The South Jersey DEVILer: Optimists want speed boats, pessimists want life preservers.

A Delaware Bay: recreational boater, a

crabber, and an old oysterman went into a

bar and each ordered a beer. Each found a

fly in their beer.

The recreational boater looked in his beer

and said, "hey bartender I have a fly in my

beer. Give me another beer."

The crabber looked in his beer, found the

fly, reached in an

picked it out and

continued drinking.

The old oysterman

looked in his beer,

saw the fly, grabbed it by the wings, shook

it over the glass and yelled, "Spit it out,

Spit it out!"

HOW ABOUT A GAME OF ‘BRIDGE’? Applying for a new position as a cleaning lady, the woman was asked why she had left her previous job. "I just wasn't comfortable with their immoral behavior," she replied. "Really? Like what did they do?" "Well, they played some sexual game they called 'Bridge.' One night I heard a man say, 'Lay down and let's see what you've got.' Then another man said, 'I've got strength but no length.' And another man said, 'Take your hand off my trick!' A woman said, 'You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise.' Another woman talked about 'protecting her honor.' And another woman said, 'It's time for me to play with your husband and you to play with mine.' But the final straw was when I heard, 'It's time to go home. This is the last rubber'!"

A rather old U.S. Navy minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser. All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker-light message to the Aussies: "You are beautiful." Less than 10 seconds later, the Aussie ship blinkered back: "I'll bet you say that to all the ships." Charlie B., Camden, NJ USS Scout

Q: What did the fisherman say to the

magician?

A: Take a cod, any cod.

"They sent specialists down to the Gulf to start a controlled fire on the ocean to burn the oil off. That's how you know when things are bad, when the ocean on fire is an improvement."

Jay Leno

A carrier pigeon stopped to rest on the window sill in the Pentagon

building. Close behind him came another pigeon who stopped off to

talk. “Where you going?’ asked the second pigeon.

“To section C to deliver an Army order,”

answered the first. “What’s the number of the

order?” “5348A-H855-21Z,” replied the first.

“Better get a move on,” said the second. “I got an

order to rescind it.”

"A company in Britain has

created a car that can be powered

by human waste. It's cool, but it

gets a little uncomfortable when

your buddy asks you to 'chip in'

for gas." Jimmy Fallon