s. m. a. cadet receives easter formal hop will kablegram hall of...
TRANSCRIPT
ONLY SIX WEEKS TO GO
ONLY SIX WEEKS TO GO
VOL. 16 Staunton Military Academy, Kables, Virginia, Friday, April 14, 1933 No. 14
Criticism of Kablegram Is Shown by a Canvas
Of Majority of Corps
Jake Slevin's "In the Champs Corner" is Most
Popular
OTHER DISCONTINUED STORIES WANTED AGAIN
S. M. A. Cadet Receives Brunt of Framed Attack
Playful Pals Get Unsuspecting Fellow in Hot
Water
Recently a canvass of certain members of the cadet corps, faculty, and school employees was taken with the intention of discovering what are the most popu- lar feature articles run in each issue of THE KABLEGRAM. Several interesting facts were brought to light.
"Tony the Juner," it seems, is not as well received this year as last, and the main complaint is that it is too long, and set in type that is difficult to read. "Tony" apparently stores up, during the period of two weeks, too much news about which to write his brother.
"The Senior Writeups," though begun late in the year and only taking one half column of space, were read by al- most everyone and generally thought quite amusing. The intimate, humorous jabs at the Seniors concerned went over big with the Corps. The fact that the write-ups were begun so late is unfor- tunate, since the Senior Class, although smaller than usual, offers a great deal of material. Perhaps the humorist who has been giving us laughs will resume, for there is no doubt that he will be well received.
"Brays" is another column that was liked practically unanimously. It is short, snappy, to the point, and has the fac- ulty of producing a sudden rising of temperature under the collar. This last fact is a large factor in the column's success, for it makes it a sort of "He who laughs last—etc." proposition. Ev- eryone is sure to get it sooner or later.
(Continued on Page Two) o
Congregation of Williams Propose Organization of
Society of Novel Nature
Hearing the rumor that a "Bill" club was to be organized upon the "Hill," to take its place with the Sergeants club, the Rebel's club, and other such social organizations, this reporter was sent out to run down the rumor.
Nothing definite could be obtained ex- cept that the club was to be composed only of cadets who are named "Bill," William, "Willy," or nicknamed "goat." The club will perhaps meet on the first part of the month it was learned, that being appropriate for a gathering to- gether of "Bills." The mascof is to be a "William" goat if one can be found that will not object to his associates To furnish stationery for such a club will be an economical sinecure for the secretary, it was pointed out, for it is planned to use common bill heads of any kind for this purpose.
In order to find out how many cadets are eligible for this club a search through the school files was made. It was found that only about three per cent of the total enrollment have the name of William, or any other "monicker" that might go as "Bill." This was thought to be unusual in a group ot boys the size of the cadet corps.
One cadet who goes by the name of "Bill" said that the scarcity of this name nowadays is a commentary upon the human race of today. He said it is a sign that the race is weakening and degenerating into "sissies" when as many as 300 boys from 40 states come together and there are less than a dozen named "Bill" in the bunch. He said something ought to be done about it, and that his first son, if any, would be named Bill. This cadet refused to let his name be published, except the bill part of it.
It was found that in the entire corps only the following cadets have William in their name: Borda, Chapman, Cook, Sprague, Steers, Van Ness, Wayman, and W'eston. If there are any others it is hoped they will let it be knovvn in time to organize and get their photo- graph in the annual, or hall of fame, or maybe the art gallery. ^^
He was quite at ease in a heavy bull session, more than contributing his share, when a "Friend" entered the room and exclaimed, "There's someone to see you—from Pittsburgh, I believe." Our hero jumped to his feet and dashci out to greet his visitors, and, incidental- ly, to go to his doom. Out of the bar- racks he rushed and arrived on the as- phalt out of breath. Yes, there it was, a big Lincoln limousine with "Pensy" li- cense plates. As he approached the car he wondered who it was, for, try as he might, he was unable to recognize the occupants of the "swanky boat." Though he had an idea that there might be a mistake, he determined to see it through, and even that slight fear was dispelled when the people opened the door to him. There were three young ladies in that Lincoln, all personable, and in the cen- ter there was the prettiest who welcom- ed him with a sweet, alluring "Hello." Now let us stray from the tale for a moment to explain the next event. Here are the actual facts of the case, to- gether with his thoughts of the episode as it enacted itself.
