Principles of Healthy Relationships and Marriages

Presented by Military & Family Life Counselors

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Objectives

Participants will:

» Learn about the components of a healthy relationship/marriage

» Develop tools to create and maintain a healthy relationship/marriage

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Agenda

» Origins of our attitudes toward relationships

» What makes a relationship/marriage healthy?

» The importance of positive self-esteem

» Stages of marriage

» Writing a love letter

» Dating each other

» Tools for a healthy relationship

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Origins of Our Attitudestoward Relationships

Many of our attitudes about intimate relationships and what to expect from them are shaped by observing our parent’s and other adults’ relationships

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What Makes a Healthy Marriage?

» Mutual respect and acceptance of each other» Trust» Fairness/Equality

» Separate identities

» Good communication

» Understanding conflict is normal

» Positive self-esteem

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The Importance of Positive Self-Esteem

» Enhances communication skills and decreases resentment

» Helps you maintain your identity in the relationship

» Decreases likelihood of conflicts and enhances problem solving skills

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Stages of Marriage

» Romantic love

» Disillusionment

» The power struggle

» Acceptance and Cooperation

» Transformation

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Writing a Love Letter

Love letters» Words are powerful

» You don’t have to be a poet - simple statements are just as meaningful – write from your heart

– Both men and women appreciate love letters

– Express the feelings that prompted you to write this love letter

– Write as if you are speaking directly to your partner

– Express what you love and enjoy most about this person

– Share the most significant moments that you have experienced with this person

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Dating Each Other

Plan dates with your spouse -Set a weekly date night with your spouse Plan aheadArrange for childcarePay attention to your appearanceAllow time for conversationKeep it simple or lavish – whatever your budget allows

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Tools for a Healthy Relationship

» Practice good communication

» Own your messages

» Remember to have fun

» Date each other

» Keep expectations realistic

» Practice self-care

» Be flexible

» Let your partner know you care

» Remember that building a healthy relationship is a process

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Summary

» Positive self-esteem enhances a relationship

» Planning dates and writing love letters or notes can help maintain intimacy

» Good communication is an important skill to develop

» Developing a healthy relationship is a process

» If problems persist or intensify, seek help

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Questions

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References

» www.ccamain.com/content/view//62/38

» www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/love

» www.pace.edu/page.cfm?doc_id=5115.

» Barnett, Doyle (1995). 20 communication Tips for Couples: A 30-Minute Guide to a Better Relationship. New World Library.

» Evenson, Merry (2009) LPC, LMFT, Military and Family Life Consultant

» Gottman, John & Silver, Nan (2000). Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. Three River Press.

» The Divorce Recovery Book, Michelle Weiner Davis (2001)