Revising the Rough Draft

Please have your typed Rough Draft out on your desk.

You will need several different hi-lighter colors.

Changes

This is the revising lesson over the Critical Analysis essay, but most of the points are still the same. The next couple slides are mistakes Shelley noticed in those essays.

Punctuation INSIDE quotes

Unless it’s parenthetical documentation, ALL punctuation goes INSIDE quotes.

In “This Really Long Article Title,” the period is inside quotes.

I am “quoting from the book,” and the comma is inside the quotes (Smith 345).

Wanna see a non-period “inside some quote?” (Smith 345).

Antecedents

You CANNOT HAVE an UNMODIFIED THIS or THAT.

Make sure those words are followed by nouns, please.

This shows NOTHING.This quote is now explained.

Pronouns for People

Please don’t say SOME, MANY, or OTHERS as unidentified pronouns.

Some may write this way. But other STUDENTS get it right. Some may disagree.But many WRITERS use

ANTECEDENTS and thus are more clear in their writing.

Intro and Conclusion Length

Your Intro and Concl. need to be at least 3 sentences. Can def. be longer.

INTRO: Intro into your novel, topic, time period, etc. You can include author’s background, info on the time period, critical reception of the book, author’s purpose, etc.

CONCL: This should be an effective summation of ideas, what the reader should have learned, etc. DO NOT add new material into the concl. Always a good idea to have some sort of thematic tie-in – how can this book possibly relate to your actual life? Why is the book still relevant 150 years later? What’s a lesson you could apply to people today?

Structure of Body Paragraphs

The 1st and last sentences of your BPs should NOT be quotes. Need to start and end w/ your own ideas.

1st sent – Ideally, this is your topic sent. What will the paragraph be about? Make sure the entire para. really is about whatever this sentence says.

Last sent – this should wrap up ideas in the BP, transition into next para, or, again ideally, relate your BP back to your claim. HOW and WHY does this point or para. support your thesis? Be explicit.

Clarity and Content

Are you really saying what you’re trying to say?

Thesis Statement

Give your essay to your neighbor. Have your neighbor hi-light your

claim. If your neighbor:

– can’t identify your claim– Hi-lights something other than what

you perceive to be the claim You need to REVISE Thesis should be LAST sent. of

intro.

Topic SentencesGive your essay to a different

neighbor. Have your neighbor hi-light the

topic sentence of each paragraph. If your neighbor:

– can’t identify each topic sentence– Hi-lights something other than what

you thought was each topic sentence

You need to REVISE

Body Paragraphs Make sure that NIETHER the first or last sentence of

each body paragraph is a quote! Does your quoted material clearly connect with and

support the claim and/or topic sentence? Is the importance/relevance of each quote clearly

explained? Does this paragraph contribute to the overall

development of your claim? How does the body paragraph end?

1. summary of ideas

2. transition into next paragraph

3. relates back to topic sentence

4. still discussing last quote

5. plot/story detail

(ONLY #1, #2, and #3 are acceptable endings)

TransitionsHow are you transitioning between

paragraphs? Look for transition words like:

– next, also, then, furthermore, however on the other hand, moreover, conversely, etc.

Transitions keep your paper flowing nicely, helping move between paragraphs or ideas within paragraphs.

How many of these words do you have in your essay? If you have less than three, where could you add a few?

RepetitionRead your intro.

Skip your body paragraphs. Read your conclusion.

Underline in red any repetitive sentences, words, and ideas in the intro and conclusion.

Re-write if they sound too similar.

Read each body paragraph.

Have you overused words such as:– Important, critical,

utilizes, explains, shows, portrays, etc.

Hi-light the word if you use it more than two times in the paragraph.

Try to come up with a synonym.

Variety of Sentence StructureIs there a variety of sentence structure? If you are worried about sentence

variety, try this: Using two different colored markers or

pencils, underline every sentence in your paper. This is a visual way to gauge your sentence variety

Do the sentences all look the same? Are they all the same length? If so, try to combine short sentences or

break up too-long sentences to vary the structure of your paper.

Conclusion

How many sentences is the conclusion? Does the conclusion effectively synthesize your

ideas? Does the conclusion contain a thematic lesson,

somehow relating to life beyond just the novel? Is the same wording that was used in the

introduction used in the conclusion? – Hi-light any over-used words.

What should your reader have learned from reading your paper?

SyntaxDon’t discuss syntax in terms of

punctuation. – Not “uses semi-colons” or “long list separated

by commas”– What type of SENTENCE STRUCTURE is he

using?– Also, what’s the PURPOSE of the sentence

structure? WHY is the author using it? What effect is he trying to achieve?

NO: “Sets off with parentheses” YES: “Uses an aside” or “parenthetically

adds”

Lack of SpecificityWatch out for unidentified pronouns.

– Lesson from yesterday: THIS – watch out for it! This needs to be followed by a NOUN.

