefits of plain language
• Plain language also results in better compliance with instructions.
• People think you’re smarter when you write in plain language.
• Plain language saves time and money for both the author and the audience.
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• The result – Significantly fewer calls from customers.
• One office, in Jackson, MS, decided to rewrite one standard letter into plain language.
Veterans Benefits Administration
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Fewer calls from customers
Old letter Plain Language
letter
Calls to each counselor each month
91.4 16
Total calls each year, 10 counselors
10,968 1920
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• Revised regulations about radio operations on pleasure boats to improve their clarity.
• A Washington-based firm studied the ability of users to find answers to questions in the old and new versions.
• The test groups included both new and experienced users.
Federal Communications Commission
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Less time for users to solve a problem (in minutes)
Type of user Old rule New rule
Experienced 2.43 1.50
Inexperienced 3.51 1.73
FCC pleasure boat radio regulation
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• An extensive project revising forms into plainer language and format.
• As a result, they saved time for their agencies and achieved a higher rate of compliance with requirements.
Canadian Government
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Shorter processing, more returns
Name of Form Original Version
Plain Language Version
Operating Grant Application
Staff processing time – 20 minutes
Staff processing time – 3 minutes
Grant Report 25% return rate 50% return rate
Tree Nursery Order Form
40% error rate 20% error rate
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• The British government also had a huge “forms project” to redo many forms into plainer language and format.
• As in Canada, they decreased the workload of their staff and achieved a better response from the public.
British government
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Fewer errors, less staff time
Form to claim lost baggage
Error rate Cost of rewrite
Savings
Old form 55%
Plain Language form
3% $3,500 3,700 staff hours, $45,000 each year
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• Every several years the Veterans Benefits Administration sends a letter to all veterans, asking them for an up-to-date beneficiary.
• If a veteran dies and the beneficiary listed in his VA file isn’t valid, the VA must find a valid beneficiary.
• It costs the VA several thousand dollars to do the research to find a valid beneficiary.
Veterans Benefits Administration
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Response rate
Original letter 35%
Plain language letter
58%
Higher response rate, lower costs
Estimated savings
$8 mil every mailing cycle
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• Research project to study the effects of using plain language on the performance of a financial services company, BANCO.
• The researcher translated scripts used by Banco’s service staff to answer customer questions over the phone.
Private sector
• Two groups of 30 subjects – one used the original document, the other the plain language version. (Neither had experience with the topic covered by the document.)
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• The PL group was 61.2% more satisfied with their documents than the original document group.
• The PL Group preferred all aspects of their documents.
• The PL group said their documents improved their ability to find, understand and use information required for their jobs.
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Productivity Up 36.9%
Errors Down 77.1%
Number of calls to help desk
Down 17.4%
Length of calls to help desk
Down 10.5%
Predicted improvements based on the two sample groups
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Presentation Outline
Introduction
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials; using Stylewriter
Benefits of Plain Language
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Overview of Plain Language Techniques
None of the techniques we’ll discuss define plain language – rather, they are ways to achieve plain language.
Together, these techniques help you be clear and concise.
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Use:
Informative headings
Active voice
Pronouns
Lists and tables
Common words
Logical organization
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Avoid:
Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin
Confusing constructions
Unnecessary words
Information the audience doesn’t need
Long sentences
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A general principle – Less is more!
Plain language usually – but not always – helps you be more concise.
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Organize logically for the reader
There are several standard ways to organize:
Chronological
Most important first
General first, special and exceptions last
If you find material more than once, suspect poor organization
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What would you be looking for first if you had to go to these sites?
Abducted child
Building permit
Dog bite
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Headings
Questions – Why should we use headings?
Statements – Headings help guide readers
Topics - Headings
There are three types of headings
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The most useful headings
• But don’t make up the questions – use question headings only if you know the audience’s questions.
• Are question headings, because people generally come to our documents with questions.
• Let’s look at a County document with question headings.
