RAMONA

byLaurie Craig

Based on the series of books by Beverly Cleary

Current Revisions byElizabeth Allen & Nick Pustay

November 4, 2007

EXT. PLAYGROUND - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

WHITE PUFFY CLOUDS in the sky, reflected on the surface of a PUDDLE. Suddenly, a SNEAKER splashes right through it --

As RAMONA QUIMBY tears through the playground, running wild and loving it. She’s a 10 year-old girl with straight brown hair, an upturned nose, and a spunky imagination. Her friend HOWIE KEMP, 10, tries to keep up -- but that’s no easy task.

RAMONAHowie! Let’s make ourselves sick!

SPINNING ON THE ROUND-ABOUT -- where she and Howie LAUGH and spin at a breakneck speed. They make themselves so dizzy they can’t even walk straight afterwards, stumbling like happy drunks. Ramona’s eyes cross, totally dizzy...

And FROM RAMONA’S POV: A blurry double-vision. Howie laughs at her -- then appears to split into two Howies.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Whoa, Howie...who’s your friend?

CROSSING THE MONKEY RINGS -- as Ramona struggles to propel herself forward, one metal ring at a time. Howie waits on the far side of the rings, encouraging her to keep going.

HOWIE You can do it, Ramona! Just don’t look down!

And of course, hearing this makes her want to look so badly. She bites her lip trying not to. Then, peeks with one eye --

FROM RAMONA’S POV: Her sneakers dangle over a DEEP CANYON! Certain death if she drops. A BUZZARD flies up at her, pecks at her UNTIED SHOELACES with his sharp beak. Ramona tries to shake him off and torques her body, swinging her FOOT up into a ring. Then, wedges her OTHER FOOT into the next ring.

RAMONAI CAN’T MAKE IT, HOWIE...

(pretending there’s an ECHO)Owie-owie! It’s too FAR-far-far!

Just then at the height of adventure...the SCHOOL BELL RINGS. Kids race for the BUILDING. Ramona tries to untangle herself -- but loses grip and SWINGS UPSIDE DOWN. Her feet caught in the rings, strung up by her ankles, helpless.

HOWIERamona, stop playing! Ms. Meacham will mark us tardy! It’s worse than absent!

RAMONABut...uhhh...my shoes are jammed!

Howie runs to help, jumps up and down, but he’s too short to reach her. They both look back anxiously to the school.

INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

MS. MEACHAM writes a VOCABULARY LIST on the chalkboard. KIDS WHISPER as Howie shuffles into the room. Clears his throat.

HOWIEUhh...Ms. Meacham?

Ms. Meacham pauses. Puts down her chalk, turns on her heel.

HOWIE (CONT'D)Ramona’s...kinda...hung up.

Ms. Meacham glances out the window -- and sees Ramona in the distance, HANGING BY HER ANKLES. Ms. Meacham storms outside --

And the instant she’s gone, the class rushes to the windows. Noses pressed against the glass, horrified and delighted by Ramona’s latest predicament.

EXT. PLAYGROUND - MOMENTS LATER

FROM RAMONA’S UPSIDE DOWN POV: she sees a pair of WHITE HEELS march through the dirt, awkwardly avoiding puddles. The shoes stop short of a MASSIVE PUDDLE under the jungle gym. TILTING UP, we reveal Ms. Meacham -- a stern woman whose disapproving squint can strike fear in the heart of any 4th grader.

MS. MEACHAM Ramona Quimby, even for you -- this is quite an achievement. What happened?

Ramona flushes red with embarrassment.

RAMONA Ummm...we were playing Holy Moly?

MS. MEACHAMI don’t believe I know that game.

RAMONAWell...um, you pretend you’re doing something petrifying, and then when you finish, you get to yell, “HOLY MOLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT!” Except, I kinda got stuck, so I didn’t get to yell “HOLY MO-...”

2.

Just as she says it, her feet suddenly slip out. She drops and SPLASHES into the puddle below, SPRAYING MUD everywhere.

AT THE WINDOW -- the kids react with a collective GASP.

RAMONA (CONT'D)HOLY MOLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT!

Ecstatic, Ramona looks up from the puddle -- to discover her teacher is covered in mud. Ramona winces -- “Oops.” Ms. Meacham tries to stay composed, though it’s difficult.

MS. MEACHAMRamona, I’m glad you’re enjoying the fourth grade. You may be here awhile.

INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - MOMENTS LATER

Ms. Meacham stops in the classroom doorway, seeing all her students still gathered at the windows. She purses her lips.

MS. MEACHAMA-hem.

The class instantly scrambles to their seats. Ms. Meacham strides back into class -- with as much dignity as she can possibly muster while splotched with mud. Behind her, a filthy Ramona sloshes a muddy trail through the room and takes her seat -- to a smattering of GIGGLES and WHISPERS.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Well, after that brief interruption, I think it’s time we finally tackled our class reports -- wouldn’t you agree?

(they GROAN, she squints)Please, try to contain your enthusiasm. This is your chance to share something special about yourself. And by special, I do not mean something purchased at a mall or viewed on your computer screen. Let’s all dig deep. I expect you all to use at least one new word from our vocabulary list.

She taps the board, pointing to an imposing LIST OF WORDS.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Now...what brave soul would like to go first?

A perky blonde girl named SUSAN thrusts her hand in the air.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Susan. As I suspected. Go ahead.

3.

Susan smiles and walks to the head of the class, confidently. She places a SPARKLY TIARA over her blonde bouncy curls.

SUSANThis is my ballet tiara. As you can see, it is incredibly “luminescent.”

(spelling it lightning fast)L-U-M-I-N-E-S-C-E-N-T. Luminescent.

Ramona glances at the board, sees “LUMINESCENT” on the list.

SUSAN (CONT'D)It is special to me because my mother says ballet gives you perfect posture and increases your overall “elegance.” E-L-E-G-A-N-C-E. Elegance.

MS. MEACHAMThat was first-rate, Susan...

SUSAN I’m not done yet. Because the most special part is, I get to wear my tiara when I audition for the part of the princess in the Royal Peanut Butter commercials. I think I’d be “extraordinary” in the role. E-X-T-R-A-O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y. Extraordinary.

(raising her brow at Ramona)That’s when you take something ordinary...and give it a little extra.

Susan finishes with a balletic curtsey. The kids applaud.

MS. MEACHAMExtraordinary, indeed. You used three words! And very good use of props. I’m afraid you’ve set the bar quite high for the rest of the week.

Ramona studies Susan’s perfect blonde curls -- and insecurely fingers her own crusty hair. A CLOD OF MUD falls on her desk.

EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - DAY

MUDDY SHOES squish with each step -- as Ramona and Howie run home happily after school. Book bags on their shoulders.

HOWIEYou should have seen it from the window -- it was awesome. You looked like a pinata! Without all the candy.

4.

RAMONADid anyone see my underwear?

HOWIEUh, not from that distance. Ms. Meacham probably did, though.

Ramona winces at the memory, still embarrassed.

RAMONAShe said I should bottle my imagination. Like a Root Beer. And take little sips of it at a time, instead of just chugging it down.

HOWIEGeez. What does that mean?

RAMONAI dunno. It made me so thirsty.

(then suddenly)Whoa! Look at that big dog!

They see a loose MENACING GERMAN SHEPHERD across the street. Ramona dives behind a prickly BUSH, pulling Howie with her.

HOWIE He’s not from around here, that’s for sure. Maybe he’s lost.

RAMONAOr maybe...

Howie looks at her. Ramona smiles, shivering deliciously.

RAMONA (CONT'D)He’s a werewolf.

HOWIEHe’s not a werewolf. Werewolves only come out at night, technically.

RAMONAShhh. Don’t be so sure.

(peeking up to study the dog)Oh yeah, that’s a werewolf. You can tell by that cheap dog collar he’s using as a disguise. Don’t let him hear you. He’s quick to pounce...

As she says it, Ramona secretly (and discretely) reaches around Howie’s back to scare him. Waiting for the right moment...

5.

RAMONA (CONT'D)His fangs are sharp and his eyes glow red when he’s hunting his next meal...

She “claws” his far shoulder and GROWLS -- making Howie jump!

RAMONA (CONT'D)Got ‘ya!

But just then, the big dog WOOFS! Ramona jumps higher than Howie! They SCREAM and sprint away. Jumping hedges, splashing through sprinklers, leaping over innocent garden trolls. SCREAMING and LAUGHING through the neighborhood.

They turn a corner and pass under a street sign that reads -- “KLICKITAT STREET.” A sleepy NEIGHBORHOOD of tall trees and simple homes -- the kind of increasingly rare place where kids can still ride their bikes and scooters freely.

EXT. SIDEWALK - OUTSIDE RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona stops in front of her HOUSE -- a modest, older home. The MAILBOX reads “THE QUIMBYS.” Cat ears and a whiskers drawn onto the “Q”. Ramona reaches in to collect mail --

Before WHAM! She topples out of frame -- rammed in the foot by four-year old WILLA JEAN on her scooter. She wears a bright t-shirt that reads -- “My Grandma Loves Me!”

RAMONAOww!

Willa Jean keeps going.

WILLA JEAN(gaily)

‘scuse me!

Ramona grabs her sore foot and hops on one leg. Willa Jean scooters up to the HOUSE NEXT DOOR -- where GRANDMA KEMP greets Howie on the Front Porch then looks over to Ramona.

GRANDMA KEMP Ramona! You have to be more careful with Willa Jean! She’s younger than you are.

Ramona rolls her eyes, frustrated. Reaches for the MAIL --

And suddenly panics. In the middle of the pile, she finds TWO YELLOW ENVELOPES. The first reads “OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT: TO THE PARENTS OF BEATRICE QUIMBY.” Ramona’s eyes go wide as she reads the second address -- even more terrifying --

6.

“OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT: TO THE PARENTS OF RAMONA QUIMBY.”

CLOSE UP: Ramona WRINKLES HER NOSE and STICKS OUT HER TONGUE.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - NIGHT

...but as we pull out, we discover we’re in the next scene. Ramona sticks her tongue out at BABY ROBERTA. Roberta giggles, sticks her tongue out, copying her. Ramona delights.

RAMONA Mom, look it! I taught Roberta how to stick out her tongue.

MOM That’s great, sweetie. Now we can cancel the private tutor. Next can you teach her to change her own diapers?

Her mother, DOROTHY QUIMBY, rushes to get dinner on the table. She’s a warm woman with a wry wit -- and loads of patience.

RAMONAMom -- am I extraordinary?

MOMIf you can wash your hands and set the table, you sure are. And be gentle when you roll up the papers. The workers will need those tomorrow.

Ramona frowns -- hoping for more from her mother. She picks up various DIAGRAMS and BLUEPRINTS from the dining room table.

RAMONA Mom? Can the workers build us an elevator? And a slide that goes from upstairs to the pool? Oh, and can they build us a pool?

MOMDon’t think that’s in the budget, honey. They’re just adding a little bedroom to the house. Not a new wing.

RAMONACan I have the new room? Pretty please, with a popsicle on top?

MOMTasty, but no. It’s for the baby.

7.

RAMONA But, she’s little. I’m ten and three months. I’ve shared with Beezus my whole life. I never get anything new.

MOM(doting on the baby)

You got a beautiful new baby sister.

RAMONAThat’s not what I meant.

Ramona observes her Mom gently tending to the baby -- and it can’t help but make her slightly envious.

MOMRamona, let’s get some dishes on the table, okay? And set an extra plate for Aunt Bea -- she’s coming by later.

BEEZUS (O.S.)Don’t worry. I’ll do it, mother.

Ramona’s older sister, BEEZUS, breezes into the kitchen, taking out plates from the cupboard. She’s thirteen, responsible and studious. A tough act for Ramona to follow.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)Bonsoir, Ramona. Ceci est un beau jour, no?! Ahhh, the food it smells...how you say...magnifique!

RAMONAMom! Beezus is speaking French again!

Suddenly, there’s the sound of a CAR ENGINE. Ramona runs over to the bay window and peeks OUTSIDE -- excited to see her father, ROBERT QUIMBY, arrive home. He’s sharply-dressed in a business suit and tie, carrying a briefcase up the path...

But, when her Dad sees Ramona in the window -- with her NOSE SMUSHED against the glass -- he stops to affectionately PLACE HIS FINGER against her nose -- “Boop!” Ramona giggles. And then, as soon as the DOOR OPENS, the whole family brightens.

BEEZUSDaddy!

ROBERTAEeeeeeeeeeee!

DADHow are all my beautiful girls?

8.

Ramona pounces, hugging her Dad by the waist. He’s in his mid-30s, handsome, with a kind humor that shows in his eyes. He looks at her and smiles. She basks in his attention.

RAMONA Did’ja crunch all the numbers, dad?

DADYou bet I did, Pickle. Crunched ‘em real good. The whole darn day.

He shakes his head fondly, appraising her grimy clothes.

DAD (CONT'D)I don’t think you got dirty enough today, Ramona.

MOM(wryly)

Well there’s always tomorrow.

He kisses Mom, rubs Roberta’s head, and squeezes Beezus’s shoulder, all while hauling Ramona on his hip. A great bit of dexterity that only a father of three could master. Even so, he nearly trips over their old yellow Tabby, PICKY-PICKY.

DAD Excuse me there, Icky Sticky.

RAMONADad! It’s Picky-Picky. When are you gonna learn his real name?

DADWhen he learns mine.

BEEZUSDaddy, Becky told Mary Jane that Henry Huggins wants to ask me to the first dance in high school.

RAMONAJunior high school.

DADAhhhh, but can Henry do this?

He does a dorky dance move. Beezus and Mom roll their eyes.

BEEZUSI sure hope not.

Ramona LAUGHS, watching her goofy father. That is, until he grabs a stack of MAIL on the counter and flips through it.

9.

DADBills, bills, junk, bills, bills...Ahh...a note from the bank. This could be loan papers for the addition, hon.

He trades a look with Mom, tries to make light of the expense.

DAD (CONT'D)Geez, you don’t think they’ll expect us to pay it back, do you?

MOMYeah. Banks are funny that way.

Dad reacts as he comes across a YELLOW ENVELOPE in the stack.

DAD What’s this? “To the parents of Beatrice Quimby.” Could this be... our first report card of the year?!

Beezus perks up. But Ramona starts to SQUIRM and discretely inches away. Dad opens the report. His face drops.

DAD (CONT'D)Whoa...it says, “Beatrice gets in fights...steals from the vending machines...counterfeits hall passes...we recommend she be sent to Juvenile Prison?” That’s harsh.

Freaked out, Beezus grabs the report card. She and Mom look at it -- and of course, it’s all A’s. Mom smiles at Beezus.

MOMAll A’s. I think we’re starting to see a pattern here. That’s our girl.

Ramona sinks in her seat, trying to make herself invisible. She watches them fawn over her ever-faultless sister -- as Beezus turns to her Dad and stomps her foot, laughing

BEEZUS Daddy! That’s not funny!

Dad swings her around, continuing his dorky dance. Then, he releases Beezus and turns to reach for Ramona to dance -- but she’s in the corner, fidgeting. Dad senses something’s up.

DAD So....Ramona? If Beezus has her report card. Doesn’t that mean, I dunno...you should have one, too...?

10.

RAMONAOh...that old thing?

DADYeah. That old thing. Now where would that old thing happen to be?

Ramona reluctantly gets up -- drags her chair all the way to the fridge. Finally, she climbs up on the chair, reaches into the FREEZER -- and after a BLAST OF COLD AIR -- pulls out a YELLOW ENVELOPE, buried under some frozen dinners.

DAD (CONT'D)Good place for it. We wouldn’t want it to spoil, right?

He shares a glance with Mom as he opens the chilly envelope.

DAD (CONT'D)”Ramona is a bright young student... but lacks focus, often daydreams, disputes the need to spell words correctly, and has very little respect for the rules of grammar...”

Ramona hopes it’s a joke and tries to LAUGH like Beezus did. But her Dad doesn’t join in. Ramona’s face falls -- “Oh.”

DAD (CONT'D)Ramona -- why did she write this?

RAMONAUmm, ‘cause. She’s no fun.

MOMOh, honey -- that’s no excuse.

RAMONABut it’s true. She makes us all use the same words. From the same exact list! And when I try to be a good student, she shoots me down! Like when I invented terrifical, she goes, “That’s not a word” -- and when I said well it’s a lot funner to say, she goes, “Funner isn’t a word either.” What kind of teacher is that? She can’t tell kids not to invent words. She’s not the President of the World!

Beezus SNORTS, tries not to laugh. Ramona glares at her.

RAMONA (CONT'D)You butt out, Beezus!

11.

MOM Ms. Meacham’s your teacher, Ramona. You need to listen to her. I’m sure she appreciates your creativity in her own way...

BEEZUSAnd she’s not that bad. She was always fair with me when I was your age.

RAMONA(getting worked up)

Yeah well, all the teachers like you! As soon as they hear my last name, all they do is talk about you! I try to be good and nobody cares! Everybody loves Beezus and everybody hates me!!!

Ramona’s lip quivers. Yet her family looks mildly amused by her outbreak -- which makes her furious.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Why are you laughing?!

MOMWe’re not, sweetie.

RAMONA I’m...I’m gonna say a BAD WORD.

That gets their attention. Even Picky-Picky stops licking his paws to take notice. Clearly, Ramona means this.

DADYou are?

RAMONAYes. I am. A REALLY BAD ONE.

MOMWell...if you feel you need to get one out of your system...go ahead.

Ramona takes a breath, squints. Determined to shock them.

RAMONA GUTS!

A brief SILENCE. Ramona thinks she must have hit the mark.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Guts, guts, guts, GUTS!!!

The family stares at her a beat...then bursts out LAUGHING.

12.

BEEZUSThat’s your idea of a bad word?

Ramona feels humiliated, pounds the table. Roberta giggles and copies her, pounding her tray, spilling peas everywhere.

MOMRamona, behave. You know how your baby sister likes to copy you.

RAMONAWell, maybe she should copy Beezus then, ‘cause Beezus is so perfect!

Baby Roberta starts CRYING from all the commotion. Ramona starts to run from the room in a huff -- but catches her manners and scrambles back to her seat.

RAMONA (CONT'D)May I be excused, please?

Her parents trade a look. Dad nods. Ramona runs out again.

INT. BATH ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona locks herself inside, sits on the edge of the tub. Looks at her reflection in the mirror -- her face flushed, her eyes stinging with tears. Outside, she hears Mom trying to soothe Baby Roberta.

MOM (O.S.)Can somebody check on Ramona, please?

(then, calmly to the baby)There, there. That’s my sweet girl.

Ramona overhears this -- even more hurt. Her eyes drift towards the TOOTHPASTE on the sink. A thick, fresh tube. Just then, there’s a KNOCK on the door.

BEEZUS (O.S.)Ramona? I didn’t mean to laugh, okay?

DAD (O.S.)Hey, kiddo...come out and talk to us.

Ramona scowls at their voices, looks at the toothpaste -- grabs it and gives a long, incredibly-satisfying SQUEEZE. Paste swirls around the whole sink like soft serve ice cream. Ramona’s shoulders relax -- at last, a sense of release.

13.

INT. OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM DOOR - NIGHT

Dad and Beezus wait at the door -- which opens. Ramona walks out and quietly heads away. Dad looks inside -- and sees the SINK FILLED WITH TOOTHPASTE. Beezus and Mom join him and see the damage. Mom has to cover her mouth to keep from laughing.

DAD Guts.

MOMYou said it.

DADYou know, I really want to be mad...

(lifting the empty tube)But, I’ve always wanted to do this.

EXT. TREE - RAMONA’S BACKYARD - DUSK

A TREE casts a PERFECT SILHOUETTE against the SETTING SUN. Up in the crook of some branches, Ramona sulks. From here, she can see over the fence into the Kemp’s backyard -- and all the way down the street. Suddenly, she hears RUSTLING.

AUNT BEAHey, babe. Room for me up there?

Ramona looks surprised to see her AUNT BEA looking up from the ground. Bea kicks off her sandals and starts climbing up beside her. She’s a beautiful, spirited woman in her mid-20s.

RAMONAHi, Aunt Bea.

AUNT BEAYour parents thought I’d find you up here. That was a fine job you did on the toothpaste, by the way. You must have an awfully strong grip. Let’s take a look at your calluses...

Ramona raises her palms. Bea inspects her many calluses.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)Oh, yeah. All that time on the jungle gym is paying off. Did this one get bigger? Tremendous. Trophy size.

