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FAMILYWISDOMFROMTHEMONKWHOSOLDHISFERRARINurturingtheLeaderWithinYourChild

ISBN81-7992-230-8

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PRAISEFORTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrari

“Nothing less than sensational. This book will bless your life.” Mark VictorHansen,co-author,ChickenSoupfortheSoul

“A great book, from an inspirational point of view.” Carlos Delgado, MajorLeaguebaseballsuperstar

“This is a fun, fascinating, fanciful adventure into the realms of personaldevelopment, personal effectiveness and individual happiness. It containstreasuresofwisdomthatcanenrichandenhancethelifeofeverysingleperson.”BrianTracy,authorofMaximumAchievement

“RobinS.Sharmahasanimportantmessageforallofus—onethatcanchangeour lives.He’swritten a one-of-a-kind handbook for personal fulfillment in ahecticage.”ScottDeGarmo,pastpublisher,SuccessMagazine

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“RobinSharmahascreatedanenchantingtalethatincorporatestheclassictoolsoftransformationintoasimplephilosophyofliving.Adelightfulbookthatwillchange your life.” Elaine St. James, author of Simplify Your Life and InnerSimplicity

“Shedslightonlife’sbigquestions.”TheEdmontonJournal

“The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is coherent, useful and definitely worthreading….Itcantrulyhelpreaderscopewiththeratrace.”TheKingstonWhig-Standard

“Amagnificentbook.RobinS.SharmaisthenextOgMandino.”DottieWalters,authorofSpeak&GrowRich

“Simplewisdomthatanyonecanbenefitfrom.”TheCalgaryHerald

“This book could be classified as The Wealthy Barber of personaldevelopment….[Itcontains]insightfulmessagesonthekeyconceptswhichhelpbring greater balance, control and effectiveness in our daily lives.” InvestmentExecutive

“A treasure—an elegant and powerful formula for true success and happiness.RobinS.Sharmahascapturedthewisdomoftheagesandmadeitrelevantforthese turbulent times. I couldn’t put it down.” Joe Tye, authorof Never Fear,NeverQuit

“Simplerulesforreachingone’spotential.”TheHalifaxDailyNews

“Sharmaguidesreaderstowardenlightenment.”TheChronicle-Herald

“Awonderfullycraftedparablerevealingasetofsimpleyetsurprisinglypotentideasforimprovingthequalityofanyone’slife.I’mrecommendingthisgemofabook to all of my clients.” George Williams, president, Karat ConsultingInternational

“RobinSharmaofferspersonalfulfillmentalongthespiritualhighroad.”OttawaCitizen

PRAISEFORLeadershipWisdomfromTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrari

“Oneoftheyear’sbestbusinessbooks.”PROFITMagazine

“Very informative, easy to read and extremely helpful….We have distributedcopies toallourmanagement teamaswellas tostoreoperators.Thefeedbackhasbeenverypositive.”DavidBloom,CEO,ShoppersDrugMart

“Robin Sharma has a neat, down-to-earth way of expressing his powerfulsolutionsfor today’smostpressing leadership issues.This issorefreshing inaperiod when businesspeople are faced with so much jargon.” Ian Turner,manager,CelesticaLearningCentre

“This book is a goldmine ofwisdom and common sense.”DeanLarryTapp,RichardIveySchoolofBusiness,UniversityofWesternOntario

“A terrific book that will help any businessperson lead and live moreeffectively.”JimO’Neill,directorofoperations,DistrictSalesDivision,LondonLife

“Monkpointsthewaytobalanceinbusiness….Thebookswork.”TheTorontoStar

“Sharma’s mission is to provide the reader with the insight to become avisionaryleader,helpingthemtransformtheirbusinessintoanorganizationthatthrivesinthiseraofchange.”SalesPromotionMagazine

“SharmacombinesthewisdomofthegreatphilosophersfromtheWestandtheEastandappliesittothebusinessworld.”TheLiberal

ALSOBYROBINSHARMA

MegaLivingTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrari

LeadershipWisdomfromTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrariWhoWillCryWhenYouDie?

Idedicatethisbooktomyextraordinarychildren,ColbyandBianca,twoofthegreatestandwisestteachersinmylife.Iloveyoubothveryverymuch.

IalsodedicatethisbooktomydearfriendandcolleaguethelateGeorgeWilliams,amanwhotouchedmanylivesbutleftusfartooearly.

Finally,Idedicatethisbooktoyou,thereader.Maythelessonsyoudiscoveronthesepagesinspireyoutobeawiserperson,abetterparent,andtobecomethekindoffamilyleaderthatwillinspirethechildrenoftheworldtolivebiggerand

betterlives.

Ahundredyearsfromnowitwillnotmatterwhatmybankaccountwas,thesortofhouseIlivedinorthekindofcarIdrove.Buttheworldmaybedifferent

becauseIwasimportantinthelifeofachild.Authorunknown

Toliveinheartsweleavebehindisnottodie.ThomasCampbell

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

MYGREATAWAKENING

THEBESTWORSTEXPERIENCEOFMYLIFE

THEGIFTOFLIFE

AMONKCOMESTOVISIT

THEMIRACULOUSJOURNEYOFTHEGREATJULIANMANTLE

THEFIRSTMASTERYOFTHEFAMILYLEADER™

THESECONDMASTERYOFTHEFAMILYLEADER™

THETHIRDMASTERYOFTHEFAMILYLEADER™

THEFOURTHMASTERYOFTHEFAMILYLEADER™

THEFIFTHMASTERYOFTHEFAMILYLEADER™

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Acknowledgments

First,thanksmustgotoallthepeoplearoundtheworldwhohavereadthebooksin theMonk Who Sold His Ferrari series and had the wisdom to apply theknowledge shared to enrich not only their own lives, but also the lives of allthose around them. I have loved receiving your letters and your e-mails andhearinghowthelessonsI’veofferedhavehelpedyouonyourjourneys.Ihonoryouforhavingthecouragetochange,growandlead.

Special thanks to my friends at HarperCollins, who have supported,encouragedandinspiredmetokeepwritingthesebooks.IexpressgratitudetoIrisTupholme,ClaudePrimeau, JudyBrunsek,DavidMillar,LloydKelly,mypublicist Doré Potter,Marie Campbell, Neil Erickson, Pauline Thompson andespeciallytoNicoleLanglois,mycaring,insightfulandwonderfuleditor.

Appreciationmust also go tomy highly dedicated executive assistantAnnGreen,formanagingmyscheduleasIwrotethisbook,tomycolleagueRichardCarlson—amanwholiveshismessage—andtomyfriendMalcolmMacKillop,forsupplyinghislakesideretreatsoIcouldgetawayfromtheworldtocompleteFamily Wisdom in awe-inspiring surroundings. Thanks also go to all mymentors,includingGerryWeiner,EdCarsonandLorneClarke,forinspiringmeto “stay the course.” I also express gratitude to each and every one of mycorporateclientsfortheprivilegeofbeingabletosharemyleadershipmessageatyourconferences,andforyourhavingthewisdomtorecognizethatpeoplelieat thesoulofyourenterprise.Heartfelt thanks toJillHewlett forbeingsuchalight.Deep appreciation goes out tomy parents, Shiv andShashi Sharma, forbeingsuchsplendidexamplesofexcellentparents,andforallthelove,kindnessandsupportyouhaveshoweredonme.BigthanksalsotomybrotherSanjayandmysister-in-lawSusan,forbeingtherewhenIneededyoumost.

Andfinally,IthankColbyandBianca,mytwochildren,forbringingmesomuchjoy.

MyGreatAwakening

Wearegenerallyafraidtobecomethatwhichwecanglimpseinourmostperfectmoments.

AbrahamMaslow

The saddestpartof life liesnot in the actofdying,but in failing to truly livewhilewearealive.Toomanyofusplaysmallwithourlives,neverlettingthefullnessofourhumanityseethelightofday.I’velearnedthatwhatreallycountsinlife,intheend,isnothowmanytoyswehavecollectedorhowmuchmoneywe’veaccumulated,buthowmanyofourtalentswehaveliberatedandusedforapurposethataddsvaluetothisworld.Whattrulymattermostaretheliveswehave touchedand the legacy thatwehave left.Tolstoyput it sowellwhenhewrote:“Weliveforourselvesonlywhenweliveforothers.”

Ittookmefortyyearstodiscoverthissimplepointofwisdom.Fortylongyearstodiscoverthatsuccesscannotreallybepursued.Successensuesandflowsintoyourlifeastheunintendedyetinevitablebyproductofalifespentenrichingthelives of other people.When you shift your daily focus from a compulsion tosurvivetowardsalifelongcommitmenttoserve,yourexistencecannothelpbutexplodeintosuccess.

Istillcan’tbelievethatIhadtowaituntilthe“half-time”ofmylifetofigureoutthattruefulfillmentasahumanbeingcomesnotfromachievingthosegrandgestures that put us on the front pages of the newspapers and businessmagazines, but instead from those basic and incremental acts of decency thateach one of us has the privilege to practice each and every day ifwe simplymakethechoicetodoso.MotherTeresa,agreatleaderofhumanheartsifevertherewasone,said itbest:“Therearenogreatacts,onlysmallactsdonewithgreatlove.”Ilearnedthisthehardwayinmylife.

Untilrecently,Ihadbeensobusystriving,Ihadmissedoutonliving.Iwassobusychasinglife’sbigpleasuresthatIhadmissedoutonthelittleones,those

microjoys that weave themselves in and out of our lives on a daily basis butoftengounnoticed.Mydayswereoverscheduled,mymindwasoverworkedandmyspiritwasunderfed.Tobehonestwithyou,mylifereflectedoutwardsuccessbutwascompletelybankruptintermsofinnersignificance.

I was of the old school that believed that happiness would arrive when Ibought the rightcar,built the righthouseandwaspromoted to the right job. Ijudgedthevalueofahumanbeingnotbythesizeoftheirheartandthestrengthof theircharacter,butby thesizeof theirwalletand thecontentsof theirbankaccount.YoumightsaythatIwasnotagoodperson.IwouldarguethatIsimplyhadnoideaaboutthetruemeaningoflifeorhowtoconductmyselfasIlivedit.Maybe itwas thekindofpeopleIassociatedwith,buteveryoneIknewin thebusinessworldlivedbythissamephilosophy.Wealldedicatedthebesthoursofourdaystoclimbingthestairwayofsuccessthatwedreamedwouldleadusintothe coveted corner office, the opulent summer home in the Hamptons andperhaps that spectacular ski chalet in France. We all wanted to be famous,admiredandhonored.Weallwanted tobefilthyrich.And,mostofall,weallwantedtobewanted.

AndthoughIdidentertaintheideaofbeingamotheronedayandraisingafamily in the future, thedreamsofmyquietestmomentsweremore along thelines of appearing on the cover of Forbes or FORTUNE magazine with theheadlineundermysleekfigurestating“CatherineCruz:theCEOWhoBrokeAlltheRulesandStillWon”thancheeringonchildrenatlittleleaguegames.Onthewaytowork,Iusedtorepeataffirmationslike“Todaywillbethebestdayofmylife”and“Ihavethemillionaire’smindandthewarrior’sheart.”Icanjustseeyou shaking your head right now, but I wanted success so badly back then Iwouldhavedoneanythingforit.Iwouldhavesaidwhateverpeopleaskedmetosay,donewhateveranyonetoldmetodoandclimbedoveranyonewhohadthemisfortunetogetinmyway.I’mnotsayingI’mproudofthepersonIwasbackthen.I’mjusttellingyouthatthat’swhoIwas.Iwastough,ruthless,ambitiousanddriven—toafault,closingdownmyemotionalsideinanefforttosurviveintheworldIhadmadeformyself.

My life was defined by my work and I felt I was destined to reach thepinnacleofsuccessinbusiness.OnmyofficewallwerethesewordsofthegreatEnglishpoetHenryWadsworthLongfellowthatIbelievedsaiditall:

LivesofgreatmenallremindusWecanmakeourlivessublime,

And,departing,leavebehindusFootprintsonthesandsoftime.

Sure,mypalsfromMBAschoolandIlearnedtopaylipservicetoallthosehoney-covered platitudes like “people come first” and “people don’t care howmuchyouknowuntiltheyknowhowmuchyoucare”thatwereservedupalltoofrequentlybywell-heeledconsultantsandwell-meaningbusinessprofessors.Butdeepwithineachoneofus, there livedonlyonedesire: toserveourselvesandmeetourowngoals,hopesanddreams—nomatterhowmanypeoplewehadtotrampletodoit.Andsowesacrificedourverysoulsforthesakeofprofessionalsuccessandthepursuitofbigmoney.Wegaveeverythingwehadtoourwork.And though I’m now embarrassed to admit it, in the early years it was fun.Reallyfun.

Asthebrighteststudentinmyclass,Ihadmypickofthebestcompaniesonthe planet to work for. Having always been a bit of a rebel, I delighted inrejectingeveryoneoftheirsix-figureoffers,muchtothechagrinofmymotherwho thought I was out of my mind. Remembering the advice of one of myfavoriteprofessors inbusinessschool,himselfapersonwhochose towalk theroadlesstravelled(hepreached:“Whensearchingforyouridealjob,stopasking‘IsthisacompanyI’dliketoworkfor?’andstartasking‘IsthisacompanythatI’d like toown?’”), I settledona fast-trackmanagementpositionwitha little-knownfinancialservicesfirmwithmassivegrowthpotential.Neverdiscountthepowerofstockoptionstoattracteventhemostuninterestedjobcandidate.

Everymorningatprecisely5:15,myshinyblackMercedes—asigningbonusfrommynewemployer—spedthroughtheundergroundparkadeoftheseventy-storyglass-and-metalofficetowerthatIwastospendthenextfewyearsofmylifewithin.With a fresh copyofTheWallStreet Journal in one hand andmyalligatorskinattachécaseintheother,Istrodetothebankofelevatorsandthenuptothesixty-secondflooroffice.Thiswasmyrealhome.

Once there, I would check my messages, return all phone calls and thenproceedtoliveoutthenextsixteentoeighteenhoursinastateofhighanxietyand near chaos. In short order I was promoted to divisional, and then senior,vice-president,allbeforeIwasthirty-five.Ihadthepleasureofflyingaroundtheworld first-class, rubbing shoulderswith thebusiness elite, eating in the finestrestaurants and doing deals thatwouldmakemy contemporaries shudderwithjealousy.Iwaseventuallygivenaluxuriousoffice,andIfinallydidbuythatskichalet, thanks to my stock options that, as I had hoped, soared through the

stratosphere.A few years ago, a few friends from business school and I started aweb-

based company we called BraveLife.com that provided corporations with arevolutionarynewwaytotrainanddevelopemployeeswishingtoexcelinthesewildlycompetitivetimes.Thoughitwasinitiallysomethingwedidjustforfun,BraveLife.combecameaninstanthit,andwithinmonths,ouruniqueenterprisewasfeaturedinjustabouteverymajorbusinesspublicationinthenation.Withthepunditssayingthisventurewasanidealcandidateforapublicofferingandventure capitalists hovering around us like vultures closing in for the kill,mypartnersandIknewwewouldsoonberich.Itwasallcomingtogether,justasIhad envisioned in so many of my quieter moments. I would be wealthy,celebratedandandbeloved.IcouldaffordallthematerialpossessionsIcravedsodeeply,andfinallyhavetheresourcestolivemylifeonmyownterms.IwaswellonmywaytothemountaintopandlivingthelifeIhadalwayswanted.Andyet, as I drewcloser tomydreams, I stumbledupona strange realization thattookthewindoutofmysails.NomatterwhatI tried todotodenyit, Iwasacompletelymiserablehumanbeing.

Iwassevenyearsintoamarriagethatlackedanytraceofpassionoremotionalconnection.Imetmyhusband,JonCruz,atawildernessretreatthecompanyIinitiallyworkedforhadsentitshigh-performingexecutivestoinordertorefineour leadership skills. Jon was a struggling entrepreneur hoping to find someinspiration in themountains, andwe foundourselveson the same team, facedwiththemissionofscalingachallengingrockfaceinthemiddleofthenight.Headmired my fearlessness and tenacity, and I was immediately attracted to hisgentlenessandpassionforlife.Wefellinloveand,thoughitrancontrarytomycautiousways,weweremarriedsixweekslater.

Jonwasagoodmaninaworldwhererawgoodnessandstrengthofcharacterarenolongergiventhevaluetheydeserve.Ourearlyyearstogethersawlotsofgood times but, as the years progressed, our relationship started to fall apartthrough the process of neglect.He loved nature and the great outdoors, and Ilovedglitzyrestaurantsandhigh-browfashionshows.Hecollectedgreatbooksandenjoyedcarvingwoodonthebackyardpatio,whileIcollectedgreatwinesandappreciatedfineart.ButImusttellyouthatitwasnotourdifferencesthatledtoourless-than-idealmarriage.TherealproblemwasthatIwasneverhometobewithmyhusband.

BythetimeI’drollintothedrivewayatnight,Jonwouldbeasleep.Andbythe time he’d get up, myMercedes would be winding its way to my office.Thoughwelivedunderoneroof,itwouldbesafetosaywelivedseparatelives.ButitwasfarmorethanmyrelationshipwithJonthatwascausingmetofeelsoempty and disheartened as a person. We had two young—and wonderful—childrenIknewweresufferingasaresultofmyeternalabsences.TheydidnotsayawordtomeaboutallthetimeIspentattheoffice,buttheireyesrevealedthe fulness of their disappointment and their deep need to have a richerconnectionwiththewomantheycalledMom.

Porter, our son,was just turning six and Sarita, our daughter,was three. Iknew that these early years were by far the most important in terms of theshapinganddevelopmentof their characters. Iknew thiswas the stageduringwhichtheyneededtobesurroundedbygreat,lovingrolemodelswholavishedaffection andwisdom upon their tender souls. I knew that I would regret themany hours I spent away from them but, for some inexplicable reason, I justcould not tearmyself away frommy office and all the obligationsmy hyper-complexprofessionallifecarriedwithit.

“Life is nothing more than a series of windows of opportunity strungtogether to formawhole,”mywise father used to tellme. I had the commonsenseandintelligencetoappreciatethatPorterandSaritawouldonlybeyoungonce, and that now was the time that they needed my presence. Once thiswindowofopportunityclosed,mychancetoequipthemwiththevalues,virtuesandvisiontoleadrichlivesastheymaturedwouldbegoneforever.AndIknewIcouldneverforgivemyselffornotbeingthereforthemwhentheyneededmemost.IguessIjustdidn’thavethecouragetostepbackfrommychaoticlifeandreally reflect on my highest priorities, nor the wisdom to ensure that theseprioritieswerereflectedinthewayIspentmydays.NomatterhowhardItried,I just couldn’t bring myself to stop working at a blistering pace and restorebalance inmy life. I truly felt Icouldnot livewithout theadrenaline rushandsense of significance my overflowing agenda gave to me. As much as I’dpublicly profess that my family was what truly counted, the facts clearlyrevealed otherwise. All the evidence showed that Jon and the kids finished adistantsecondtomycareerandmydesiretobecomerich.

TheBestWorstExperience

ofMyLife

IfIhadtolivemylifeoveragain,Iwouldrelaxmore.I’dbesillierthanIhavebeenonthistrip.Iwouldclimbmoremountains,swimmoreriversandwatchmoresunsets.Iwouldhavemoreactualtroublesandlessimaginaryones.OhI’vehadmymoments,andifIhadtodoitoveragain,I’dhavemoreofthem.Infact,I’dtrytohavenothingelse,justmoments,oneafteranother.AndI’dpick

moredaisies.NadineStair,age89

Mostpeopledon’t reallydiscoverwhat life isallaboutuntil theycometodie.Then,facingtheirmortalityheadon,theyawakentolife’sdeepestmeaningsandrealizeall that theyhavemissed.Lifecanbecruel in thatway.Itsgiftsall toooftenfailtoappearuntiltheveryend.Whenweareyoungandhaveourwholelivesaheadofus,wetendtoputoffliving.“NextyearI’llspendmoretimeinnatureorlaughmoreorlovemore.NextyearI’llspendmoretimewithmykidsandreadthegreatworksofliterature.NextyearIwillwatchmoresunsetsandbuildbetterfriendships.Butrightnow,I’vegotthingstodoandpeopletomeet.”Theseare thestandard refrainsof theagewe live in.Well, I’ve learned that ifyoudon’t acton life, lifehas ahabitof actingonyou.And thedays slip intoweeksandtheweeksintomonthsandbeforeyouknowit,yourlifewillbeover.Thepointofwisdomisclear:stoplivingyourlifebydefaultandstartlivingyourlifebydesign.Getbackintothegameandtakeactiontocreatethericherrealityyouknowdeepwithinyourheartyouweredestined tocreate.Today,begin tolive your life the way you will wish you had lived when you lay on yourdeathbed.Or, toparaphraseMarkTwain, liveout your life in such away thateventheundertakercriesatyourfuneral.

It’s a strange world we live in.We can send amissile across the world withpinpointaccuracy,yetwehavetroublewalkingacrossthestreettomeetanewneighbor.Wespendmoretimewatchingtelevisionthanwedoconnectingwithourchildren.Wesaywewanttochangetheworldbutarenotwillingtochangeourselves.Then,asthesunsetsonourlivesandweallowourselvessometimefor a little deep reflection, we catch a glimpse of the joys we could haveexperienced,thekindnesseswecouldhavegiven,andthepeoplewecouldhavebeen.Butby then, it’s too late.By the timemostofuswakeup to living, it’stimetolaydown.Thankfully,myawakeningcamesooner.

I was headed to San Francisco to speak at a high-tech conference about thesuccess of BraveLife.com. I had almost missed my flight due to a majorsnowstormwhich had paralyzedmost of the city and ground traffic to a halt.Afterfinallyboardingtheplane,mytwobusinesspartnersandIhadsettledintoour first-class seatswith anexceptionallygoodglassofwineandadiscussionabouthowwewouldhandle thepresentationwehadbeenasked tomake.Wechattedforaboutthirtyminutesandthen,feelingexhaustedafterafulldayattheoffice,Iexcusedmyselffromthediscussionanddriftedofftosleep.

Suddenly, I was awakened by the captain’s voice over the public addresssystem.“Weareexperiencingsomereallychoppyweatheruphere,folks.Anditlooks like it’s going to get even rougher. Please ensure that your seatbelt isfastened snugly around your waist and place your tray table in the uprightposition,”camethefamiliarinstruction.Thoughhetriedhisbesttosoundcalm,the captain’s voice betrayed him, and I wondered if there was something farmoreserioushewasdealingwith.Myheartbegantopoundashecontinuedtospeak.“Itlookslikeallthisinclementweatherhascreatedsomerealchallengesforusuphereontheflightdeck.Again,pleasekeepyourseatbeltsfastened,andI’llkeepyouupdatedaboutthisstormweareheadingintoassoonasweknowmore.”

ThenextthingIknew,thecabinlightswentoutandtheemergencylightingsystemcameon.Theplanestartedshakingviolentlyandplatesstartedfallingtothe floor. The turbulence,which had initially been bearable, soon became toomuch to take and made me sick to my stomach. I looked at the face of mypartnerJack—helookedlikeayoungWarrenBeattyandhadtwoyoungchildrenathome,likemyself.Normallyamasterofgraceunderpressure,hewasclearlyhorrified bywhat was happening and started to hyperventilate. As he shakilygrabbedmyhand, he forcedout eightwords Iwill never forget: “Catherine, I

thinkwearegoingtocrash.”

It’shardformetodescribetoyouhowIfeltduringthenextfewminutes.IknewJackwasrightbutoddly,astrangesenseofpeaceandacceptancecameoverme.Clutchinghishandtightly,Iclosedmyeyes.AndIthoughtaboutmychildren.My heart sank as an image of Porter’s smiling face danced across the picturescreenofmymind.Irememberedhisfirstwordsandthisgreatlittleboy’sfirststeps.IsawhimlaughinginthetreehouseJonhadbuiltforhiminourbackyard,munchingon a carrot dipped in peanut butter, a snackhe tolduswouldmakehimintoasuperherowhenhegrewolder.IsawagigglingSaritajumpingupanddownonherbedandsingingnurseryrhymesatthetopofherlungs.AndthenIsawJonrelaxingonthebackporchnexttothebarbequehejokedhelovedmorethanme, sippingonan ice-coldCoronawith awedgeof lime tuckedover thetop.Almost inslowmotion, I thensawall fourofuson theonlyvacationweever took as a family: we had gone up to Canada and traveled through theRockies.Here’stheinterestingthing,though—ofallthosehundredsofthoughtsthatIhadinthoselastfewmomentsbeforetheplanecrashed,notasingleonewasaboutmyselformybusiness.Iguessit’struewhatthewisestamongushavesaidforcenturies:attheendofyourlifeyouwillfindthatthethingsyouthoughtwerethebigthingswereactuallythelittlethings,andthatallthosethingsyouthoughtwerethelittle,unimportantthingswereactuallythebig,importantones.

Atthatlowmomentofmylife,staringdeathintheface,IdidnotthinkaboutthemoneyImadeorthecarIdroveorthetitleinscribedonmybusinesscard.MythoughtsdidnotdrifttotheprofitourcompanyhadmadeorthemagazinecoversIhadbeenfeaturedon.AllIcouldthinkaboutwasmyfamily.AndhowmuchIlovedthem,howmuchIwouldmissthemandhowdeeplyIregrettednotdevotingmoretimetothem.MydadusedtosaythathehadneverseenaU-Haulfollowingahearseonthewaytoafuneral.Hispoint,undoubtedly,wasthatnomatterhowmanythingsyoucollectoverthecourseofyourlifetimeyoucannottake them with you. The only thing we can take with us is our memories,memoriesofTheThingsThatTrulyCount.Facingmymortalityheadon,Icametotheultimaterealization:myfamilymatteredmost.

TheGiftofLife

Tobelieveintheheroicmakesheroes.BenjaminDisraeli

The next thing I remember was waking up as I was being rushed into anemergency room by a team of screaming paramedics. I drifted in and out ofconsciousnessfor thenextfewminutesandheardsomeoneyell:“We’relosingher.Losingallvitalsigns.Getthiswomanontotheoperatingtablestat!”

“MyGod,” I thought. “I’ve just survived a plane crash.”My clothesweresoaked inblood andgapingwounds riddledmyarmsand legs. I felt cold anddisoriented.And Iwas thirsty; I’ve never felt so thirsty in allmy life.Then IrealizedthatIjustmightdieontheoperatingtable.

I had no idea what city I was in. I didn’t know if my family had beeninformedofthetragedy.Ididn’tknowifmytwopartnerswerealive.Butsoonmy fear turned to calm, and for some reason, I knew Iwould live. I’ve sincelearnedthattheuniverseunfoldsasitshouldandthateverythingthathappenstousinlifehappensforareason.Oursetbacksinevitablycarryblessingsandbringwith them lessons thatwe need to learn in order tomove to the next level ofliving.ThegreatEnglishpoetHenryWadsworthLongfellowexpressedthepointsowellwhenheobserved,“Ithasdonemegoodtobesomewhatparchedbytheheatanddrenchedbytherainoflife.”IknewIhadsurvivedthistragicaccidentforsomereason. I justcouldn’t figureoutwhat that reasonwas.AndIhadnoideawhatmylessonwouldbe.

Afterspendingnearlytwelvehoursintheoperatingroom,Iwasshippedofftothe critical care ward to begin the grueling process of recovery. The nextmorning,Iwasawakenedbythetwosweetestsoundsmyearshaveeverheard—Porter’s and Sarita’s voices. “Mommy, wake up.Mommy, wake up!We loveyou,”theyrepeatedinmantra-likefashion.WhenIfinallymanagedtoopenmyeyes,IsawPorter there inhisfavoriteCuriousGeorget-shirtandSarita in the

little red overalls she insisted onwearingmost of the time. Jonwas standingwiththem,tearsstreamingdownhischeeks,unabletospeakevenaword.Thentheyhuggedme.Andweallbegantocry.

Ispentmonthsinthathospitalbed.Sadly,theplanecrashhadclaimedmanylives, including those of Jack and Ross, my business partners—a loss thatdevastated me. The three of us had experienced so much together over thepreviousfewyears,andIhadnointerestinrunningthecompanywithoutthem.They were not simply the co-founders of BraveLife.com; Jack and Ross hadbecomemybestfriends.Thefinalcauseoftheaccident,accordingtotheFAA,wasdeterminedtobe“piloterror”andas the lawyerssteppedin tomake theirclaims,IvowedtoputthiseventbehindmeandtodowhateverIneededtodotogetbackonmyfeetandreturntomyfamily.ThoughJonandthekidsvisitedmeeveryday,Ispentmostofmytimeinrehabilitation,makinganefforttospeedupthehealingprocess.Thedoctorsandnursesatthehospitalwerelikeangelssentfromabove,showeringmewithattention,kindnessandcompassion.Asthedayspassed,Igrewstrongerandmyfuturebegantolookbrighter.Butthenonenight,somethingextremelystrangehappenedtome.

Visitinghourshad just endedand Jonhad taken thechildrenhome for thenight.IhadjuststartedreadingawonderfulbookcalledHopefortheFlowersbyTrinaPaulus,which Iwas finding to be not only inspirational but also deeplyenlightening. As I reached for the cup of hot tea onmy bedside table, I sawsomeone in an electric wheelchair whisk by the doorway to my room at analarmingrate.

Iwas surprised that someonewouldbemoving so quickly in a hospital atsuchalatehour,butdecidedtoturnmyattentionbacktomyreading.Ihadgivenup this importanthabitwhen thedemandsofworkbecameall-consuming,butever since the plane crash I had vowed to get back toTheThingsThatTrulyCount.Readingsomethingfromthewisdomliteratureeverydaywasoneofthosethings. The crash had been an epiphany forme, thewake-up call I needed torethinkmyprioritiesandcleanupmylife.Inthesolitudeofmyhospitalroom,Idid somedeep thinking and reflected, for the first time inmany years, on theway I had been conductingmyself—as a parent, as a partner and as a humanbeing.Ifelt thatIhadbeengivenasecondchancetolive—this timearound,Iwouldlivewithgreaterwisdom,decencyandvirtue.IdecidedthatIwouldgetbacktothefundamentalsofgreatlivingandsimplifymylife.

“The best things are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes,flowersatyourfeet,dutiesatyourhand, thepathofRight justbeforeyou.Do

notgraspatthestars,butdolife’splaincommonworkasitcomes,certainthatdailydutiesanddailybreadarethesweetestthingsinlife,”wroteRobertLouisStevenson.

Justwhen Ihad focusedonmybook, ithappenedagain.The figure in thewheelchairracedbymyroomasecondtime—butnowhewasgoingevenfaster.Evenmore surprisingly, thispersonwasnowsingingat the topofhis lungs. Irecognizedthesong—Ihadn’thearditinyears.MyparentsusedtosingittomewhenIwasa littlegirl,andIwassurprised thisoddvisitorknewthewords. Ihadtofindoutwhothispersonwas.Butwouldthisbeasafethingtodo?Whatif he were some crazed lunatic who had come in off the streets? Still, mycuriositygot thebetter ofme, and I rolledout of bed andgrabbedmy trustedwalker.

Islowlywentoutintothehallwayhopingtoseewhothismaniacwas.ButIsaw nothing. The hallwaywas completely empty, and totally silent except fortwoyoungnursesworkingattheirstation.“Oh,hello,”Isaidwarmly,asImademywayalongthecorridor.

“HiCatherine,”theyreplied.“Everythingokay?”“Sure,” I answered. “I was just wondering who that was flying down the

hallwaya fewminutesago.Hewasgoingfar toofast formy liking.Hecouldhavehurtsomeone,youknow.Andwhywashesinging?Ifyouseehimagain,pleasetellhimtoslowdown.Tellhimtogetsomesinginglessonswhileyou’reatit,”Isaidwithasmile.

“Wedidn’tseeanyone,”thenursesrepliedinunison.“Youdidn’t?”Iaskedinembarrassment.“No,wedidn’t.Sorry,Catherine.Maybeyoujusthadabaddream.”“No, it wasn’t a dream. I saw this strange-looking figure in one of those

electric wheelchairs speeding down this hallway. And he was singing thischildren’ssongIusedtoloveasakid.Ihaven’theardthatsongforyears.”

IwasbeginningtorealizehowsillyIsounded.Thenursesstartedtolaugh.“You’repullingourlegs,right?”“No, I’m serious. If you see him again, talk to him,” I said sternly. “He

shouldactmoreresponsibly.”“Okay,Catherine,wewill,”oneofthenursesreplied,stillchuckling.AsImademywaybacktomyroom,somethingonthefloorcaughtmyeye.

Theobjectwasshinyandmadeofmetal.AsIturneditoverandheldituptothelight,Icouldnotbelievemyeyes.Itwasagoldbutterfly.Iwasastounded.Myfather had given a butterfly like this tome and tomy older brother Julian to

remindus to be free thinkers aswegrewup andwent on to lead lives of ourown.Tohim,thebutterflywasasymboloffreedom,independenceandbeauty—qualitieshehopedwewouldfillourliveswith.Hegavethegoldbutterfliestouson thedayhewasnameda judgeof theFederalCourt. I remember feelingsovery proud ofmy dad on that day. He hadworked tirelessly to arrive at thatpositionanddeservedeverybitofhissuccess.Dadwassuchagoodman:noble,lovingandhonesttoafault.

Ihadkeptmybutterflyathomeandtreasureditasoneofmymostimportantbelongings,especiallyafterDaddied.IhavenoideawhatmybrotherJuliandidwith his. Knowing Julian, he probably sold it. My brother was a uniquecharacter,Imusttellyou.Youwillprobablynevermeetanyonequitelikehiminyour life. I’mnot surehowIwoulddescribehim toyou.Yes,hewasbrilliantandtalentedandirreverentandwild.Buthewassomuchmore.

Growing up, he was always the smartest—and cockiest—kid in his class.Givenhismoviestarlooks,theprettiestgirlsinschoolalwaysgravitatedtohim.Given his brains, he won every honor that the school had to bestow. Inuniversity,hewasaneliteathlete,abrilliantdebater,afirst-classstudentandaplanet-class playboy.He just had these immense humangifts. Itwas farmorethanhis intellect or his charisma.Hehad this amazing energy and light abouthimthatwasinescapable.Andevenmoreimportantly,Julianhadagoodheart.Ireally loved him and saw him as my hero. We had such fun growing up,spending summers atour lakeside cottage andwinterson the skihill.Mostofour time together was spent laughing and playing practical jokes with oneanother.Simplysaid,Julianwasoneamazingman.AndImissedhimdeeply.

Asexpected, Juliangraduated first inhisclassatHarvardLawSchool.Hewas the subject of an intense bidding war among the finest law firms in thecountry.Inshortorder,hecarvedoutareputationasoneofthebestandbrightesthiredlegalgunsinthenationandachievedsuccessthatwasimpressivebyanymeasure. Even my dad, a man who did not give praise lightly and whounderstoodthetruemeaningofexcellence,oftenremarked:“Thatboyreallyisgood.Reallygood.I’dbewillingtobethe’llbeontheSupremeCourtoneday.AchipofftheoldblockI’dsay,”hewouldaddwithalaugh.

Julian’sstarshonebrightlyformanyyears.Respectedasoneofthesmartestandtoughesttriallawyersintheentirecountry,heearnedanincomeinthesevenfigures and filled his life with the best that life had to offer. He purchased aspectacularmansioninaneighborhoodfavoredbycelebritiesandambassadors.Heinvestedinaprivatejettowhiskhimfromclienttoclientinroyalstyleand

would fly tailors in from Italy just tomakehima suit for abig trial.Heevenbought a home on a private island that he named “Nirvana” in hopes that itwould serve as a placeof renewalwherehemight recover from theblisteringpacehehadchosentokeep.ButofallJulian’spossessions,theonethathelovedmostwas the shiny redFerrari thathealwayskeptparked in thecenterofhisdriveway.Thatcarwashisjoy,hispassionandhisrewardforallthesacrificesheknewhehadmadealongtheroadtohisfastbutwell-deservedsuccess.

Along thepathofJulian’smeteoric rise in the legalprofession,mybrothermarried a wonderful woman and this golden couple had a beautiful daughterthey named Ally. She was an amazing little girl—unusually bright, alwayslaughingandconstantlygettingintomischief.I’veyettoseeachildasluminousand lovelyasAlly.Havingadaughter changedeverything for Julian.Sure,hestilldidextremelywellasalawyer,andhisskillsinthecourtroomremainedassharpasever.Sure,hestillhadthatcompetitivefirethatburneddeepinhisbellyandcompelledhimtoreachforthestars.Buthisprioritiesseemedtochangeasthedayswentby.Isawhewasbeginningto love the lifeofafamilyman.Hebegan taking everyFridayoff to donothingmore thanplaywithhis daughterandtakeheronoutingswithhiswife. I rememberhimbeingsoveryhappyatthattimeofhislife.

WhileJulianhadalwaysbeenhandsomeandfit,hisfaceactuallyseemedtoglowwhenhewaswithhisfamily.HiseyessparkledwhenhewouldshowupwithAlly,andIknewthiswasamanwhohadfoundtheinnerpeaceweallcraveinthisworldofhypercomplexityandinfiniteuncertainty.Julianwassurroundedbyloveandhadtheworldbythetail.Butlifehasawayofsettingusbackwhenweleastexpectordeserveit.Oftenitiswhenweareatthetopofourgamethatourgreatestsufferingbegins.Atsuchtimes,allthatisdeartouscanberippedoutfromunderus,leavingussittinginthedarknessandfacingtheabyss.Itisinthosemostbleakofmomentsthatwecatchaglimpseofwhowetrulyare.Itisinthose times of greatest pain that our true character is revealed. It is in thoselowest periods of life that we are introduced to our finest strengths. Andsomething soon happened to my dear brother Julian that introduced him tostrengthshecouldneverimaginehehad.

One sun-soaked autumn afternoon, as he drove littleAlly to her best friend’sbirthday party, Julian noticed that a car in the opposite lane was starting toswerveintohislane.Atfirsthethoughtnothingofit.Buthegrewconcernedas

thecarnotonlyremainedinhis lane,butstartedtoacceleratedirectly towardsthe car he and Ally were riding in. What happened in the next few secondschanged Julian’s life forever.Thedriver of the other car, drunk after a day ofharddrinkingwithhisbuddies, lost control and smashedheadon into Julian’scar.Unbelievably, Julian escapedwith nomore than a fewbruises.But sadly,littleAllywasnotsofortunate.Shewasfatallyinjuredwhenherheadstruckthewindshieldatthemomentofthecrash,andshediedinmybrother’sarmsashesat in the middle of the road screamimg for medical assistance. After thisunspeakable loss, Julianwasnever the same.Hewas transformed fromamanwho lived every day to the fullest to a man who struggled to survive eachpassinghour.Itbrokemyheart.

In a desperate attempt to avoid confronting his sorrow, he began spendingeverywakinghouratwork,sometimesspendingweeksonendsleepingonthecouchinhis lavishofficeandrefusingtomeetwithanyonewhomightremindhimof the life he once knew.Andwhile this tunnel vision led Julian to evengreatersuccessinhiscareer,itcreatedequallygreatdecayonthepersonalfront.CarlosCastanedaoncewrotethat“thebasicdifferencebetweenanordinarymanandawarrioristhatawarriortakeseverythingasachallengewhiletheordinarymantakeseverythingaseitherablessingoracurse.”IthinkthatJulianfelthewascursed.

His lovelywife eventually decided to leave him, saying that his obsessionwithworkandhisemotionalunavailabilitymadelifewithhimunbearable.Sheconfided inme that she did everything in her power to snap Julian out of thestatehehad fallen into,butnothinghadworked.Evenworse,hemade itveryclearfromhiswordsandactionsthathewasnotopentoreceivinganyhelp.Notfromanyone.Hejustwantedtobeleftaloneandwishedeveryonewould“mindtheirownbusinessandgoshowertheirpityonsomeoneelse.”

