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inancial advisors will often describetheir ideal client base as wealthy,multi-generational families withcomplex financial and estate plan-ning needs. They are aware of thefinancial skills and knowledge theywill need to work effectively with

these clients, as well as the access to a wide range ofresources and related professional expertise. What theyoften pay less attention to is the significant social capi-tal required not only to build client relationships acrossgenerations but also the various professional relation-ships that will support them in this role.

Years of professional experience and hard work canfail to make the grade when you have mere seconds tomake a positive first impression in a social or businesssetting. Any misstep can take you out of the running,and you may not even realize what has happened. Forinstance, there is often a thin line between confidenceand perceived arrogance, or “just being yourself ” and

social sloppiness or lack of finesse. Research shows thatfirst impressions are nearly impossible to reverse.

WHAT IS SOCIAL CAPITAL?Social capital goes well beyond the concept of etiquetteand being “good with people.” It is the composite of yoursocial skills, cultural savvy, personal and business net-works, and your ability to get things done using these net-works. Contributions you make to the community inwhich you live and work also add to your social capital.

Your clients build an impression of your practiceover time based on the interactions with each memberof your team. The more affluent your client base, themore socially sophisticated your team needs to be.Consider how you, or members of your team, mighthandle the following common social situations. If youdon’t think members of your team would fare well,they may be hurting your business and you may needto invest in building their soft skills to improve yourbottom line.

Relationship Management

Raising Your

An advisor’s ability to engage his high-net-worth prospectsand clients, and build the professional networks crucial to hissuccess, largely depends on the extent of his “social capital.”Financial skills and knowledge alone are not enough; socialskills and cultural savvy are also important. Evan Thompsonand Diana Wiley test your social capital and show you howto connect your soft skills to your bottom line

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Relationship Management

Social occasions are about buildingpersonal relationships with people,not growing your prospect list andsoliciting business. Forget this atyour peril. In all likelihood, yoursocial networks will eventually feedinto your business interests.

TEST YOUR SOCIAL CAPITAL

SITUATION #1 You are attending a black-tie fundraising dinner spon-sored by your company on behalf of a charity that isstrongly associated with your firm’s marketing campaigns.In your opinion, the company’s philanthropic dollarswould be better placed in support of health research ratherthan this particular charity. In conversation with the guestto your right, you discover that he is a guest of the keynotespeaker and a philanthropist who has supported yourfirm’s charitable cause in a significant way. Do you:

A. Offer your opinion on your company’s giving strategies?

B. Cite some of your personal philanthropic activities?

C. Reveal how much you gave last year, and to which charities?

D. Find a subtle way to make the other guests at your corporate table aware of what he has done to support your common cause?

Response: This is a potentially disastrous situation if youdo not have a great deal of self-control, particularly as thedinner wine starts to flow. At a table with other corporatecolleagues and a guest of the keynote speaker, any inappro-priate comments could come back to haunt you.

The safest option is D. You need to shift your opin-ions into neutral and resolve to keep them there for theduration of the dinner. Rather, focus on the person him-self and the generosity his substantial gifts represent.Most major gifts are given as the result of a personalexperience which has touched the giver. You might del-icately ask how the connection with this particular char-ity came about. Chances are that the answer will softenyour opinion in this situation. For example, it may bethat his recently deceased wife chaired the board of thischarity for many years or that it touched his life in someother way.

As this guest does not know anyone else at your tablebut has probably been placed there intentionally becauseof his association with your company’s sponsored chari-ty, it would be gracious to introduce him to the table atlarge as a fellow supporter of the common cause. In thisintroduction, you would not give the personal details thatperson may have chosen to confide in you, as it is up tohim whether he wants to make this information knownto the general group.

SITUATION #2 You are walking to a restaurant with your client, the owner ofa large family business, and his son and daughter. On your waythere, you unexpectedly meet a senior member of your firm.Which person do you introduce to whom?

A. The person standing on your immediate right.

B. The daughter, as the only female in the group.

C. The business owner as a client of the firm.

D. The senior member of your firm.

In a social situation, you would usually present the men inthe group to the women, starting with the most senior man(either socially or by age ranking, depending on the situation)unless one of the men were a dignitary of some sort, in whichcase everyone would be introduced to him. In a business situ-ation, the correct answer is C. The client takes precedence andthe senior partner in your firm would be introduced to thebusiness owner first, and then to his daughter and son.

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SITUATION #3 You have met someone at a wedding who seems to be an excellent prospec-tive client. When is it appropriate to offer this person your business card?

A. Immediately upon introducing yourself, as you shake hands with your right hand and offer your card with your left.

B. When he or she requests it.

C. After you have asked for theirs, very early in the conversation.

D. It is seldom appropriate to present your business card at a social event.

Response: Social occasions are about building personal relationships withpeople, not growing your prospect list and soliciting business. Forget this atyour peril. In all likelihood, your social networks will eventually feed intoyour business interests, but this needs to be a subtle process. Making yourbusiness intentions evident to anyone on a social occasion will earn you dis-like, even contempt.

The answer here is clearly D. Conversation at a social event should focuson finding areas of common interest outside of your usual business interests,such as sports, travel or cultural events, for example. If your interaction resultsin a mutual desire to continue the conversation at a later date, or to exchangeinformation of some sort, then it is acceptable to offer your contact informa-tion. For example, your conversational partner may have expressed an inter-est in the villa you stayed at in Tuscany where you had a fabulous experience.This may well elicit a card in return. Some people carry “social” cards with apersonal telephone number and home address for these types of situations.