Ramona nods, glad someone finally noticed. Bea reads her.

14.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)You know, I was a younger sister too once. Still am. No matter how old I get, I’ll always be the younger one.

RAMONANobody cares about younger sisters.

AUNT BEAHey, I hear you. It’s a thankless job. I had to wear your mom’s hand-me-downs for years. And I’m talking “Flashdance.” Ughhh, the horror! Ripped sweatshirts and leg warmers.

RAMONALeg warmers? Were your legs cold?

AUNT BEASweetie, by the time I got them, nobody’s legs were cold anymore.

Ramona can’t help but grin -- but only for a moment.

RAMONAIt’s no fair, Aunt Bea. Beezus gets to do everything first. I can never do anything as good as she does. And then Roberta -- every time she burps, people think it’s adorable. I mean, last week, she poured apple sauce on her head -- and Dad stopped to take pictures.

(Bea chuckles in sympathy)But, when it’s my turn to do stuff...it’s like nobody cares.

AUNT BEAHmmm. I’ll bet it’d be nice to have something of your own for once, right?

RAMONALike my own room. Or at least a new pair of pajamas that fit me.

AUNT BEAYeah. Or maybe even something small. That you could carry around with you.

Ramona looks at her curiously. Bea fishes a small silver box out of her bag. Ramona’s face lights up.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)Go ahead. Open it.

15.

Ramona opens it, to find a LOCKET NECKLACE. As she unclasps the locket, she sees a SCHOOL PORTRAIT of Bea, age 10.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D) I found that picture the other day. And I realized, I was exactly your age. So, I wanted you to have it.

RAMONAOh, Aunt Bea! Thank you!

Ramona studies it, as Bea points out the EMPTY FRAME opposite her own picture.

AUNT BEA There’s room for another...if you want to give that little girl some company.

Ramona proudly puts the locket around her neck. Bea smiles.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)I know it’s tough being in the middle. But...I want you to know, you’ll always have me around.

Ramona breaks into a smile -- finally, someone understands her. She shifts forward to hug Aunt Bea -- but loses her balance. Bea tries to steady her, and almost falls with her. For a moment, they hang on for dear life. Then LAUGH.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)(catching her breath)

Are you okay??!

RAMONA(laughing)

Yeah!!

MEANWHILE -- ON THE SIDEWALK -- Willa Jean passes by on her scooter -- she watches the tree SHAKE and hears WHOOPS and LAUGHTER. She looks up, confused. Scooters away, paranoid.

WILLA JEANGrandma! The tree’s laughing at me!

INT. BATH ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT

Ramona is back at the sink, collecting toothpaste in a Ziplock. She labels it “Ramona Quimby” -- places it in the medicine cabinet. As she shuts the mirror, she sees her own reflection -- and Bea smiling at the background. Bea winks.

16.

INT. RAMONA AND BEEZUS BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING

Early morning light creeps into the room. Beezus sleeps in the top bunk, Ramona SNORES DEEPLY in the lower one.

Suddenly...an ENORMOUS ROAR shakes the room! The girls shoot up in their beds. Ramona jumps up, darts to the window.

RAMONAWhat was THAT?!!

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

And right beneath that window, to Ramona’s amazement -- a BACKHOE rips into the ground, digging out a three foot trench. A pack of CONSTRUCTION WORKERS watch its progress.

INT. HALLWAY - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona goes bursting out into the halls, still in her too-small, hand-me-down pajamas. Screaming with delight:

RAMONATHE STORM TROOPERS ARE COMING!

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

YELLOW “CAUTION” TAPE marks the construction site. WORKERS in BLUE HELMETS use CROWBARS to pry away the siding and expose the bare wall. From a safe distance, Ramona and Howie gawk at the workers. CRACK! Off goes another section. Little by little, a GIANT HOLE grows before their eyes.

HOURS LATER - Howie stands at the side of the house, spying on the construction crew as they eat their lunches on the curb. He turns back and discretely signals...

HOWIE Okay -- we’re clear!

Ramona gets a running start, sprints down the hall and takes a flying leap through the hole! Her sneakers kick up a CLOUD OF DUST as she hits the dirt.

A SERIES OF JUMP CUTS -- Howie and Ramona trade turns jumping from the Big Hole, getting more spectacular with each leap:

Ramona waddles down in FLIPPERS and a SNORKEL -- pinching her nose before taking the plunge. Pretending to splash down.

17.

Howie jumps, flapping some CARDBOARD WINGS -- screeching like an EAGLE for the few seconds he’s airborne.

Ramona comes FLYING OUT WITH ANOTHER RUNNING LEAP! She holds a BED SHEET behind her back, like a parachute --

RAMONAYAAAAA-HOOOOOO!

FLASH TO RAMONA’S IMAGINATION POV:

Where a MASSIVE PARACHUTE fills with air behind her -- as Ramona skydives over the greater Portland area. Until --

Ramona’s sneakers HIT THE DIRT, right beneath the Big Hole.

RAMONA (CONT'D)HOLY MOLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT!

HOWIEI wish we had a hole at our house. It’s like the biggest plasma TV ever. Except you can jump into it!

RAMONAJust wait ‘til I tell the class! Everyone will want a hole in their house!

They run for the back door to do it again, but Mom looks out.

MOMRamona -- no more jumping!

RAMONAMom -- can’t they just leave it like this forever, PLEASE? I’ll never ask for another Christmas or Birthday present MY WHOLE LIFE, I PROMISE!

A chunk of plaster falls at Mom’s feet, making Picky-Picky jump away. Mom waves the dusty air away. It’s chaos.

MOM Howie, why don’t you guys ever play in your yard?

HOWIEWilla Jean’s taking a nap. And my Grandma has a headache.

MOMI’ll bet she does. Tell you what -- if you guys can behave for a few hours -- I’ll see if I can convince your Dad to take us out to dinner tonight.

18.

Ramona’s eyes instantly light up, delighted. Beezus suddenly cranes her head out of the bedroom window -- excited.

BEEZUSReally?! Can we go to Macaroni Joe’s?

MOMHoney, we can go anywhere. There’s an inch of dust coating the whole house. I can’t deal with cooking tonight.

Ramona celebrates by throwing her “parachute” in the air.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

The girls are excited, dressed up for a dinner out. Beezus has a purse slung over her shoulder -- frantically fixing her hair in a MIRROR. Ramona sees Dad pull into the driveway.

RAMONAHe’s home!!!!

BEEZUSAaahh! I’m having a hair crisis! I can’t be seen in public.

RAMONA(confused)

It looks the same as it always looks.

BEEZUS(reels back, shocked)

Oh, nice. Thanks. Thanks a lot!

Ramona returns to the bay window to greet her Dad. And yet, strangely -- when Ramona smushes her nose to the glass -- her Dad doesn’t even seem to notice. As the door opens, she moves in fast for her traditional hug.

RAMONA Did you crunch the numbers, Dad?

He looks down at her with a small smile. Shrugs.

DADToday they kinda crunched me back.

Ramona shares a look with Beezus. Dad squeezes her and turns a corner -- noticing a FEW LEAVES blow in from the hallway. At the end of the hall, he spots the GAPING HOLE in his house, with a view of the Oregon landscape behind it. Just seeing that big hole seems to deflate him immediately.

19.

DAD (CONT'D)Here -- brought you girls something.

He reaches into his pocket -- gives Ramona a WHITE BAG.

DAD (CONT'D)Do me a favor, Peanut. You and Beezus go outside and share these. I need a moment to talk with your Mom.

Ramona peeks inside to discover Gummi Bears. But when she looks up at him -- her Dad can’t seem to look her in the eye.

EXT. BACKYARD - CONSTRUCTION AREA - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER

Sitting on the edge of the house with their feet dangling -- Ramona and Beezus watch the contractors clean up for the day. Worried, they secretly peek through the BIG HOLE -- catching snippets of their parent’s hushed discussion.

MOM (O.S.)...how could they do that...after all those years...?

DAD (O.S.)That’s just the business.

MOM (O.S.)How are we going to afford this? On top of the bills...and the room...?

They see their Dad comforting Mom -- until suddenly workers pull a PLASTIC TARP over the hole, sealing it. Their parents’ figures turn to BLURRY SHAPES behind it.

BEEZUSThis is bad. Something’s really wrong. I can tell by the way they’re talking.

RAMONA Really? How? How can you tell?

BEEZUSAt my age, you just know these things.

Ramona shifts her weight nervously. Looks up to her big sister.

RAMONABeezus -- did I do something wrong?

BEEZUSNo. But something tells me we’re not going to Macaroni Joe’s.

20.

Beezus sadly takes a CLIP out of her hair, resigned to staying home. She divides up the Gummi Bears to cheer them up.

RAMONAHey! You got more red ones.

BEEZUS Alright. Here, take a few more. But, remember how I taught you to eat them.

RAMONABite the head off first?

BEEZUSYeah. It’s more humane that way.

The two girls smile at each other and sit among the clutter, nervously chewing on Gummi Bears together.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Mom walks into the kitchen, takes a DEEP BREATH -- and starts to clear plaster dust out of the kitchen -- prepping to cook. The girls share a look and grab some sponges to pitch in.

RAMONADownsized...? What’s that mean?!

MOMIt means the storage company was bought by a bigger one and a lot of people were let go. Including Dad.

BEEZUSWill we have enough money?

Mom pauses over her work. Tries to smile.

MOMYour Dad and I are still sorting through things. The good news is, I called Dr. Perry’s office and she can give me some part time work right away -- like before Roberta was born. That should tide us over a while.

(reading their concern)I know it’s a big shift, but I promise...it’s just temporary.

Hearing Mom comfort the girls, Dad enters -- pulling an old sweatshirt over his head, changing from his work clothes.

21.

DADYou kids don’t have to worry about this, okay? I’ll find a good job, real soon. In the meantime...I’ll have more time to spend with my girls, right?

Ramona considers it, likes the idea. Checks Beezus’ reaction.

INT. RAMONA AND BEEZUS BEDROOM - NIGHT

Ramona and Beezus lie in bunk beds, trying to process the news.

BEEZUSYou realize, we’re gonna be poor now.

RAMONANo, we’re not. Are we?

BEEZUSHave you seen how many bills they get? It’s insane. Everything costs money -- even water. There’s no way they can pay for all that stuff. And forget about new school clothes -- ugggh. As if it’s not hard enough to fit in.

RAMONA It won’t be that bad. Mom’s gonna make some money...and Dad...he’ll be with us. That part could be fun.

BEEZUSWell, get ready for another year in hand-me-down heaven.

Ramona grimaces. Just then, Dad pokes his head in the doorway.

DAD Two more minutes, my lovelies. Then it’s lights out.

Dad clicks off the overhead light. The scene now lit by the girls’ reading lights. Beezus finishes her homework in the top bunk, while Ramona flips through a well-worn book of WILDLIFE PHOTOGRAPHY below. Her little face studies the LIONS in the Serengeti, then the BUZZARDS circling a deep canyon...

And then, a GORILLA. The scariest ape ever. Ramona GASPS, closes the book. Grins. And can’t resist opening it again -- loving the shivery thrill of scaring herself! And yet, this time -- the Gorilla’s RED EYES FLICKER and GLOW. A WISP OF SMOKE rises from his nostrils! Ramona FREEZES.

22.

DAD (O.S.) (CONT'D)LIGHTS OUT, GIRLS!

Ramona stuffs the book under her pillow, pulls the chain on her LAMP. In the dark, they listen to the FLAPPING of the PLASTIC TARP in the hall. STRANGE NEW SOUNDS waft in from the outdoors.

RAMONA(after a moment)

Beezus? It’s sort of scary having a hole in the house. Don’tcha think?

(no response)Beezus? Do you think a gorilla could get inside?

BEEZUS Not likely. Gorillas are stupid.

RAMONABut, what about a smart gorilla? That didn’t have bones, so it could just slither through the cracks?

BEEZUS A brilliant, boneless gorilla? Right.

As Ramona puts her head on her pillow...she hears a GROWLING NOISE. Ramona reacts with a gulp. Suddenly, another GROWL.

RAMONA Beezus? Did you hear a growling?

BEEZUSProbably your stomach, doofus.

(then, wickedly)Unless...it’s something else.

RAMONABeezus, stop it!

BEEZUSA ferocious, hungry...

RAMONAStop it!

BEEZUSSlithering, boneless...

Beezus pops her head under the top bunk...wild-eyed, with a FLASHLIGHT under her chin.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)GORILLA! MOOHAHAHAA!

23.

Beezus LAUGHS. Ramona YELPS and dives under her covers.

EXT. OUTSIDE RAMONA’S HOUSE - MORNING

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS circle the job site, raising the FRAMEWORK for the new room. JIGSAWS BUZZ. HAMMERS CLANG.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - SAME

Dressed for her new job, Mrs. Quimby yells over the construction clatter -- rushing to give her husband a crash course in childcare. She holds Roberta in one hand, while slapping together two sandwiches with Royal Peanut Butter.

MOMBoth girls get carrots and sandwiches.

Ramona eats her cereal, and watches this role reversal play out in the kitchen -- with a bit of concern.

MOM (CONT'D)Beezus wants hers in a Ziplock. Ramona insists on tin foil -- she says it affects the taste, but I think she just likes making sculptures with it. What else? Ramona likes a hard-boiled egg, if we have any...

Dad grabs a HARD-BOILED EGG from the fridge, lobs it to her.

DAD Think fast.

Mom catches it, but just barely. She gives him a look.

MOMPlease tell me you’ll remember all this. Do you see the lunch sacks?

DAD(holds up TWO LUNCH SACKS)

Look at me. Fully domesticated.

He offers her a smile. But there’s a sad, wry edge to it. Mom softens a bit. Straightens the knot on his tie.

MOMI’ve lined up Mrs. Kemp to watch Roberta at noon. All you need to do is go nail this interview today.

DADHow do I look?

24.

MOM(flirtatious)

I’d give you a job.

DADI’d take it...

He kisses her -- and when he looks over his wife’s shoulder -- he suddenly sees that Ramona’s watching.

DAD (CONT'D)Ramona, have I shown you the proper way to crack a hard-boiled egg?

Dad grabs an egg from the fridge and SMACKS IT on his forehead -- peels it and takes a big bite. Ramona GIGGLES.

RAMONAYou are so weird, Dad.

DADHey, a guy’s gotta get his protein.

(then, with a wink to Mom)See? I’ve got this stuff down.

MOMThen I probably don’t need to remind you about the Parent-Teacher meeting tonight at Ramona’s school. Oh, and I swear there was one more thing --

Mom gives him a kiss -- and then unloads Roberta on him.

MOM (CONT'D)Oh, right. You’re late for the bus.

EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - MORNING

Dad hauls Roberta in a Bjorn, as he rushes Ramona to the BUS STOP -- where KIDS are already climbing aboard.

RAMONADad, you know, I was thinking -- now that you’ll be home, we can start doing projects together! Like building a tree house, maybe. Or a rocket. I’m leaning towards rocket.

DADI’m not on vacation, Ramona. I’m on severance, and that’s not gonna last so...let’s shelve the rocket for now.

Dad smiles -- notices the STRANGE BULGE in her bookbag.

25.

DAD (CONT'D)What’s in your bag, kiddo?

RAMONAClass reports today.

(with a smile)It’s gonna be a HOLE lotta fun.

DADThere you go. Confidence. Show that old teacher of yours what a great student you can be. When I meet her tonight, I expect to hear nothin’ but wonderful comments about my Ramona Q.

RAMONA(nodding, serious)

I will, Dad. I promise.

As Ramona scrambles onto the bus, Dad gives her a LUNCH SACK -- on which he’s used a marker to sketch a CARTOON of her. Ramona brightens.

DAD Go get ‘em today, Tiger.

RAMONAYou too, Dad.

INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

Ramona proudly studies her Dad’s ARTISTIC SKETCH on her LUNCH SACK -- it’s of Ramona, chasing a SCHOOL BUS, her hair trailing in the wind. A lanky boy named DANNY (aka YARD APE) turns from the desk in front of her. Ramona gives him a nod.

RAMONAHello, Yard Ape.

YARD APE(nodding back)

Ramona. (then, noticing the artwork)

Nice doodles.

RAMONA They’re not doodles. They’re sketches. My Dad’s extremely sketchy.

YARD APEYou don’t say. I dabble in art myself now and then...

26.

He raises his arm -- where he’s drawing a WATCH on his wrist with a BALL POINT PEN. He adds a minute and a second hand.

YARD APE (CONT'D)Ball-point timekeeping at it’s finest. Keeps perfect time. Twice a day.

Ramona smirks. Ms. Meacham enters just as the BELL RINGS.

MS. MEACHAMI trust you all survived the weekend with most of your limbs intact.

Ms. Meacham spots a note on her desk. She opens it, to read -- “MAY I GO FIRST FOR MY REPORT? YOURS TRULY, RAMONA Q.”

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Well...it seems like some of us are eager to get started. Why don’t we begin with reports today. Volunteers?

Ramona shoots her hand up, nearly falling out of her chair.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Okay, Ramona. Let’s hear it. Tell us something that’s special in your life.

Ramona quickly reaches into her bookbag -- pulls out a BLUE CONSTRUCTION HELMET and GOGGLES. She puts both on -- and with confidence and determination, walks to the front.

RAMONA(excessively polite)

Why, thank you, Ms. Meacham...

Ramona pauses for dramatic effect. But...it’s not the effect she wants. Her oversized helmet shakes like a bobble-head and her huge goggles cover most of her face. She looks so funny and intense that the class starts to get the GIGGLES.

MS. MEACHAMShh! Manners. Ramona, please, go on.

Ramona is thrown by their reaction, but clears her throat, determined.

RAMONA Well, the most special thing in my life is that a bunch of men in blue helmets came to my house this week and chopped a great big hole in it!

Ramona pauses -- to give her class enough time to be astonished, amazed, and perhaps even a bit envious.

27.

But instead the entire class (still in a giggly mood) finds this very amusing and BURSTS OUT LAUGHING. Ramona gets confused.

RAMONA (CONT'D)But, they did! They did too chop a hole in my house! Howie knows!

(turning to Howie)Howie came and jumped through the hole!

That image strikes them very funny. The laughing gets worse.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Our hole is “gargantuan.” G-A-R-G-A-N...stop laughing! T-I-A--

(lost, looking for help)U-N...A...U-N...A...N...?

SUSAN(under her breath)

I think the hole’s in her head.

Students titter. Ms. Meacham tries to control the class.

MS. MEACHAMOkay, then. Why don’t you wrap things up now, Ramona.

Ramona stammers. Her cheeks begin to feel hot. She turns to her teacher -- who seems to look at her, skeptically.

RAMONA But...I’m not lying, Ms. Meacham. Howie, you saw it -- didn’t they chop a hole in my house?!

All eyes turn to Howie. Howie’s ears start to burn.

HOWIE(after a moment)

No.

Ramona’s face goes pale. How could he betray her like that?

RAMONA(shouting earnestly)

Howie, you were there! They did too!!

Howie shrinks and shakes his head, no.

MS. MEACHAM Ramona! Take your seat. We do not shout in the fourth grade.

Ramona lingers there, helpless. How did things go so wrong?

28.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Ramona Quimby. If you want attention so badly, perhaps you need to earn it.

The class snickers, as Ramona sulks back to her seat, feeling betrayed.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Now, who would like to go next? Hands?

Hands shoot up all around her -- including Howie’s.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Yes, Howard. Go right ahead.

Howie gets up, hauls a HEAVY ODDLY-SHAPED SADDLE to the front of the class. Ramona crosses her arms, so hurt by him.

HOWIEThis is a saddle. For riding camels. It’s special ‘cause my Uncle Hobart gave it to me. He takes pictures of animals all over the world. In their natural “habitat.” Um...H-A-B-I-T-A-T?

(smiles, this is going well)He once saw a bald eagle being born. And he’s staying with us a whole month!

The kids buzz with interest, making Ramona feel even worse -- especially when he puts the saddle down.

HOWIE (CONT'D)Does anybody want to sit on it?

Hands shoot up like crazy. Everybody wants to see the thing. Ramona chokes back tears as she stews in her own misery.

EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - LATER THAT DAY

Ramona and Howie walk home from the bus stop. Howie trying to carry the weight of his camel saddle on his back.

RAMONA But you were there! You saw them chop a hole in my house.

HOWIE(shifts his weight)

Well actually, no, Ramona. They pried it. With crowbars. Technically, they pried it.

29.

RAMONABut, you know what I MEANT! Howie! Now Ms. Meacham thinks I’m a liar and she’s gonna tell my Mom and Dad I’m just a big troublemaker tonight.