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Use active voice
• Subject, verb, predicate – Who, does what, to what or whom.
We charged the incorrect amount.
• The best sentences are like the ones you first learned in school.
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Avoid passive voice
• Passive voice is harder to understand.
• Passive voice can confuse the audience because it’s not clear who does what.
• Passive voice is one of the major problems of bureaucratic writing.
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What is passive voice?
The actor follows the verb.
Some form of the verb “to be” is combined with the past participle of another verb.
The frog was swallowed by Fred.
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Passive Voice
Can disguise who does what:
A frog was swallowed.
Active Voice
Makes it clear who does what:
Fred swallowed a frog.
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Passive Voice
Is often longer:
The application must be completed by the applicant and received by the grants office by June 1st. 17 words
Active VoiceCuts the number of words:We must receive your completed application by June 1st. 9 words
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Use pronouns to speak to the audience
• Using general nouns such as “beneficiary” or “purchaser” requires the audience to “translate” before they can be sure you are talking to them.
• Research shows that people relate better to information that talks directly to them by using pronouns.
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How to use pronouns
Refer to your organization as “we”
Refer to the reader as “you” in the text and as “I” in questions
Make sure you define “we” and “you”
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Let’s use pronouns and active voice to improve a couple of your sentences.
In the event that a graffiti removal request is reported that may not be the responsibility of the Los Angeles County Department of Public Works, you will be directed to the appropriate agency. (33 words)
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If you submit a graffiti removal request that is not our responsibility, we will direct you to the appropriate agency. (20 words)
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Easy access to information and resources concerning long-term care issues for seniors and the disabled has been made available on a new website developed by the County Department of Community and Senior Services. (33 words)
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We developed a new website to give you easy access to information and resources about long-term care for seniors and the disabled. (22 words)
You can easily get information and resources on long-term care for seniors and the disabled on our new website. (19 words)
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Using lists and tables
• Make sure that all the items in a list are constructed in a parallel way – each item should start with the same part of speech.
• Using conjunctions (“and”) and disjunctions (“or”) improperly can confuse the audience, and even give incorrect information.
• Lists can be a very powerful way to convey information.
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Lists, cont’d
Consider this confusing list.
Try not to mix “and” and “or” in one list.
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You may be able to receive a temporary supply of that prescription. You can receive a temporary supply if:
•You are within the first 90 days of coverage under the new drug plan AND
•You were auto-enrolled into the plan and they don't cover your drug OR
•You didn't know that your drug wasn't covered OR
•You didn't know that you could request an exception to the formulary.
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You can read this list two ways:
• It requires bullets 1 and 2; or just bullet 3, or just bullet 4.
• It requires bullet 1 and bullet 2 or 3 or 4.
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I would say:
You may be able to receive a temporary supply of that prescription if you are within the first 90 days of coverage of your new plan. You must also meet one of the following conditions:
•You were auto-enrolled into the plan and they don't cover your drug; or
•You didn't know that your drug wasn't covered; or
•You didn't know that you could request an exception for your drug.
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Lists, cont’d
• Don’t make lists too long
• Research suggests that 7 items is the maximum number of items that can be understood easily.
• For verbal delivery, I’d say 4 or 5 is the most you should use. You have lists much longer.
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I did find lots of long and confusing lists in your material.
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What are the types of referrals received by the IA Unit?
The following represent a cross section of referrals:
• abuse of authority/intimidation (e.g., using one's position to manipulate a participant or employee).
• misappropriation of internal funds (i.e., stealing public money, negotiables).
• conflict of interest (e.g., an employee living with a participant).
• breach of confidentiality (e.g., using confidential participant information for personal gain, or sharing a confidential password for computer access).
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• falsification of employment applications, workers' compensation claims, examination records, timecards, and internal records.
• systems abuse (e.g., embezzlement).
• unreported employment or earnings (e.g., part-time work exceeding the 24 hour/week limit).
• gambling on duty or on County property.
