Psychology of Human Relations and Adjustment

DMACC, Summer, 2006Jim Wilwerding, M.Div., M.A., LMHC, CADC, NCC

Personal Growth and Change

Being your own “best person” Who Am I? How much of myself do I share with

others? How much am I interested in other

people’s stories?

Life is a journey, not a destination

“The unexamined life is not worth living”--

Socrates

A Model of Personal Growth

Common Characteristics of healthy, happy, more fully-functioning individuals An ability to accept oneself and others An efficient perception of reality Close, caring interpersonal relationships Autonomy and Independence A strong ethical sense Willingness to continue to grow as a person

Feedback and Disclosure

In order to understand ourselves more fully, we need feedback from other people

In order to get effective feedback, we must allow other people to know us

Self-Disclosure Revealing the inner-self The more I know about you and you

know about me, the more effective our relationship can become

Self-disclosure involves a set of skills—knowing what, to whom, when etc. is important

Why Self-Disclose?

Self-disclosure allows me to define myself rather than be defined by the other person’s assumptions

As I choose to self-disclose, I learn information and gain insights about myself

As a step in relationship building, self-disclosure allows me to get acquainted with you and for us to build trust within our relationship

As that trust grows, closeness and intimacy can develop

Risks “If I tell you who I am, you may not like

who I am, and that is all that I have” –John Powell

To share who I am, I am choosing to risk rejection

Benefits However, disclosure builds trust with and by

the other person Self-disclosure promotes mental health—the

more I know and can share myself, the less likely I am to hold onto shame

We can gain self-validation through our disclosure

Self-disclosure can also allow us more social control and impression management

The Johari Window

Developed in 1969 by Joseph Luft (Jo) and Harry Ingram (hari)

A model to explore the “total you” and to increase your openness and self knowledge.

Johari Window (Joe Luft and Harry Ingham)

Greater FeedbackKnown to Self Unknown to Self

Known to Others

Open/Public Self Blind Self

Unknown to Others

Private Self Unknown SelfGre

ater

Dis

clos

ure

First Day of Class

Greater FeedbackKnown to Self Unknown to Self

Known to Others

Open/Public Self

Blind Self

Unknown to Others

Private Self Unknown Self

Gre

ater

Dis

clos

ure

"The Listener"

Greater FeedbackKnown to Self Unknown to Self

Known to Others

Open/Public Self Blind Self

Unknown to Others

Private SelfUnknown

Self

Gre

ater

Dis

clos

ure

"I Don't Want to Hear It!"

Greater FeedbackKnown to Self Unknown to Self

Known to Others

Open/ Public

SelfBlind Self

Unknown to Others

Private Self

Unknown SelfGre

ater

Dis

clos

ure

Moving Toward Trust and Intimacy

Greater FeedbackKnown to Self Unknown to Self

Known to Others

Open/ Public Self Blind Self

Unknown to Others

Private SelfUnknown

SelfGre

ater

Dis

clos

ure

Loneliness Loneliness occurs when a person has

fewer interpersonal relationships than desired or when the relationships are not as satisfying as desired.

Loneliness is a feeling of longing and emptiness that is caused by a lack of emotional attachment or social ties.

Loneliness Most prevalent among:

Teenagers Unmarried young adults The Divorced The Widowed

Also related to societal emphasis on self-fulfillment, instability in relationships and commitment to others.

Relationships Healthy relationships provide:

1. Emotional attachments—knowledge that no matter what happens, there will be someone around to care for and help us.

Sources of emotional attachments include: Parents A best friend or significant other A confidant Inanimate objects (teddy bears, dolls, blankets) Belief systems

Relationships Social Ties—a feeling of belonging—that

we are part of a group and have an identity We find these ties first through our

belonging to a family, clan, etc. Later, we choose social ties by joining

other groups (i.e., Scouts, sports, clubs, etc.) and possibly through forming a new family

Shyness The tendency to withdraw from people

particularly unfamiliar people. This includes feelings, physical reactions and thoughts

Consequences of shyness include: Becoming self-conscious Difficulty becoming acquainted to new people Keeps one from experiencing new situations Prevents a person from expressing

him/herself

Perceptions PERCEPTION IS REALITY Perception is our own interpretation and

organization of the information we have gathered from the situation

Our perception of people affects our impressions, understanding and interaction with others

Stereotyping and Prejudice

Stereotype—a preconceived set of beliefs about individuals or groups

Prejudice—prejudging a person or group of people prior to having all known information.

Inaccurate Social Perceptions

Stereotyping First Impressions Categorizing Attribution Error

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

When a person’s expectations of an event make the outcome more likely to happen

Much of how we operate is based upon the expectations we convey—people will generally live up to or down to our expectations for them

Expectations Positive or negative, our expectations

generally become our reality through Confirmation Bias

Confirmation Bias—Our current thoughts or beliefs about ourselves get continuously reinforced. We tend to accept information that confirms our beliefs and reject information that disproves or goes against what we already believe to be true.

Argue for your limitations and sure

enough, they’re yours

--Richard Bach

Image—how others perceive me

Impression Management—our conscious effort to present ourselves in socially desirable ways. Behavioral modeling—matching our behaviors to

the person’s with whom we are interacting Positive non-verbal cues—smile, direct eye

contact, etc. Present favorable self-image Conform to situational norms Show appreciation of others and flatter them Be consistent Be creative

Developing New Relationships

Four steps to initiate new relationships Communication—make contact, conversation

that invites a response, etc. Exposing yourself—let yourself be seen and

known by the other person Social Skills—remember that relationships

involve a set of skills Classes—communication, human relations,

assertiveness, etc. are skills that can assist you in making new relationships.

Cultural Differences

“When I meet someone from another culture, I behave in the way that is natural to me, while the other behaves in the way that is natural to him or her. The only problem is that our ‘natural’ ways to not coincide.” --Raymonde Carroll