HOWIEWell, you are sometimes...

(she glares at him)I mean, technically. You are.

RAMONAWell, maybe you should technically look for a new best friend...!

Suddenly, a MAN slides in front of their path on a dolly! Ramona gasps -- as he emerges from under an old JEEP LAND ROVER. This is HOBART - a rugged, bearded man of the world. Smudged with grease from car repairs. He looks at the kids.

HOBART Hey, Chief. Who’s your girlfriend?

Howie and Ramona are suddenly speechless -- so embarrassed.

RAMONA(quickly)

I’m not his girlfriend.

HOWIEShe’s not my girlfriend.

(an awkward beat)She’s Ramona. She lives over there.

HOBARTAhh, Ramona Quimby, eh? M-M-M-My Ramona. Ya’ ever heard that song?

RAMONA(hates that song)

No. Never.

HOBARTI’m Hobart. Howie’s uncle.

RAMONAYeah. We all heard about it.

Hobart smiles. He kinda likes this girl’s spunk.

HOBARTHow’s your beautiful Aunt Bea doing?

(then, with a grin)You tell Bea I’d love to catch up.

30.

Ramona raises an eyebrow at that one. Hobart slides back under the Jeep. Howie then turns to Ramona.

HOWIE(a bit sheepishly)

Can I come jump through the hole?

RAMONA Hole? Geez, that’s funny, I don’t know what hole you’re talking about.

(then, pointedly)I thought you were my friend, Howie.

Howie simply shrugs -- “sorry.” Ramona storms away, still hurt. She grabs the mail and notices that it’s mostly BILLS.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DAY

The HOUSE is buzzing with CONSTRUCTION. Dad sits on the sofa, pours through the pages of a massive COMPANY JOB LISTINGS BOOK. Ramona enters, still flustered -- looks for Dad amid the chaos.

RAMONADad -- does Aunt Bea really know some weird guy named Hobart?

DADHobart. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile. They were high school sweethearts, Hobart and Bea.

RAMONAHim?! But...he’s not even her type.

DADAnd what type is that?

RAMONAPerfect.

Dad gives her a smile. She hands him all the bills.

DAD Oof, I’m afraid to look. Bills, bills, bills. It never ends, Pickle.

RAMONADad? Did you get the job today?

Dad shrugs, shakes his head, no. Just a trace of anxiety.

DADNothing yet, I’m afraid.

31.

RAMONAOh, okay. ‘Cause, you know...I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve got the perfect job for you...

(waits a beat, for effect)You should be a fireman! You’d save people’s lives and climb those gigantic ladders. AND if it’s a night alarm, you can even put your fire suit on right over your pajamas! It’s true, Dad. We had a field trip once.

DADPajamas? That is appealing... But I think you might be overselling my job skills a bit. I’m not that versatile.

RAMONADad! I think you can do anything!

(then, sincerely)Don’t you?

Her Dad smiles. Appreciates the support. Gives her a wink.

DADI’ll have to add “fireman” to my list.

Ramona slides under his arm, snuggles up to him. Peeks at the Job Book, filled with notes, as well as doodles and sketches.

DAD (CONT'D)How’d your report turn out today?

Ramona hesitates -- she wants his approval so badly.

RAMONANo one could even believe it, Dad.

DADWell, don’t worry. I’ll still try to act surprised when Ms. Meacham raves about it tonight.

Ramona sighs painfully.

RAMONA (V.O.)Umm...Mom...you don’t have to go...

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - LATER THAT NIGHT

Ramona follows after her Mom as she rushes through the house, still in her work clothes -- prepping to leave.

32.

RAMONAI’ve heard those teacher meetings can be really, really boring...it makes your brain numb, it’s that boring...

Mom jogs up the stairs, laughing at that one. Calling out.

MOMWe need to be there by SEVEN, honey!

(then, to Ramona)Nice try, Ramona.

Dad gets ready in the BEDROOM. Mom joins him there, shuts the door. Ramona climbs to the top of the stairs -- listening to her parents hurry around. Her Mom’s HEELS CLICKING away.

MOM (O.S.) (CONT'D)I talked to the doctor’s office. I asked for more hours...

DAD (O.S.)Were we crazy to start the addition? We barely cover the mortgage as it is.

MOM (O.S.)Well, we’re too far into it now. And since the loan came through, we might as well finish it...

Beezus approaches the stairs, listening to all this through the railings. She and Ramona share a worried look.

DAD (O.S.)Yeah...but I’d rather sell it than have the bank take it.

Off Ramona’s troubled face, FLASH TO HER IMAGINATION POV:

BANKERS in handle bar mustaches walk around their house -- attaching a series of CHAINS along the ground. When the chains pull taut -- suddenly the WHOLE HOUSE gets yanked right off its foundation by a MASSIVE CRANE --

And dumped onto the back of a gigantic FLAT BED TRUCK, which rumbles away down Klickitat Street. Sparks fly. NEIGHBORS gawk at the spectacle. Ramona and her family watch in tears.

BACK TO THE SCENE - When her parents suddenly open the bedroom door, Ramona STARTLES and stands up, very concerned.

RAMONAWhere’s the bank going to take our house, Mom?

33.

MOMOh...sweetie, no. Your father and I were just talking, that’s all.

RAMONA(hands on hips)

I know! But where’s the bank going to take our house?

MOMRamona, you shouldn’t spy on people’s conversations. Now, Aunt Bea just called, she’ll be here in five minutes. You’ll be good for her, right?

Her parents kiss her goodbye as they exit. Beezus heads into the LIVING ROOM. Ramona follows after her, worried.

RAMONABeezus...please, tell me. Where’s the bank going to take our house?

BEEZUSIt’s just an expression, silly. They don’t take it anywhere.

RAMONA(lies down on the sofa, relieved)

Oh.

BEEZUS...they just sell it to someone else.

RAMONA(bolts upright)

What?!

Suddenly, the PHONE RINGS. Ramona reaches for it, but Beezus grabs it first -- and sees “HENRY HUGGINS” on the CALLER ID.

BEEZUSHENRY! It’s HENRY. It’s HENRY!!!

(answering, casually)Hello, who is it? Oh, hey, Henry...

Beezus takes the phone into THE HALLWAY. Ramona chases her.

RAMONABeezus, wait -- will we have to move?

(pursuing her down the hall)Beezus, we can’t move -- this is our house! We belong here! I don’t want us to leave Klickitat Street!

34.

BEEZUS Ramona! Stop embarrassing me! I’m on the PHONE!

She SLAMS the BEDROOM DOOR, leaving Ramona by herself, scared.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

A KNOCK on the FRONT DOOR. Ramona rushes to it, seeing Aunt Bea.

RAMONAAunt Bea! Can I ask you...?

AUNT BEASssshhh. Just a moment, Babe.

Aunt Bea quickly shuts the door, moves straight for the bay window to look at something outside. Ramona joins her -- and sees Hobart working on the engine of his Jeep Land Rover.

RAMONAWhat’s wrong?

AUNT BEANothing’s wrong. I just...thought I recognized somebody out there.

RAMONAOh -- you mean Hobart. Hummph.

Ramona grimaces. Aunt Bea laughs at her reaction.

AUNT BEASounds like you’ve met him.

RAMONAHe seems like a big teaser to me.

AUNT BEAYeah. That would be Hobart, alright.And ummm, did he have anything to say?

RAMONA He said he wants to catch up with you.

AUNT BEA You’re kidding. Oh, that is...that’s classic.

Aunt Bea snorts in disbelief.

RAMONA Aunt Bea. I think the bank is gonna take our house away.

35.

AUNT BEAWait...what are you talking about?

RAMONA‘Cause of the big hole in our house. Beezus says they could sell it...

A CAR HORN HONKS. Hobart waves. Bea whips the drapes shut.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Aunt Bea? Are you listening?

AUNT BEAYeah. I’m just...how can I put it?

(sighs, trying to explain)You know those calluses on your hands, honey? How your skin gets all tough, so it can protect the spots that got hurt? Well, I’ve kinda got one on my heart -- from a really long time ago.

(then, with a squint)And if he thinks he can just come back here after all this time and start picking away at it...oooh, the nerve!

Flustered, Bea returns to the window. Ramona feels left out.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)Ramona -- can we talk a bit later?

Ramona nods, forlorn. She looks for someone to talk to -- and spots Picky-Picky. She chases him around the house, then finally grabs him under the sofa -- and drags him away.

INT. BATHROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ramona sits in the empty tub, fully-clothed. Holds Picky-Picky.

RAMONAI guess you’re the only one left. I don’t have anybody else to talk to.

(after a moment) I’m sorry for pulling your tail when I was little. And for trying to teach you to catch. And dress-up.

The cat opens his BIG GREEN EYES and looks at her.

RAMONA (CONT'D)We’re in a lot of trouble, Picky-Picky. We don’t have any money. And we might lose our house.

(stroking his soft fur)But don’t worry. I’m gonna help.

36.

(MORE)

Nobody thinks I can. But I can. I can do it. I can be...extraordinary.

Picky-Picky washes his paw. He seems to be nodding.

RAMONA (CONT'D)I’m glad we agree.

INT. RAMONA AND BEEZUS’ BEDROOM - LATE NIGHT

Ramona lies in bed, wide awake. As soon as she hears her parents arrive home, she gets out of bed and cracks her bedroom door -- finding Mom and Dad already IN THE HALLWAY.

MOMOh...Ramona...you’re up.

DADListen, old girl...we need to have a chat about school...

RAMONAI know. I wanted to tell you both. Umm, I’m sure Ms. Meacham said awful things about me. And you think I’m just a troublemaker, but...I’m gonna do better. I’m gonna do better at school. I’m gonna get along with Beezus. And I’m gonna help the family and be responsible. I will.

(with complete sincerity)I promise you’ll be proud of me.

Ramona SIGHS -- there, she said it. She walks back in her room and closes the door. Her parents trade surprised looks.

DADWere we...about to discipline her?

MOMI guess she got the message.

Dad can’t help but chuckle.

DADWow. We’re good.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MORNING

Ramona dashes into the kitchen -- takes a deep breath -- then CLAPS her hands with determination. Time to get to business.

RAMONA Alright! Let’s make some money!

37.RAMONA (CONT'D)

In RAPID-FIRE CUTS, we see her collect her tools of choice. GLASSWARE. LEMON SLICES. A MOUNTAIN of SUGAR, which she dumps into a pitcher of LEMONADE, tastes it -- and puckers from the intense sweetness. Ahhh, the perfect zing!

EXT. FRONT YARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Beezus walks outside, seeing Ramona pull her BEDROOM DESK up to the sidewalk, cover it with a tablecloth -- and then pour pitchers of lemonade into a FORMAL PUNCH BOWL.

BEEZUSRamona, what are you doing?

RAMONAIt’s a secret.

(a quick beat)Okay, I’ll tell you! I’m saving the house for Mom and Dad!

BEEZUSBut, Ramona! That’s Mom’s crystal!

RAMONAI know! We’re gonna make so much money today, Beezus! If you want to join the team...well, I could use a hardworking sales associate.

She unveils a SIGN that reads “DELISHUS LEMONADE -- $1”.

BEEZUSUhhh, is that...”delicious?”

RAMONAYou bet it is! Ooh, customer!

They look down the street, where a TEENAGE BOY rides by on a bike. Beezus CATCHES HER BREATH -- ducks behind the desk.

BEEZUSOh, God...it’s Henry! Oh, God! Please Ramona, don’t embarrass me.

In the street, HENRY HUGGINS wheels toward them on his bike. Beezus peeks over the desk, stands up and quickly primps.

RAMONAWhat’s so special about Henry all of the sudden? You’ve known him your whole life...

38.

BEEZUS(hissing)

Ssshh! You wouldn’t understand.

HENRYHey, Beezus. Selling lemonade, huh?

BEEZUS(twirling her hair)

Just helping out my little sister.

They awkwardly stand there a moment, half-shy, half-flirty. Ramona rolls her eyes, watching their strange behavior.

HENRYI’ll have one.

Bingo! Ramona’s eyes light up, seeing Henry reach for money.

RAMONAYou will?! Great! It’s just a dollar a glass. Exact change preferred.

BEEZUSOh, Henry doesn’t have to pay. It’s free samples for special guests.

RAMONABut, it’s for the house...!

BEEZUSShe meant on the house, just for you.

RAMONABut...!

Beezus shoots her a look and ladles Henry a glass -- failing to see a FLY dive into the lemonade. Ramona’s eyes widen.

HENRY(handing it to her)

Ladies first.

BEEZUSThank you, Henry.

RAMONABut, Beezus...!

Beezus shoots her another glare. Ramona watches the fly sputter inside the cup. Beezus smiles at Henry, not taking her eyes off him as she takes a dainty little sip. Ramona winces as the FLY GOES DOWN THE HATCH...

39.

BEEZUSBLEECH!

Beezus’ face tweaks and she SPRAYS LEMONADE all over Henry.

HENRYAAAGGGGHHHH!

Beezus’ eyes tear-up, as Henry takes a disgusted step back.

BEEZUSOh! Oh...!

Beezus freezes -- then mortified, TURNS AND BOLTS FOR THE HOUSE. Henry still doesn’t know what hit him, dripping with lemonade. Ramona smiles sheepishly.

RAMONA She’s right. No charge for that.

INT. RAMONA AND BEEZUS’ BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Beezus lies on the top bunk, her face buried in a pillow. Ramona peeks her head inside the door, cautiously.

RAMONABeezus...?

BEEZUSOh, God, I want to die! Just let me die! Henry will never talk to me again! It’s all your fault, Ramona!

RAMONAMy fault? What did I do?

BEEZUSDon’t get me started! If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were actually trying to ruin my life! You run around like a little nutball, you destroy my social life...I mean, you even stuck me with my stupid nickname!

RAMONA(stunned by the accusation)

But...I was just a baby then...And I meant to call you Beatrice...it just came out wrong...

BEEZUSTell me about it. How can I be normal with a dumb name like Beezus? Who could ever love a girl named Beezus?

40.

RAMONAJesus...?

Ramona was trying to help. Beezus takes it as another jab.

BEEZUS GET OUT! This was my room first! And take your stupid cat with you!

Beezus grabs Picky-Picky off Ramona’s bed -- pushes him into Ramona’s arms and nudges them both out the door. SLAMS IT.

RAMONA (V.O.)I guess this means we’re on our own now, Picky-Picky...

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona glumly counts out the day’s earnings into a PLASTIC PENCIL CASE. Not much. Picky-Picky looks on, bored.

RAMONASo, we’re either gonna need a lot more lemons...or a better plan. Any ideas?

Picky-Picky simply cleans his paws. His collar JINGLES.

RAMONA (CONT'D)That’s all you got? Cleaning? I’m trying to make money here, my friend -- and you’re just making hair balls.

And yet, the longer she watches...it seems to spark an idea.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Picky-Picky -- you deserve a raise!

EXT. GARAGE - THE NEXT DAY

Ramona RUSHES through the family garage. She grabs some GOGGLES and tugs a huge pair of RUBBER GLOVES over her hands. She loads a BUCKET with SPONGES and LIQUID SOAPS.

EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - DAY

Ramona walks down the street, carrying a revised SIGN that reads, “DELISHUS LEMONADE CAR WASH -- $1 ONLY $20!” She walks across the perfectly manicured lawn of MRS. PITT -- who kneels, toiling over her beautiful flower garden.

MRS. PITTRamona, please -- keep off the grass.

41.

Ramona balances on one foot to honor the request. Mrs. Pitt’s hyperactive DACHSHUND sniffs and nibbles at her feet.

RAMONAMrs. Pitt, would you care for a good car wash today? I can do it right now. For the irresistible, low-low price of twenty U.S. dollars!

MRS. PITTMy car is in the shop today, dearie.

RAMONAOh. Well...I also wash dachshunds!

The dachshund YELPS. Mrs. Pitt gathers him up. No sale.

EXT. KLICKITAT STREET MONTAGE - VARIOUS

Ramona stands on the FRONT PORCH of a neighbor, MR. SWINK.

RAMONAWash your car, Mr. Swink? Only...umm, fifteen dollars! Or less, maybe?

MR. SWINKNo, thanks. Just washed it myself.

THROUGH ANOTHER NEIGHBOR’S DOOR -- we see Ramona through the PEEP HOLE -- her face distorted through the FISH EYE LENS.

RAMONA Please, let me wash your car! Please!

The door OPENS. Ramona looks UP at the hope of a potential sale. But, instead...she looks DOWN, to see it’s just a KID.

LITTLE KIDAre you the pizza man?!

RAMONAUhh...no.

He SLAMS the DOOR. Ramona sighs. No sale.

EXT. QUIMBY HOUSE - KLICKITAT STREET - DAY

Ramona sits on the curb, discouraged. She takes off one of her rubber gloves and blows it up like a balloon, waving it glumly as Aunt Bea pulls up in her VW BUG.

AUNT BEAHow’s business, babe?

42.

RAMONAI’m considering retirement.

Bea smiles -- turns off the engine, then glances over to the Kemp’s front yard. She sees Hobart by his Land Rover.

AUNT BEA Is he still out there? Doesn’t he have anything better to do than tinker with his precious Jeep?

Even as she says it, Hobart looks up from under the hood -- smiles at the two of them. Gives them a nod and a wave.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)(chuckling)

Look at him. He thinks he can flash me those blue eyes and that smug little smile...and just reel me back in again.

RAMONAReel you back in...?

AUNT BEAYeah. Like a sea bass.

RAMONAEew.

AUNT BEA I know. Exactly.

(scoffing)Here’s what we do. We head straight for the house, looking confident and radiant, so Hobart gets a good look at everything he missed out on. Okay?

(sotto, grinning)I am so glad I wore my skinny jeans today. You ready to strut with me?

RAMONAI think so. What if he talks to us?

AUNT BEAWe ignore him.

RAMONAGot it. Strut and ignore.

With that, Bea and Ramona strut toward the house with attitude. Their noses raised in the air.

AUNT BEALookin’ good, Ramona. Keep it up.

43.

Feeling fantastic, Bea shoots a confident look over at Hobart -- and in doing so, fails to see Willa Jean scooter right into her path on the sidewalk -- then SMACK!

From Hobart’s point-of-view, Bea YELPS and falls out frame -- landing right on her butt in the flower bed.

WILLA JEAN‘Scuse me!

Willa Jean pulls a quick U-turn and heads back to her house. Bea groans, covered in wood chip mulch. All dignity lost.

AUNT BEANice work, Bea. Really smooth.

Hobart runs over to offer her a hand. Bea winces as he helps her up. She brushes off her pants.

HOBART Gotta watch for that cross traffic, ladies. What’s the big hurry?

RAMONAWe’re ignoring you.

HOBARTAww. Now why would you do that?

RAMONASo nobody gets reeled-in like a sea bass.

Ramona crosses her arms and gives Aunt Bea a cool nod -- as if she’s just put this guy in his place. Grinning, Hobart raises an eyebrow.

HOBARTWell...I’ll try not to do that.

(smiling at her, coyly)Beatrice. It’s been a long time.

AUNT BEAHas it? I suppose you’re right. I hadn’t really thought about it much. Well, Ramona and I have to get going, so...Hobart, you’re lovely...it’s lovely, I mean...to see you again.

It’s obvious that the spark is still there. Hobart smiles.

HOBARTHey, wait. C’mon. It’d be nice to find some time to catch up, Bea.

44.

AUNT BEA(smiling politely)

I think we just did. Excuse us.

He grins, as Bea pushes past him. He’s got a rakish sort of charm that seems unflappable. He spots Ramona’s sign.

HOBARTRamona -- that Jeep of mine could sure use a wash, don’tcha think? Poor thing’s been sitting in the garage for ten years. How much to hose ‘er off?

Ramona stops, quickly hides the sign. Squints at him.

RAMONAFifty dollars!

Bea LAUGHS at that. Starts pulling Ramona away again.

HOBARTFifty dollars?! I can’t take advantage of you like that. That Jeep’s my pride and joy. For you to clean it -- and a delicious, custom hand wash at that -- I’ll have to insist on an even hundred dollars. Not a penny less.

RAMONAA HUNDRED DOLLARS??! YA-HOOOOO!!

HOBARTOn one condition... Bea gets to chat with me. We can sit inside, like the old car washes. What do you say, Bea? Like I said...it’d be nice to catch up.

Ramona looks to Bea, pleading with her eyes -- you can see dollar signs in them. Bea tries not to grin, admiring Hobart’s gamesmanship. His charm is already getting to her.

