42 | RMPARENT

time outRelaxing vacations?The good and the not-so-good of taking children along

L E A H A N S O N

We recently returned from a family vacation—the first we’ve taken with our almost

4-year-old. While we’ve traveled with her many times, our trips have always been to visit (and stay with) family, at-tend weddings, and that sort of thing. This trip was an actual vacation—trav-eling for the sole reason of fun—and we were lucky enough to be able to do it with other family members includ-ing grandparents, two cousins, and an aunt and uncle.

But here’s my question after it ’s all said and done: When will vaca-tions be relaxing again? Don’t get me wrong, we had lots of fun. A whole lot of fun, in fact. But after being home for a few days in our normal routine, I can’t help but say aloud (as guilty as I feel saying it), I definitely feel more relaxed now that it ’s over.

Vacations might be more stressful than staying home. Gone are the days when a vacation consists of days on end of sleeping in, day drinking on the beach, and eating a quiet dinner with friends or a partner. Gone are the days of filling backpacks with a week’s ne-cessities and venturing into the moun-tains for miles and days of adventure and disconnectedness.

It is just us? Is this one of those things everyone knew and didn’t mention?

Newsflash to those who may not know: “Vacations” with small children consist of staying up later but getting up earlier. For most, they include more sugary treats in a day than the child normally consumes in a week. They include fewer rules and far less routine. And fewer naps. Or (gasp) no naps. For those of us who work outside the home, we’re faced with the more diffi-cult daylong job of keeping up with our children. For us—and I suspect many families—this all leads to some elevat-

ed level of chaos upon return. Clearly there are wins. The oppor-

tunity to give your child(ren) a new and exciting experience and to see new and exciting places cannot be replicated any other way. Reading books, seeing movies, and hearing about others’ ex-periences will never equate to seeing it ourselves. To see and experience new and different people and cultures mat-ters a lot, especially when you live in a mostly homogeneous society. And one needs not go far to experience a culture change—or better, a culture shock. For those of us who live far from our family and close friends, traveling al-lows us to maintain those relationships you might not otherwise be able to do. Clearly, these are all obvious wins when matched up against staying in the same place and doing the same thing day after day. At least in theory… ask me

on the day after a vacation and I might think differently.

All this is noted with the un-derlying and dramatic importance to giving our kids things we find valuable and important, even when it cramps our style… or our daytime margaritas. Chalk vacations up as one of those things that change drastically after having kids. And, frankly, events you might even have to suffer through. Be-ing a parent is a selfless act, that’s not new news to (almost) anyone. But, even the most giving and thoughtful parents find frustration in some of the little things they give up, even if it’s only for a short time. I miss grocery shopping alone. I miss happy hours on a whim. And today, I miss the way vacations used to look. But clearly when I look at what I’ve gained as opposed to what I’ve lost, I’m happy. Happier even.