QuantumSuccess

8 Key Catalysts

to Shift Your Energy

into Dynamic Focus

BOBBI DEPORTER

Learning Forum Publications

QuantumSuccess

Published by Learning Forum Publications

Copyright © 2006 Bobbi DePorter. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any

means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any

information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing

from the publisher.

Submit all requests for reprinting to:

Learning Forum Publications

1938 Avenida del Oro

Oceanside, CA 92056

760-722-0072

Cover design by Greenleaf Book Group LP

Interior design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group LP

Library of Congress Control Number: 2006920933

ISBN-10: 0-9455253-8-9

ISBN-13: 978-0-9455253-8-7

Printed in the United States of America

08 07 06 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To all of you who strive to attain and live Quantum Success.

To my partner and husband Joe Chapon, my children

Grant and Dana and my grandchildren Bryan, Sarah,

Hannah and Margo . . . you light up my life.

Contents

ix Definition

xi Foreword

xiii Acknowledgments

Part I: The Twenty-first Century Is a Swirling Vortex of Change—And This

Book Is Your Ticket to Ride

3 Chapter 1: What Is Quantum Success?

9 Chapter 2: My Ride to Quantum Success

23 Chapter 3: You Are Capable of Quantum Success

Part II: Carry Your Vision into the World

31 Chapter 4: Ignite Your Inner Vision

45 Chapter 5: Be Your Vision

49 Chapter 6: Reflect Your Vision in Your Environment

55 Chapter 7: Seek Relationships !at Support Your Vision

Part III: Propel Your Vision: 8 Key Catalysts

67 Chapter 8: Key Catalyst Live What You Value

75 Chapter 9: Key Catalyst Failure Leads to Success

83 Chapter 10: Key Catalyst Speak With Good Purpose

97 Chapter 11: Key Catalyst !is Is It!

105 Chapter 12: Key Catalyst Commit Yourself

113 Chapter 13: Key Catalyst Take Ownership

123 Chapter 14: Key Catalyst Stay Flexible

131 Chapter 15: Key Catalyst Keep Your Balance

Part IV: Speed Your Ride with Adaptability Skills

139 Chapter 16: Understand Behavior and Learning Styles

153 Chapter 17: Make Visual Connections

167 Chapter 18: !ink in Creative Ways

179 Chapter 19: Maximize Your Memory

Part V: Live Your Quantum Success: Meaning Is the Reason

for the Ride

193 Chapter 20: Quantum Joy: Live What Lights You Up

Quantum Success:

Quantum Success is the energy shift that occurs when

the 8 Key Catalysts and adaptability skills propel your

inner vision into dynamic focus.

Foreword

For me, the energy shift that propelled my vision into dynamic

focus was the result of a series of fast-spinning life events that

culminated in the summer of 1982 in the meadows of Lake Tahoe.

My partners and I had just completed our first SuperCamp for

kids. !e premise of the camp was that every kid has a hidden

genius; the goal of the camp, to help them bring it out.

On the first full day, the kids had walked in full of uncertainty.

When they walked out ten days later, they were radiating joy,

enthusiasm, and energy. !ey’d discovered themselves.

I remember one particular kid who came in very quiet and

shy. He went through the whole experience slowly and hesitantly,

and I felt the whole time as though I just couldn’t get a read on

him. !en, at the end, when we all gathered to make our farewell

speeches, he got up and spoke to the entire group about how much

the experience had done for him. He said it changed his life.

In that moment, everything snapped into clarity. I realized

that my inner vision of helping kids discover their greatness, and

the need I saw in the world had all come together—bam! I had

become my vision, which made it possible for me to focus all my

energies here and continue in this direction. From that day I had

the sense that I was moving faster and faster in a direction that felt

like what my life was all about.

Looking back twenty-five years, I attribute my achievements to

living the 8 Key Catalysts that continue to propel me forward and

make what I do meaningful and successful. !is is my personal

Quantum Success, and my goal in this book is to share its secrets

with you.

Your ride to Quantum Success may begin with a sudden realiza-

tion or a gradual series of Ahas. By mastering the 8 Key Catalysts

xii

and developing your adaptability, you too will carry your vision

into the world with skill and joy.

I wrote this book to help you get there faster—to an amazing

place of life fulfillment.

Bobbi DePorter, 2006

Acknowledgments

!is book evolved like the process it describes. With clear focus

I began with a plan, a discussion, and then a new plan, and on it

went. I’m a believer in team and process . . . and I trust the dance.

What a truly marvelous, talented team supported this project.

Direct, honest communication, putting ideas on the table, starting

again . . . I feel very honored to have this support.

!e ideas and story have accumulated over thirty years with so

many wonderful, cherished people who have influenced my life

and development.

A dear friend, SuperCamp parent, and supporter, DeeDee

DeMan Williams, introduced me to someone she knew had the

experience, talent, and vision to further ours. Sue Baechler “got”

our vision—saw it, knew it, believed in it—and jumped in and

has been supporting our direction to get what she believes is an

important message out to the world.

