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REVISING & PROOFREADING Francesca Gacho, Graduate Writing Coach [email protected] / cmgtwriting.uscannenberg.org

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REVISING &PROOFREADING

Francesca Gacho, Graduate Writing Coach

[email protected] / cmgtwriting.uscannenberg.org

Goals of this Workshop

§ Identify the differences between the latter stages of writing: revision, editing, and proofreading

§ Identify practical and sustainable revision tasks

§ Learn how to manage revision tasks

Revising, Editing, Proofreading

• Revising is the “big picture” work that allows you to assess if the paper is doing what it’s supposed to. • Adding, taking away, or modifying material. You are working with BIG STROKES.

• Reorganize the paper or re-draft the introduction or several paragraphs of the paper.

• Editing is typically done after revising. It looks to improve the coherence and style of the paper.• Correcting any awkward sentence structures or improving the flow of ideas (by

adding better transitions).

• Checking the accuracy of your citations and sources.

• Proofreading is the final sweep of the paper for errors. The focus tends to be on sentences, grammar, punctuation, and spelling. • Look for tricky mistakes (confused words) and typos.

Revision Tasks

Reverse Outline

Eliminating Wordiness

Editing & Proofreading

Reverse Outline

§ Reverse Outline is a revision method that helps you check the logical structure and function of your paper and its individual parts

§ How do I create a reverse outline? There are 2 approaches in creating a reverse outline: 1. writing one-sentence summaries of each paragraph;

2. listing the purpose or function of each paragraph in the overall structure of the essay.

§ What can it show me? § Organization

§ Thesis Support

§ Flow of the paper

Do this relatively early and more than once

throughout the writing process so you can keep

track of how your paper is developing (and if tweaks along the way are needed).

Approach #1: One-Sentence Summary

DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO CHECK PRIMARILY FOR:

§ Paragraphs that are relevant and coherent

§ Paragraphs that support your thesis statement

1. Place a number to each paragraph of the paper.

2. On a separate sheet of paper, list the main point of each paragraph. The point is to be brief.

3. Look at your outline to see an overview of the paper and its main points.

Approach #1 Sample• Claim: Deinstitutionalizing mental patients in the late twentieth-century led to transforming the “hobo”

to the “homeless person.”• Paragraph 1: Introduction• Paragraph 2: The image of the hobo before World War II

• Paragraph 3: The image of the homeless person today• Paragraph 4: The effects of deinstitutionalization

• Paragraph 5: A history of deinstitutionalization• Paragraph 6: A history of the depression; how the depression is both different and

similar to the time of deinstitutionalization; incorrect beliefs about the causes and timeframe of deinstitutionalization

• Paragraph 7: The Reagan administration’s policies on deinstitutionalization• Paragraph 8: The realities of life as a “homeless person” contrasted to the romantic

notions of “riding the rails.”• Paragraph 9: Conclusion

Ask Yourself

§ Are the paragraphs properly focused? § If you are having a hard time summarizing the paragraph, you might

have too many ideas in one paragraph or it lacks clarity.

§ Either way, this should signal a possible problem with the paragraph and that it would probably need revision.

§ It is also possible that the paragraph doesn’t have enough ideas, making summarization difficult. In this case, consider why the paragraph is included in the first place.

§ Are there extraneous ideas within a paragraph that can be deleted or moved to another, more pertinent paragraph?

Approach #2: Checking for Structure

DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO CHECK PRIMARILY FOR:

§ Paragraph structure and flow

1. Print your paper. Make sure you see and can annotate both sides of the margins.

2. Go through each paragraph and follow these two steps:a. On the left-hand margin, paraphrase the topic sentence and/or main idea.

b. On the right-hand margin, write down how the paragraph advances the overall argument of the text. This should inform you of the logic of the text and should help you get a sense of the paper’s structure beyond “intro,” “body paragraph 1,2, or 3,” etc.

Ask Yourself

§ Looking at the paper as a whole, does the organization of the paper reflect what you promised in your introduction and/or thesis statement?

§ Does the logic of the argument flow well from paragraph to paragraph? Is there important information that should occur earlier in the paper?

Revising the Introduction

• Checking your draft against the CARS Model for Introductions• Creating A Research Space

• Three Rhetorical Moves

• Move 1: Establishing the Research Territory

• Move 2: Identifying the Gap or Niche

• Move 3: Filling the Gap or Niche

CARS Model Handout

Checking for Argument/Thesis Statement

Can I clarify my central claim?• WHAT• In this paper, I will argue …

• HOW• I will argue this by/through …

• WHY• This argument is important/relevant/significant

because …

Small-scale Revisions: Paragraphs

• Useful for checking for well-developed paragraphs.