Julianbegantodrinkexcessivelyandliverecklessly.Hesleptlittle,atetoomuch and developed a rough exterior that pushed even those closest to himaway.Whatlittlefreetimehehadhewouldspendwithimpossiblythinfashionmodels or the rowdy band of stockbrokers he referred to as his “demolitionteam.”AlthoughIdidnotseemuchofJulianthosedays—herefusedtoacceptevenmyphonecalls—Iknewhewasheadedfortrouble.Deeptrouble.

Once I spotted him rushing along a downtown street with two briefcasesbulgingwith papers, sweat pouring off his forehead. His appearance that daybroughttearstomyeyes.Icouldnotbelievehowmybrotherlooked.Hisonceyouthfulandhandsomefacehadbeenreplacedbyalandscapeofwrinkles,and

hiseyesspokeofdeepsadness.Thechiseledphysiquehewasoncesoproudofhad given way to a grossly overweight figure and a fallen posture. And themillion-dollarsmile thatused toperpetually restonhis facehad leftwithoutatrace.IfeltsosadtoseeJulian,thebrotherwhomIlovedsomuchandhadsuchadmirationfor,goingthroughthisprivatehell.

Afewmonthslater,IreceivedaphonecallfromoneofJulian’slawpartners.IwasinformedthatJulianhadsufferedamassiveheartattackinthemiddleofthecourtroomwhilehewasarguingamajorcivilcase.Hehadbeenrushed to thehospitaland,thankfully,wouldsurvive,thepartnertoldme.But,asusual,Julianwasrefusingallvisitors.“Especiallyfamily,”hiscolleagueemphasized.

“Couldn’tIseehimforevenafewminutes?”Ipleaded.“I wish I could say yes, Catherine, but you know Julian. He has ordered

everyoneoutofhisroomandinstructedthehospitalstafftokeepthedoorclosedat all times. He even threatened one of the senior doctors with a lawsuit ifanyonewasgivenaccesstotheprivatetelephonelinetheyinstalledinhisroomforhim.”

“That’s so Julian,” I thought.Even in hismost vulnerable ofmoments, hewasfirstandforemostalawyer.

“There’s something else I think you should know, Catherine,” the partneradded as his voice grew quieter. “I really can’t believe this, but Julian hasannounced that he will give up the practice of law. He has tendered hisresignationandisleavingthefirm.”

“You’rekidding!”Iexclaimed,scarcelyabletobelievewhatIwashearing.“The law is in Julian’s blood, just like it was in Dad’s. He’s wanted to be alawyersincehewasfiveyearsold.”

“I’m just tellingyouwhathe toldmeearlier today,Catherine,” thepartnerrepliedinatonethatrevealedhisownshockatJulian’sdecision.

True to hisword,withinweeks Julian left the law.Evenmore astounding,withinmonthshesoldallhismaterialpossessions: themansion, theplaneandtheprivateisland.HeevensoldhisredFerrari,themostobvioussymbolofhissuccessandofthemanheoncewas.Ilearnedthroughanotheroneofhisfriendsthat Julian had retreated to India on some kind of “a search for life’s deepestmeaning,” as his friend put it. Julian left no forwarding address, no phonenumberbywhichhecouldbecontactedandnoindicationastowhenhewouldreturn.

“What’syourguess?”Iaskedhisfriend.“My guess is that neither you nor I will ever see the great JulianMantle

again,”camethehushedreply.

Astheyearsslippedby,IheardnothingfromJulian,notevenapostcard.Itwasas if he refused to acknowledge the existence of a sister or of the life he hadbefore the death of his daughter. Failing to see that there were lessons to belearnedfromJulian’sdownfall,Itoobecameconsumedwithmywork,thoughIhad started a familyofmyown.And though Ibegan to think less and lessofJulian over time, in my quieter moments, often when Jon and the kids wereasleepupstairs,Icouldnothelpwonderingwheremybrotherwasandwhetherhewasokay.Mymindwouldfloatbackto thosehotsummerdayswhenwe’dswimoffthedockatoursummerplaceandsailourlittleboatalongthelake.I’drecallJulian’ssenseofhumorandthepranksheusedtoplayonanyonewhohadthe misfortune of causing him the slightest aggravation. And most of all, IrememberedthatmischievoussparklethatneverleftJulian’seyes.Throughthemiracleofgenetics,Allyhadacquiredthatsamesparkle.My,howImissedthatlittlegirl.Andmy,howIlongedtoseemybrother.

AMonkComestoVisit

Thehappinessorunhappinessofamandoesnotdependupontheamountofpropertyorgoldhewins.Happinessormiseryisinone’ssoul.Awisemanfeelsathomeineverycountry.Thewholeuniverseisthehomeofanoblesoul.

Democritus

“I’myournewdoctor,”boomedthevoicefromthedarkenedendofthehallway.AsIlookedup,IwasastonishedbywhatIsaw.Iwatchedastrikingyoungmanin a doctor’s coat get up out of thewheelchair that had been flying down thecorridorandbegintowalktowardsmefromthedarkness.Andwhilehehadthestandardstethoscopehangingfromhisneck,somethingelsethathewaswearingtookmebysurprise.Theyoungmanappearedtobewearingahoodedredrobe,the kind I’ve often seen Tibetan monks wear. It was elegantly cut and verybeautifulinitstexture,withintricatestitchingalongitsflowingborders.Whileitwas still difficult to see theman in thedim light, as hemoved closer tome Isensedaremarkablyyouthfulandhandsomefacethatradiatedapositivevitalityandenergy.Iwasalsostruckbyhowfamiliarthismanlooked.

Attiredinsandals,withlittleflowerscarvedonthem,theyoungmanlookedfitandstrongandconveyedaspecialsenseofconfidenceaswellasinnerpeace.And his eyes, which I soon was able to see more clearly, looked like twosparklingdiamonds—theyseemedtopenetratedeepinsideofme,causingmetostandfrozeninthehallway.

“What kind of doctor are you?” I asked curiously. “You don’t fit thetraditionalmold,ifyoudon’tmindmesaying.”

“Afamilydoctor…ofsorts,”cametheimmediatereply.Muchoftheyoungman’sfigureremainedintheshadowedpartofthecorridor,givinghimalookofgreatmystery.

“FromwhatIcansee,youlookmorelikeavoodoodoctor…ofsorts,“Isaidwithasmalllaugh.Then,inmymostcommandingCEOtone,Iadded:“Well,Ihavenoneedforafamilydoctor,youngman.Iwasinaplanecrash.Iwashurt

very badly. And specialists are about the only people I have any interest inseeingthesedays.So,I’msorry,butI’mnotinterested.Iwantmyolddoctorandno one new. And, frankly, your attire makes me feel more than a littleuncomfortable.Isthatmonk’srobeyou’vegotonsupposedtoinstillconfidenceinpeople?”

“It keeps me warm in the winter,” he responded with a smile. “And itremindsmeofwhoIreallyam,”headded.

“Andwhomightthatbe?”Iwonderedaloud,takinghisbait.“Moreaboutthatlater.FornowjustletmesaythatIhavecometohelpyou.

Youmustputallyourfaithinme.Ireallydohaveyourbestinterestsinmind.”“Putmyfaith inyou?Areyoucrazy?” I replied, starting tobecomeangry.

“DoyouhaveanyideahowmuchIhavesuffered?DoyouhaveanyideahowmuchpainI’veendured?AllIwantismyolddoctor,somepainpillsandaquiethospitalroom.Idon’tneedsomejokerinamonk’srobetellingmehe’smynewdoctorandbeggingmetotrusthim.”

“I’mnot beggingyou to do anything,” the youngman stated calmly. “I’msimplyinformingyouthatIcanhelpyouinwaysyoucannotimagine.Yourolddoctor is indeed a very good one.Actually, she’s the best in her field and anexcellentchoice—ifit’sonlyyourbodyyouwanttofix.”

“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”Iasked,growingmoreandmoreagitated.“Well,yourdoctorwillhelpyougetyourphysicalhealthback.But Ihave

cometodosomuchmoreforyou. Ihavecomehere tohelpyougetyour lifeback together.”He paused reflectively, seeming to choose his next fewwordswithgreatcare,thenaddedwithexceptionalgentlenessthatmadehimseemfarolderthanheappearedtobe:“Iknowthatyouarefacingstrugglesinyourlife—especiallywithyourfamily.Iknowthatyouhaveexperiencednotjustaphysicalcrisis but a spiritual one too, one that is forcing you to confront theway youhavebeenlivingandreconsidertheprioritiesofyourlife.Ialsoknowthatyourfamilymeanseverythingtoyouandsomethinginsideyouistellingyoutostartputtingthemfirstbeforeitistoolate.”

“How could you possibly know that?” I asked, whispering as I tried tomaintainasenseofsecurityinfrontofthismanwhoknewsomuchaboutme.

“Trust me, I know pretty much everything there is to know about you. Iknowwhereyougrewup. Iknowthatapplepiewithascoopofchocolate icecreamontopisyourfavoritedessertandthatWallStreetisyourfavoritemovieofalltime.Ievenknowaboutthatbirthmarkonyour…”

“Stop!”Iinterjected.“Enoughalready.IthinkIgetthepoint.”

Whowasthisguy?FirsthefliesupanddownthehallwayinthatwheelchairasifhewasonthefirstlapofaFormulaOneracecourse.Thenhecomesupwithsomefar-fetchedstoryaboutbeingmynew“familydoctor.”Andnowherecitesdetailsofmypersonal life inall-too-accuratedetail. Iwasgrowingconcerned.Maybethisyoungmanwasdangerous.

“Listen.IhavenoideawhoyouareandIdon’treallycareallthatmuch,”Ilied.“I’mtired,I’minpainandIneedtorest.Isuggestyougetbackintothatwheelchair, head back down that hallway and let’s forgetwe evermet. If youdon’t,”IsuggestedinthemostthreateningvoiceIcouldmuster,“I’llhavethosenursescallsecurityimmediately.”

Theyoungmanremainedrelaxedandsupremelyconfident.Thenhestartedtolaugh.Hechuckledatfirst.Soonhestartedtoroarwithlaughter.

“Oh,Catherine,ifonlyyoucouldseeyourself.Gettingmadatamonkinadoctor’s robe while you’re standing in that silly hospital gown showing noprivacy in the back. I’ve always loved your spunk.You still never let anyonepushyouaround.Gladtoseeyouhaven’tchangedabitinalltheseyears.”

Heknewmyname.NowIwasreallyworried.Istartedwalkingtowardsthenursingstationtogethelpwhentheyoungmanraisedanarmandgrabbedmyhand,quicklyplacingsomethinginsideofit.

“Letgoofme!”Iyelledinanattempttogettheattentionofthetwonursesworkingnearby.

“Okay,”theyoungmanretreated.“JustgivemebackmybutterflyandI’llbegone.”

“Your butterfly? What on earth are you talking about? You really are alunatic,”Ishouted—untilIlookeddownattheobjectthatrestedinmyhand.

“Wheredidyougetthatfrom?”Iasked,beginningtocalmdown.“MydadgavemeoneofthosewhenIwasmuchyounger,”Iaddedsoftly.“Hehadthemspecially made for me and my brother Julian. They were truly unique andoriginalpieces.We’dneverseenanythinglikethembefore.Ithoughttherewereonlytwooftheseintheworld,tobehonestwithyou.GuessIwaswrong.”

“Thereareonlytwoofthemintheworld,”camethegentlereply.Iwasbaffled. If therewereonly twoof thesegoldenbutterflies,and Ihad

one at home, and Julian had the other, how could this strange visitor to thehospitalhavegottenone?Iwasworriedagain.MaybeJulianwasintrouble.

“DoyoumyknowbrotherJulian?”Iaskedhopefully.“Betterthanyoucouldeverimagine.IguessyoucouldsaythatJulianandI

areextraordinarilyclose,”herepliedwithagrinthatsuggestedheknewfarmore

thanhewasrevealing.“Whereishe?”Iaskedeagerly.“He’shere,”camethereply,“actuallyrighthereinthehospital.”“You’rekidding.”Myheartstartedtorace.Ibegantofeelalittledizzy.My

brother, the superstar litigator, his life derailed by tragedy, the man who hadheaded off to India somany years ago to find himself and save his soul, hadreturnedandwasactuallyhereinthisveryhospital.Impossible.

“Where?”Iasked,growingtiredofthisman’sgameplaying.“Julianisrightinfrontofyoureyes.Julianhasreturned.Julianisback.And

betterthanbefore,Imightadd,”repliedtheyoungmanjoyfully,ashedidalittlejig.

“I’msosorry,” Isaidsincerely.“Isense thatyouhavegood intentionsandmy intuition tellsmeyouareharmless.But Iamatacomplete lossas towhoyouareandwhyyouarehere.IfyouknowwhereJulianis,whywon’tyoutellmewheretofindhim?”

The youngman stepped back and raised his hands into a prayer stance asI’veobservedpeople in Indiadoupongreetingoneanother.Hestoodstillandlookeddeepintomyeyes.HedidnotspeakforamomentandallIcouldhearwas his breathing. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He then appeared toregainhiscomposureandslowlywipedhis facewithoneof thesleevesofhisdelicaterobebeforetakingafinalpauseandansweringmyquestion.

“Because,dearsisterCatherine,IamJulian.”The young man then stepped out of the shadows and, for the first time,

walked directly into the light. And though the physical transformation hadindeedbeenextraordinary, therewasnodoubtinmymindthatwhatIhadjustheardhadbeenthetruth.Mydearbrother,awayonsomewildadventureintheHimalayas,hadfinallyreturned.

TheMiraculousJourneyoftheGreatJulianMantle

Youwhowouldaccomplishlittlemustsacrificelittle;youwhowouldachievemuchmustsacrificemuch;youwhowouldattainhighlymustsacrificegreatly.

JamesAllen

Icouldnotcontainmyemotions.AftersomuchtimeapartfromtheonlybrotherI had, my heart overflowed with joy that he had finally returned. I crieduncontrollably,sheddingmoretearsinthosefirstfewminutesthanIhadintheentiredecadepriortothisremarkablereunion.Aswehuggedandkissed,Icouldscarcely believe how much Julian had changed. How had he achieved thismiracleandwhathadheexperiencedwhilehewasaway?Bymycalculations,he would be in his late fifties right now and, frankly, he had looked at leasttwentyyearsolderthanthatthelasttimeIhadseenhim.Backthen,hiswizenedfacetestifiedtotheextentofhissufferingandtheburdenofhisout-of-balancelifestyle.He had been dramatically overweight, coughed incessantly and oftenhad troublebreathing. Itwas clear tome then that theold Julianhad adeath-wishandwasworkinghimself into thegroundasameans tobring itall toanend.

The Julian beforeme, on the other hand,was a perfect specimen of peakhealth.Hisbodywasstrongandhisbearingwaspowerful.Hisfaceexudedtheenergyofyouthandanabundanceofjoy.Evenmoreremarkablewerehiseyes—unbelievablystrikingeyes.Therewassomethingwithinthemthattoldmethatthis young man was an old soul who had seen more and learned more thananyone could ever have imagined of him. He seemed wise and worldly anddecent and kind. “The deepest personal defeat suffered by human beings isconstitutedbythedifferencebetweenwhatoneiscapableofbecomingandwhatonehas in factbecome,”observedAshleyMontagu.Thismanstandingbeforeme,whoembodiedgreatstrengthyetenormoushumility,seemedtobeapersonwho had somehow become all that he was capable of being. I cannot reallydescribewhyIhad this feeling.Letme justsay thatat thatmoment, Ihad the

sense that Iwasstandingbeforeahumanbeing thathadconnected tohisownspecialformofgreatness.

“Iknow it’s impossible tobelieve,Catherine.But it really isme.God, it’sgreat toseeyou, littlesister.YouhavenoideahowmuchI’vemissedyouandhowoftenI’vethoughtaboutyou,”Juliansaidashereachedoverandgavemeyetanotherbearhug,followedbyatenderkissonmyforehead.

“Youcouldhavecalledmeoratleastwrittenusaletter,”Ireplied.Hepausedforalongmomentasapainedlookcameoverhisface.“I’mso

sorryIcutyouofflikeIdid,butafterAllydied,myheartandspiritbroke.I’venever felt somuchpain inmywhole life.Somedays Iwas insomuchagonyovermy loss that I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’twant to talk to anyone. Ididn’twanttoseeanyone.IdidwhateverIcouldtothrowmyselfintomywork.ItwastheonlythingthatcouldkeepmymindoffAlly.”

“Butwecouldhavehelped,”Isaidsincerely.“Idon’tthinkso,Catherine.IwasdeeplywoundedandIreallydidneedto

getawayfromthisplace.Youheardaboutmyheartattack,didn’tyou?”“Idid,”Irepliedsympatheticallyasheputhisarmaroundmeandwestarted

walkingbackintomyroom.“Well,italmostkilledme.ThedoctorssaiditwasamiraclethatIsurvived.

They said that I had a brave heart and a burningwill to live. After the heartattack,therewasnowayintheworldIwasgoingbacktomylawpractice.Thepassion and sense of focus had evaporated and I had a hunger for somethingelse.”

“Likewhat?”“Ihadathirsttodiscoveramuchdeepersenseofmeaninginmylife.Inthis

agewelivein,wehearitspokenaboutalot.Somanyofusareaskingourselveslife’sbiggerquestions,likewhatisitallaboutandwhyamIhereandwhatisthetruepurposeofmyexistenceonthisplanet?”

“I’venoticedthattoo,Julian.”“Hey,that’sthefirsttimeyou’vecalledmeJulian,littlesister.Youreallydo

believeit’sme!”“Ido.Butyourtransformationisprettyamazing.”Ithenreachedover,kissed

Julian on his bronzed cheek and gave him another huge hug.He reciprocatedwith a kiss tomy forehead andwe held each other close, feeling that uniquehumanconnectionthatonlybrothersandsisterscanshare.Aswehuggedeachother,InoticedJulianstartingtoshake.AsIlookedupathisface,Isawthathehad started to cry once again. This made me cry, too, and soon tears were

flowingdownbothourfaces.Julianquicklyreinedinhisemotion,butInoticednoneoftheembarrassment

thattheJulianofoldwouldhaveshownatthisoutburstofvulnerability.“You’veneverseenmecryasanadult,haveyouCatherine?”

“True.”“One of themany things I’ve learnedwhile I’ve been away is thatwe all

needtobereal.”“Tobereal?”Iasked,notquitesureofwhatJulianwasgettingat.“Yes,Catherine.Mostofusliveourentireliveswearingasocialmaskthat

hidesour trueselves.Rather thanshowing the fullcolorsofourhumanity,weworkhardtosculptanimageofthepersonwethinktheworldwantsustobe.Wesaythethingsotherpeoplewantustosayandweartheclothesotherpeoplewantustowearanddothethingsotherpeoplewantustodo.Ratherthanlivingthe lives we have been destined to live, we end up living the lives of otherpeople.Andinsodoing,wedieaslowdeath.‘Deathisonlyoneofmanywaysof dying,’the explorer Alvah Simon put it. So now, I live my life entirelyaccordingtowhatmyhearttellsmeistherightwaytolive.IfIfeellikecrying,as I just did because I am so happy to be with you again, I cry. If I feeloverwhelmed with joy, I sing. If I feel love towards someone, I express it. IguessyoucouldsaythatInowwearmyheartonmysleeve.Ilivecompletelyinthemomentandenjoyeverysinglemomentofthisgreatgiftwecalllife.”

“Andthatmeansyouare‘real’?”Iasked.“Yes, itmeans that I am living thewayweweremade to live. Toomany

peoplebecomedomesticated.”“Domesticated?”“Sure.Theyhavebecomesogoodatkeepingupappearancesanddoingwhat

othersexpectofthemtheybecomedomesticated—liketrainedseals.”“Isn’tthatalittleharsh,Julian?”“Notreally,Catherine.Weallhaveahighhumanduty to liveour livesout

loud.Weallhaveadeephumanobligationtoliveourbestlivesandshowupatthetopofourgameeverysingleday.Thatmeansbeingrealandlisteningtoyourinnerwisdom.Itmeanssayingnotoallthosethingsthatyouknowarenottherightthingsforyoutodo,soyoucansayyestoallthosetrueprioritiesthatwilladd great richness to your days and true fulfillment to your hours.” Juliancontinued.“Icouldhavegonebacktopracticinglawbut itwouldhavebeenapersonaldefeat.”

“Howso?”

“BecauseIhavelearnedthroughmytrialsinlifethateverythingthathappenstoushappenstousforareason.”

“Iagreecompletely,”Isaid,recognizingthistobeaprincipleIhadrecentlydiscoveredinmyownlife.

“Notonlythat,butIhavealsolearnedthatfailuresandsufferinginlifeareactuallyourbestfriends.AlexanderGrahamBellmadethepointwellwhenheremarked:‘Whenonedoorcloses,anotheropens.Butweoftenlooksolongandsoregretfullyuponthecloseddoorthatwefailtoseetheonethathasopenedforus,’”offeredJulian,concentratingonhiswordsashespoke.

“Sotrue,”Istated.“Yes, Catherine. Our wounds ultimately give us wisdom. Our stumbling

blocks inevitablybecomeoursteppingstones.Andoursetbacks leadus toourstrengths.AsLeightononcewrote: ‘Adversity is thediamonddust thatheavenpolishesitsjewelswith.’”

“Lovelywords.Letmewritethemdown,”Isaidearnestly.“Youwon’tneedto,littlesister.I’llteachyoueverythingyouneedtoknow

and believe me, you won’t forget a thing. But here’s the point I’m trying tomake:Icouldhavegonebacktopracticinglawandmakingallthatmoney.Buttohavedonesowouldhavebeentoturnablindeyetotheopportunitythatlifehadpresentedmewith.TheremusthavebeensomereasonforAlly’sdeathandmy divorce and my subsequent heart attack. I knew that if I accepted thechallengeandgotoutofthepitypartyIhadbeenspendingmydaysin,Iwoulddiscover something thatwould takeme to awhole new level of living.And Isensed thatwith thiswould come farmore joy, happiness and love than I hadeverknown.”

“Love?Idon’trememberyoubeingmuchofonetospeakaboutlove,Julian.My,howyouhavechanged.”

“Loveiswhatweneedmoreof inthisworld,Catherine.AndI’mnotonlyreferringtolovingotherpeople.Wemustshowlovetoourwork.Wemustshowlovetooursurroundings,andmostimportantly,wemustshowlovetoourselves.Onlythencanwereallygiveourlovefullytootherpeople.Mypointofwisdomissimplythis:everythingyoudoasyou liveoutyourdaysmustspeakof love.LeoTolstoywrote: ‘Only one clear qualitymarks an action as either good orevil: if it increases the amount of love in theworld, it is good. If it separatespeopleandcreatesanimosityamongthem,itisbad.’”

“So tobemore fullyhuman I shouldnotonly showmore love to Jon, thekids and all the people aroundme, but I should also show love tomywork?

Then I’ll be a real, fully functioning person.But doesn’t that lead to the veryimbalance I have been strugglingwith for so long? I don’t think I should beworkingmore.IthinkIshouldbeworkingless.”

“Interestingobservation,Catherine.Well,Iguessitallcomesdowntowhatyoudescribetobeyourwork.Youarespeakingofworkinaverynarrowway.Iamspeakingoflovingtheworkofyourlife.”

“Mylife’swork?”“Yes.Perhapsforyouyourlife’sworkisraisingtwofinechildrenwhowill

gooutintothisworldandmakeitabetter,wiserplace.Ialsosenseyourlife’swork involves BraveLife.com and the lives you are transforming with thatenterprise.”

“How do you know about BraveLife.com?” I asked in amazement. “Ithought you had sequestered yourself in some mountain retreat high in theHimalayas.”

“SinceI’vebeenback,I’vebeenreadingaboutyou.You’vebeendoingsomegreatthingsonthebusinessfront,littlesister,notthatI’matallsurprised.Imusthavetaughtyouwell,”Juliansuggestedwithmockpride.

“Don’t stick thatmuscled chest you’ve somehow acquired out too far, bigbrother.Ididitallmyself,”Ilaughed.

“Always the independent one, Catherine. I’ve always loved that in you aswell asyour toughnessand thatdedication toexcellence thatyouhavealwaysinsisted upon. But back to what I was saying—love your life’s work. Loveeverythingandeveryone.Yourlifewillchange.”

“Doyouhaveanexample?”“Well, howabout if I offer you thewords of that great philosopherKahlil

Gibran. His words are so beautiful to me: ‘When you work, you are a flutewhose heart the whispering of the hours turns tomusic. To love life throughlabor is to be intimatewith life’s utmost secret.Allwork is empty savewhenthere is love, forwork is lovemadevisible.’So loveyourwork atBraveLife.Giveyourselftoitandaddvaluetolivesintheprocess.ButalsoloveyourworkasamotherandyourroleasapartnertoJon.”

“Okay,”Irepliedincompletefascination.“Sowhatexactlydidyoudoaftertheheartattack?”

“Well,firstImadeaconsciousdecisiontoselleverythingIowned.Ihadtotravel light and all my worldly possessions would only clutter my mind andencumber my life. I decided to strip my life down to the very essentials ofhumanexistenceandtosimplifytothecore.AndsoIsoldthemansion.Isold

theplane.Isoldtheisland.”“YouevensoldyourFerrari, Julian. Icouldn’tbelieve itwhenIheardyou

didthat!”“IthinkIevensurprisedmyselfwiththatlittlegesture,”Juliannotedwitha

smileashestrokedtheembroideryonthesleeveofhisbeautifulrobe.“IheadedofftoIndia,aplaceIknewwouldholdmanyoftheanswerstothe

questionsthatIneededtoask.Thatwasanincrediblyspiritualperiodofmylife.Ifeltliberatedforthefirsttimeinyears.IknewthatIwasembarkingonsomegreatpaththatwouldleadmetoawholenewunderstandingofwhatlifewasallabout.GeorgeBernardShawwrotethat‘tobeinhellistodrift;tobeinheavenistosteer,’andforthefirsttimeinsoverylong,IactuallyfeltIwasincontrolofmyfuture.IfeltasifIwaslivingbydesignratherthanbydefault—thewaysomanyofusliveourlives.”

“Iagree,Julian.Mostpeopleseemtolivetheirlivesbyaccident,reactingtotheeventsof theirdaysrather thancreatingthecircumstances theyseein theirdreams,”Iadded,becomingcaughtupintheinspirationmybrotherwasfillingmewith.

“Beautifully said, Catherine. Oh, I am impressed!” he shouted withenthusiasm, slapping both of his bronzed hands on his knees. “You’ve alwayshadasuperbmindbutnowyou’vedevelopedapoet’sheart.”

“Well,notquite,Julian,”Irepliedhumbly.JulianthenrecountedhowhehadtraveledacrossIndia,sometimesbytrain,

sometimes by bicycle and sometimes on foot. He delighted in meeting thepeople of that rich culture and learning their wise ways. He visited ancienttemplesandwatchedmajesticsunsetsoverancientruins.Hebegantoreconnectwith thechildlikespirithehadlostsightof,andgraduallyhis trademarksmilereturned.

“Iusedtostareatthestarsforhours.Idevouredphilosophicaltexts,makingnotes inmydogeared journal aboutall the insights that came tome. Iused totake long walks with sages and yogis and pepper them with question afterquestion aboutwhat life’s highest purpose reallywas andhow I could fillmydayswithmoremeaningandgrace.Iaskedthemhowonecouldbehealthierandhappier andmore alive to life before itwas too late. Iwondered how I coulddeepenmyhumanrelationshipsandfindtheloveIhadlostafterAllydiedandmywife leftme.And I encouraged them to teachme how to slow downmynoisymindanddiscoveradeepsenseofinnerpeacethatIknewwasoneofthecornerstonesofatrulyfulfillinglife.”

“Sounds like a remarkable time, Julian. I especially like the stuff aboutslowingdownandenjoying themore fundamentalpleasuresof life thatweallmiss out on as we keep up the crazy pace of this new world we exist in. Irecentlyclippedoutaquotefromthenewspaper.Here,letmeshowittoyou,”Isaid,reachingdownintothedrawerofthetableatmybedside.Itread:

Mostofusmissoutonlife’sbigprizes.ThePulitzer.TheNobel.Oscars.Tonys.Emmys.Butwearealleligibleforlife’ssmallpleasures.Apatontheback.Akissbehindtheear.Afourpoundbass.Afullmoon.Anemptyparkingspace.Acracklingfire.Agreatmeal.Aglorioussunset.Hotsoup.Coldbeer.Don’tfretaboutgettinglife’sgrandawards.Enjoyits tinydelights.Thereareplenty forallofus.

“Oooh, that’s reallygood,Catherine. Iwish I’dwritten that.Reallymakes thepointofenjoyingthebasicblessingsoflifeasourpathunfolds.I’venowlearnedthattheroadreallyisasgoodastheendanditissoimportantthatwenotputoffbeing happy until the arrival of some future event. Too many of us lie toourselvesinthisrespect.”

“Pleaseclarify?”“Sure, we tell ourselves that we will be happy when we get that big

promotionorthatnewjob.Orwesaywewillhavemorefuninlifeoncethekidsgrowupandgoofftocollege.Wesaywewillmakethetimetowatchthestarsand pursue our passions when we retire. But that is the Big Lie of Life.Happinessdoesnotarrivewhenyouachievecertainthings.Itcomeswhenyouthinkcertainthoughts.Happinessisnothingmorethanastateofmindthatyoucreatebythewaythatyouprocessandinterprettheeventsofyourlife.ItcomesbygivinggreatthanksforallthatyouhaveinyourlifeandfromdevelopingtheGratitudeMindsetwherebyyoudeeplyappreciateallthelittlewondersofyourlife.As the sage thinkerCecil once observed: ‘Every year ofmy life, I growmoreconvincedthatitiswisestandbesttofixourattentiononthebeautifulandthegoodanddwellaslittleaspossibleontheevilandfalse.’”

“Evenmoreimportantly,rememberthatthehandthatgivesisthehandthatgathers, and that giving to others starts the receiving process. Do not makehappinessthegoalthatdrivesyou.Makeservicetoothersandaheartfeltdesiretoenrichpeopleyourcorefocus—thenhappinesswillcome.‘Justimaginethatthe purpose of life is your happiness only—then life becomes a cruel andsenseless thing,’ wrote Tolstoy. ‘You have to embrace what the wisdom of

humanity, your intellect and your heart tell you: that themeaning of life is toservetheforcethatsentyouintotheworld.Thenlifebecomesajoy.’”

“Powerfulwords.I’llneedtothinkmoreaboutthemwhenIamalone.Butnow,pleasetellmemoreaboutyourjourney.It’sanincrediblestory.”

“After a few months of some of the most intense personal growth anddiscoveryIhaveeverexperienced,”Juliancontinued,“Ibegantogrowhungryforevenmoremeaningfulwisdomonhowtolivearicher,morejoy-filledlife.IpushedtheteachersandpunditsIhadmettorevealevendeepertruthstomeandto helpme find even greater enlightenment. Theywere so decent and loving,sharingeverythingtheyknewwithouteventheslightestexpectationofanythinginreturn.InowknowtheywerealignedwithwhatisknownastheAbundancePrinciple.”

“The Abundance Principle. I’ve never heard of it,” I replied with greatcuriosityasIsatupstraightinmybed.

“It’sthattimelessandimmutableprincipleofnaturethatI’vejusthintedat.Itholds that the more you give to others, the more you will ultimately receiveyourself.I’vediscoveredthatifyouwantmoreabundanceandprosperityinlife,youneedtogivemore.Abundanceisanenergythatcirculatesintheworld,andthemoreyousendout,themoreyouwillseecomebacktoyou.TheAbundancePrinciple works incredibly well in business as well. To grow wealthy, stopwishing that youmademoremoney and ask yourself howyou can helpmorepeople.Whenyougetdeeplyfocusedandcommittedtoaddingvaluetothelivesofthosepeopleyouserve,themoneywillbegintoflowinariver.Neverforget,Catherine,thatmoneyisnothingmorethanpaymentfromtheuniverseforvalueaddedandservicesrendered.Themorevalueyoucanadd,themoremoneyyouwillmake.”

“So you are saying that people in businessmake amistake inmaking thepursuitofmoneytheirprimaryobjective?”

“Iam.Moneyisnottobechased.Moneyisthebyproductthatcanflowintoyour lifewhenyour focus shifts tohelpingpeople livebetter lives and realizetheirowndreams.AsViktorFranklwrotesoperfectly:‘Success,likehappiness,cannotbepursued.Itmustensue.Anditonlydoessoastheunintendedsideofone’spersonaldedicationtoacausegreaterthanone’sself.’”

Julianadded:“InIndia,amidsuchwisdomandloveforhumanity,Irealizedthatthereisagrandpurposetoeverylife.”

“Really?”“Truly,littlesister.Weareallheretoliveheroiclivesandmakeadifference

to the world, in our own unique way. I recently came across the words ofGeneralJamesDoolittleof theU.S.AirForce,whomadethepointofwisdomI’mtryingtoconveyintheseterms:Wewereputonearthforonepurposeandthatistomakeitabetterplace.Weshould,therefore,becontributingmembersofsociety.Andiftheearth,asaresultofourhavingbeenonit,isabetterplacethanitwasbeforewecame,thenwehaveachievedourdestiny.’”

“Thenwhydon’tmoreofusdiscover thiscalling?Whyaresomanyofusunfulfilledandunhappy?”

“Becausewe are sobusy fillingour liveswith clutter andpossessions andbusyness thatwehaveno timeto thinkaboutTheThingsThatTrulyCount. ItremindsmeofthewordsofanancientZenmasterwhoreflected:‘MostpeopletrytogetmoreeverydaywhileIstrivetogrowsimplerandmoreuncomplicatedevery day.’ Ifwewould only slow down, press the pause button a littlemoreoftenandhavealookatthebigpictureofourlives,wewouldarriveatagreaterunderstandingofwhywearehereandwhatwemustbedoing.Iknowthelastthingyouwanttohearaboutisbeingonaplane,butthere’sametaphorIneedtosharewithyou.”

“You’reright,I’mstillquitefearfulaboutflying,butgoahead.”“Don’tworry,Catherine.I’vespokentoallyourdoctorsandevenhadsome

ofmyoldfriends,thebestdoctorsinthecountry,reviewyourchartsandcheckyourprogress.Everyoneadvisesmeyouaredoingextremelywellandwillmakeafullrecovery.Iknowyou’vegonethroughagreattragedyand,believeme,theverypurposeofmyvisitistohelpyouthroughthiswholething.ButthepointIwanttomakeissimplythis:onaplane,let’ssayat35,000feet,ifyoulookdownto theground,yougainacompleteperspectiveon theworld.Youcannotmisstheforestforthetreesbecauseyougetthefullview.”

“Iagree.Weseethebigpicture.”“Right.Well,whatweneedtodofarmoreofteninourlivesisto‘goupto

35,000.’”“Weneedtoflymore?”Iasked,slightlyconfused.“No,whatI’msayingisthatweneedtoregainperspectiveinourlivessowe

canidentifyandthenrealignthewaywelivewithourmostimportantpriorities.Weneedto‘goupto35,000’sowecanhaveaeagle’s-eyeviewofthewayweareconductingourdayssowecanmakethoseessentialcoursecorrectionsandgetbackontracktowardsourdestination.Mostpeoplejustdon’tdoenoughofthat.AsthethinkerJoannaSmithBerssaid:

Weneedtodefineourpriorities—thevalues,endeavorsanddreamsthatguideus—and build our worlds around those things. It’s not enough just to getthroughtheday.Weneedtomakeeverydayaplatformforaccomplishingwhatwewantoutoflife.Wemusttakeresponsibilityforourselvesandtheworldweliveinsothatwecanlivewithourselvesandtheworldaroundus.

“Hmm,”Ireplied.Neverbeforehadanyonebeenabletosharewisdomthatstruckmesoclearly.ThoughtsbeganracingthroughmyheadasIidentifiedallthethingsthatwerenotworkinginmylifeandalltheprioritiesthatIhadbeenneglectingforsolong.MostlyIthoughtaboutmyfamily.IreallymissedPorterandSarita. Iwondered if Jonwas okay andwhat hewould be doing at homerightnow.IstartedmakingmorepromisestomyselfaboutthechangesIwouldmakeandallthenewactionsIwouldtakethemomentIwasreleasedfromthishospitalroom.ThenmyminddriftedbacktoJulian.Mybrotherhadbecomesomuchmore than thepersonheoncehadbeen.The former Julianwasbrilliantandtenaciousandcharismatic.ButthenewJulianwasthoughtfulandknowingandwise.Ilovedhimevenmorethisway.

“Soyouweresayingthatyoukeptonpressingthepunditsyoumetforevendeeperknowledge,Julian.Whathappened?”

“IlearnedsomeamazingthingsanddiscoveredthingsaboutmyselfI’dneverknownbefore.”

Bythistime,Julianwasrelaxingonthechairnexttomybedwithhislonglegs outstretched and his hands resting comfortably behind his head.His facewasanimatedashespoke,andhiseyesdancedwiththepassionofhismessage.Iwasspellboundbywhatmybrotherwassayingandmesmerizedbyeverywordhespoke.

“After a fewmonths of traveling into the north of India, I started hearingwhisperingsaboutabandofmonkswholivedhighintheHimalayas.Accordingto legend, these sages, known only as ‘The Great Sages of Sivana’—Sivanameans ‘oasis of enlightenment’ in their language—had developed anextraordinary system that anyone could use to achieve remarkable levels ofpersonal mastery and inner fulfillment. These sages had distilled all of thewisdom of the ages into a practical and extremely powerful process that theyusedtolivetheirliveswitharemarkabledegreeofpeace,joyandfestivity.Theonlyproblemwasthatnobodyseemedtoknowhowtofindtheseelusivemonks.Ialsoheardthatmanyhaddiedtrying.

“Anyway,”continuedJulianashetookasipofteafrommycup,“youknow

I’vealwaysbelievedintakingrisks.It’slikeDadalwaystoldus:‘Attheendofour lives,whatwewill regret themostwillnotbeall the riskswe took.Whatwillfillourheartswiththegreatestamountofsadnesswillbeallthoseriskswedidn’ttake,all thosefearswedidn’tfaceandallthosewonderfulopportunitieswedidnotseize.’Remember,Catherine,ontheothersideoffearliesfreedom.So I threw caution to the wind and with every ounce of enthusiasm I couldmusterupIheadedofffortheHimalayasinsearchoftheultimateknowledgeIwascommittedtodiscovering.AndifIdidn’tfindthemonks,Iwaspreparedtodietrying.

“Formanydaysandmanynights,Iclimbedinthosetreacherousmountains.ThoughIenduredgreatpainandcameclosetodeathonmorethanoneoccasion,I also experienced beauty I’d never seen before,” remarked Julian. “I guess itwas the rawness of the scenery and the simplicity of my surroundings thattouchedmesodeeply.Ifeltsoconnectedtotheuniverseonthattrekandapartofsomethingsomuchlarger thanmyselfup there.AndInevergaveup. I justclimbedandclimbed,hopingIwouldsurviveandeventuallyfindthesages.Youknow I’ve always believed that persistence is a quality that needs to becultivatedwithineveryoneofusifwehopetogettowherewedreamofgoinginlife.‘Somesucceedbecausetheyaredestinedto;mostsucceedbecausetheyaredeterminedto,’notedAnatoleFrance.

“Aftermucheffortanddedication,Ifinallyhadabreakthrough.Oneday,Icaught a glimpse of another figure, dressed oddly in a long flowing red robetoppedbyadarkbluehood.Icouldnotbelieveanotherpersoncouldbeupherealone.‘Forwhatpurposecouldsomeonebeuphere?’Iwondered.

“Iyelledouttothisfellowclimberbutratherthanstoppingtotalktome,thefigure started moving even more quickly up the mountain path we wereascending.WhenIcalledoutagain,thistimeatthetopofmylungs,thestrangetravelerstartedtorunatfullspeed,hisfacestillhiddenfromview,hisredrobedancinggracefullyinthewindbehindhim.

“‘Please,friend,I’mingreatdistress!’Icriedout.‘IneedyourhelptofindSivana.I’mlookingforthesagesandIthinkI’mlost!’”