Sue, in turn, introduced us to others. I’m honored to have the

support of Ken Atchity, who I would best describe as director. He

teaches through his directness, seeing what needs to happen and

sharing his expertise. And Ken brought on others . . .

I’m very grateful for Julie Mooney’s experienced and flowing

writer’s mind, and the patience and project supervision of Andrea

McKeown of !e Writer’s Lifeline.

Clint Greenleaf was brought in to produce the book package

and help us get it in your hands. It was a fitting, fun surprise when

Clint and I remembered each other from the ‘80s—another suc-

cessful SuperCamp graduate. I appreciate the caring work from

Clint and his team at Greenleaf Book Group, in particular our

project leader Lari Bishop.

xiv

I’m appreciative of all the wonderful, talented, supportive peo-

ple I get to work with at QLN. Our SuperCamp Programs Man-

ager Steve Arrowood was ready and willing to read through the

text and comment on ideas to keep them true to who we are. Our

facilitators and staff shared many stories that supported this book.

We ride on the shoulders of all the people along SuperCamp’s

path . . . oh my goodness, so many . . . who have believed and given

of themselves and their talent to further our vision.

Someone who greatly influenced my life’s direction and vision

is Marshall !urber, my former partner at the Burklyn Business

School. His vision, ideas, and teachings continue to inspire many.

!e business school lives on through the leadership of my long-

time friend DC Cordova.

I thank my friends DC, Vishara Veda, Jerry Weinerth, Steve

Curtis, and Bill Galt who supported me when I most needed it.

You know the story.

I thank and acknowledge my SuperCamp cofounders, Eric Jen-

sen and Greg Simmons. It was quite the exhilarating and exhaust-

ing ride of faith when we began. !ank you for the partnership

that formed and launched our program.

My family has been truly supportive as I share the story that

they lived. My children, Grant and Dana, my daughter-in-law

Joanna and son-in-law Michael, and my grandchildren bring

meaning and joy to the ebb and flow of life. I appreciate my sisters

and our gatherings to share stories of our youth. In the memory of

my mom, dad, and first husband, Don: I feel very blessed.

How wonderful to share a vision, purpose, and life with my

partner and husband, Joe Chapon. You bring my life into dynamic

focus and keep me grounded with your loving support.

And my thanks to a generous group of readers who committed

to previewing the Quantum Success manuscript and sharing their

feedback. !eir collective imprint is in this book, and I acknowl-

edge each of them by publishing their names in this first edition:

xv

Randy Becraft, Nicole Bulone, Anne Bushong, Mary Dunn, Laura

Forkner, Barbara Gee, Dan Jarmel, Jodi Johnson, Paul Kim, Annie

Kim, John Klocke, Beth Moe, Patty McCullough, Alicia McMa-

nus, Colleen King Ney, Shushma Patel, Marianne Radtke.

Now it’s in your hands—the readers I haven’t met yet, but truly

hope to hear from if this book has the impact on your lives that it

has had for others. Enjoy!

QuantumSuccess

PART I

The Twenty-First Century Is a Swirling Vortex of

Change—And This Book Is Your Ticket to Ride

CHAPTER 1

What Is Quantum Success?

4 Quantum Success

When I learn something new—and it happens every day—

I feel a little more at home in this universe.

—Bill Moyers

Quantum Success is a term I coined to describe a phenomenon

that takes place in people’s lives when their personal inter-

action with the world transforms from energy into radiance.

I borrowed the word “quantum” that Albert Einstein brought

to physics in the middle of the last century because the energy

reaction that occurs in people’s lives when they achieve Quantum

Success is like the radiance he described at the atomic level. When

these forces come together, they create a detonation. A profound

transformation. A cosmic Aha.

Quantum Success is exponential. It lights up your life. It cannot

be left at the office; it spills over into every aspect of your being.

And it’s the best way to shout back to the avalanche of chaos in

modern life, because it is a change-transcendent success.

What brings people to this moment of radiance? It’s a position-

ing. An attitude. It’s about falling in love with yourself, your abil-

ity to learn, and your ability to transform the world. You have to

work toward it by reaching inside yourself and living in harmony

with that person moment-by-moment, answering to whatever life

throws at you by adapting your knowledge and skills to serve your

true mission in life. In sum, it’s a personal vision, catalyzed by

learning and life skills. It’s vision-driven adaptability.

Most of the adaptability skills I introduce aren’t new, and the

Key Catalysts I promote have been around for millennia in the

form of good old-fashioned character and smart living. But when

you combine this adaptability with the anchor that these princi-

ples provide, and put them together with your own personal vision,

they create an explosion!

What Is Quantum Success? 5

Carry Your Vision into the World:

Vision Cuts a Swath Through Chaos

Your vision is the overall direction in which your life is moving—

the place where your values meet your deepest burning desires. It’s

the place where you perform the utmost service to humankind by

being who you’re truly meant to be. I am not talking about your

goals, though goals play a part in your vision. It’s not a destination,

per se, because there’s no end point for the journey, save death.

