reintroduction to futurism

COMMUNITY

"Reintroduction to Futurism"

By

Not Dan Harmon

[email protected]

COLD OPEN

INT. STUDY ROOM - DAY (DAY 1)

CLOSE ON the CLOCK. PULL BACK to reveal JEFF, ANNIE,SHIRLEY, TROY, and BRITTA constructing 1980s-styleoutfits. PIERCE is present, but not participating. Brittaand Troys outfits complement each other.

BRITTATroy, the pocket protectors are anice touch. Very 80s.

TROY(lying)

Yeah, THATS why Im including themand not because theyre an awesomeway to hold pencils.

JEFFIt makes no sense that 80s partiesare popular during an era whereEVERYTHING is a throwback to the80s. Its like having anall-argyle party at Cornell.

ANNIE(protesting too much)

Yeah, the Ivy Leagues not sogreat.

PIERCEI, for one, am excited. I haventbeen to an 80s party since 1992.

(off their reactions)My friends werent very "with it."

TROYSo why arent you making a costume?

PIERCEPlease, I have everything I need athome in my garage.

SHIRLEYI gave all my clothes from backthen to the church. Somewhere,theres an underprivileged youth inparachute pants.

2.

TROYAnnie, pass the TRON tape?

ANNIE(throwing blue glow-tape)

Hey, wheres Abed?

ABED enters and sits.

ABEDHey, guys. Finishing up youroutfits for Magnitudes party?

JEFFMagnitude. Of COURSE the 80sparty is being thrown by aseventeen-year-old.

BRITTAMedia-exposed young people have adesire to experience what they seeon TV.

ANNIEAbed, where were you?

ABEDWaiting outside the door so I couldenter right when someone askedwhere I was, like in sitcoms. Ialso would have accepted two peoplemaking out who wouldnt want me toKNOW they were making out.

BRITTAAbed, are you sure you werenthiding from that Wilson guy?

TROYFrom Home Improvement? You canthide from him. Hes ALL EYES.

BRITTANo, Abed has a bully.

ANNIEAbed, be careful. Remember,identifying tropes isnt asuperpower.

Enter DEAN PELTON in a skimpy MAILMANS outfit.

3.

DEAN PELTONSpecial Dean-livery! Tomorrownight, the MALE

(throws MAIL in the air)ENHANCEMENT experts at ENGORGITEare sponsoring a 50s-themedENHANCEMENT UNDER THE SEA dance!

ABEDBACK TO THE FUTURE meets a lack oftaste.

JEFFAre you kidding? Who has a50s-themed dance?

DEAN PELTONPeople trying very HARD to come upwith puns, Jeffrey, thank you verymuch.

ANNIESorry, Dean. We already toldMagnitude wed go to his 80sparty.

DEAN PELTONOh, I understand.

(gathering letters)I knew I should have gone with aplay on the word "package." On thenose is what they want.

Dean Pelton exits.

ABED80s party. 50sparty. "Enhancement Under theSea." This all seems to bepointing toward...

JEFFDONT say it.

Long beat as Abed holds his tongue.

FADE OUT.

END OF COLD OPEN

4.

ACT ONE

INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT (DAY 2)

Troy and Britta dance to synth-pop in their matchingoutfits, among other 80s clad Greendale students.

KITCHEN AREA

Annie watches Troy and Britta, lovingly. Abed points tovarious modern kitchen APPLIANCES.

ABEDAnachronism. Anachronism.Anachronism. Anachronism.

ANNIEAbed, look at Troy and Britta. Doyou think tonight could be thenight they finally become a couple?

ABEDIt has to be. Theyre in Chandlerand Monica beta couple limbo. Tooclose to a relationship to go onbeing friends, but not yet in arelationship. BUT if a party likethis doesnt seal the deal, theymight both give up on it.

ANNIEYou mean if theyre not a couple bythe end of the night, they neverwill be?

ABEDRight, and they also wont befriends. The study group will haveto take sides, and eventuallydissolve.

ANNIE(not buying it)

Okay, Abed. I dont think the fateof all of our friendships lies inTroy and Britta hooking up tonight.

ABEDProbably not. I suppose Ive beenwrong in my analyses of the studygroup before.

5.

Annie considers that and suddenly becomes fearful.

ANNIELets make a pact. If we see themseparate, we nudge them backtogether. Okay?