“Then the figure came to an abrupt stop. As I moved closer to thismysteriouspersonwhosefacewasstillhiddenby thehood, the traveler turnedtowardsme and began stepping inmydirection. Suddenly, a burst of sunlightstruck the face, revealing that the traveler was a man. But I must tell you,Catherine,I’veneverseenamanquitelikethisone.Never.Myguesswasthathewasprobablyinhislatefiftiesbuthisbrownfacewassuppleandsmooth.His

bodylookedremarkablystrongandpowerfulandheradiatedboundlessvitality.Hestoodtallandhadanalmostregalbearingabouthim.AndIstillrememberhiseyes,sopenetratingthatIwascompelledtolookawayforaninstant.

“Itwasobvioustomethatmysearchhadcometoanend.Iwasconvinced;thishadtobeoneoftheGreatSagesofSivana.AndsoIopenedmyhearttothishumanbeing, praying forhis help and explainingwhy I had riskedmy life tocomeuptothisperilousplace.Itoldhimaboutmyformerlife,thesuccessIhadexperiencedasasuperstar in the legalworld, the jetset lifestyleIhadadopted,and thenof the tremendous loss Ihadenduredon thedeathofAlly. Ipleadedwithhimtotakemetohiscommunityofsagesandtopermitmetolearnfromtheir deep wisdom so I could discover the secrets of a complete, meaningfullife.”

Julian toldme that theman listened to his talewith intense concentrationwithoutspeakingaword.Hewasnotevensureifthesageunderstoodawordhewas saying. Then, surprisingly, the sage reached over and put an arm onmybrother’sshoulder.“Ifyoutrulyhaveaheartfeltdesiretolearnthewisdomofabetterway to liveoutyour life, then it ismypersonalduty tohelpyou. Iwillneverrefusetoassistanyonewhocomestomeinneed.Givinghelptoonewhorequires assistance is one of our sacred vows and one that I hold close tomyheart.Iamindeedoneofthosesagesyouhavecomesofarinsearchof.Youarethefirstpersontofindusinmanyyears.Congratulations,Iadmireyourtenacity.Youmusthavebeenquitealawyer,”heremarkedwithagrin.ThesagethenledJuliantothemountainhideawaywhereheandtheothermonkslived,promisinghim that theywouldwelcome himwith open arms and teach him the ancientprinciplesthattheirancestorshadpasseddowntothemovertheages.

“There was one condition that this sage imposed onme, however,” notedJulianseriously.“Istillrememberhiswords:‘BeforeItakeyouintoourprivateworldandshareourcollectiveknowledge,Imustaskforonepromisefromyou.Althoughweareisolatedhereinthesemagicalmountains,weareacutelyawareoftheturmoilyourworldisin.Peopleareforgettinghowtolivewithdecencyand love. People have lost sight of the things that truly count. They sacrificemeaning formoney and chase profit instead of purpose.Their families are nolonger their highest priority and, as a consequence, their spouses and theirchildren suffer needlessly.Theyno longermake the time to renew themselvesandcultivatetheirmostimportanthumanrelationships.Theyhaveforgottenthatlife’slittlepleasures,likethemagicofachild’slaughorthegloryofasunrise,arelife’smostimportantones.Ifeelsostronglythatpeopleinyourpartofthe

worlddeservetoleadhappierandfullerlives.Iknowthereishopeforallthesepeople,andmyintuitionistellingmethatthishopemustcomefromyou.Whileyou are with us in these mystical mountains, you will discover a remarkablesystemfortrueleadershipofyourlife.Youwilllearnsomuchaboutthepowerthat thehumanspirithastobeaforceforgoodinthischaoticworld.Youwilldiscover how to be stronger, healthier, happier and wiser than you have everbeen.Youwillalsocometounderstandhowimportantrichrelationshipsareforeffectiveliving,andlearnsomeveryuniquetechniquestorestoreatruesenseofloveforyourlife.”

“Love?”Julianasked,surprisedthatthesagewouldvaluethis.“Yes,”camethequickreply.“Weallneedmoreloveinourlives.Asamatter

offact,thisworldwouldbeafarbetterplacewithmorelove.ButbeforeItakeyouintoourcultureandintroduceyoutoallmybrothersandsisters,youmustfirst promiseme that youwill share the lessons you learn at our feetwith allthoseintheWestwhoneedtohearthem.Youmustbetheconduitoftheancientlifewisdomwehaveaccumulatedandspread it throughoutyourworld so thatmanypeoplecanbehelpedandmanyliveswillbetransformed.Mostimportantinlifeisnotwhatyougetfromit,butwhatyougivetoit.Lifeisabouthelpingothers andblessing theworldby thewayyou live.Youmust commityourselffromthedeepestcoreofyourhearttogoverningtherestofyourdayswiththissimplebutforgottenprinciple.Promise?”

“I agreed to this condition immediately,” Julian told me, before taking apause.“WithinafewhoursIwasstandinginthemostamazingvillageIhadeverseen inmy life. It was breathtakingly beautiful and surreal in its appearance.Never seen anything even close to that place, Catherine. Every structure,including the temple that rested in the center of the village, was covered byroses.”

“Roses?”Iquestioned.“Roses.Imeanthefragranceofthatplacewassoincredible.Andeveryone

of the inhabitants of Sivana looked just as special as the great sagewho hadbroughtme there. Iwas in complete aweof thewholeplace. I really couldn’tbelieveit.Ihadriskedmylifetofindthislegendaryplace.Ihadfinallyfoundit,and then Iwasgiven theprivilegeofbeingapartof their communityand thechancetostudyattheirfeet.ThejoyIfeltmovedmetotears.”

Julian’s story had held me enthralled for nearly two hours. My brother’sadventure was the stuff of fiction, and yet he had actually lived it. For somereason, the nurses outside ofmy roomhaddecided to leaveus alone, perhaps

sensingthathewasfamilyandthatthecontactwouldbegoodformyspirits.Iwondered what they thought of his attire? Probably the first monk they haveseeninhere,Igiggled.Icouldn’twaittohearwhatJulianhadlearnedinSivana.Inowknowwhyhehadsaidhehadreturnedheretohelpme.Hehadcomebackhome to fulfill hispromise to the sageby sharing their systemof life renewaland wise living with me. I hoped Julian could help me mend my familyrelationshipsand teachmehow tomakemyhome the spiritedplace Iknew itcould be. For the first time in a longwhile, I felt excited at the prospect of amore fulfilling life.Theemptiness thathadengulfedme for so long started topass like gray storm cloudsmakingway for the first rays of sunshine. Julianstoodup.

“Catherine,I’msohappytoseeyou,”hesaidtenderly.“ButIhavetoleaveforalittlewhile.TherearesomethingsthatIhavetodo.”

“Julian,Ihaven’tseenyouinyears.Pleasedonotleavemenow,”Irepliedanxiously.

“I promise I’ll be back.As amatter of fact, I have noplans to leave hereanytime soon, so you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not. You’veprobablyguessedwhyI’mhere.”

“Tofulfillyourpromisetothesages?”“Exactly.Iknewyouwere in trouble.I readabout theplanecrashandthat

was why I rushed here. But even before that, I knew you were spiralingdownwardsintodarkness.Iheardfromoneofmyformerlawpartnersthatyouhad become a great success in business but that your personal life was inshambles.Thosetwofinechildrenofyoursneedyou.Youhaveanobligationtoput them first and to inspire them to develop the leadership qualities thatwillhelpthembecomegreat,caringadultsoneday.Iwillshowyouhowtobecomeamasterfulparentandfinddeepfulfillmentintheprocess.Iwillsharethesages’secretsofbuildingrelationshipssoyourconnectiontoJondeepensinprofoundways.And I’ll also teach you how to simplify that complex life of yours andrestoreidealbalance.”

“DoyouthinkIhavetogiveupmycareer?”Iasked.“Notatall.I’mheretoteachyouthatitispossibletohaveitall.Itispossible

tohaveasatisfyingprofessional lifewhereyoudogreatworkandtouchmanylivesand,atthesametime,raiseawonderfulfamilywhilecreatingarichhomeculture. As a matter of fact,” added Julian, “I’ve discovered that building astrongfoundationathomewillfuelevengreatersuccessatwork.”

“Isitreallypossibletobesuperbinbothareasoflife?”

“Absolutely,”respondedJulianashestartedtowalktowardsthedoor.“Thetrickistoworksmarter,notharder.Youneedtobringagreatersenseoffocustoyourworkandgaingreaterclarityaboutwhichactivitiesareessentialandwhichonesarenot.Thatwill freeup time foryour familyaswellas time forall theself-careactivitiesthatwillrestoreinnerpeaceandjoyinyourdays.Butmoreaboutthatlater.I’vegotplacestogoandpeopletomeet,”saidJulianwithabiggrin.“Iwonderwhat thosemodelsIusedtodatewouldthinkof therobe?”hemused.

“You’rekidding,right?”“Of course I am,Catherine. I havebecomeamanwhowalkshis talk and

lives his message. We all need to live our message. My own life is muchdifferentfromtheoneyouonceknewmetolead.Ilivesimplyandtothepoint,concentratingonlyonlife’sessentials.Mywilddaysareover.”

“Gladtohearthat,brother.Boy,Iusedtoworryaboutyou.”“Notanymore.Thanks,littlesister.Loveya!”Andwiththat,thelegalsuperstarturnedenlightenedmonkkissedmeonthe

forehead once again and darted out of the room, his red robe swaying behindhim.All that remainedof thismostsurprisingvisitwasasingleobject thathehadleftnexttomypillow.Itwashisgoldenbutterfly.AsIturneditover,Icouldsee thatJulianhad, in tinywriting,engravedsomewordsupon it. Iputonmyreadingglassesandreadtheelegantly inscriptedmessage.“Catherine,” it said,“yourchildrenarethegreatestblessingsofyourlifeandtheywillonlybeyoungonce.Putthemfirstandyourlifewillsoar.I’msohappytobehome.Yourfan,Julian.”

TheFirstMasteryoftheFamilyLeader

LeadershipinLifeBeginswithLeadershipatHome

Twenty-fiveyearsagoIwishsomeonehadtoldmethattheenduringmeaninginmylifewouldbefoundinshapingmychildren’svalues,notinmyprofessional

success.RabbiHaroldKushner

Ifchildrengrewupaccordingtoearlyindications,weshouldhavenothingbutgeniuses.Goethe

It had been just under a month since I had returned home from the hospital.Thankfully,justasJulianhadpromised,Ihadmadeafullrecoveryandregainedall the strengthandstamina thathadbeensomuchapartofwho Iwas in thepast.Butsomanyotherthingschangedasaresultofmywake-upcallat35,000feet. I’d decided to streamlinemywork life and set up a home office in ourbasement. Instantlymy previous full-hour commutewas transformed into onelastingafullminute.AndIlovedbeingabletoconducttransatlanticconferencecallswithCEOsfrommajorfirmswhileIwasstandinginmyflannelpajamas.Thoughmyprioritieshadbeenreconfigured,Istilllovedtheadrenalinerushthatrunningabusinessgaveme,andIfeltgratefulthatJulianhadadvisedmenottogivethisaspectofmylifeup.

Ondoctor’s orders, I started a serious exercise regimen—whichmademefeelgreat—andIadoptedamuchhealthierdiet.Nomorelatenightpitstopsatthe drive-through windows or three-cheese pizzas with double pepperoni andbacon. I began spendingmost ofmy time at homewith Jon and the kids andreallydedicatedmyselftorekindlingthesparkthathadbeenlostduringallmytimeaway.Andoneof thebiggestchangesofall: Julian, the formerownerof

one of the the city’s biggest mansions, and a man known for his fierceindependence,moved inwithus, settinguphome in the small but sun-soakedroomabove thegarage. Iguesshe reallywascommitted to livinghismessageandsincehepreached thepowerofa simple life, Iwaspleased to see thathenowpracticed it. I’lladmit, though, that itwashard forme tobelieve thatmybrother,thelegendaryJulianMantle,havingreturnedfromhisextraordinarytrekthrough theHimalayaswhere hemet theworld’smost remarkable sages,wasnowlivingquietlyinthegrannyquartersaboveourgarage.Lifecanyieldsuchbizarreoutcomes.

Andyet Imust also tell you that I did not feel any sorrowor pity formybrother.OfcourseIfeltsadthatlifehaddealthimsuchhardblows.Thelossofhis daughterAllywas farmore than he deserved. It’s just that inmymind, Ididn’tfeelthathehadfallenfromgrace.Sure,henolongersportedabouttowninhisgleamingFerrari,hadsoldhisopulentmansionandwasnowliving inacrawlspaceonlyslightlybiggerthanthebathroomofhisformeroffice.Sure,hewasnolongerthetoastofthetown,spendinglatenightswithbeautifulfashionmodels barely into their twenties and hipper-than-hip investment bankerswhothoughtnothingofjettingdowntoNassauforanightatthecasino.IguessIfeltthatwhilehenolongerhadthematerialtrappingsofhisformerlife,heseemedto have found something far more important. Julian’s health was superb, thelively spirit of his boyhood had returned and he had become the keeper ofwisdom so substantial itmademe quiver.Tome, his life had gone from totalcomplexity to utter simplicity. It had shifted from an existence of constantfrustration tooneof jubilantcelebration.No, Julianhadnot fallen fromgrace.Hehaddiscoveredit.

“Let’s go down to theBraveLife.comheadquarters,” said Julian as he strolledintoour sunnykitchenoneday after completing the ritualwalkhe took everymorningasthedaybroke.“Ihaven’tbeeninanofficetowerforyears,andI’mcurioustoseehowthingshavechangedinthecorporateworld.”

ThoughInowworkedoutofourhome,allouremployeesremained in theluxuriousofficesthatmypartnersandIhadleasedwhenwestartedthecompany—before they died. We had two floors in one of the city’s most prestigiousskyscraperswithaviewthatwouldtakeyourbreathaway.WhileIwouldvisittheofficeperiodically,Isooncametodreadgoingdowntown.

“Why in theworldwould youwant to go there, Julian?Youhaven’t even

spoken to your old friends in years. I would have thought that the financialdistrict—theplaceyoupracticallylivedwhenyouwereMr.BigShotLawyer—wouldbethelastplaceyou’dwanttogo.”

“Actually,IhavespokentoacoupleofmyfriendssinceI’vereturnedfromthe Himalayas, but that’s another story,” replied Julian mysteriously. “And Ireallydoneedtogodowntown.”

“Whatdoyouneed?YouknowI’mhappytopickupanythingyouwant.”“Actually,it’snotformethatIwanttogodowntown—it’sforyou.”“Forme?Ihavenointerestinheadingdownthere.I’mhappyworkingfrom

homeandeveryone’sdoing just fineat theofficewithoutme.Andanyway,” Icontinued, “you’ll never get past security in that robe you insist on wearingeveryday.Areyousureyouwanttokeepwearingit?Everyoneonthestreetistalking about ‘the monk who moved in with the Cruz family.’ Even MissWilliamson, the oldwomanwho sits in her dark living room all daywith herfourteen cats, walked up tome as I was doing some gardening out front andaskedmewhoyouwere.I’llbetshethinksyou’recute,Julian,”Imocked.

“She’s notmy type,” Julian retorted with a laugh. “Trustme on this one,Catherine,”hecontinued.“There’salessonIwanttosharewithyoutoday,andyouroldofficeis theperfectplacetodoit.ActuallythereareFiveMasteriesIplan on sharing with you—The Five Masteries of the Family Leader, to beprecise.”

“What’samastery?”“Amastery is a skill that apersonbecomesbrilliant at throughcontinuous

focusandconstantpractice.Overthecomingweeks,Iwillsharewithyoufivetimeless—and fundamental—philosophies that will completely transform yourabilitiesasaparentandthequalityofyourfamilylife.TheFiveMasteriesoftheFamilyLeaderarebaseddirectlyontheteachingsoftheGreatSagesofSivana.I’vejustaddedsomeofmyownlearningsforgoodmeasure,”Juliansaidwithaknowingsmile.“TodayIfeelyouarereadytodiscovertheFirstMastery.”

“Whichis?”Iaskedwithbatedbreath.“ThatLeadershipinLifebeginswithLeadershipatHome.”“Fascinating.Tellmemore.”“Notuntilwegetdowntown,”Julianrespondedfirmly.“Thesettingneedsto

beperfect.”“Okay,let’sgo.IknowthattheTheFiveMasteriesaregoingtochangemy

life.Icanjustfeelit.Itrulysensethatthiswisdomyouaresharingwithmewillrevolutionizemy thoughts,mywords andmyactions,” I replied,grabbingmy

carkeys.“AndIguessit’sabouttimeIstarttakingsomerisksagain.”“That’s the spirit, little sister. Life’s all about gaining new knowledge and

takingbiggerrisks,isn’tit?Thegreatestriskinlifeliesinnottakinggreaterandgreaterrisks.”

“Wasn’titPeterDruckerwhosaid‘thereistheriskyoucannotaffordtotakeandthereistheriskyoucannotaffordnottotake’?”

“Right.Andtogobackevenfurtherintime,theRomanphilosopherSenecastatedthat‘itisnotbecausethingsaredifficultthatwedonotdare.Itisbecausewe do not dare that things are difficult.’ In my own life I try and take areasonable risk, even a small one, each and every day. Thatway, I grow andprogressdaily.”

“IsawthemovieRoundersonvideoafewweeksago.Didyouseeit?”“Haven’tseenamovieinyears,littlesister.Wemonksgenerallydon’tspend

muchtimearoundthevcr,”JuliansaidwithagrinsobigIthoughthisfacemightsplit.“Anyway,thepopcornalwaysusedtogetstucktomyteeth.Rightinhere,”headded,openinghismouthandpointingtoacrevassebetweentwooftheteethlocatedatthebackofhismouth.

“Sparemethegorydetails,Julian.Anyway,itwasaprettygoodmovie—allabouttheimportanceoftakingcalculatedrisksinlifeandpursuingyourdestiny,evenwhenit’snottheeasiestthingtodo.”

“Soundsfascinating.”“Itwas.Anyway,inthemovie,PappaWallenda…”“Thegreathigh-wirewalker?”Julianinterjectedenthusiastically.“Yes, the great tightrope walker, Julian. Anyway, Pappa Wallenda was

quoted in thismovie as saying: ‘Life is livedout on thewire.The rest is justwaiting.’”

“Oh, that’s good. Really good. And it’s completely true, Catherine. Thepeople who get on in life are those who dream big dreams and then takewhatever risks arenecessary tobring their vision to life.They face their fearsdirectly,getintothegameandlivetheirdayswithcourage.Theybreakthroughtheir feardoors,nomatterhowscared they feel.Remember, it’sbetter tobealionforadaythanasheepallyourlife.”

“Wow,that’sapowerfulexpression,Julian.”“Andso,” Juliancontinuedwithout apause, “though Iknow itwillnotbe

easyforyoutoheaddowntoBraveLife.comafterbeingawayforsolong,pleasetakethechance.Therewardsaresuretoflow.”

“Feelthefearanddoitanyway?”

“Exactly. As I told you in the hospital, on the other side of fear you willalwaysdiscoverfreedom.”

IfeltnervousasJulianandIwalkedintothegleamingofficetowerIoncespentmybestwakinghours in.Thevery smell of theplace setmyheart aflutter.Asecurity guard approached Julian and I as we made our way to the bank ofelevatorsthatwouldtakeustotheBraveLife.comcorporateofficesperchedatopthissteelandglassmonument.

“Hi,Mrs.Cruz.Nicetoseeyouagain.Iheardabouttheplanecrash.Allofushereat thesecuritystationwere reallysad tohearabout it. I’msorryaboutyourpartners.Theywerenicefellas.”

“Yes, Matt, they were good men and I miss them a lot. Thanks formentioning them. I guess it helpsme to dealwith their losswhen I hear howkind theywere to somanypeople. It’sgood to seeyou, too. Idon’tgetdownheremuch thesedays. I’mrunning thecompany frommyhomenow,so Icanspendmoretimewithmyfamily.Itsurefeelsstrangetocomeback.”

“That’squiteachange,Mrs.Cruz.I’dsaythatoutofeveryoneIknowinthistower,youworked thehardest.Meand theotherguardsused toplacebetsonhowearlyyou’dgetinhereandhowlateyou’dleave.”

“Well,thosedaysarehistory,Matt,”Irepliedself-consciously.“Yourchildrenmustbehappyaboutyourdecision.I’vegotthreeyoungones

athome,andIknowthatthebestthingIcandoforthemasaparentistospendlotsoftimewiththem.”

“You’reright,Matt.Mychildrenarethrilledtohavetheirmomback.Tobehonest,I’veneverseenthemhappier.”

Theguard’sfacethentightened.“Sorrytoaskthis,Mrs.Cruz,butdoesthegentleman with you have some ID? As you know, this is a high-securitybuilding, and I’ve got to ask that question ormy bosswill killme.”He thenglancedatJulian.“Nooffense,buddy,butwedon’tgetalotofmonksinhere.”

“Matt,thisismybrotherJulian.JulianMantle.”“JulianMantle?Thefamoustriallawyer?”“Yup,thefamoustriallawyer.”Thesecurityguardwasspeechless.“Uh…Hello,Mr.Mantle.Iusedtoread

aboutyouallthetimeinthepapers.Iwasareallybigfanofyours,”headded,shakingJulian’shandwithbothofhisown,thewaypeopledowhentheywishtocurryfavor.“Someofthosecasesyouwonwereunbelievable,man.Rememberthatcasewhereyousued that fast foodrestaurant formillionsofdollarswhen

hotcoffeespilledintoyourclient’slap?”“Idoremember thatone,Matt.Thatwasafuncase towin,”repliedJulian

graciously.“Whathappenedtoallthosefancysuitsyouusedtowear,Mr.Mantle?And

thatslickredFerrari?Man,thatwasonesweetcar.Meandtheboysusedtoseeyouflybyherewith the topdownall the time.Thosewomenyouhadnext toyou made us drool,” the security guard noted with all the exuberance of aschoolboysettogooutonhisfirstdate.

“Ancienthistory,myfriend,ancienthistory,”repliedJulian,lookingawayasifhewasembarrassedbyhowostentatioushispreviouslifestylehadbeen.

“Areyouamonknow?”persistedthesecurityguard.“These robes are the clothes I’ve chosen towear,Matt.My teacherswore

theseclothes.TheyremindmeofthemanthatInowamandthemissionthatIamdedicated topursuing. I’ve chosen to live a far simpler lifenow.NomoreFerraris,” said Julian as he patted the security guard on the back andwalkedtowardstheelevators.

“Well, goonup,Mr.Mantle. It’s anhonor tomeetyou, sir.Andyou takecare,Mrs.Cruz.Havefunwiththosekids.They’llbeallgrownupbeforeyouknowit.”

AsJulianandIenteredtheopulentofficesthatwerehometoBraveLife.com,Iwas struckby the sheerbusynessof the scene in frontofme. It seemed thatpeoplewerejustbusybeingbusy.Employeeswererushingfromplacetoplace,computerswerehumming,thephoneswereringingandfaxeswereflying.

“Hardtobelievethisusedtobemylife,”ImentionedtoJuliansoftly.“Don’tbetoohardonyourself,Catherine.Youhadamortgagetocoverand

billstopay.Believeme,Ihavegreatempathyforpeopleofthisagewelivein.Expenses are high and their financial obligations seem endless. Theywant toprovideallthegoodthingsinlifefortheirfamilies,andsotheyfeelcompelledtoworklongerandharder.Andthiseventuallysucksthelifeoutofthem.Theybecomeshellsoftheirformerselves.Bytheendoftheday,theydrivehomeintheirgriefcontainers,crawlintotheirhomes,gruntattheirfamiliesanddriftofftosleepintheirLaz-E-Boys.Ifeelsosadforsuchpeople.”

“What’sagriefcontainer?”“Oh,” Julian replied, starting to giggle, “that’s my term for a car. Most

people are so unhappy by the time they’ve finished amiserable day at work,their cars become nothing more than ‘grief containers’ that transport themhome.”

Ilaughed.Juliancontinued,enjoyinghowIwasconcentratingintentlyonhiseveryword.

“Such people are living half-lives, Catherine. ‘One of the saddestexperienceswhich can come to a human being is to awaken, gray-haired andwrinkled,nearthecloseofanunproductivelife, tothefactthatall throughtheyearshehasbeenusingonlyasmallpartofhimself,’V.W.Burrowsnoted.Andthat’sthepointofwisdomhere.Thenameofthegameisnottosacrificeyourselfforworkandhavenothingleftforthepeopleyoutrulylove.Changetherules,no,breakalltherulesandrealizethatthewholeideaistoworkforthesakeoflivingrather thanlivingfor thesakeofwork.Besuperbatwork.Haveagreattimeatitanddedicateyourselftohelpingyourclients.Buthavethewisdomtorealizethatthereismoretolifethanthenicethingsmoneycanbuy.Howabouthavingnicekidsandanicefamilyandalovinghomelife?Thosethingscanonlycomewhenyoudevoteyourself toenrichingyourhomeculture.And that,mylittlesister,takestime.Neverforgetthatthebestgiftyoucanevergiveyourkidsisthegiftofyourtime.”

“Really?”“Absolutely.Itshowsthemthatyoutrulyloveandvaluethem.Nothingelse

isaspreciousorasimportant.WhichbringsmetowhyI’vebroughtyoudownhere.”

“Iwaswonderingaboutthat.”“WhatisBraveLife.com?”“It’s a company that trains the employeesofour clientorganizations tobe

moreproductive,effectiveandfarmoresuccessfulinthewaytheywork.WearetheInternet’spremiere-learningfirm.”

“Anythingelse?”“Ouruniquetechnologyallowsemployeestoreceivecoachingfromthebest

expertsontheplanetconvenientlyattheirveryowndesktops.”“Isthatyourfinalanswer?”Julianasked,grinninglikeagameshowhost.“Yes.”“Allof thoseanswersarecorrect.But theoneIwasreally lookingforwas

thisone:attheendoftheday,yourcompanyisacommunity.”“Really?”“Sure it is. Ultimately, the company that you have so tirelessly dedicated

yourselftobuildingisnothingmorethananassemblyofhumanbeingsunitedtopursueacommoncause.BraveLife.com isnot really a corporate entity. It is acollectionofpeopleworkingtowardsthesameaim.”

“Makingmoney?”Iasked,surprisedbymyowncynicism.“No, not at all. They all crave meaning. They all crave a feeling of

fulfillment.And they all ache,whether they realize it or not, forwhat I call aCompellingCausethatwillfloodtheirheartswithpassionandengagethebestthattheyhavewithinthem.DeeHock,thefounderofVISA,putitthisway:“Allorganizationsaremerelyconceptualembodimentsofaveryold,verybasicidea—the idea of community. They can be no more or less than the sum of thebeliefs of the people drawn to them; of their character, judgments, acts andefforts.”

“Interesting.Ineverthoughtofthecompanyinthatway.”“It’strue.Andwhat’sreallylackinginthisso-calledNewEconomyofours

where we can work, bank and even buy groceries online is a deep sense ofcommunity.Wehavelosttheessentialhumanconnectionsthatarenecessaryforus to work and live in a state of joy and delight.We have lost that sense ofbelonging to something larger and more important than ourselves. In theborderlessworldthathasbeencreatedbytheInternet,whateachandeveryoneofusdesiresisaspaceandaplacewherewefeelloved,trustedandsignificant.Aplacethatwecancall‘home.’”

“How do you know so much about the Internet, Julian? You’ve beensecludedintheHimalayasforwhatseemslikeaneternity.”

“I’m a passionate learner and an obsessive student,Catherine. In this newworldwelivein,learningnolongerendsafterwe’vetakenourlastexam.Itnowendsonlyafterwehavetakenour lastbreath.ManyyearsagoErasmuswrote:‘When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food andclothes.’”

“Wow.”“I’mthesameway,littlesister.Ihungerforknowledge—sometimesIache

forit.WhilemostofwhatIreadandcontemplateisfromthewisdomliterature—thebooksof theworld’sgreatest thinkers—Idospendtimekeepingupwithwhat’sgoingoninourworld.Whatgoodiswisdomifyouhavenoconceptofhowtoapplyitinyourcurrentcircumstances?”

“Goodpoint,”Iagreedwithouthesitation.“Andsotellme,bigbrother,whatcanwedotorestorethatsenseofcommunityinourlives?”

“Greatquestion,Catherine.It’sactuallythequestionIwashopingyou’dask.Withallthechangesinsocietyandwithincorporations,thesenseofcommunitythatpeopleoncefelthasvanished.Loyaltyinbusinessisathingofthepast,andrestructuringwithin business has ledmanyworkers to believe that it’s now a

gamewhereeverypersonmustfendforthemselvesiftheyhopetosurvive.”“So where are people going to get that sense of community that we all

crave?”“The family,” came Julian’s speedy reply. “People are retreating into their

family livesandmaking them theirhighestpriorityagain.Peopleare realizingthat they can get all of the social fulfillment theymay have once gotten fromworkwithin their very own homes. They are realizing that you don’t have toleaveyour frontdoorstep toget thebenefitsofbeingapartofacommunity—youcangetitwithinthefourwallsoftheveryplaceyoulive.”

“Andfromthepeoplethatloveyouthemost,”Iadded,completelyabsorbedbywhatJulianwastellingme.

“Right, Catherine. So begin to see your family as your own personalcommunity and the placewheremost of your personal satisfactionwill comefrom.Understandthatthroughyourfamily,youcangainaricherunderstandingofyourselfanddevelopgreater insight,knowledgeandwisdom.Throughyourfamily,youcan increaseyourhumanityandactualizeyour inner strength.ThepointofwisdomI’mtryingtoshareissimplythis:leadershipinyourlifebeginswith leadership in your home. Your family is your foundation, just like thelaunchingpadofarocket.Onceitissecureandinperfectorder,youcansoartoheightspreviouslyunimagined.”

“Okay,where’sthestartingpoint?”“It lies in realizing that your family is not all that different from other

organizations,BraveLife.comincluded.”“Really?”“Really. The parallels are clear.Your company and your family both have

uniquecultures,don’tthey?”“WellBraveLife.comdefinitelyhas itsownculture.Therearecertainways

wedressandcertainruleswefollowandspecificwayswedealwitheachotherthatmakeusuniqueincomparisonwithothercompaniesinourfield.”

“Andisyourfamilyanydifferent?”“No,cometothinkofit,it’snot.Athome,Iguesswedohaveaculture.We

havecertainrules,valuesandwaysofdoingthings.”“Yes. And like other cultures and organizations, if you want to grow and

advance,there’sonethingthatmustbepresent.”“Adictator?”Irepliedwithalaugh.“Close,butnocigar, littlesister.ButIappreciatethehumor.Theonething

thatneeds tobepresent forany familyculture togrow into somethingvibrant

andsplendidisleadership.”“Leadership?I’veneverthoughtthatleadershipwasimportantinafamilyor

withinthehome.”“HowdidBraveLife.combecomesuchanenormoussuccess?”Julianasked.

“Imean,Isawyourfaceonthecoverofonehigh-techmagazineinNewDelhi!”“Iguessitwasprimarilybecauseofgoodmanagement.”“No,itwasbecauseofgreatleadership,Catherine.AndbythatIdon’tjust

mean you and your partners and the rest of the executive team. I mean thateveryoneinthecompanytookasenseofresponsibilityforandownershipofthecompany’ssuccess.Everyoneshowedcommitmentandfidelitytothevisionyoupaintedforthem.Andsoyourcompanyroaredtofortune.Thesameappliesinyourhome.Youmustbringleadershipintoyourfamilyandinspireeveryonetomakeacontributiontotheculture.YoumustcreateagorgeousfuturevisionofthewayyoudesirethingstobeforyourfamilyandsharethatCompellingCausewithJonandthekids.Thismustbedoneinawaythatexcitesthemandengagestheirhearts.Onlythenwillyourfamilylifereachitshighestpotential.”

“Thissoundsreallyfarout,Julian,evenforyou.Imean,Jonisbusywithhisbusinessandthekidshavesomethingonthegoconstantly.HowcanIgetthemtobuyintoavisionoftheidealfamilythatIwishwecouldbe?Andtellme,bigbrother,howcanIgetthemalltostartactingasleadersathome?”

“Easy,” came thequick reply.“Youmust show leadership first.AsGandhisaid,youmustbecome thechangeyoumostwish to see inyour life.Leadbyexample,andIpromiseyou,Jonandthekidswillfollow.”

“Really?”“Yes.Weliveinaworldwhereeveryonewantseveryoneelsetochangefirst.

Weblamethegovernmentforourproblems.Weblameourbossesforourstress.Weblamethetrafficforourmisery.Butblamingothersismerelyaconvenientwayofexcusingyourself.Placingtheblameforallthat’swronginyourlifeonthe shoulders of other people is a niceway to coast through lifewithout everhaving to show courage and face your weaknesses head on. It’s actually acowardlywaytoliveandagoodwaytobecomeamoreimpotenthumanbeing.M. Scott Peck, who wrote The Road Less Traveled, put it in these terms:‘Wheneverweseek toavoid responsibility forourownbehavior,wedosobyattemptingtogivethatresponsibilitytosomeotherindividualororganizationorentity.Butthatmeansthatwethengiveawayourpowertothatentity.’”

Julian’s voice was growing louder, and I could see the intensity of hisconvictionsbubbling to thesurface.Wewalked intooneof theboardroomsas

Juliancontinuedhisspiritedlesson.“Here’stherealmessage,Catherine.Whenyou shift the blame and responsibility for something to other people, you areessentiallysayingthatyouhavenoabilitytocontroltheproblem.Youarealsosaying that you have no choice in thematter and no capacity to influence theoutcome.Soinblamingotherpeople,youendupgivingawayyourownpower,justlikePecksays.Youaresaying‘Ican’tchangethingsforthebetter,onlytheycan.’Youareineffectsaying‘Icannotaffectthecircumstancesofmylife,onlyotherscan.’Andthatkindoftoxicthinkingcansendyouintoadownwardspiralthatwilleventuallyleadyoutoaplacecallednowhere.”

“I’veneverlookedatitthatway.IrecentlyreadthatWinstonChurchillusedtosaythat‘thepriceofgreatnessisresponsibility.’NowIknowexactlywhathemeant.”

“Look,littlesister,whatmakesushuman,attheendoftheday,isthepowereachandeveryoneofushastochooseourresponsetoaspecificsituation.Onepersonlosestheirbusinessbutseesitasagreatlifelessonthatwillmakethemwiserandbetterequippedtobuildanevenbiggerbusiness.Another,lesshighlyevolvedpersonfeels“roadrage”overabigtrafficjam.Nomatterwhoyouareandnomatterwhatyourbackgroundis,youstillhavethepowertochoosehowyouwillprocesstheeventsofyourlife.Thatcapacitytochoosethewaywewillinterpretwhathappenstousisourhighesthumanendowment.Sodon’texpectotherstochangeinorderforyourcircumstancestogetbetter.Yougoaheadandtakethenoblepath.Youmakethechangesthatneedtobemade.Icanpromiseyouthattherestofyourfamilywilleventuallyfollow.”

“Okay,”Isaid,tryingtodigestalltheknowledgeJulianwasdeliveringtomeasI leanedbackinmyplushleatherchair.“Soformetodevelopthissenseofcommunityathome,Ineedtobealeaderathome?”

“Exactly,” replied Julian, looking as out of place in this ultramodernboardroomasatulipinapatchofmushroomsasheadjustedthesleevesofhisbeautifulmonk’srobe.

“BeforeIcanexpectotherstochange,Imustchange.Ratherthanyellingatthekidstobemorepolite,perhapsIshouldbemorepolitetothem.Ratherthantellingthemtocleanuptheirroomssotheylooktidier,maybeIshouldorganizemyhomeoffice.AndinsteadofnaggingatJontostartdoingthingstomakeourhome life more fun and passionate, I guess I should be the one taking theinitiative. I should be the one to act as a ‘catalyst for change in our familyculture’asyouputit.”

“Yup,” came Julian’s monosyllabic reply. “The best way to inspire your

children to develop into the kind of adults you dream of them becoming is tobecome the kind of adult youwant them to be.All children, especially youngones likePorterandSarita,believe that thewaytheirparentsact is thecorrectway to act. You teach them how to act by theway you act. Your values andbeliefs become their values and beliefs.Your negative patternswill inevitablybecome their negative patterns. You need to remember that your children arealwayswatchingyoureverymove.Andifyouthinkthatthoselittleeyesonyouarenotbeinginfluencedinaveryprofoundwaybyyoureverywordandaction,you are just kidding yourself. Remember, Catherine, after quality time, thesecondbestgiftyoucangivetoyourkidsisthegiftofagoodexample.”

“That’sawonderfulinsight,Julian.”“Youknow,IjustreadareporttheotherdaythatIfounddeeplytroubling.”“Whatdiditsay?”“That theaverageNorthAmericanchildspendsapproximatelyfivehoursa

daywatchingtelevisionandjustfiveminutesofqualitytimewiththeirparents.Toomanyparentsaregiving the responsibilityof raising theirownchildren totheprogrammingdirectorsofthenationalnetworks.Andtome,thatisacrime.”

“What,then,canIdotoshowfamilyleadership,toreallybealeaderinmyhomeandbuildthatsenseofcommunitythatyousayweareallcravinginthisstrangenewworld?”

“Thefirstthingyoucandoistoopenyoureyes.”“Whatdoyoumean?”“HelenKellerput itsowellwhenshesaid‘themostpatheticpersoninthe

worldissomeonewhohassightbutnovision.’Toomanyparentsarelivingday-to-daywithnosenseofdirectionintheirlives.Ratherthanlivingtheirlivesbychoice,theylivetheirlivesbychance,hopingthateverythingwillworkoutfine.Butlifeisn’tlikethat.Livingyourlifebyaccident,prayingthingswillfallintoplace and your children will turn out great by default, is about as smart asplayingRussianroulettewithyourlife.”

“That’sascarythought,”Iobserved,stillrivetedtoJulian’sdissertation.“And I’ll tell you,Catherine, if you keep doing the same things each day,

youaredestinedtogetthesameresultseachday.”“Someonesaidthedefinitionofinsanityisdoingthesamethingseveryday

andexpectingadifferentresult.”“Right. So get in the game and start steering the boat of your family life.

Nietzschemadethepointwell:‘Man’staskissimple.Heshouldceaselettinghisexistencebeathoughtlessaccident.’”

“I’llexcusethegenderbias,”Inoted.“Iwill too,becausehis lesson issuchagoodone. Ifyouwant toseewhat

your lifewill look like fiveyears fromnow, justmakecertain thatyoudonotchangeanyofyourhabits,yourpatternsofthoughtoryourcorebeliefs.Youwilldiscover that fiveyears fromnow,youwillhavea life that isprettymuch thesameastheoneyouhavetoday.”

“Don’tlikethesoundofthat,”Irepliedwithcompletehonesty.“Ihavemuchgranderdreamsforourfamily’sfuture.Iwanttohavemorefunwithmykids.Iwant them togrow stronger,wiser andmore independent. Iwant Jon and I tobecome closer and more loving. And I dream of our home becoming a veryspecialplaceofwarmth,growthandjoythatoffersusallasanctuaryfromtheharshnessoftheworldwenowlivein.”

“Wellthen,Catherine,pleaseunderstandthatforyourfamilylifetoimprove,thewayyouviewtheworldmust first improve.Youmustcreateacompellingvision on the picture screen of your imagination about what you want yourfamilyculturetolooklike.Youmustthenclarifythatidealinyourmindsoitisvividandstrikinglyprecise.Finally,youmustcommitittopaper.”

“Why?”“Becausewhenyoucommitthevisionyouhaveforyourfamily’sfutureto

paper,itbecomesanagreement.”“Really?”Iwondered.“Definitely,” respondedmybrother.“Itbecomes likeapledgeorabinding

contractthatyouhavemadewithyourself.Yourbeliefsinlifearereallynothingmorethanagreementsyouhavemadewithyourselfaboutthestateofaffairsyoufind yourself in. Some people believe they are too busy to hug their childrenmany times a day to show them their love. In doing so, they have made anagreementwiththemselvesinanefforttojustifythat‘fact.’Somepeoplebelievethattheycanneverlivegreatlivesbecausetheirpastshavebeentoodifficult.Indoing so, they have made an agreement with themselves and resignedthemselves to live by that ‘fact’. The agreements youmakewith yourself areextremelypowerful,Catherine.”