• AXES Paragraph Structure• Assertion (Also known as a topic sentence)**

• ** Makes a claim. Not a statement of fact.

• eXample (Also known as supporting details, examples, results)• Facts, figures, anecdotes*

• Explanation (Also known as analysis or discussion) Translates the evidence and gives

• Significance (Also known as reflection, significance, or relevance)• Explains the connection between assertion & evidence

• Connects to the thesis and shows assertion’s larger significance/relevance

Identifying AXES

[1]“Seasoned” teachers, or those who have been teaching for five or more years, benefit from professional development. [2] Coaching support to teacher grade level teams provides experienced teachers confidence to make changes to include new instructional techniques (Goodwin, 2011). [3] The new Common Core Standards (CCS), which will be implemented in the 2014-2015 school year, will require teachers to expand their instructional strategies to include rigor, problem solving, and constructivist learning situations (Smith, 2012). [4] This shift in teaching is enormous, and our aging teaching population needs to know how to present these standards in the classroom with a renewed energy and focus. [5] Observing peer classrooms, creating lessons, and sharing instructional strategies is the need our “baby boomer” teachers have to assure they are confident teachers who instruct rigorous, 21st century classrooms.

Identifying AXES

[1] “Seasoned” teachers, or those who have been teaching for five or more years, benefit from professional development. [2] Coaching support to teacher grade level teams provides experienced teachers confidence to make changes to include new instructional techniques (Goodwin, 2011). [3] The new Common Core Standards (CCS), which will be implemented in the 2014-2015 school year, will require teachers to expand their instructional strategies to include rigor, problem solving, and constructivist learning situations (Smith, 2012).[4] This shift in teaching is enormous, and our aging teaching population needs to know how to present these standards in the classroom with a renewed energy and focus. [5] Observing peer classrooms, creating lessons, and sharing instructional strategies is the need our “baby boomer” teachers have to assure they are confident teachers who instruct rigorous, 21st century classrooms.

AXES Practice

[1] In addition to highlighting platform jumping practices in Zambia, our informants foregrounded different motivations for and gradients of anonymity in online environments. [2] Anonymity is critical to online identity construction, and social media provide different possibilities for maintaining anonymity (Van der Nagel & Frith, 2015). [3] Alice Marwick and danah boyd have noted that while in offline situations people know the context within which they are conversing, in social media sites there is often a “context collapse” in the sense that users are unsure who exactly is viewing their performance of self and are unable to restrict this performance to a particular audience segment (Marwick & boyd, 2011). [4] Anonymity provides a way to negotiate this context collapse. [5] The desire for anonymity depends on the user’s perception of a particular news site, blog, or social media platform and the kinds of people and social groups the user thinks will frequent the platform. [6] As users gauge varied online contexts, they enact anonymity in the process of making their views public, and they may either critique or endorse the status quo.

AXES Practice

[1] In addition to highlighting platform jumping practices in Zambia, our informants foregrounded different motivations for and gradients of anonymity in online environments. [2] Anonymity is critical to online identity construction, and social media provide different possibilities for maintaining anonymity (Van der Nagel & Frith, 2015). [3] Alice Marwick and danah boyd have noted that while in offline situations people know the context within which they are conversing, in social media sites there is often a “context collapse” in the sense that users are unsure who exactly is viewing their performance of self and are unable to restrict this performance to a particular audience segment (Marwick & boyd, 2011). [4] Anonymity provides a way to negotiate this context collapse. [5] The desire for anonymity depends on the user’s perception of a particular news site, blog, or social media platform and the kinds of people and social groups the user thinks will frequent the platform. [6] As users gauge varied online contexts, they enact anonymity in the process of making their views public, and they may either critique or endorse the status quo.

What if…

• …my paragraphs seem to go on forever?• This could be a matter of scope or depth of analysis/synthesis. Are you focusing

too much on summary? Are you discussing too many things in this paper? Check your thesis and make sure your scope is narrow enough for the requirements of the assignment AND that it allows you to discuss your topic in depth.

• … I don’t know what else to add?• Check again the scope of your thesis and assignment. Are there elements still left to

discuss? If not, consider thinking about the larger implications of your paper (think of your topic in different, but relevant contexts) to see if there’s something worth exploring there.

• Do you have enough EVIDENCE? EXPLANATIONS? SIGNIFICANCE?

• If you are well below the word or page count, consider rethinking your thesis statement. Consult with your professor/chair and/or the Writing Coach to see where you can revise.