ABEDTheres nothing we can do.

(self-consciously significant)It would be dangerous to manipulatetheir future.

ANNIETry to think of this as BACK TO THEFUTURE PART III, where that isntas much of an issue.

HALLWAY

Jeff stands behind MAGNITUDE in line for the bathroom. APARTYGOER finishes up.

PARTYGOER 1All yours, Magnitude.

MAGNITUDE(like "pop pop")

Poop poop!

JENNIFER (early 40s), attractive-in-a-librarian-way, getsin line behind Jeff.

JENNIFERJeff Winger.

JEFFHi. Youre saying my namefamiliarly, but I dont recognizeyou, so Im going to go out on alimb and say I know I dont deservea second chance, but Ive changed.

JENNIFERNo. We went to high schooltogether. JenniferTannenbaum? Im here visiting myfriend, Michelle.

JEFFOh my God. Jennifer. You look sodifferent.

6.

JENNIFERYou might be remembering my giantheadgear.

JEFF(remembering, horrified)

Right.(backtracking)

I mean, I barely ever noticedit. Hey, whatever it did, itworked.

DANCE FLOOR

Shirley busts a move with some BEAT BOYS. The boys startbreakdancing, which is out of Shirleys arena. Another BEATBOY approaches her with a plate of BROWNIES.

BEAT BOYYo, Shirls. You get down with thebest of em.

SHIRLEYOh, I was a 1980s youth once aswell.

(re: brownies)Did you make those?

BEAT BOYYou know it. Have one.

SHIRLEYI didnt think Id ever have somuch in common with someone wearingsunglasses indoors.

She bites into the brownie.

SHIRLEYDamn, thats good. Wait. Theseare just brownies, right?

BEAT BOYGrandmas recipe.

EXT. MAGNITUDES DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

A silver 1986 Cadillac Eldorado pulls up behind thehouse. The vanity plate reads "STRTSAHD." Pierce stepsout, wearing a WHITE SUIT that is a little too small on him.

7.

INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT

On the sidelines of the dance floor, Abed eyes Troy.

ABEDYou should be dancing with Britta.

TROYShe went to get a drink.

ABEDYou should help her.

TROYI think she can handle it.

Abed is confused.

ABEDAm I being too subtle?

KITCHEN AREA

Britta has found Annie.

BRITTASo, earlier, Troy was like, "whydont comedians ever talk aboutpeanuts that ARENT onairplanes? Are peanuts not funnyon land?" So I said...

ANNIEHey, you should get back tohim. Hes probably waiting.

BRITTADont you want to hear this,though?

ANNIE(unenthused)

Of course.

Pierce sidles into the conversation.

PIERCEHello, ladies. How would you liketo see the coolest car from the1980s?

8.

ANNIEMaybe on the way out, Pierce.

PIERCEWell, then, Im not looking at yourtight pants.

DANCE FLOOR SIDELINES

Troy and Abed are still waiting.

ABEDPerhaps I was coming on too STRONG.

(relaxed)Hey, bro. Thats a mad hot chickyou was dancin with. If you aintgonna tap dat, I will.

TROYDude, whats the big deal?

Pierce enters the conversation.

PIERCEHey, boys. You guys like coolcars, dont you?

TROYIf you are talking about theBatmobile, keep talking.

HALLWAY

Jeff bangs on the bathroom door.

JEFFAre you okay in there?

MAGNITUDE(v.o. - in pain)

Plop plop!

Jeff turns to Jennifer.

JEFFListen, why dont we go find abathroom somewhere else? Like, atmy apartment? Ive gothand-crafted Italian faucets.

9.

JENNIFERMichelle invited me here. I dontthink I should leave right awaywith some guy I havent seen intwenty years.

Pierce tries to get down the hallway, but other PARTYGOERSin line for the bathroom stop him.

PARTYGOER 2Hey, old man. No cutting.

PIERCEIm not using the bathroom. I justhave to tell that guy at the frontabout my Cadillac.

PARTYGOER 2Ive heard that one a milliontimes.

DANCE FLOOR

Shirley dances a little slower than before. The beat boybounces over.

BEAT BOYWhats hanging, Shirls? Thatbrownie kick in yet?

SHIRLEYKick in? You said it was Grandmasrecipe.

