raising healthy children · recognize that children do well---if they can; determine if your...

RAISING HEALTHY CHILDREN

Montgomery Public Schools

February 16, 2016


In a world/community/home that is sometimes

not so…


February 16, 2016


In a world/community/home that is sometimes

not so…HEALTHY


February 16, 2016

PROMOTING SUCCESS:

DEAR PARENTS…

The following is borrowed from a letter to

parents written by Dr. David Aderholdt,

Superintendent of the West Windsor Plainsboro

School District. His letter offers a universal

message to many schools and school districts.

Dear Parents:

“Our [Montgomery] families demand excellence

from our education system…”

“…and our educators demand excellence from

our students.”

“But what happens when the demands expected

by both parties create unintended outcomes?”

“… community concerns have raised questions

regarding the stress and pressures that our

children are facing.”

“These stresses are widespread in our children…”

“While stress is a normal component of

adolescence (and childhood), the level of stress

and pressure to achieve…is not healthy for

children…”

“These stresses are widespread in our children…”

“While stress is a normal component of

adolescence (and childhood), the level of stress

and pressure to achieve…is not healthy for

children…”

Dr. David Aderhold, Superintendent

PROMOTING SUCCESS:

“…the level of stress and pressure to

achieve…is not healthy for children…”

Montgomery Schools Parent Forum

February 16, 2016

George Scott, EdS, LMFT

SESSION OBJECTIVES

At the end of the evening you will:

◦ Understand the ingredients that help children and adolescents grow-up healthy;

SESSION OBJECTIVES



◦ Recognize that children do well---if they can;

SESSION OBJECTIVES



◦ Recognize that children do well---if they can; ◦ Determine if your behavior as adults can create

harmful and unnecessary stress for your children;

SESSION OBJECTIVES



◦ Recognize that children do well---if they can; ◦ Determine if your behavior as adults can create harmful and

unnecessary stress for your children; Consider how you can change your approaches to

parenting and teaching that then can reduce the risks to our children

SESSION OBJECTIVES



◦ Recognize that children do well---if they can; ◦ Determine if your behavior as adults can create harmful and

unnecessary stress for your children; Consider how you can change your approaches to parenting and

teaching that then can reduce the risks to our children ◦ Identify who your support team can be when you are

troubled by your child’s behavior and attitudes;

IN THE ABSENCE OF UNDERSTANDING, HUMAN

BEINGS SUFFER AND SOMETIMES DIE:



Effects of ingesting lead




Tobacco use




Tobacco use

Washing our hands to reduce contagion




Tobacco use


Obesity and nutrition/exercise




Tobacco use



The effects of stress and traumatic events on

the wellbeing of our children




Tobacco use



The effects of stress and traumatic events on

the wellbeing of our children

Thinking that leads to suicidal behavior

LET’S BEGIN HERE…

What are the basic ingredients our children

need to be successful?




•A Safe Environment(physically and emotionally);





•Academic and social opportunities for growth






•Structure and predictability;


What are the basic ingredients our children need to be successful?



•Structure and predictability;

•Acceptance for who they are, not only for what they do.

RESILIENCY

Resiliency…includes…

RESILIENCY

Resiliency…includes…the ability of a child to deal

more effectively with stress and pressure,

RESILIENCY


more effectively with stress and pressure, to

cope with everyday challenges,

RESILIENCY



cope with everyday challenges, to bounce back

from disappointments, adversity and trauma,

RESILIENCY




from disappointments, adversity and trauma, to

develop clear and realistic goals,

RESILIENCY





develop clear and realistic goals, to solve

problems,

RESILIENCY






problems, to relate comfortably with others,

RESILIENCY







and to treat oneself and others with respect.

RESILIENCY







and to treat oneself and others with respect.

Raising Resilient Children, Rob’t Brooks and

Sam Goldstein

THINK ABOUT THIS AGAIN…

Kids who know their strengths and weaknesses and feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures.

Kids who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. Faced with new challenges, their immediate response might be “I can’t”.

IN THE BEGINNING…

there were children.