How do I manage revisions?

§ Use a checklist to stay on track

§ If pressed for time, focus on the big issues:§ CONTENT: arguable thesis, relevant evidence, ample

discussion

§ STRUCTURE: paragraphs have assertions/claim or topic sentences, effective transitions, integrated and cited quotations, coherence

§ STYLE: consistent formatting according to style (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.), precise language, appropriate tone

Questions?Up next: Editing & Proofreading

Editing

• Improve coherence and style • Eliminating wordiness

• Transitions

• Appropriately cited sources

• Rewriting still happens, but you’re working on focused editing tasks.

Eliminating Wordiness

• Weak words such as empty adverbs (very, really, actually, etc.) that do not provide content.• “Generally speaking, writers can kind of rely on certain online indexes of journals to

basically start their research.” (18)

• Repeated meanings and unneeded synonyms increase redundancy, which only takes up more space to articulate a point you’ve already made.• “The end result was brighter in color than we had hoped, but we plan to repaint the wall in

the future.” (21)

• The result was brighter than we had hoped, but we plan to repaint the wall. (15)

• Phrases that can be replaced by single words help to pare down your word count and wordiness• “Clothes that swirl and slide and move sensuously around you as you sway to the

music’s beat—that’s what disco dressing is.” (22)

• “Clothes that groove sensuously around as you dance—that’s what disco dressing is.” (13)

Eliminating Wordiness

• Negative constructions can get confusing so re-think them to improve clarity.• “Patients should not submit co-payments if they are not notified to do so, unless the co-

payments do not total $100 during one month.” (23)

• “Patients should submit co-payments only if they are notified to do so, unless the co-payments total less than $100 during one month.” (22)

• Nonessential information, usually in the form of prepositional phrases, can make for wordy sentences when the information is obvious, implied, or irrelevant.• “I turned the paper for English in to the teacher two days late, so when she got it the

grader took ten points from my grade.”

• “I turned the paper in two days late, so the grader took ten points off.”

• Clichés lose their meaning through overuse. They obscure your meaning. • “The powers that be are pushing the envelope with this management initiative.”

• “Upper management’s initiative is innovative.”

Passive Voice*

• Passive-voice expressions can lead to awkward and wordy sentences.

• Subjects are acted upon; he or she receives the action expressed by the verb.

• Look for “be-verbs” (was, is, are, am, been) and past participle form of verbs (given, done, written, reported).• The study was conducted by Smith and Jess (2012). (PASSIVE)

• Smith and Jess (2012) conducted the study. (ACTIVE)

• “… by puppies.” • Research will be presented (by puppies.) (PASSIVE)

• The study was conducted by Smith and Jess (2012).

• It was a good party. (NOT PASSIVE)

Finesse and PolishSee handout

Proofreading

§ At this stage, you should only focus on surface errors; no massive revisions should be done at this stage

§ If pressed for time, focus on the following:§ SPELL CHECK: run a basic spell check feature/program through

your document

§ SENTENCE-LEVEL ERRORS: run-on and sentence fragments, correct parallel structure, punctuation usage, redundancies

§ CONSISTENT FORMAT: tables, figures, and illustration captions, subheadings, citation format, manuscript format

Managing the Process

• Use checklists when you can. Checklists can help keep you on track.

• Keep a task log. Keep track of your revision tasks by logging them in to Excel or Word document so that you know what you’ve already completed and what’s left to do.

• Revise, edit, and proofread in stages. Don’t attempt to do all three at once. Yes, revision, editing, and proofreading tend to happen while we’re writing, but try to have dedicated drafting/writing time and revision, editing, and proofreading stages separately to make the process less confusing/messy.

• Give yourself plenty of time. If you’re rushing to revise, edit, and proofread, you’re more likely to miss obvious mistakes.

• Get feedback.

Questions?

Additional Resources

• Annenberg Writing Coach Website. “Resources.” http://cmgtwriting.uscannenberg.org/resources-2/

• Middlebury College Writing Center. “Revision, Editing and Proofreading: What’s the Difference?” 14 February 2011. http://sites.middlebury.edu/peer_writing_tutors/2011/02/14/revision-editing-and-proofreading-what%E2%80%99s-the-difference/

• Mt. San Antonio College Writing Center. “Reverse Outlining.” http://www.mtsac.edu/writingcenter/handouts/ReverseOutlining.pdf

• OWL Purdue. “Conciseness.” https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/1/

• University of Austin Undergraduate Writing Center. “Eliminating Wordiness.” http://uwc.utexas.edu