BEAT BOYYeah. Grandma is the street nameof my dealer. They call her thatbecause shes an old lady withgrandkids. Of which I am one.

Jeff DRAGS Troy, Abed, and Pierce through the dance floor.

JEFF(to Shirley)

Come on. Were all going outsideto look at Pierces car for exactlytwelve seconds so that he doesnttotally ruin my chances of gettinglaid tonight.

The men brush past her. She processes for a moment.

10.

SHIRLEY(bitter)

Another exciting adventure forShirley Bennett, mother of three.


The study group crowds around Pierces car.

PIERCEA 1986 Cadillac Eldorado.

TROYThis is the opposite of theBatmobile.

JEFFPierce, this is your lowpoint. You bought a car that wasnever cool as part of a costume foran indoor party. May I go backinside and pitch woo now?

PIERCE(defeated)

I guess so.

POLICE SIRENS blare in the distance. PARTYGOERS startfiling out the back entrance.

ANNIEOh, no! What are the police doinghere?

SHIRLEYI dont know anything about it.

ABED(to Annie)

This is not good. No party means abreak in the space-time-relationship continuum.

INT. MAGNITUDES HOUSE - NIGHT

CHAOS among the partygoers. They rush to grab their jacketsand sneak out. LEONARD slips DVDs from Magnitudes shelvesinto his coat pockets.

11.

LEONARDIts the fuzz!

BEAT BOYThe pigs are here!

HALLWAY

Magnitude SWINGS open the bathroom door.

MAGNITUDEPo po!

DANCE FLOOR

OFFICER CACKOWSKI clears the party.

OFFICER CACKOWSKISorry, fellas. Im afraid yourejust too darn loud. And the snareis too echoey.


The study group watches the other partygoers scramble.

SHIRLEYWeve got to escape.

ANNIELets take the Eldorado to the 50sdance.

JEFFNo! Its just the police. None ofus have done anything wrong.

BRITTALook! Theyre arresting an oldlady!

In the distance, Officer Cackowski has GRANDMA in custody.

PIERCEDamn ageist cops! Everyone in thecar.

They CRAM in the Eldorado.

12.

JEFFWe are NOT going to the 50s dance.

ANNIEWell, Im not luring cops to theapartment!

SHIRLEYJust drive, Pierce.

They PEEL OUT past the police car.

EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT

Pierce drives like a maniac.

ANNIECareful, Pierce!

TROYIm gonna say this one moretime. I seriously wish you got theBatmobile!

PIERCEIll show you what this thing cando.

He floors it.

ABEDLets see if this bastard can doninety!

JEFFAbed, not every lame luxury 80scar is a time machine! This is notBACK TO THE FUTURE! No one ischasing us!

Shirley, in the backseat, stares out the window. Shestotally calm and enjoying the ride.

SHIRLEYSo many colors.

The speedometer hits eighty-eight. Britta grabs Troys arm.

13.

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

A banner indicates the Engorgite Enhancement Under the Seadance, as does as a GIANT INFLATABLE PHALLIC EEL.

Out of nowhere, the Eldorado PLOWS into the HEAD of the eel,which slowly DEFLATES.

THE CAR

Everyone is shaken, but unhurt.

PIERCEWell, here we are in the 50s.

Abed points to the CARPHONE, Brittas leg warmers, then toShirley, Troy, and himself as he says:

ABEDAnachronism. Anachronism.Anachronism. Anachronism.Anachronism.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

14.

ACT TWO

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT (DAY 2)

A GREENDALE STAFF MEMBER reinflates the EEL while anotherSTAFF MEMBER wipes it down.

The Eldorado is now in the center of the LOT, steaming fromthe open hood. The study group, aside from Pierce, standsaround it.

JEFFThe police werent after us. Nowwere stuck at this lame dance.

BRITTAQuit whining. Youre just madwhatever girl you were after didntgive you her number yet.

JEFFExactly. I was getting somewherewith Jennifer, I was having trendyfun, and I was going to go thewhole night without any advancesfrom...

Dean Pelton, dressed as MARILYN MONROE, interrupts.

DEAN PELTONIm so glad you guys made it! Youall look Engorgeous! Im not sureyou got the period down, exactly,but hey, Im not complaining.

He places a hand on Jeffs abdominals, then walks backtoward the cafeteria.

JEFFI hope to God its no onesbirthday.