It goes on as long as you do. Your vision gives a context to your

journey—it gives the whole process a focal point. It’s you as an

engine, you as a rocket. It’s you making a difference in the world

by knowing yourself well enough to know the difference you’re

here to make.

Propel Your Vision: These 8 Key Catalysts

Keep You Moving Forward

Quantum Success requires a coming together of all three elements.

Vision without principles becomes ruthless. It can get so wrapped

up in its own creation that it damages others, and in so doing,

destroys its own mission, which is to serve. !e 8 Key Catalysts,

which you’ll discover in Part !ree, are to human life what gravity

and the laws of matter are to the universe. !ey are the driving

forces that propel our lives, and once you know how to harness

them, they’ll work for you.

!ese 8 Key Catalysts keep your journey true. In the midst

of massive adaptation and knowledge acquisition, they help you

remain focused on the reasons you’re learning all this stuff. I use

the term Key Catalysts to describe them because they are the “keys”

to making our visions worth realizing, and the “catalysts” that turn

random energy into directed energy, just as a propulsion system on

a rocket takes an explosion and turns it into a launch.

6 Quantum Success

Speed Your Ride: Adaptability Skills

Put You Light-Years Ahead

!e third element in this explosive mix is adaptability. No mat-

ter how compelling your vision or how stalwart your character,

you cannot realize much of your vision if you’re not able to adapt

to the realities of the world in which you’re operating. !e need

for guided change and ongoing knowledge acquisition has always

existed, but in the twenty-first century, it’s vital.

!e effective twenty-first-century person is a quantum learner,

acquiring new knowledge quickly, deeply, and in many directions.

Quantum learners process what they learn creatively, and can

retrieve it an apply it in all kinds of new combinations. !ey are

action-oriented: they learn in order to adapt.

Your Personal Aha: Quantum Success

Shifts Energy into Dynamic Focus

When these three elements come together, your energy changes.

When all your energy is behind your clear vision, you have

dynamic focus. You experience a transformation, a shift in the

person you are. It’s a shift in the way you learn, the way you live,

and the way you interact with the people in your world. When

this spontaneous “aha” happens to you, you become more creative,

engaged, participatory, and enthusiastic. You’ll experience suc-

cess on a quantum level: meaningful success, whole-life success,

change-transcendent success.

Here’s the best news of all: you are capable of making this leap

into radiance. You’re probably far more adept at the mechanics of

success than you realize—you’ve just never before marshaled all

your success skills in this particular way. You don’t need me to give

you anything to make you a success; you already are one.

What Is Quantum Success? 7

I’ve experienced Quantum Success for myself. I stumbled into

it seemingly by accident, though nothing of this magnitude could

ever truly be accidental. I’ll begin with the story of my quantum

discovery, then I’ll devote the rest of the book to helping you dis-

cover yours.

Ignite Your Inner Vision

What’s inner vision? It’s the overall direction your life

is moving. It’s not a destination, but a direction, because

as long as you’re alive, you’re never finished. As soon as

one leg of your ride is completed, another one opens up

before your feet. Your inner vision is what gives context

to the ride—it’s the reason behind each step you take.

What You’ll Discover in This Chapter:

needs your inner vision

safe as a “pleaser”

CHAPTER 4

32 Quantum Success

Vision abides . . . it is the only thing that abides.

—Miguel de Unamuno

Vision, by definition, is a matter of the heart. It’s the story of

the love affair between you and the world. Inner vision is

about acting from a belief that things can be even better than they

are—and that you’re somebody who can make them better.

Visions and dreams can be individual or shared: your unique

inner vision directs your personal success; the dream you build with

others in your group directs the success of the group as a whole.

Vision makes the difference not only in businesses, but in families,

community organizations, charitable foundations—in any group

of individuals who are striving together toward a common goal.

Close-knit families and community groups have always known

this, but the idea’s been slow to trickle into the business world.

Until the last few decades, many people assumed that matters of

the heart didn’t belong in business, which was about things that

could be measured and exchanged. Today we’re coming to under-

stand that the most magnificent businesses are all about people

and passions—even though the end product or service may still

be measured and exchanged. A company can nurture personal

growth and still succeed—in fact, doing so creates a far more

meaningful success because it comes from inner vision instead of

being imposed from outside. Any endeavor, whether a business

venture, a group effort, or a personal quest, gets its power from

inner vision.

Vision gives you a deeper reason for doing what you do. It adds

meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. When something goes wrong,

inner vision can keep you from giving up, because you’re more

committed to the journey than to the outcome of any one endeavor.

Ignite Your Inner Vision 33

And when things go right, when something happens that rings

a note in harmony with your inner vision, you get excited: “Yes!

!at’s why I’m here!” When you operate from a strong sense of

your own inner vision, you don’t need to prop up your motivation

with superficial rewards and external stimuli; your motivation runs

deep and true because it’s powered from within.