AUNT BEA(confers with Ramona)

How fast can you wash this car?

RAMONASuper fast! I promise.

AUNT BEA(sighing, resigned)

Okay.

Ramona WHOOPS and spins in circles happily -- then turns to Hobart to seal the deal.

45.

RAMONA Will that be cash or check?

EXT. DRIVEWAY - OUTSIDE THE KEMPS HOUSE - DAY

Ramona fires up the HOSE. The powerful recoil nearly knocks her over! Howie emerges from the Kemp house, timidly.

HOWIEUmm, Ramona? My grandma told me to tell you not to muck up her driveway.

RAMONAThis is a dirty job, Howie. I think I’m gonna need your help.

HOWIEBut...I thought you were mad at me?

RAMONAI am. So now you owe me.

Howie grins, relieved. Ramona tosses him a sponge.

Meanwhile, Hobart opens the passenger door. Bea takes a breath, peeks inside -- and SLIDES INTO THE JEEP LAND ROVER. Bea looks around, every detail seems to jog a memory:

A faded HIGH SCHOOL PARKING PERMIT on the windshield. A stick shift with an EIGHT BALL knob. A 1996 GRADUATION TASSEL hangs from the mirror. Hobart climbs into the driver’s side.

AUNT BEAIt’s like time stood still in here. I’d swear I was back in ‘96.

HOBARTYeah, well...I wouldn’t mind going back there. Maybe I could figure out where I messed up.

AUNT BEAI don’t even know anymore. That was such a long time ago. I’ve moved on.

HOBART Clearly. I mean, look at you, Bea -- you turned out amazing.

He gives her a killer smile, those big blue eyes sparkling.

HOBART (CONT'D)And I hear you’re teaching these days. I’ll bet you’re terrific at it.

46.

AUNT BEAWell, it’s hard to go wrong with five year-olds. When in doubt, break out the juice boxes and read ‘em a good story.

(then, admitting it)I’ve shown ‘em a few of your books along the way. They like your photos.

Hobart reacts surprised. And flattered.

HOBART Hope they love polar bears... That’s my next assignment. I’m due up in Alaska in a few weeks, so...as soon as I get this Jeep up and running, I’m back on the road. And out of your hair for a few more years.

AUNT BEA(unsure how to feel)

Well. My hair thanks you.

OUTSIDE THE JEEP -- Ramona sprays the car, while Howie adds a ridiculous mix of soaps and detergents. It suds like crazy.

HOWIEI think my uncle likes your aunt, huh?

RAMONAWell, she doesn’t like him at all. She’s too good for him. She’s the best Kindergarten teacher in Portland. And she taught me how to play soccer. And...and...she wears Channel Number 5.

HOWIESo what? We get Channel 5.

RAMONAIt’s a perfume, Howie. Sheesh.

Ramona glances at the two grown-ups inside. Hobart nods and waves to her. She blasts the hose right at his smiling face.

INSIDE THE JEEP -- Hobart laughs.

AUNT BEAThat was pretty inspired, bribing my niece just to talk to me, Mr. Moneybags.

HOBART Hey, a hundred bucks is a bargain. Between you and me, I was prepared to go much higher.

47.

AUNT BEA(smiling)

Well, well. Times have changed. This from the guy who, for my sixteenth birthday, gave me a ring from a gumball machine!

HOBART(embarrassed)

Pretty suave, I admit.

AUNT BEAAnd I had to lend you the quarter. That should have been my first clue about you, Hobart. Cheap.

HOBART Hey, you wore that ring all the time!

AUNT BEA (chuckles)

For years. Even when it turned my finger green, which should have been my second clue. Totally flimsy.

HOBARTIt didn’t feel “flimsy” when you nailed me in the eye with it!

Bea snorts, exasperated.

AUNT BEAI only did that ‘cause you dumped me at the Prom! I think any jury would have sided with me.

(after a beat)Let’s face it. I treated that ring like it was real. You always knew it was plastic. You and me in a nutshell.

Hobart ponders that analogy -- knows she’s probably right.

HOBARTOkay, I was immature back then. But, I’m older now. I’m slightly less stupid. And I’m dying to make it up to you somehow. If you’ll let me.

Bea’s caught off-guard by his sincerity. But then they both react -- suddenly hearing the kids climb onto the ROOF RACK.

HOBART (CONT'D)Awfully thorough, isn’t she?

48.

AUNT BEAYou get what you pay for...

The car shakes a bit, causing the sun visor to fall open -- and a SHINY CD suddenly drops out, right onto Hobart’s lap.

HOBARTWell...what do we have here? “You and Me Mix, ‘96”? Could these be the romantic stylings of young Beatrice?

Aunt Bea looks at the CD -- and her eyes widen. She laughs and wrestles for it, but he playfully holds the disc away.

AUNT BEADon’t you dare put that in. Oh God, please...this is so embarrassing.

Too late. Hobart pops it in the CD player. Bea can’t help but smile as MUSIC STARTS. Dated LOVE SONGS from a teenage romance. A STREAM OF WATER flows over the windshield and windows, like a waterfall. Soap bubbles float lightly around them. It’s all strangely romantic.

OUTSIDE THE JEEP -- The kids climb on the roof rack, covered in suds like soapy snowmen. Ramona looks at Bea through the MOON ROOF. Sees her languidly tilt back her head, smiling.

RAMONAHowie, help! She’s getting reeled in!

Ramona frantically tries to get Bea’s attention! She triggers the hose -- but her glove gets caught in the sprayer and she can’t turn it off. The hose starts bucking and fighting her like an out-of-control cobra, KNOCKING HER DOWN --

She slides down the windshield, across the hood -- and TUMBLE-ROLLS onto the ground -- bumping into a tall WORK LADDER. Panicked, Ramona watches the ladder wobble -- then crash into some high WOODEN SHELVES. The shelves shake violently, jostling a DOZEN OLD PAINT CANS -- which slide off in unison!

INSIDE THE JEEP -- Hobart and Bea hear a DOZEN THUDS. Hobart hits the WIPERS to clear bubbles -- revealing Ramona on the ground, staring at the Jeep, horrified. Hobart winces.

HOBARTI’m afraid to look.

Hobart and Bea get out of the car -- to discover that the truck, the driveway, and Ramona are now splattered with a DOZEN COLORS OF PAINT! The vintage Jeep has become a PASTEL POLKA-DOTTED NIGHTMARE. Hobart’s face goes blank. He can only utter a small, painful little whimper. Ramona squirms anxiously.

49.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona sits alone on the sofa, like a condemned prisoner -- surrounded by Kemps and Quimbys. Her Dad looks mortified, pacing around -- talking to an Auto Detailer on the phone.

DADYeah, the surface was wet, but the paint was smearing, so...the trick is, how do we get it off without damaging the paint underneath? They tried wiping and scraping...Huh? Lemme ask.

(to the group)Water-based or oil-based?

MRS. KEMPOil.

HOBARTExtremely indelible oil.

DAD(winces, back to the phone)

Oil. Indeed. So, if we brought it in, how much would it cost? Ballpark.

(then, eyes widening)That’s hundreds? Thousands? Oof.

The word “thousands” sends a chill up Ramona’s spine. Her Dad sighs, cups his hand over the receiver. Looks at Hobart.

DAD (CONT'D)Hobart, I promise you...no matter what it costs, we’ll make sure that Jeep looks good as new.

Hobart peers out the window at his polka-dotted “Pride-n-Joy.” It kills him to see it like that.

Ramona trades a rueful look with Dad -- and approaches Hobart, so ashamed. Ready to face the consequences.

RAMONAIt’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.

HOBARTSorry? You’re sorry? Ramona...

He looks at his ridiculous Jeep, then at beautiful Bea -- who’s clearly very stressed-out for the Quimbys. He turns and faces Ramona -- and seems to make a decision.

50.

HOBART (CONT'D)Now that I’m seeing it from a distance, I’m realizing...I should be thanking you. I mean, look at it...

(trying to convince himself)It’s camouflaged. Perfect for my nature photography. From what I hear, most of the great Alaskan terrain looks like...that. I won’t have to leave the car to get up close to those animals.

RAMONA(unsure)

Well...umm, I’m glad you like it?

When Dad hears this, he puts the phone down a moment.

DADHobart...you don’t want to leave it like that. I mean...

HOBARTNah, it’s okay. I paid for something delicious -- and look what I got. An Easter Egg.

(then, to Bea)Whaddya’ think, Bea? Good look for me?

AUNT BEAUhh...sure. It might even bring out your sensitive side.

Everyone LAUGHS. Ramona EXHALES -- a huge relief. Bea shares a sweet look with Hobart -- mouths the words “thank you.”

MRS. KEMPExcuse me -- what about my driveway?

Ramona’s Dad turns to her with a stern expression. She INHALES sharply again -- knows she’s not off the hook...

EXT. KEMPS DRIVEWAY - LATER

With cans of PAINT REMOVER and SCRUB BRUSHES all around her, Ramona SCRUBS THE PAINT STAINS on the driveway, her little arms aching. Mrs. Kemp hovers over her, inspecting her work. BLENDED PASTEL COLORS stream down the driveway to the drain.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - THAT NIGHT

Ramona’s Dad hands her a LONG HARDWARE STORE RECEIPT.

51.

Ramona sighs miserably, places a long receipt in her empty pencil case -- her funds are gone. She starts to wash her dirty hands. Her Mom kisses her paint-stained forehead.

RAMONANow I have less money then when I started.

MOMWell, how ‘bout you focus on things around the house instead? Being a good helper, getting along with your sisters -- like you promised? Okay?

RAMONAI can feed Roberta, Mommy. Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll do it!

MOMOkay. Here’s the peas. Grab a spoon and work some magic.

Ramona takes a jar of STRAINED PEAS to the highchair -- loads up a spoonful and tries to goad Roberta to OPEN HER MOUTH.

RAMONAOooh, look! Here comes the, umm... intergalactic space lava! And it’s gonna be sucked into the black hole. C’mon. Where is it, Roberta? Where does the intergalactic space lava go?

BEEZUSRamona, she’s an infant. She doesn’t know what intergalactic space lava is. I don’t even know what that is.

RAMONAOh, you be quiet, Beez--

Mom and Dad look at her. Ramona catches herself. Grins.

RAMONA (CONT'D)I mean, thank you for your feedback.

Mom smiles at her, bringing food to the table. Dad moves his Job Book to clear a space for the plate. Reading as he eats.

MOMAny progress today?

DADEh. Couple leads, but...

(shaking his head)I don’t know, guys.

52.

(MORE)

Maybe I’m just not executive material anymore. Maybe it’s time I try something else.

MOM(suddenly a bit worried)

Like what?

RAMONAFireman! Fireman! Fireman!

DAD(laughing)

Perhaps. Or...maybe something creative. I dunno. Something fun.

MOMHey...when you find a job that pays you to have fun, give them my resume, too. ‘Cause typing medical transcriptions fifty hours a week is getting old.

Beezus and Ramona note the tension in their parents’ voices.

RAMONA(changing the subject)

Guess what? It’s picture day tomorrow.

DADOh, good. Seeing your picture always cheers me up. I could use a cheer-up.

MOMMe, too.

RAMONAThen I’ll make sure it’s the best picture ever, ever. It’ll be dazzling!

DADWell, I’d expect nothing less.

Her parents share a knowing smile. The tension is released. Ramona smiles, then gives it another go with the baby.

RAMONASay peas! Peas, please! Yummy peas!

Roberta finally opens her mouth -- and accepts a spoonful.

RAMONA (CONT’D)Mom, look! I got her to eat peas!!

But then, Roberta suddenly BLOWS HARD -- spraying mushy, squishy, smelly green peas ALL OVER RAMONA’S FACE.

53.DAD (CONT'D)

RAMONA (CONT'D)Ahhhhhhhhhhh! That’s DISGUS--

Ramona catches herself, as everyone at the table looks up -- to see her covered in green slime. She calmly wipes dripping peas from her chin. Trying to be the picture of grace.

RAMONA (CONT'D)I mean...what a darling little sister. I wish there were ten of you.

They all burst out LAUGHING -- except for a queasy Ramona.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - THE NEXT MORNING

CHAOS in the Quimby House, as WORKERS roll a TABLE SAW through the living room. Their HEAVY WORK BOOTS leave a trail as they go. Ramona’s Dad navigates his way through the messy house -- cleaning as he goes.

Behind him, a COMMERCIAL PLAYS ON TV: showing an ADORABLE GIRL run into a kitchen, grab her “ROYAL PEANUT BUTTER” -- then spin around, transformed into a PRINCESS with TIARA and CGI FROG.

CGI FROG Gribit!

ANNOUNER (V.O.)Royal Peanut Butter. For the little princess in your home.

Dressed her best for “picture day” -- Ramona earnestly mouths along to the ad. Dad hustles past the TV, chuckling at her.

DADAnother one of your favorites?

RAMONAYep!

DADThat’s the racket we need to be in. Those little TV kids make millions.

Ramona notes that comment with interest. She turns to Beezus beside her, who curls Ramona’s hair with a CURLING IRON.

RAMONABeezus -- do you think I could be on a commercial like that?

54.

BEEZUSSure. You’d make a great frog.

(off her look)Hold still. I’m almost done.

RAMONA(re: her hair)

It’ll be “picture” perfect, right?

BEEZUSI’m trying, okay? But you’re like ten years worth of messy, and I can only do so much to help you fit in. This is a curling iron -- not a magic wand.

Beezus finishes, then adds an excessive amount of HAIRSPRAY.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)Well, considering the circumstances... I’d say you’ve never looked better.

RAMONAWow, I lo-ooove it! Thanks, Beezus!

Ramona smiles, jumps off the stool -- admires her new pretty curls in every possible reflective surface. She skips up to Dad by the fridge as he frantically preps their lunches.

DADWe’re late again! How your Mom kept things running so smooth beats the heck out of me...

(reacts to the clatter of construction)

Well, at least these guys will be done soon. Fingers crossed.

RAMONADad, now that the room’s almost ready, have you decided who’s gonna get it?

DADWhy? You know anyone interested?

Ramona bounces up and down, pointing to herself with an eager smile. Laughing, Dad looks for some lunch bags.

DAD (CONT'D)Ramona, I don’t know what I can tell ya’. Just be the best girl you can be, and we’ll see how it shakes out.

Dad finds the bags, stuffs them with food, and turns to hand them over. Distracted, he grabs an EGG from the fridge, drops it in Ramona’s lunch bag, suddenly really noticing her.

55.

DAD (CONT'D)Wow. You look dazzling for those pictures, Pickle. Smile big and make us proud.

INT. LUNCH ROOM - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

Ramona happily twists her bouncy NEW CURLS -- as she sits at the lunch table with her dressed-up classmates. Susan looks especially regal and stately, like a junior senator.

HOWIEGeez. You look fancy.

SUSANThank you. My mother helped pick out the perfect ensemble. She works in real estate, so she knows something about presentation.

(with a snarky glance to Ramona)If you ever want her advice, I’m sure she could help you, too. You’d qualify as a “fixer-upper.”

RAMONANo thanks, Susan. My Mom lets me pick out my own clothes.

SUSANWe can tell.

Some kids GIGGLE. Ramona sighs. Annoyed by this, Yard Ape promptly plucks a GRAPE from Susan’s lunch --

SUSAN (CONT'D)Excuse me? What are you doing?

YARD APELoading my grape-a-pult.

He spears the grape with the prongs of a PLASTIC FORK -- and then, PHWAP -- catapults it into his mouth. Grins and chews.

SUSAN Um, what was the purpose of that?

YARD APEThe question is: can any one top it?

Ramona’s eyes light up, excited by the challenge. She grabs her EGG, displaying it to the others like a rare diamond.

56.

RAMONAHave you ever seen the proper way to crack a hard-boiled egg? Take notes if you want to, Susan.

She raises the EGG and CRACKS IT against her forehead -- but gets an unexpected SQUISH! YOLK runs down her horrified face. She tries to shake the egg out of her hair -- but it sprays all the kids, who SCREAM and SCATTER! The noise prompts the ENTIRE CAFETERIA to turn! Kids GAWK and LAUGH at Ramona.

Ramona freezes for a beat with all those eyes mocking her. Then she turns and runs away, mortified and dripping in goo.

INT. LIBRARY - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - MOMENTS LATER

As KIDS line up for pictures, Ms. Meacham quickly tries to clean Ramona’s sticky hair with paper towels.

RAMONA(nearly crying)

Dad gave me the wrong egg...I thought it was hard-boiled...and Beezus fixed my hair so I’d look dazzling...I wasn’t trying to be a pest, I swear...

Her whole CLASS stands in line, grooming themselves with plastic combs. The OLD CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHER makes the kids pose rapid-fire -- FLASH-FLASH-FLASH! -- an assembly line.

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHERSay cheese. Next. Say cheese. Next.

Ramona panics as her turn approaches. Ms. Meacham tries to comb down her HAIRSPRAYED, STICKY, MATTED HAIR -- but the hair SPRINGS UP each time she combs it, refusing to be tamed.

MS. MEACHAMYou’d better just smile. Nice and big. Hopefully, no one will notice.

Ms. Meacham pats her arm and joins MR. CARDOZA near the photographer’s painted PINE TREE BACKDROPS. As they begin to drift behind it, Ramona hears part of their conversation...

MR. CARDOZA (O.S.)Egg in her hair? That’s a new one.

MS. MEACHAM (O.S.)Such a nuisance...

57.

Ramona’s face falls, crushed to overhear that. For a split second, all other SOUND SEEMS TO FADE -- and Ramona can only hear her own PANICKED BREATHING. That’s when Yard Ape turns to her in line -- gives her bizarre hairstyle a once-over.

YARD APEHey, cheer up, Ramona. I can never get my hair to stand straight up like that!

“NEXT!” Yard Ape takes his turn in front of the camera.

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHERSay cheese.

YARD APECh-Ch-Ch-Chee-eeeeeeese.

(then, after the FLASH)How come you always tell us to say cheese? Aren’t you tired of cheese?

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHERAs a matter of fact, I am. Next!

Ramona steps up next -- flustered and sporting crazy hair.

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT'D)Say...PEAS!

AS THE CAMERA STARTS TO FLASH: TIME SLOWS and we intercut a FLASH FRAME of baby Roberta spitting up her mushy peas right at us. Ramona reels back at the memory, her nose crinkled in complete disgust -- before the camera finishes its FLASH!

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT'D)Next!

RAMONAAwww. But...

CRUSTY PHOTOGRAPHERHey, c’mon -- I’ve got a gazillion kids in line! Next!

Ramona walks away despondent, her face hot. Susan sniffs.

SUSANCan’t wait to see how that turns out.

CUT TO:

CLOSE ON: that AWFUL SCHOOL PHOTO -- Ramona’s “peas face” duplicated in every size imaginable: 3x5s...4x6s...8x12s...

58.

INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - BASEMENT - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DAY

PULL OUT, to see those pictures arrayed on a little TABLE. Dad and Beezus huddle over the pictures, trying not to laugh.

DADGeez. I’m sorry about that raw egg, kiddo. I really messed up, huh?

Ramona just crosses her arms. Upset.

RAMONADad -- that’s gonna be my picture all year now. I look like a troll.

DADNo, you don’t...

RAMONAYes, I do!

BEEZUSYes, she does.

Ramona GLARES at Beezus. Beezus sighs, grabs some LAUNDRY and carries it upstairs.

DAD Look, I mean, I wouldn’t exactly call it terrifical, but...

(then, with a small smile)It’s definitely a keeper.

Ramona reluctantly smiles, sits on the floor to console with Picky-Picky, who’s curled up in his CAT BED. An ALARM BUZZES on the DRYER, scaring the cat away. Dad unloads the machine.

DAD (CONT'D)I could use some help folding, Pickle.

RAMONA I’d just mess it up, Dad.

(quietly)I’m such a nuisance...

DADYou’re not a nuisance.

RAMONAMs. Meacham said I was. And she’s a professional.

Ramona sighs -- joins him at the work table to help fold.

59.

DADShe said this recently...?

Ramona NODS, guilty. Dad sighs, stares at the SPINNING DRYER.

DAD (CONT'D)Ramona...honestly...what are we gonna do with you? I know you’ve got the best intentions here...but...

(looking for the right words)You see how those clothes just keep bouncing and spinning around with so much energy? That’s...kinda like you, kiddo.

RAMONAI’m like...the laundry?

DADNah, it’s just...you’ve got so much energy that it just get’s away from you sometimes.