Pierce emerges from underneath the Eldorado.

PIERCEWell, the cars busted.

TROYWhat did you just do down there?

15.

PIERCEI fit my whole body under it, likein movies.

Jeff receives a text message. He looks at his phone.

JEFFGuys! The 80s party moved toLeonards house. Im sure we canfix this car if we all worktogether.

But when he looks up from the phone, everyone but Pierce hasvanished.

PIERCEThey all went inside. But Illhelp. I got a B in auto repair.

JEFFIll call a cab.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT

Troy, Britta, Abed, Annie, and Shirley move through thecrowd of somewhat UNPOPULAR 50s clad Greendale STUDENTS.

TROY(to Britta)

I can think of tons of funny thingsabout land peanuts. Like, why docircus peanuts have shells? Arethey afraid of clowns? I am.

BRITTA(not into it)

Hey, Troy. I read on Al Jazeerathat Libya is testing outautonomous rule. Isnt that great?

TROYAs long as "autonomous" doesntmean robots.

BRITTAIm going to go get somepunch. Ill be right back.

She goes to the punch table. Shirley wanders off as well,high as a kite. Annie pulls Abed aside.

16.

ANNIEAbed, Troy and Britta are growingapart. What do we do?

ABEDThe uptight 50s atmosphere bringsout the worst in both ofthem. Theyre free spirits atheart. They need to get back...

(pointing at camera)...to the more fun party!

ANNIEOkay. Its up to us to keep themaway from anyone else until Jeffand Pierce fix the Eldorado.

ABEDThis really is playing out a lotlike BACK TO THE FUTURE, and almostexactly the opposite of theINSPECTOR SPACETIME episode "Aheadto the Past," itself a latterseason BENJAMIN BUTTON homage.


Jeff and Pierce sit in the busted Eldorado, Jeff on hisphone.

JEFFWhat do you mean, you wont send acab from Greendale toLeonards? How do you even knowLeonard? Hello?

He hangs up.

PIERCEGreendale Taxi is a pickycompany. They once refused to pickup twenty clowns I hired for mynephews birthday.

(incredulous)Said they wouldnt fit.

JEFFNo. Ten to one the dean is behindthis. Sit tight.

Jeff exits toward the cafeteria, leaving Pierce alone. Hesits patiently for a moment, then picks up the carphone.

17.

PIERCELook at me. Im Jeff Winger. Ilike to use the telephone.


From afar, Annie and Abed watch Britta, whos talking to therare HANDSOME MAN in the room.

ANNIEOh no! The only attractive guy atthis dance is talking to Britta.

ABEDIll handle it.

ANNIEGreat. Ill find Troy.

Annie walks off. Abed is stopped by WILSON (20s), thebully. Hes big, but kind of dorky. Slick 50s attire.

WILSONHey, Nadir. Way to dress like itsthe 50s. Wait. Dont tellme. You and your little friendsare playing Back to the Future.

ABEDSo what if we are?

WILSONWell, play it somewhere else. Meand MY friends are playing seasonone of Mad Men.

A gang that looks like something between the study group andthe cast of Mad Men gathers around Wilson.

WILSONNow, theres only room for onegenre-savvy pop culture savant atthis dance. So make like an actualperson, and walk away from thisunhealthy conversation.

Abed does, toward Britta.

18.

ELSEWHERE IN THE CAFETERIA

Troy talks to a cute brunette WOMAN (early 20s).

WOMANIf anything, theyd be afraid ofthe elephants, because elephantsEAT peanuts.

TROY(mind blown)

Its all coming together.

Annie joins them.ANNIE

There you are, Troy! Britta, ourattractive blonde friend, waswondering where you were.

(to the woman)Oh, hi! Im Annie. I had a crushon Troy in high school but weretotally just friends and roommatesnow.

WOMANI should get back to my group. Imsupposed to be acting like someonenamed Trudy? I dont know. Itdoesnt make any sense.

The woman disappears in the crowd.

TROY(suspicious)

That was a weird way to introduceyourself.

ANNIEJust wanted to be thorough.

Annie walks off. Shirley strolls by, slowly.

TROYHey, Shirley? You dont thinkAnnie is jealous of the sort ofthing I have with Britta, do you?

Shirley giggles uncontrollably.

TROYYoure right. Thats stupid.