“I’veneverthoughtaboutourbeliefsinthisway,Julian.”“Sohere’swhatIwantyoutodo.Youknowwhatyouwantforyourfamily

lifeandnowyouhavecommittedyourselftodoingwhatittakestogetthere.”“Correct.”“NowcreateaFamilyVisionAgreement thatwill then serveasyourdaily

guidesothatyoucanmakewiserchoicesabouthowyouwillspendyourdays

andinvestyourtime.ItwillserveasacommitmentstatementthatwillkeepyoufocusedonTheThingsThatTrulyCount.”

“So by developing this Family Vision Agreement and translating it intowriting I will stop living by chance and start living by choice?” I asked,genuinelyfascinatedbythestrategyJulianwasrevealingtome.

“Yes. You will finally be in control of your destiny. Your Family VisionAgreementwill serve as your lighthouse, always guiding you ‘home’—to thatplaceofloveandpeace—nomatterhowroughtheseasbecome.Itwillgiveyouhopeandanoverwhelming senseofpromise forbetter things to come.And itwillprotectyouandyourfamily.”

“Protectus?”“Yes.Knowingexactlywhatyouwantforthefutureofyourfamilyprotects

you fromall thosenegative influences that try andcreep intoour lives.Whenyourthoughtsarecrystalclearandyouarecompletelycommittedtoyourvisionofyourfamily’sfuture,thentheopinionsofothersmeannothing.Thehypnoticpulloftheadsontelevisiondictatingwhattheidealfamilyshouldlooklikehasnoholdoveryou.Theneedtokeepupwiththeneighborsandyourcolleaguesfallstothewayside.Youandyourfamilybecomeindependent.And,insodoing,youareelevatedtoamuchwiser,moreenlightenedwayofleadingyourfamilylife.”

“I’dloveforthekidstobeindependent,Julian.I’velearnedthatindependentthinking isakey factor inbusinesssuccess.ColinBaden, theVPofDesignatOakleySunglasses,wasrecentlyquotedinFastCompanymagazine—”

“Oooh,Ilovethatpublication,”Julianinterjected.“YoureadFastCompany?”Irepliedinsurprise.“ToldyouI’mhungryforknowledge.It’sagreatread.”“Well anyway,” Iwent on, “this senior executivewas quoted as saying ‘If

you’redoingsomethingacertainwaybecause it’salwaysbeendone thatway,thenyou’reprobablydoingit thewrongway.’I lovedthatbecauseitstrikesatthe heart of why we need to be independent thinkers if we hope to excel inbusinessthesedays.”

“And in life thesedays.Sohave the courage to createyourFamilyVisionAgreement so you can begin doing things your way, according to what yourheart…”

“AndJon’sheart,”Iinterruptedquickly.“AndJon’sheart,”Juliancorrected,“tellsyouismorallycorrect.Andputting

that vision ofwhat youwant your family life to look like in the future into a

concrete formisalsooneof thebestways Iknowof to increaseyour levelofcommitmenttoyourfamily.”

“Why?”“BecauseIhavediscoveredinmyownlifethatthethingsthatgetcommitted

topaperarethethingsthatarecommittedtoinlife.”“I agree,” I replied excitedly. “One of the secrets to the success I’ve

experienced in my professional life was insisting on great clarity about whatresultsIwanted.Iusedtowritedownmycareergoalsforeveryninetydaysandreadthemalmostdailytomaintainmyfocusandtohelpmeseizeopportunitiesthatmightpassthroughmydaysundetected.”

“Nicelysaid,Catherine.Dothesameinyourfamilylife.IsuggestyoutaketheFamilyVisionAgreement,studyitclosely,prioritizewhatismostimportantandthencreategoals—withdeadlinesaroundeachpriority.”

“That’s the kind of strategic thinking that made us so successful inBraveLife.com.”

“And it’s thekindof strategic thinking thatwillnowmakeyouevenmoresuccessfulinyourhomelife.Icannotunderstandwhypeoplemeticulouslyplantheirprofessional livesbutgivenoattentionat all to theway theywill live athome.”

Julian paused and grewmore reflective as his fingers playedwith a brasscoasteron the table.He lookeddownfora fewsecondsand thenspokeagain.“Greatleadersaremorethoughtfulthanothers,Catherine.Theytakethetimetogointoseclusioneveryonceinawhiletodonothingbutthink.Einsteinusedtodothat,youknow?”

“Iwasn’tawareofthat,”Iconfessed.“Yes, I read he had a special ‘thinking chair’ that hewould retreat to in a

silentplace.Andonceinit,hewoulddonothingbutthink.”“Ourbestsalespersondoes thesamething,”Isaid.“Heblocksoffoneday

everyotherweekto‘getlost’ashecallsit.Heleaveshispagerandhiscellphonein theofficeandgoesoff toaplacewherenoonecanreachhim.Allhe takeswithhimisalegalsizednotepadandapencil.Andallhedoesforthatwholedayisthink.”

“I’m impressed,” replied Julian, nodding his head with a gentle smile. “IthinkI’dliketheguy.”

“Weallthoughthewascrazy.Untilwesawtheresults.Hissaleswerefivetimeshigherthanhisnearestcompetitor.Fivetimeshigher!SoonedayIsathimdowntofigureouthisprocess.Hetoldmethatduringthat‘StrategyDay,’ashe

calledit,he’dthinkabouthisfutureandwhathedreameditwouldlooklike.Hewrotethingsdownsotheybecameclearerandclearerinhismind.”

“See,clarityprecedesmastery,”Julianinterjectedgleefully.“Well,itsuredidinhiscase,”Icontinued.“Hetoldmethatthemoretimehe

spentinsolitude,justthinkingaboutanddefiningwhathewantedoutoflife,themore ideas his imagination would deliver to him. And as these brainstormscame,hejustkeptwritingthemalldownwithhispencil.Theentirescopeofhisconsciousness became concentrated around his highest priorities. He dreamt,thought and spoke of little else. He then built specific goals around theseobjectivesandaddeddeadlinesfortheaccomplishmentofeachone.Hetoldmethatthesespecialdaysfilledhimwithsomuchhopeandenergyhecouldbarelycontainhimself.Andwiththisrenewedfocus,hewouldcomebacktotheofficeanddazzleusallonceagain.”

Julianthendidsomethingthatleftmespeechless.Hequicklyrosetohisfeetandthenjumpedupontothegleamingmeetingtable.Thenhestartedtodance,mildlyatfirstandthenwildly,asifhehadenteredsomesortofatrance.

“Julian!Whatareyoudoing?Haveyoulostyourmind!Pleasestopthatrightnow. I’m getting scared. Please stop that,” I pleaded, alarmed at what I wasseeing.

“Not to worry, little sista,” replied Julian, mocking the style of thosemillionairerapstarswhodominatetherecordcharts.“Justhavin’somefun.”

“C’monJulian.Thesearethecorporateofficesofamulti-billiondollarfirm.Youneedtoexercisesomerestraintinhere.”

“‘Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in whichdiscipline andorder are relievedwith someplay andpure foolishness,’” camehiscrypticreply.

“What?”“ThosearethewordsofMaySarton.AndIlivebythem.Ilivemylifewith

greatdisciplineandvirtue,butIensurethatImaketimeforfunwhileI’matit.Soc’monupherewithmeandjoinmeinmylittledance.There’sapointI’mtryingtomake.”

IreflectedonJulian’sunusualrequest.I’llagreethatmybrother’sbehaviorwaseccentric.But therewasnolongeranydoubt inmymindthat thewisdomJulianhadconnectedwithinthosemountainshadgivenhiminsightsthathadthepower to transformmy life, if Ionlyhad thecourage toembrace them. JulianhaddevelopedanuncannyabilitytoteachmepreciselythelessonsIneededtolearntomoveforward,andIrealizedthatifIrefusedtolistentohim,Iwouldbe

theonetosuffer,nothim.“Okay.Youwin,”Isaid,reluctantlyclimbingupontothemeetingtablewith

him,myshoesstillon.“Nowdance!”laughedJulian.“Letthelittlechildinyouseethelightofday.

He’sbeenbeggingtocomeoutandplay.It’llbegoodforyoursoul.”Imovedmyfeetalittlebutfelttooself-conscioustodomuchmore.“Dance,orI’llstartsinging,Catherine,”Julianthreatenedwithasmile that

madehiseyestwinkle.“Oh,allright,”Ireplied,asIstartedtowavemyhandsintheair,mimicking

John Travolta in SaturdayNight Fever and starting to feel pretty good in theprocess.“Hey,thisiskindoffun,Julian,”Iadded,shakingmybodyfromsidetoside.

“Iknow it is.Neverbe toobusy todance, little sista!”heyelled,pumpingbothhisbronzedfistsintheairandwhirlingaroundinaremarkabledisplayofathleticprowess.

Justthenmyseniorvice-presidentwalkedpasttheboardoom.Afewsecondslaterhereturned,hiseyesbulgingandhisfaceconveyingtotalsurprise.Hejuststared at the two of us up on the boardroom table. I immediately came to astandstill. Julian continuedhiswilddancewithdelight. I thinkhe enjoyed thefact that we had been caught. My colleague remained frozen in his tracks,observingthisoddscenethroughtheglasswallthatseparatedus.Thenhestartedtolaugh.Hepoppedhisheadintotheboardroom.

“Nicetoseeyou’vefullyrecovered,Catherine.Whenyouhavetime,you’llhavetosharethatnewmanagementpracticeyou’vediscoveredwiththerestoftheexecutiveteam,”hejoked.

“Iwill,Les,IpromiseIwill,”Iresponded,gratefulforhisindulgenceofmypeculiarbehavior.

AftertheVPleft,IlookedatJulian.“Julian, what’s the point here? I’ll be the laughing stock of this whole

companyifIkeepdoingthiskindofthing.”“Okay, Catherine. I was just having some fun with you. But back to my

teaching. Here’s the point. Standing on this table allows you to gain a newperspective. It allows you to see things from a higher place. Remember theastronautsandtheirlunarlanding?”

“Ofcourse.”“Well,whentheycameback,theymentionedrepeatedlyhowbeingupthere

andlookingdownontheearthgavethemacompletelynewperspectiveonour

world. Even more importantly, they said this higher view of our planet gavethemawiserunderstandingoflifeonit.”

“Sostandinguponthistableallowsmetoseetheworldinabetterway?”Iasked,alittleconfusedatthemetaphorJulianwasoffering.

“ItgetsbacktotheFamilyVisionAgreementI’vebeentalkingabout.Inthesamewaythatgettinguponthismeetingtableallowsyoutotakeabroaderviewofyouroffices,creatingyourFamilyVisionAgreementwillallowyoutokeepabroaderperspectiveonyourlife.Youwillalwaysbeabletokeepthebigpictureinmindratherthangettingsuckeddownintothemundanedistractionsthatkeepusfromexperiencingthehappinessandpleasureofthisgiftwecalllife.Youwillalwayshaveanaerialviewofthetinycommunityyouloveasyourfamily.Youwillnolongerspendyourdaysmajoringinminorthings.InsteadyouwillbeinapositiontoconcentrateyourtimeontheVitalFew.”

“TheVitalFew?”Iasked,nothavingcomeacrossthistermbefore.“Yes,TheVitalFew.Beingagreatleader,inyourcompanyandevenmore

importantlyinyourhome,meansyouneedtofocusonTheVitalFewratherthanontheMundaneMany.Mostpeoplespendthebestyearsoftheirlivesconsumedbyactivities thatdonotadvance them in thedirectionof their ideal life.Theywatch toomuch television, think constantly aboutwhat’swrong in their livesrather than what’s right, gossip on the telephone and criticize their kids. TheFamilyVisionAgreementwillhelpyoustaycenteredonthosefewmeaningfulactivitiesthatyieldthegreatestpositiveresultsinyourlifeandensurethatyouendupexactlywhereyoudreamofending.”

Julian got down from the table and leaned against the wall, pausing fordramaticeffect.

“WritingdownyourFamilyVisionAgreementandspecificgoals toenrichyourhomeculturewilldo just that:youwillbeable todetectopportunities tobuildagreaterfamilythatyouwouldhaveotherwisemissedbecauseyouwerenot looking for them.See,whatyou focuson inyour lifegrowsandwhatyouthink about expands. And the things you invest your attention in grow inimportance.”

“Iagreethatwhatyoufocusongrows.IfindthatwhenIgetanewclient,thenext day I’ll be driving around the city and I see signs of that new clienteverywhere.ImightseeoneoftheirtruckswiththeirlogoonitdrivepastmeonthefreewayorI’llnotice theiradvertisement in thepaperorI’llsee theirheadofficeasImakemywayhome.Allthesethingsweretherebefore,Ijustfailedtodetect themuntil they came into the scope ofmy focus.And then I see them

everywhere.”“It’sapowerfulobservationandsomethingthatIthinkweallexperienceon

a regular basis. Once you start paying attention to something, it expands intoyourconsciousnessandfloodsintoyourawareness.That’swhyIalwayssaythatawarenessprecedeschange.Beforeyoucanchangesomethinginyourlife,youmust firstbecomeawareof itandbegin to reallypayattention to it.Youmustbuildsomeawarenessaroundit.Youwillneverbeabletoeliminateaweaknessyoudon’tevenknowabout.”

“Just so I understand, you are saying that setting my Family VisionAgreementontopapersoitbecomesatrueagreement,andthenbreakingitdowninto specific goals,will causeme to paymore attention to these things inmylife.”

“Yes.”“And are you also saying that this act will allow me to see all those

opportunitiestobuildabetterhomelifethatmostofusbusyparentsneverevennoticebecauseourenergyistakenupbyallthelittleemergenciesthatseemtooccupyeverywakingminute?”

“Exactly.ItremindsmeofthatHollywoodscreenwriterIusedtohavedrinkswith.”

“I remember him well. He used to wear cowboy boots and never wentanywherewithoutabottleofEvianwaterinhishand.”

“That’shim.HeoncetoldmethatthesecretofhissuccessinHollywoodwasthathe alwayswrote the endings first.He created the perfect ending and thenworkedhiswaybackwards.”

“Brilliant.”“Iagree.And that’swhat I’msuggestingyoudo inyour family life.Close

your eyes and picture the happiest ending you could possibly imagine. Thenwork your way backwards until today. See, the Family Vision Agreement isreally the story of your life—as it relates to your family. In defining it andcommittingittowrittenform,youwillbeabletomakesmartchoicesabouthowyouspendeveryminuteofanyday.Ifanactivityorbehaviordoesnotsomehowadvanceyoualongthescriptyouhaveenvisioned—towardsthathappyending—yousimplydon’tdoit.”

“Got it,”Ireplied,finallygraspingtheimportanceof theconcept.“DidtheSagesofSivanateachyouallthisknowledge?”

“They taughtme theorganizingprinciples for agreat life.They taughtmethatlovingrelationshipsformthefoundationofalifegreatlylived.Theytaught

methatourthoughtsformourworldandthattoimproveourliveswemustfirstimproveourthinking.Andtheytaughtmesomuchmore.FormanymonthsafterI left their tiny Himalayan village, I thought about all the lessons these veryspecial human beings shared with me. I built upon their teachings and thenforgedmyown insightsonwhat it takes to liveourbest lives. Icameupwithideas that even I am surprised I arrived at. And those insights are what I’msharingwithyou,mydearsister.”

“Sista,forshort,”Isaidwithawink.Juliangiggled.“But Julian,what elsecan Ido to show real leadershipathomeand foster

thatsenseofcommunitywiththefamily?”“Makeyourhomeahaven,”camethesimplereply.“Canyouelaborateonthatalittleforme,bigbrother?”“In Sivana, high up in those Himalayan mountains, the sages always

treasured theirhomes.Even though they lived in themostpeacefulandsereneplace I’ve ever seen, those little huts that they lived in were their realsanctuaries.Theymadesurethattheirsimplelittlehomeswerealwayscleanandfull of sunlight. Theywere always careful to ensure that fresh air filled theirlivingspacesandflowerswereeverywhere.Andtheytookpainstomakecertainthatwhile theyoften invitedoneanotherover todiscussphilosophyandsharewisdom, their homes offered plenty of time for silent reflection, introspectionand self-examination.What I’msaying is that in thisnoisy,bustlingworldwefindourselvesin,youcanshowsomerealfamilyleadershipbymakingsurethatyourhomebecomesahavenforyou,Jonandthekids.”

“Andforyoutoo,Julian.Welovehavingyoulivewithus.Eventhoughyouappearsoyouthful,PorterandSaritasenseyourwisdomandyourage.Theyareabsolutely thrilled to have you in our home and have come to see you as thegrandfathertheyneverhad.”

“Gee,thanks,”repliedJulian.“It’s funny—you have such a calming influence on them. Jon and I are

always telling them to hurry up and you are always reminding them to slowdown.”

“Grandparents are like that, aren’t they. Throughout our civilization, allfamilies have revered their elders and sat at their feet to learn life’s mostimportantlessons.IntheHimalayas,extendedfamilieswerethenorm.Thesageswouldn’t think of living in a place without their mothers and fathers beingaround.Theirelderswereaconstantsourceofcomfort,knowledgeandlove.”

“AndI’llbettheyoungmonksbenefittedthemost.”

“Yes,theydid.AndevenhereintheWest,askschoolteachersiftheycantellwhich of their young students have had the influence of grandparents in theirlives,and theywillalways reply in theaffirmative.Theyare thekidswhoarecalmer,quieterandmoretrustingofotherhumanbeings.Theyarethekidswhoaremoreindependent,thoughtfulandcompassionate.Lookatourownfamily’sexperience, Catherine,withGrandpa andGrandmaMantle. They always gavemethatfeelingthatlifewouldturnoutrightintheend.”

“Theydid,Julian.Ireallymissthem.”“Me too. I’m delighted that the kids love havingme around. I love them

deeply. I feel such joywhenPorter sits onmyknee andSarita cuddles inmyarmsandtheyaskmetotellthemstoriesaboutmyadventuresinIndia.AndI’mfinding that they teachme as much as I teach them. The sages believed thatchildrencometousmorehighlyevolvedthanadultstoteachusthelessonsweneed to learn. Porter and Sarita certainly do that. They remind me of theimportance of staying playful, of being curious and of being consistentlycompassionate every day. Makes me think of the words of the ancientphilosopher Heraclitus who observed ‘Man is most nearly himself when heachievestheseriousnessofachildatplay.’”

“Not thatyouneedyourspirits lifted, Julian.Youarealwayssopositive. Ithinkyouarereallycomfortableinyournewskin.AndIcouldn’tbehappierforyou.”

“Thanks.HelenKeller,awomanIgreatlyadmire,oncesaid:‘Nopessimisteverdiscoveredthesecretsofthestars,orsailedtoanunchartedland,oropenedanewheaventothehumanspirit.’”

“Lovelywords.”“Theyare,aren’tthey?WhenIwaspracticinglaw,Ilaughedatpeoplewho

talkedaboutpositivethinkingandreadself-helpbooks.I’dsmilewithasenseofsuperiority when I’d see people rushing to the subway after work clutchingbookswithoddtitleslikeMegaLiving!andWhoWillCryWhenYouDie?‘Whywouldyoureadaself-helpbookifyouwerenormal?’waswhatIwould thinkback then.Butmy thinkinghasevolved. I’vecome tounderstand, throughmytimewiththosegreatsages,thatthemostnormalandwisethingyoucandoasapersonisworkonyourself.Thebestpossibleuseofyourtime,barnone,liesincultivatingyourmind,characterandspiritsothatyoucanbemoretothisworld.Buddha said it best: ‘Carpenters bendwood.Fletchersbend arrows.Andwisepeoplefashionthemselves.’”

“WhenIwasputtinganewbouquetofflowersinyourroomlikeyouasked

meto,Isawallthosequotesyouhavepastedtotheceiling.”“Prettycoolhuh?”remarkedJulianproudly.“Atnight,after thekidsare in

bed,Igouptomyroom,lieinbedandreciteeachandeveryoneofthosequotesoutloud.Itdeepensmycommitmenttolivingbythetimelesssuccessprinciplesthathavegovernedhumanity.”

“IlovedtheancientIndianonethatread‘Thereisnothingnobleaboutbeingsuperior to others.True nobility lies in being superior to your former self,’” Inotedreflectively.

“Thosearecompellingwords,aren’tthey?Theystrikeatthecoreofwhatthepurposeoflifereallyentails.It’snotaboutcompetingagainstothers.It’saboutwinningagainstyourself,growingasapersoneachdayandmakingyourselfamorevaluablehumanbeing.”

“Sowecanaddmorevaluetoallthosearoundus.”“You got it, Catherine,” affirmed Julian, clearly pleased with my correct

response.“NowbacktowhatIwassayingaboutmakingyourhomeahaven.”“I’mkeenonthisone.”“Irecommendthatyoubeginbyfillingyourhomewithgreatbooks.Teach

PorterandSaritathattoleadintheirlivestheymustreadintheirdays.Oneofthefinestgiftsaparentcangivetheirchildrenisaloveofreading,apassionforgoodbooks.All theanswers toanyquestion thekidsmighteverhave in theirlivesarecontainedwithinbooks.Throughthedisciplineofdailyreading,Porterand Sarita can spend timewith the greatest peoplewho have ever graced theplanet.Theycangetdeep into themindsofhistory’swisest thinkersand learntheirmostintimateinsights.Irecommendyouscheduleathirty-minutereadingsessioneverynightwithyourchildren.Getthemhookedonaspecialauthororonafascinatingseriessothattheylookforwardtothistime.Ipromiseyouthissimplenightlyritualwillinfluencetheirlivesinsuchapositiveway.”

“Wonderfulidea,Julian.IguessIjustassumedtheywouldlearnallthisstuffinschool.”

“Schools only supplement the teachings of parents. In this day and age,whereparents have toomuch to do in too little time, it’s easy to sit back andhopethattheschoolteachesyourchildrenallthethingsyouwouldhavetaughtthem if youweren’t sobusy trying todo all the things that are competing foryour attention.But that’s thewrong approach.Showing leadership as a parentmeansdoingallthosethingsthatyourconsciencetellsyouaretherightthingstodo,eventhoughtheymightnotbetheeasythingstodo.”

“Anyexamples?”Iasked,intrigued.

“Sure.After a long day ofwork, youmight justwant to do nothingmorethanwatch tvon thecouch.But saySaritawantsyou to read toher.TheeasythingtodowouldbetobrushheroffandgetJontotakeheroutforawalk.Buttherightthingtodowouldbetoturnoffthetelevision,pickupabookandreadtoyourdaughter.Doingthatisshowinggreatleadershipwithinyourhome.”

“True,”Iagreed.“AnotherexamplemightinvolvespeakingyourtruthwithPorter.”“Speakingmytruth?Whatdoesthatmean?”“Speakingyourtruthmeansspeakingfromyourheart.Fartoomanypeople

inourworldspeakonlyinthewordstheyknowthepeoplearoundthemwanttohear.Theyusetheirwordstomanipulateandcontrolratherthantoexpresstheirtrue feelings and build the kind of understanding that always leads to greaterlove.Inusingwordsthatdonotreflectwhattheyreallymeanorhowtheytrulyfeel,theylivetheirlivesinastateofspiritualdishonesty.Onlybyspeakingyourtruth—whatyoutrulyfeel,believeandknow—willyoubeinapositiontobethefamilyleaderthatyouaredestinedtobe.”

“Wow,”wastheonlyreplythatIcouldmuster.“Nowbacktotheexample.Alltooofteninlife,werunawayfromourfears.

Wise, enlightened and fully evolved people make a point of running towardstheirfears.Mostofushateconfrontingpeopleoverthingsweperceivetheyhavedonetousthathavemadeusfeelbad.Someoneputsusdownortreatsuspoorlyandratherthanhavingthecouragetoraisetheissueinamatureway,wepretenditneverhappened.Buttheproblemwiththatisthatthewoundfesters.”

“Anditdrainsyourenergy,too,”Iadded.“Exactly,Catherine.And so all these littlewounds addup to an enormous

weightthatyouendupcarryingaroundwithyouonthejourneyoflife.Showingleadershipmeansyoudealwithissuesastheycomeup,inamature,rationalandheartfeltway,nomatterhowuncomfortableitisforyoutoconfrontthemheadon.Solet’ssaythatwhenPortergetsalittleolder—perhapsintohisearlyteenyears—hedoessomethingthatembarrassesyou.Youhaveachoice:youcanrunfromtheissueoryoucandealwiththeissue.Runningfromitguaranteesthatthewoundwillfester.DealingwithitmeansthatPorterwillgainsomeawarenessofhisactionsandthatgreaterunderstandingwillevolvebetweenthetwoofyou.”

“Soleadershipis,inmanyways,abouttakingthehighroadandmakingthetoughchoice—nomatterhowuncomfortableitmakesmefeel.”

“Yes.And I’ll tellyouwhat.The tougheryouarewithyourself, theeasierlifewillbeonyou.Thestricteryouarewithyourself,thegentlerlifewillbeon

you.”“Whatdoyoumean?”“Imeanthatwhenyougetstricterwithyourselfandreininallthoseweaker

impulsesandhavetheself-disciplinetodowhat’sright—everytime—yourlifeis certain to turn out great.Deferringwhat is easy to do and preferring thoseactivities that your heart tells you are the right ones always leads you to thefamilylifeofyourdreams.”

“TheoneIwillhavedefinedinmyFamilyVisionAgreement?”“Precisely,littlesister.Precisely.”Inagrand,sweepinggesture,Julianreachedoverandpulledthehoodofhis

robeoverhishead.He lookedoutof thewindowandhe scanned thehorizon,which was filled with skyscrapers containing many thousands of peoplestrugglingwiththesameissuesIwasdealingwith.

“I’vegottogetgoing,Catherine.I’vegotameetingwithsomeone.”“MightIaskwithwhom?”Iblurtedout,burningwithcuriosity.“Ihavetomeetacraftsperson.He’sworkingonaspecialprojectforme.You

willknowaboutitwhenthetimeisright,”wasallJulianwouldreveal.“ButletmefinishupthislessonbeforeIgo.SowhatIwassayingis:takeresponsibilityfor your children’s moral development. Don’t expect the kids’ school to doeverything.That’snotfairtothekidsortotheschool.AndgivePorterandSaritaagreatloveofgreatbooks.HenryDavidThoreaureferredtotheseasthe‘heroicbooks’ in his classic workWalden, books that he said contained the noblestrecordedthoughtsofhumankind.”

“But Sarita can’t read and Porter is just getting into Arthur and CuriousGeorgebooks.Doesitreallymakesensetofillourhomewithgreatbiographiesandthewisebooksofphilosopherswhenhecannotreallyread?”

“Hemightnotbeabletoreadonhisown,butyoucancertainlyreadtohim.Ifyouareseriousaboutinspiringyourchildrentobecomegreatleadersintheirown lives, then youmust expose them to the lives of other great peoplewholivedbefore them.AsImentioned, fewthingsareaspowerful tokidsasgoodexamples.Ifyouwantyourchildrentolovelearning,turnoffthetelevisionandread for an hour a night yourself. If you want your children to committhemselvestoexcellence,makesureyoudothesame.Byfillingyourhomewithgreatbooksandmakingthetimetoreadthem—evenforfifteenminutesaday—youwillsendapowerfulmessagetoyourchildrenthatreadingmatters.Aswell,Icanthinkofnobetterlegacytoleavetoyourwonderfulchildrenthanalibrarycontaining the thoughts of the wisest peoplewho have ever graced the earth.

KnowingPorterandSarita,theywillthankyouforitforever.”“What an incredible idea, Julian.Building a libraryof theworld’s greatest

booksformychildrenasatributetothem.”“Itwouldbeawonderfulthingtodo,Catherine.Sowhereveryougo,keep

huntingforspecialbookstoaddtotheircollection.Readaloudfromthesebooksnightly. You may think they will not understand them, but the wisdom theyreceivewillbetuckedawaydeepintheirminds.Andthoseseedsthatyouplantwithin their characterswill eventually sprout into thegreat actsof enlightenedadults,”notedJulianpoetically.

“Whenwewere growing BraveLife.com, we brought in some consultantswho coached us to create a learning culture at work. They told us that if wereallywantedtohaveproductiveandcreativeemployees,itwasourdutyastheleaders of that organization to foster an environment where people loved tolearn.”

“Fair point. We now live in a world where ideas are the commodity ofsuccess.Intheoldeconomy,valuewasdefinedbybricksandbrawn—howmanyoffices you owned and how many employees you had. In the new economy,organizational success is defined by the brains and beliefs, the quality of theideas your people generate. One idea, coming from one person’s mind, cantransformtheworld.Andifyoudon’tbelieveme,justthinkaboutBillGatesorSteveJobs, tousebut twoexamplesfromthehigh-techfieldyouworkwithin.Theirideasaboutthepotentialofcomputershavechangedthewaywelive.Oneidea, if acted uponwith great intensity and relentless commitment, really canchangetheworld.”

“And it’s not just in business,” I added. “NelsonMandela started outwithnothingmorethanthesimpleideathathispeopledeservedtobefree.”

“AsdidMahatmaGandhi.”“AmeliaEarharthadasimpleideaaboutaviation.”“Anothergoodexample,”affirmedJulian.“AndEinstein’sideastransformedscience.”“Correct, little sister. The greatest leaders in this new world will be the

greatest thinkers. So your duty as a parent is to listen to those high-pricedconsultants you brought in and create a learning culture—not only in yourcompany but also within your home.Make learning fun.Make your house aplaygroundof ideaswhere thekids are trulypassionate about learning.ModelCuriousGeorge!”

“ModelCuriousGeorge?”Iaskedinsurprise.

“PorterandSaritaloveCuriousGeorge,right?”“He’stheirhero,”Ireplied.“Well,everyCuriousGeorgebookstartsoffwiththesamesentence.Doyou

rememberit?”“Sure:‘Georgewasagoodlittlemonkeybuthewasalwaysverycurious.’”“Right.What I’msaying toyou is thatyourdutyas aparent is to instill a

burningsenseofcuriositywithinPorterandSarita.Teachthemtobehungryforknowledge and thirsty forwisdom.Coach them to love books andmusic andideas.Thisishowtheywillsucceedinthisworldofboundlesschange.”

“Anythingelse Icando tomakeourhomeahavenafter I’vecreatedwhatyoucall‘alearningculture’forthefamily?”

“Flowers,” came the reply. “For about $3.49, you can walk out of anygrocerystorewithabouquetofflowersthatwillhaveamillion-dollareffectonyourhomeenvironment.”

“Really?”“Thesimpleactofplacingevenabouquetor twoofflowers inyourhome

can flood itwith a feelingof peace and tranquility. InSivana, the sages filledtheirtinyhomeswithflowersandworshipedthemassymbolsofallthatisgoodaboutlife.Flowersinyourhomewilladdcolor,theywillkeepyouconnectedtothesimplepleasuresoflifeandtheywillteachthekidsthatnatureisapositiveforceinourlives.”

“Iagree,Julian.SinceI’vebeenhome,I’vestartedgoingforweeklywalksinthewoods, in thesamewoodsweused toplay inaschildren. I’vealsostartedunpluggingthetelevisionwhilethekidsarewatchingitandtakingthemoutintothewoodswithmeasoftenasIcan.Wecollectleaves.Weplayhideandseek.Andweskiprocksonthatbigpondyouusedtogoskinnydippingin.”

Juliansquealedwithlaughter.“Iremember.Wehadsomeglorioustimesaskids,didn’twe?”

“Wesuredid.Butyou’reabsolutelyright.ThetimethekidsandIspendinnatural surroundings is so special for us. It really bondsus andbringsout thebestinourhearts.AndIknowitdoeswondersfortheircreativity.”

“Myadviceistotryanddoasmuchasyoucantomaketheinsideofyourhome beautiful. Develop an intense appreciation for beauty. Increase yourawarenessofwhat is beautiful.As this awarenessgrows, let’s say through thestrategicuseof flowers throughoutyourhouse,youwilldiscoveryoubegin tonoticeevenmorebeautyinyourhome—andinyourlife.”

“Themindisanincrediblething,isn’tit,Julian?”

“That it is. And the sages taught me so much about its workings and itswonders.” Julian pressed on without missing a beat. “To make your home ahaven, I also suggest thatyouadoptanotherof the ritualsof the sagesand letfreshairpassthrougheveryroominthehouse.”

“Why?”“It’s one of those ancient Eastern habits that even now I don’t fully

understand.ButCatherine, I encourage you to judge by results and by resultsalone.MylittleroomalwayshasthewindowsopenandIknowitisoneofthereasonsformyhighenergylevelandexcellenthealth.Perhapsit’sbecausethemoreoxygenweallowtoenterour lungs, thegreaterourpersonalvitalitywillbe.Thesagesusedtosaythat‘tobreatheproperlyistoliveproperly.’Inmyownlife,ImakecertainthatIbreathefreshairdaily.Onmymorningwalks,Ibreatheconsciously and deeply and completely. This simple discipline fills my bodywithvitalityandaradiantenergy.What’sthefirstthingwedoafterweareborn,Catherine?”

“Webreatheairintoourselves.”“Correct. So please remember that proper breathing practice is central to

life.”“Okay, anything else tomakemyhome a special sanctuary thatwill build

ourfamilycultureandhelpusgettowherewedreamofgetting?”“Three final suggestions before I go. First, let lots of sunlight into your

home.Itreallydoeswarmthesoulandmakethingsmostpleasant.Again,lookatmylivingquarters.Iputaskylightinforthisverypurpose,andtheraysofthesunkeepmesmilingthroughouttheday.Second,tryandhavequietfamilytime—especiallyintheeveningswhenJonisbackfromworkandthekidsarehomefromschool.Mostparentsgivenothoughttotheamountofnoiseintheirhomeenvironments, and yet this is one of the most important factors in thedevelopmentof apeacefulmindset.Yourenvironment shapesyour thinking. Ifthetelevisionisalwayson,thevideogamesarealwaysrunningandtheradioisalwaysblaring,yourhomewillneverbeanoasisofpeace—ahaven—fromtheoutsideworld.Toreallycreateasanctuary thatyourwhole familywill love tospendtimewithin,makecertainitisacalmplacetobe.”

“Soundssogoodwhenyoudescribeit,”Isaideagerly.“Give your kids an appreciation of solitude.As they get older, show them

thatthereisnoneedforthemtoconstantlyhavetheradioplaying,thecomputerhumming and the phones ringing. Encourage them to enjoy stimulatingconversation.Suggestthattheycultivatethehabitofletterwriting.Andinspire

themtowatchbeautifulsunsetsanddreambigdreams.”“I’dloveforthekidstolovethosethings,”Irepliedwistfully.“Awonderful ritual to incorporate intoyour family culture is a dailymeal

wherethewholefamilysitsdowntogethertoenjoyeachother’scompany.Manyyears ago, the familymealtimewas a cherished part of nearly every family’sroutine. But sadly,with all the demands that have now been placed upon ourtime,thishabithasbeenlost.Isuggestthatyouusethissacredtimetoaskabouteachother’sdayandwhateachfamilymemberlearnedfromit.TalkaboutyourFamilyVisionAgreementorotherimportantthingsthatyouwishtoshare.Shareanewpointofinterestorafunnystoryyoumighthaveheard.Themainpointistoseethisasanexcellentopportunitytoreconnectattheendoftheday.Oh,andmakecertainthatyouturnoffallthephonesduringthisfamilymealsoyouwillneverbeinterrupted.”

“Iguessthat’swhatvoicemailisfor,isn’tit?”“True.”“Andyetweallseemtohavethisurgetorunandpickupthephoneevery

timeitrings,evenifwearedoingsomethingimportantwiththekids.”Juliannoddedandthencontinued.Isensedthathewasanxioustoleave,but

wantedtoshareasmuchwisdomashecouldwithmebeforedoingso.“Implementingthestrategyofadailyfamilymealtimeisafabulouswayto

show real leadership at home. And remember, as a parent you are a leader.Leadership is not the sole domain of the CEO. Whether you work in aboardroom such as this or within your home as a full-time parent, you are aleader.”

“Andthefinalpoint?”“Never forget that the family that plays together is the family that stays

together.Everyfewweeks,haveaLaughterNightwhereyourentfunnymoviesfrom the video store or do silly things at home guaranteed tomake everyonelaugh.Neverlosethatfabuloussenseofhumoryouhave,Catherine.Andteachyour children the power of a good belly laugh. Laughter truly is the shortestdistance between people and one of the wisest ways to deepen your humanconnections.Lifecanbedifficultattimes,butkeepyourperspectiveandmakethe time to laugh together on a regular basis. Themore you laugh, the morePorter and Sarita will see that being an adult is actually not such a seriousoccupationafterall.HaveyouwatchedthekidswhentheypretendtheyareyouandJon?”

“Yes,Ihave.”

“Well,theygrowsoserious,don’tthey?”“You’reright,theydo,”Ianswered,shudderingatthisrealization.“Dotheylaughandgigglewhentheyareimitatingthetwoofyou?”“Nope,”Irespondedquietly.“So what I said earlier might just be true. Children do come to us more

highlyevolvedthanadultstoteachusthelessonsweneedtolearn.Andperhaps,mygreatlittlesisterwhoIlovesomuch,thelessonforyouistolightenup.”

“ButIdiddanceonthistable,”Ilaughed.“Youdid,”repliedJulian,givingmeabighugandthenhistrademarkkisson

myforehead.“Iknowyouareallgoingtohavegreatlivesandyourchildrenwillmatureintofineteenagersandexcellentadults.Youneednothaveanyworriesabout that. Take all I have taught you this morning to heart. Reflect on thewisdom I’ve shared for the rest of the day and think deeply of how you canintegrate it all to create a rich family culture and a home that is your specialcommunityoflove.Yourlifewillmovefromthecocoonoftheordinaryintotherealmoftheextraordinary.”

Andwith that,mybrother, thegreat JulianMantle, turned anddashedoff,leavingmealoneintheboardroomastheraysofagloriousafternoonbathedmein light. I felt so happy aboutwhat I had learned thatmorning that I felt likedancingonthetable.

TheSecondMasteryoftheFamilyLeader

ShiftfromScoldingtheChildtoMoldingtheLeader

Makeitaruleneverifpossibletoliedownatnightwithoutbeingabletosay,“Ihavemadeonehumanbeingatleastalittlewiser,alittlehappieroralittle

betterthisday.”CharlesKingsley

Ihadnotlovedenough.I’dbeenbusy,busy,sobusy,preparingforlife,whilelifefloatedbyme,quietandswiftasaregatta.

LoreneCary

Julian’sadvicethatthefamilywasanorganizationthatrequiredleadershiplikeall other organizations was not lost on me. In the weeks following ourremarkablemeetingdowntownattheBraveLife.comoffices,Isetaboutmakingsomeprofoundchangesinthewaywedidthingsathome.JonandIcametoseeourselves as leaders and catalysts of change. We recognized that Julian wasright:parentsareleadersandwehadtostopdoingwhatwaseasyinour livesandstartdoingwhatwasright.ThetwoofuswentonmanylongwalkswhileJulianplayedwithPorterandSarita,andwestartedtocarveoutthebeginningsofourFamilyVisionAgreement,acontractthatwebothpromisedwouldguideouractions.Weanalyzedwhatkindofexamplesweweresettingforourchildrenby thewaywewere conducting our lives andwrote out a long list of all thethingsweknewwehadtoimprove.

Many hundreds of years ago, Thomas Fuller wrote: “He does not believewhodoesnotliveaccordingtohisbelief.”Tome,thatmeansthatifyoudon’tlivebythevaluesthatyouprofesstobelievein,thenyoudon’treallybelieveinthem.Saywhatyouwant,buttalkischeapandtheevidenceneverlies.Youcantell theworld that your family comes first, but if youmiss family dinners for

business meetings most days of the week, the fact of the matter is that yourfamilyreallydoesnotcomefirst.Youcanpreachthepowerofreadingandofferyour children good books, but if you spendmost of your free time watchingsitcomsontv,wellthenyoureallydon’tbelievethatlearningisthepriorityyousayit is.After theplanecrash, therewasnodoubt inmymindthatmyfamilywasthemostimportantpriorityinmyworld.NowIhadtolivethatvalue.