Ramona thinks about that. Dad hands her one end of a BEDSHEET -- and they start to carefully fold it together.

DAD (CONT'D)I’m not saying that energy’s bad, at all. It’s wonderful. But, you’ve gotta learn to control it. I mean, if we were careless right now, all these clothes could end up looking like a big rumpled mess. But...

(with a shrug)If we put a little extra care into it -- folding it and smoothing out the creases. In the end...it’s gonna look so much better.

(finishing the bedsheet)There you are. Looks great, huh?

Ramona nods. They place the folded laundry in a basket.

DAD (CONT’D)I know how good you can be, Ramona. Just don’t give up now. Keep trying.

Dad holds out the basket. Ramona considers his words, smiles -- and grabs the basket, STOMPING UP THE STAIRS, determined.

DAD (CONT'D)Keep trying! That’s my girl!

CUT TO:

A SERIES OF IMAGES OVER MUSIC -- A MONTAGE OF TIME PASSING

60.

SCANNING THE WANT-ADS -- Ramona circles the most exciting possibilities: “DOG TRAINER”; “CARPENTER”; “X-RAY TECH.”

WAITING ON DAD -- As Dad reviews those same WANT-ADS, Ramona brings him coffee and donuts, attending to him like a waiter.

MOWING THE FRONT LAWN -- As Ramona mows, she sees Bea and Hobart standing by the fence, chatting and flirting over the top of it. Hobart chuckles, as Bea flirtatiously punches his arm. Ramona’s horrified to see how comfy they’re getting -- and quickly mows a path between them, forcing them apart.

TRYING HER BEST AT SCHOOL -- Ramona eagerly raises her hand in class, trying to participate. And yet, again and again -- Ms. Meacham picks somebody else. Ramona sighs.

RETURNING FROM SCHOOL -- Ramona sees the WORKERS load their TRUCK for the last time. They tip their blue helmets to her, calling goodbye. Ramona waves, rushing into the house.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Ramona enters, and sees her parents sitting together -- POPPING the cork on a bottle of champagne.

RAMONAIs the work done?

DADSure is. We were just celebrating.No more blue helmets -- ever!

MOMAmen! You should join us, sweetie.

Mom “pops” a JUICE BOX with the straw, give it to Ramona.

RAMONAWhat am I celebrating?

DADWell...I guess we thought you’d be excited about getting your own room...

Ramona YELPS WITH JOY -- starts running down the hallway. Her parents smile and follow. Ramona THROWS OPEN the door --

INT. THE NEW EMPTY ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

And finds that all her things have been moved into the new room. The room is decorated with new drapes, a plush carpet, fresh paint -- and SLIDING MIRRORED DOORS on the closet.

61.

DADDo you like it?

RAMONALike it? I LOVE IT!!

Ramona DANCES in celebration -- then dives onto the carpet and does snow angels in the shag. Loving every inch of it. Beezus joins her parents in the doorway -- and frowns.

BEEZUSHey! Why does she get the room? I’m the one who gets all A’s!

MOMWe’ve discussed it at length, honey... the baby isn’t quite ready for it yet. And to be fair, Ramona’s tried so hard to be responsible these days...

DADPlus, don’t forget -- this means you’ve got your own room now, too.

BEEZUSYeah, but...hers seems bigger.

DADThat’s because she’ll have to split it with Roberta soon. But, for now... it’s all hers, as long as she can keep up the good behavior.

(turning to Ramona)Can you do that?

RAMONA(rolling on the carpet)

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

MOMYou won’t get scared all alone in here without Beezus, will you?

RAMONANO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

DADThen, while you’re here...you might as well be comfortable...

(smiles to his wife)Mom’s been working some overtime...

Mom hands her a wrapped GIFT. Ramona tears it open -- to find a PACKAGED PAIR of FLANNEL PAJAMAS. Ramona GASPS!

62.

RAMONABrand new! Mom, I LOVE them!!!

MOMUh-oh. She may never take ‘em off...

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - LATER THAT DAY

RAMONAElevator for one? Going up!

Ramona sports her comfy new PAJAMAS, steps into the closet -- slides the door closed and in HER IMAGINATION POV:

RAMONA (CONT'D)Third floor, Toy Department!

PING! The doors open LIKE AN ELEVATOR -- to reveal a VAST DEPARTMENT STORE teaming with ASTOUNDING TOYS! BEEPING GADGETS whirl and whiz on tracks. A GIANT ANIMATRONIC T-REX ROARS. Ramona soaks it in, delighted. The doors shut. PING!

RAMONA (CONT’D)Going down, subbasement, under the sea.

The doors open -- to reveal an ELECTRIFYING VIEW UNDER THE SEA. COLORFUL SEA CREATURES glow and undulate. SILVERFISH swim in formation. Ripples of water reflect on Ramona’s awestruck face. The doors shut.

RAMONA (CONT’D)Moving on, next fl---

PING! The doors open prematurely -- revealing MS. MEACHAM’S CLASSROOM. Ramona GASPS, as Ms. Meacham turns and glares at the interruption. Ramona SHUTS THE DOOR frantically.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Whoops, operator error. Going up!

PING! The elevator starts to shake, gaining speed!

RAMONA (CONT’D)Up...up...up -- ouch, ears popping -- to the hundred millionth floor...THE ORBITING MOON!

We hear the sound of AIR SUCKING out of the elevator.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Gravity now releasing, watch your step. Prepare for MOONBOUNCE!

63.

PING! The doors open onto a SPECTACULAR LUNAR LANDSCAPE. Ramona jumps out onto the moon surface, in huge, gravity-defying steps. MOONDUST kicks up all around her, as she TWIRLS and SOMERSAULTS weightless!

BEEZUS (O.S.)Ramona, you’re gonna BREAK THE BED!

BACK TO THE SCENE -- Ramona stops moon-bouncing on her bed, as Beezus stands in the doorway.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)Can you quit making so much noise?!

RAMONASorry. I was just enjoying my new room. Would you like the grand tour?

BEEZUS Stop gloating. It’s not polite.

RAMONAI’m not gloating! I’m bouncing!

Ramona bounces again, happily. Beezus smirks -- holds up a STUFFED ANIMAL and tosses it to Ramona on the bed.

BEEZUSIf you want the rest of your junk...you’d better come grab it. Anything leftover goes on E-bay.

This gets her attention. Beezus leaves. Ramona stops bouncing and hops down, quickly following after her.

INT. BEEZUS’ ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Ramona peeks into her old room...and GASPS at how much different it looks already. The bunk bed is disassembled and is now a SINGLE BED with a PRETTY COMFORTER. There’s a SITTING AREA in the corner. New TEEN POSTERS on the wall.

Ramona is dumbstruck -- suddenly feeling cast aside.

BEEZUSJust doing a little Spring cleaning...

Ramona starts to walk in -- but Beezus stops her at the door.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)Whoa-whoa-whoa...that’s far enough, Ramona. This is my room now. I’ve boxed up the rest of your stuff right there. Nice and neat.

64.

Beezus nods to a FEW BOXES beside the doorway, filled with Ramona’s old things. Beezus grabs a box, hands it to Ramona.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)I know you’ll probably still mess up my life...but at least you’re done messing up my room.

Ramona squints at her -- wants to fight back.

RAMONA(raising her nose)

Who needs you, Beezus? Or your dumb teenager room? I like it by myself.

Ramona storms away down the hall. Almost immediately, the same LOUD BED-BOUNCING SQUEAKS resume. Beezus simmers -- then angrily grabs a box and heads towards Ramona --

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Where Ramona continues to bounce loudly, antagonizing her sister. She stops her at the doorway.

RAMONAWhoa-whoa. No trespassing, please.

Beezus smirks, drops the box on the floor.

BEEZUS I’m glad you’re laughing now! But, I know you, Ramona -- and when the lights go out, and you’re being all weird -- freaking over some “boneless” creature under your bed...well, don’t come knocking on my door!!!

Ramona’s eyes widen. Beezus huffs away, SLAMS her door.

DAD (V.O.)Sleep tight now, okay...?

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - THAT NIGHT

Ramona looks scared, as Dad tucks her into bed.

RAMONADad -- can I ask you something, as long as you don’t tell Beezus I asked?

(her Dad shrugs, nods)Can you check under my bed?

65.

DADReally? I thought you grew out of that stuff already, kiddo.

RAMONAOh, yeah. I mean, I have. I was just testing you, Dad. You passed.

DADWhew. Then should...I um, leave now?

Ramona nods. Dad CLICKS the light off. Ramona lies there. Paranoid. Waiting for the first signs of trouble.

A CAR PASSES outside -- its HEADLIGHTS throw STRANGE SHADOWS on the wall, which seem to reach like GIANT FINGERS. Ramona yanks up her covers -- but the covers seem to yank back! Fighting for the sheets, she leans over the edge of the bed --

AND FROM UNDER THE BED -- a pair of RED EYES flash and TWO STREAMS of STEAM follow. Ramona LEAPS from the bed. But when she lands, something SHOOTS OUT and GRABS HER LEG! She falls and shakes free, lunges for the light switch.

And the room FLOODS WITH LIGHT. Ramona catches her breath, looks around -- and discovers that the arm that grabbed her was really just a tangle of covers. The Glowing Red Eyes merely a pair of roller skate REFLECTORS. The Streams of Steam nothing more than Ramona’s HUMIDIFIER. Ramona sighs.

MOM (O.S.)RAMONA, STOP PLAYING! YOU’VE GOT SCHOOL TOMORROW! LIGHTS OUT!

Ramona WINCES, TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS -- then, to avoid the looming black hole under her bed -- quickly HOPS onto a few small STACKS OF BOOKS like stepping stones -- climbs on her desk -- takes a FLYING LEAP the rest of the way -- soaring through the air -- landing back on her bed with a SPRING-CREAKING BOUNCE. She pulls covers up to her nose and stares wide-eyed at the ceiling.

There will be no sleep tonight.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - THE NEXT MORNING

Looking like a zombie, Ramona shuffles out in PJs. YAWNS, exhausted -- bumping into the door frame, totally out of it.

RAMONADad? What’s another word for sick? Like really, really, really sick?

66.

Her Dad sits at the coffee table -- scribbling notes in his JOB BOOK. She curls next to him.

DADNauseous? Queasy? Ooh -- bilious.

RAMONADad -- I feel bilious. I don’t think school is a good call right now.

DADNow just to clarify, are you: (a) sick, (b) still upset about Ms. Meacham, or (c) hoping to stay home and wear your pajamas all day?

RAMONA Umm, all of the above?

Dad feels her forehead to check her temperature. Ramona eyes his BUSINESS TIE, his BRIEFCASE. He’s dressed for a big day.

DADI’m only asking ‘cause...well, I’ve got a big interview today -- and it’s gonna be real hard for me to stay home with you. So, are you sure you’re too...bilious...for school?

RAMONAUmm...I’m feeling kinda better now.

DADHurry up, then. You’ve got about 60 seconds to get out the door to catch the bus. Better get dressed fast!

(checks his watch)Starting...NOW! 60...59...58...!

Ramona rolls off the sofa, staggers from the room -- quickly.

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - THE NEXT MORNING

Ramona bursts into her room, rifles through her clothes -- and is about to take off her pajamas. But then, stops.

DAD (O.S.)30...29...28...HURRY UP, KIDDO!

Not enough time! In her IMAGINATION: a FIRE ALARM starts to blast -- a RED FLASHING LIGHT suddenly sweeping the room. She quickly pulls her clothes over her PJs, like a fireman -- she even completes it with a clunky pair of RED RUBBER BOOTS.

67.

EXT. SIDEWALK - OUTSIDE THE KEMP HOUSE - MORNING

Looking a bit “thick” from the PJs under her clothes, Ramona trots out of the house, where Howie WAVES her over urgently.

HOWIERamona -- you gotta see this!

Ramona runs over and they peek through a KNOT HOLE in the fence -- INTO THE KEMPS BACKYARD -- where Hobart toes a shovel and digs a TWO FOOT HOLE. Next to him are at least FOUR OTHER HOLES -- a strange excavation in progress. Mrs. Kemp pokes her head out the window.

MRS. KEMPHobart -- mind where you’re digging! We’ve got SPRINKLER PIPES down there!

HOBART(teasing her sweetly)

Ohhhh -- is THAT what I keep hitting?

Mrs. Kemp scowls, slams the window in response. Ramona grins.

HOWIEHe won’t tell me what he’s doing.

RAMONAMaybe he’s digging a secret tunnel. To Istanbul. A spy network, right through your own backyard!

Hobart overhears them and smiles. He suddenly turns to them.

HOBARTOr, maybe...the house is built on an old burial ground, and I’m going to unlock an ancient curse! BWA-HAA-HAA!

Howie and Ramona yelp and giggle -- rushing for the BUS STOP.

HOWIEHe’s driving my grandma crazy! She says he’s making a mess of the whole house and corrupting Willa Jean!

(with a big smile)Frankly, it’s been hilarious!

RAMONAJust keep him away from Aunt Bea -- and he won’t have any trouble from me.

As they run, Ramona struggles to keep up -- sweating from the PAJAMAS and BOOTS. We hear a strange CACOPHONY OF SOUND...

68.

INT. MUSIC CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

...as Kids tear through a bin full of INSTRUMENTS for MUSIC CLASS. Ramona sees a group of GIRLS at the BULLETIN BOARD, gazing at a FLYER. She approaches and GASPS in excitement. The flyer reads: “OPEN CALL: LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS IN PORTLAND! WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAR IN A COMMERCIAL?”

RAMONAOpen call?! Hey, wait -- that means anyone can audition for it, right?!

SUSANWell, they’re not looking for just anyone. They want a princess.

The music teacher, MR. CLAY, walks into class with a GUITAR.

MR. CLAYGrab a seat kids. Let’s shake the rust out and start jammin’.

Ramona grabs a copy of the FLYER and rushes to her seat. On Mr. Clay’s cue, they all start to play. Total DISSONANCE. Ramona raps on a set of BONGOS -- and yet, all the while, she’s smiling to herself -- her mind drifts into a DAYDREAM --

IN RAMONA’S IMAGINATION:

Ramona dances through her kitchen in a ROYAL PEANUT BUTTER COMMERCIAL. Stops to taste a jar, spins -- and transforms into a PRINCESS! Picky-Picky stands-in for the CGI Frog.

PICKY-PICKYGribit.

Picky-Picky hops like a frog into her arms, as they’re both showered with money. DOLLARS flutter down around her --

WHICH TRANSITIONS TO A FANTASY STREET PARADE -- as Ramona and Picky-Picky ride in the back of a convertible, waving to the ADORING NEIGHBORS who cheer her. Mom and Dad beam beside her.

NEIGHBOR(to another)

There goes Ramona Quimby. That girl made a million dollars eating peanut butter on tv and it saved her family!

CUT BACK TO:

MUSIC CLASS -- where the BOING-BOING of a JAW HARP jars Ramona back to reality -- played by Yard Ape nearby.

69.

Susan sits in front of them -- and strangely, it seems like her perfect blonde curls bounce in time to the BOING-BOING. Yard Ape and Ramona share a grin as they realize this.

MR. CLAYOh, yeah! This is tight, kids. Very tight. You guys are rockin’ today.

Yard Ape starts playing off each move Susan’s curls make -- BOING-BOING! Ramona tries not to laugh, but can’t help it -- and at the finale of the song, Ramona can’t resist TUGGING one of those boingy curls. Susan turns around, instantly annoyed.

SUSANRamona! Why did you do that?

RAMONAI don’t know! Sorry. They’re just so...mesmerizing!

SUSANWell, you’ve done it since Kindergarten, and it’s getting old!I know things must be rough at home, but...don’t take it out on my curls.

Susan turns away. Ramona reacts, stunned.

RAMONAHey, wait -- what was that supposed to mean? About things at home...?

Susan shrugs, but doesn’t answer. Ramona starts to worry. That’s when Mr. Clay looks up from his guitar, curious --

MR. CLAYRamona. You, uh...don’t look so good.

Ramona does looks a bit clammy. Clearly, flannel pajamas under her clothes wasn’t such a great idea after all.

INT. GYM CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

In GYM CLASS, a long row of KIDS climb the ROPES -- each with a “spotter.” Ramona spots Susan, continuing to question her.

SUSANIt was nothing. Drop it, Ramona.

RAMONAC’mon! Tell me why you said that!

Ramona SHAKES the rope -- just enough to get Susan to answer.

70.

SUSANOkay! Your Dad lost his job, right?

RAMONA Yeah. Maybe. How did you know?

SUSANRamona, my mother’s in real estate -- she knows these things. When people lose jobs, they sell their houses.

A LOOK OF HORROR crosses Ramona’s face. Susan slides down the rope to Ramona’s level. Sees her sadness -- and softens.

SUSAN (CONT’D)You should look at the upside, Ramona. My mom and I got a new condo out of our situation. They gave it to us furnished.

RAMONA Who’s they?

SUSANThe lawyers. When my Dad got laid off, my parents started fighting every night -- so they eventually got a divorce.

Ramona GASPS at the dreaded “d-word.” Yet Susan just shrugs.

SUSAN (CONT'D)It happens. But my Mom says it makes us stronger. She got to sell the house and get her real estate license, so that’s a plus. And my Dad got a new car and moved to Tacoma.

Ramona struggles to even process all of this.

RAMONA Tacoma? I’m so sorry, Susan.

SUSAN(covering)

Yeah, well...now on my birthdays, they both give me checks. So, it kinda works out.

The GYM TEACHER BLOWS HIS WHISTLE -- next! Ramona tries to climb the ROPE, but sweats profusely. Her hair is drenched.

MS. MEACHAM (O.S.)Ramona -- should we call your parents?

71.

INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY

Ms. Meacham is leaning over Ramona’s desk. Gives her a look.

MS. MEACHAMYou look a bit...puffy.

Ramona smiles meekly -- and subtly tucks down the COLLAR OF HER PAJAMAS -- trying to hide her sweaty little secret.

RAMONADo I?! Don’t call them. I’m fine.

Ms. Meacham squints suspiciously for a beat, but returns to the class -- handing out JARS OF BLUE OATMEAL among the kids.

MS. MEACHAMToday we start our unit on fruit flies. Does anyone remember why we dyed the oatmeal blue? Anyone?

Howie helps pass out the jars. Puts one on Ramona’s desk.

HOWIESo we could see the larvae better -- and thoroughly disgust ourselves?

As Ramona watches, the blue oatmeal in the jar seems to expand and contract, making a GURGLING NOISE...like her stomach. Ramona stands up, wobbly, rushing to a window. She looks out the window for a beat, past the carefree KINDERGARTNERS on the playground. She tries to open one of the room windows for some air, but it won’t budge --

MS. MEACHAMRamona, what are you doing?

Ramona turns to see Ms. Meacham and the entire class staring at her. She gives them a dizzy smile, her lips quivering...

RAMONAI’m wondering...where is...Tacoma...?

Then, she THROWS UP all over the floor! The class erupts in MURMURS OF DISGUST.

MS. MEACHAMOh, dear. Howard run and tell Mrs. Larson that someone threw up. Class, you may hold your noses and file into the hall until it gets cleaned-up.

Ramona is filled with shame.

72.

EXT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - SECONDS LATER

Kids spill out pinching their noses and making GAGGING sounds. Behind them, Ms. Meacham leads a tearful Ramona down the hall -- and suddenly notices her hidden PAJAMAS.

MS. MEACHAM Ramona, are you...? Um, why...are you wearing pajamas?

RAMONA(knowing it’s stupid)

‘Cause...the firemen do it?

MS. MEACHAMI see.

(beat)Your father’s still home these days?

Ramona shrugs, nods. Ms. Meacham seems strangely amused.

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)Pajamas under your clothes and eggs in your hair. You and your father are breaking new ground together.

EXT. SCHOOL ENTRANCE - DAY

Ramona walks with her Dad toward the FAMILY CAR.

DADYou wanna lay down in the back seat?

Ramona crawls into the back. But when Dad turns the ignition, the car won’t start. It makes a HIDEOUS SCREECH every time he turns the key. Dad groans, tries again. Ramona’s WHOLE CLASS looks out the window at the awful noise. Ramona just shrinks.

MOMENTS LATER -- A TOW TRUCK DRIVER hooks chains on the front bumper, preps to haul the family car. Ramona notices her Dad give a CREDIT CARD to the Driver -- then quickly replaces it.

DAD (CONT'D)(trying ANOTHER CARD)

Wait. Not that one. Try this one.

