raising your spirited child: understanding temperament · 2019-05-17 · resources •discipline...
TRANSCRIPT
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Raising Your Spirited Child: Understanding Temperament
www.professionalparenting.ca
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Idealist
Judy Arnall BA Parent Educator
U of C, AHS
M of 5
professionalparenting.ca
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M of 5-Realist
• 987 Temper Tantrums • 15,000 diaper changes • 5 years single parenting • 3 broken limbs • 2,390 spilled drinks • 16 years breastfeeding • 18 years sibling fights • 98 bouts of gastroenteritis • 15,600 bedtime battles • Said “No” 6,840 times • 8 hours of continuous sleep – PRICELESS!
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Housekeeping
• Unmuted – keep background noise to minimum as we can all hear each other like a class.
• Click on audio to choose telephone or mic
• Use a headset to hear better.
• All opinions honored.
• Not going to use the question box. Please just interrupt me to ask a question. (Yell “Judy!”)
• This webinar is for education purposes only. It is not to replace medical advice.
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Agenda
• Learn the 8 characteristics of temperament
• Identify common behaviours of a spirited temperament
• Explore helpful parenting strategies
• Discover the benefits of a spirited temperament
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My Goal
Take home one idea
+ Give up one unhelpful practice
-
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What is Temperament?
Temperament is the “how much” of
personality.
Children are born with a temperament and live with it all their
lives.
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Research
• New York Longitudinal Study, began 1968, 131 participants were followed from 3 months to adulthood
• Thomas, Chess and Birch, began studying Temperament in 1956 for 30 years.
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The Temperament
Continuum
Easy-Going 40% Slow To Warm 15% High Need – Spirited 10-15%
Mix of all above 30-35%
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Temperament Traits
• Persistence (also distractibility)
• Sensitivity
• Adaptability (long term)
• Intensity (energy)
• Regularity (body functions)
• Activity level
• First reaction
• Mood
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Behaviours Babies
• Needs to be held constantly • Cries for no “apparent”
reason • Hates isolation – night or
day • Can not accept substitute
care • Can not accept confinement
in cribs, etc • Sensitive to stimuli • Can not self-soothe • Poor sleepers and eaters
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Behaviours Toddlers and Preschoolers
• Prefer real items over toys
• Unpredictable moods
• Wakes up cranky
• Night awakenings and poor naps
• Severe separation anxiety
• Very active
• Picky eater
• Frustration tolerance low
• Needs much attention and physical contact
• Severe resistance and negativity to daily routines
• Clings in new situations and strangers
• Insists on self direction, decisions and choices.
• Not distractible
• Violent, intense temper tantrums
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Behaviours Teenagers
• Determined – not easily swayed by peers
• Sensitive to self and others needs
• Goal oriented and self directed
• Excellent social skills and communicators
• Advanced ability to solve problems
• Perceptive about people and situations
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Choose Carefully
Red Basket – Must uphold no matter what
Yellow Basket – Teach and guide gently
Green Basket – Accept
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Parent Temperament
Does your temperament “fit” with your child’s temperament?
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Parent Feelings
• Doubt , lack of self confidence, inadequate • Drained energy reserves, exhausted, tied down • Resentful and frustrated • Fearful of being “manipulated and controlled” • Worried about increasing dependency or spoiling the child • Defensive • Alone, lost, and isolated • Increased partner relations stress
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Parent Feelings after Support
and Information
• Confidence
• Empathetic and nurturing
• Pride
• Connected to child
• Vindicated
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Parenting Strategies for Spirited Children
Manage, Not Control!
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Understanding and Working with
Temperament
Acceptance
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What Do Spirited Children Need?
• Patience
• Flexibility
• Priorities – choose your ‘battles’
• Problem solve, not punish
• Encouragement and understanding
• Protect your child and you from criticism – your child is unique!
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Coping With Meltdowns
Calm-down Tools
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Tips for Babies • Use different kinds of
carriers
• More important to stay calm then to stop crying
• Find your community
• Meet your needs – sleep, food, hobbies
• Ease into childcare that works for everyone
• Meet dependency needs on their schedule
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Tips for Toddlers
• Pick your battles wisely! • Re-direct over and over • Carry snacks • Have regular meals, nap
and toileting time • Stay calm during tantrums
and melt-downs • Teach emotional
intelligence • Give many choices • Connect on her path, then
direct onto yours • Nudge, don’t force
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Tips for Preschoolers
First Reaction - Negative • Fit programs to your child, not your child to the program • Stay with your child in new situations until he is
comfortable • Invite play dates at your house • Give warnings before transitions and provide gradual
exposure to new situations, people, etc. • Rehearse and role-play new activities
Activity Level High • Provide many outlets for active, boisterous play
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Tips for Preschoolers Continued #1
Adaptability • Acknowledge feelings • Teach and practice coping skills Mood Change • Respond to negative moods with positivity • Don’t take it personally! • Ensure adequate food and rest • Teach appropriate ways to handle anger and frustration • Point out the positives of everything • Have a calm-down place – not time-out!
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Preschoolers Continued #2
Regularity
• Have regular bed-times and meal times.
• Keep to routines
Sensitivity
• Acknowledge feelings and teach coping tools for anger and surprise
• When possible, adapt environment to meet her needs
• Leave if it becomes overwhelming
• Pay attention to cues that your child has enough
• Teach coping strategies when calm
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Preschoolers Continued #3
Intensity • Allow full range of emotions and feelings • Stay and respond calmly! • Teach calm-down strategies when child is calm Persistence • Problem solve – not punishment • Stay with “no” • Choose your battles carefully • Provide choices and lot’s of “yeses” • Find another way to say ‘no’
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Tips for School-aged Children
• Keep structure and routines
• Keep food and sleep needs filled
• Accept child’s readiness for programs, and separations from family
• Continue physical affection
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Tips for Teenagers
• Problem solve parenting issues
• Be a mentor, guide, and listener
• Continue meeting affection needs
• Continue structure
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There are two sides of the coin
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Highly Sensitive
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Empathic Caring
Curious Affectionate
Awareness and perceptive
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Intense
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Intimate Deep thinker
Passionate Expressive
Enthusiastic
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Highly Active
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Energetic Accomplished
Fit
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Incredibly Persistent
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Confident Resourceful
Knows what they need Great sense of justice
Respectfully questions authority Reaches goals
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Mood Swings
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Can identify feelings Practiced in coping with emotions Learns personal boundaries with
eating and sleeping needs
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Low Adaptability
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Loyal Practiced in coping with surprises
Copes well with routines Prefers not to travel
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Irregular Body Functions
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Loves routine Fits well in ordered lifestyle
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Negative First Reaction
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Provides devil’s advocate Realist
Practical Cautious
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The Other Side of the Coin
• Empathic
• Caring
• Curious
• Affectionate
• Perceptive
• Intimate
• Deep thinker
• Passionate Practical
• Realist
• Cautious
• Expressive
• Enthusiastic
• Loyal
• Homebody
• Energetic and fit
• Accomplished
• Loves routine and order
• Confident
• Resourceful
• Self Aware
• Just
• Reaches goals
• Respectfully challenges status-quo
• Practical
• Realist
• Cautious
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Today’s mighty oak tree was yesterday’s acorn that stood it’s ground
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Judy Arnall BA Parent Educator
U of C, AHS
M of 5
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Resources
• Discipline without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery, By Judy Arnall
• Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, By Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
• Raising Your Spirited Child, By Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
• Your Fussy Baby and High Need Child, By Dr. William Sears
• Growing Miracles, Alberta Health Services
• Google “temperament” or “spirited child” www.professionalparenting.ca