Those early days after the crash, with Julian livingwith us up in that simpleroomabove the garage,were precious times. Jon and I grew closerwith eachpassingday.Themorewediscussedhowwecouldimproveourfamilycultureandmakeourhomeahaven,themorewerekindledthatsparkofcaringthatweboththoughtwe’dlost.Icametodevelopagreaterappreciationforthestrengthof Jon’s character and for the man that he was. In turn, Jon told me that hehonoredmeformyintellect,myself-disciplineandmynewpassionforlife.Wegrewtounderstandeachothermore.Wecametorespecteachothermore.Andwecametoloveeachothermorethanwehadeverinthepast.

Rebuildingmyrelationshipwith thechildrenandJonwasnotalwayseasy,though.Yes,wemadetremendousprogressinarelativelyshortperiodoftime,in largepartbecauseof thestrengthofmycommitment to improveourfamilylife.But after somanyyearsofneglectonmypart, challengeswerebound tooccur.

Jon sometimes feltbitterover the lostyears and the special family times Ihadmissed.Sincehewasnotthemostvocalofpeople,thisfrustrationwasoftenmaskedinapathy.Hewouldtellmehewasnotinterestedingoingforapicnicornotkeen to tryanewdishIwanted the twoofus tocook together.Thatgreatleader of humanbeingsMahatmaGandhi once said that “Three-fourths of themiseriesandmisunderstandings in theworldwilldisappear ifwestep into theshoesofouradversariesandunderstandtheirstandpoint.”WhileJonwasclearlynot my adversary, I often relied on this phrase to helpmewhen things grewtryingwithhim.I’daskmyself“whatmusthebefeelingrightnow,andhowcanIhelphimthroughit?”Ireallytriedto“getbehindhiseyeballs”andviewthingsfromhis perspective.Eachoneof us sees theworld throughourown stained-glasswindow,eachcolorofthatwindowrepresentinganexperience,attitudeorbias.Itwashelpfultoviewtheworldthroughhis.

Withtime,IcametorealizethatitwasmorethanjusttimetogetherthatJonneeded. He craved greater understanding. He wanted to be loved deeply and

have apartnerwhomhe could love completely in return.Hewanted someonewhowouldcelebratethelittlevictorieshewonashebuilthisownbusiness,andsomeonetowhomhecouldopenupwhenthecardsdidnotfallinquitethewayhehadhoped.Hewantedapartnerhecouldlaughwith,aloverhecouldlearnfromandawifewhowouldbecomehisbestfriendalloveragain.

I’ll also come clean and admit that Porter and Sarita did not alwayscooperate either.Of course, theywere thrilled that I spent somuch timewiththemandthatIhadmovedmyofficeintoourhome.TheylovedthefactthatIwaslessserious,moreplayfulandfarmoreaffectionatewiththemthanI’deverbeen.Butallthattimeawayfromthemdidtakeitstoll.Theysometimesbecameclingy andwouldn’t leavemy side. At other times, they threw tantrums overissues that other kidsmight have not given a second thought to. I sensed thattheir insecurity lay in the fact that they never knew when this newly-createddreammightendandtheirmothermightgetcalledbackintoworktoresumeherformer lifestyle. I also realized that it would take some time for me to fullyregain Porter and Sarita’s trust. A fewmonths of being the ideal parent is nosubstituteforalifetimeofcommitmentanddedicationtoone’schildren.

I realized that my vision of becoming an excellent parent was a work-in-progress.Ilearnedtobegentlewithmyselfandtoacceptmypastfailingswithgrace. They were a necessary part of my evolution, I came to understand.“Everything happens for a reason,” I would remindmyself. The unfolding ofeverylifeisaprocess.Welive,wefalterandthenwelearnandgrow.IsimplypromisedmyselfIwouldacceptJulian’swisdomwithanopenheartandapplyhis ideaswithagentle faith. I felt certain that the resultswouldcomeandmybestlifewouldeventuallyrevealitself.

Aftermanylate-nightdiscussionsandmuchintrospectiononourparts,JonandIbothbegan to takea fargreatersenseof responsibility forwhatwentonwithinourhome.Asmoretimepassed,theresidualapathythatJonshowedfromtime to time melted into sympathy and an appreciation of how hard I wasworkingtogetourfamilyculturetotheplacewherewebothknewitcouldbe.Westartedlaughingmoreoftenandsincelaughter iscontagious, thekidssooncame to followour lead.Weall startedhuggingeachothermany timesaday,and saying “I love you” became as common in our home as spilledmilk andSaturday morning cartoons. And we all began to really enjoy doing nothingmorethanenjoyingeachother’scompany.

Just so you know exactly howwe got our transformation going after thatmeetingwithJuliandowntown,thefirstthingJonandIdidwastoformulatethe

Family Vision Agreement that Julian had encouraged us to develop. It madeperfectsensetous:itwouldbeimpossibletohitatargetwecouldnotsee.Ifwereallywantedtomakewholesaleimprovementsinourfamilylifeandmakeourhome culture one based on deep love and happiness, we had to have a clearpicture of the end result in ourminds and then articulate it on paper. “Clarityprecedes mastery” was the phrase Julian kept on repeating to the both of uswhileweallrelaxedinthefamilyroom.

By clarifying our future, defining our values and reflecting upon ourpriorities,webeganlivinginamuchmoreintentionalanddeliberateway.Lifenolongeractedonus—wetookchargeofourlivesandlivedoutourdaysonourownterms.Personally,Ifeltmorepeacefulandincontrol.Thatsenseofbeingoverwhelmed,whichdominatesthelivesofmostofusinthiswildandwoollyworldwherewe juggle full-time jobswith grocery shopping, soccer practicesandvolunteerwork,begantosubside.Lifebecamefunagain.

AsforJulian,hespentmostofhisdaysreadingandmeditating inhisneatlittleroomabovethegarage.FromtimetotimeI’dhearbangingandsawing,butIprettymuchstoppedgoingupthereinabidtogiveJulianthefreedomIknewhe needed. Sometimes he’d come into our family room covered in sawdust,muttering somethingabout “thosedarnedcraftspeople. Ihope theyknowwhatthey’redoing.”Ididn’taskwhathemeant.

Julian’sneedswerefew:freshflowerswheneverIhadtimetopickthemupforhim,lotsoffreshairandplentyoftimewithPorterandSarita.Hisloveforthemgrewprofoundastheweeksrolledalong.JulianhadbeenagoodfathertoAllyoverthecourseofherall-too-brieflife.Butwithhisnewfoundwisdomandcompassion, I sensed he would be a great parent if he ever decided to havechildrenagain.OnemorningIaskedhimaboutthis.

“Hi,Julian,”Isaidashewalkedinthesidedoor,abottleofspringwaterinhishandafterhiscustomarymorningwalk.

“Goodmorning,Catherine.Ithinkit’sgoingtobeonebrilliantdayoutthere.Didyouseethewaythemoonisstillvisibleintheskyeventhoughthesunisblazing?”

“Ihadn’tnoticed.ButI’llhaveapeekonceIdropPorteroffatschoolandSaritaoffatJon’smom’splace.She’sbeenawayonvacationandwantstospendthedaydoingartsandcraftswithher.She’ssuchanicewoman,Julian.”

“SoI’veheard.MindifItagalongwithyouinthecar?”“Sure,thatwouldbegreat.Saritalovesitwhenyousitinthebackseatwith

heranddoyourhilarious‘tourguide’routine.”

“I’lldoanythingtoamuseher,”repliedJulian.“Iknow.”Afterwedroppedthekidsoff,IstartedaskingJuliansomeofthequestions

thathadbeenonmymind.“Julian?”“Yes,Catherine.”“Doyouthinkyouwillevergetmarriedagain?”“What?”exclaimedJulian,breakingintolaughter.“No,I’mserious.Youlookphenomenal.YouarethewisestpersonI’veever

met.YouaresofuntobearoundandyouhavethemostpositiveattitudeIcouldever imagine. I think there would be many opportunities for you to meetsomeonespecial.Maybeevenhaveanotherchild.”

Julianlookedoutofthepassengerwindowandfellcompletelysilent.Ididn’tsay anotherword. Soon, his eyeswelled upwith tears that then gathered anddrizzleddownhissmoothcheeks,endinguponthefoldsofhisever-presentredrobe.

“Sorry,Julian.Ididn’tmeantobringbackbadmemories,”Iapologized.“Youactuallybroughtbackgoodones,”Julianansweredsweetly.“Mydays

withAllywere the best days ofmy life.HavingPorter andSarita around hasbroughtthejoyofthosedaysbacktome.Ireallylovekids.“

“Iknowyoudo.”“And Porter and Sarita are very special children. I’ve seen such an

improvementinthemoverthepastlittlewhile.”“Thanks.I’mworkingatit.”“Iknowyouare,”Julianreplied.“Ihatetobesopersistent,butIamyoursisterandIcareaboutyoualot.So

whatdoyouthink?Keenonremarrying?”“Not at this point inmy life, Catherine. Butmaybe later,” he said with a

broad grin, tickled by the fact that though hewaswell into his golden years,physicallyhelookedmanydecadesyounger.

“Okay, I’m not going to push the point. For now. But I’ve got a ton ofintelligent,beautifulfriendsthatwouldlovetomeetamanlikeyou.”

“I’llkeepitinmind,littlesister.RightnowIhaveotherpriorities.”“Sowhere arewe going?” I asked, as Julian rolled down thewindow and

stuckhishandintothewind,lettingitsailupanddownthewaykidsdoonhotsummerdays.

“Iwashopingwecoulddriveuptothecottagetoday.Ihaven’tbeenupthere

in years. I thought todaywould be the right day forme to share The SecondMasteryoftheFamilyLeaderwithyou.”

“Really?” I replied joyfully.“Iwaswonderingwhenyou’d reveal thisone.Whatdoesitsay?”

“The SecondMastery of the Family Leader is all about trust-building andopeningthelinesofhumanity.”

“Openingthelinesofhumanity?”“Yes.Alltoooften,Catherine,werestrainourhumanity.Wedon’ttellpeople

how much we love them or all that we appreciate about them. This failureprevents us from forging the bonds of love that give rise to a great familyculture.TheSecondMasteryoftheFamilyLeadersaysShiftfromScoldingtheChild to Molding the Leader, and that’s done through deepening yourrelationshipsathome.”

“Okay,Julian, let’sheadup to thecottage. I think that’sagreat idea.Jon’sworkingonabigprojectandsaidhe’dbehomelaterthanusual.IcouldcallhismomandaskhertopickPorterupfromschool.Iknowshe’dbethrilledtohavethekidsallday.”

“Excellent,”repliedJulian,clearlypleasedatmywillingnesstorearrangemyschedulesowecouldbetogetherforafulldayoflearning.

“And,tobehonest,Icouldusethebreak.I’vebeenspendingsomuchtimewiththechildrenthatI’dlovesometimeoffinthecountry.”

“It’s important to have your time too, Catherine. Too many parents feelguilty if they takesometimefor themselves.They think it isaselfish thing todo.Butcarvingouttimetorenewandrechargeisactuallyaveryselflessact.”

“Really?”“Of course. It makes you better with your whole family. When you are

happy, theywillbehappy.Whenyoufeel relaxedandatpeace,youwillbeatyourbest.Andyourfamilywillbenefitthemost.”

“Excellentpoint.I’llrememberthatone.”“So let’s drive straight out to the country. I want to share a few more

principleswith you that I knowwillmake your home life even better.You’redoing some great things these days. I’m very impressedwith all your efforts.ThatchatwehaddownattheBraveLife.comofficesreallyseemstohavemadeanimpact.”

“Youopenedmyeyestoalotofthingsonthatday,Julian.ThewholenotionthatIneedtobealeaderathomeandbuildauniquefamilyculturereallyhitthemark.”

“I’mglad,”camethesoftreply.

WhatJulianreferredtoas“thecottage”wasreallyaspectacularestatepropertythatmygrandfatherhadbuiltonforty-twoacresof themostbeautifulgroundsyou could ever imagine. The home overlooked a magnificent freshwater lakethatweusedtoswiminandboatonaschildren.Flowerswereeverywhere,andthe sounds of singing birds could be heard throughout the property. Itwas sogoodtobeback.

As we drove along the road that led to the main house, my mind wasdrenchedwithmemoriesofthepast.IrememberedthedayJuliantaughtmehowtosailtheboatthatourmotherhadboughtforusthedaywefinishedschoolthatyear.Webothhadplacedattheverytopofourclasses,andshesaidshe’dgetussomethingspecial.Wespentdayafterlazysummerdayinthatsailboat,makinguphilariousstoriesanddreamingabouttheliveswewouldcreateasadults.Evenbackthen,Julian’sdreamwasthesame:“I’mgoingtobeagreattriallawyer,”hewouldsay.

Ismiledas I thoughtabout thenightwhen,askids,wesleptoutsideunderthestarsandtoldtalesofghostsandgoblinstoeachother,growingsofrightenedthatwehadtoyellforourfathertocomeoutandescortusinsidewiththeaidofa flashlight. And I recalled all the great family times we had enjoyed at thisidyllicretreat,timessogranditseemedthathappinessandloveinfusedtheveryairwewerebreathing.

“Ialwayslovedthesmelloftheseflowersinthespring,”observedJulianinarelaxedtone.

“Metoo.I’veneverbeenabletofindflowersthisbiginthecity,”Ireplied.Walkingupthepathtothebighouse,Julianthrewanarmovermyshoulder

andthencontinuedalongthewaysilently.“You knowwhywe both love this place somuch?” he asked after a few

moments.“Tellme?”“It’sbecauseofthememories,Catherine.”“Thememories?”“Yes.Sure, this isamarvelousplace.Butat theendof theday, the reason

why this property has such a place in our hearts is because of all the humanmomentswehaveenjoyedhere.”

“Humanmoments?”Ianswered,curiousaboutyetanotherofJulian’snovel

phrases.“Yes, humanmoments. TheHarvard Business Review did a piece on this

subjectanumberofyearsback.Theauthorwrotethatthereasonpeoplearenolongerhappy,creativeandinspiredatworkisbecausethemodernworkplacehasgrownsobusythereisnolongeraplaceforhumanmoments.”

“Whatexactlyarehumanmoments?”“They are those special times when human beings come together and

connect in a deep, openway.Before things in the corporateworld became sobusyandfast-paced,weusedtomaketimetochatatthewatercooleraboutwhatwedidontheweekendoraskourworkmatesabout theprogress theirchildrenweremaking.Wewouldget toknowour colleagues and come to see themasimportantelementsinthefabricofourlives.Now,peoplecomeintoworkandareassaultedbyabarrageofe-mails,anever-endingstreamofvoicemailandamile-highpileoffaxes.Inthenewbusinessworld,wenolongerhavethetimetoslow down, enjoy each other’s company and connect warmly.We practicallydon’tevenknowthesepeoplethatwespendthebetterpartsofourdayswith.”

“Andthethingthat’sironic,”Iadded,“isthatwhenwefindthetimetofosterthese connections that you’re speaking of, innovation, productivity and on thejobeffectivenesssoar.”

“That’sexactlywhatthisconsultantwroteinthearticle.ButIthinkthathisrealpointwasthis:businessleaderscanenrichthespiritofthecommunitiesofpeoplethatcomprisetheircompaniesbyencouraginghumanmomentsatwork.”

“IthinkIknowwhereyou’regoingwiththisone,”Isaidintuitively.“Applythesamethinkingtoyourhomelife,”statedJulian.“Interesting.”“Toshowrealleadershipwithinyourfamily,”Juliancontinued,“encourage

human moments between yourselves. Stop scolding the children and startmoldingandsculptingthemintoleaders throughthegiftofyourunconditionallove.Alleffectiveleaderscaredeeplyabouttherelationshipsthatcomprisetheirorganization.Youshouldn’tbeanydifferent.”

“Agreed,” I said in a reflective tone, knowing thatwork still needed to bedonewith that fiery temper ofmine that I’d sometimes let loose during thosetimeswhen the kidswere screaming, phoneswere ringing anddeadlineswereapproachingquickly.

“Youareastar inbusiness,Catherine,”Juliancontinued,makingmefeelalittlebetter.“I’mcertainlynotinapositiontolectureyouontheartofgrowingaworld-classenterprise.You’vedonethatandsucceededadmirably.”

“Thanks,Julian.”“Andgivenyourexperienceasacorporateleader,youknowthatultimately

what makes a great business is great talent. Great, creative, energized peoplewhoarepassionateaboutwhattheydo.”

“Completelycorrect,”Irepliedaswewalkedintothegrandlivingroomofthedwelling.

“AndIknowyouwillalsoagree that thebestway tobringout thebest inpeopleistoshowthemthatyoutrulycareaboutthem.”

“Ido.”“Sotheheartofbusinesssuccessliesinconnectingtopeople’shearts.True

leadershipofhumanbeingsliesincommendingthemratherthanincondemningthem. The deeper your relationship with others, the more effective yourleadershipof themwill be.Peoplewill not followyou if theydon’t trust you.And here’s the big lesson,” Julian spoke with heightened emotion: “Beforeanyonewilllendyouahand,youmustfirsttouchtheirhearts.”

“Before someonewill lend you a hand, youmust first touch their heart? Ilovethatone,Julian.”

“Knowwhyyoulovethatone?”“No,why?”“Becauseitspeakstothetruth.Everyhumanbeing,nomatterwhatstageof

evolution they are at, has the capacity to recognize the highest truths ofhumanity.AndthatphraseIjustmentionedisoneofthem.”

“Wow.ItremindsmeofaquoteIrecentlyreadbytheGermanpoetGoethewherehewrote: ‘Treatpeople as if theywerewhat theyought tobe andhelpthembecomewhattheyarecapableofbeing.’”

“Andthatiswhathumanmomentsareallabout.Thoselittleopportunitiestoshowyourhumanitytoanotherperson.Thoselittlewindowsofchancetoshowloveandcompassion foranotherperson that reveal themselveseachandeverydaybutgenerallygounseizedbecauseweareallsodarnbusybeingbusy.”

“And seizing these opportunities to create ‘human moments’ deepens ourrelationshipsinprofoundways,right?”

“Right. And not only that. These humanmoments leave us with indeliblememorieswhich,attheendoftheday,arethemostpreciousthingsinlife.Yousee, Catherine, a great life is nothing more than a series of great memorieswoventogether.”

“Fascinating.”“It’strue.Alltoooftenwegetcaughtupinthinkingthatweneedtoachieve

certainheroicactsinordertovalidateourlivesandbringusgreatsuccess.Weget fooled intobelievingwemustaccumulateexpensive toysandanexcessofbelongingsinordertobefulfilledattheendoftheday.Butthat’snotthewaytoreal happiness. Real and lasting happiness comes through the progressiveaccumulationoflovelymemoriesandspecialmoments.Fortherestofyourdays,Catherine,commityourself todoingwhatever it takes tocollectasmanygreatfamilymemoriesaspossible.Andrememberthatthebestwaytobereallyreallysuccessful in life is to be really really kind. Take all that thinking from thecorporate environment about community building and human moments andtranspose it into your home life. Bring these tried and true leadershipphilosophiesofthebusinessworldintothefourcornersoftheplacewhereyoulive.”

“Howexactly?”Iwondered.“Start thinking that thedeeperyour relationshipwith Jonand thekids, the

moreeffectiveyour leadershipwillbewithinyourhome.Stop scoldingPorterandSaritaandstartmoldingthemintothegreatsoulsthatwebothknowtheyaredestinedtobecome.”

“And stop condemning and start commending them?” I added, borrowingJulian’sphrase.

“Right on,” Julian replied excitedly, jumping up into the air as if hewereriding a trampoline. “Praise your kids on jobs well done. Never forget thatbehavior that is rewarded is behavior that gets repeated. Recognize andappreciate them when they help with the dishes or prepare dinner with you.Lavishthemwithsincerepraisewhentheylearnanewskillortryanewgame.Sincere praise is one of the finest motivators of the human heart and yet werarelyuseit.”

“Iguessyou’reright,Julian.Werestrainourhumanity.”“Anddon’tbe soquick togetmadwhen theyspill a littlemilkorbreaka

brandnewdish.Theyare children and that’swhat childrendo. It’s oneof thewaysthattheylearn.IrememberoneoftheinvestmentbankersIusedtohangout with in my old glory days telling me that the secret to the incredibleconfidencethathehadstemmedfromhischildhood.”

“Whatinparticular?”“Well,hewas raisedbyhis father,andwheneverhewouldspilladrinkor

breakadishormakeamistake,hisfather,ratherthangettingangry,wouldaskhim:‘So,Jerry,what’sthelessonhere?’Thatsimplequestionledtotheforgingof one of the strongest characters I’ve ever known. Remember, Catherine, a

mistake is only a mistake if you make it twice. The first time around it’s alearningexperience,oneessentialforgrowth.”

“Really?”“Ofcourse.Wouldn’tyouagreethattheprimarywaywegrowaspeopleis

throughourfailuresandmistakes?”“Forsure.Cometothinkofit,mybiggestsetbackshaveledtomygreatest

growth.”“Exactly. Failure is the highway to success. Failing is nothing more than

learninghowtowin.Goodparentsrewardexcellent failures.WhenPorterandSaritahavethebraverytostepoutandtrysomethingnewandtheyfail,rewardandencouragethem.Itwillfloodthemwithconfidenceandinspirethemtokeepgrowing and stretching their capacities. If they’vemade amistake, help themlearn what went wrong and then move forward. And never use negative orcritical language with them. Condemning children causes them to shrivel upinsideandextinguishestheverylightthatmakesthemsospecial.Itisasin,thewayIhearparentsscreamingattheirkidsatthegrocerystoreoverthesilliestofaccidents.What thatshowsis that theparentshave toget theiracts together—notthechildren.”

“My goodness, you’ve got some brilliant insights, Julian. You must havespenthoursandhoursreflectingonallthisstuff.”

“Morelikeyearsandyears,”camethefaintreplyasJulianbegantostrokehisrobe,deepinthought.

“And also think seriously about that all-important leadership principle Imentionedtoyouthatsays‘peoplewillnotfollowyouiftheydonottrustyou.’Recognize,onceandforall, thatyourprimarydutyasaparent is tobecomeabuilderofhumantrust.”

“I need to become a builder of human trust?” I asked, intrigued by thisphrase.

“Yes,Catherine.Trust forms the cornerstoneof everygreat family culture.Like I said, before someonewill lendyouahand, youmust touch their heart.Andtouchingsomeone’sheartultimatelycomesthroughgeneratingtheirtrust.”

“So if IwantPorter andSarita to help outmore around the house, saybypicking up all their toys after they finish playing with them, I need to starttouchingtheirheartsmoreoften?”

“Yes,that’spreciselywhatI’msaying.”“SowhatpracticalthingscanIdoathometobecomea‘builderoftrust,’as

youputit?HowcanIstartdeepeningmyrelationshipsandcreatingthesegreat

memoriesthatyousayarethestuffofgreatfamilylives?”“Well, there are somany things you cando.The first andby far themost

importantistokeepyourpromisesandcommittoyourcommitments.”“Everheardthestoryofthemastercarpenterwhowasjustabouttoretire?”

Juliancontinued.“Idon’tthinkso.”“Well,hewassettoretireafteralonganddedicatedcareerbuildinghouses.

Butattheverybeginningofhisillustrioustenurewithaprominentcontractor,hehadbeenrequiredtomakeaveryspecialpromise.”

“Whichwas?”“Thecarpenterhadtopromisethecontractorthateveryhousehebuiltwould

bebuiltasifitwasthemostimportantprojecthehadeverbeengiven.Hehadtopromisethateveryhousewouldbebuiltwithdedication,careandlove.Gettingready to retire, thecarpenterwent intohisboss’soffice to informhim that thehousehehadjustcompletedwouldbehislast.Thebosssaidhewassorrytoseehimgoandaskedifhewouldbekindenoughtodoafinalfavorforhim.‘Justbuildmeonemorehouse,’requestedtheemployer,‘thenyou’refreetogo.’Thecarpenter,who respected his boss a great deal, agreed and immediately got toworkonthenewhouse.Butunlikeeveryotherhousehehadbuiltovertheyears,hedidnotusethefullextentofhisexpertisewiththisfinaloneandtookeveryshortcutheknewtofinishtheprojectinrecordtimesohecouldbeginhislifeasaretiredman.Hecutcorners,usedinferiormaterialandhurriedtogetthetaskoverwith.”

“Hebrokehisearlypromise,”Iinterjected,immersedinthestoryJulianwassharing.

“Yes he did, Catherine,” Julian continued. “Within weeks, the house wascompleted and the carpenter informed his boss of this fact. ‘Thanks for doingthisforme,’hesaidtothecarpenterinagentletone.Thentheemployerhandedthecarpenterthekeystothefrontdoor.‘Theseareforyou.Thehouseyoujustbuilt is my parting gift for all your years of hard work and dedication.’ Thecarpenterwasastounded.Hecouldnotbelieve that thehomehehad justbuiltwashisown.Ifhehadknownthis,hewouldhaveputhisverybestintoit.”

“Wow.Greatstory.”“See,thatcarpenterfailedtokeepthemostimportantpromisehehadmade

to his employer and to himself, the promise that he would do his work withexcellence and true mastery of his craft. And because he breached this corecommitment,heendeduplivingintheonlyinferiorhomethathehadeverbuilt.

And so it iswith our lives.Webreakpromises and endup living in less thanidealcircumstances,circumstancesthatwehavecreatedbyourownactions.”

“Sofamilyleadersmustalwayskeeptheirpromisesandremaintruetotheirword,”Iconcluded.

“Yes,unlesstheywishtoenduplivingininferiorandmiserablehomes.Andit’s not just the promises they make to their family members that they mustfollowthroughon,Catherine.Theymustalsokeepthepromisesthattheymaketothemselves.Keepingthepromisesyoumaketoothersbuildsfamilytrustandenriches the home culture.Keeping the promises youmake to yourself buildsself-trustandenrichesyourpersonalcharacter.”

“That’s definitely true, Julian. As you know, I’ve started working outregularly.”

“I’venoticed.You’veneverlookedbetter.”“Thanks, big brother. Well, when I miss even one of the workouts I’ve

planned,Ifeelsobad.It’slikeI’veletmyselfdownorsomething.”“Youhave.Keepingthepromisesyoumaketoyourself,whetherthepromise

involvesexercisingortakingsometimetocommunewithnatureorevengettingamassageafterahecticweek,meansyouarebeingtruetoyourself.Whenyoufollow through on the commitments you have made to take better care ofyourself, youare in effecthonoringyourself.Whenyoubreak thesepromises,youslowlylosetrustinyourself.Youweakenself-trust.Themorepromisesyoubreak,themoreself-trustyoulose.Eventually,youlosecompleteconfidenceinyourselfasahumanbeing.Andwhenyou’velostthat,you’velosteverything,”statedJuliandramatically,thesunlightdancingofftheshinygoldenembroiderythatranalonghisrobe.

“Thatmakessomuchsense,Julian.Noone’severtaughtmeanythingquitelikethis.Notingradeschool.Notinhighschool.Notinbusinessschool.Pleasegoon.”

“Trustisthebasisofeveryhumanrelationship,whetheratworkorathome.Todeepenyourrelationshipswithyourfamily,youneedtoincreasethetrustthatisthere.Andoneofthemostpowerfulwaystodothatistobecomeapersonofyourword.Wordshavegreatpower.Don’tsayyou’lldosomethingunlessyoucan be sure youwill do it. Try to keep every promise that youmake. Try tobecomemeticulous with your word. You will completely transform your life.ThatIcanassureyou.”

“Thatsoundshard,beingmeticulouswithmyword.ImeanIhavesomanycommitments.It’snoteasytofollowthroughonallofthem.”

“Then stop making so many. Begin to underpromise so you can alwaysoverdeliver.Becomemoreselectiveinwhatyoupromise.Tobeagreatleaderathome, youmust first be amodel of integrity.Youmust be the kindof personwhodoestherightthingeverytime.Thekindofpersonwholivesbyaprivatecodeofhonor.Indoingso,youwillgaintherespectofotherpeople.Evenmoreimportantly,peoplewhokeeptheirpromisesgaincredibility.Theirfamilycomestorelyonthemanddeeplybelieveinwhattheysay…”

“Becausetheyknowitisthetruth,”Iinterruptedexcitedly.“Yes,becausetheyknowitisthetruth.Andthetruthreallywillsetyoufree,

littlesister.”“I’veneverthoughtthatgainingcredibilityintheeyesofmyfamilywasthat

important.I’vealwaysthoughtthattherewereotherprioritiesformeasapartnerandparent.”

“Credibilityiskey,Catherine.Credibilitypromotestrust,andtrust,asIhavesaid,liesattheheartofeverydeep,meaningfulrelationship.Somysuggestiontoyouis:don’tmakeapromisetosomeoneormakeacommitmentunlessyouarecertainyoucandeliveronit.Don’tsayyouwilltakePorterandSaritatothecircus this weekend unless you are sure you can take them. The promises ofparents mean the world to little kids. Understand that when you break thesepromises,youbreaktheirhearts.AnddonottellJonthatyouwillhelphimwriteupthatnewbusinessplanhehasbeentalkingaboutunlessyouarepositivethatyou’llbeabletodoit.Withinaveryshortperiodoftime,youwillseesomethingwonderful start to happen in your life. Themembers of your familywill startlistening to you in a way they have never listened to you before. They willdeeply respectyou.Theywill come toknowand loveyouasapersonwho isalwaystruetoherword.Andthatwillbuildthelovebetweenyouall.”

“Amazingknowledge.Andyetit’sprofoundlysimplestuff.”“‘Simplyprofoundstuff’ishowI’dchoosetodescribethiswisdomthatthe

monksweregoodenoughtosharewithme,”repliedJulian,clearlytickledbyhiscleverturnofphrase.

“Okay,Julian.I’mgoingtogetreallyseriousaboutkeepingallmypromisesandcommittingtoallmycommitments.I’llbecomemeticulouswithmyword.WhenIsayI’lldosomething,I’llhavethestrengthofcharactertodoit.Iwilltryhardtobecomeawomanofmyword—truetomyword—andstoplivingmylife according towhat’s easiest todo, concentrating insteadondoing the rightthings. What else can I start doing to deepen human connections within ourhome?”

“Pardonme?”“I said, what else can I start doing to deepen the human connections at

home?”Irepeated.“What?”“Isaid,”beginningtoyellandwonderingifJulian’shearingwasbeginning

tosuffer inspiteofhisextraordinaryphysicalcondition,“whatelsecan I startdoingtodeepenmyhumanconnections?”

“Runthatonebymeonemoretime,littlesister.”“You’vegot tobekidding,Julian. I justaskedyouthesamequestion three

times.Whyaren’tyoulistening?It’sstartingtodrivemealittlecrazy.”“Ah, thankyou. Just the response Iwashoping for,” saidapleasedJulian,

grinning from ear to ear. “You’ve helpedme segue nicely intomy next pointaboutrelationshipbuildingwithinthehome.”

“Ihave?”“You have. To really deepen your human connections and begin to

consistently touch the hearts of your family so that your entire home lifeimproves,youmustbecomewhatIcallanAggressiveListener.”

“But isn’t your whole message that we have to take a softer, morecompassionateapproachtohumanrelationshipsifwewanttostrengthenthem?What’s all this about being more aggressive, Julian? I’m tired of beingaggressive.I’mtiredofdrivinghardalldaylongandpushingpeoplerelentlessly.That’sallIdidwhenIworkeddowntown.”

“I’m not suggesting that you go back to those old patterns of action,Catherine.Thatwasyourformerself.Stopevenviewingyourselfinthoseterms.Startlivingoutofyourimagination,notyourmemory.”

“Ooh,Ilikethatphrase,Julian.That’sagoodone.”Julianpressedforwardwithhis teaching.“AggressiveListening isn’tabout

beingamoreaggressiveperson.It’sallaboutbeingamorecommittedlistener.Too many people in this fast-paced age think that listening involves nothingmorethanwaitinguntiltheotherpersonhasfinishedspeakingbeforetheyjumpin.Becomingamasterfullistenerisalostskillinthesetimesofoverscheduledliving,andyetitisanessentialwaytobuildtrustwithyourfamily.Itwillenrichyour home culture inways you cannot begin to imagine.You see, one of thedeepestofalltheHumanHungers…”

“What’saHumanHunger?”Iinterjected.“Weallhavea seriesof corehumanneeds.The sagescalled themHuman

Hungersandhad taken the time todefine themall.Soas Iwassaying,weall

havetheseHumanHungers—suchastheneedtoactualizeourtalents,theneedfor loveandcommunity, theneed to feelwearegrowingand learningand theneedtofeel thatwearecontributingtothelivesofothersaswejourneyalongthepathoflife.AnotheroftheHumanHungersistheneedtobecherishedandunderstood.Weallhaveadeepneedtobelistenedtoandtofeelthatourwordshave beenheard by thosewe are speaking to.WhenyouListenAggressively,youfocuseveryounceofyourattentiononthewordstheotherpartyisofferingtoyouand listenwithgreat empathyandcare.This, in turn, sendsapowerfulsignaltothepersonspeakingthatyourespect,valueandareinterestedinwhattheyaresaying.Andthatincreasesthetrustlevelwithintherelationship.”

“Iguessitgoesbacktowhatyouweresayingaboutpeoplenotlendingyouahanduntilyoutouchtheirhearts.Aggressivelylisteningseemslikeanexcellentwaytoreallyconnectwithsomeone’sheart.”

“Yes it is, Catherine. There are few gifts on this planet as precious as theabilitytolistencompletelytothepersonyouarewith,inawaythatshowshimthatheiscompletelyunderstood.It’soneofthoserareactsofhumanitythatweneverseemtogetaroundtopracticing.Andwiththegreaterunderstandingthatdeeplisteningpromotes,thisworldwouldbeafarbetterplace.Understandingisthebuildingblockoflove.TakePorter,forexample.Whilehe’sonlysixyearsold, I know for a fact that he loves it when you give him your undividedattention.Thatmeanswhenheistellingyouabouthisdayatschoolandwhathedidwithhisbuddiesintheschoolyard,youaretherenotonlyinbodybutalsoinmind.You are concentratingonhiswords completely, even thoughyoumightfeel exhausted or be facing a crisis at work. And I know this can be hard attimes,butthemoreyoupracticefocusingontheconversationandblockingoutalldistractions, thebetteryouwillgetat it.Listening isa skill tobemasteredratherthanatalentyouarebornwith.Themoreyoudoit,thebetteryougetatit.”

“You’re right. Porter’s eyes light up when I ask him questions about thethingsheispassionateaboutandthensimplylistentohisanswersinasincereandlovingway.Iknowitmakeshimfeelimportant.”

“Andunderstood,”Julianadded.“Andunderstood,”Irepeated.“Anythingelse?”“Justonefinalpointofwisdom,Catherine,andI’llbequickbecauseIknow

I’vegivenyoualottothinkaboutthismorning.”“BelievemeJulian,I’mlovingthisknowledge.Keepitflowing.”“Okay.ThefinalelementoftheSecondMasteryoftheFamilyLeaderisto

becomefanaticallyhonest.”“Whichmeans?”“Whichmeansthatnomatterhowharditfeelstospeakthetruthinagiven

situationandhowdifficultitistoletyourtruethoughtsshinethrough,behonest.Saywhatyoumeantosay.”

“Speak my truth?” I suggested, echoing Julian’s words from a previouslesson.

“Ohyou’regood,littlesister.Exactly.NowIshouldalsoclarifythatinbeingfanaticallyhonest I’mnot suggesting thatyoube soblunt thatyouoffendandinsult people. My message is different. Being fanatically honest kind of getsback towhat Iwas telling you earlier—it’s about beingmeticulouswith yourword. Don’t treat your words lightly. They are powerful. When you sayanything,makecertainyoumeanit.WhenyoufeelstronglyaboutsomethinginasituationwithJon,forexample,expressit.Dispensewithallflatteryandfluffandgetdowntothetruthinallyourconversations.”

“Whateffectdoesbecomingfanaticallyhonesthave?”Iwondered.“Avery dramatic one,” responded Julian. “Like the kind of effect keeping

yourpromisesandfollowingthroughonyourcommitmentshas.Itdeepensthetrustpeoplehaveinyou.Theyknowthatwhenyousaysomething,it’struthful.Yougainimmenserespectintheireyesandyougrowinpowerasahumanbeingwhenyou speak the truth in all circumstances.People knowwhereyou stand,and there is no longer anything fake about you. All of the superficiality thatdecoratesmostofourcharactersisstrippedawayandwebecomenakedinourhumanity. And that’s powerful, Catherine, really powerful. You becomemorethanjustanindividualperson.Yourisetothelevelofaforceofnatureandyouliberate thisauraaroundyou.Believeme,peoplecansense thisstrengthaboutyou.”

“Didthesageshavethispower?”“Inextraordinaryamounts,”notedJulian,lookingupatthesky.“That’sone

ofthethingsIremembermostaboutthoselovingteachers.Eachandeveryoneofthemwasdeeplydevotedtothetruth,notjustintheirspeechbutwithintheirthoughts.MakesmethinkofthewordsofthatgreatRomanphilosopherSeneca,whowrote:‘Iwillgovernmylifeandthoughtsasifthewholeworldweretoseetheoneandreadtheother.’”

“Ijustgotgoosebumpsfromthatphrase,”Iremarked.“Prettystrongwords,aren’tthey,”observedJulian.“Andthesageslivedby

that philosophy. Really devoted to the truth. As a consequence, they had this

almostmagicalinfluenceoverme.Speakingthetruthandbecomingfanaticallyhonestwillleadtoprofoundimprovementinyourhomelife,Catherine.”

“Andinmybusinesslifetoo,I’msure.”“Verywellsaid.Inanagewherepeoplelieallthetime,believingitwillget

themahead,youwillstandfarandabovethecrowdasabeaconofintegrity.Andbelieveme,littlesister, integrityanddecencywillgiveyouacompetitiveedgefarmorepowerfulthananyofthelatestbusinessprocesseswouldeverbeabletoprovide.”

“Iguessweneedtoshowleadershipinallareasofourlives.ItremindsmeofwhatMahatmaGandhioncesaid:‘Onecannotdorightinonedepartmentoflife whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in another. Life is one indivisiblewhole.’Withalltheselessonsyouaregivingme,I’mstartingtoseehowalltheleadership principles that executives need to use to build great businesses areequallyapplicablewithinthecontextofthehomeandviceversa.Iknowyou’vebeentellingmethisformonths,butnowit’sreallybecomingclear.Andyou’resoright:leadershipisnotthesoledomainoftheCEO.Practicingleadershipbyseeingmyselfasabuilderoftrustandadeveloperofpeoplewilldowondersforallmyrelationships,atworkandathome.”

“You’vegot itnow,”saidJulian,walkingoutonto thesprawlingpatio thatoverlooked the shimmering lake. Sunlight danced off the waves, creating adazzling effect. Julian reached into the single pocket of his robe, pulled out apairofsunglassesandputthemon.Helookedhilarious.“Coolshades,brother,”Iteased.

“My eyes can’t stand the glare,” Julian replied. “Speaking of eyes, littlesister,Iwanttoshareapoemwithyou.”Julianthenreachedintohispocketandpulledoutanivory-coloredpieceofpaperthatlookedbothdelicateandancient.Beforehereadthewordsetchedonit,hespoke.

“Youaretheauthorofyourchildren’sdays.”IwastakenabackbyJulian’sstatement.AlthoughIdidnotfullyunderstand

it,Ifeltithadspecialmeaningandwasrichinwisdom.Iremainedsilent.“The actions you take and the habits youmake as you pass through your

dayswillinfluencePorterandSaritafortherestoftheirlives.Yourconductasaparentdefinesthedaysofyourchildren.Yourbehaviorwillhaveaninfluenceonthemeveryday,aslongastheylive.Alleyesareonyou,Catherine.Neverforgetthat,” he stated somberly as he handed me the piece of paper that had beenhidden in his robe like some buried treasure. Thewords on the paper read asfollows:

Therearelittleeyesuponyouandthey’rewatchingnightandday.Therearelittleearsthatquicklytakeineverywordyousay.Therearelittlehandsalleagertodoanythingyoudo;Andalittlechildwho’sdreamingofthedayhe’llbelikeyou.