– Look for the words: he, she, we, us, it, that, them, they, etc.

Do not use those words in a sentence or a paragraph without first explaining who the pronouns reference.

Tone and Syntax and Diction need to be preceded by ADJECTIVES.

Quotations

Quotations from Sources

Look at all your quotes. You need to document them. After the quotation marks, BEFORE THE PERIOD, you need parenthetical documentation. “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Last name #).

Does every single quote have parenthetical documentation? – Underline any quotes without parenthetical

documentation.

Are any of the quotes exceptionally long (2 or more lines or sentences)? – Draw a squiggly line under any quote you think is too

long.

Documentation Punctuation

If the quote is from the novel, you need the pg. # from the book.– “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Hawthorne113).

If the quote is from the Ebsco database or Literary Reference Center, you need the author’s last name and page number if there is one. If not, just the author’s last name. – “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Jones 145).– “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Smith).

ALWAYS put periods and commas INSIDE quotes.

Documentation Punctuation If you put the author’s name in your sentence,

you don’t need it again in the citation. – Knight views the symbolism in the play as a "creation

and destruction pattern" (164).– Edith Hamilton describes Hera perfectly: "She was

the protector of marriage, and married women were her particular care" (223).

– According to Clyde Jones, "Frost revives the themes of the early nineteenth-century romantics" (112).

– "A fully articulated pastoral idea of America," claims Leo Marx, "did not emerge until the end of the eighteenth century" (89).

Quoting Other Quotes If you are quoting material that your author is quoting

from another source, you have two options:

1. Use three quotation marks– Jones disputes Smith’s assertion that “‘Hester feels

no remorse’” (45).– Jones disputes Smith’s assertion that “‘Hester feels

no remorse’ (Smith 138)” (45). – The author “takes issue with ‘Hester feels no

remorse’ because she tries to repent” (Jones 145).– The author “takes issue with ‘Hester feels no

remorse’ (Smith 138) because she tries to repent” (Jones 145).

2. Cite the other author and add that source to your Works Cited.

– Smith argues that “Hester feels no remorse” (138).

Ellipses and Brackets To indicate material omitted

in the middle of your quote, use an ellipsis…

You do NOT need one at the beginning/end of the quote. Just start and end using the part of the quote that you want. – Hawthorn writes that "Robin

gazed with dismay and astonishment... The effect was as if of two individual devils, a fiend of fire and a fiend of darkness, had united themselves to form this infernal visage" (887).

– Singer writes that, "His thoughts turned to matters of business... It was easier to think about practical matters" (279).

Use brackets [ ] to indicate editorial changes that you must make to clarify the quotation or improve the grammatical structure of your sentence.

 – "She looked carefully for

the place where [Elizabeth] had entered the garden" (65).

– Flaubert says that "she [has] an excess of energy" (97).

Revising for Formal Tone

Adopt an authoritative tone, avoiding words such as should, maybe, seems, could, possibly, etc.

Eliminating Overused WordsHi-light any of the following words.

Real/Really, a lot, some, thing, pretty, very, stuff, it, till (use until), like, get/got, just, basically, good/bad

ELIMINATE all of those words entirely. ELIMINATE the phrase the reason is

because from your paper. This phrase is redundant.

Use formal tone throughout the essay.REMOVE any slang or informal

language: kid, guy, awesome, etc.

Eliminating 1st Person

Hi-light any of the following words: you, I, we, me, us, our, etc.

I think/feel/believe, you can tell, we can see, My next reason, Hawthorne is teaching us, etc.

ELIMINATE all of those words entirely.

There is no first person in formal writing.

Literary Present Tense

Are all of the verbs in literary present tense? – Hester is ostracized… – Dimmesdale abuses himself…– The author cites evidence…

If not, circle the verb and write VT next to any verbs in the wrong tense.

Apostrophes

Look for all apostrophes. There are no contractions in formal

writing (unless inside a quote).Mark out all the contractions and replace

them with the appropriate words.– Can’t = can not– It’s = it is– Doesn’t = does not– He’s = he is – they’re = they are– etc.

Presumptuous Assertions

Be careful when critiquing the style of an established author (like Hawthorne).

Praising him too much comes across as pretentious. You’re a high-school student. He’s in the cannon of Am. Lit. OF COURSE he’s a good writer. No need to be obvi.– Hawthorne expertly uses concrete diction…

You ARE allowed to discuss style, but you need to support your assertion.– The author fluidly incorporates the work of other

writers…– The author adequately supports his argument, but he

could have used more text evidence…

Sentence Beginnings

Do any of your sentences start with any of the following words?– And, but, well, so, or, now

If so, re-write the beginning of the sentence to eliminate them.

Sentence Structure Mistakes you shouldn’t be making…Are all your sentences complete

sentences? Do they all begin with capital letters?Do they all have periods at the end?Are there any fragments (too short) or

run-ons (too long)? Are there any comma splices (two

complete sentences separated by only a comma)?

