Professional Writing in English

Why stylistic editing is

needed

Stylistic Editing

Why is stylistic editing needed?

In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs.

Sir Francis Darwin

If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one to hear it fall, does it make a sound?

The writing of an article is not as important as the actual experimental work.

Yes No ?

If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it fall, does it make a sound?

Yes No ?

Technical writing is meant to be understood only by highly educated scientists and engineers.

Yes No ?

Complex technical subjects require a complex approach to writing.

Yes No ?

Everyday language is not precise enough to describe the results of a scientific study.

Yes No ?

Long words are more scientific than short words.

Yes No ?

You can’t use the first person in scientific writing.

Yes No ?

In technical writing, it is better to use the passive voice than to use the active voice.

Yes No ?

Long sentences are better than short sentences in highly technical documents.

Yes No ?

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the __________ person.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no _______________ pronouns.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the __________ voice.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just _______ sentence (100 words).

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no _________________.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no PUNCTUATION.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no PUNCTUATION.6. There are too many ___________.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no PUNCTUATION.6. There are too many NOUNS.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no PUNCTUATION.6. There are too many NOUNS.7. There is too much ____________.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

 1. It is written entirely in the THIRD person.2. There are no PERSONAL pronouns.3. It uses only the PASSIVE voice.4. The whole text is just ONE sentence (100 words).5. There is no PUNCTUATION.6. There are too many NOUNS.7. There is too much JARGON.

This type of language is very foggy indeed.

The opposite of clear and concise language ….

…. is foggy language.

If you go out in fog ...

…. you get lost

If you speak or write with fog ...

… your audience gets lost

The foggier your language is, the less your audience understands

Clear Very foggy

Fog

Co

mp

rehen

sion

Nw = number of words in a typical paragraphNs = number of sentences in the paragraphPlw = percentage of long words in the paragraph

One measure for the complexity of language is the Gunning Fog Index

Fi = 0.4 ((Nw / Ns )+ Plw )

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

4. 110 / 5 = 22

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

4. 110 / 5 = 22

5. (22 / 110) X 100% = 20

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

4. 110 / 5 = 22

5. (22 / 110) X 100% = 20

6. 22 + 20 = 42

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

4. 110 / 5 = 22

5. (22 / 110) X 100% = 20

6. 22 + 20 = 42

7. 42 x 0.4 = 16.8

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

1.

2. 110

3. 5

4. 110 / 5 = 22

5. (22 / 110) X 100% = 20

6. 22 + 20 = 42

7. 42 x 0.4 = 16.8

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 1st version is:

16.8

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

4. 158 / 11 = 14.36

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

4. 158 / 11 = 14.36

5. (23 / 158) X 100% = 14.55

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

4. 158 / 11 = 14.36

5. (23 / 158) X 100% = 14.55

6. 14.36 + 14.55 = 28.91

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

4. 158 / 11 = 14.36

5. (23 / 158) X 100% = 14.55

6. 14.36 + 14.55 = 28.91

7. 28.91 x 0.4 = 11.564

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

1.

2. 158

3. 11

4. 158 / 11 = 14.36

5. (23 / 158) X 100% = 14.55

6. 14.36 + 14.55 = 28.91

7. 28.91 x 0.4 = 11.564

The Gunning Fog Index for Dr Linden’s 2nd version is:

11.6

For an educated audience, an index between 10 and 13 communicates the most efficiently

Gunning Index

ComprehensionEfficiency (%)

10 15 205

16.8

11.6

When you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

Einstein believed that language should be clear and concise

Clear

Concise

You also can use Microsoft Word to quickly calculate levels of complexity

Dr Linden’s 1st version

You should aim for a score of approximately 60

You should aim for a score of approximately 8

You also can use Microsoft Word to quickly calculate levels of complexity

Dr Linden’s 2nd version

You should aim for a score of approximately 60

You should aim for a score of approximately 8

The foggier your language is, the less your audience understands

Clear Very foggy

Fog

Co

mp

rehen

sion

…. is clear language.

The opposite of foggy language ….

The clearer your language is, the more your audience understands.

Foggy Very clear

Clarity

Co

mp

rehen

sion

Abstract

Convoluted

Foggy

Obscure

Pompous

Self-important

Verbose

The aim of many scientific and technical writers is to impress their audience

Failure to communicate is not an option

Clear

Communicative

Concise

Direct

Personal

Readable

Simple

Writing to express

In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs

How well you communicate affects not only your career but also the well-being of others

Well-being of othersA scientist’s

own Career

Lift-off 58.3 seconds later

Challenger, January 28, 1986

Explosion

Flying debris

There was ice on the Shuttle’s STS 51-L launch complex.

