7

Bitch

Barbie is a

exist.and Ken does not

pugwash nov ‘09

8

simply a fragment of my distorted imagination, losing him made me realise that relationships at uni are not all they are cracked up to be. We thrive on being able to go out and look good just to catch his eye, or to see if they will write on our “Facebook wall”, because, to be honest, the majority of us follow it as if it were the bible. But, as cliché as it sounds, there are

Every outfit she could possibly dream of, her own hospital, airport… Let’s face it; the busty blonde has it all, including the man. Battling through my third and final year (sob), the only relationship I will be having, is with the most joyous of essays and the dreaded Dissertation. Nevertheless, my first year was nothing short of flirtatious outings dressed as a Baywatch wannabe, meeting who would be, my “angelic” boyfriend.Romance was not our forte. Instead, we relied on the ignorant banter comments which more than often would leave me in anything but “the mood”. Does Barbie have these issues? Well, if you have not guessed already, we didn’t last. Ken was no more (even if he was to begin with). Yet, like most hormonal females, there were tears; days of walking around like a zombie, calling myself “Fat”, despite being a healthy size 8 and daydreaming of how I would get this beau back. It was official. I was 100% crazy.

Truth of the matter is, Barbie does not have to deal with the time of the month, essay writing, and hangovers. The girl is immaculate 24/7 and in 20 years when I turn 40, okay, 41, she will still be the same blonde, busty, slim bitch. Furthermore, unlike this plastic doll who’s happiness and love life is

plenty more fish in the sea. And, for the mass of students, that sea has a tide of 3 years, all of which consist of hangovers, student portals and tutors who invite you to the pub at 4pm.Therefore, all hail and praise the single life. Make the most of Uni without the drama! Love, 2.5 and Ken will just have to wait.

Silvia Mendes

Silvia explains why Barbie has it best when it comes to her attitude with men...

''Barbie does not

have to deal with the

time of the month,

essay writing, and

hangovers.''

A column about love, sex and magic.

1 The things men do when they want some: A friend had the pleasure of a guy who used to text her during a normal conversation and asked “Do you want to hear me...?” I’m sure

you can work out the rest for yourself. He response? “No thanks.” She thinks he was be a bit of a nympho as she often had missed video calls and pleas from him to turn on her webcam. Even though she didn’t, he would turn on his and would be doing certain things to himself. Delightful.

2 Men are like buses. You wait ages for one and then they all come along at once. For some reason, about three ex boyfriends decided to get back in touch. Nothing happened as too much

time had passed and our lives were going in different directions.

3 I decided to be proactive and gave my number to a friend of a friend (not something I usually do). The next day I received a text from him and he didn’t take two hours to reply to every

text I sent, which was quite a novelty. I found out that he was a bit posh and into polo and sailing; things that don’t really interest me. Assumptions aside, we met up. I was pleasantly surprised as he was polite throughout our date and for a rare occasion, I had an even-sided intelligent conversation with someone who did, in fact, share some common interests. Unfortunately, there weren’t any sparks, but it was nice to meet someone new - maybe posh boys are the way forward!

Steph Hall

Sex and the Single

Girl in the City

pugwash nov ‘09Designed by Bex Watson

Nora explains how the past three years were the worst of her life and at least now, after a year at uni, she can look forward to the next three. I am sure I am not the first person to think that love is a crazy thing as it drives people mad. I may only be 19, but sadly I know what love and lust can do to people.Some people see sex or making love as something that should wait until marriage, for the one they love, something beautiful; I personally thought this was slightly extreme, but I still did not want to throw away my first time, we only get one first time. I lost my virginity at 16 and we had the typical teenage conversation of sex about who my first time was, they had no shame in sharing theirs, but how do I tell them that I was raped and never knew who it was?I do not want any sympathy and I am over it now, but it has made me who I am, and it has given me a very cold view of sex.