His mind—"Where have I seen her before ? She seems to know me, yet I cannot place her." He, aloud, "Well, this is a surprise, I didn't expect to see you here."
She—" i ou didn't expect me?" His mind—"Oh, oh, I said the wrong
thing. Think, man, think, where have I met her before. Did I invite her down here and forget about it, or what?"
He, aloud—"Well, that is, I didn't ex- pect you so early today."
Her mind—"Who is this person ? I've never seen him before, yet he knows of me. Could he be 's room-mate?"
His mind—"I'm in a jam. I must say something, yet I don't know what to say."
At this point, dear reader, his reflec- tions were interrupted by the arrival of another cadet, who was warmly greeted by the three girls. Our man blushed, stammered a halting apology, and fled. It was a case of mistaken identity. Nor did he feel better when he heard later that the girl had said to her cadet friend: "Who was that uncouth person? Why, he just walked up and started to talk—didn't even introduce himself."
Later, much later on, our friend's mind functioned with a snap, and he re- alized he was framed. Immediately he re-entered the barracks and started a vicious rumor about his double crossing "pal." Such trivial affairs brighten our days. Said "pal" wants it known that the rumor is groundless. o
Thompson Annexes Final Eliminations for Orator
Welcome Visitors
To those patrons, friends, and vis- itors who are to spend Easter with us, THE KABLF.GRAM sends forth its greetings. We wish all present a most enjoyable time, and urge you to see the school. You are as welcome as Commencement? Could one say more ? Especially to the alumni, re- turned for a glimpse of the old school, do wc send our welcome. Re- tain the tics that bind you to S. M. A., and learn that you arc always welcome to come and recapture a bit of cadet life.
Marksmen Climax Reason With Excellent Banquet
Letters are Given to Fifteen Men who Made Best
Targets
The rifle team brought to a close it's season by having a banquet at Chris' restaurant on the night of April 1.
Captain Louisell, assistant P. M. S. and T., Lieutenant Slattery, and Cap- tain Taylor were the hosts and all gave short talks at the completion of the meal. Lieutenant Slattery acted as toastmaster and expressed his delight in having the honor of being coach of the team this year.
Captain Louisell expressed his pleas- ure in working with the team and point- ed out some of the advantages of rifle marksmanship. He stated that either before or right after government in- spection he intended to take the entire rifle team out to the National Guard open range and let them fire under nat- ural conditions.
Captain Taylor closed the evening by saying that he gave this year's team more credit than those of other years because all the work was done on each individuals time and not, as in previous years, during drill.
After Cadet Lee, captain of the team, thanked all for their co-operation throughout the year, the banquet ended.
Those getting letters are : Eberhard, Hooper, Lee, Bamberger, Pelletl, Harp- er, Sprague, Place, Ramirez, Brooks, Young, Salassa, Schubert, Stephens, and Cook.
Easter Formal Hop Will Be Event of Spring Season
Dance to be Military Ball; Billy Morrison's First
Stringers to Play
Staunton Military Academy cadets and their better halves will appear en masse at the featured and much-antici- pated spring social function, the Easter Formal. The dance will be a military ball, and will take place in Kable's gym- nasium, the evening of Monday, April 17, at 10:00 o'clock.
A novel introduction to the hop will take place at ten sharp. The gates will close at 10:30; absolutely no one will be admitted after that time. The final strains of the orchestra will not be heard until two.
The feature of the function will be Billy Morrison's fourteen-piece orches- tra, of radio fame. This gang of music-makers will be the same as that that so well supplied the tunes for the Washington Birthday dance with the addition of one saxaphone, two violins, and a bass viol.
The gym will be a mass of flying colors, as the present plans state that the decorations will consist of numerous displays of flags of all nations.
The affair will be the most brilliant of the year thus far. The Corps will make its first social appearance in whites and the attire of the fair damsels will be sure to be up to the usual gay standard of the Easter season. Many out-of-town visitors, mothers, sweet- hearts, wives, will be in attendance. The Cotillion Club is exerting in its utmost able capacity to have this dance, as the event second only to finals, come off in that fine, smooth-running style typical of its productions. o
Cal Griffith, '32, S. M. A. Baseball Star, Crashes Thru
On College Diamond
Major Patch Reveals His Plans For Future
April
April April
April April April April April April May May- May May
Baseball Schedule
5—W. & L. Fresh 17— S. M. A. 4
8—Massanutten 3—S. M. A. 4 12—W. & L. Fresh 2
S. M. A. 0 15—Greenbrier there 19_Fork Union here 22— Woodberry Forest here 26—Fork Union there 27—Richmond Fresh .... there 29—Massanutten there 3_Fishburne there 6—Richmond Fresh here
10_Fishburne here 13—Va. Episcopal here
In the final eliminations held in the Dancing Room Wednesday, April 5, Ca- det Thompson was selected to represent the school in the public speaking con- test in Charlottesvillc, April 13 and 14. Entries in these eliminations were Voss, who spoke on "Duties of the Voter"; Casto, who spoke on "Technocracy and America"; and Thompson, whose sub- ject was "American Finance, Bast and Present."