Vision gives what you do a context. Marshall #urber, my part-

ner in the business school, explains it like this: Imagine a bowl of

fruit. #e fruit is the content; the bowl is the context. #e fruit is

the outcome: your product, your service, the end result that you

have to offer the world. #e bowl holds the fruit in place; without

it, the fruit would be scattered and lost. An endeavor is only as

strong as its context. When the context is loose—in other words,

when the bowl is weak—people are frustrated and the endeavor

is inefficient and unproductive. When context is strong and well-

defined, people are propelled by a sense of purpose.

Vision is what gives the whole context its cohesion. It’s the

shape these things form when you step back and view them all

together.

Whatever your dream, context will likely be the bulk of where

your efforts will be focused. #ink of a rocket ship’s payload. #e

cargo on board may be as little as 10 percent of what has to go up,

but the other 90 percent (rocket fuel, frame, propulsion systems)

is necessary to launch the cargo.

What is inner vision made of? #e raw ingredients of inner

vision are values, desires, and talents. But these ingredients alone

are inert. Your inner vision only becomes activated when you see

that your values, desires, and talents fulfill a need. Your passions

and dreams graduate to inner vision status the day you put them

into service for others.

Let’s look at each of these three components of inner vision,

then we’ll look for ways that they fill a need in the world at large.

34 Quantum Success

I created my company’s vision with my husband Joe over

twenty years ago. It feels amazing that after twenty years it’s

as powerful as it was when we first created it. To this day we

use it as our guide:

An international model of excellence,

facilitating a shift in learning,

resulting in creative, educated, responsible people,

participating in the global community.

In other words, it’s our way of changing the world. All our staff

members know it. We go into it deeply, line by line. We look

at what it means to us. It’s the first thing I talk about when

interviewing people for a position with us. My husband shares

this vision and our dedication to supporting people in being

lifelong learners and feeling great about themselves.

Your Values Drive Your Vision

An inner vision powerful enough to launch you into Quantum

Success comes from your deepest-held values—even the ones you

might not realize, or admit, that you hold.

What are values? Values are our subjective reactions to the

world around us. #ey are like a weight we personally assign to

our beliefs and interests.

Values are different from principles. Principles are laws of human

interaction—honesty, integrity, commitment, and the like. Values

are the things that are important to you—your beliefs, passions,

priorities, causes, and even principles that you personally hold in

high regard. Values are developed in childhood and shaped by cul-

ture, family, and experience. Values can change; principles don’t.

When we’re talking about your individual inner vision, we’re

talking about the sum total of values that drive you. When we’re

Ignite Your Inner Vision 35

talking about the vision of an endeavor, we’re talking about the

values the members of the group hold in common. #e individuals

in a group don’t have to have identical sets of values in order for

the group to function, but they do have to have certain key values

in common—the ones that are most important to them.

Values are formed in part from our beliefs. For instance,

SuperCamp was founded on the belief that all kids can

succeed.

Let’s begin by exploring your personal values. Write them

down as they occur to you. Right off the bat, I’m sure you can

name a dozen of your most cherished values. But even the most

self-actualized person is always probing to discover what she val-

ues. Identifying values is an ongoing process because values can

change, and because their influence can be so subtle that we may

not realize for quite a while that they’re affecting us. Or we may

not be able to identify them accurately until some experience

brings them to light.

In my company we dedicate time to discovering and clarifying

our shared and personal values. Once a year we devote a full day to

strengthening our vision. “Vision Day” is all about values. Families

can do this too. So can you—you can devote a day to tuning in to

the values that drive your personal inner vision.

Where do you look when you’re trying to discover your values?

Look at the values of friends you respect. Do you cultivate these

values in yourself? Look at your heroes and teachers. What do you

admire most in them?

At SuperCamp we have an activity that encourages students to

reflect on what they value, what they stand for, and how they

show it. One by one they stand on an elevated platform on stage

36 Quantum Success

and say “I am (full name). One thing I value in my life is ____

_________. I will show this by ___________. Tonight I take a

stand for my greatness.”

Every time I’ve done this myself, I’m reminded that what I

value is youth and learning. I show this with my commitment

to expanding our programs and to reach ever-growing numbers

of students. It’s what I’m passionate about. It’s what gives me a

great sense of fulfillment.

Look closely at your failures. Often, you’ll find that your worst

mistakes happened because you failed to adhere to your own val-

ues. My stock option crisis taught me something vital about my

values. After a period of reflection, I came to see that I’d gotten

swept away by the moneymaking game, and had let my focus

slip away from what really mattered: helping people to learn. #e

money was only a means to an end. My focus was still on help-

ing people learn, but I justified my involvement in the options as

something that would support the good work that we were doing.

I was out of my area of expertise and had no business being there.

It was too far away from the core of my values.

Examining your values now may even help you avoid future

mistakes. If you take the time to discover what matters most to

you, you may not have to fail to find out. Knowing what’s impor-

tant can keep you from going down the wrong path.