IN THE BEGINNING…

BUT, WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID SOME OF OUR

CHILDREN GROW UP ONLY TO ARRIVE HERE?

• drinking and drugging to numb the pain




• cutting or burning to relieve the hurt





• failing in spite of immense potential






• isolating and avoiding







• inflicting harm on others








• wanting and trying to end their life








• wanting and trying to end their life

• and sometimes dying



that approximately 25% of American children will experience at least one traumatic event by the age 16.

A child’s reaction to trauma can interfere considerably with learning and/or behavior at school.

…schools can serve as a critical system of support for children who have experienced trauma.

The National Child

Traumatic Stress Network

RESEARCH SUGGESTS…

What are the traumatic events we are

discussing tonight?

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect

Emotional, physical and sexual abuse

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence

Addictions in the family

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence


Harsh and demeaning language

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence



Exposure to suicide attempts and deaths

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence




Lack of appropriate supervision

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

Neglect


Domestic Violence




Lack of appropriate supervision

Being a bully and being bullied

WHAT CAN GET IN THE WAY?

→ Living in a chaotic family:

▪ Pervasive anger and rage

▪ Addictions, and abuse of alcohol and drugs

▪ Violence toward others, especially mom

▪ Feeling afraid and not feeling important

▪ Untreated mental health concerns

▪ Sexual, physical, emotional abuse

▪ Absence of a caring adult for protection

▪ Suicidal thinking, attempts

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest investigations ever conducted (more than 17,000 participants) to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being.

The ACE Study findings suggest that certain experiences are major risk factors for the leading causes of illness and death as well as poor quality of life in the United States.

63% (10,700)of those in the study reported at

least one category of childhood trauma. And of

those 63%, over 20% (2,100) experienced 3 or

more categories, which meets the criteria for

Adverse Childhood Experience.

Let’s consider the experiences many of our students have had that can negatively affect school performance and healthy living.

Keep in mind that many of us have also experienced similar experiences in our childhoods.

Of the following 10 questions, how many apply to students you know, and how many apply to you? A score of 4 or more is significant.

While you were growing up, during your first 18

years of life:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or

very often…

swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate

you? Or…

act in a way that made you afraid that you might

be physically hurt?

ASK YOURSELF

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or

very often…

push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?

Or…

ever hit you so hard that you had marks or

were injured?

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than

you ever…

touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in

a sexual way? Or…

attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal

intercourse with you?

4. Did you often or very often feel that…

no one in your family loved you or thought you

were important or special? Or…

your family didn’t look out for each other, feel

close to each other, or support each other?

5. Did you often or very often feel that…

you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty

clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or…

your parents were too drunk or high to take care of

you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had

something thrown at her? Or… sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with

a fist, or hit with something hard? Or… ever repeatedly hit at for least a few minutes or

threatened with a gun or knife?

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker

or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill,

or did a household member attempt suicide?

10. Did a household member go to prison?

Got an ACE score of 4 or more?


Your risk of heart disease increases 200%


Your risk of heart disease increases 200%

Your risk of suicide increases 1200%

“Children are born vulnerable to the behaviors

of their care-taking adults and remain

vulnerable throughout their middle to late

childhood. Adverse early childhood

experiences have a far-reaching impact on the

development of children.”

Common Stress Responses of Children or

Teens


Teens

Inability to focus or concentrate


Teens


Failing or declining grades


Teens



Incomplete or poor quality work


Teens




Increased absences or refusal to go to school


Teens





Forgetfulness, memory loss

Common Stress Responses of Children or Teens






Inattentiveness

Common Stress Responses of Children or Teens






Inattentiveness

Daydreaming

STRESSED OUT BY 21 PILOTS

♫ ♪ ♫♪ ♫♪

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’days

When our momma sang us to sleep but now

we’re stressed out.

We used to play pretend, give each other

different names,

We used to build a rocket ship and then we’d fly it

far away,

Used to dream of outer space but now they’re

laughing at our face..

We used to play pretend, give each other

different names,

We used to build a rocket ship and then we’d fly it

far away,

Used to dream of outer space but now they’re

laughing at our face..