Dad pockets his wallet, joins Ramona in the back seat.

DAD (CONT'D)Buckle up.

Suddenly, the Tow Truck LIFTS THE FRONT OF THE CAR. Ramona and Dad slowly TILT BACK with it.

73.

From her POV, the school seems to turn on it’s side -- her CLASS continues to watch. It makes Ramona feel so small -- why must her worst moments always be witnessed by everyone?

RAMONAHow was the interview, Daddy?

DADCancelled it when the nurse called.

(then, with a shrug)Maybe it was a sign. Maybe I am meant to do more than just crunch numbers. I don’t want to watch another 15 years go by and wonder why I didn’t try.

RAMONABut don’t we need money?

DADHey, c’mon -- now you’re sounding practical. Like your mom. It never hurts to have a dream, does it?

Ramona shakes her head, no -- and secretly looks down at the AUDITION FLYER in her pile of books. A dream of her own.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

RAIN DRIZZLES down the windows, as Ramona curls up on the sofa, miserable. Her Dad brings her a glass of GINGER ALE.

DADFeeling better?

(off her nod)These things never last long...

Ramona still looks glum. Dad rubs her hair gently.

DAD (CONT'D)You know what -- we’re not gonna let one bad day get us down. Let’s do something really special. You and me. What would you like to do? Think big.

Ramona sits up, excited -- it’s like she’s finally won back his attention. She ponders his offer intensely.

RAMONAWell...do you know that big bridge we took when we went to Vancouver?

(her Dad nods)I’ve always wanted to stop on that bridge, in the middle, so we can have one foot in America and one in Canada.

74.

DAD(chuckling)

Interesting idea. Not practical today, since the car is kaput, but you’re on the right track. Bold, daring, fairly inexpensive. What else?

RAMONAWe could...draw it?

Her father smiles, then starts rummaging around in a drawer.

DADI have an idea...

(taking out a roll of SHELF PAPER)

Let’s draw the longest picture in the world.

Ramona’s eyes light up at the possibilities. Happy again.

CLOSE ON: The SHELF PAPER rolling across the kitchen floor. Ramona dumps out a box of SUPPLIES -- pencils, markers, pastels, and crayons. Picky-Picky cocks his head, watching.

RAMONAI’m gonna draw the house. And Howie’s house. And school. And then Mt. Hood. And then, everything else -- stretching as far as the eye can see!

With that, Ramona and her Dad lie on their stomachs and start drawing. Ramona draws with great concentration. Her Dad seems so at ease doing this, wielding pencil and crayons effortlessly -- all the pressures of the world gone.

And what they create is wonderful -- a COLORFUL PANORAMA of Klickitat Street and the whole wide world beyond. In fact, the longer it gets, the further they must roll out the paper.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Daddy -- I think you draw better than anybody in the whole world.

DADWell, thanks. You know, I studied Art. Back in the day.

RAMONAReally? What happened?

(then, sympathetically)Did you get a bad report card?

75.

DADNo, Beezus came along, and I took the best job I could at the time. Before I knew it, I was a vice president.

Dad quiets, looks momentarily wistful.

RAMONAAnd then I came along?

DADThat’s right. And then, Roberta. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

(with a smile)You girls make my life colorful.

Ramona grins, grabs a green pastel and adds a vibrant forest. Dad draws a rainbow in the sky. Ramona and her Dad share a smile. This is their masterpiece.

INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - DAY

Ramona and Ms. Meacham tape down one end of the MURAL, then SLOWLY UNROLL IT across the board. Kids look on from their seats, amazed. It just keeps going and going!

RAMONASince...umm, my last report didn’t go so well...Ms. Meacham gave me a do-over. So, here it is. This is the longest picture in the whole world.

The class “ooohs” at this tidbit. Susan raises her hand.

SUSANWhat about the paintings in all those big churches in Europe, Ms. Meacham?

MS. MEACHAMSusan, please save comments for later. Let Ramona finish her report.

Ramona nods, thank you. Susan sinks down in her seat a bit.

RAMONAMy Dad made this with me. He’s the best artist I know. And he’s teaching me to draw, too...which means he’s patient. P-A-T-I-E-N-T.

Ms. Meacham clocks this and smiles.

76.

RAMONA (CONT'D)That’s why this painting is special to me. ‘Cause it shows how special my Dad is. But you really need to see his work close-up, so c’mon!

The kids get out of their seats to look at it -- loving all the funny details. Ramona trades a look with Ms. Meacham, who nods in approval. Finally, she’s done something right!

BEEZUS (V.O.)Looking for a Princess in Portland...?

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - NIGHT

Beezus reads Ramona’s CRUMPLED AUDITION FLYER, as Ramona looks on excited. It’s late at night, so they both WHISPER.

BEEZUS “Print experience a plus...commercial training strongly recommended.” Umm, you don’t have any of that, do you?

RAMONAAre you kidding?! I’ve been printing since first grade -- and I’ve watched commercials my whole life!

BEEZUS Are Mom and Dad on board with this?

RAMONANot yet. I’m gonna get Aunt Bea to take me there, so we can keep it a surprise for Mom and Dad!

BEEZUS If you can pry her away from Hobart. Mom says they’re seeing a lot of each other. God, isn’t it romantic...

RAMONAUgh. Why can’t he just leave for Alaska already? He’s trying to steal her from us! It’s so obvious!

All the while, Ramona uses scissors to clip off the LABEL from a jar of ROYAL PEANUT BUTTER and glue it to a T-SHIRT.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Branding. They’ll eat it up.

Just then, they start to hear an ARGUMENT through the FURNACE GRATE. The girls look at each other -- suddenly worried.

77.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Beezus -- why are they fighting?

Beezus shushes her, inching closer to the grate. They both listen closely, but can only make out a few heated words: “RESPONSIBILITY...” “CAN’T AFFORD IT...” “INSPIRATION...” Ramona’s face falls, terrified. The argument ends with a DOOR SLAM. The girls trade a worried look and get up --

INT. HALLWAY - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

Ramona and Beezus slide out into the hall, nervously peeking around the corner into the LIVING ROOM. They see Dad pulling off cushions on the SOFA BED. Shooing Picky-Picky away.

DADC’mon, Licky-Sticky. I know you’re old and creaky, but it’s a big sofa.

BEEZUSDad -- it’s Picky-Picky.

Dad turns around -- embarrassed that they’re seeing this.

RAMONA(nearly in tears)

Are you and Mom getting a divorce?

BEEZUSWe thought you two loved each other!

DADOf course we do. This is just...like a “time out” for the night. Right?

Dad gently walks them back to their rooms, speaking quietly.

DAD (CONT'D)Listen, your Mom’s under a ton of stress. She’s pulling double-duty these days for me. So let’s do whatever we can to help her. ‘Kay?

(the girls shrug, nod)I promise, your Mom and I will still be happily married when you wake up.

BEEZUS(with a hard stare)

You’d better be.

He kisses Beezus’ head before she goes back to bed. Next, he leads Ramona down the hall, to her room...

78.

RAMONADad -- don’t worry. Things are gonna change for us. I’ve got a plan.

DADYou’ve got a plan? Now I am worried.

RAMONAIt’s gonna be a big surprise.

As they say good night, Ramona waits a beat -- making sure Dad’s turned back toward the hallway -- then does her best to avoid the shadowy nether regions of her bed -- HOPPING ALONG the path of books, JUMPING up on a swivel chair, SWINGING by the curtains onto the desk -- and one big LEAP ONTO THE BED!

IN THE HALL, Dad hears CREAKING BED SPRINGS. Turns back to glance in the room -- but she’s already tucked safely in bed.

INT. HOBART’S JEEP - MOVING - MORNING

Ramona sits in the back, clutching her audition flyer. Hobart drives with Bea -- a fact that clearly bothers Ramona.

RAMONAThanks for the ride, Mr. Kemp. You really shouldn’t have.

HOBARTNo problem. By the way, you’re allowed to call me Hobart if you want to.

RAMONANo, thank you, Mr. Kemp. This is strictly a business relationship.

Bea stifles a laugh, shares a secret smile with Hobart.

AUNT BEAWell, good for you. At least one of us is showing a little restraint...

(then, looking at Ramona)That’s quite an ensemble, Miss Quimby.

RAMONAI know! This is the big time.

Ramona wears the t-shirt with the Royal Peanut Butter label glued to the front, along with a pair of stretchy pants.

79.

EXT. BALLET SCHOOL - DAY

As the Jeep approaches, Ramona eagerly cranes her neck to see. From her POV: an ENORMOUS LINE of GIRLS weaving around the building -- all in ballet costumes and perfectly coiffed.

Everyone GAWKS as Hobart’s polka-dotted Jeep pulls into the parking lot. Ramona climbs out, waves to them.

AUNT BEAOkay then, we’ll be waiting right here. Break a leg, superstar.

Ramona joins the herd -- but frowns at the sight of Susan in FULL PRINCESS REGALIA. She looks somehow distinctly perfect.

RAMONAWow, Susan...you look great.

Susan smiles a moment, until her mother, MRS. KUSHNER, rushes over -- carrying the TIARA from Susan’s class report.

MRS. KUSHNERSusan, dear -- how can you be a princess without your tiara?

Ramona looks around -- notices that all the other girls wear tiaras of their own. Her heart sinks.

EXT. PARKING LOT - BALLET SCHOOL - DAY

Ramona wanders around the building, stepping around bushes --

RAMONAAunt Bea, I need a...tiara...?

She freezes at the sight of Bea and Hobart sitting on the hood of his Jeep -- nestled up next to each other affectionately.

RAMONA (CONT'D)UGGGH!

Bea turns as if she heard that. Ramona ducks behind a bush.

ON THE HOOD OF THE JEEP -- Bea and Hobart talk as they hold hands. Their feet dangle over like little kids. Hobart gives a wry smirk at the line of PRECOCIOUS LITTLE GIRLS.

HOBARTLook at all those little stage girls. I haven’t seen a pack of creatures that fierce since the Serengeti.

80.

AUNT BEAI know. I worry about Ramona. She’s always had her own style. I’d hate to see her lose that, just to fit in.

HOBARTYou never lost it. That’s for sure.

Bea and Hobart share a smile, as Hobart rubs her hand.

HOBART (CONT'D)My publisher called. They found me an apartment in Anchorage. He says it’s spacious, nice views. Room for two...

AUNT BEAWell...maybe you can find yourself a nice polar bear to cuddle up with.

Bea waits for a laugh -- but Hobart turns to her seriously.

HOBARTYou know, Bea -- the main reason I came back home was to find you again.

AUNT BEA(smiling)

Mission accomplished.

HOBARTNot completely. I want you to come with me. To Alaska. What do you say?

Bea looks at him oddly. Still waiting for the punch line.

AUNT BEAWas that serious? Wait...really?

HOBART Why not? Alaska could be fun, Bea. It’s still the Last Great Frontier. Plus, it’s only a two-year commitment.

AUNT BEAAnd commitment was never your thing...

HOBARTHey, gimme a chance here. You know, I’ve spent ten years trying to get you out of my head -- and I can’t. You’re a real part of me, Bea. Every time I take a picture, you’re in it. I don’t know how I ever let you get away the first time -- but I’m not gonna make that mistake twice. Come with me.

81.

Bea has to pause a moment -- surprised to hear all this.

AUNT BEAHobart...I’m flattered. I really am, but...I can’t go running off with you on a whim. Just so...what? I can be another one of your many adventures?

HOBARTYou still think I’m immature, don’t you? You don’t think I’m serious.

Bea stares at him, deeply. Tries to read that smile -- to the point where she just might kiss him. But just then, a PAIR OF LITTLE GIRLS interrupt them -- breaking the tension.

LITTLE GIRLExcuse me -- how much for a Bomb Pop?

HOBARTUm...It’s not an ice cream truck. It just kinda looks like one.

Bea can’t help but crack up. The girls leave disappointed.

HOBART (CONT'D)What can I say -- it’s a chick magnet.

BEHIND THE BUSHES -- Ramona watches Aunt Bea throw her head back and LAUGH, as Hobart drapes his arm around her. Ramona groans. But then...she notices a BUR FROM THE BUSH stuck like Velcro to her shirt. She plucks it off.

RAMONAHmmm.

She takes another look at all the GIRLS IN THEIR TIARAS. Then, carefully plucks a handful of BROWN BURS, sticks them together like Bristle Blocks in a long chain -- bends it into an oval! With a new energy, she grins and grabs more burs.

INT. BALLET SCHOOL - AUDITION HALL - DAY

An ASSISTANT moves along a line of HEADSHOTS -- each one a glamour shot of an adorably-posed girl. That is, until she comes across the 8x10 of Ramona’s AWFUL SCHOOL PORTRAIT. Her disgusted, icky “pea-face” and her hair sticking up on end.

CASTING ASSISTANTWhoa. Okay, next is...Ramona Quimby?

Ramona walks in wearing her “tiara” of BROWN BURS, LEAVES, and FLOWERS. She looks like some bohemian jungle princess. The casting staff trade looks. She’s got their attention.

82.

CASTING DIRECTORMy goodness. That’s quite a tiara.

RAMONAI designed it. In the parking lot.

CASTING DIRECTORSo tell me -- why are you here today?

RAMONA‘Cause. I love commercials. You can ask Picky-Picky. He’s my cat. We watch commercials all day long. We like them ‘cause all the families are happy. And everything always works out.

(then, after a beat)And also ‘cause commercials are the racket to be in.

CASTING DIRECTORToo true. Let’s see you twirl.

Ramona hesitates -- thinks to take out her gum. Runs up and STICKS IT on the end of the Director’s desk -- then hurries back into place. She shifts on her front foot and does a BRILLIANT TWIRL, finishing in front of the staff on one knee.

RAMONAGRIBIT! That was for the frog.

CASTING DIRECTORUhh, great. Now tip the crown for the camera right there. Smile, please.

Ramona smiles, reaches up to tip her crown but finds the burs stuck in her hair. She pulls and pulls but it’s just no use.

CASTING DIRECTOR (CONT'D)Okay. Thank you, Ramona.

RAMONANo, wait, I can do it. I can do it!

Ramona’s turning red. That crown is not coming off. She pulls so hard, she stumbles back into a light stand. CRASH! It arcs and sparks. ASSISTANTS rush to her side. OTHER GIRLS in line GASP at the chaos -- and then start to GIGGLE.

EXT. BALLET SCHOOL - DAY

As Ramona stumbles out embarrassed, she sees one of the Casting Assistants and approaches him.

83.

RAMONAExcuse me -- I forgot to ask, how do we know if we made it or not?

CASTING ASSISTANTDid they give you a red ticket?

The Assistant looks around, points to a GAGGLE OF GIRLS in the back -- giddily holding RED TICKETS. Susan in the center, her mother showering her with kisses. Ramona’s heart sinks.

CASTING ASSISTANT (CONT'D)Red ticket. That’s who you want to be.

Ramona quietly nods and starts to walk away, humiliated and defeated. Her hair a matted, bur-infested disaster.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

In between YELPS of pain, we hear the SNIP, SNIP of scissors. A BROWN BUR lands in a bowl of hair-covered burs. We pull back, to see Ramona on a swivel stool, surrounded by towels.

DADWell. You promised me a surprise. Gotta say, I never saw this coming.

RAMONAOww-oww -- you’re doing it too fast!

DAD That’s ‘cause I’m late, Ramona.

SNIP, SNIP. Dad clips out one last BUR. Finally, he’s finished. He spins her around, revealing her SHORT, THATCHY HAIRCUT. Little wisps and tuffs stick out at odd angles.

RAMONA (trying to be optimistic)

How’s it look? Kinda trendy?

Dad shrugs, raises a MIRROR for Ramona. Ramona groans at her reflection and dives onto the living room sofa, devastated.

RAMONA (CONT'D)I can’t do anything right. I’ll never be a red ticket.

Her Dad doesn’t have time to comfort her, rushing to get ready to leave -- throwing on his jacket and tie.

84.

DAD I’ve got a long drive ahead of me, so I need you to be responsible ‘til your Mom gets home. You’ve got her number at the office if there’s a problem, but remember, let’s try not to bother her. Beezus, you’re in charge.

RAMONAWhy is she in charge?

BEEZUSUhh, have you seen your hair lately? Imagine what you’d do to the house.

RAMONATake that back, Beezus...!

DADNo fights, ladies. Behave yourselves.

(then, to Ramona)Especially you.

Ramona frowns -- stung by that last little insinuation.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER

Ramona pours a cup of RICE into a POT OF SHALLOW WATER. Turns up the FLAME on the burners. Beezus gives her a smirk.

BEEZUS Ramona -- I don’t think making dinner is gonna distract Mom from your hair.

RAMONA It’s worth a shot.

Suddenly, the PHONE RINGS. Ramona quickly grabs it.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Quimby Residence. Oh, hi, Henry...I’m not sure if Beezus is available...?

Ramona accidentally hits the SPEAKER BUTTON. Beezus GASPS, tries to grab the handset from her, WRESTLING for control.

BEEZUSGo away, you JERK!

HENRY (OVER THE SPEAKER)Beezus...what did you say...?

BEEZUSNOT YOU, HENRY!

85.

RAMONAOww, oww. That’s my hair!

HENRY (OVER THE SPEAKER)Uhh...should I call back later...?

BEEZUSNO!!! I WANT YOU!

Beezus freezes, mortified.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)Uhh, I meant, I want to talk to you...now...so...now is a good time...

While Ramona watches Beezus squirm, behind her, unseen -- the shallow water has boiled away -- and the BURNING RICE starts to SMOKE. A thick PLUM OF SMOKE, rising up to the ceiling --

Which sets off the SMOKE ALARMS! Ramona panics -- grabs a BROOM and tries to poke at the WAILING ALARM. As the room fills with smoke, she bats at the SMOKING POT to get it off the burner, but the broom head CATCHES FIRE! Beezus SCREAMS. Ramona wildly swings the FLAMING BROOM IN THE AIR, scared.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)DROP IT! DROP IT! DROP IT!

Ramona finally drops it. Beezus helps stomp the broom until the fire dies. Beezus quickly TURNS OFF the burner. Takes an OVEN MITT and throws the WHITE HOT POT into the sink.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)You really are a pest!

They both hear Roberta squealing from her BABY MONITOR.

RAMONAI’ll go get her!

BEEZUSNo, just...stop touching everything! God, everything you touch, you mess up! Including my love life.

RAMONA(cocks her head)

You have a love life?

BEEZUS(Reeling back, horrified)

JUST!...feed the cat and leave me alone!

Beezus runs to Roberta. Her words have clearly stung Ramona. Ramona sulks and starts looking for Picky-Picky, exiting.

86.

We hold on the EMPTY, SMOKY, MESSY KITCHEN for a beat.

HENRY (OVER THE SPEAKER)Uhh...hello? Okay...I guess I’ll hang up now.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona gets down on her knees, looks under the sofa --

RAMONAPicky-Picky? Quit hiding.

She peeks into to the carpeted CAT CONDO. No luck there.

INT. BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

RAMONAPicky-Picky? It’s dinner time.

Ramona turns on the lights, carefully comes down the steps -- lightly SHAKING the cat food bowl to tempt Picky-Picky...

RAMONA (CONT'D)C’mon, I need to talk...Picky-Picky?

Near the WASHER/DRYER, there’s a little CAT BED.

Ramona looks inside -- and her expression changes with a sad and terrible realization. The FOOD BOWL DROPS from her hand.

INT. MOM AND DAD’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Beezus rocks Roberta to sleep, puts her back into the crib.

RAMONA (O.S.)Beezus...?

Beezus spins around, annoyed. Pulls her outside the door.

BEEZUS(whispering)

What now?!

Ramona stands in the doorway. Shocked. Her lip trembling. Seeing Ramona like this makes Beezus immediately soften.

RAMONAHe’s dead. Picky-Picky is dead.

87.

INT. BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

The two girls stare down at the cat bed, numb.

RAMONACan you help me pick him up?

BEEZUSLet’s wait for Mom to come home. She’ll know what to do.

RAMONANo! Remember what Dad said? We can’t make any trouble for her now.

(anguished)Beezus, you have to help me. Please.

Beezus nods, puts her arms on her shoulders. Calming her.

BEEZUSYeah. You’re right. I’ll help you.

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DUSK

Both girls are still smudged with dirt from digging. As the sun sets, Ramona wedges a SCRAP OF WOOD into the soil. A makeshift GRAVESTONE: “PICKY-PICKY QUIMBY -- AGE 10 YEARS -- A GOOD CAT.” Beneath the words is a drawing of a yellow cat.