Develop a system for checking in with your values. Make it a

regular habit and schedule it. Write your values down; post them

in your work and living spaces. It’s very helpful to put your values

in writing. #e written word gives them power.

Your values alone may not suggest a specific direction, but

they’ll certainly put you in the right neighborhood. As you

work through potential applications for your life, you can check

them against what you value most and know instantly whether

Ignite Your Inner Vision 37

or not a given direction serves your inner vision. Primatologist

Jane Goodall had been in the business of studying African ani-

mals for many years when she found her true Aha. In 1986 she

changed the focus of her life’s work from research to advocacy,

suddenly conscious of the “inexplicable instinct” to protect all

living things.

Your Desires: What Are You Burning to Do?

I’m passionate about young people and learning. It’s what my life

is about. If I were living my life any other way, I’d be constantly

fighting against the urge to work with young people in a learning

environment, because that’s where my desire is always pulling me.

What do you yearn for? What were you built to do?

Once when my company had a vision day, I set the mood by

playing the upbeat song “Only If . . . (You Want To)” by Irish

singer and composer Enya. In it, Enya sings, “If you really want to,

you will find a way.” Desire is a powerful obstacle-breaker. It can

motivate us to break through seemingly insurmountable problems.

It does this by the power of sheer momentum. Desire creates an

impulse to move, to pursue.

Something happens when you begin to move toward what you

love most. #ere’s magic in that impulse—and in the movement

itself. You can dream about it all you want, you can lust for it for

years, but the universe doesn’t change until you make that first step

toward what you want most. Henry David #oreau said, “If one

advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors

to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success

unexpected in common hours.” Once we give in to the urge to go

after what we desire, the laws of the universe begin working in our

favor. Once we’re in motion, it almost becomes harder for us to

stop moving toward our goal than for us to achieve it.

38 Quantum Success

Give in to the urge to follow your desires, and you overcome the

inertia that robs so many people of success.

In fact, chasing your desire is not only helpful, it’s necessary to

Quantum Success. In order to achieve Quantum Success, incor-

porate your desire into the picture, or else the thing you lust after

will continue to steal your energy and sabotage your efforts. #ink

of all that wasted energy! It’s like tugging against a giant mag-

net. No matter what you do in life, if you’re resisting going in the

direction life is trying to pull you, you’ll never achieve the energy

level you’d have by launching toward the thing you want most and

letting the natural energy of the universe move you along. Where

attention goes, energy flows.

Seek out the direction that makes you resonate. What draws

you the most? Where is the energy greatest? Where is the area

of maximum excitement? #at’s the place where your power to

change the world resides. #at’s where you need to go.

When you launch yourself toward the thing you’re meant to do,

you’ll experience both a tingle of excitement and a profound sense

of calm. It’s an Aha, but also an “ahhh.” Your true path in life has

a feeling of rightness to it. When you orient yourself toward your

deepest desire, you’ll feel as though your piece of the universal jig-

saw puzzle is settling into place—right where it belongs.

You can put yourself onto the right path at any stage in your

life, regardless of your age, regardless of how long you might have

been on a path that really isn’t “you.” People start off on the wrong

path for all kinds of reasons. College students are often influenced

by parents in the choice of their major and their direction in life.

#ey’re unsure, so they take the advice.

My sister, who married and had children young, went back to

get a degree in her forties. She had always wanted to be a doc-

tor. When she spoke of it, our parents suggested she do some-

thing practical that takes less time to achieve, like accounting. But

Ignite Your Inner Vision 39

in spite of this pressure, she followed her dream and graduated

from med school at the age of fifty. Good Morning America had

her on the show to celebrate her achievement. After teaching and

practicing medicine at the University of Southern California for a

number of years, she now works with one of her sons, also a doctor,

in her own private practice.

Your dream is who you are; it doesn’t go away during your

lifespan. What you’re meant to be is what you’re meant to be for

as long as you’re here.

Your Talents: Where Do You Shine?

Martin E.P. Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, claims that

every person has “signature strengths.”

#e happiest people know how to put their strengths to use.

What do you bring to this ride to Quantum Success? What are

you good at? What natural strengths do you have that predispose

you to certain lifestyles, certain vocations?

Don’t limit yourself to choosing only those things that you have a

knack for; you’re so adaptable that if there’s a skill or learning method

that you need in order to fulfill your inner vision, you can acquire it.

But your greatest odds for Quantum Success lie along the path that

utilizes what comes naturally—particularly in the beginning.

Just as you did with your values and desires, you get to know

your talents by cultivating self-awareness.

Bestselling author J.K. Rowling was on what was for her an

unfulfilling career track for years, working as a secretary. #e

only thing she claimed to like about being a secretary was being

able to type up stories on the computer during lulls in her work

day. When at last she embraced story-writing as her focus in

life, the rest, as they say, was history.