Morton-Thiokal’s title visual was not effective

TEMPERATURE CONCERN ON SRM JOINTS

27 JANUARY 1986

Morton-Thiokals’s presentation to NASA

January 27, 1986

Morton-Thiokal’s presentation to NASA suffered because of all capital letters on the visuals

PRIMARY CONCERNS:

FIELD JOINT: HIGHEST CONCERN

•EROSION PENETRATION OF PRIMARY SEAL REQUIRES RELIABLE SECONDAR SEAL FOR PRESSURE INTEGRITY

•IGNITION TRANSIENT: (0-600 MS)

•(0-170 MS) HIGH PROBABILITY OF RELIABLE SECONDARY SEAL

•(170-300) REDUCED PROBABILITY OF RELIABLE SECONDARY SEAL

•(330-600 MS) HIGH PROBABILITY OF NO SECONDARY SEAL CAPABILITY

•STEADY STATE: (600 MS - 2 MINUTES)

•IF EROSION PENETRATES PRIMARY O-RING SEAL, HIGH PROBABILITY OF NOSECONDARY SEAL CAPABILITY

•BENCH TESTING SHOWED O-RING NOT CAPABLE OF MAINTAINING CONTACT WITH METAL PARTS GAP OPERATING TO MEOP

•BENCH TESTING SHOWED CAPABILITY TO MAINTAINO-RING CONTACT DURING INITIAL PHASE (0-170 MS) OF TRANSIENT

Morton-Thiokals’s presentation to NASA

January 27, 1986

Morton-Thiokal’s visuals did not have strong headlines and were misread by NASA

Blow by History

SRM - 15 Worst Blow-By

• 2 case joints (80º), (110º) Arc

• Much worse visually than SRM-22

SRM - 22 Blow-By

• 2 case joints (30-40º)

SRM - 13A, 15, 16A, 18, 23A, 24A

•Nozzle Blow-by

Morton-Thiokals’s presentation to NASA

January 27, 1986

How well you communicate affects the well-being of others

The explosion was caused by failure of O-rings in the solid rocket boosters.

NASA’s engineers knew of the O-ring problems well before the fatal launch.

But they failed to communicate the seriousness of the problem.

Stylistic Editing

Why is stylistic editing needed?

Stylistic Editing

… involves improving texts by making them more readable.

Readers need to process a text quickly

They shouldn’t have to read a text two or three times to get the basic point

What causes foggy language?

What causes foggy language?

• Long sentences

• Long words

The utilisation of the proposed methodology in the investigation facilitated the cultivation of the organism.

What causes foggy language?

Short words are best, and short words when old are best of all.

• Long words

The utilisation of the proposed methodology in the investigation facilitated the cultivation of the organism.

What causes foggy language?

Using this method helped the organism to grow.

• Overuse of the passive

What causes foggy language?

Never use the passive where you can use the active

• Abstract nouns

What causes foggy language?

Nouns, especially abstract nouns, are weak

N

Verbs, on the other hand, are strong.

V

• Verbosity and redundancies

What causes foggy language?

Some writers use words they don’t need.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

1. Use shorter sentences.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

2. Use plain and simple words.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

3. Use the active voice unless there is a good reason for using the passive.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

4. Use vigorous verbs as much as possible.

5. Take out redundant words.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

1. Use shorter sentences.

2. Use plain and simple words.

3. Use the active voice unless, there is a good reason for using the passive.

4. Use vigorous verbs as much as possible.

5. Take out redundant words.

Follow these stylistic editing guidelines to make technical writing more readable

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words Long sentences Redundancies NominalizationsPassives

Technical writing is weighed down by foggy language

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

Abstract nouns

These common stylistic problems are inter-connected

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Abstract nouns

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long sentences

Redundancies

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

Abstract nouns

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long words

Long sentences

Passives

Abstract nouns

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long words

Passives

Abstract nouns

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

Passives

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Abstract nouns

Long words

Long sentences

Redundancies

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Abstract nouns

Long words

Redundancies

When you solve one of these stylistic problems, very often you solve another.

Abstract nouns

Periodistas experimentados ofrecen estos criterios sobre el estilo periodístico, recogidos por la Sociedad Interamericana de Prensa:

• Escribir frases cortas• Preferir lo simple a lo complicado• Preferir lo concreto y desechar lo abstruso• Usar palabras comunes• Omitir palabras innecesarias• Emplear verbos en voz activa• Redactar con sencillez, naturalmente

Finally, when editing someone’s writing, consider tone

Edit asyou would wish

to be edited

Leadwiththe

positive