19.

Troy leaves Shirley to her giggling. She looks at her HANDlike its incredibly interesting.

SHIRLEYOooooooohh! Thats niiiiiice, man.

PUNCH TABLE

Abed and Britta.

ABEDBritta. Can you do me a favor?

BRITTASure, Abed.

ABEDWilson is here. Can you pretend tobe my girlfriend so that hellrespect me? Of course, that willmean not talking to any guy otherthan Troy and me. Mostly Troy.

BRITTACome on, Abed. Im not in the moodto play sitcom tropes. You need tostand up to him. You know thatswhat youll learn in the end,anyway.

Wilson walks over.

WILSONOh my God, Nadir! Youre seriouslyat the punch table? You know thatmeans I have to punch you, right?

BRITTAHey, back off, you walkingvolleyball. Abed is my boyfriendand you dont want to get on my badside. Im a hair puller.

She grabs Abed and KISSES him passionately.

In the distance, Troy is watching, shocked.

TROY(remembering)

"If you aint gonna tap dat, Iwill." Unless this is a hilariousmisunderstanding, Ive beenbetrayed.

20.

NEAR THE BAND

Jeff corners Dean Pelton.

JEFFDean! Why cant I get a cab fromhere to Leonards?

DEAN PELTONJeffrey, Im hurt that you wouldwant to leave the dance before mybig number. Here, check thisout. Its Colorados largest penispump.

The Dean points to a large red machine with wheels on thebottom and a huge tube on top.

JEFFWhy do you need people at thisdance so badly?

DEAN PELTONIf the Engorgite people areimpressed with the school, theyregoing to donate money to ENLARGEour science department.

Jeff realizes this goes even deeper.

JEFFYou called the cops on us.

DEAN PELTONThats ridiculous. Your music wastoo loud and overproduced.

JEFFDEAN. We almost DIED escaping fromthe police. You nearly KILLED ustonight!

The Dean slips aside and grabs the penis pump tube. He hitsa BUTTON on the machine labeled "ENGORGE," cuing a loudvacuum sound. He points the tube at Jeff.

DEAN PELTONStay away, or Ill Engorgeyou! Actually, come closer.

Air from under the machine blows Dean Peltons dress up,Marilyn Monroe style.

21.


Pierce fiddles under the hood of the Eldorado. He emergesvictorious.

PIERCEHa! I did it!

The engine BURSTS INTO FLAMES. Pierce tries to pat it downwith a small RAG.


Troy hunts down Annie.

TROYAnnie.

ANNIE(concerned)

Troy. Wheres Britta?

TROYNever mind. Listen, I know I nevernoticed you in high school.

ANNIEOh, dont worry about it. Ishouldnt have brought it up.

TROYBut you did. I dont want to makethe same mistake in college.

ANNIEWHAT?

Troy KISSES a confused, wide-eyed Annie.

We TRACK over to Shirley, still staring at her HAND. Thesound of the crowd and music swirl around in her head andbecome too much for her.

Her hand begins to DISAPPEAR.

SHIRLEYUh oh.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

22.

ACT THREE

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - NIGHT (DAY 2)

Jeff and Pierce sit in whats left of the Eldorado.

PIERCESo it turns out I didnt get a B inauto repair, I got an AUTOmaticfailure in BEEkeeping. I usedRaid.

JEFFI say we make the most of it and gointo the dance. The dean won thistime.

PIERCEYou go ahead. Ill stay out here.

JEFFI dont get it. I dont get whyyou bought this car or why youhavent joined everyone else in thedance.

PIERCEId rather not remember the50s. Especially the dances. Iwas in sixth grade.

A FUZZY EFFECT indicates a flashback to

INT. GREENDALE JUNIOR HIGH - 1955 - NIGHT

Sepia tones. Its the sixth grade dance. YOUNG PIERCE (12)makes his way through the crowd to a pretty GIRL (12).

YOUNG PIERCEHey, sugar lips. Would you like todance?

GIRLSorry, Pierce. Not right now.

A MEAN BOY (12) turns to Pierce.

MEAN BOYYeah, Bra-thorne. No one wants todance with YOU. Why dont you makelike Bob Hope in ROAD TO BALI andgo somewhere far away?

23.

As the heartbroken young Pierce walks out, a TEACHER (40s),munching on some messy CHICKEN WINGS, stops him.