SITUATION #4Something as simple as how you receive some-one’s business card can say a great deal aboutyou. When accepting a card, should you:

A. Place the card in your suit coat pocket or handbag without looking at it?

B. Without a word or any hesitation, respond by presenting your business card?

C. Quickly glance at the card, say nothing and remove it from sight?

D. Look carefully at the card and offer some recognition of the firm name or industry, while perhaps mentioning that you have a positive association with the company or someone within the firm?

Response: The last option is a flattering andrespectful response. There is no need to dwell atlength on the card, but it is discourteous to give ita perfunctory glance before putting it away. Ideally,you should place it in your business card holder.

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Relationship Management

SITUATION #5 You are in conversation with someone who insists on standing veryclose to you. To discourage this, you should:

A. Keep stepping back from the person until he or she gets the message.

B. Advise him or her that you have a bad cold and that you don’t want the person to catch it.

C. Ask him or her to stand a little farther away as you have no hearing challenges of which you are aware.

D. Suggest it is warm in the room and some distance between you might cool things off.

Response: None of the above. Handshaking distance is a comfortablespace for most people, and you should govern your own behavior bythis rule. People from some cultural backgrounds, however, may feelcomfortable standing much closer to you than you would prefer; or,in a noisy crowd, some people might bend towards you to hear better.A woman might find she is being crowded for less innocent reasons.

People who invade your personal space are usually unaware oftheir behaviour, so trying to give cues is generally not a successfulstrategy. Even if you feel really uncomfortable, it’s best to tough itout until you can find a plausible reason to excuse yourself, such asto refresh your drink, or because you have spotted someone in thecrowd to whom you must say hello.

SITUATION #6 You arrive at a social function and don’t see any-one you know well enough to approach andinitiate a conversation. You should:

A. Make eye contact with someone in a group of between three and four people in conversation and confidently proceed toward them. You wait for an openingand introduce yourself to them.

B. Approach three people in deep conversationand introduce yourself to all of them, offering them your business card.

C. Approach a group and single one person out, excitedly noting that you think she looks familiar and start rhyming off a seriesof fictitious circumstances under which you think you have met.

D. Approach the organizer or host and ask her to introduce you to someone she knows.

Response: Joining a group conversation requires confidence, tact and expe-rience. If you are uncomfortable in this situation, a safe approach is to askthe organizer or host to introduce you to someone. If you are not well-known to the host, it will help to give her a brief introduction of yourselfthat is relevant to the situation so that she can help to get the conversationalball rolling.

If you want to take things into your own hands, approach a group ofpeople who seem to be talking in a casual way (people engaged in a focusedconversation will be annoyed if you interrupt them). If you pause outside theircircle, people will often welcome you by widening the circle to include you.Smile warmly to show your thanks and engage in conversation by listeningintently first. If you have something to contribute, make it short and amus-ing and take cues from the others before you become a full participant in theconversation. If you find that you have wandered into a conversation whereyou are not really welcome (e.g., longtime friends who are meeting for thefirst time in a decade), smile warmly again and drift into the crowd.

Another approach is to find someone in the crowd who seems to be ina similar position, and “rescue” him or her by starting a conversation. “I ama friend/colleague of the host but I really don’t know many people here.What is your connection with this event?”

This is not a comfortable situation for anyone. The key is to relax andbe quietly confident. Put your shoulders back and hold your head high.Enter the room with easy, relaxed strides — you will look more confidentthan you feel and people will be more likely to approach you.

A client has been monopoliz-ing your time during a clientappreciation event and youwant to get away to chat with other clients. How doyou graciously disengageyourself?

SITUATION #7 A client has been monopolizing your time during a client appre-ciation event and you want to get away to chat with other clients.How do you graciously disengage yourself?

A. Say that you have enjoyed your conversation but that you don’t want to monopolize her time.

B. Say that you have spotted someone in the crowd to whom you must say hello.

C. Suggest that you introduce her to someone who shares her interest in modern art, for example.

D. Excuse yourself to refresh your drink.

Response: Any of the above.

SITUATION #8 You are having lunch with one of your centres of influence whenthe conversation turns to a topic about which you have very littleknowledge, say, sailing. You:

A. Change the topic quickly to one that allows you to showcase your knowledge in another area, such as golfing.

B. Do your best to make your lunch partner think you have experience on the water.

C. Dismiss sailing as a “rich person’s pastime” and say you spend your time on more worthwhile pursuits, such as community service.

D. Say that you have not had much experience on the water but express an interest in hearing about the person’s sailing experiences.

Response: Take the last option. Ask him if he sails often andwhether he’s primarily interested in racing or cruising. Take yourcues from his answers to encourage him to expand on his experi-ences. Show that you are a skilled listener and are genuinely inter-ested in hearing about what interests them. Chances are that thisinterest will be reciprocated and that you will then have a chance totalk about your favourite activity. Even if this does not happen, youwill be noted as an interesting conversationalist, as you have let theother person talk about everyone’s favourite topic — themselves!

Showing your genuine interest in someone will get you throughmost social situations, including some of the trickier ones. Evenif you do make the odd faux pas in etiquette, people will remem-ber you as being gracious and attentive. Incidentally, you will alsohave significantly increased your social capital and your ability togenerate more. �

EVAN THOMPSON and DIANA WILEY are co-founding partners at Thompson,Wiley + Associates. Evan can be reached evan.thompson@thompsonwiley.comand Diana can be reached at diana.wiley@thompsonwiley.com. If you would likea PDF of this article, please email kdoucet@advocis.ca.