40 Quantum Success

When I invite you to explore your talents, I’m not just talk-

ing about areas you’re good in, like math or cooking, but the

sum total of your strengths, including interpersonal skills. Even

if you’re terribly shy and socially awkward, you have more social

competence than you realize. Whether or not you’re great at

sparking a conversation with a stranger, you may excel at host-

ing people; you might have a native ability to make guests feel

comfortable. Even in areas that aren’t generally your strong suit,

you’ll find places where you shine.

You’ll be discovering and developing new talents all the time. But

if you start off recognizing the areas where you’re strong, and shape

your inner vision initially from these points of strength, you’re start-

ing your ride to Quantum Success with your best foot forward.

I bought the book Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus

Buckingham for our entire staff and my family. On our orga-

nization chart I added everyone’s top five strengths. We had

several meetings analyzing our strengths, asking questions like

“Do all salespeople have the same or similar strengths?” and so

on. People looked to see if they were using their strengths and

also if their job required doing things that were toward the bot-

tom of their list.

Supernova! When Your Values, Desires,

and Talents Meet a Need

Oprah Winfrey said, “#e best way to succeed is to discover what

you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of a

service” (O Magazine, September 2002).

Look at the sum total of your values, desires, and talents, and

ask yourself who could benefit from what you have to offer. What

Ignite Your Inner Vision 41

problem could you fix, what wound could you heal, what gap could

you fill with what’s inside you? #e real alchemy happens when

you discover that the world has a need for exactly your combina-

tion of gifts!

Answering this question is not a one-time activity. #ere’s no

single answer to the question of how to apply yourself. It’s a pro-

cess that will continue throughout your lifetime. As you follow

your inner vision, as you meet with success after success, you’ll

discover that there’s always a new challenge for you to grow

into.

Maria Montessori had early life successes as one of Italy’s first

female physicians. But it was her alertness to the needs of the chil-

dren she was treating that revealed not a medical problem but

a learning problem. #is insight propelled Maria to transfer her

life’s work to perfecting a method of education that worked natu-

rally with a child’s way of learning—known today as the famous

Montessori Method taught in Montessori Schools worldwide.

#e most successful people who ever lived regularly weighed

their abilities with their society’s needs and sought new ways of

reinventing themselves. #e most successful organizations do

exactly the same thing; in fact, the best of them plan for ongoing

reinvention—and regularly seek new applications.

#is habit of seeking new “self-applications” is like an ongo-

ing science experiment. At Hawthorne/Stone, the revolutionary

real estate company that galvanized my inner vision of what a

company could be, we made experimentation a regular part of our

work. Every week we’d try a new idea. #ere was no such thing as

a stupid idea in that company. We’d give just about anything a try

for one week. At the end of that week, we’d meet to evaluate how

it did. If you think you’d be good in a particular application, give

it a try.

42 Quantum Success

Five Ways to Cultivate a Vision

1. Know your values so well that nothing can derail you from

them.

2. Acknowledge your passion—and teach yourself to com-

municate it.

3. Begin from your strengths, but be willing to step out of

your comfort zone.

4. Experiment with new ways to apply yourself.

5. Get feedback from others.

How will you know when you’re following your inner vision?

You’ll know you’re on the right track when your excitement keeps

building, when the work you’re doing and the life you’re living

keeps feeling righter and righter—even if you’re struggling to

make things happen, even when obstacles seem insurmountable,

even when you meet with opposition.

#at’s why a strong inner vision is vital: because if you’re fol-

lowing an inner visionary path, you may be opposed. Following

an inner vision is often risky. It often means doing things other

people are afraid to do. It may mean looking a little weird, even

a little crazy, to those who can’t see what you see. It means refus-

ing to live up to others’ expectations of you, if they’re the wrong

expectations. “#e difference between myself and a madman,” said

Salvador Dali, “is that I am not mad.”

A true inner vision is a vision of good purpose. If you’re indulg-

ing a desire that hurts people, you’re off track. #at’s not your true

self. You weren’t built to be a destructive force. #e deepest, truest

expression of you is in an inner vision that gives something won-

derful to the world, something that’s uniquely yours to give.

Living this way will have an impact on those around you. You’ll

inspire some, but you may offend others. You’ll have to be prepared

to stick to your inner vision even if other people don’t approve.

Ignite Your Inner Vision 43

You’ll have to let go of other people’s expectations of you. Because

living up to the expectations of others is a guaranteed recipe for

failure. If you’re a pleaser, you’re fitting yourself to someone else’s

mold, the antithesis of Quantum Success. Quantum Success is all

about you being yourself out in the world; its premise is that the

greatest thing you have to offer this universe is you.

What You Now Know About Vision Can Change the World

from the outside.

talents to your inner vision.

world needs and what you have to offer.

Quantum relationships are radiant relationships.

How much focus and intention do you invest in your

connection to the people who matter to you?

What You’ll Discover in This Chapter:

who matter

CHAPTER 7

Seek Relationships That Support Your Vision

56 Quantum Success

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know?

It has to constantly move forward or it dies.