TEACHERYou get rejected, Pierce? Nosurprise there. No Hawthorne everamounted to anything.

The teacher gets some sauce on his shirt and turns to agroup of TEACHERS nearby.

TEACHERHey, does anyone have a slightlywet napkin?

Pierce, even more hurt, exits the dance.

EXT. GREENDALE JUNIOR HIGH PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

Pierce walks away from the school building and leans againsta 1955 CADILLAC ELDORADO. A MYSTERIOUS GENTLEMAN with avoice similar to BOB HOPE casts a SHADOW on him.

MYSTERIOUS GENTLEMAN(v.o.)

Hey, kid. Nice car. Arent you alittle young to drive? I wonttell if you wont.

The gentleman chuckles and moves away. Young Pierce looksat the car, envigorated.

BACK TO SCENE

Pierce finishes the story.

PIERCEI always thought, the next time Iget invited to a cool party - whichwas tonight - Ill want to drive acar like that. It was stupid.

JEFFNo. Ill tell you whats stupid.

24.

INT. WINGER HOUSEHOLD - 1988 - NIGHT

A house party resembling RISKY BUSINESS. YOUNG JEFF (17)opens the front door to reveal YOUNG JENNIFER (17), inelaborate HEADGEAR.

YOUNG JENNIFERHi, Jeff! I heard you were havinga party tonight.

YOUNG JEFFSorry, that was last night.

Jeff, a crowd clearly behind him, shuts the door on her.

BACK TO SCENE

Jeff is ashamed.

PIERCEGreat story. Can you give me alittle space, now, please?

JEFF(realizing)

Thats it. Space. Weve beensitting here flashing back in TIMEwhen we should be traveling throughSPACE to Leonards house. Comewith me.

PIERCEWhere are you going now?

JEFFTo the Greendale department ofAeronautics.

Jeff opens the car door, which FALLS OFF.


We rejoin Annie and Troy after their kiss.ANNIE

Troy! This is not what Iwant. And its not what YOU want.

TROYI just thought - you seemed to bedriving girls away from me. Andthen I saw Abed and Britta kiss.

25.

ANNIEAbed and Britta? That makes nosense. Ill get to the bottom ofthis.

She starts to leave, but Troy calls after her.

TROYHey, Annie? Why isnt this whatyou want?

She walks back toward him.

ANNIE(affectionate)

It was like kissing my brother.

She pecks him on the cheek. Hes satisfied.

ELSEWHERE IN THE CAFETERIA

Shirley has been reduced to a FLOATING HEAD.

SHIRLEYWhat is happening? What ishappening?

NEAR THE BAND

Annie and Abed hash it out.

ANNIETroy thinks you and Britta reallykissed! Abed, we ruined the studygroup. Our future is bleak.

ABEDMaybe Troy and Britta are just notmeant to be. If two people canttolerate each other in the 50s,why would they tolerate each otherin the 80s, civil rights movementsaside? Forcing people togetherjust because you want to watch arelationship happen is how you endup with Rachel and Joey, Angela andTony, Barney and Robin. Maybepeople arent SUPPOSED to datetheir friends. Maybe thats notwhat friends are for.

26.

ANNIEBut what will happen if it doesntwork out? I cant deal with Brittaall by myself. Shes too muchwork.

ABEDMaybe you only want Troy to be herboyfriend so YOU dont have to beher boyfriend.

ANNIE(resigned)

Saying the word "maybe" beforelaying down a difficult truthdoesnt make it any less difficult.

ABEDPerhaps not.

PUNCH TABLE

Wilson walks up to Britta.

WILSONHey, I just want to apologize forbefore. I was out of line.

BRITTA(cautious acceptance)

Oh. Thanks. Just leave Abedalone.

WILSONBetween you and me, the two of youarent really together, areyou? That was just for my benefit?

BRITTAWell, yeah. I sort of have a thingwith Abeds friend, Troy.

WILSONI doubt that. I know him. I sawhim kissing some brunettebefore. Her, over there.

He points out Annie, across the room. Britta isstunned. Wilson is now fully committed to MAD MEN.

27.

WILSONSo dont lie to me, Joan.

BRITTAWhos Joan?

WILSONIm a pre-med student. Let mepre-examine you. Come on. Give mea little kiss.

He moves in closer to Britta.