You’rethelittlefellow’sidol;You’rethewisestofthewise.Inhislittlemindaboutyounosuspicionseverrise.Hebelievesinyoudevoutly,holdsallthatyousayanddo;Hewillsayanddoinyourwaywhenhe’sgrownupjustasyou.

There’sawide-eyedlittlefellowwhobelievesyou’realwaysright;Andhiseyesarealwaysopened,andhewatchesdayandnight.Youaresettinganexample,everydayinallyoudo,forthelittlechildwho’swaiting,togrowuptobelikeyou.

Anonymous

TearsstreameddownmyfaceasIfinishedreadingthepoem.IwasdeeplymovedbywhatIhadjustreadandthedepthofthesentimentexpressedinthosewords.Julianwassorightwhenhesaid“wordshavepower”andthatIhadtochooseminewithcare.Atthatmoment,Ibegantofeelthatbeingaleaderwithinmyfamilyandbecomingaworld-classparentwasanoble thing todo.Maybehavingthecouragetobeagreatparentandafamilyleaderwasactuallyaheroicthingtodo.

Allthosefathersandmotherswhotakethetimetoreadtotheirchildrenafteralongdayatworkandabusynightdoingchoresareheroesinasense.Allthosesingle parents who step up to the plate in difficult circumstances and turnadversity intoopportunityby transforming theirhomes intoplacesof learning,

leadershipandloveforthebenefitoftheirkidsmustbeseenasheroesofsomesort.Allofthosepeoplewhoconsciouslydecidetogivetheverybestthattheyhave to give as human beings to their children, nomatter how tough it is forthemtodoso,needtobehonored,respectedandperhapsevenrevered.

When we were growing up, Julian had once told me that I had onefundamentalchoiceinmylife:IcouldcursethedarknessorIcouldbetheonetolight a candle.Recently I cameacross a saying from the ancient thinkerPlatothatspoketothisverysentiment:“Wecaneasilyforgiveachildwhoisafraidofthe dark; the real tragedy of life is when adults grow afraid of the light.” Irealized that showing leadership inmyhomemademea light,perhaps for thefirsttimeinmylife.Itmademeanobleperson.Itmademeabiggerperson.Anditmademeahero.At thatmoment, standing in the sun-soakedpatio that hadseensomanywonderfultimesoffamily,itdawnedonmethattheactofraisingmy twowonderful children intodecent, caringand strongadultswouldbe thebestworkIcouldeverhopetodo.Andthatrealizationopenedmyheartasithadneverbeenopenedbefore.

IlookeduptothankJulian,buthewasnowhereinsight.Ifeltcompletelyalone.Isurveyedthelivingroomandthenthekitchen,butnoJulian.Iwalkedoutontothevastfrontlawn—itwasstillwetfromthecoolmorningdewofamiraculousspringday—buttherewasnosignofmybrotherthereeither.Igrewworried.IthenlookedoutoverthelakeandwasstunnedbywhatIsaw.There,halfwaytothebuoythatfloatedinthemiddleofthewater,wasJulian.Hehadlefthisrobeontheshoreandwasswimmingwildly,thewayheusedtoswimasayoungboywhenschoolhad justendedandwedroveup to this lake for the first swimofsummer.As I lookedmoreclosely, I could see abroad smileon Julian’s face.AndasIlistenedmoreintently,Icouldhearhimsingingsomething.Itwasthesongmymotherusedtosingtousaschildrenaswedriftedofftosleep.

TheThirdMasteryoftheFamilyLeader

FocusYourChildonGreatness,NotWeakness

Farawaythereinthesunshinearemyhighestaspirations.Imaynotreachthem,butIcanlookupandseetheirbeauty,believeinthemandtrytofollowthem.

LouisaMayAlcott

Thegreatestdangerformostofusisnotthatouraimistoohighandwemissitbutthatouraimistoolowandwereachit.

Michelangelo

The rain beat down on the roof of my car as I pulled into the undergroundparkinglot thatwouldleadmeuptotheNationalMuseumofArtandHistory,where Julianhad askedme tomeet himon this drizzly afternoon. It hadbeenexactlytwoweekssincewehadspentthedayatthecottage,andthelessonsthathehadsharedhadalreadyledtosomeremarkablebreakthroughsinmyroleasaparent—and in my conduct as a person. The human wiring that had alwaysdeterminedmythoughtprocesseshadbeguntobereconfiguredasnewattitudes,outlooks and insights began to govern my days. I had become even morepositive within our home and even happier with the way our lives wereunfolding.

WiththeleadershipthatIwasshowingtothekidsandthenewfoundloveIwasgivingtoJon,ourfamilylifetookonanalmostspiritualqualitythatpushedit into awhole new dimension.My guesswas that as the human connectionsdeepened, personal gifts that had slumbered within us rose invisibly to thesurface. As our home became a place where respect, trust and truth werehonored,eachoneofusgrewfreertoshowthefeelingsandtalentsthatmadeusspecial.

IhadrecentlyreadaboutastudyperformedbyresearchersattheUniversityofNebraskaonwhatmakesthehappiestfamiliesintheworldsohappy.Thestudyrevealedanumberofcommontraits.First,thehappiestfamilieswerecommittedtomaking their family life their primary priority. To use Julian’s words, theyrecognizedthat“LeadershipinLifeBeginswithLeadershipatHome.”Second,themembersof thesefamilieswereopenlyaffectionatewitheachother.AgainJulianhadhitthenailontheheadwithhisadviceabout“humanmoments”andtheimportanceofcompassionwithinthefamilyculture.Third,researchersfoundthat thehappiest of families all shared ahealthy respect for the importanceofpositivecommunication.JustasJulianhadadvisedme, thesefamiliesbelievedthatlisteningandlotsofhonestfamilydiscussionswereessential.Andfourth,itwasdiscovered that thesepeak-performingfamiliesspent lotsof timetogether.As Julianhad said, it’s not just quality time that is importantwhenbuilding arichlyrewardingfamilylife.Therightquantityhastobeinplaceaswell.

The study also found thatmarital happiness could play a large part in theoverallhappinessofthefamily.Whentherelationshipbetweentheparentswaslovingandbuiltuponmutualrespect,thefamilyunitwasoftenmorelovingasawhole,andeachmembershowedgreaterrespectforoneanother’sneeds.Whenthecouplegotalongwell,thefamilyasawholegotalongwell.

But as I read more and more about successful families, prompted by theinspirationthatJulianhadgiventomeoverhisdayswithus,Icametorealizethat themakeupofcontemporaryfamilieshaschangedgreatly.Ireadofsinglefathersmakingsplendidparentsandraisingfinechildren.Ilearnedofdedicatedsinglemotherswhowouldholddownbusy jobsduring thedayandthencomehomeatnighttocreatewonderfulhomeenvironmentsfortheirchildreninspiteof the fact that their bodies ached and their feet hurt. I found that growingnumbersofgrandparentswere,forawidevarietyofreasons,becomingprimarycaregivers for their grandkids, and doing extraordinarilywell in the process. Ihad the chance to reconnectwithoneofmybusiness school chums, awomanwho had just undergone a painful divorce and was raising her three youngchildrenalone,discovering in theprocess thateven thoughherhourswerefullandthedemandsonherweremany,shehadneverbeenmorefulfilledinallherlife.

As I dug deeper and became more aware of this organization of humanbeingswecall the family, I realized that this time-honored institution isgoingthrough the same dramatic change being experienced by every otherorganization on the planet. The traditional two-parent model, with the man

working outside the home and thewomanworkingwithin it, is no longer thenorm.ThemoreIlookedandthewiderIopenedmyeyes,themoreIbegantonoticestay-at-homefathersgroceryshoppingwiththeirkidsinthemiddleoftheafternoon. Ibecamemoreawareofotherhard-drivingwomenexecutiveswho,likeme,haddecidedtomovetheirofficesintotheirhomes,andfast-trackfatherswhohaddecided to takea fewyearsoff to raise their children. I sawblendedfamiliesthatweretheenvyoftheirneighborhoodsandintergenerationalfamilieswhere dinnertimes saw children, their parents and their grandparents sittingaroundthetable,withmuchlaughterandloveinbetween.Thebignewsofourdaywasn’tjusttheriseoftheNewEconomyfueledbyhigh-techcompaniesanda new business culture.We also had to take into account the rise of theNewFamily—with all its permutations and non-traditional configurations—that, Idiscovered,israpidlyreshapingourhumanculture.

Ridinguptheelevatorfromtheparkadetothemuseum,mythoughtsdriftedtomyownparents.Myfatherhadbeenagiftedmanwhoseambitionhadtakenhimtothepinnacleofthelegalworldandwhosebighearthadmadehimtopsinmyown.Mymotherwasabrilliantwriterwholovedtheartsnearlyasmuchasshelovedherchildren.Growingup, Ihadalways felt that Julianwasher favorite,thoughinherfinalyearssheletmeknowthatthishadneverbeenthecase.ShelovedusbothwithequalintensityandthoughJulianrarelyspokeofher,IknewhemissedherasmuchasIdid.Someoneoncetoldmethat“asyouraiseyourchildren, so you raise your generations.” I had been fortunate enough to havetwogreatparentswho,Inowrecognized,showedgreatleadershipathome.Theygavetheirgenerationalovelyheadstart,Ithought.

As thedoorsopened, Iwalked into themainhallof themuseum. Ialwaysloved coming to this placewith its breathtaking Picassos and its spellbindingstatues.Thesedays,ItriedtobringPorterandSaritahereonasmanyweekendsasIcould.Jonwouldmeetupwithusafterexercisingatthegym—anewhabithehadadoptedaspartofouroverallplantolivericherlivesandbebetterrolemodelsforourchildren.Ifeltthatitwasimportanttogivethechildrenahealthyappreciationoftheartsandtoexposethemtoasmanyofthegreatcreationsofhumankind that it was in my power to introduce them to. I knew it wouldeventuallyhaveapositiveeffect.

JulianhadaskedmetomeethimintheMichelangeloRoom.Iknewhehadbeendoingalotofreadingonthelifeofthisgreatartistandrespectedhimfor

thecommitmenttoexcellenceheshowedinhiscraft.Ienteredtheroom,lookingfor a tall, strikingly handsome man in a dazzling red robe, but Julian wasnowhere to be found. The only company I hadwas a small group of touristsbeingledonatourbyatourguide.Idecidedtositdownonthewoodenbenchand take in the sights while I waited for my brother. Part of the process ofsimplifyingmy life involvedbreakingmy lifelonghabitof feeling theneed tofill every waking moment with frenzied action. I had begun to get morecomfortable with taking some time for myself just to take in life’s basic butbeautifulmoments—like thewaya spider’swebglistenedafter a rainstormorthewaythestarsdancedintheskyonaquiet,cloudlessnight.Sometimes,Jonwouldencouragemetotakeanhourformyselftobrowsethroughthewonderfulsecondhandbookstorethatwaswithinwalkingdistanceofourhomeortoretreattothepublicgardensthatourplacebackedonto.

I came to love these quietermoments of life just asmuch as I adored thenoisy, playful times with my family. Emerson said, “Without the rich heart,wealth is an ugly beggar.” In all those years that I pursued and accumulatedmountainsofmoney,Ihadneverhadarichheart.WithalltheinnerworkIwasnowdoing,arichhearthadfinallybeguntobeatwithinme.

AsIglancedat themarblestatues in theroom,Istarted listening inon thetour guide’s explanations. Iwas struckby the depth of his knowledge andhisobviouspassionforthemasterpiecesthatthemuseumhoused.Iwasalsoalittlesurprised at what he was wearing. While he had on the traditional guide’suniform of awhite shirt and a black tiewithmatching trousers, an oversizedbaseballcapcoveredthebetterpartofhisheadandwhiteflapskeptmostofhisfaceoutofview.I’dseencollegestudentswearingcapslikethisonspringbreakinFloridatoprotectthemselvesfromsunstrokeastheyconsumedbarrelsofbeerwhilerelaxingonthebeach.Ithoughtthetourguidelookedoddbutnooneelseseemedtonoticetheinappropriatenessofhisattire.Perhapsthetouriststhoughthewasdressednormallyforaguideandplannedtobuyahatlikehisoncethetourwasover.

Theguide continued to speak and the tourists continued to listendutifully.Notoneofthemaskedaquestion.Then,inthemiddleofasentence,theguidedidsomething thatmademe laugh.Hereached intohispantsandpulledoutajumbo-sizedhotdogthathehadsqueezedintohispocket.Ashemunchedonit,he had the audacity to continue his lecture aboutMichelangelo’swork and itsimpact—foodflyingfromhismouthallthewhile.

Suddenlyanelderlywomanfromthebackofthegrouppulledoutabottleof

Dijonmustard from her purse along with a spoon and walked up to the tourguide.Withoutevenspeakingtohim,shebegantolavishlyspreadmustardoverthehotdog.Theguidedidnot sayawordand thecrowddidn’t even seem tonotice.Afterperformingthisactofservice,thewomanreturnedtoherplaceinthecrowdandtheguidecontinuedhispresentation,polishingoffhishotdogashewent.Thewholesceneseemedsurreal—likesomethingoutofaweirdmoviethatyou’dwatchinblack-and-whiteinthemiddleofthemorningwhentherestof theworldwas asleep. But I thought it would be best if Imindedmy ownbusiness.IprayedJulianwouldshowupsoon.

“Allgreatsculptorsenvisiontheirworksofartbeforetheyevenpickuptheirknives,”thetourguidecontinued,mustarddrippingfromhislowerlip.“Yousee,ladiesandgentlemen, all things in life are created twice: firstwhenwedreamthemandthenwhenwecreatethem.”

“Hey, thisguy’sprettygood,” I thought.“Nowonder themuseumletshimdressthewayhedressesanddothethingshedoes.”

“Inyourownlife,”headded,pullingagranolabarfromtheotherpocketofhispantsandbeginningtochomponit,“youmustcreateacompellingvisiononthepicturescreenofyourimaginationandthenliveoutthisideal.”

“Hey,waitaminute!”Isaidoutloud,unabletocontainmyself.“I’veheardthosewords before. And come to think of it, I’ve heard that voice before,” Iexclaimed,beginningtoputthepiecesofthisweirdpuzzletogether.“Thiswholesceneisfartoobizarretobereal.Itmakesmewonderifthisissomekindofaprank,achildish littleprankput togetherbyachildishbigbrotherwho’sbeenplayingthesekindsofpracticaljokesonpeopleeversincehewasakid.”

The entire roomwas silent.The touristswere aghast. Finally, one of themspoke.Itwasthemustardlady.

“Ibegyourpardon,madam,”sheasked,lookingstraightintomyeyes,“butwhattheheckareyoutalkingabout?”

“Thiswholethingisajoke,isn’t it?”Ipersisted.“Juliancalledmeuphereandyouareallprobablypeopleheknowsposingas tourists.Right? I’mon toyouall.Thesurprise isover.Nice job, though—youhadmegoingforawhilethere,”Isaid,clappingmyhandsforeffectandforcingafeargrin.

Theroomremainedsilent.Thentheguidespoke.“I’d better call security. We might have a little problem here, ladies and

gentlemen,”heremarkedashereachedforaredphonethatsatonthewallamidthestatues.

I became nervous, starting to doubt myself. Maybe this wasn’t one of

Julian’s famous gags after all. My goodness, I thought, what if these peoplereally are tourists and this guide is legitimate? Beads of sweat began tocongregate in the pits of my arms. My breathing started to quicken. TheMichelangeloRoomwasbeginningtofeelextremelyhot.ThenIcaughtmyselfandhadthecouragetolistentothestill,smallvoicewithinmethatwastellingmethatJulianhadsomeparttoplayinthisoddspectacle.Ihadtoberightaboutthisone.

Withconfidencerenewed,Imarchedovertothetourguideandrippedoffhishat.Thecrowdlookedhorrified.Istartedtolaugh.Sureenough,itwasJulian.

“Hey, little sister, can’t aman eat a hot dog in peace anymore?” he said,beforebeginningtohowlwithlaughter.The“tourists”allfollowed,eruptingintoguffawsandhigh-fivingJulian.

“We fooled her, Mr. Mantle,” yelled the mustard lady. “We really fooledher!”

Julian reached over and gave me a bear hug, squeezing me tightly as hecontinuedtolaugh.“Wereallyhadyougoingforawhilethere,”hewhisperedinmyear.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said to the group, imitating a thespian of theEnglishstage,“Igiveyoumylittlesister,Catherine.”

Thecrowdroared,clappingwildly,clearlydelightedattheshowJulianhadputon.

“Thanksforhelpingmeouttoday,gang,”Juliansaidwithgreatwarmth.“Whoareallthesepeople?”Iaskedmybrother.“Thesefinepeopleareallactors.TheybelongtotheFern-brookSociety.”“You mean that troupe of actors that wins all those major awards every

year?”Iwondered.“Yes.They’reprettygreat,aren’tthey?IwonabigcaseforthemwhenIwas

practicing law—one of theHollywood studios tried to steal one of their ideasanduseitinamovie.Idecidedtocallinthefavorthisafternoon.”

“Anytime, Mr. Mantle,” the mustard lady, obviously the group’s leader,repliedgraciously.

Astheactorsstreamedoutoftheroom,theyshookJulian’shandandpattedhim on the back, appearing to accord him tremendous respect.Within a fewmoments,theroomwasemptybutforJulianandI.

“I’vegottohandittoyou,Julian.You’restillashowman.”“Thanks, Catherine,” replied Julian with a big smile. “We all need to let

looseonceinawhile.”

“Hey,whataboutyourrobe?ThisisthefirsttimeI’veseenyouwithoutit.”“It’satthedrycleaners,”Julianlaughed,hisfacealightwithpositiveenergy.“Okay, sowhy are we here?” I asked, getting down to business. “I know

there’sgottobemoretothismeetingthanthatpracticaljokeyoujustpulledonme.Bytheway,youreallygotmyheartbeatingonthatone.You’vepulledsomefastonesonme,butthat’sgottobeoneofthebest.”

“Yeah,itwasprettyfunny,wasn’tit,”notedJulian,stillchuckling.“Thanksforbeingsuchagreatsport.Well,you’rerightCatherine,there’sanotherlessonIwant to share with you today. It’s actually the Third Mastery of the FamilyLeaderandit’scertainlyoneofthemostimportant.”

“AndtheThirdMasteryis?”Iaskedexpectantly.“The Third Mastery of the Family Leader is to Focus Your Child on

Greatness,NotWeakness.”“Wow,thatsoundslikeanothergoodone.”“And essential for the development of your children into leaders and

effectivehumanbeings.TheThirdMasteryisallaboutrecognizingPorter’sandSarita’sstrengthsandconcentratingonthesetalentssotheyexpandandevolve.Yousee,Catherine,mostpeoplespendmoretimefocusingontheirweaknessesthan developing their strengths. And as a result of this, most people neverconnectwiththegreatnessthatitistheirdutytodiscover.”

“Doeseveryonehavethepotentialforgreatnessintheirlife?”“Everyone,” came theunequivocal reply. “As I toldyouearlier,we are all

here on this planet for some special reason.We all have something special togivetotheworld,inourownuniqueway.Yourjobasaparentistocultivatethespecial strengths and top talents of your children so they shine as people andmakethedifferencetheyareheretomake.”

“Youknow,Julian,whatyouaresayingmakesperfectsense.I’vefoundthatinbusiness,forexample,Iusedtotryandbeajackofalltrades.Itriedtobeagreatcommunicatorandabrilliantadministrator.Itriedtobeavisionaryleaderandanexcellentcomptroller.ItriedtobegoodateverythingwithinthecompanyandtheresultwasthatIwasamasterofnothing.”

“Exactly—it’s almost as if you were successful in spite of yourself,Catherine. Butmost people are not so fortunate.Most people try to focus ondoing too many things and end up being good at none. The real key is tospecialize.”

“Specialize?”“Yes,tobecomeaneffectiveleaderandapeakperformerontheplayingfield

oflife,youcannotbeageneralist,tryingtobeallthingstoallpeople.Allofthegeniuseswhohavegracedthisplanetbeforeushadonethingincommon—theyconcentrated their lives on cultivating the gifts that made them special. TakeEinstein for example. He had the good sense to figure out that he had aremarkableaptitudeforphysics,andthenspenttherestofhis liferefiningthatgift.Hedidnotmoveintothefieldsofbiologyorchemistry.Hespecializedinhiscorecompetency.Andbecausehestayedwithwhathedidbestanddedicatedyears and years to this mastery, a point eventually came when he achievedgreatnessasahumanbeing.”

“Anyotherexamplescometomind,Julian?”“Well,Iknowyouusedtoloverockmusicsohowaboutthemostbrilliant

guitar player of all time—Jimi Hendrix. Jimi figured out that he had anextraordinaryabilitytoplaytheguitar.Soratherthanalsotryingtobecomegoodat playing the drums and the trumpet, he dedicated—no, devoted—himself tomasteringhisgift.Fortheremainingyearsofhislife,mostofhiswakingtimewas spent on the development of this passion. As with Einstein, a timeeventuallyarrivedwhenheachivedgreatness.”

“Buthaven’tyoubeenteachingmeallalongthatabalancedapproachtolifeis important? Imean, this kind of devotion to the development of our humangifts sounds fairly extreme to me,” I said earnestly, deeply engaged by theconceptJulianwassharingwithme.

“Excellentpoint,Catherine.Yourintellectcontinuallyimpressesme.ButifImaymakeasuggestion.”

“Sure.”“Begintolistentoyourheartmore.Yousee,theintellectonlythinksbutthe

heartalwaysknows.”“Whatdoesthatmean?”“Most people spend toomuch time thinking and not enough time feeling.

Start listening to your heartmore. Begin to connectwith the innerwisdom itcarries.Whenyou listen to that small voice that resides deepwithin you, youwill know the right way to live. Yes, many geniuses have lives that can becharacterizedasextreme.Icertainlybelievethatweshouldallstriveforbalanceandplayandpeaceinlife.Butattheendoftheday,weeachhaveadestinythathas been laid out for us. For Einstein and Hendrix, their paths required deepdevotion to their personal gifts. For most people, a simple dedication to therefinement of their highest talents will bring them the success they deserve.Reachdeepintoyourhearttofindoutwhatyourpathrequiresyoutodo.”

“IalreadyknowwhatIamrequiredtodo,Julian.I’malmostcertainthatmypath,atleastfortheforeseeablefuture,callsformetodedicatemyselftobeingan inspirational parent to Porter andSarita and helping themgrow into adultswhoarewise,decent,strongandsuccessful.Mycareerremainsimportanttome,butI’veachievedmoreinthepastfewyearsthanmostpeoplewillachieveinalifetime—andIfeelblessedforthat.NowIfeelitstimeImakemychildrenmyconsumingoccupation.”

“Iknowthatisthepathyoumustfollow,”repliedJulian.“AndI’veknownitforquitesometime,”headdedmysteriously.“Andthat’swhytheThirdMasteryoftheFamilyLeaderissoimportantforyou.YoumustfocusPorterandSaritaonreachingforgreatnessintheirlivesratherthanlettingthembeconsumedbytheirweaknesses.Oneofyourhighestdutiesasafamily leader is to leadyourchildrentoanappreciationoftheircorecompetencies—whatthesagescalledaperson’s‘specialstrengths’andtheir‘truetalents.’Thenyoumustinspirethemtokindlethesesparksintoroaringfiresthatwillblazebrilliantlyforalltheworldtosee.”

“ButexpectingPorterandSaritatobeasbrilliantandfamousasEinsteinorJimiHendrix orMichelangelo is placing a little toomuch on their shoulders,isn’tit?Imean,thatwouldalmostbesettingthemupforfailure.Idon’tthinkI’dwanttoputthatkindofpressureonanyone.”

“You’remissingmypoint,Catherine,”notedJulianlovingly.“I’mnotsayingthatyouneedtoraiseyourkidstobecomethebestintheworldatwhattheydoandin thewaythey live. I’msimplysaying that theymustbecomeinspired tobecomethebestthattheycanbe.Youneedtoleadthemtorealizetheirhighestpersonaltalentsandlivetheirbestlives.Indoingso,youwillhavefulfilledyourmandateasaparent.”

“Thesagestaughtyouthat?”“I toldyou,Catherine, thesepeoplewereunbelievable thinkers.Andreally

progressive human beings, I might add. They did not believe that deepfulfillment in life came throughmeditating on the top of a mountain all day.While theybelieved,ofcourse, thatweshouldcarveout timedailyforsilenceand reflection, the sages of Sivana believed that true success came throughliberatingourhumanpotentialandactualizingourhighesttalentsforthegreatergood.Theybelievedthattheultimatepuposeoflifewastomanifestourhighesttalentsinawaythataddedvaluetotheworldandmadeitabetterplacetobe.Itmakesme think of thewords ofAlbert Schweitzer:At that point in your lifewhereyourtalentmeetstheneedsoftheuniverse,that’swhereGodwantsyouto

be.’”“Thesesageswereremarkable,”Imutteredgently.“Theywere.Andso,takingtheirlead,Isuggestthatyoumakeitapriorityto

helpPorterandSaritadiscoverandthenrefinetheirspecialstrengthssothatoneday, theywill reach thepoint of personal greatness.Theywill be suchuniqueandextraordinaryhumanbeingsthattheywillstandhighabovethecrowd.”

“But aren’t they too young for that right now?” I asked, always thepragmatist.

“Nope,”cametheswiftresponse.“Figuringoutthespecialstrengthsandtruetalentsofyourchildrenstartsfromdayone,really.Oftenitcantakeyearsbeforeyoureallydiscoverwhattheyaretrulygiftedat.”

“OnceJonand Idiscover the special strengthsand true talentsof thekids,I’mstillnotcertainwhatthenextstepis,”Icontinued.

“Afteryoudiscover theseattributes,youshould thenhelp thekidsbecomeaware of their personalgifts so theydevelop anunderstandingofwhatmakesthemspecialashumanbeings.Fromthere,youandJonneed tomove into thecultivationstageoftheprocesswherethetalentsofthechildrenbegintobloomand see the light of day.Helping the kids cultivate their special strengths andtruesttalentsmightalsoinvolvesendingthemtoseminarsorencouragingthemtoreadbookssothattheycontinuallyimproveonthosecapacities.Buttherealkeyistoencouragethemtofocusontheiruniquegiftsasearlyaspossibleandforaslongaspossible.”

“Sothat’swhatliesattheheartoftheThirdMastery—FocusYourChildonGreatnessNotWeakness—thisimperativeforusasparentstokindlethehighestgiftsthatourchildrenpossess.”

“Yup,”repliedJulianinarelaxedtone.“Andthat’swhyIaskedyoutocometothisroomtoday—theMichelangeloRoom.Hewasquiteanimpressiveman,I’vediscovered.”

“Don’ttellmethatthesagestaughtyouallyouknowaboutMichelangelo?”“No, I actually learned about this man’s extraordinary talents onmy own

through reading. And one of his organizing principles as an artist was hisrealizationthatmanymagnificentmasterpiecesbeganasrawblocksofmarble.Butthroughdailycarvingandsculptingwithasteadyhandandadedicatedeye,throughendlessindustryandtoil,thisrawmaterialcouldevolveintoasighttobehold,atrueworkofart.”

“Atruewonderoftheworld,”Iadded.“Right.Michelangelooncesaidthat‘Themarblenotyetcarvedcanholdthe

formofeverythoughtthegreatestartisthas.’Buttherealkeytohisgreatness,Ibelieve,”observedJulian,“washisremarkablecapacitytoexecuteonhisvision.Hewasamanofaction.Herecognizedthatitisnotenoughtodreambigdreamsand to thinkgreat thoughts.Theheartof lifemastery lies indoingwhatever ittakestobringthedreamtolife.”

“It’sjustlikeyouweresayingearlier—everythingbeginsasavision;thenitfallstothedreamertomakeitallhappen.”

“Yes,Catherine.Andthissamethinkingneedstobeappliedtoyourroleasaparent. Your children are like blocks of marble, raw in talent and rich inpotential. But youmust be like a great artist, sculpting, shaping and definingthemthroughtheleadershipthatyoushow.”

“Sothattheycanthenleadthelivestheyaredestinedtolive.”“Correct.Sothattheycanlivetheirbestlives.”“Sowhatkindsofpracticaltoolsandstrategiesdoyouhaveinstoreforme

today,bigbrother?”“Fourinparticular.ThesagescalledtheseTheFourDisciplinesofPersonal

Greatness.And simply stated, they are: envisiondaily, set goalsweekly,walkwithgiantsregularlyandgivegraciously.”

“Theysoundintriguing.Wasitonlythechildrenofthesageswhopracticedthesefourdisciplines?”

“No,Catherine,everyoneinthecommunitylivedbythesefourvirtues.Theyfelt that if they did, theywould be certain to keep evolving on a daily basis.Eventuallytheywouldcometoknowthemselves.”

“I’m not quite sure I follow you, Julian. Are you saying that theseextraordinarilyenlightenedpeopledidn’tevenknowwho theywere? I’mabitconfused.”

“All of life is nothingmore than a quest,” came the reply after aminute’ssilentreflection.“Enlightenedpeopleknowthatthewholepurposeofthegameistospendyourlifetryingtodiscoverwhoyoureallyareandwhatyourmainaimin life is tobe.Thewholeobjective is todiscoverand thenmanifestyourEssentialSelf.”

“Soyou’re saying the purpose in life is to discover our ‘special strengths’and‘truetalents’?”Iaskedearnestly.

“That and somuchmore.Discovering thegifts thatmakeyouuniqueas ahumanbeingisonlypartofit.Ultimately,thegameoflifeisaninnergame,onethat is played between the ears.Deep fulfillment in life does not come fromaccumulatingobjectsbutfromactualizingourselves.Lifeisn’taboutcollecting

nice objects, although there’s nothing wrong with having them. But materialpursuits shouldn’t be the main purpose that drives your days. If it is, if yousacrifice time with your family and time developing yourself for time spentchasing objects, one day youwill end up in a very sad state. See, Catherine,throughmyownstrugglesandsetbacksinlife,I’vecometotherealizationthathappinessinlifedoesnotcomefromgetting,itcomesfrombeing.”

“Canyouelaborateonthatalittlemoreplease?Actually,I’vebeenthinkingaboutthisissuealmostdaily.I’dloveforyoutoshedsomemorelightonitforme.”

“Sure.What I’m saying is that the real joy of life lies in peeling back thelayersoftheonion.”

“What? I asked you to shed some light on the subject, not to plunge mefurtherintodarkness,”Irepliedwithagrin.

“Human beings are like onions. In the center rests our highest selves, thepeoplethatwetrulyare.Ourprimarydutyaspeopleistodoalltheinnerworkrequired—topeelbackallthelayers—untilwediscoverourEssentialSelves—our best selves. Having the right cars, houses and clothes is completelymeaninglessifyouhaven’tyetcaughtaglimpseofthepersonwhoyoumeanttobe.So stop trying togetmore in life and try tobemore for life.That’swherelastinghappinesslies.”

“ButIthoughtyousaidthattheultimatepurposeinlifeistogive—tomakeadifferenceinthelivesofothersthroughthevaluethatweadd?”

“Splendid point.You really have been doing lots of deep thinking. I’m sopleased thatmy timewithyou is timewell spent.Yes,Catherine, theultimatepurposeof life is tomakethisworldabetterplacethroughtheliveswetouch.Thepurposeoflifereallyisalifeofpurpose.Butinordertobeinapositiontoaddrealvalue tootherpeopleandcontribute to theworldasbestasyoucan,youmustfirstcometoknowwhoyoureallyareasahumanbeing.Mostpeoplehaveno senseof theirEssentialSelvesor of the fundamentalmakeupof theircharacters.They’venevermadethetimetogetdeepintotheDNAoftheirlivesand figure out what drives them.Most of us plod through life responding towhatever the currents of the day blow our way.We never really get into thegame.Butwisepeople—trueleaders—areverydifferentinthewaytheyconductthemselves.Theymaketimeforthemselvesandtheactivitiesthatinvolvetheirinnerwork.Andbydoingthis,theycometoknowthemselves.”

“Allofthephilosophershavesaidthis,haven’tthey?”Ichimedin.“Alltheirstatementslike‘knowthyself’and‘theunexaminedlifeisnotworthliving.’”

“Exactly.Alloftheplanet’sgreatestthinkershaverealizedthatwemustdoinnerworktofigureoutwhowereallyare.Onlythencanwecreatemagnificentlives. Here, follow me. There’s something else I want to show you in themuseum.”

Julianthengrabbedmyhandandhurriedmeintoanadjacentexhibithall.Asignatitsentranceread“TheT.S.EliotCollection.”

“ThisroomcontainsmanyofT.S.Eliot’smostfamousworks.Iwasinhereearlythismorningandreadaquoteononeoftheseopenpages.It’sinhisownhandwriting!Here,readit,”Juliansaidexcitedly,pointingtoayellowedpageinanoldbookthatwasencasedinglassforprotection.Thequotationread:

Wemustnotceasefromexploration.Andtheendofallourexploringwillbetoarrivewherewebeganandtoknowtheplaceforthefirsttime.

Imarveledatthepowerofthosewords.Finally,IgotwhatJulianwassaying.Imeanfinally,Ireallygotit.Wearebornintoperfection.Everythingweneedtolivegloriouslivesisnotontheoutside.It’sontheinside.WhatJulianwastryingto tellmewas thatanyonewhospends their lifechasingmaterial things in thepursuitofsuccessissorelymisguided.Happinessdoesnotlieattheendofthatroad,miserydoes.Whatmybrotherwastellingme,inhisowninimitableway,wasthatthewaytoanextraordinarylifeliesinexploringourselves,inlearningof our greatest capacities and in understandingwhowe fundamentally are aspeople. Then, equipped with this essential knowledge, we can go out into theworldtodowhatwehavebeenwiredtodoandcreatethegoodnessthatwehavebeenplacedheretocreate.Atthatmoment,aswitchwithinmewasturnedon.Somethingdeep insideofmehad finallyclicked. I realized that formy life tochangeinafundamentalway,Ihad tochange ina fundamentalway. Ivowed,fromthedeepestrecessofmyheart,thatIwouldneveragainsacrificehoursofmy life getting the objects I wanted. I promised myself that from that dayonwards,thefocusofmylifewouldbebecomingthepersonIknewIcouldbe.

“SobacktoTheFourDisciplinesofPersonalGreatness,” Juliansaidwithhisusualenthusiasm.

“Thatwillhelpthekidslivetheirbestlives,”Iinterjected.“Believeme,Catherine,thesefourideaswillhelpyoutoo.Butyes,teaching

them to Porter and Sarita will cause profound shifts in the way they conductthemselvesandhelp themdevelop into thekindof adultswealldreamofourchildrenbecoming.Andspeakingofdreaming,I’llsegueelegantlyintothefirst

discipline—EnvisionDaily—whichisallaboutusingourcreativeimaginationtomanifestourthoughtsintoreality.”

“Soundskindofesotericforme,Julian.”“Actually, like so much of the philosophy I’ve shared with you, it’s

immenselypractical.Thedisciplineofdailyenvisioningisallaboutthepowerofvisualizationandhowwecanimprovethewaywedothingsbycreatingmentaltemplatesofthewaywewishtobeonthedrawingboardsofourimaginations.Isuggest that when you have a little time, you read a book called PeakPerformancebyCharlesGarfield,Ph.D.,thatdetailshowOlympicathletesapplythe process of visualization to gain competitive advantages they would neverhavepreviouslyenjoyed.Throughregularuseofthistechnique,theyareabletotaphiddenreservesofpotentialandperformatthehighestlevelintheirchosensport. I cannot think of even one elite athletewho does not know of and usevisualizationaspartoftheirtrainingprocess.Byseeingtheiridealresultintheirmind’s eye and rehearsing this successful outcome over and over, the internalwiring of their brains becomes predisposed tomanifesting that success duringthecompetition.”

“Amazing.”“Ittrulyis.Nowhere’smypoint:ifeveryeliteathleteusesthetechniqueof

creativeenvisioningtohelpthemperformattheirpeak,whyshouldn’twesharethispowerfultechniquewithourchildrensotheytoocanliveattheleveloftheirpotential?”

“Agreed.SohowcanIteachthistoPorterandSarita—oraretheytooyoungrightnow?”

“I know of three-year-oldswho have been effectively trained in the art ofvisualization.Hey,let’snotforgetwhothebestdreamersontheplanetare.”

“Youngkids?”“Absolutely.Watch three- or four-year-olds at play. They pretend they are

scaling Mount Everest or walking on the moon. They live out of theirimaginations and place no limits onwhat they can do or be. Teaching youngchildren visualization involves nothingmore than giving them amore formalstructureforthedreamingthattheyarealreadydoing.”

“Thatmakescompletesensetome.”“Iknewitwould.AndneverforgetwhatAristotleonceobserved:‘TheSoul

neverthinkswithoutamentalpicture.’”“Fascinating.”“Sohere’swhat I suggest you do,Catherine.Everyweek or two, take the

kidsouttothatgreatparkintheneighborhoodandsitunderneathoneofthosehugeoak trees.Ask them toclose theireyesandbreathdeeply.Thiswillhelpthemstill theirmindsandgrowmore relaxedso that the images theygeneratecantakerootmoredeeply.”

“Okay,thenwhatdoIdo?”“Well, next begin to imagine yourselves living with the new capacity or

abilityyouhopetohave.I’llgiveyouanexample.”“Great.IthinkIneedone.”“Let’ssaythatyouwantthekidstohavemorecourage—tobefearless.Once

theyareinarelaxedstatesittingunderthattree,askthemtoimaginethemselvesactinginabraveway.Maybeencouragethemtoenvisionthemselvesclimbingatallmountain.Perhapsyoucouldsuggestthattheypictureascenethathasthemstandinguptotheclassbully.Whateveritis,themainthingistoencouragethemtostartflexingtheirimaginationsandrewiringtheirbrainssothatthefearsthatareholdingthembackcometobereplacedbythestrengthsthatwillpushthemforward.”

“Could Iuse theprocessofcreativeenvisioning tohelpPorterexcelathispianolessons?”

“Ofcourse,”repliedJulian,puttinghisarmaroundmeaswewalkedintothemainhallofthemuseum.“Inhisrelaxedstate,tellhimtoimaginehimselfseatedat the piano in the living room.Get him to really believe the scene is takingplace.Themorevividthepicturehecreates,themorepowerfultheresultsthatwill follow.It’salsoessential thathebringhisemotions into thepicture.Whatgets emotionalizedgets realized.Emotionsdrive actions.He should really feelthatheisplayingthepianoandperformingatthehighestlevelheiscapableof.Gethimtoexperiencewhatitwouldbeliketoplaythoselovelypieceshehasbeenworkingonflawlessly.Encouragehimtofeelhowhewouldfeelwhenyou,JonandSaritaclapwildlyforhimashecompleteshisplayingatawholenewlevel. Allow him to connect with the happiness he will enjoy as his teacherpraisesandcongratulateshimontheremarkableabilitiesheisdisplaying.”

“Howlongshouldthisvisualizationgoonfor,Julian?”“Good question. For adults, I would almost say the longer the better. But

with the kind of busy lives most people live, a twenty-minute session ofvisualizationisfine.Forchildren,evenfiveminutescanbehelpful.Iguessthemainpointistogivethemthistool.Letthemknowthatthereisawaythattheycaneliminatetheirweaknesses,improvetheirbehaviors,conquertheirfearsandgrow intopeakperformers.Let themknow that as theygrow, there exists this

tool thatwillhelp themdealwithdifficulties,createapositive in thefaceofanegative and experience joywhere others are feeling pain. Itwill then fall ontheirshoulders,astheymature,tomasterthistechniqueandmakeitapartofthewaytheylive.”

“Okay.IthinkI’llgoontheInternetlatertonightanddownloadafewmorearticlesonvisualization.Ireallywanttolearnmoreabouttheprocessandshareallitsbenefitswiththekids.Itwillbeoneofmygoalsforthismonth.”