Thompson hails from Cincinnati, Ohio, where he last year completed his high school training, continuing it with one year at Staunton. Despite the fact that his previous work as a public speak- er has been limited, it is felt that he shows particular promise of re-annex- ing the state championship trophy which was won for this school last year by Shapiro.
Work is continuing under Major Brice in preparation for the tournament in Charlottesvillc. Captain Bodic and Lieutenant Cooksey have agreed to help in the coaching work.
fudges in the eliminations were Major Wonson, Captain Bodie, and Lieutenant Cooksey.
Captain Frank Summers Is Given Managership
The announcement that Captain Frank Summers has been appointed the man- ager of the Waynesboro baseball chili of the Augusta County League, has stirred up a great deal of interest. This announcement was made by Newton C. Coiner, who is the president of the Waynesboro club.
Captain Summers was one of the mam cogs in Staunton's championship teain last year and it is believed that he will have the unanimous support from the local fans in placing a winning team in the field for Waynesboro this summer.
An organization of representative bus- iness men will be perfected to back Captain Summers in his efforts to place a crack baseball team in the league this year The team will start training as soon as possible after the business men have met.
Major Batch has been able to disclose the following bits of interesting infor- mation.
The proposed horseback trip, which was to have taken place this summer has fallen through on account of the lack of funds to organize and run such a trip.
From now on there will be a dress parade every Sunday afternoon, weather permitting.
It makes no difference whether or not [he Stale of Virginia will permit the Sale of Beer for S. M. A. cadets will not be allowed to imbibe.
The present out-of-door drill schedule will run on in effect until Government inspection. I luring inclement weather Military Science classes will be held and the year's class room work reviewed.
The program for finals has not yet been definitely decided upon but it is a positive fact that the commencement exercises will be held on Sunday, Mon- day, and Tuesday, May 28, 29, and 30. o ■
is Entertained By Stuart Hall Choir
The following story was clipped from the Washington Herald the other day and handed oxer to THE KABLEGRAM since it was quite evident that most of the corps would be interested.
"Calvin Griffith, adopted son of the owner of the Washington Baseball Club, basked in the spotlight yesterday morn- ing in the George Washington Inter- Fraternity League, hurling a no-hit, no- run game during abbreviated five in- nings, struck out ten men, and contribut- ed to hits, as his team, Acacia, defeated Delta Tan Delta, 3 to 0, at the Ellipse diamond.
Before entering G. W. Griffith, who is a freshman, starred at Staunton Military Academy, where be was outstanding in basketball and baseball.
It might also be added that last year Cal was the varsity catcher for S. M. A. as well as a star guard on the basket- ball team. This year it is reported that he is the varsity catcher for George Washington University in Washington, I). C, where he is a freshman. It is rather unusual for a freshman to make a varsity team but there are always some exceptions to the rule and Cal is certainly that in the field of baseball.
Kablegram "Hall of Fame" Ballot Discloses Identity of
Distinguished Personages
Interesting Revelations Are Made Concerning Su-
perlatives
DEL PRETE COPS HONORS WITH FOUR FIRST PLACES
The cadet Hall of Fame, sponsored by THE KABLEGRAM at the request of many cadets proved to be of interest to the corps. The whole idea was given splendid co-operation by all concerned. Out of two hundred and forty-three ballots cast, two hundred and thirty- three were on the "up and up." Tn fact the ballots were remarkably free from "smart-aleck" voting. In all, fifteen places were voted on. The results are highly interesting; some were close and some were walk aways. The compiling of all votes was a job in itself, and all ballots are on file for public perusal.
Dick Ackart was elected most bril- liant by a large majority, garnering 169 votes. DeVeer placed second with six votes, nosing out Seder, who placed third with five tallies.