• extortion of funds from participants; solicitation of bribes.
• drug/alcohol sales on County property.
• inappropriate, dishonest and/or criminal conduct.
• sexual harassment of applicants/participants.
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Use common words
• Big words do not make you look smarter!
• Avoid uncommon words, bureaucratic words, foreign words, and jargon.
• Even highly educated people read faster and with better comprehension if you stick with common words.
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Common words
Instruct Tell
Receive Get
Obtain Get
Assistance Help
Regarding About
Retain Keep
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Abbreviations
• Using abbreviations turns your material into a research project for readers.
• Readers complain more about abbreviations and acronyms than about any other feature of bureaucratic writing.
• If your abbreviation has another, more common meaning, your audience will forget your special meaning and remember the more common one.
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How can you fix abbreviations?
• Instead, use “nicknames” such as “unit” instead of WPU for Witness protection unit, or “case review” instead of PQCR for Peer Quality Case Review.
• Don’t use more than two, and at most three, abbreviations in each written document.
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Jargon
I found lots of jargon I your material:
harborage
continuity assumptions
evidence-based programs
transient docks
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Bureaucratic and legalistic words
• Herein• Hereafter• Hereby• Pursuant to• In accordance with• Shall (use “must” instead)
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Latin terms
• “i.e.” and “e.g.” are major problems.
• Many people do not know what these mean.
• Many who do know the meanings don’t remember which is which.
• Other Latin terms to avoid – “via” “per”
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Avoid confusing constructions
• Slashes
• Misplaced modifiers and other words
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Confusing constructions - slashes
• The most common use of the slash is in “either/or” and “and/or”
• In most cases, when you use one of these constructions, you mean either one term, or the other. Don’t make the audience decide which.
• In the few cases where you truly mean both, write them out.
• Apart from fractions, the slash has almost no good uses.
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Confusing constructions - Misplaced modifiers
• Sloppy word placement can cause ambiguity.
• Put conditionals such as “only” or “always” and other modifiers next to the words they modify.
• Write “you are required to provide only the following,” not “you are only required to provide the following.”
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Some examples from your documents• Los Angeles County has been limited to only spend its money on children in
out-of-home care.
• Only carry the credit and identification cards you need.
• The Public Defender only represents persons subject to criminal prosecution, civil commitment, or contempt citation.
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Avoid unnecessary words
• We’ve already covered some techniques that help you cut excess words – using pronouns and active verbs are the two main ones.
• This is a huge topic. Recognizing what words you can cut out is a talent you develop over time.
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A few LA examples of wordiness
At the time of its enactment At enactment or when enacted
We have taken a number of steps
We have taken steps
We wrote the report in an effort to provide
We wrote the report to provide
Three hours in a 24-hour period
Three hours in 24
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Other ways to avoid excess words—Look for
• Prepositional phrases
• Redundancies
• Hidden verbs
• Excess modifiers
• Doublets
• Meaningless formal language
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Excess words - redundancies
Redundancies are words or phrases you don’t need because you already said the same thing.
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Redundancies
• At a later time • Later
• During that time period
• Worked jointly together
• Level of coverage
• Will plan in the future
• At least 12 years of age or older
• During that time, or then
• Worked together
• Coverage
• Will plan
• At least 12
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Unnecessary words - prepositional phrases
• Did you notice that a lot of the previous examples included prepositional phrases?
• Try to reduce these phrases to one or two words.
• Suspect prepositional phrases as a source of excess words.
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Instead of Use
• For the purpose of • For, to
• At this point in time • Now
• In relation to • About, in, with
• On the grounds that • Because
• On a monthly basis • Monthly
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Excess words - hidden verbs
• Hidden verbs are verbs disguised as nouns. They are generally longer than their true verb forms.
• Hidden verbs are very common in bureaucratic writing.