BRITTAHey, Wilson. Whats that?

He turns around to find a smiling Troy, who PUNCHES him inthe face. Wilson FLIES back, aptly, into the PUNCHBOWL. But after a moment, he recovers, ready to FIGHT Troy.

TROY(still smiling)

Uh oh.

Troy bounds through the crowd, followed by Wilson. Troycomes upon the PENIS PUMP. He breaks off the tubing,revealing a base that functions inexplicably like aSKATEBOARD. He hops on and takes off down theHALLWAY. Wilson chases him on foot.

Garrett and Dean Pelton look on.

GARRETTWhats that thing hes on?

DEAN PELTON(distressed)

Its my penis pump!

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Troy skates for his life. Wilson cuts through classrooms tokeep up.

ANOTHER SECTION OF HALLWAY

TODD walks down the hall carrying an intricate DIARAMA of asmall town not unlike HILL VALLEY.

28.

TODDIm so glad I skipped all the danceparties tonight to get this done.

When Todd rounds the corner of the hall, Troy SMASHES intohim. Pieces of diarama are everywhere.

TROYSorry, Todd!

Troy hops back on the pump and skates off. Todd gets up andbrushes himself off, only to be PUSHED back down by Wilson.


The SPACE BUS from the episode BASIC ROCKET SCIENCE pullsup. Pierce is in the drivers seat. Jeff unboards.


Jeff pushes through the crowd to Annie.

JEFFAnnie! Weve got a ride. Weregoing back to the 80s party.

ANNIEI dont think we need to. Troyjust stood up for Britta!

JEFFWhat? Who cares?

He spots Abed.

JEFFAbed! Were going back to thefuture!

ABEDIt might not be necessary, afterall.

JEFFFine. Ill go myself.

29.

ONSTAGE

Dean Pelton takes the microphone from the BAND and taps onit.

DEAN PELTONAttention, everybody. As you mayknow, today is Garrettsbirthday. You may also know thathe is PRESIDENT of the equestrianclub.

GARRETT(quietly, in the crowd)

Neither of those things are true.

DEAN PELTON(about to sing like Marilyn)

Happy birthday to you / Happybirthday to you / Happy birthday,Mr. President...

Jeff emerges from the crowd.

JEFFStop singing!

He steals the microphone from the dean.

JEFFThere is another party. Its 80sthemed and its awesome, and no onehere was invited. Except for meand my study group. EvenPierce. But apparently, YOURE notgood enough to have fun with themtonight. Youre not good enough toWang Chung with them tonight. Now,Im here. And I know I should makethe most of it and enjoy myself,but I believe that FUN is not astate of mind. It is an objectiveexperience that is not availablehere, but that SHOULD NOT beexclusive. The truth is, there isa girl over there who probablyhates me because I didnt inviteher to another awesome 80s party,in the real 80s. And maybe, ifsome of you come with me, shellsee that Ive changed. But Im notasking you to do me a favor. Imasking you to do yourself a favor

30.

and dont let people who havedeclared themselves cooler than youdictate what you do with yourprecious college weekends. If anawesome party sounds good to you, IINVITE you to come with me.

GARRETT(calling out)

I dont want to go to a party whereIm not wanted! I did not relateto Annie Hall!

JEFFMAKE yourself wanted, Garrett.

(grabs small phallic eel)No amount of pills is ever going togive you self worth. But if youcome with me to the cool party, youwill prove that you belongthere. I promise you, it is a MUCHbetter party.

In the crowd, SHIRLEY, merely a HEAD and two floating HANDS,starts a SLOW CLAP. The rest join in.


Wilson closes the gap on Troy. Rounding a CORNER, Troygrazes a LOCKER, accidentally triggering the pumps ENGORGEBUTTON.

The vacuum sound echoes through the halls as Troy RISES fromthe ground, still skating forward.

TROYIts hovering! Its hovering!


The crowd files out toward their cars and to the spacebus. The ENGORGITE REPRESENTATIVE, a dwarf, approaches DeanPelton.

DEAN PELTONSir, theres a simple explanationfor all of this.

ENGORGITE REPRESENTATIVEDean, were donating money. Its atax write-off and good PR. Why didyou throw a dance?

31.

DEAN PELTONI thought it would be fun.


Troy hovers down a hall to a DEAD END. He pokes his headthrough the window at the end of the hall.