Jerry Del Prete was conceded to be best athlete with 65 votes. Rodney Bell was second with i7, and Shukcr third with 21.
Ed Tenney was voted to be the most military, getting 55 votes. Tom Forbes ran a close second with 53, and Del Prete stood third with 24.
Reid Thomas was acknowledged most versatile, his 46 votes over balancing Del Prete's 22 and Red Morse's 12.
The race for best officer was won by one vote. Del Prete with 18 edging out Forbe's 17. Cole was next with 14 votes.
"Ned" Lee was acclaimed the best non-commissioned officer. "Chuck" Wolfe had 16 and Ashton 12 counts.
Cochrun carried off the title of big- gest clown with his 46 voles. Lanpher W'eston had 31, while Spanierman held 16.
Cochrun also carried away first hon- ors for the wittiest. The three places were Cochrun 31, Jim Reardon 15, and Williams 13.
Jerry Del Prete also won two places, his second being most popular. He had 42, Freddy Cramer had 32, and Forbes was given third place with 14.
The title of Biggest Social Hound was given to "Tommy" Forbes by reason of his 45 votes. Neligh came next with 19, and "Father" Haight with 17.
"Charlie" Fay took 35 votes to win Biggest Woman Hater. "Rod" Bell was voted 21 (alleys, and "Bowie" Hooper carried off 15 votes.
"King" Cole easily carried off the apellation of Handsomest, receiving 56
(Continued on Page Two) o
I. M. A. Baseball Team Defeated by W. & L. Frosh
Corps
The dancing room of Memorial Hall was filled nearly to capacity by cadets on Sunday night April 9 who were there for the purpose of bearing a concert given by the Stuart Hall Choir under the direction of Miss Constance Wardle.
The evening's program was opened by the singing of two songs by the entire assemblage. The program was then turned over to Miss Wardle by Cadet Voss, who made a short address of welcome. The program by Stuart Hall Choir consisted of two groups of three anthems by the choir, a violin solo, and
if the Stuart Hall a reading by Faculty.
The program was rather short but was entertaining to all who attended. o
very
Hot Company Efficiency Battle Nears Completion
The three companies composing S. M. A.'s Corps have to date been fighting for seven months for the title of "honor company." "A" Company now leads the field with a total average of 81.7240, while "B" and "C" companies are run- ning close for second place, their final average being 81.4878 and 81.3965 re- spectively. It will not be long before this year's company efficiency contest will be an item of history, so it will be a grand fight towards perfection from now on.
Four S. M. A. Cadets Win Expert Rifleman
Washington, 1). C, April 12.—Four cadets of the Staunton Military Academy Rifle club, Staunton, Va., have qualified as expert riflemen in the junior divisions of the National Rifle association, it was announced here today. The only grade higher than expert is distinguished rifle- man.
The boys who won their expert rat- ing are Charles Brooks, Robert E. Cole, P. L. Hooper, and J. Willard Smith.
So far this year 6,741 junior shooters have qualified in all grades of shooting proficiency from the beginning grade of pro-marksman to the top grade of dis- tinguished rifleman. Of this number only twenty-six have succeeded in at- taining the highest grade and eighty-nine in qualifying in the next highest grade, expert rifleman. o '
Deputation Team Gave Program at A. M. A.
■ The S. M. A. Deputation Team gave, on Sunday, April 2, a program before the Augusta Military Academy Cadet Corps-.
As Cadet Ackart, the team leader, was absent, Cadet Brickcn was put in charge of the program. The meeting was open- ed with a song by the assemblage, and the invocation by Captain Thomas. The program proper consisted of devotions led by Cadet Rcber, short addresses by Cadets Brickcn, Voss, Sloan, and Cook, and sacred and classical music by Ca- dets Stevens, Lindsey, DeVeer, Staff, and Painter. The second portion of the program, which followed immediately, was of a lighter nature, consisting of popular piano solos by Lindsey and songs by the Stunt Night Quartette.
S. M. A. went down again in the hands of the strong W. and L. Frosh team, but it was a different story this time. The boys played their best game of the season, and it was only an un- steady first inning that defeated them.
Smith allowed only a few hits in the game, most of these coining in the first inning. At this time, the Generals man- aged to pile up two runs, which gave them the game. S. M. A. has no errors, and this was somewdiat of a victory, considering the fact that W. and L. had two. Coach Howie commented that he was proud of his team and had no com- plaints.