RAMONAHe was as old as I am, Beezus.

Ramona sits on her heels, wipes a tear off her cheek, leaving a streak of mud. Decides to speak...

RAMONA (CONT’D)Picky-Picky. I hope you have nine lives. Maybe tomorrow you can wake up as somebody’s kitten and start a new life. I hope they give you melon rind sometimes. I know you like that.

Beezus kneels beside her -- tearfully.

BEEZUSAnd I think it’s important for you to know that Dad was just pretending to forget your name.

(choking on her words)He always knew it. He really loved you.

88.

Ramona tries to smile through tears. Lays Picky-Picky’s JINGLE COLLAR on the grave, like a memorial wreath.

RAMONA We’ll miss you.

From a distance -- we see Ramona and Beezus bowing their heads, saying a silent prayer. They’re just two little girls in a big backyard, saying good-bye to their friend.

INT. FRONT DOOR ENTRY - RAMONA’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ramona’s Mom comes home, to find her three girls in the kitchen. Ramona and Beezus feeding little Roberta her peas.

MOMOh, look at this! Fantastic. I was worried what I’d find when I got home!

Mom kisses them, starts shutting windows. Grabs the CAT FOOD and leans over to fill the dish -- but discovers it’s missing.

MOM (CONT'D)Looks like Picky-Picky made off with his entire bowl. Where is that cat?

Ramona and Beezus exchange a look.

RAMONAHe’s...in the backyard.

MOMOutside? Well, I hope he’s not digging around my flower beds.

BEEZUS(quietly, dodging the subject)

Yeah. He’s in there, alright.

MOMWhat’s going on, girls?

BEEZUSMom, just...don’t be upset, okay?

Mom braces herself for whatever trouble they’ve caused.

RAMONAPicky-Picky died. In his sleep.

(then, gently)Beside the washer-dryer.

89.

BEEZUSWe buried him, Mom. We didn’t want you to have to worry.

Mom has to sit down, astonished. Beezus rubs Mom’s shoulder.

MOMOh, girls. You had to handle all this tonight...by yourselves...?

Mom gives them a big squeeze, trying not to cry.

RAMONAMom -- what is it?

MOMI’m just wondering how I got so lucky -- to have two brave girls like you?

Beezus and Ramona share a look, smiling, sadly. Suddenly, Dad walks through the front door. Mom stands to greet him.

MOM (CONT'D)We’ve got some news, dear.

DADSo, do I. I got the job.

Mom runs over and kisses him. The girls light up. Yet, when Dad looks at them. He seems surprisingly low-key about it.

DAD (CONT'D)It’s a great position. Brand new start up in Eastern Oregon.

(then, with a shrug)How do you girls feel about that?

BEEZUSYou mean, to live there?

RAMONAWhat about our house?

DADWe’d get a new one up there.

Ramona’s face falls, realizing she’s failed. Beezus starts to look worried, too. Dad looks at them, curious.

DAD (CONT'D)So...what’s your news?

90.

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - NIGHT

Ramona sits in bed, miserable -- tucked in by her parents.

RAMONABut, Daddy...? You said crunching numbers wasn’t for you anymore...

Dad closes his eyes a moment. Clearly, he doesn’t feel good about this. Mom trades a look with him, bites her lip.

DADThis wasn’t a perfect solution for any of us, sweetie. But, you have to trust us. As long as we have each other, we’ll get through it, I promise.

(kisses her worried little forehead)

I love you.

Her Mom leans over, sees how nervous her little girl is.

MOM Just get a good night’s sleep. It will all feel better in the morning.

Ramona curls in her sheets as they leave. The moment the lights go off, the room starts to scare her again. MENACING SHADOWS stretch across her walls. Ramona runs from the room.

INT. BEEZUS’ ROOM - NIGHT

A trembling voice in the darkness...

RAMONA Beezus...?

Ramona peeks into her old room, tentatively. Restless, Beezus sits up in bed -- so relieved to see her little sister.

BEEZUSRamona -- will you sleep in here with me tonight?

Ramona NODS, flooded with relief. Beezus pulls back her blanket and Ramona hurries over, curling up beside her.

RAMONA I don’t want to move away from Picky-Picky. He’ll be all alone now.

BEEZUSWell...maybe we can visit sometimes.

91.

RAMONABeezus, I’m not ready for a new school. With all new kids. I’m just gonna embarrass myself, like always.

BEEZUS I know. How do you think I feel?

Beezus starts to cry. It breaks Ramona’s heart to see this.

BEEZUS (CONT'D)What if Henry liked me? He might have asked me out. I mean...he probably would have. Maybe. Eventually.

Ramona turns to her. Looking into her eyes with admiration.

RAMONA Beezus...he’d be dumb not to. You’re the prettiest girl in high school.

Beezus tries to smile through her tears, touched.

BEEZUSJunior high school. But thanks.

(then, really studying her little sister)

Ramona, you’re like nobody else I know. You don’t worry about stupid things like fitting in and stuff. I wish I could be more like you.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms in the dark room.

EXT. FRONT YARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DAY

Mrs. Kushner pounds a “FOR SALE” sign into the front lawn.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

From the bay window, Ramona and her Mom watch the sign go up.

RAMONAWhy does it have to be Susan’s Mom?

MOMWell, they do say she’s the best in town, sweetie. And we can’t afford to keep it on the market too long.

92.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

Mrs. Kushner leads the Quimbys around various rooms. She wears a bright business suit with matching pumps, equal parts cheery and calculating -- this is where Susan gets it from.

MRS. KUSHNERIt’s a wonderful home, so much curb appeal. With a few last minute touch-ups, fresh paint, flowers -- we’ll have no problems selling quickly.

She looks at the door frame -- marked up with the girls VARIOUS HEIGHTS over the years. She forces a smile.

MRS. KUSHNER (CONT'D)You really should paint that before the open house tomorrow. New buyers need the home to feel...fresh.

RAMONABut, that’s our growth chart!

MRS. KUSHNERYes, well...you’re all grown-up now.

She measures up the living room, gives a confident smile.

MRS. KUSHNER (CONT'D)Okay, we’ll put all the sales brochures here, along with my Snickerdoodles, of course. Cookies give a home such an inviting aroma.

She heads for the window -- gazing out at Ramona’s tree.

MRS. KUSHNER (CONT'D)What a beautiful tree. And a big back yard. May I suggest a bit of color?

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - THE NEXT DAY

Ramona sits in her TREE PERCH, listless, numb. All around the yard, Aunt Bea, Mom, and Beezus do some last-second home improvement -- planting COLORFUL NEW FLOWERS along the fence.

AUNT BEAAren’tcha gonna help us, Ramona? We’ve only got a few hours to do this.

RAMONAI don’t wanna help sell the house.I was supposed to save it!

93.

Ramona gazes over the KEMP’S FENCE, into their backyard, still marked with HOLES. Hobart is loading his Jeep.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Why don’t you get your boyfriend Hobart to help? He likes to dig.

Bea looks up at Ramona strangely -- how did she know?

AUNT BEAThat’s true. He’s been trying to dig up the past since he got here. And now, he wants me to go with him to Alaska.

MOMHe asked you to go to Alaska?

BEEZUSWith him?!! You mean, together?!!

AUNT BEAHe’s asked three times now, at least. Last night he sent roses.

BEEZUSRoses?! So romantic! Aunt Bea, how do you get guys to do that? What’s the secret?

MOMMore importantly...did you say yes?

Ramona stops pouting to hear this response. Bea shrugs, no.

AUNT BEA I was tempted. I really was. But, I have to protect myself this time. If I’m gonna uproot my entire life and go -- I dunno -- shack up in an igloo, I need some sign of commitment. I need to know it’s serious.

Mom reads that Bea is more upset than she’s letting on.

MOMOh, Bea...I’m so sorry.

AUNT BEADon’t be. We had a big fight, he said some mean things -- now he’s heading off again. In the long run, I probably saved myself a massive heartache.

(beat)And...replaced it with a smaller one.

94.

Trying to give Bea some space, Mrs. Quimby turns to Ramona.

MOMRamona, honey -- grab the hose and help out. I’m not asking this time.

RAMONABut, Mom...don’t you even care that our whole life is going up in flames??

MOMWell, then GRAB A HOSE and put it out. But please, stop acting so spoiled!

Ramona pouts at that -- quickly climbs down the tree, pulls the HOSE across the yard. Kicking the grass, so frustrated.

IN RAMONA’S IMAGINATION:

She gets carried away. The fence is ABLAZE. A WALL OF FIRE! Ramona bravely throws her RED BOOTS on, shoulders the hose and pulls the trigger FULL BLAST, sending a RUSH OF WATER up the fence --

BUT IT ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS INTO THE KEMP BACKYARD -- where it douses Hobart as he packs his Jeep. Hobart jumps back, surprised. Looks back toward the fence, hurt and annoyed.

HOBARTAhh, I see. You had to go there. What’s wrong -- you couldn’t find a sharp object to throw at me?!

He grabs a BUCKET -- heads for the fence and HEAVES IT --

IN THE QUIMBY BACKYARD -- the bucket of water arcs over the fence. Ramona ducks -- and it hits a surprised Bea square in the face! Hobart CACKLES from the other side of the fence.

AUNT BEAOooh!!! There it is: Exhibit A. The class clown hasn’t grown up at all!

Ramona discretely drops the hose, trying to look innocent.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)Girls, I need some back-up.

ON THE KEMP SIDE -- A WAVE OF WATER comes back over -- from FOUR DIFFERENT BUCKETS. Hobart gets even more drenched.

ON THE QUIMBY SIDE -- the four women CHEER IN CELEBRATION. Until a series of WATER BALLOONS suddenly splash down, soaking all four of them! Aunt Bea GASPS in shock and awe.

95.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)That’s it! This is war!

And just like that, it begins -- a WATER FIGHT over the fence! HOSES and BUCKETS. WATER BALLOONS and SUPER SOAKERS.

ON THE KEMP SIDE -- Howie and Hobart make a great team, laughing and firing at will. Willa Jean frolics in the water. Mrs. Kemp grabs a tall FLOWER SPRAYER, joins the fray.

ON THE QUIMBY SIDE -- Beezus fills buckets as fast as Bea can hurl them. Mom lifts an UMBRELLA to stay dry. Ramona KNOCKS excitedly on the LIVING ROOM WINDOW -- trying to recruit Dad.

INT. LIVING ROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Dad sees Ramona KNOCKING, but Mrs. Kushner comes up from behind, placing a plate of warm SNICKERDOODLES on the coffee table.

MRS. KUSHNERExpect the serious buyers in 30 minutes.

(then, hearing LAUGHTER)What -- what’s all the shouting about?

DAD(quickly snaps the BLINDS)

Oh -- nothing to worry about.

EXT. OUTSIDE RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Ramona frowns at the BLINDS GOING DOWN. But then, sees the GREEN LAWN reflected in the window. It gives her an idea.

RAMONAI got an idea! Follow me, you guys! We can win this thing...!

Ramona leads them in an Army crawl through the mud -- round the side of the Kemp House -- where Ramona sneaks up to the SPRINKLER CONTROL BOX. Pops it open, turns a dial to MAXIMUM!

EXT. KEMP BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS

SPRINKLERS kick into gear, drenching the Kemps! The Quimbys CHEER! Amidst the chaos, Bea and Hobart share a tense look.

But then...an EERIE GROANING NOISE, from somewhere under the ground. The sprinklers start to spurt and cough -- the WATER PRESSURE builds up, until -- WHOOOSH! Pipes burst from every open hole. A torrent of WATER SHOOTS from one of HOBART’S HOLES. And then another, and another.

96.

MRS. KEMPMy pipes! I told you -- my pipes!

HOWIEHe was right! It’s an ANCIENT CURSE!

The Quimbys stand up in awe, taking in the chaos. Ramona’s Dad rushes to the control box to turn it off, but the knob COMES OFF IN HIS HANDS. He tries in vain to re-attach it.

DADRamona! What did you do to this?

Ramona can only shrug, sorry. The Kemps fall down laughing.

HOBARTYou win, you win! WE SURRENDER!

But then -- with a CLIMACTIC WHOOSH -- a STRANGE OBJECT gets shot from the ground -- arcing into the air -- and splashing down! Hobart picks it up, chuckling in utter disbelief.

HOBART (CONT'D)I knew it was around here somewhere.

He cleans it off, to reveal a huge ZIP LOCK BAG. He turns to Bea and brings it to her -- as she stands under an umbrella.

HOBART (CONT'D)Beatrice -- I’d love to go back in time and fix all the stupid stuff I did. This is as close as I can come.

He opens the Ziplock -- and pulls out a musty old SHOE BOX. Howie and Ramona trade a look of amazement -- the treasure! Bea opens the shoe box -- and has to catch her breath.

HOBART (CONT'D)You were always serious to me, Bea.

Inside, she finds a strange assortment of BOUTONNIERES, SCHOOL PICTURES, TICKET STUBS, messages written on NAPKINS -- artifacts of a high-school romance. Bea holds back tears.

AUNT BEAYou kept all this?

Among the trinkets, a PLASTIC RING. Bea GASPS. Hobart takes the ring out, brushes it off -- and gets down on his knee, in the middle of the muddy yard! Beezus swoons at the sight.

HOBARTI went all around the world. And the whole time, I thought of you. I don’t want to go anywhere else without you.

97.

(MORE)

(blinking away the water)I love you, Bea. Will you marry me?

Bea starts to cry. Falls into Hobart’s arms, weeping. They share a passionate kiss under the sprinklers. Everyone watching has to dab away the tears -- except for Ramona.

RAMONA(sotto)

Ah, guts!

EXT. FRONT YARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

Mrs. Kushner plants “OPEN HOUSE” FLAGS along the path. Already, PROSPECTIVE BUYERS and FAMILIES move up the walkway.

INT. LIVING ROOM - THE KEMP’S HOUSE - DAY

Forlorn and drenched, Ramona spies on the Real Estate Open House from the Kemp’s living room. Behind her, the Kemps and Quimbys wear towels and bathrobes -- circling Bea and Hobart on the sofa. All of them totally soaked and excited.

AUNT BEAThis is just...my head is spinning!

Ramona looks at them, all so happy -- and feels left out. She sadly fingers Aunt Bea’s PHOTO LOCKET around her neck.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)We must be crazy! We’ll have to go to the court house to make it official...

HOBARTCourt house?! Oh, c’mon, Bea -- if we’re gonna do something crazy, let’s do it with style. Dancing, music, flowers, all that. Let’s throw a real wedding.

AUNT BEABut they want you in Alaska in 3 days!

HOBARTPlenty of time! We find a location, get the word out, book a band, bake a cake...pow, you got a wedding...!

RAMONAYou LIAR!

Everyone gasps -- as Ramona glares at her Aunt on the sofa.

98.HOBART (CONT'D)

RAMONA (CONT'D)You said you wouldn’t get reeled in! You said I’d always have you around!

Ramona goes STORMING OUTSIDE. Dad tries to corral her.

RAMONA (CONT'D)SEA BASS!

DADRamona, get back here and apologize!

MOM“See” what?

AUNT BEAUmmm, inside joke. Ramona, honey -- come talk to me, please!

But she’s already out the door. Beezus looks through the window -- to see Ramona storming back to their house -- kicking over an “OPEN HOUSE” FLAG.

BEEZUSUhh...I think we’d better stop her.

INT. RAMONA’S HOUSE - DAY - CONTINUOUS

Ramona runs into her beloved house, weaving through crowds of PROSPECTIVE HOME BUYERS. Every room filled with strangers.

INT. BATHROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

A YOUNG COUPLE examines the tile grouting around the tub.

YOUNG WOMANI’m not a fan of the tub. But, we could probably replace it...

Ramona is aghast. Her world spinning. She turns back into the hall -- then hears cackling laughter from her BEDROOM.

MOTHER (O.S.)Well, if the boys got the room, then we’d want to paint the walls blue...

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Ramona runs down the hall to her room, throws open the door...and discovers a FAMILY of FRECKLE-FACED TRIPLET BOYS bouncing on her bed! She gasps in disbelief!

99.

RAMONABOYS??!!!! NO!!!!!!

INT. ATTIC - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona retreats to the only room available -- the attic. She STOMPS around the shaky wood floor, angrily -- until she gets the smallest glimpse of the backyard through a DORMER WINDOW.

She squeezes into the unsteady crawl space for a look out that window -- sees SOME KIDS reading the headstone on Picky-Picky’s grave. They shake their heads, amused. It breaks Ramona’s heart. But, that’s not the only thing BREAKING...

An ominous CRACKING beneath her feet. Ramona’s eyes go wide.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Heads turn as the Quimbys, Bea, and Hobart all rush into the open house -- still in their BATHROBES -- just in time to see a CRACK spread across the ceiling. Plaster suddenly rains down -- as Ramona’s legs CRASH THROUGH the ceiling. The crowd screams and scatters. Ramona’s bare legs dangle above.

RAMONA (O.S.)Help! Help!

With each kick, chunks of plaster fall on the Snickerdoodles.

INT. BATHROOM - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATER

The last HOME BUYERS trickle out, as Ramona sits on the toilet. Mom dabs antibiotic ointment on the cuts on Ramona’s legs. Her Dad paces, clearly upset but trying to contain it. The parents of the Triplet Boys poke their heads inside.

MOTHER OF TRIPLETSIs she okay?

MOMYes, she’ll be fine. Thank you.

As she leaves, one of the Triplets sticks his head in.

TRIPLET BOYWe saw your underpants!

Ramona can’t even fight back. Dad crosses his arms.

100.

DADRamona, I’ve had it. These antics have got to stop right now. You’re making our lives really difficult.

RAMONA(tears in her eyes)

I thought I made it colorful, Dad.

DADNot in the middle of our Open House!?! You promised us you were going to be responsible. It’s time to grow up.

RAMONADad -- can’t you see I’m trying!

DADWell, TRY HARDER!

Beezus calls urgently from the hallway.

BEEZUS (O.S.)Dad...it’s Ms. Meacham, the teacher on the phone. She says she needs to talk to you, urgently.

Ramona’s eyes go wide with fear. What’s wrong at school?? Her Dad sighs, exasperated -- gives Ramona a knowing look.

DADGreat.

Dad leaves, takes the phone call down the hallway. Ramona’s face twists in anguish, tears rolling down her face.

RAMONA (sobbing)

I give up...

She gets up and leaves the bathroom. Her mother follows.

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona wipes away tears as she starts to pack a few bare essentials into her book bag. Her Mom enters the room.

RAMONAI thought he loved me, Mom...!

MOMRamona...your father was just...

101.

RAMONAMom! I’m ten years old -- I think I can tell when I’m not wanted.

(choking on the words)I just...I just have to run away.

MOMWell. I’m sorry to hear that.

Ramona angrily chokes on her tears. She stuffs her bag with her PENCIL CASE MONEY HOLDER. Mom sighs -- sees where this is heading. It’s amusing -- but also a bit heart-breaking.

MOM (CONT'D)How long will you be gone? I mean, just in case people start asking.

Ramona squints -- determined to shock her mother.

RAMONAForever.

MOMAh. I see. Hmmm. In that case, I think you’ll need a bigger suitcase.

Ramona reacts, surprised -- her Mom took that awfully well.

MOMENTS LATER -- Ramona is stunned silent, watching her Mom participate in her departure. Tossing open a HUGE SUITCASE.

MOM (CONT'D)I don’t want you to get cold at night, so I’m adding your Dad’s wool sweater. It’ll be kinda big on you now, but you’ll grow into it eventually. Are you planning to bring your toothbrush?

Ramona shrugs, nods. Still shocked at her Mom’s attitude.

MOM (CONT'D)I think that’s wise. Just promise me, you’ll brush your teeth every night.

She holds up the ZIPLOCK BAG OF TOOTHPASTE. Tosses it in the suitcase -- then gives her daughter one last pat on the back.

INT. HALLWAY - RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona drags the enormous suitcase down the hallway -- GRUNTING as she pulls, desperate to be noticed by her family.

102.

RAMONAThere is nothing you can say to change my mind. I’m leaving right now.

(no response)You can try. But you can’t stop me.

Mom sighs, knowing she has no better recourse than to let Ramona work through this.

EXT. OUTSIDE RAMONA’S HOUSE - FRONT YARD - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona lugs her heavy suitcase outside -- glances at the family MAILBOX -- fingers the “Q” with cat whiskers. When she look back at the house, the DOOR shuts. Ramona gives a HEAVY SIGH. Maybe they really don’t care.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DAY

Beezus peeks out nervously on Ramona through the bay window.