EXT. CLOCKTOWER - CONTINUOUS

Troy is next to a huge clock face. He spots the SPACE BUSbelow.

TROYThe space bus? Did I hoverboardback in time?

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Wilson appears at the other end of the hall. Troy istrapped. Wilson laughs.

WILSONI hope fear stimulates yourimagination.

Wilson RUNS at Troy with everything hes got. At the lastmoment, Wilson JUMPS, but Troy DUCKS, sending Wilson throughthe WINDOW.

EXT. CLOCKTOWER - CONTINUOUS

He plummets with a SQUISH into a TANK marked "MANURE -PROPERTY OF GREENDALE EQUESTRIAN CLUB."

Troy pokes his head through the window and looks down.

TROYManure. That was... lucky.

Below, Britta spots Troy.

BRITTATroy! You can zipline down theclocktower on that telephone wire!

TROYIm gonna take the stairs!

32.

EXT. LEONARDS DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Pierce stands by the door of the space bus to help peopleoff. The last student unboards.

From thin air, Shirley FADES IN next to Pierce.

SHIRLEY(re: visibility)

Thank goodness.(to Pierce)

Thanks for driving, Pierce. Lookslike you ended up with a prettysweet ride, after all.

PIERCE(proud)

Yeah, I guess I did.

The interior of the bus BURSTS INTO FLAMES.

INT. LEONARDS HOUSE - NIGHT

Leonard DJs. The party is bumpin. Abed approachesBritta.

ABEDThanks for kissing me earlier.

BRITTANo problem, Abed. You cant alwaysstand up to your ownbullies. Sometimes you need afriend.

That gives Abed an idea.

ABEDAnnie thinks you take advantage ofyour friendship with her. Youshould listen more, instead of justtalking about yourself. Thats myown analysis, of course. She wouldnever say something like that.

BRITTA(taken aback)

Okay. Thanks for your honesty,Abed. Ill take that intoconsideration.

33.

ABEDCool. Cool cool cool.

HALLWAY

Jennifer waits for the bathroom, alone. Jeff forms a linebehind her.

JEFFStill waiting for the bathroom,huh?

JENNIFERAfter the cops came, it sort ofwent away and it just came back.

JEFFYeah, me too. Jennifer, I want totalk to you.

Fat Neil walks out of the bathroom.

NEILThanks for inviting me, Jeff.

JEFFNo problem, Neil.

Neil walks off. Jennifer walks into the bathroom and turnsback to Jeff.

JENNIFERYoull still be here when I comeout, right?

JEFFIve got all the time in the world.

DANCE FLOOR

Troy and Britta slow dance to an 80s ballad.

TROYWe can put whatever happened atthat dance in the past, right?

BRITTAI dont know, Troy. You did kissmy best friend. But you alsopunched a guy in the face for meand then turned a penis pump into a

34.

skateboard, so why dont we callthis night a draw?

Troy nods his agreement.

DANCE FLOOR SIDELINES

Annie and Abed watch Troy and Britta. Annie isdisappointed.

ANNIEI dont think its going tohappen. You were right. Weshouldnt have meddled with theirfuture.

He looks at her reassuringly.

ABEDIf my future is ever in jeopardy, Iwould want you to be the one whoirrevocably alters it.

Abeds sweetness surprises Annie. She pulls him onto the

DANCE FLOOR

with her. At the front, Leonard FADES OUT the record.

LEONARDThis next ones an oldie. Well, toyou kids. Where I come from - the20s - everythings new.

JEFF(v.o.)

Shut up and play it, Leonard!

Leonard puts on New Editions 1986 cover of "EarthAngel." Jeff and Jennifer, Troy and Britta, Annie and Abed,and Shirley and Pierce dance among their peers.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

TAG

35.

INT. SHIRLEYS KITCHEN - DAY (DAY 3)

Shirley hums to herself as she pours FLOUR into a browniemix. The beat boy from earlier, now dressed in an APRON,enters the kitchen.

BEAT BOYMy trademark ingredient is chilipowder.

SHIRLEYPlease, thats kids stuff. Itsall in the pureness of thechocolate.

BEAT BOYYou realize the point of these isnot the taste.

SHIRLEYIll pretend I didnt hear that.

FADE OUT.

reintroduction to futurism

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