Punctuation and Mechanics

Subordinating Conjunctions

Look for sentences that START with subordinating conjunctions: – However, although, if, even though,

when, because, while, since, afterDo the sentences starting with

these words include a comma? If not, they need one.

If one of these words occurs in the middle of the sentence, you DO NOT need a comma.

Commas

Hi-light EVERY SINGLE COMMA in your essay.

Count how many you have. If the answer is six or less, you

probably need to add some. If you are not sure about comma

usage, ask your teacher

Comma and FANBOYSFor, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So

If you are using a FANBOY (coordinating conjunction) and a comma, make sure BOTH SIDES ARE COMPLETE SENTENCES. – RIGHT: P. advocates for temperance, but he drinks

wine daily. – WRONG: P. advocates for temperance, but drinks

wine daily. – RIGHT: P. advocates for temperance but drinks

wine daily. Otherwise you don’t have a compound

sentence; you have a compound verb – and those don’t need commas.

Only exception is , and in a series. – Shelley loves football, chess, and cookies.

Colon vs. Semi-colon

Rule for Semi-colons – EVERYTHING on BOTH SIDES of semi-colon needs to be a COMPLETE SENTENCE (or at least a clause {subj-verb}) – Put your finger over the SC and check that way.

Generally, the two sentences are related. – Shelley is frustrated with the Texans; they were sure

hard to root for on Sunday. Colons are generally used in this way: to explain

something.– I’m about to tell you something: something.– There’s one main reason you’re stuck at a 6: lack of

style. – I’m about to list off reasons: reasons. – The Am. Rev. started for several reasons: R1, R2, and

R3. Some of you are using semi-colons when you

should be using regular colons.

Exclamation Points

Unless it’s inside a quote, remove all exclamation points.

Using exclamation points too much detracts from their effectiveness.

Nothing! is that exciting! in formal writing!

Book TitleLook for every time you reference the novel. Book titles are always UNDERLINED or

italicized with NO quotations marks. – Make sure you use the same format in the entire

essay. Be consistent! – The Scarlet Letter – underlined – The Scarlet Letter – italicized

Article titles should have quotation marks and NOT be underlined. – “Article Title” – in quotes– “Article Title contains The Scarlet Letter”– “Article Title contains The Scarlet Letter”

Spelling

Skim your paper.

Hi-light any word you think might not be spelled correctly.

Not sure? Ask your teacher.

Common Misspellings: – Affect (verb = to change) – Effect (noun = a result)– Separate – Familiar – Believe, Field/Chief– Receive – Occurrence/Occasion – Develop – Appearance – Judgment (only 1 E) – Knowledge/Knowledgeable

– Sufficient – Reference – Remember, Tomorrow– Conscience/Conscious– Definitely

Homonyms

These words sound similar, but are spelled the differently. Spell check won’t catch it, so you need to. – To/too/two– their/there/they’re = they are– Feel/fell– Where/were– Definitely/defiantly

• The word DEFINITELY has no letter A.

MLA Format

MLA FormatDoes the essay have a title? Is the essay double-spaced? Is the essay written in 12-pt. font?Is the essay written in Times New Roman,

or something equally as readable?Are there 1-inch margins?Does the essay use proper MLA heading at

the top? – Student Name– Ms. Shelley– English III AP, Per. # – 3 November 2015

Works Cited

Does the essay include a Works Cited Page? Is the title WORKS CITED centered at the top in

all capital letters without bold or underline? Do the entries on the Works Cited Page match

what you have quoted in your essay?You quoted from your summer read book, yes?

Did you cite THAT book on your works cited? Are the entries on the Works Cited Page in

alphabetical order? Did you skip a line between multiple entries?

Is the 2nd+ line of each entry properly indented?

Editing and Revising Reminders Editing and Revision Reminders MLA format for heading, margins, spacing (double space all, no extra spaces), and page

numbers 12 point font, Times New Roman, 800-1000 words (approximately 3-4 page) Title should reflect topic of paper Appropriate number of quotes (min 6 from primary source, 4 from at least 3 secondary sources) Correct parenthetical citations. No punctuation before (exception ! or ?); no punctuation inside

parenthetical, simply (author #) unless author’s name included in sentence or same source used twice in a row in same paragraph then (#).

All quotes embedded All quotes fully explained (do not assume significance is clear; do not rely on quote to

introduce or end a section/paragraph) PRESENT tense throughout! Use ACTIVE voice; eliminate “to be” verbs (max 3 per page); use strong verbs Antecedent must follow “this”… No “due to”… New idea = new paragraph (no one+ page paragraphs) TRANSITIONS between all sections and paragraphs (should demonstrate relationship between

ideas, not simply chronology like then, next, also, etc. Conclusion should provide new insight. Bibliography or works cited page in correct format. Page number = last page of paper (no new

heading); center title; double space entire bib (no extra spaces); alphabetize entries; hanging indents (.5 inch)