MOMI’m already worried. Do you think we let her take it too far?

Mom and Dad exchange a concerned look. Dad grabs CAR KEYS from the counter. Mom finds the Baby Monitor, FLICKS IT ON.

EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - MOMENTS LATER

Ramona strains to drag the impossibly heavy suitcase -- leaning practically perpendicular to the sidewalk to pull it. Tears fill her eyes. One of the bag’s WHEELS SQUEAKS loudly.

Ramona rounds a corner and suddenly finds herself face-to-face with the “Werewolf” GERMAN SHEPHERD. Her heart races.

RAMONAUh...uh...nice doggie...?

The dog BARKS, baring his SHARP TEETH. Ramona tries to run -- the suitcase weighing her down like an anchor. The STRAP BREAKS OFF in her hand -- and ROLLS BACK down the street!

Ramona thinks fast -- pulls off her shoe, hurls it at him. Misses. But the dog stops, sniffs THE SHOE -- and to her horror, picks it up and TROTS AWAY with it in his mouth.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Hey! Wait! That’s mine!

But, it’s too late. The dog is gone. And so is her shoe.

103.

EXT. LOCAL NEIGHBORHOOD STREET BUS STOP - LATE AFTERNOON

It starts to get dark. Ramona shivers and limps along with one shoe, now PUSHING her suitcase. She joins a few PEOPLE at the little neighborhood BUS STOP.

The bench is full, so she overturns her suitcase to sit on it. Shifts uncomfortably -- there’s something lumpy inside.

She opens it -- and finds a BOWLING BALL inside?! Strange. She investigates deeper inside: HAND WEIGHTS, an UGLY VASE... and her dad’s thick JOB LISTINGS BOOK tumbles out beside her.

She scowls at that stupid book. And yet, as the BOOK PAGES are splayed open, Ramona sees something wonderful -- a SKETCH of herself in the margins, SITTING IN HER BACKYARD TREE. Ramona reacts, turns the page -- and finds ANOTHER SKETCH of her SMUSHING HER NOSE against the bay window. Page after page of BEAUTIFUL SKETCHES. Truly she is her father’s muse.

RAMONADaddy...

Then, along the top corners -- a SERIES of SKETCHES on successive pages. She fans the pages and it turns into a FLIP BOOK, ANIMATED: Ramona splashing through puddles in red boots, until she gets stuck and has to be lifted away. The boots remain and sprout flowers. The words “GOTTA LOVE MY RAMONA” appear. Ramona can’t help but LAUGH through tears.

INT. FAMILY CAR - MOVING - DAY

Dad drives. Mom rides listening intently to the BABY MONITOR -- even though Roberta rides in the backseat with Beezus.

EXT. BUS STOP - SAME

A BUS PULLS UP to the curb. As the DOORS HISS OPEN, the other riders climb aboard. The BUS DRIVER looks at Ramona --

BUS DRIVERGettin’ on or not?

Conflicted, Ramona tries to zip her suitcase. Suddenly, she hears a SQUAWK. She looks inside the bag, and tucked behind some sock rolls is the BABY MONITOR -- squawking with STATIC.

MOM (ON THE MONITOR)RAMONA...? SWEETIE, WE MISS YOU...

Ramona reacts, stunned. Talking to the suitcase excitedly.

104.

RAMONA(into the monitor)

Mom?! Mom! I miss you, too! And I forgot something, really important...!

MOM (ON THE MONITOR)What did you forget, honey?

The driver looks sideways at this crazed, tear-stained, shoeless little girl who is now talking to her suitcase. With a nervous smile, the Driver SHUTS THE DOOR. Then, as the BUS PULLS AWAY from Ramona on the sidewalk --

It reveals the FAMILY CAR across the street! Ramona is flooded with relief to see her family.

RAMONA(into the monitor)

I forgot how much you love me.

Her Mom steps out of the car, holding the other baby monitor.

Ramona RUNS toward her family, crying with joy. Mom kneels down and scoops her up in her arms. They both start to CRY.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Did you make my bag heavy on purpose?!

MOMWhat else could I do, sweetie? I’d be just lost without my Ramona.

Dad and Beezus come join them -- bringing Baby Roberta, too.

DADYou didn’t think we’d let you get away that easy! You’re a Quimby for life!

RAMONAI’m sorry...I just...I just thought you’d all be better off without me. I’m just in the middle, making a mess.

Dad frowns and kneels down to Ramona’s level to respond.

DADRamona, you’re my middle child. And do you know what that means?

(Ramona shakes her head, no)It means you’ll always have a place, right in the middle of my heart.

Roberta touches tears on Ramona’s cheek -- then sticks her tongue out. Ramona smiles wide. They all share a big family hug -- right there in the middle of the street.

105.

BEEZUS(through her joyful tears)

Oh, God -- I really hope nobody I know sees us out here. We’re so weird.

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

Bea and Hobart help the Quimbys hang STRING LIGHTS, prepping for the wedding reception. Bea sees Ramona and approaches her.

AUNT BEARamona -- I’m so glad you decided not to run away.

RAMONAMe, too.

(then, shrugging)You should try it.

Aunt Bea smiles, takes a deep breath and leans down to her.

AUNT BEAHoney, let me ask you something. When you had your bags packed and you were leaving home...what stopped you?

RAMONAA dog. And a bowling ball...

AUNT BEAAnd...? Something about love, maybe?

Ramona shrugs -- reluctantly NODS.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)Exactly. When you suddenly realize how much you’re loved -- is that something you can walk away from?

(Ramona shakes her head, no)Well, that’s how I feel. I feel... giddy...and dizzy...and ready. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to go where love takes me.

Bea pauses -- wants to make sure Ramona hears this.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)That’s the thing, Ramona. I can move anywhere -- even Alaska -- ‘cause I know I’ll be with the person I love.

Ramona processes this. Bea squeezes her hand.

106.

AUNT BEA (CONT'D)But, remember...we’ll always be as close as we are now. Just a bit farther away.

RAMONA (reluctantly)

Well...I guess your leg warmers will finally come in handy. Up in Alaska.

Bea laughs and hugs her tight. Her Dad calls out.

DADWe’ve got plenty of tables, but nowhere for people to sit. How does that work?

HOBARTNot a problem. We told everyone B.Y.O.C. -- Bring Your Own Chair.

AUNT BEAWhat are we even doing for music?

HOBARTTaken care of. I found a band. They don’t exactly have a record contract, but they’re cheap and eager to please.

(with a nod to Ramona)Which means the only thing we need to find now are...the bridesmaids.

Aunt Bea turns back to Ramona and Beezus.

AUNT BEAThink you two could do me the honor?

Beezus GASPS, nods excitedly. Ramona frowns, toes the grass.

RAMONAOkay.

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - NIGHT

Ramona tosses and turns in bed -- as the STRANGE SCARY SHADOWS return. Suddenly, she squints and sits up, makes a decision -- and bravely gets out of bed. Her BEDSHEETS CLING TO HER, as if pulling her back -- but she KICKS THEM AWAY.

INT. KITCHEN - RAMONA’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ramona’s mom alters a bridesmaid dress, while Dad creates a bunch of wedding cupcakes, adding detailed FROSTING FLOWERS.

107.

He plucks a FROSTED FLOWER for her. Mom eats it.

MOMYou know, honey...I heard you talking to Ms. Meacham when she called.

(turning to him)Sweetheart, I want you to know...you don’t have to make a lot of money to make us happy. I can keep working. It was an adjustment, but I like it. We’ll manage. I want you to be happy.

They share a smile as he nods, thinking -- before they suddenly see Ramona shuffle toward them in her PJs.

DADYou okay, kiddo? Can’t sleep?

Ramona takes a breath. There’s something she has to say.

MOMWhat is it, honey?

RAMONAMom, Dad. I want you to know...I can move. As long as I’m with the people I love...I’m not scared.

Her parents melt. Her Dad leans down to her.

DADYou’re a brave little girl.

INT. RAMONA’S NEW ROOM - MOMENTS LATER - NIGHT

Ramona FLICKS OFF the lights. STRANGE SHADOWS SWIRL across the carpet. But Ramona doesn’t flinch -- walks right up to the edge of the bed. Waits there, wiggling her toes...

But nothing grabs her. She smiles. Climbs in bed to sleep.

EXT. CHURCH - THE NEXT DAY

WEDDING GUESTS exchange pleasantries, pass through the entry. Hobart greets them, checks his watch -- it’s almost time.

MOM (O.S.)It’ll have to do. What do you think?

108.

INT. ANTECHAMBER - CHURCH - THE NEXT DAY

Mom finishes altering the hem of Ramona’s BRIDESMAID DRESS as she wears it. Ramona TWIRLS happily. The transformation is just amazing -- even her thatchy hair has grown a bit.

MOM Promise me, when you get to the altar, you’ll stand still. No fidgeting, no trouble making -- no rolling your eyes.

DADSee if you can stand like a statue.

RAMONAYou mean, like the one that shoots water in the park?

(off her parents looks)I’m kidding. I promise. Statue.

Mom and Dad kiss her and rush to their seats. Ramona peeks out at the church, bouncing nervously -- and FROM HER POV -- the pews fill with familiar faces. Mrs. Pitt, the dachshund owner. Susan and her Mom. Ms. Meacham in a seat by herself.

HOWIE (O.S.)What’s Ms. Meacham doing here? Hope she’s not grading us...

Howie peeks over her shoulder at the crowd. Ramona shrugs.

RAMONAYeah, ‘cause she hates me again. She even called our house.

HOWIEGuess it’s good you’re moving, huh...

Ramona turns, sees Howie’s dorky “shorts suit” with KNEE SOCKS.

HOWIE (CONT'D)I’m sure gonna miss you though.

Ramona nods, thoughtfully. But, then starts giggling. Howie knows why. Howie looks down at himself.

HOWIE (CONT'D)Yeah. Pretty dumb outfit, huh? I look like I should be holding a giant lollipop.

(they LAUGH)Hey, wanna see a magic trick?

109.

Howie holds the RINGS on a PILLOW -- then flips the pillow upside down. Holds it right-side up again -- smiling.

HOWIE (CONT'D)My Grandma dummy-proofed it with her sewing kit!

MUSIC STARTS in the background. It’s almost time! Beezus walks over gingerly, wearing an IDENTICAL BRIDESMAID DRESS.

BEEZUSMy shoes really hurt. And I think I look stupid. Do I look stupid?

RAMONA Are you kidding? We’re wearing the same dress, and I look fantastic! Imagine how good you look, Beezus.

Beezus smiles. She needed that.

BEEZUSI’ll never make it down the aisle. These shoes are way too tight.

RAMONAMine, too! They pinch like crazy!

BEEZUSGive ‘em here. We’ll go au naturale.

Beezus takes their shoes, looks around -- and discretely stuffs them in a PLANTER. Ramona’s jaw drops, impressed.

RAMONABeezus -- that’s something I would do!

BEEZUSI know. What am I thinking?

Beezus winks mischievously. They both wiggle their toes, Ahhh.

INT. CHURCH - DAY - MOMENTS LATER

As the PROCESSIONAL MUSIC begins, Ramona and Beezus share a look and step down the aisle. THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION TURNS. Their long skirts perfectly cover their bare feet. Ramona barely moves her head trying to walk like a moving statue.

AT THE ALTAR -- Ramona takes her position next to Beezus. Hobart smiles at them. Ramona merely nods.

110.

And then -- the MAGIC MOMENT. Bea walks the aisle, so stunning. Ramona watches her in awe. That is the woman she wants to be someday.

CUT TO:

MID-CEREMONY -- Bea and Hobart stand in front of a MINISTER.

AUNT BEAI, Beatrice, take you, Hobart, to be my wedded husband...

While Bea recites the vows, Ramona spots Ms. Meacham in the crowd, peering at her over her glasses. Ramona stands up straighter -- channeling every statue she’s ever seen.

MINISTERMay we have the rings, please?

The Minister turns to Howie. Howie brings the pillow, tugs at the ring -- but it’s been sewn too tightly. He gives it one last hard pull -- and the RING FLIES IN THE AIR!

A COLLECTIVE GASP from the pews -- as the ring disappears. Howie dives on his hands and knees to find it, as does Hobart. Bea pulls up the train of her dress to look as well.

AUNT BEADon’t panic, folks. It’s only plastic.

Ramona stands like stone, watching her Aunt’s wedding fall apart, unsure what to do. Suddenly -- a GLIMMER catches her eye. She spots SOMETHING SHINY around Bea’s shoe heel. Ramona crawls over and lifts her Aunt’s foot -- pulls the RING off her heel. Gives it to Hobart as everyone EXHALES.

HOBARTNice work, Ramona.

He smiles so warmly at her -- and Ramona smiles back proudly.

But as Hobart raises the ring to Bea, she has to catch her breath. This ring isn’t plastic at all -- but instead, a STUNNING PLATINUM JEWEL-ENCRUSTED VERSION of it.

AUNT BEABut, Hobart...how did...it’s real.

Hobart slips it on her finger. Then, quite seriously...

HOBARTI still owe you that quarter.

(breaks into a smile)But I’m gonna spend the rest of my life trying to earn it back.

111.

Bea melts, so happy. The Minister continues. Bea locks eyes with Ramona and mouths “thank you.” Ramona makes a little “reeled-in” gesture. Both of them secretly giggle, hooked like sea bass.

Meanwhile, Ramona’s parents whisper to each other in the pew.

DADDid my eyes deceive me, or did our little girl just save the wedding?

MOMYeah. I think she did.

They smile lovingly and lock hands.

DAD(with a wry smirk)

Wow. We really are good.

EXT. BACKYARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE

The RECEPTION begins -- and Ramona’s backyard has never looked so pretty. Lights twinkle and every guest carries their own chair to the tables -- LAUGHING as they sit down. Ramona watches the GUESTS arrive. Yard Ape waves hello.

RAMONAYard Ape?! What are you doing here?

YARD APEWhaddya think? I’m with the band.

Ramona sees Mr. Clay help his 4TH GRADE MUSIC CLASS haul INSTRUMENTS across the yard. Yard Ape pulls out his JAW HARP.

YARD APE (CONT'D)Didn’t get all dressed up for nothin’.

He pulls down the collar of his shirt -- reveals a CHECKERED BOW TIE he’s drawn on his neck with a pen. Ramona CRACKS UP.

YARD APE (CONT'D)Uh-oh. Meacham at ten o’clock.

Ramona sees Ms. Meacham among the guests, approaching her Dad and talking. Ramona groans, tries to disappear in the crowd.

ALONG THE BACKYARD FENCE -- Susan sits alone at a table. Mrs. Kushner sees her, and in passing whispers in her ear.

MRS. KUSHNERSusan, stop slouching, it’s not polite. Nobody likes a hunchback.

112.

Susan frowns, but straightens up. Ramona approaches her Mom, who has just observed the Kushner’s exchange.

MOMRamona, why don’t you see if Susan wants a cupcake? Will you do that for me?

Ramona nods. Grabs TWO CUPCAKES and moves to Susan’s table.

RAMONAPrincess Susan... would you like a cupcake? My dad did the frosting.

SUSANI’m not supposed to eat cake.

RAMONAEverybody’s s’posed to eat cake.

SUSANI’m not supposed to be everybody.

Tears suddenly spring to Susan’s eyes.

SUSAN (CONT'D)I’m supposed to be perfect. And it doesn’t even matter! Nobody like me and everybody likes you!

(throwing up her hands)I mean, look at you. You’re always a mess. You’re not even wearing shoes! And everybody likes you anyhow.

Ramona pauses -- stunned to hear such a thing from Susan. Howie runs up with a SUPER SOAKER -- shoots punch into his mouth. His tongue is BRIGHT PURPLE and he’s proud of it.

HOWIE Ramona -- you want a shot? I filled it from the juice bowl.

SUSANSee? You have so many friends.

RAMONANot really. Howie’s not my friend.

(off Howie’s hurt look)He’s my cousin now. Technically.

Howie grins. Ramona opens her mouth -- and Howie fires away.

RAMONA (CONT'D)Note the family resemblance?

113.

She shows off their matching PURPLE TONGUES. Susan opens her mouth -- and Ramona squirts her a huge mouthful. Susan smiles gratefully, and they all start to dance -- rocking out to the music of Mr. Clay and his BAND OF FOURTH GRADERS.

AT THE PUNCH BOWL, Beezus ladles herself a drink. She watches Bea and Hobart dance, caught up in the romance.

HENRY (V.O.)Uhh...hey, Beezus.

Beezus gasps, at the sight of Henry Huggins standing there.

HENRY (CONT'D)So... people are dancing and stuff...

BEEZUSI’D LOVE TO!

She drags him to the dance floor, holds her arms out for a slow dance -- but Henry starts busting moves like her Dad’s DORKY DANCE. Beezus rolls her eyes, laughs -- joins along.

ON THE PERIPHERY, Ramona watches -- gives Beezus a thumbs-up. Just then, her Dad comes up beside her -- holds out his arm.

DADTime for a father-daughter dance?

Ramona grins, takes his arm. They start dancing together.

DAD (CONT'D)You did a wonderful job up there today, Pickle. A perfect bridesmaid.

RAMONAThank you.

(then, a bit cautiously)Dad -- what were you and Ms. Meacham just talking about? ‘Cause whatever I did wrong, I probably didn’t mean it.

DADBelieve it or not, we weren’t talking about you at all.

RAMONAReally?

DADNope. She was talking about an opening for an art teacher next term.

(off Ramona’s confusion)You know, when she called home the other day?

114.

(MORE)

Well, it was actually to tell me she’d passed that mural of ours on to the principal, who mentioned it to the superintendent...

Ramona’s eyes start to widen, so excited. Dad grins.

DAD (CONT'D)Long story short...it’s part-time, the pay is crummy...I hear the kids at your school can be a handful sometimes...

(then, with a big smile)But I’m thinking...I’m gonna take it.

Ramona lets out a WHOOP! Throws her arms around him.

RAMONAThat’s better than a fireman!

DADI owe it all to you, Ramona. You told me I could do anything. It took me this long to actually believe it.

(then, smiling)You really did save us, kiddo.

He spins her around. Ramona smiles and nestles against her Dad’s chest. Dad just beams -- he’s never been happier.

As the song ends, Ramona sees Ms. Meacham on the periphery -- watching them proudly. Ramona rushes over to her, thrilled.

RAMONAMs. Meacham -- I don’t have to move!

MS. MEACHAMI know. We’ll be together all year.I’ll pace myself accordingly.

She betrays just the smallest smile. Ramona smiles back.

RAMONAThanks for helping my Dad.

MS. MEACHAM Oh, I only passed along the mural. You’re the one who inspired it. Mind you, I’m no expert in Art...

(then, with a grin)But I certainly know something terrifical when I see it.

Ramona laughs -- shares a warm smile with her teacher.

115.DAD (CONT'D)

MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D)You’ve come a long way from the monkey bars, young lady. I’m very proud.

EXT. FRONT YARD - RAMONA’S HOUSE - DUSK

As the sun sets, everyone gathers for Bea to toss her bouquet. Beezus catches it to much APPLAUSE. Hobart and Bea hug everyone goodbye and climb into their pastel polka-dotted getaway Jeep -- “ALASKA OR BUST” in soap on the rear window.

RAMONAWAIT! WAIT! DON’T GO YET!

Ramona sprints over to the Jeep -- taps on Aunt Bea’s window. Hands her a small box. Bea opens it, to find ONE HALF of Ramona’s LOCKET on a shiny new chain. Ramona’s AWFUL SCHOOL PORTRAIT inside -- her face frozen in an imperfect grimace.

RAMONA (CONT'D)So, you can always have me around. Goodbye, Aunt Bea. I love you.

Bea grins, kisses her cheek. Puts on the locket.

AUNT BEARamona -- you’re extraordinary.

Ramona smiles. For the first time in her life, she actually feels a bit like that. As the Jeep pulls out -- we see a DOZEN SOUP CANS and (in the middle) two pairs of BRIDESMAID SHOES tied to the bumper. Beezus and Ramona share a knowing smile and CLASP HANDS as they wave to their beloved Aunt.

Mom and Dad join the girls with Roberta and wave goodbye arm in arm -- so happy. All around them, on the front lawn of their BELOVED HOUSE, wedding guests light SPARKLERS to see off the lucky couple. Susan and Howie bring one for Ramona.

She waves it around happily. Reveling in the BURST OF LIGHT.

116.