“Ah,againaperfectentrypointtothenextdiscipline,”laughedJulian.“Theuniversereallytakescareofthingsinsuchasplendidway.”

“Really?”“Sure.TheSecondDisciplineofPersonalGreatness is tosetgoalsweekly.

Goal setting is such an important discipline to foster within your children,Catherine.Having clearly defined goals offers somany benefits. First, settinggoalsrestoresasenseoffocusinourlives,livesthathavebecomecomplicatedbytoomanyoptions.Inthisagewelivein,therearesimplyfartoomanythingstodoatanygiventime.Therearemanydistractionscompetingforourattention.Goalsclarifyourdesiresandhelpus to focusononly thoseactivities thatwilllead us to where we want to go. I am reminded of the words of thoseextraordinary jugglers known as the FlyingKaramazovBrotherswho said: ‘Itdoesn’tmatterhowyougettherewhenyoudon’tknowwhereyou’regoing.’”

“That’sagoodone,”Iobservedwithasmile.“Setting clearly defined goals provides you with a framework for wiser

choices.Ifyouknowexactlywhereyouaregoing,itbecomesfareasiertoselectthoseactivitiesthatwillgetyouthere.Thealternativeistoletlifeactonyouandgiveyouanexistencethatyoujustdon’twant.‘Ifyoudon’tgetwhatyoulike,’notedGeorgeBernardShaw,‘thenyou’llbeforcedtolikewhatyouget.’Writingdownyourgoalsclarifiesyourintentionsand,asyouknowsowellfromallyoursuccesswithBraveLife.com,thefirststeptorealizingyourvisionisdefiningit.Essentially, settinggoalsmeans thatyourdayswillbegovernedbyyour life’smissionratherthanbyyourmoods.”

“Nicelysaid,Julian,”Iofferedencouragingly.“Anotherreasongoalsettingissoimportantisthatitkeepsyoualerttonew

opportunities. The discipline of setting and then reviewing your personal,professional,socialandspiritualgoalseveryweek—Sundaynightworksbest—almostmagnetizesyourmindtoseekoutopportunitiesfortheirfulfillment.I’vealsofoundthatbysettinggoals,Ibecomecommittedtoaveryspecificcourseofaction.Itbecomesmucheasiertoconnectwiththeinnerfirethatburnswithinus

andtoengagethewellspringofmotivationthatexistswithinallofus.WhenIset goals, my life becomes filled with the promise of a richer existence. Nomatterhowbadaperson’s lifehasbecomeatacertainmomentandnomatterhowsadanddisillusionedtheymightfeelrightnow,theycanlifttheirspiritsupandfeelsomuchbetterthroughthesimpleactoftakingoutapieceofpaperandwritingdowntheirdreamsuponit.IguessIfeelthatsettingworthygoalsisallaboutkindlingtheslumberingpassionwithinus.”

“Really?”“Really.Settingbig,juicygoalsawakensthepassionwithinus,passionthat

most of us have stifled as we have grown older and more cynical about theworld. Goal setting reconnects us to the sense of limitless possibility that weknewaschildren,anditremindsusthatwereallycanhavealmostanythingwewantinlifeifourcommitmenttoouraimsrunsdeepenough.AsSheilaGrahamsaid:‘Youcanhaveanythingyouwant ifyouwant itdesperatelyenough.Youmustwantitwithanexuberancethateruptsthroughtheskinandjoinstheenergythatcreatedtheworld.’”

“That’salovelyquote.I’dlovetoconnectwiththeenergythatcreatedthisworld,Julian.”

“Trust me, little sister, that’s exactly what you are now in the process ofdoing,”repliedJulianinamysticalway.

“Oh,anotherkeypointaboutgoalsetting is toensure thatyounever leavethesiteofagoalwithouttakingsomeactiontowardsitsadvancement.”

“Excellent point,” I offeredwith appreciation. “That’s one of the ruleswehave at BraveLife.com. If anyone comes upwith a new idea or an importantinnovation,theymustdosomethingtoputtheideaintoplay.It’snotenoughtojustcomeupwith it.Theemployeemustactonit.Thatmightmeanmakingaphonecall toexplore thenewidea’sviability. Itmightmeanwritingupaone-pageproposalandsubmittingit tome.Itmightmeanmakingapresentationtothe rest of the team. But the key is to get the idea into play. To get somemomentumbehind it.Otherwise,weallknowthat lifewillget in thewayandtheideawilldieaquickdeath.”

“Iagreecompletely,Catherine.Eachandeverypersonontheplanetcomesupwithideasthathavethepotentialtorevolutionizeourlives.Somechoosetoactonthemandindoingsocreategreatlives.Otherschoosetositonthem—andresignthemselvestotheordinary.”

“Youmakegoalsettingsoundlikesuchamagicalprocess,Julian.”“Well, as a Harvard-trained lawyer, I’m always reluctant to use the term

‘magic.’ButIhavelearnedthroughmyownexperiencethatgoalsettingworkswonders.Itmakesnosensenottobecomeexcellentatthisprocessandtoteachit to your children.Sure, theymight be tooyoung right now tohave concreteprofessionalgoalsandthelike.Butthekeyistoexposethemtotheprocessandlet them see for themselves howwell itworks. It’s all part of your duty as aparenttoletthe‘bigness’ofyourchildrenshinethrough.”

“The bigness of my children?” I asked, struck by the power of this newphrase.

“Sure, another oneof your primaryduties as a parent is tomake sure thatyourkidsdon’tfallintothetrapnearlyeveryadultonearthfallsinto.”

“Whichis?”Iinquired,myattentioncompletelycaptured.“Most of us live small lives. We think small. We act small and we play

small.”“Adultsplaysmall?”“Wedo.Wedon’tstepoutontotheskinnybranchoflifeandtakeboldrisks.

Wethinkthesamethoughts,dothesamethingsandactthesamewayeveryday.Weliveourlivesinanillusoryzoneofsecurity,believingitisthesafestplacetobe.”

“When it’sactually the least secureplace tobe,” Ichimed in,proudof thelessonsIhadlearnedthroughmytimewithmybrother.

“Exactly.Lifeistrulylivedwhenyouenterthezoneoftheunknown.Wearefullyaliveonlyinthosemomentswhenwearestretchingourselvesbeyondournormallimitsandreachingforthestars—insomewayoranother.Playingsmallis the road toamediocre life.Lettingourbigness shine through is thepath tomastery.”

“Andrisksareawaytoliveabiggerlife?”“Yes, Catherine, so long as they are wise, calculated risks. No one is

suggestingthatyouteachyourchildrentodofoolishthings.Mypointofwisdomis that you can lead them to anunderstandingof the fact that theyneed to bewillingtodaremoreoften.Theymustlistentothecalloftheirheartsregularly.Iftheygetabigideathatwillhelpthemimproveoneofthecoreareasoftheirlives,theymusthavethecouragetoactonit.Remember,beingagreatleaderinlifeisallabouttakingaction.”

“Soteachthemtotakesmartrisksanddaremoreoften.Right?”“Yes,andbacktotheSecondDisciplineofPersonalGreatness—makesure

theydeveloptheritualofsettinggoalsonaweeklybasis,evenifit’sjustagoalortworelatingtowhattheywanttoseemanifestedintheirlivesoverthecoming

week.OneveryspecificsuggestionIhaveforyouandthekidsisthatyouworkwiththemtocreateaDreamBook.”

“What’saDreamBook?”Iasked.“It’sanemptywritingpadthateachofyoucankeeptofillwithyourgoals.

Thinkofitasavesselwithinwhichyouandthekidscancaptureyourdesires.Youcanlisteachandeveryoneofyourgoalsanddreamsinitandrecordyourhighestaspirations.Youcanpastepicturesofyourheroes, the thingsyouwantand the places youwish to visitwithin it.You can jot downgreat quotes andinspirationalwordsthroughoutit.It’sanexcellentwaytogetyourkidsintogoalsettingand,moreimportantly,goalgetting.”

“Ilovetheidea,Julian!Atrulysplendididea.Ifeelmotivatedalready.”“Here,littlesister,”saidJulian,grabbingmyhandandleadingmeintoatiny

room that I had never noticed before. The title “Gallery of the Greats” wasmarkedovertheentranceinbronzelettering.

“I’ve never been in here before,” I remarked as we passed a series ofbreathtakingly beautiful and lifelike portraits of many of history’s greatestwomenandmen.

“It’s brand new, actually. I just discovered this roommyself. I can spendhoursinhere,justfeelingtheenergyofthesegreathumanbeingsandreflectingon the way they conducted their lives. I always leave feeling inspired andcommittedtothepaththatIamon.”

“Does coming in here have something to do with the Third Discipline ofPersonalGreatness?”

“Youbetitdoes,”repliedJulianashedidaquicktwirlandpunchedhisfistsintotheair.“Oooh,Ilovethisdiscipline!”heshouted.

“Okay,okay—let’shearit.”“TheThirdDisciplineofPersonalGreatness,adisciplineIknowwillhavea

wonderful impact on Porter and Sarita’s lives, is to ‘walk with the giantsregularly.’”

“Now you know I need some clarification on that one,” I remarked,fascinated,asIcrossedmyarmsandsatdownonthesinglebenchinthecenteroftheroom.

“‘WalkingwiththeGiants’isallaboutspendingtimewithhistory’sgreatestpeople.Lettingthemostremarkablepeopleofthisworldbecomeyourmentorsof the mind. Would you like to spend some time with Mother Teresa latertonight?”askedJulianwithatwinkleinhiseye.

“Youbet.”

“HowaboutrelaxingwithNelsonMandelaorreflectingwithGandhi?”“Countmein,”Ioffered,notquitesurewhereJulianwasgoingwiththisline

ofquestioning.“You see, the gift of the knowledge agewe live in is that you and I, and

everyonearoundus,havetheprivilegetospendtime,eachandeverydayifweso choose,with thegreatest thinkerswhohavewalkedon earth.Withnothingmorethanalibrarycard,youcanexposeyourchildrentotheinnermostthoughtsofMahatmaGandhi.WithnothingmorethananInternetconnection,youcangetdeep into the mind of Helen Keller or Ben Franklin or Confucius or AlbertSchweitzer.Youcan findoutwhatmade these leaders laughandcry.Youcandiscoverhowtheyhandledadversity.Youcanlearntheorganizingprinciplesbywhich they lived out their lives. To me that’s amazing. We can befriend theworld’s most amazing people—whenever we want— through books, tapes,videos and other educational media. And here’s the real key, Catherine: inspending timewith history’swisest human beings, you cannot help but comeawayfromtheexperiencea fundamentallybetterperson. Itmakesme thinkofthewordsofauthorDorotheaBrandewhoremarked:‘Ifoundtheideawhichsetme free. I was not consciously looking for it. I was engaged on a piece ofresearchinadifferentfield.ButIcameacrossasentenceinabookIwasreadingwhichwassoilluminatingthatIputthebookasidetoconsideralloftheideassuggested by that [one sentence].When I picked the book up again, I was adifferentperson.’Associatingwithgreatmindsisdefinitelyoneofthebestwaystoimprovethequalityofyourownmind.It’slikewhenyouplaysomeonewhoisbetterthanyouintennis.”

“You always play better than you’ve ever played,” I replied, havingexperiencedthisphenomenononmoreoccassionsthanIcaredtorecall.

“Right. Sowhen you read the books of ourworld’smental, philosophical,scientificandspiritualgiantsonaregularbasis,thewayyouthinkandactwillimprove correspondingly. You will rise to their level. You will find yourselfthinkingthoughtsyouhaveneverthoughtbeforeandbehavinginpositivewaysthatjustmightstartleyou.SocarveoutsometimeeveryweekorsotoexposePorterandSarita to theworksand the thoughtsof thegiantsamongus—menandwomenwho havemademajor contributions to our civilization. Introducethemtothegeniusesofourpastaswellastheleadersofourfuture.Whenyouaredriving themtosoccerpracticeorballet lessons,playcompactdiscsof thebiographies of Einstein orMozart or Thomas Edison.You can be certain thattheir influence will play a significant role in the shaping of the characters,

inspiringyourtwowonderfulchildrentobemorethantheycouldotherwisehavebeen.As Thomas BaileyAldrichwrote: ‘A person is known by the companytheirmindkeeps.’”

“AndGandhionce said ‘Iwill not let anyonewalk throughmymindwiththeirdirty feet,’” I added,having recently read theautobiographyof thisgreatleader.

“Lovely,Catherine.Heclearlyunderstoodthatwhatyouputintoyourmindaffectsthewayyourlifewillunfold.”

Juliancontinued.“I findmycompanions in the ‘booksof thegiants’ that Iread.Yousee,littlesister,tomegreatbooksrepresenthope.Theyrepresentthepromiseof abetter life.Theyhelpmeenvisionawiser andbetterworld.Andthat makes books, and the daily habit of reading them, one of life’s mostimportantpursuits.”

“SincePorterandSaritaarestillsoyoung,maybeIcanbegintocollectthesegreat books you speak of. I still have to travel a little bit for my work withBraveLife.com and often have a few hours to kill at the airport. They alwaysseemtohaveexcellentbookshops.”

“Ofcourse,”respondedJulian.“Verysuccessfulpeopleoftenfly.Andverysuccessful people always read.Booksellers have figured that out andput theirbestselectionsinthosebookstores.”

“Icouldvisitsomeof thosegreatshopsandfindsomeamazingbooks thatcaninspireandinfluencethekidsastheycontinuetogrow.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Catherine,” replied Julian. “In those stacks ofbooksyouwill findgemsofwisdomabout raising childrenwhoare strongofmind, body and character.Youwill discover books thatwill help you balancecareerandfamily.Youwillseebooksthatwill inspireyoutobeyourbestselfandbooksthatwillilluminatethepaththatyouaredestinedtofollow.Foreverypossible question that you may have, you will find a book overflowing withanswers. All it takes is the initiative to find the right books and then thedisciplinetoreadthem.”

“Say,Julian, speakingofdiscipline,whatareyour thoughtsondiscipliningchildren?That’salwaysbeenachallengeformeinmyhomelife,eventhoughIhave never had any problem disciplining employees at BraveLife.com. I findthatwhenitcomestomykids,Ifindithardtosayno.”

“The essence of parenting well, when it comes to discipline, is to alwaysfollowthehighroadrather thantheeasyroad.Alwaysdowhatyourheartandconscience tellyou is the right thing todo,basedonyourmoralsandonyour

values, rather than what you might feel is the easy thing to do in that givenmoment.”

“It goesback to that point youmade earlier.Leadership is all about doingwhat’sright.”

“Yup.Andyoualsoneedtorememberthatdisciplineisagift.”“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”“Many parents believe that constantly giving in to the demands of their

childrenandneversayingnoshowstheirchildrenhowmuchtheylovethem.Butwhat they forget is that children need clear boundaries. They crave consistentstandardsthatgivetheirlivesstructure.Thoughtheymaynottellyouthis,whenparents enforce limits and ensure that family rules are followed, these limitsmake children feel loved. Employing a reasonable amount of discipline alsobuilds characterwithinyour kids, since they are given a true senseofwhat isrightandwrongineverygivencircumstance.”

“That’s so true, Julian. Even though I never liked thewayMom andDadkeptusinline,secretlyIknewitwasasignoftheirloveforus.IthinkI’vebeenlettingPorterandSaritagetawaywithtoomuchfortoolong.IthinkImustbealittlestricterwiththem.”

“Just don’t overdo it,Catherine. It’s all about balancing the importance ofdiscipline with the importance of letting children be children. And alsoremember, when it comes to any form of punishment, always correct thebehaviorratherthanthechild.”

“Elaborate,please.”“It’s so important not to damage children’s self-esteem. When they do

somethingwrong,make sure that you tell them that itwas theirbehavior thatwasbad—not them.It isso important foryoutogive themunconditional loveandletthemknowthatyouadorethemnomatterwhattheydo.Havingsaidthis,therearecertainrulesandlimitsthatneedtobeenforced.Yourchildrenshouldknowthatwhenevertheystepoutsideoftheselimits,theywillbedisciplined.”

“Thatmakessense,Julian.Itistruethattheself-esteemofchildrenisfragile.Words that theyhearwhen theyareyoungstaywith themformanyyears intotheirfutures.”

“Quite true. I’d also suggest that you never discipline your childrenwhenyouareangry.”

“Really?”Iwondered,genuinelysurprisedatthiskernelofadvice.“Yes,thewholepurposeofdisciplineistohelpachildchannelherenergies

in more appropriate ways. It should never serve as an outlet for a parent’s

frustrations.Neveruseitasatoolforthereleaseofyourstress,awaytomakeyoufeelbetterwhenyouareangryatyourchildforsomemisdeed.Saveit—andhonorit—asatoolfor thecharacterdevelopmentof thekids.Onlythenwill ithavetheeffectyouhopeitwill.”

“Andthefinaldiscipline,theFourthDisciplineofPersonalGreatness,isthedisciplineofgivinggraciously.Thisisallabouttheimportanceofteachingyourchildrenthegiftthatisgivingwithanopenhandandanopenheart.Rememberthat the hand the gives is the hand that gathers and that giving begins thereceivingprocess.Heorshethatgivesthemostwins.Thisisoneofthetimelesslaws of humanity that we forget all too often. Teach Porter and Sarita theimportanceofremainingfocusedonhelpingothersandappreciatingpeopleforthevaluetheyaddto theworld.Makeitapracticetogivethegiftofpraise tosomeonewhodeservesitonaregularbasis.Whenyouvisitoneofyourfriend’shouseswiththechildren,alwaysbringagiftsothekidspickuponthishabit.Itdoes not have to be elaborate. It is the thought that truly counts. It could besomethingassimpleasthegiftofafreshflowerfromyourbackyardoracardthat thechildrenhavemadeoutofconstructionpaper. Itcouldbe thegiftofawarmhugor a big smile.Soon they toowill get into thedisciplineof giving.Soon they too will realize how great it feels to share with others. They willconnect to a higher part of themselves and experience great growth in theprocess.Oncetheydiscoverhowpowerfulitistobekindandgivingonadailybasis,theywillhavelearnedoneoflife’smostsignificantlessons.”

“Thanks,bigbrother,”Irepliedwithheartfeltconviction.“Iloveyou.”“Iloveyoutoo,Catherine.Oh,beforeIforget,Ihaveagiftofmyownfor

you.”Julianreachedintothepocketofthepantshewaswearingandpulledouta

rumplednapkinthatboretracesofmustard.“I know it doesn’t look like much, but the words I have written on this

napkin are worth their weight in gold. I suggest you have them printed on aplaque thatyoucanputup inaplaceathomewhereeveryonecanread it.Doyou mind if I read them to you?” requested Julian, growing emotional, tearsfillinghiseyes.

“Pleasegoahead,”Isaidwithgentleness.“Idon’tknowwhy thesewords resonatewithmeas stronglyas theydo. I

connectsodeeplytothem,andtheyoffermesuchguidance.IguesstheycapturetheessenceofthelifeIdreamoflivingandspeaktothepersonIhopetobe.”

Julianreadthewords,aquoteofWillianPenn:

Iexpecttopassthroughlifebutonce.Iftherefore,therebeanykindnessIcanshow,oranygoodthingIcandotoanyfellowbeing,letmedoitnow,andnotdeferorneglectit,asIshallnotpassthiswayagain.

AsJulianandIstrolledoutofthemuseumarm-in-armitstartedtoraineversoslightly.

“In India, it is believed that a light sprinkling of rain is an omen of goodthings to come,” said Julian in a voice so soft I could barely hear it.He thenlookedupat theskyastheraindropsdancedoffhisface.Withhiseyesclosedandatitanic-sizedsmileonhisface,Julianpausedforafewmomentsandthenyelledoutinavoicesolouditstoppedpeopleintheirtracks:“It’sagreattimetobealive!”

Withamindfilledwithrich leadership lessonsandaheartmoreopen thaneverbefore,Icouldnothelpbutagree.

TheFourthMasteryoftheFamilyLeader

ToBeanExcellentParent,BecomeanExcellentPerson

Life’slikeaplay:it’snotthelengthbuttheexcellenceoftheactingthatmatters.Seneca

Theonlydevilsintheworldarethoserunninginourownhearts.Thatiswherethebattleshouldbefought.

MahatmaGandhi

It was a very strangemessage.MissWilliamson,my reclusive neighbor—theonewholivedwithfourteencatsandtheonewhoIhadjokinglysuggestedhadacrushonJulian—hadleftmeavoicemailmessagerequestingthatIturnupinthegardenshetendedbehindherhouse.Evenmoreoddwasthefactthatsheaskedthat I be there at 5 a.m. the following morning. “Trust me, Catherine,” shemutteredinhersqueakyvoice,“there’sagiftwaitingforyourightbythetomatopatch.”

NowIhavetotellyouthatcallingMissWilliamsonaneccentricdoesnotdothewomananyjustice.ShewasoneofthemostuniquepeopleIhadevermet,and I could never understand why she lived as she did. But she was a loyalneighbor and she always offered me a smile when I passed her in theneighborhood,soIcalledherbackandtoldherthatI’dbehappytoshowupinthegardenatthedesiredtime.

Earlythenextmorning,aftershoweringandsoftlykissingJonandthekids,Icreptout thesidedoorandwalkeddown thestreet.As ImademywayacrossMissWilliamson’s front lawn, three cats jumpedout frombehind a shrub andscared the living daylights out of me. I just stood there for a few seconds,startled, my heart beatingmadly, out of control. Quickly pullingmyself backtogether,Icarefullywalkedaroundthehousetothebackyardandthenintothe

largegarden that shedevotedmanyofherwakinghours to. I couldn’tbelievewhatIsaw.

Rightnexttothetomatopatchwasatoweringscarecrowthatappearedtobeover six feet high. It was covered with a frilly cloth that I guessed MissWilliamsonhadboughtatagaragesale,andwasstandinginoneofthosebizarreyogaposturesI’dobservedyogistakingupindocumentariesJon,thekidsandIhad watched on the Discovery Channel. Equally inexplicable was the largebannerthatranfromthescarecrow’sbodytoMissWilliamson’sbackporch.Onit was inscribed a quote by Mark Twain, written in bright red lettering thatseemedtoleapofftheplasticbackgroundinthegoldenraysoftheearlymorningsun.Thequotereadsimply:

Ifeverybodywassatisfiedwithhimself,therewouldbenoheroes.

Andbreakingthestillnessofthedawnwasmusic,loudmusicthatwasplayingfrom a boombox that someone had strategically placed on the picnic tablenearby.Thesongwasunmistakeable.ItwasthegreatLouisArmstong’s“WhataWonderful World.” I just stood there, basking in the positive energy of thisextraordinarysight. Ihadnoideawhatwasgoingon.IhadnoideawhyIhadbeensummonedhere.Andtobecompletelyhonestwithyou,Ididn’treallycare.Somethingmiraculous had been growing inmy life since Julian had returned,andIwasjustsohappytobeperceivingthis,daybyday.ThiswasjustanotherexperiencethatIknewwouldmakeabrilliantstoryformygrandkids.

“MissWilliamson?Areyouhere?”Iyelled,tryingtomakemyvoiceheardaboveLouis’scrooning.

WhenIreceivednoresponse,Itriedagain.“Hello!MissWilliamson,areyououthere?”Again, no reply. JustLouis completing the songwith thewords “I said to

myself…whatawonderfuuuuulwooorld.”Finallythegardenwassilent,andImademywaytowardsthetomatopatch

and the hilariously attired scarecrow.All of a sudden, a booming, deep voicesangout“Isaytomyself,thisisawonderfulworld.”IlookedaroundbutIcouldseenoonearoundme.As Icontinuedalong thegardenpath Iheard thevoiceagain. “Wonderful world!” was all that rang out this time around. The soundseemedtobecomingfromthevicinityofthescarecrow,rightnexttothetomatopatch.“MaybethishassomethingtodowiththegiftMissWilliamsonpromisedmeinhervoicemail,”Ithought.

As I drew nearer, the word “wonderful” appeared to emanate from thescarecrow’s lips, lips thatwere nearlymasked by the billowy black cloth thatcoveredtherestofitsfaceandcircleditshead.ThischaradehadJulian’snamewritten all over it, but I knew he wasn’t here because he was vacationing inConnecticut,wherehehadsignedupforaseven-daypersonalgrowthretreat.

“Ineedtogetevendeeperintomyself,”heremarkedaswedroppedhimoffattheairport.

JustasIreachedthescarecrow,thewords“Ifeverybodywassatisfiedwithhimself, there would be no heroes” belted out of the boombox. I felt a littlescared.Whowasbehindthissetupandwhywouldtheyinvolvemeinit?

Suddenly the scarecrow started tomove.Slowly at first—then it started towaveitsarmsandlegsinafrenzy.Soonitwastwirlingroundandroundinthetomato patch looking like a whirling dervish. After falling to the ground indizziness,thescarecrowcametorest.Thenitstartedtolaugh.Andlaugh.Andlaugh.

Clearlytherewasamanunderthedisguise,andclearlyitwasamanthatIknew.Ireacheddownandpulledtheclothoffthescarecrow’sface.Sureenough,thePrinceofPrankshadstruckagain.ItwasJulian.

“I thoughtyouwereinConnecticutreconnectingwithyourhighestself?”Isaid inmockanger,quite aware that a smilewasgrowingonmy face. “Don’tyouhaveanythingbettertodowithyourtimethantosetupthesescenariosandscaretheheckoutofme?”

“I quite enjoy these pranks, little sista,” replied Julian. “Things get kindalonelyfromtimetotimewhenyouwakeupwiththesuneverymorning.”

“Wellnow,whydon’tyoutellmewhatthislessonisallabout.Ican’tbelieveyourecruitedpoorMissWilliamsonforthispracticaljoke.She’salmostninetyyearsold,youknow.”

“ShelovedtheideaandthinksI’mhilarious,”respondedJulianashelookeduptothebalconyofMissWilliamson’ssecond-floorbedroom.

“Hi,Julian,”shebellowed,leaningontherailinginherhousecoatinbetweenlaughs.“Boy,youaregood.Thatwasoneof thefunniest thingsI’veseen inalong time.C’mon in for a cup of tea after you’re finishedwithCatherine. I’dlove to hear more about your adventures in India. Ta ta, handsome,” sheconcludedinasensualvoiceI’dneverheardbefore.

Julianjustwinkedatme.“Stillthecharmer,”Inoted.“Hey,she’salovelywomanandbesides,shebrewsthebestchamomiletea

I’veevertasted.”“But seriously,” I said, “I thought youwere at your spiritual retreat. How

comeyou’reback?”“Iknowit’snotthemostresponsiblethingI’veeverdone,Catherine,andI

apologize for that, but my intuition told me that I had to share the FourthMasteryoftheFamilyLeaderwithyousoonerratherthanlater.SincemytimewiththesagesupinSivana,I’vegrownfarmoreawareofwhattheyreferredtoasthe‘silentwhisperingsfromwithin.’”

“Oh,sparemeallthismumbojumbo,Julian,”Iresponded,surprisedatmyimpatience,whichIattributedtotheungodlyhour.

“I’mcompletelyserious.Weallhaveahiddenabilitytodetectthetruthinallcircumstancesinourlives.Whenwedoalltheinnerworknecessarytoconnectwith our highest selves, this power—what most people know as intuition—becomesveryobvious.MyintuitiontoldmethatyouneededtohearwhatIhavetotellyouabouttheFourthMasteryfarmorethanIneededaweekofreflectionandpersonaldevelopment.AndsoI’mhere,atyourservice,”Julianjokedashebentdownandmimickedabutlerbowingtohisboss.

“And do tellmewhat all this stuff about ‘If everybodywas satisfiedwithhimself,therewouldbenoheroes’hastodowithme.”

“Ithaseverythingtodowithyou,Catherine.Thefactthatwearehereinagarden has everything to do with you. The fact that I arranged for Mr.Armstrong’sfamoussongtobeplayedhaseverythingtodowithyou.”

“Gettothepoint,bigbrother,”Iprodded.“TheFourthMasteryoftheFamilyLeaderisaboutbecomingthepersonyou

were meant to be. It’s about becoming your best self and realizing the fullpotential of your mind, body and spirit so you can be a great leader in yourfamily.It’saboutbecomingaheroinyourlife,”notedJulianwithagentlelook.

“What is theFourthMasteryof theFamilyLeader, Julian?” I askedgood-naturedly,mymoodimprovingasmyinterestinthisnextlifelessongrew.

“Itcanbestatedsimply—likeallgreatprinciplesofeffective living.ToBeanExcellentParent,YouMustBecomeanExcellentPerson.Thismasteryisallaboutself-renewalandself-regeneration.”

“I’mnotreallyfamiliarwiththatlasttermyouused.”“What would you think of a corporation that spent no money or time on

researchanddevelopment?”camehisprecisereply.“Notmuch.Icertainlywouldneverinvestinit,”Isaid.“Right.NeitherwouldI.”

“Oh,don’t tellmeyou’replaying thestockmarketagain,Julian. Ican justseetheheadlinesnow:‘Millionairelawyerturnsenlightenedmonkandmakesakillinginthemarket.Withhisriches,hebuysaFerrari,’”Igiggled.

“Mydaysof investing in themarketareover.Butmydaysof investing inmyselfhave justbegun.And it’s thebest investment I’veevermade.See,youwouldnotsinkapennyintoacompanythatpaidnoattentiontoimprovingonadailybasis,andyetmostpeopleintheworldweliveinfail tospendevenonehour a month developing themselves. That’s why I love the saying, ‘Ifeverybodywassatisfiedwithhimself, therewouldbenoheroes’somuch.Thepeople who really get on in this world and live big lives—personally,professionallyorspiritually—arethosewhoareneversatisfiedwiththemselves.They are constantly pushing the envelope of their potential and growingstronger,wiserandmoreeffective.”

“But isn’t there something to be said for being satisfiedwith yourself andlikingthepersonthatyouare?”

“I’mnotsayingthatyoushouldnotlovewhoyouareandbegratefulforallyour personal gifts. I’m simply saying thatwe should not fall into the trap ofbeing complacent.More importantly, I am saying thatwe need to continuallystrivetomakeourliveswonderful.Wonder-full,”Julianemphasized.

“Ah,”Isighed.“NowIgetwhyyouplayedthatmusicandsangthatsong.”“Nowyou’recookin’,”Julianreplied,kissingmeonthecheek.“Istilldon’tknowwhywearehereinthegardenthough.”“Thegardenisaperfectmetaphorfortheideaofself-renewalandpersonal

regeneration.It’stheidealexampleofhownaturerewardscare,cultivationandattention.MissWilliamson spendsmost of her days in here, tending to thesevegetables, ensuring that they are properly cared for and given the bestenvironmentinwhichtogrow.And‘asshesows,sodoesshereap.’Sheputsagreatdealoftimeinandnatureinevitablyyieldsarichharvest.It’sthesameforpeople.Takingtimeoutofyourbusyscheduleeverydayforalittleself-renewalandpersonalregenerationwillyieldpositiveresultsineveryareaofyourlife.”

“Whatexactlydoyoumeanbyself-renewal,Julian?Areyoutalkingaboutmakingtimetoexerciseandeatwell?”

“Thatandsoverymuchmore.”Julianpausedandthenledmetothepicnictable.Ashepouredmeaglassoffreshtomatojuice,hecontinuedhisdiscourseontheFourthMastery.

“Rememberwhenyouwereonthatill-fatedflight?”“SadtosayIdo,”Irespondedsoftly.

“Thinkabouttheinstructionsoftheflightattendants.”“Well, they toldus to remain calm.Not topanic.Toputourheadsonour

legs.”“Whatdidtheysayabouttheoxygenmasks?”“Well,everytimeI’monaplane,theflightattendantstellustodothesame

thing.”“Whichis?”“Essentially, they tell us tomake sureweget the oxygenmasks up to our

ownfacesfirstbeforewetryandhelpotherpeoplewiththeirmasks.”“Perfect answer,” noted Julian, happywithmy reply. “That’s exactlywhat

theFourthMasteryof theFamilyLeaderandtheconceptofself-renewal isallabout.”

“I’mstillalittlelost,”IconfessedasIbegantosipthejuice.“Beforeyoucanhelpothers,youmusthelpyourself.Tobeabetterparent,

youmust firstbecomeabetterperson.Tomanageyour family inanexcellentway,youmustfirstmanageyourselfinanexcellentway.WhatI’mreallysayingisthatleadershipontheoutsidebeginswithleadershipontheinside.”

“I’dagreewiththat,”Iobserved.“You can’t do great things for your kids unless you first think great

thoughts,” continued Julian, clearly energized and rolling along like a Baptistpreacher.

“True,”Isangout.“Youcan’tdogoodinyourlifeunlessyoufeelgood.”“Trueagain,”Isaidwithanod.“And you cannot really love your children unless you first love yourself,”

Julianwailed.Ifellcompletelysilent.Thatlaststatementhitmehard.Thenitmovedmeto

tears.Julian’swisdompiercedmysoul.Hewasso correct.Howcould I reallygivelovetothechildrenandtoJonifIhadnotdiscoveredself-love?Howcoulda human being really show love to another unless she first found love forherself?Whatmybrotherwas tellingmewas thatbefore Icouldeverhope tobecome the kind of parent Porter andSarita deserved, I needed to get seriousaboutdevelopingmyselfand“leadingfromtheinsideout.”

“Andthefunnythingisthatnotonlywilladeepcommitmenttoself-renewalandpersonaldevelopmentmakeyouamoreeffectiveparent, itwillalsomakeyouafarhappierperson.AsJohnF.Kennedyoncesaid:‘Happinessisthefullestuseofone’spowersalonglinesofexcellence.’”

“Okay, Julian, sowhatkindsof thingscan Ido to renewmyself andgrowintoabetter,wiserandmorecompletehumanbeing?”

“Onekeyistostartearly,”cametheswiftreply.“Pleaseexplain.”“If youwant to become a better person, I suggest you start by joining the

FiveO’clockClub,justlikeyoudidtoday.”“Youwantmetogetupat5a.m.everydayoftheweek?”Iexclaimed.“Are

youcrazy?”“Thesages roseat4a.m.,but fivewilldo just fine foryou,Catherine.By

winningthebattleofthebed,byputtingmindovermattressandgettingupearly,you will get far more living out of life. Getting up at five will give you apsychologicaledge.Therestoftheworldissleepingwhileyouareup,doingallthosethingsthattherestofhumanityknowsareimportanttodoforagreatlifebutneverhasthetimetodo.”

“Likewhat?”“Likewatching thesuncomeup.Likewalking in thewoods.Like reading

fromthegreatbooks.AsImentionedtoyouearlier,readingalittlebiteachdaywill change your life. Reading inspiring, uplifting books for perhaps thirtyminutesatthebeginningofyourdaywillinfuseeveryremainingminuteofyourdaywithallthewisdomyouconnectedwithwhileothersslept.Itwillimprovethewayyouinteractwiththechildren.ItwillimprovethewayyouinteractwithJon.Itwillimproveyourrelationswithyouremployees.Itwillevenmakeyoukinder to complete strangers.As Judah ibn-Tibbonobserved so sagely: ‘Makethybooks thy companions.Let thy cases and shelves be thy pleasure groundsandgardens.’”

“Powerfulstatement.”“Imaginehavinganextrahouror twoevery singlemorning for the restof

your life.Reserve that time for your innerwork andwatchyour life soar to acompletely new level.Use the time tomeditate or visualize your ideal day orevenyourideallife.Listentolovelymusictosootheyoursoulorspendthetimecultivatingagardenandcommuningwithnature likeourdearold friendMissWilliamson.Asamatteroffact,shetoldmeyesterdaythatshehaswokenupat5 a.m. every day for over seventy years and it’s the single best habit she hasdevelopedinherlife.”

“Ididn’tknowthat.”“Catherine,everyoneonthisplanet—andImeaneveryone—hasastoryto

tellandalessontoteach.Theproblemisthatmostofusaresobusy—andsofull

ofourown‘stuff’thatwedon’ttakethetimetolearnfromthosearoundus.I’mnot faulting you, little sister.You have a busy career and a lovely family thatdemandyourattention.I’mjustremindingyoutoremember thatagreat life ismade up of great relationships. If you want to be happier in life, get moreconnectedtothepeoplearoundyouandwatchthejoyyoufeelgrow.Fulfillmentin life does not come from collectingmore things. It comes from feelingmorelove.”

“Iagree totally, Julian.Thesepast fewmonthshavebeen thebest timesofmylife.I’veneverbeenclosertoPorterandSarita.I’veneverfeltmorelovedbyJon.I’veneverfeltsoappreciatedbymystaff.AndI’veneverbeensogratefulforyou.I’vegotalongwaytogo,butIknowI’mheadedintherightdirection.”

“Nodoubtaboutit.Youare.”“SowhatelsecanIdotorenewmyselfsoIcangrowintoabetterperson?”“Careforthetemple,”cameJulian’sreply.“The‘temple’being?”Iwonderedaloud.“Yourbodyisyourtemple,”Julianreplied,removingthelastvestigesofhis

scarecrow outfit to reveal the elegant robe that was now his trademark. “Theancientphilosophershadasaying:‘Menssanaincorporesano.’”

“Dotranslate.MyLatinisnotwhatitusedtobe,”Isaidwithawink.“It simplymeans that ina soundbody restsa soundmind.This is suchan

incrediblyimportantpointofwisdom,andyetmostpeopleneglectit.Yourbodytrulyisyourtemple.Youshouldcometoseeitasavehiclethat,whenproperlyhonoredandcaredfor,willleadyoutothegreatestheightsofyourlife.Strivingforphysicalmasteryisanexcellentwaytoarriveatpersonalmastery.”

“Really?”“Sure.Thinkaboutallthedisciplineit takestogetintothegymfiveorsix

timesaweek.Thinkabouthowharditistokeepstretchingbeyondourcomfortzonesintermsofthelevelsatwhichweexercise,andhowchallengingwefindthethoughtofworkingoutalittleharderateverysession.Thinkabouttheself-resolverequired toeathealthy,natural foodsanddrink lotsofwatereverydaywheneveryplacewegoseemstoofferusothertemptations.Butifyouhavethecouragetorespectyourbody—thetemplethathousesthepersonthatyouare—personalmasterywill not be far away. Each time you get into the gym for aworkoutonadayyoujustdon’tfeellikeexercising,yougrowalittlestrongerasa human being. Each time you go out for a run on a coldwinter’s daywhenunderthecoversfeelslikethebestplacetobe,youactualizeyourhumanityjusta littlemore.Workingon improvingyourphysical condition is agreatway to

improveyourcharacterandenrichthequalityofyourlife.Andnotonlywillyouimproveasaperson,youwillimproveasaparent.”

“I’mnotsureifIseetheconnection,bigbrother.”“Exercisingregularly,eatingwellandtakingtimetorelaxandnourishyour

bodywillmakeyoufeelhappier.Itwillprovideyouwithmoreenergythanyouhaveeverknown.Itwillgiveyougreaterstaminaandmentaltoughness.Itwillmake youmore patient and loving.And youwill feelmore serene during thehours of your days.Wouldn’t thesebenefits helpyou to be a better parent forPorterandSarita?”Julianaskedrhetorically.

“Absolutely.”“Caringforthegiftthatisyourbodywillevenmakeyouaclearer,stronger

thinker.Andsinceyourthoughtsultimatelyformyourworld,thatbenefitaloneispriceless.Thereare168hoursinaweek.Surelyeachandeveryoneofuscancarveoutfourorfiveofthemtocareforourtemplesandworkonmasteringourphysicalstate,evenwithinourhecticschedules.Iknowyou’vebeenexercisingrecentlyandIcongratulateyouonyourprogress,butIsuggestthatyoutakeittothe next level. Get evenmore serious about liberating your physical potentialandgettingintothebestpossiblecondition.”

“Butletmeaskyou,Julian—isn’tanobsessivefocusonmakingourbodiesperfect unhealthy? I feel somuchpressure as awoman to look a certainway,especiallygiventhemediaimageswearesurroundedby.”