Saying, “Wake up, you need to make money.” ♫ ♪

there were children

IN THE BEGINNING…

and then they were hurt

What shall we do?

STRESS

Fact: A measure of positive stress energizes us and creates in us the energy we need to persist, to attempt new things, and to meet the challenges we face.

Fact: An overabundance of stress, or persistent stress, or negative stress (often caused by negative events in our lives), undermines our health and safety.

WHEN NEGATIVE STRESS PERSISTS:

√ Irritability

√ Inability to Concentrate

√ Anger

√ Sadness/depression

√ Isolation

√ Hopelessness

√ Use of drugs and alcohol

√ Non-suicidal Self-injury

√ Suicidal thinking, attempts, sometimes death

You cannot heal

what you refuse to confront.

SCIENCE SUGGESTS…

that the character strengths that matter so much

to young people’s success are not innate.

THESE STRENGTHS…

They do not appear magically, as a result of good

luck or good genes.

They are not simply a choice.

THESE STRENGTHS…

are rooted in brain chemistry, and they are

molded in measurable and predictable ways by

the environment in which kids are raised.

And we, as educators (and parents, and

communities) can influence their development.

At McGill University, neurologist Michael Meaney

and his research team found that baby rats

who had been licked and groomed by their

mothers did better at finding their way through

mazes.

The baby rats were more social and more

curious.

They even lived longer.

Licking led to differences in brain anatomy.

Rats that had been licked more were better able

to control stress responses.

Nicholas Kristof/New York Times colunmnist

Parents,Cuddle Your Children

We have an abundance of research showing

that children require loving and

compassionate, nonviolent attachments if

they are to mature properly.

Creating Sanctuary

Sandra Bloom pg 241

WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO…


What must the mindset of the parent be who

fosters resiliency?

Robert Brooks &Sam Goldstein

Raising Resilient Children


1. Practice Empathy…attempting to see the world

through your child’s eyes



through your child’s eyes; What is their

experience of life…




experience of life…of YOU?





2. Communicate Effectively and Practice Active

Listening






Listening; Put down your phone and listen!!







3. Practice changing your negative script;







3. Practice changing your negative script; What

are the words you use toward them and about

them?







3. Practice changing your negative script; What

are the words you use toward them and about

them?

4. Accept them for who they are;



through your child’s eyes.


Listening

3. Practice Changing Your Negative Script

4. Love your children in a way that helps them

feel special and appreciated

5. Accept them for who they are; Not only for how

they perform!!


6. Help them discover their “Islands of

Competency”



Competency”; Do you know what they are

good at?




good at?

7. Teach them that Mistakes are Experiences

from Which to Learn




good at?


from Which to Learn; Mistakes are not fatal!!




good at?


from Which to Learn; Mistakes are not fatal!!

8. Help them develop responsibility, compassion

and a social conscience;




good at?

7. Teach that Mistakes are Experiences from

Which to Learn; Mistakes are not fatal!!

8. Help them develop responsibility, compassion

and a social conscience; Know it in yourself

first!!


9. Teach problem solving and decision making;



more effective than mere punishment




10. Discipline in a way that promotes self-worth




10. Discipline in a way that promotes self-worth;

avoid shame and insults

You cannot heal

what you refuse to confront.

What society does to its children, its children do

to society.

-Cicero

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE

We can always stop, and change direction.



We can always make the changes that need to be

made.



We can always make the changes that need to be

made.

It is never, ever too late!!


If you are uncertain, or worried, or overwhelmed

by your circumstances, call your child’s school

counselor, the nurse, the school psychologist or

the school social worker. Talk with the teacher

or the school principal. Find someone you trust.

There is ALWAYS help.

Thank you so much for taking the time to be part

of this conversation tonight.

Just being here shows that you care.

Dear Parent:

“For our district to truly be successful…we believe

that that path forward is through the

development of the “Whole Child.”

Join with us…in working toward… greater

academic, social, and emotional successes for

ALL of our students.

Together, we can do this!

George Scott, EdS, LMFT

Center for Counseling Services

West Trenton, NJ

609-771-0444

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