—Woody Allen

Relationships are among the keys to your success. All the other

aspects of success can be taken away from you, sometimes

by sheer misfortune. I found that out the hard way. But the two

things that endure for as long as you’re alive, no matter what your

fortune or circumstances, are your identity and your connection

to the people who matter to you.

I’ll be using the phrase “people who matter” a lot in this chap-

ter—who are these people? I’m not just talking about your closest

friends, your family members, and the people who sit next to you

at work. I’m talking about anybody with whom you interact in

the course of living out your dream. When you look at relation-

ships through that lens, no connection is insignificant. Your life is

composed of all kinds and levels of relationships, from the most

personal to the purely professional. Whether you’re part of a group

of two or a group of ten thousand, your success is determined by

the quality of your connection to the people who matter.

When we put our time into relationships that support and

nurture us, no other investment we can make brings a more sat-

isfying reward.

Once I drew a sort of map of my relationships with branches

for immediate family, extended family, and friends, with connec-

tions between different groups and events, just so I could get an

overview of the way they all fit together.

I spend varying amounts of time with people. My husband is

number one. My children and grandchildren are at the top of my

list. But it’s not about amount of time spent. I spend the most

Seek Relationships That Support Your Vision 57

time with the people at my office, as it’s the team that shares my

vision and I’m there a lot. I have a best friend with whom I spend

very little time, yet I know she loves me and she knows I love

her. #e balance in relationships is more about priority than it is

a function of time and space. You don’t need to make every rela-

tionship a top priority, but take time to reflect on the importance

of each relationship and the sense of balance you feel regarding

each relationship.

#e importance of the relationship is also a function of the cir-

cumstance that brings the people together. You may have a very

intense relationship with a group of coworkers during a project,

with a deep need to nurture those relationships for that time.

#en, when the project is completed, you may “let go.” Movie

actors often remark that the deeply emotional friendships they

forge during filmmaking seldom seem to last—at least with the

intensity they had when the project was active. On the other hand,

the relationships of married partners carry an explicit permanence.

Joe and I love to spend time together, but we’re often apart, travel-

ing. In our busy summer season, we travel in opposite directions to

cover more ground. But even when we’ve been in the same office

together all day, we still come home to sit on our patio and talk.

We never run out of things we want to share. Our personal and

professional lives meld together.

Meaningful Relationships Come from

Common Visions and Values

What are great relationships made of?

People often form superficial bonds over shared interests: golf,

aviation, horses, needlepoint, politics. Shared interests make for

great starting points, but they’re not the same as focus, intention,

and shared values, the heart of meaningful relationships.

58 Quantum Success

Individuals are frequently thrown together by accident. #ey

end up sharing an office, a dorm room at college, or a place on

the same committee. #ey may develop a passable rapport simply

because of their shared circumstance. #ey may get along fine.

But this doesn’t make for a powerful bond, either. Strong bonds

run deeper.

Some of the world’s most successful dating services don’t match

people based on hobbies or careers. #ey match them according to

deeply held values. #e best marriages are made of such bonds. So

are the best relationships of any other kind.

If you want to make the most meaningful connections to peo-

ple, this is the place to do it. Seek out the places where your values

and visions intersect.

Not your ordinary cocktail-party conversation, you say? It’s true

that a discussion of values doesn’t come naturally to most people.

Some even feel threatened when faced with the task of revealing

such things. You do need to know who you’re sharing with and

whether it’s appropriate. You wouldn’t share your deepest feelings

with everyone. But when you create an atmosphere that welcomes

these revelations, you create a tremendous opportunity for people

to bond on a profound level.

A friend of mine, Barbara Metzler, loves to get friends together

and mix interesting people. At her dinner parties she will often

pose a question and encourage everyone to answer. Recently at one

of her dinners, she asked each of us to answer what we thought

was the key to our success. I told the group about the 8 Key Cata-

lysts and holding my intention for what I wanted to have happen.

Others talked of going a step further than they thought they’d go.

I felt I got to know the other guests on a much more profound

level, and I will feel connected the next time I see them. Getting

to know people at the level of deeply held values made for a mean-

ingful evening.

Seek Relationships That Support Your Vision 59

At my company we use a slightly more formal way to get to

know one another, one that you can adapt to suit your purposes.

It works great in a business setting, but it could work equally well

at a family reunion, a club rally, or a planning meeting. I know of

someone who used it in conversation with someone he met on a

train. #at person became his wife a year later.

It’s called the Affinity Exercise. I first learned it from a friend,

Maggie Weiss. Here’s how it goes:

Have everyone choose a partner. Have one person in each pair

respond to these statements.

1. Tell me something I don’t know about you.

2. Tell me something you like about me.

3. Tell me something we have in common.

In response to these answers, the person doing the asking says

only, “#ank you.” Since this single phrase is the response to their

revelation, the partner can’t read anything into the asker’s reac-

tion. When using this at home, you might let it spark conversation

instead of just saying thank you.

First one person asks and the other answers, then they switch.