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Conduct an analysis Analyze
Present a report Report
Make recommendations
Recommend
Provide assistance Help
The use of Using
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And while we’re on the topic of verbs
• Always use the simplest form of a verb that works
• Simpler verbs are stronger than complex verbs
• For example, use simple past when possible (“we finished the project”) rather than past perfect (“we had finished the project”)
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Excess words – unnecessary modifiers
• English speakers use many excess modifiers in our writing and in our speech.
• They pad our writing, and often don’t make sense.
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Common excess modifiers
Absolutely, completely, totally, really, very
Eliminate them. If the resulting wording doesn’t convey your meaning, pick a stronger word.
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• It is absolutely essential that you contact me at once.
• It is imperative that you contact me at once.
• You must contact me at once.
• I had a really good time at your party.
• I had a wonderful time at your party.
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Here’s a couple examples from your materials
• This plan is truly intended to be regional and integrated.
• Individuals who have been seriously underserved
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When you think about them, these excessive modifiers often don’t even make sense.
• Totally unaffected
• Completely finished
• Really pregnant
• An absolute success!
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Unnecessary words - doublets
In English, we love to repeat words, especially in legal forms.
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Common doublets
• Cease and desist
• Due and payable
• Begin and commence
• Knowledge and information
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General wordy phrase help
For a list of wordy phrases and suggested alternatives, see www.plainlanguage.gov
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Excess words - Meaningless formal language
• Meaningless formal language wastes space and your reader’s time.
• It conveys the impression that you are insincere.
• • Bureaucratic letters often contain this language, especially in first and last sentences.
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Some LA County letters
• Thank you for contacting us. We hope you find the information useful.
• Thank you for bringing this complaint to our attention.
• Thanks for your e-mail asking if
Make every first and last sentence in your letters meaningful and content-laden.
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Information the reader doesn’t want or need
• Bureaucratic writing is full of unnecessary information.
• Don’t give your readers a dissertation, just give them what they need.
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The Los Angeles County Department of Community and Senior Services developed this website to provide easy access to a wide array of information and resources relevant to clients, families, organizations, and individuals concerned with long-term care issues for seniors and the disabled. With just a few clicks this portal connects you to . . .
We have put this web site together in an effort to provide the general community with online access to our services and publications. We hope you find this information timely and useful.
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The Board of Supervisors created the Office of Affirmative Action (OAAC) in 1976 to assist County departments in the prevention of employment discrimination and provide programs that ensure equal employment opportunity in County government.
Pursuant to California Health and Safety Code Section 103526 only specific individuals are allowed to receive an AUTHORIZED CERTIFIED COPY of a birth or death record.
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Avoid long sentences
• No sentence should be longer than 40 words.
• These numbers should be even smaller when you write for the web or for scripts to be delivered over the phone.
• For written material, sentence length should be 20 words or fewer.
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Let’s combine some plain language Let’s combine some plain language techniques to improve some techniques to improve some sentences.sentences.
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Presentation Outline
Introduction
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials; using Stylewriter
Benefits of Plain Language
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Think about all the techniques we’ve discussed and rewrite the next few passages.
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The mission of the Department of Public Social Services (DPSS) is to enrich lives through effective and caring service. DPSS, in commitment to reduce and prevent homelessness among its CalWORKs families, implemented, in April 2004, the DPSS Housing Program. The Program includes a number of benefit and services designed to assist homeless families and families at risk of homelessness to move out of the current situation and into affordable permanent housing.
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In Los Angeles County, the Norway rat, roof rat, domestic cat, and opossum are involved in the transmission of this disease to humans. Man has played an active role by introducing the animals involved in the transmission cycle and by creating environmental conditions conducive for the maintenance and spread of murine typhus. These animals often exist in significant numbers in commercial or residential communities because of ample food supply, accessible harborage, and a lack of predators such as coyotes.
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Now let’s look at Stylewriter and see what it would do with some of these passages.
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Resources
www.plainlanguage.gov
On-line guidance
On-line training
Army writing program
NIH training program
“Plain Train” program