The Crazy Things

Afterwards, I moved on when I started seeing this guy seven months later. I tried to make it a normal relationship but we only went out for a few months and afterwards, he came out gay. Even at 16, you expect people not to make fun of you, but I was called “the girl who turns guys gay”. This added to why I learnt not to trust men. Later on, there was one guy who made me trust men for the first time again. He took an overdose of pills and Jack Daniels because I ended our relationship. He made it through his five day coma with no lasting damage and received the proper mental health help.He took the overdose while I was on holiday a few days after I ended it; I thought the week away would do us good. Honestly, while away, I was regretting my decision and considered getting back together with him. My phone had so many texts and voicemails, but none of them made any sense until I called

his mum. The next few months of my life were a blur. How was a 17 year-old meant to act when a guy was minutes away from death because of something they had done? I spent those months drinking and wasted since I did not know what to do. All I could do was read and re-read his suicide note: “Having you break my heart was the final nail in the coffin”. We do not speak anymore which was his decision, and I completely understand and wish him the best, but I still keep up to date with his progress through his friends. So after having such a rocky start to my life with love, sex and men, I thought I had become strong against these feelings until last summer when I met this guy, who I really fancied. At the risk of losing him again, I told him all about my past when he realised that I always acted strange around him and he was very understanding. We both knew what was around the corner, at the end of September when the first year of university started, and

we would be miles apart. He finally ended the relationship one month into university. We are still friends but I cannot let go and it kills me inside. We have the drunken kiss when we see but I guess that is force of habit.I have been enjoying my stay at the University of Portsmouth and I have made new friends whilst convincing myself that the next three years of my life cannot be as bad the last three.

Written: NoraDesign: Bex Watson

Love Can Do.

In the words of Pixie Lott, ‘All the boys and the girls have got it going on.’ Or have they? It seems that dating can be a minefield at the best of times, so what’s a girl to do? Having spoken to my fellow singletons, we have decided that men like to send mixed messages - one minute it’s text o’clock, the next, nada. After a male friend read my last column he had some words to say:

Guys do not check their phones constantly - keep yourself busy if you feel like you’re waiting! If he is inter-ested he will contact you, guys just don’t like to be rushed.

Keep your options open and accept every social invitation. If things are casual, then enjoy yourself and the company of others. (Simon told me he was seeing two girls at a time, but facebook made this difficult. In short, don’t add him).

Sex and the Single girl in the City

If you aren’t interested in someone, then don’t return their calls or texts (Simon’s words, not mine! Ladies, I told him this was harsh, but maybe we need to think more like men).

1. Guys do not ring up their mates just because they ‘fancied a chat’, so have a purpose for the phone call.

2.

3.

4.

So, if he hasn’t rung or text you, it’s not the end of the world. As Gok would say, “Get out their girlfriend and enjoy yourself.” Life’s too short to worry about small things like this.

Words: Steph Hall

Cadbury’s has been a part of our British heritage since the 1800’s. It has expanded over the years, with products being sold in over 60 countries worldwide. Many of us have grown up with Cadbury’s legendary brand, providing many cherished fond memories from our childhood. We have grown up with it, whether it is through advertising of the quirky gorilla advert, or the sexy bunny that comes out at Easter,

each of us have an association with the brand and British culture. Some children are taken on school trips to visit one of the few British owned brands left, or take a trip to the chocolate factory in Birmingham to see with their own eyes where it is all made. However, this all could be in jeopardy. The iconic British brand has recently come under threat by American chocolate giant Kraft’s, who have placed a bid to

takeover the company, leading to uncertainty about the future of Cadbury’s employees. Many people feel hostile towards the transition of the company being taken over by Kraft’s, as people feel they are not only losing another British firm to America, but they are loosing part of their heritage and culture. With the Americanization of many brands it looks as if Cadburys will be another victim of America’s wrath.

the loSS of Cadbury’S, a loSS of our britiSh Culture

Words: Claire LordingDesign: Bex Watson