And after the second round, they switch again. #at’s right: #e

same pair of people asks each other the same questions three times.

Why is this? Because the first time around, people may be nervous,

uncomfortable, and they don’t express what’s really meaningful to

them. Often, something happens during that third round. #at’s

when the trust starts to build and more meaningful responses pop

out. !en we change partners.

#e value of this exercise is the focus and intention it lends to

developing relationships. It gives people an automatic structure

to talk on a more intimate level. It gives them permission. It

strips away the awkwardness and reluctance to talk this way to

virtual strangers.

60 Quantum Success

#e Affinity Exercise is a magical process. #e most remarkable

things come to light. People who’ve worked side by side for years

have discovered common interests. Almost everyone feels a closer

bond. #ere’s no downside to people in a group feeling closer to

one another. And the positives are limitless.

When I interview people for a position, I talk about our vision

and explain that we only want people to join us who share that

vision. We continually keep our vision in front of us. We’re all

aligned around it and committed to it because we want to be.

Group members need not have met and interacted before to

experience a strong bond with one another. Have you ever observed

what happens when two Marines meet? An understanding passes

between them. Even people meeting for the first time can come up

with an answer to the question, “What do we have in common?”

just by the fact that they’re at the same gathering.

At our weekly meetings we have a different person each week

get up and give a five-minute bio so that everyone can get to

know that staff member better. Building strong relationships is an

ongoing process. I used to think we could focus and work hard at

building great relationships, and then go back to our “real” work.

I quickly learned that as soon as you take your focus off building

good relationships, they deteriorate.

Quantum Love Notes

Everyone likes to be reminded that they’re appreciated. At

SuperCamp, written communication that shows you’re appre-

ciated is a “love note.” #ere’s a board for love notes at camp for

students and staff to express their appreciation or to acknowl-

edge each other for something. Kids also write letters to their

parents. #ey write not only about how much they love and

Seek Relationships That Support Your Vision 61

appreciate them, but also apologies and lists of things they wish

their parents knew about them.

Create a space for notes of appreciation in the places you

share with others. It’s a wonderful tradition for families. Get

in the habit of writing little notes to people or sending them

emails. When I’m going out of town I sometimes leave Joe a

note where I know he’ll find it.

Set a Check-in Time

In my company, we meet every morning for five to ten minutes.

During that time we stand in a circle. #e agenda is Reports from

the Field (so we can keep connected with those of us who are

traveling), FYI (what others need to know) and Burning Shares

(things we’re excited about, whether business or personal). #is

meeting helps us stay connected. Everybody has a chance to speak,

and we take turns running the meeting. #e structure of the daily

check-in is itself an expression of our values.

Any group can develop the habit of a regular check-in. Fami-

lies can pick a natural gathering time like dinner to hold their

check-ins. One family I know starts each night’s dinner conversa-

tion with, “What did you learn today?” Another family opens with,

“What were the best and worst parts of your day?”

Clubs and civic groups can open their meetings with a check-

in. Even friends can create a form of it to keep the relationship

strong. #ink of your closest friends—you probably do this infor-

mally, anyway. Do you call a good friend on Sunday evening just

to see how his week went? Do you drop a line to your college

roommate at Christmas and Easter? Keeping the contact regular,

the topic open, and the discussion positive is key to keeping the

relationship strong.

62 Quantum Success

Welcome Newcomers

It’s tough being new. When people enter a new group, they know

little about how the group functions. Almost everyone wants to be

included, but few people entering a new situation know how to fit

in right off the bat.

In my company, we’ve brought a large group of new employees

aboard and celebrated their arrival with a potluck luncheon. We

set everybody the task of asking at least one of the newcomers one

of three questions:

1. What’s your favorite animal at the zoo?

2. What’s your favorite movie? Why?

3. What’s your dream vacation?

#e conversations that came out of these questions were terrific

ice-breakers. #ey created a great starting point for relationships

that were forged over the months and years that followed.

We’ve also paired up and interviewed each other. #e inter-

viewer later shares the interview with the larger group. In addition,

we write up bios given in our weekly meetings and have a booklet

collection of these that new people can read.

When you make new people feel welcome and included from

the beginning, you set the tone for their membership. Good things

happen when people understand from the beginning that in this

group, relationships matter.

Give Right-of-way to Relationships

Your success is built on strong relationships. Your dreams and pas-

sions might be the material your success is made of; your ambition,

courage, and dedication might be the fuel that makes it go, but

your relationships hold the entire rocket ship together. And they

make the ride worthwhile in the end.

Seek Relationships That Support Your Vision 63

In my personal life and in my company, I place a high value on

relationships. Valuing relationships doesn’t mean sacrificing all to

them; instead, it means evaluating each situation. I examine the

needs of the project and the situation, along with my own needs

and the needs of others, all under the microscope of putting a high

value on relationships.

Building powerful relationships takes focus and intent, but if you

invest in them, you’ll receive ten times your investment in return.

Deep, Strong, and Meaningful Relationships

important to you.