“Goodpoint.Here’s thekey: I’mnot suggesting thatone’sgoal in strivingfor physical mastery is to look more like a supermodel or a movie star. Theentirepurposeof thepursuit is todiscoveryourbest you.And arriving at thatpointrequiresyoutoshiftfromanexternalfocustoaninternalone.Stopjudgingyourphysicalprogressagainstthewomenyouseeinthefashionmagazinesandstartmeasuringyourselfagainstyourpreviousself.”

“That’saprofoundconcept,Julian.Iactuallyfeltatinglerundownmyspinewhenyousaidthat.”

“Thegreatsagestaughtmethatone.RemembertheancientIndianproverbthatItoldyouaboutearlier?Itsaid:‘Thereisnothingnobleinbeingsuperiortoothers.Truenobilityliesinbeingsuperiortoyourformerself.’”

“I remember it—and I love it!” Iexclaimed.“That’sa farmoresensible—andenlightened—approach.”

“So use your past self as your benchmark. And also remember that theperson who does not make time for exercise must eventually make time forillness.”

“True,”Isaidreflectively.“Itneverceasestoamazeme,”Juliancontinuedwithenormousenthusiasm,

“howwhenweareyoung,wearewillingtosacrificeallofourhealthforalittlebitofwealth,andwhenwegrowoldandwise,wewouldbewillingtosacrificeallofourwealth…”

“Foralittlebitofhealth,”Iinterjected.“Exactly. And by the way, when it comes to staying in peak shape and

exercising to stay fit, please remember that every time you don’t do the rightthing,youfuelthehabitofdoingthewrongthing.”

“Youlostmeagain.”“Well,letmeputitthisway:amissedworkoutismuchmorethanamissed

workout.”“C’mon,Julian,quitfoolingaround,”Istated.“Okay.AllI’msayingisthatwhenyoumissaworkout,it’snotlikeyoujust

stayat thesame levelyouwereat—youactually takea fewstepsback.Everytimeyoumissaworkout,youhavedonesomethingtostrengthenthehabitofnotworkingout.Andthemoreworkoutsyoumiss,thestrongerthatnegativehabitgrows.Missenoughworkouts,andeventuallythatnegativehabitofnotworkingoutwill replace the positive habit of exercising that youhaveworked soveryhard to cultivate. So that’swhy I say that every time you fail to do the rightthing, you fuel the habit of doing the wrong thing. And this little principleappliesthroughoutyourlife.Everytimeyouforgettosaythankyoutosomeone,you have actually taken action to build the habit of never saying thank you.Everytimeyouforgettoreturnaphonecallpromptly,youhavetakenasteptodevelop the habit of never returning phone calls on time. Every time you tellyour child you are too tired to read them a book at bedtime, you have donesomething to build the habit of never reading to them before they sleep.Remember,Catherine,inlife,thelittlethingsareactuallythebigthings.Andthequalityof successyouwillexperience inyour lifeultimatelydependsupon thetinychoicesyoumakeeveryminuteofeveryhourofeveryday.”

“Iagree,Julian,it’ssoeasytoforgetthatsmalldailyactsdefinehowbigweendupliving,”Iadded,realizingthatIwasbeginningtosoundmoreandmorelikeJulianasthedayswentby.“Iguessthatwiththebusylivesmostofuslead,wejust losesightofTheThingsThatTrulyCountandendupfocusingonthedistractions.ItbringstomindthewordsofmanagementguruPeterDrucker—hesaid ‘There isnothing souseless asdoingefficiently thatwhich shouldnotbedoneatall.’”

Julian began to laugh. “That’s brilliant. I’ll have to remember that one forsure.There’ssuch truth in that statement. It trulymakesnosense tospend themostimportanthoursofyourdaysdoingtheleastimportantthings.Wiseleaders—and remember, we are all leaders of one sort or another—spend their daysconcentrating on what is worthy and essential in life. They take the time tofigure out what their highest-leverage activities are— those actions that willyieldthehighestreturnoninvestment—andthentheydevotetheirenergiesonlyto those things.Thisheightened levelofconcentrationaround realpriorities isthesecretofsuccess.AstheChinesemysticLinYutangobserved:‘Besidesthenobleartofgettingthingsdone,master thenobleartof leavingthingsundone.Thewisdomoflifeconsistsintheeliminationofnonessentials.’”

“WhatelsecanIdotorenewmyselfandleadfromwithin,Julian?Gettingup early and caring for the temple are such excellent suggestions. I’d love tolearnmore.”

“RecordingyourlifeisthenextideaIhavetoofferforself-mastery.”“Herewe go again!Okay, Julian,” I remarked, playing along. “What does

‘recordingyourlife’mean?”“I’mencouragingyoutobeginkeepingajournal.Indoingso,youwillbein

apositiontolearnfromthesignificanteventsofyourlifeandgrowwiserwitheach passing day.Keeping a journal allows you to let your past serve you. Itprovidesyouwithatoolthatwillhelpyouleveragepastexperiencesintofuturesuccesses.Writing down the events of your days, alongwith the lessons youhavedrawnfromthem,willgiveyougreaterself-awareness.Thiswillallowyougreater clarity aboutwhy you do the things you do andwhat aspects of youractions need to be changed if you hope to evolve to the next stage of living.Writing in a journal offers you the opportunity to have regular one-on-oneconversationswithyourself.Thisdisciplineforcesyoutodosomedeepthinkinginaworldwheredeep thinkingand introspectionareundervalued. Itwill alsohelpyouliveinamoreconsciousandintentionalway,sothatyouactonlifeasopposedtolifedirectingyou.”

“Journallingisthatpowerfulatechnique?”“Itis,”repliedJulian,bitingintoahuge,ripetomatofromMissWilliamson’s

garden.“Shouldn’tyouwashthat,Julian?”Iwondered.“Youworrytoomuch,Catherine.I’llbefine.Oh,inaddition,ajournalwill

provideyouwithacentralplacetorecordkeyinsightsonimportantissues,notekeysuccessstrategiesthatyouhavelearnedfromothersorfromobservationand

commit to all those things that you know are essential to achieving the high-qualitypersonal,professionalandspirituallifethatyoudeserve.”

“Canyouelaborateonwhatyoumeanby‘sprituallife’?”“Sure.Actually,there’sbeenalotofconfusionaboutthetermthesedays.I’ll

just quote theDalaiLamawho said: ‘When I use theword “spiritual” Imeanbasichumangoodqualities.Theseare:humanaffection,asenseofinvolvement,honesty,disciplineandhumanintelligenceproperlyguidedbygoodmotivation.’See,Catherine,thesearethequalitiesthatmakeushumanbeings.Andweareallbornwiththematbirth.”

“Weare?”“Yup. We are all born as essentially spiritual beings—perfect in our

imperfection.Unfortunately,aswegrow,wetendtoabsorbnegativepatterns—those of our parents and then of our teachers and then of all those aroundus.Most people move farther and farther away from their authentic selves—thebeingsthat theytrulyare—astheygetolderandmorejadedbytheworldtheyperceive.MygoalistoreturntomyessenceandrediscoverwhoIreallyam.Toget back to the perfection that I once possessed before I allowed so muchnegativitytocloudthelensthroughwhichIseetheuniverse.”

“Wow.Youreallymakemethink,Julian.Nowgettingbacktotheprocessofjournalling,isajournaladiary?”

“Anotherexcellentquestion.No,adiaryisaplacewhereyourecordevents,whileajournalisaplacewhereyouanalyzeandevaluatethem.”

“Niceinsight,”Iapplauded.“Keepingajournalencouragesyoutoconsiderwhatyoudo,whyyoudoit

and what you have learned from all that you have done.Medical researchershaveevenfoundthatwritinginaprivatejournalforaslittleasfifteenminutesadaycanimproveyourhealth,thefunctioningofyourimmunesystemandyouroverallattitude.Remember,littlesister,ifyourlifeisworththinkingabout—anditis—itisworthwritingabout.”

“Lovelyadvice.”“Whichbringsmetomyfinalrecommendationforself-renewalandpersonal

mastery:takeaweeklysabbatical.”“Sabbaticalsarebecomingpopularinthebusinessworldthesedays.Oneof

ourmanagersjustsubmittedaproposaltomeinwhichherequestsayearofftosailaroundtheworldwithhisfamily.Hesaidhedoesnotknowwhohiskidsareanymoreandhaslosthisconnectionwithhiswife.Guesswhatmyanswerwillbe?”Ismiled.

“Iknow.Goodforyou.ButthekindofsabbaticalthatIamproposingtoyouis far less dramatic, but can be equally effective. In the ancient world, theseventh day of theweekwas called the Sabbath. Itwas reserved for some oflife’simportantbutcommonlyneglectedpursuits,includingspendingtimewithone’s family and pursuing one’s passions. The Sabbath Day provided anopportunityforhard-workingpeopletorechargetheirbatteriesandspendadaylivinglifemorefully.Asthepaceoflifehasquickened,however,thiswonderfultraditionhasbeenlostalongwiththetremendouspersonalbenefits thatflowedfromit.I’mencouragingyoutorestorethisritualforyourownlife.Setasidesixorsevenhoursaweektoenjoythethingsyoulovetodobutnevergetaroundtodoing. Youmight do it on the weekend or, with your flexible schedule, yoursabbaticalmight takeplaceonaTuesdayor aThursday.Thepoint is tomakesure that not evenoneweek slipsbywhenyoudon’t take some time to showsomelovingkindnesstoyourself.”

“Two questions immediately come to my mind. First, should I be aloneduring this weekly sabbatical, and second, what kinds of things should I bedoing?”

“Yes,definitelydothisalone.Thisisyouropportunitytothinkandtoreallybe. It’s your chance to go for a solitarywalk in thewoods and feel thewindbrushagainstyourface.It’syourchancetostopandlistentoastreetmusicianandnotworryaboutrushingofftoyournextmeeting.It’syourchancetogetlostintheshelvesofyourfavoritebookstorewhilesippingonacupofhotchocolate.It’syourchancetodanceinaparkwithnoshoesonortostareataspider’swebafter it has rained—fully attentive and fully present. Really, it’s a splendidopportunity to be completely alive, each and every week for the rest of yourlife.”

“SoaweeklysabbaticalisagiftIgivetomyself,”Ioffered.“Excellentpoint. It truly is. It’syour reward for aweekwell spent.And it

willundoubtedlyhavetheeffectofkeepingyouhappy,fresh,energized,relaxedandplayful.Itisanexcellentuseofyourtime,aninvestmentthatwillallowyoutoperformatyourbestthroughtheweekasaparent,partnerandperson.”

“Youknow,thishabitwillworkwondersforme,Ijustknowit.Itwillgivemealittlebreathingspace.IthinkI’llbeginthisFriday.Themorningwillstartwithamassage.ThenI’llwriteinmyjournalinsomenaturalplace.AndI’llcapthemorningoffwithavegetarianlunchatthenewrestaurantbytheriver.”

“Food’sexcellentthere,”Julianpipedup.“Theownerusedtobeaclientofmine.HetreatsmelikeaprinceeverytimeIgothereandloadsuponthegarlic,

justthewayIlikeit.Umm,umm—garlicpower!LuckyIdon’thavetosharemyroomwithanyoneafterthosefeasts,”hechuckledhappily.

“You’re too much, Julian. I had no idea that’s where you’ve beendisappearing to these days. You sometimes vanish for hours and hours,” Icontinuedcautiously.“Sometimeswehearthissawingnoisecomingfromyourroom.Othertimeswehearhammering.Atothertimes,Ihearyouleavinginthemiddleof thenight.Iwantyoutohaveyourindependence,butImustconfessthatIreallydoworryaboutyou.”

“Thanks for the concern, Catherine. I’ve got things to do and people tomeet,”cametheonlyreplyIcouldelicit.

“Okay,backtothisbeautifulideaoftakingasabbaticaleachandeveryweektorestoremyself.AnyotherthingsIshouldknowaboutit?”

“Well,Ithinkyouareontherighttrack.Useitasatimetoplay,todance,tothink,tonourishyourspiritandtoawakentothewondersoflife.It’salsoagreatchancetodevelopyourattitudeofgratitude.Takesometimeeveryweekandlistall the blessings in your life in your journal. Remember, what you focus ongrows,whatyou think about expands andwhatyoudwell ondeterminesyourdestiny.The aspects of your life that you devote themost attention to are theonesthatyouwillseeblossomintoevengreatermarvels.Sostaycenteredonallthe good in your life, and you’ll find it will grow. Suffering in life is reallynothingmore than thedifferencebetween theway thingsareand thewayyouimaginetheyshouldbe.Ifyoucancometoaccepttheblessingsofyourpresentrealitywithoutalwaysfeelingthatyourlifeishollowascomparedtothelivesofothers, you will have taken a quantum leap towards enlightenment. Reallycommittobecomingapersonwholiveslifeinaconstantstateofgratitudeandpositiveexpectation.Dreambigdreams,butalsosavortheplacewhereyoufindyourselftobeatanytime.Theroadreallyisasgoodastheend.Whenyoucanmaintainthisframeofmind, theuniversewillbesuretoshoweritsabundanceonyou.IlovethewordsofCicero,whonoted:‘Gratitudeisnotonlythegreatestofvirtues,butthemotherofalltherest.’”

Julianthenbegantowalkintothecenterofthegarden,hisarmsoutstretchedasifhewereexpectingagiftfromtheheavensforallthewisdomandlovehehadsharedwithme.Justashisarmsreachedhigher,aburstoflightseemedtostreakacrossthesky.“Didyouseethat?”heexclaimed,hisfacecompletelyanimatedandhiseyeswideasever.

“Unbelievable.Whatwasthat?”“I’mnot sure,” replied Julian.“But itdoeshelpmemakeapoint that I’ve

beenhopingtosharewithyouallmorning,Catherine.”“Whichis?”“Bealight.Bealighttoyourchildrenandshowthemtheway.Bealightto

Jonandilluminatehis life.Andbea light in thisworldso itbecomesabetter,wiser,morepeacefulplacetobe.Youaresuchanextraordinarywoman.Pleasetake the lessons Ihavegivenyouanduse them togrow into theperson that Iknow,deepinmyheart,youweremeanttobe.Ineverythingyoudo,fromnowon,showupatyourbestandplayfullout.Bealightwherethereisdarkness.Beaguidewhenothersarelost.Andneverforgetthatalovingheartandarichspiritwillimprovetheplanetinwaysyoucannotevenbegintoimagine.”

With that, Julian reached down and began to place his hands in the soil,diggingdown.Hedugdeeperanddeeper, theexpressiononhis face revealingthesingle-mindedfocusthathadbeenoneofthekeystotheamazingsuccesshehadexperiencedoverthecourseofhislifetime.

Afterafewminutesoffeverishactivity,Julianstopped.Sweatbeadedonhisbrow,andhisrobewasfleckedwithsprinklesofdirt.Julianquicklyreachedintotheholehe’dbeendiggingandpulledoutanobjectthelikesofwhichI’dneverseenbefore.Itwasaboutfiveincheslong,appearedtobemadefromstone,andresembledahumanbeingstandingwithhandsoutstretched.

“What’sthat?”Iaskedwithapoundingheart.“It’s called an Inukshuk. They originated in the Arctic, one of the least

populatedplaceson theplanet,butone thatoffersusmany lessonsabouthowthecommunityofhumanityneedstostartliving.AccordingtoInuitlegend,theInukshuk is a guide for a safe journey through the travels of our lives andsymbolizesthedutyofeachandeveryoneofustolightupthepathofthosewhomay have lost their way. For centuries, these stone figures, shaped in humanform, have guided travelers through the desolate lands of theArctic and havecomforted those in need of direction.You,my dear sister, are growing into alight—a guide of sorts—who will lead your family, as well as all the otherpeoplewhoselivesyouwilltouch,intoamuchwiserwayofliving.Iknewsucha daywould eventually come.And sowhilemy eyeswere being opened to awholenewrealityinIndia,Iarrangedforthisgifttobeplacedhereforyou.Allthat time, I didn’t know exactlywhen Iwould present it to you orwhether itwouldevenbehere.ButItrustedmyheartandfoundit,exactlywhereIwastolditwouldbe.”

AsIreachedoverandgraspedtheInukshukfromJulian’sopenhands,Isawfourwords scrawledon its stone surface.They read simply:“PayAttention toLife.”ItmademethinkofthewordsofHenryMillerthatJulianhadwritteninhugelettersonthecentreofhisceiling:

The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, itbecomesamysterious,awesome,indescribablymagnificentworldinitself.

TheFifthMasteryoftheFamilyLeader

GiveYourChildImmortalitythroughtheGiftofaLegacy

Fewwillhavethegreatnesstobendhistoryitselfbuteachoneofuscanworktochangeasmallportionofevents,andinthetotalofallthoseactswillbewritten

thehistoryofthisgeneration.RobertF.Kennedy

Therecomesaspecialmomentineveryone’slife,amomentforwhichthatpersonwasborn.Thatspecialopportunity,whenheseizesit,willfulfillhis

mission—amissionforwhichheisuniquelyqualified.Inthatmoment,hefindshisgreatness.Itishisfinesthour.

WinstonChurchill

Ihadn’tbeentotheOxfordMovieHallinyears.Initsheyday,itwasknownasthehippestplaceinthecitytoseefilms,rubshoulderswiththestarsandspendamemorableSaturdaynight.But the fast crowdhadmovedon to other venues,andtheownershadlettheOxfordrundown.Thoughmoviesstillplayedthere,theywere never the big releases, and the theater always remained half full atbest.

ItwasaTuesdaynight,andJulianhadaskedme tomeethim there for theseven o’clock showing of a documentary about a woman named OseolaMcCarty that was calledTheWasherwomanWho Touched theWorld. I knewnothing about the documentary, or about thewomanwhowas its subject, butJulian said itwas important that I learnmore about her life and I relished thethoughtofwatchingthemoviewithmybrother.

ThesixweeksthathadpassedsinceI learnedof theFourthMasteryof theFamilyLeader inMissWilliamson’sbackgardenhad seenchanges inmy lifethatcouldbestbedescribedasmiraculous.IhadtakenJulian’sadviceandwas

wellonmywaytobecomingalifetimememberofTheFiveO’clockClub.AtfirstIwasn’tatallsurethatIhaditinmetogetupatthattimeeverymorning,butaftersurvivingthefirstfewpainfulweeks, thehabitfit likeaglove.IntheextrahoursIgainedbygettingupearly,Iwouldcommunewithnature,meditateand read through the books of philosophy that Julian had been leaving on thecoffee table inour living room.Or Iwoulduse the time toplanoutmydays,strategizeaboutmylifeandfurtherdefinemydreams.Manymornings,Iwouldsimply sit in our uncluttered den and stare out the window at the huge rosegarden that Jon and I loved so much, savoring the silence and basking intranquillity.ThosetimesofsolitudebroughtdeepinsightsonhowIwastoliveout the rest ofmy days and the value that I could add to theworld if I trulybecame the leader that my family deserved. The French philosopher BlaisePascalwassorightwhenhesaid“Allman’smiseriesderivefromnotbeingabletositquietlyinaroomalone.”

I rose to higher levels of thinking and being over those six weeks,experiencingnewthoughtsandfeelingsIneverthoughtIowned.Icametoseetheworldasabetterandhappierplaceandfinallyfeltthatmyrolewithinitwasasignificantone.IgavemorelovetothekidsandJonthanI’deverbeenabletogiveinthepastand,inturn,IreceivedmorelovefromthemthanIeverthoughtpossible. The darkness that had always seemed to engulf my heart slowlysubsided, and I began to detect a sense of wonder in everything around me.Julianhadsaidthiswouldhappen.Anditdid.

Taking Julian’s advice about caring for the temple made a profoundimprovementinmyenergylevelandvastlyimprovedmymoodsaswell.Ifeltable to domorewith Jon and the children and enjoymore timewithmyself.KeepingajournalhelpedheightenmyawarenessofhowIwaslivingeachdayand conduct each one that followed more wisely. And the weekly sabbaticalconceptreconnectedmetomyinnersenseofspiritandjoy—somethingthatIhad lost somany years ago. I began to feel Iwas “lettingmy bigness” shinethrough,asJulianwouldsay,andliberatingmybestselfintheprocess.Andasmybrotherpromised,becomingabetterpersonmostcertainlymademeabetterparent.

ButImustalsoconfessthatIhadbeguntofeelalittlesad.Thoughhenevercamerightoutandsaidit,IgotthefeelingthatJulianwasplanningtoleaveus.Oneevening,asweallsatdownforourfamilymeal,heaskedJonhowlongitwouldtakeforapersontogettoMexicobybus.AnothernightheaskedPortertoprintoutamapofCanadaoff the Internet.Andonanotheroccasion, Julian

receivedaFedExpackagemarkedwiththemessage“EnclosedpleasefindyourinformationpackageonItaly.”IguessIknewinmyheartthatJulianhadcometo teachme the lessons Imost needed to learn inmy life and that once I hadlearnedthem,hewouldbeofftofindhisnextproject.Butmymindjustcouldn’taccept the fact that I might have to live the rest of my life without theenlightenedpresenceofthebrotherwhomIlovedsomuch.

AddingtomyuneasewerethestrangenoisesthatcontinuedtoemanatefromJulian’sroomabovethegarage.Thehammering,sawingandsandingsometimeswentonforhoursonend,withJulianfinallyemergingwithahugesmileonhisfaceandsawdustdancingoffhisrobe.Hedidn’ttellmewhathewasupto,andIdidn’taskhimwhatwasgoingonupthere.HenryDavidThoreauoncewrote“Ifamandoesnotkeeppacewithhiscompanions,perhapsitisbecausehehearsadifferentdrummer.Lethimsteptothemusicwhichhehears,howevermeasuredandfaraway.”GivingJulianhisspacewas,forme,allaboutlettinghimsteptohisownmusic.

AsIwalkedintothemoviehall,IsawnosignofJulian.Hehadtoldmetositinthe seventh row and to save him a seat in case he arrived late. As the lightsdimmed,anusherwalkedtothecenteroftheroom,andaspotlightilluminatedhis youthful face. He began to speak. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.Thanks for joiningushere tonightat theOxford for theeveningshowingofanewdocumentaryaboutaveryspecialwoman.Pleaseturnyourcellphonesoffand enjoy the show.” The theater was now completely dark, and the film’sopeningmusicstartedtoplay.Justthen,Ifeltataponmyarm.IlookedupandsawJuliancarrying two largebagsofpopcorn, twobigbottlesofspringwaterandabagofjellybeans.Onhisbackwasaknapsackwhichdrewcreasesacrossthefrontofhisrobe.

“Sorry I’m late, little sister. I was cleaning a few things up at home,” heofferedwithagrandsmile.

“Noproblem,Julian.IwasbeginningtothinkIwouldbestooduptonight,though,”Ilaughedashesatdownandpassedmemyportionofthegoodies.

“Not a chance, Catherine. I’ve been looking forward to tonight all week.Thisisanamazingstory,”hereplied,reachingoverandplantingalightkissonmyforehead.

The story of the life of Oseola McCarty was indeed amazing. Born intopoverty,shegrewupinatinyhousethatsheneverleftexcepttogoupthestreet

to buy groceries and to visit her church. She made her living washing otherpeople’s dirty laundry, carefully saving the nickels and the dimes and thequarters thatwereofferedtoher inreturn.Shenever learnedhowtodriveandshenevergotmarried—althoughshedidsaytoareporterwhenshewasinherlateeightiesthatshewas“stilllookingforagoodman.”Oseolalivedasimple,decentandfrugallife,dutifullyputtingasidethemoneythatsheearneddayafterday,weekafterweek,monthaftermonthasthedecadesslippedaway.

Oneday,attheageofeighty-seven,shewalkedintoherlocalbankandwasgreetedbyabankerwhoaskedherwhether shehadan ideahowofmuchshehad accumulated as a result of these small daily contributions she had beenmakingoverthecourseofherlife.Whensheindicatedthatshehadnoidea,hesmiledandinformedherthatoverone-quarterofamilliondollarssatinherbankaccount.SensingthatOseolahadnoconceptofhowmuchmoneythatwas,thebanker took out ten dimes and placed them on the counter. “These ten dimesrepresentyourmoney,Oseola.Whatwillyoudowiththem?”Shepointedtothefirstdimeandvowedtogiveittothechurch.Thenextthreedimeswerereservedfor her much-loved nieces and nephews. And then a lovely smile came toOseola’sfaceasshesaidthattheremainingdimesweretobeusedforsomethingveryspecial.

Onemonthlater,thelocaluniversityinOseola’shometownreceivedacheckfromherfor$150,000,witharequestthatitbeusedtosetupascholarshipfundtohelppoor students fulfill their dreams. I learned from thedocumentary thatthisactofhumanity touchedpeoplearound theworld.Oseolawashonoredbypresidents and primeministers and even received an honorary doctorate fromHarvardUniversity,Julian’salmamater.Throughallthehoopla,shemaintainedthatshestillwantedtoliveoutherlifeinasimpleandprincipledway.Butshedidhaveonedream—toseethefirstrecipientofthescholarshipshehadcreatedgracethegraduationstage.Butsheconfidedthatsheneverexpectedthatdreamtoberealizedgivenheradvancedage.OnemonthbeforeOseoladied,however,the first recipient of her scholarshipwalked across theplatform to receiveherreward.

AfterOseola passed away, a reporter called that young scholarshipwinnerandaskedherforacommentonthedeathofherbenefactor.Thestudentofferedthis response: “Heaven couldn’t have gotten a better angel. She was aninspiration,ablessing,atreasuretotheentireearth.”

Afterthedocumentaryendedandthecrowdhadleft,Julianbegantospeakintheemptymoviehall.

“‘Mankind’s common instinct for reality has always held the world to beessentiallyatheaterforheroism,’”werehisfirstwords,quotingWilliamJames,thebrilliantearlytwentieth-centurypsychologist.“Ibroughtyouheretothisoldtheaterthatourcityhasforgottentomakethisessentialpoint.

“Yourlife,Catherine,isultimatelyatheaterforheroism.Theremainingdaysof your life—and therewill bemany—must become a stage for noble acts ofleadershipandkindness,”spokeJulianwithheatedemotion.Idarednotinterject.

“Lookat the lifeofOseolaMcCarty,”hecontinued.“Shewashedpeople’sdirtyclothestomakeendsmeet.Shelivedinatinyhomeandwasunknowntotheworld.And yet through her small daily acts of contribution—saving thosecoins over all those years for aworthy cause—she blessed theworld.What agloriouslegacythiswomanleft.”

“Doweallhaveitwithinustoleavethiskindofalegacy?”Iaskedsoftly.“Absolutely. As amatter of fact, I learned from the sages that we are all

programmedtodosomethingspecialwithourlivesandliveonintheheartsofotherswhenwe leave.The sad thing is thatmost of us think that, in order toleaveasignificantlegacy,wemustperformsometrulygreatact.Onlythen,wefeel,will our lives be validated and our highest duties fulfilled.But that’s notwhatisrequiredofmostofus.Allweneedtodotoleaveameaningfulmarkontheworld is focus on performing small acts of greatness each and every day.Whenyoudothis,yourlegacywilltakecareofitself.”

“SortofhowOseolaMcCarty’ssmall,daily—seeminglyinsignificant—actsofdepositingthosecoinsintoheraccountaddeduptosomethinghugeattheendofherlife?”Iasked.

“Exactly,”repliedJulianwithasatisfiedlook.“Dothelittlethingswithgreatlove and attention and the big thingswill take care of themselves.And that’sreallywhat theFifthandfinalMasteryof theFamilyLeader isallabout:GiveYourChildImmortalitythroughtheGiftofaLegacy.”

“Wow, that one sounds incredible,” I said with a mix of excitement andsadness—thiswasthefinallessonIwastolearnfromJulian.

“Itisthemostimportantmasteryofall,Catherine.It’stheonethatrequiresyoutoteachPorterandSaritathatattheendoftheday,theirdestinyaspeopleisto live for somethingmore important than themselves.And if they accept thischallenge, as I know theywill, theywill achieve immortality in the sense thattheywillliveonintheheartsofthosewhoselivestheyhavetouched.”

Justthenthewords“DestinyPictures”flashedacrossthemoviescreen.“Didyouarrangethat,Julian?”

“No,”heresponded,“butitdoesspeaktomypoint.Yousee,weallhaveavital destiny thatwe are duty bound to follow if we hope to live our highestlives.ThinkofwhatVaclavHavelsaid:‘Therealtestofamanisnotwhenheplays therolehewants forhimself,butwhenheplays theroledestinyhas forhim.’”

“AndwhatcanIdotohelpPorterandSaritadiscoverthis‘vitaldestiny’?”“Easy,” replied Julian. “Coach them to listen to the gentlewhispers of the

holiestplacesoftheirhearts.”“Pleasedoexplain,”Irequested,asacleanerwalkedinandbeganmopping

upthefloor.“Goodevening,Mr.Mantle,”hesaid.“Julian,doeseveryoneknowyou?”Iaskedinwonder.“Imean,howwould

eventhenightcleanerofthisparticulartheaterknowyou?”“Because I’ve been here to see this documentary about ten times over the

past fewweeks,”he repliedwitha laugh. “Oseola’s story is agood lesson forme. It remindsme of the importance of contribution, ofmakingmy life evenmore valuable by living it for others—by giving it over to the benefit of theworld.Anyway,toansweryourquestion,listeningtothegentlewhispersoftheholiestplacesoftheheartisallaboutdiscovering—andthenheeding—thecallsthatcomefromthedeepestplacewithinyou.Sometimeswehearthesewhisperswhenwearecompletelyconnectedwithnature,whileweareoutforasolitarywalk in thewoods on amagnificent autumn day, for example. Sometimeswehearthesewhisperswhileweareexperiencingsilence—inmeditationoranotherform of contemplation. And sometimes these calls come to us in life’s mosttrying and seemingly hopeless moments, like when someone we love dies orwhen one of our dreams shatters. The point of wisdom is simply this: payattentionandbeawareof the innervoices thatwill leadyoudown thepathofyourdestiny.Listentowhatyourhearttellsyoutodo.Andcommityourselftolivingoutyourdestinysoyouwillleaveameaningfullegacy.”

“I’mnotsureifIknowhowIcanteachthistothekidsattheagethey’reat,”Iconfided.

“Youarethebestjudgeofthat,Catherine.Yes,theyareyoung,butyoujustmightfindthatit’sanidealtimetogivethemanappreciationoftheimportanceof listening to their hearts as well as living in a way that is helpful to otherpeople.Atleastgivethemanunderstandingoftheimportanceofenjoyingsilentmoments.Astheygetolder,letthemknowthatnomatterwhattheydecidetodofora living, theywill receiveyourunconditional loveandsupport.Sharewith

them how essential a regular period of soul searching is for their continuedevolution. Inspire them to dreamgreatly and to see that success in life comesfrom living ina significantway, that is,away thatcontributes to theworld insome measure. A superb question that you should encourage them to askthemselvesoverandoverissimply:‘HowcanIbemostusefulandvaluabletotheworld?’Another excellentquestion is ‘What is thehighestuseofmy timeandtalents?’Kierkegaardonceobservedthatthemainresponsibilityofahumanbeingisto‘findanideaforwhichtheycanliveanddie.’I’dhavetoagree.Todiscoveracompellingcausethatyouwouldbewillingtodiefor,someaimthatcanhelpevenone life improveand that firesupyoursoul, is tobegin to trulylive. And at that moment, the entire universe becomes an agent for yoursuccess.”

“Really?”“Mostcertainly,”repliedJulianwithcompleteconfidence.“Theuniversehas

agrandplanforeachandeveryoneofus.Onceyoufigureoutwhattheplanisandtakestepstoalignyourselfwithit,sparksstarttofly.Somyfinallessontoyou is that you teach those lovely, intelligent, wonderful kids of yours thatgreatnessasahumanbeingcomesfrombeginningsomethingintheirlivesthatdoesnotendwiththem.”

“You’retalkingaboutstartingsomethingthatlivesonaftertheirlivesend?Alegacy?”

“Yes. See, the deepest need of the human heart is the need to live forsomethingmoreimportantthanourselves.IfPorterandSaritagetthatpoint—ifnothing else—they will succeed in a way that will astonish you. I’m talkingabout success in the truest sense. Success that goes far beyond having a niceBMW parked in the driveway or beautiful suits to wear to work. I’m talkingaboutthekindofsuccessthatfillstheworldwithlightandwithgreaterlove.I’mtalking about the kind of success thatmakes people want to bemore and domore forothers. I’mspeakingof thekindof success thatwouldmakeyou theproudestparentontheplanet.”

“I’mspeechless,”Isaid,astearswelledupinmyeyes.“Eachandeveryoneofusneedstoaskourselves,notjustasparentsbutas

people,‘WhatwillmylifestandforafterIhavedied?’Weneedtothinkaboutthefootprintswewillleaveandhowfuturegenerationswillknowthatwehavelived.I’mnotsayingweallhavetobeGandhisorMotherTeresas.Thosewerethepathsthatweremappedoutforthosepeople.WhatIamsayingisthatweallneed to conduct our lives in away that will transcend ourselves.We need to

avoid being shallow and complaining that theworldwill not take care of us.Instead,weneed to takecareofourworldand liveoutourdays inawaythatshows compassion, concern and care for others. We need to let go of theshacklesthatkeepourthoughtsrestrainedandouractionssmall,anddaretoseewhatourbestselvesreallylooklike.Todothis,Catherine,tobethis,istotrulylive.Givethegiftofthiswisdomtoyourchildrenandyouwillbedoinganobledeedasaparent.Governyourlifebyitandyouwillensurethatyouwillalwaysbeagreatperson.”

“Thanks, Julian,” I replied lovingly, as Julian reachedover andgaveme atenderhugthatfilledmewithwarmthanddeepemotion.

“Catherine.”“Yes,”Iresponded,fearingtheworst.“Tonightismylastnightwithyou.I’vesaidgoodbyetoJonandthechildren,

andnowImustdothesamewithyou.This is themostdifficultpartingofmylife.IsodearlywishIcouldlivewithyouuntilIdie,butthatisnotwhatIhavebeencalledtodo.IpromisedtheGreatSagesofSivanathatIwouldspreadthewisdomtheysogenerouslysharedwithmewiththosewhoneedtohearit,andthatistheworkImustcontinuetodo.Iloveyousoverymuch,andamsoproudofthethingsyouhavebeendoing,aswellasthewomanthatyouhavebecome.You have embraced The FiveMasterieswith open arms and are leading yourfamilytoaplaceofgreatness.Youhavegrownintoawiseguideandapowerfullightthatwillleadyourlovedonesandothersinyourlifetoanunderstandingofwhatweareallmeanttodowhileweresideintheworld.”

JulianthenclosedhiseyesandclaspedhishandstogetherinthetraditionalIndianway.“Ihonorthebestwithinyou,littlesister.Iwillalwaysbewithyouasyoujourneyalonglife’sroad.Iwillalwaysbenearyouasyouovercomelife’schallenges.AndIwillalwaysbesendingyouthepurestloveofabrotherasyoushareyourswithyour family.”Aftera longpauseheadded:“May thesaddestdaysofyourfuturebefarfarhappierthanthehappiestdaysofyourpast,littlesister.Iloveyou.”

Andwith that, Juliankissedmegentlyonmy forehead, brushed the fallenmorselsofpopcornoffhisrobeandranoutofthetheater,whereIhadlearnedwhatheroisminthisgiftwecalllifeisallabout.

I sat in my seat for what seemed to be an eternity, my heart filled withsadnessatthelossthatIfelt.Finally,Istoodupandpreparedtoleave.Jonwouldbewonderingwhere I was, and I still had tomake the children’s lunches forschoolthenextday.AsImovedtowardthedoor,somethingfellofftheseatthat

Julianhadbeensittingonandfell to thefloorwithaclank. Ipicked itupandcarried itoutof the theater into the street,where Iwasgreetedby the shiningbeamsofastrikinglybeautifulharvestmoon.

Itwas the key to Julian’s room above the garage.A typed label had beenattached to it reading:Thekey towisdom lieswithinyourownhome. Iwasn’tsurewhatJulianwasreferringto,butIplacedthekeyinmypurse,wipedawaythetearsthathadcontinuedtofallandmademywaytomyfamily.Onahunch,IdecidedtogouptoJulian’sroombeforegoinginsideourhouse.Iwalkedupthestepsand inserted thekey into the lock.Hehad left the lightson forme.As Iwalkedintothesmallbutimpeccablykeptroom,IwasastonishedbywhatIsaw.

The entire room had been transformed into a magnificent library, withornately bound books lining the most beautiful shelves I had ever seen. Thesmellofsandalwoodwaftedthroughtheairandafeelingofdeeppeacepulsedthroughmybody. I lookedat thebooks,whichborenames likeAManual forLiving by Epictetus, The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius and Letters from aStoic by Seneca. The collection had been lovingly treated and organizedwithimmensecare.

IthenfoundanotefromJulian.Itread:

Wordscannotexpressmyloveforyou,Porter,SaritaandJonsoIwillnoteventrytodoso.Instead,mydearsisterCatherine,IwillgiveyouthegreatestgiftIknow of—the gift of wisdom. This library, containing some of the mostimportantbookseverwritten,isforPorterandSarita.Itismygreathopethatyou and Jonwill sharemany happymoments andmany great times up herewith these two very special children.And as you all learn from the pages oftheseextraordinarybooks,perhapsyouwillthinkofme.

Thenotewassigned“Inleadershipandinlove,yourbrotherJulian.”AsIwalkedoutofournewlibraryanddowntherecentlypaintedsteps,my

heart danced with joy. I felt exhilarated and excited by the promise of ourfamily’sfuture.Ifeltwiser,happierandmoreenlightenedthaneverbefore.AsIenteredmyhome,IpausedtoenjoythesongthatgentlyflowedoutoftheopenwindowofJulian’sroom—hehadleftthecdplayerrunning.ThewordsIheard— “What a wonderful world”—began to make me cry. Then they made mesmile.

AbouttheAuthor

Robin Sharma is one of North America’s most widely respected leadershipexperts and the author of six books, including the runaway internationalbestsellerTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrari, itssequelLeadershipWisdomfromTheMonkWhoSoldHisFerrariandWhoWillCryWhenYouDie?,alsomajorbestsellers. Robin Sharma is also one of the brightest stars in the world ofprofessional speaking,keynotingatover85conferencesayear forFORTUNE500companiesaswellasotherassociationsandorganizationsthatarededicatedtoinspiringtheirpeopletoshowgreaterleadershipinallthattheydo.

Aformer lawyerwhoholds two lawdegrees, includingaMaster’sofLaw,Robin Sharma is the founder and CEO of Sharma Leadership International(SLI),afirmthatoffersawiderangeofservicesandproductstohelpemployeesat every level realize their highest potential and addmore value to theworld.Withoffices inSanFranciscoandToronto,SLIalsoruns thehighlyacclaimedRobin Sharma Coaching Program™, a revolutionary coaching process whereindividualshavetheuniqueopportunitytohaveRobinworkwiththemastheirpersonal coachover thecourseofoneyear tocreate the lives they trulywant.SharmaLeadership International also offers TheMonthlyCoach® program, abook/tapeof themonthclubwhereRobinpersonally selectsnewmaterial thatwill enhance your growth and enrich your lives and sends it to you every 30days.Formoreinformationonanyoftheseservices,ortoseeourcompletelineoflearningproducts,visitwww.robinsharma.comorcall1-888-RSHARMA.

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KEYNOTESANDSEMINARSWITHROBINSHARMA

RobinSharmaisoneoftheworld’smostsought-afterprofessionalspeakersonleadership, elite performance, managing change and personal discovery. Hispioneering insights on these topics have made him the first choice oforganizations seeking a high-profile keynote speaker or seminar leaderwhosemessagewilltransformlives,createtangibleresultsandrestorecommitmentandproductivity in these uncertain times. Robin’s extraordinarily inspirationalpresentations are fully customized through a unique research process, rich inpracticalcontentthatyourpeoplecanuseimmediately,andcarefullydesignedtohelpindividualsmovetoall-newlevelsofperformance,passion,creativityandindividualfulfillment.

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MarnieBallaneVPofSpeakingServicesSharmaLeadershipInternationalTel:1.888.RSHARMA(774.2762)e-mail:marnie@robinsharma.com