First Classmen Plan Events for Class Day
In accordance with the plans of the Senior Class, the Senior Committee has decided upon the program for the Se- nior Class Day exercises, and the par- ticipants are now working on their re- spective shares of the activities. It has been deemed inadvisable to publish the program at this early date, but it is known that plans are materializing and definite steps are being made to put on a Class Day program.
Track Schedule
April 15—Triangular Meet at Woodberry
May 6—State Meet at Charlottesvillc
May 13—Carolina Meet at Chapel Hill
Tennis Schedule
April 8— Massanutten 0—S. M. A. 6 April 15—Woodberry Forest ...here April 29—Woodbcrn' Forest. . .there May 13—Massanutten there
THE KABLEGRAM
1 lie K^alblegraiML I'uhlished bi-weekly during the school year by
the cadets of Staunton Military
CAPT. \V. H. KAHLE 1837-1912 COL. W. G. KABLE 1872-1920
EDITORIAL STAFF EDWARD S. TENNEV
Editor-in-Chief KlCIIAHD J. ACKAKT
Assistant Editor-in-Chief KKNNKTU C. SLOAN News Editor C. WILLIAM COOK Sports Editor
REPORTERS CARL HANEK HARRY RAIDER LEONARD SEDER
TAMES COCIIRUN JAKE SLEVIN PARRIOTT
CONTRIBUTORS
Ti'PISTS SCIILEMMER FOCLER NELIGH
BUSINESS STAFF !. A. STEIMIENSON Circulation Manager
< I. 1'". DAI.TON Advertising Manager
MAILING CLERKS (i. 1J. HORGER, A. RAMIREZ, J. E. HEIZEK,
\V. ROKDA, R. W. SNYDEK
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Subscription price, $1.50 a year, in advance. Advertising rates upon application.
Acceptance for mailing at special rate of post- age provided for in section 1103. Act of
Oct. 3, 1917, authorized Oct. 18. 1924.
FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 1933
ALUMNI
John Carr, '31, from Providence, R. I., promises to pay the "Hill" a visit over the Easter holidays.
Warren Giles, '15, of the Syracuse Baseball Club, Syracuse, N. Y., recently made a visit to the "Hill."
Bill Stair, ex-'32, is now attending the York Collegiate Institute.
"Red" Squelch, '32, our 119 lb. boxing champ of 1932, will be on the "Hill" this week-end to see his old pals.
PERSONALS
Mrs. Charles B. Shaler, of 701 East End Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa., accom- panied by a friend of the family, re- cently visited her son, James B. Shaler. o
As It Were
FIVE YEARS AGO The track team was going hot. Wash-
ington and Lee Frosh and the V. M. I. rats fell before S. M. A. Grant, S. M. A., breezed the century in 9:3-S. Next the team overwhelmed Episcopal 91 2-3 to 25 1-3. S. M. A. took twelve out of thirteen first places.
The winner of the highest academic order for the third quarter attained an average of 97.1.
Our swimming team state champions, make a fine record garnering 265 points to an opponents 91.
Major Patch, P. M. S. & T., receives orders to go to the Army Staff School at Fort Leavenworth.
S. M. A. baseball nine shuts out the Washington and Lee Freshmen to a no hit no run game. S. M. A. makes eleven hits and nine runs.
TEN YEARS AGO The school is host to the State School
"Y" Conference. 17 colleges and prep schools send delegates.
Our bullet slingers take over Clayson Heights Military Academy 1714 to 633.
Playing to a packed house on both occasions the annual minstrel show is a huge success at the New Theatre.
At the Easter hop, the assemblage votes it to be a brilliant affair, equal to that of the preceding year when Paul Whiteman played here.
Loppacker '22, in writing back to the old school says: "Sometime I'm going to write an article for THE KABLEGRAM." (Editor's note. We're still waiting for it.)
THIRTEEN YEARS AGO Staunton sinks Bridgewater College
and The Miller School in baseball. The corps is to encamp at New Market
again for 11 days. It's to be named Camp Robert McGumn, in honor of Sgt. McGuffin, '16, who was killed in action in France.
S. M. A. wins highest honors at the first annual Catholic University carry- ing off 11 points to place first.
575 bayonets are on the way here from the Raritan arsenal.
Company D wins the series of inter- company rifle matches. o
A Scotchman found it necessary to notify his wife that he might not b; home that evening, in which case he would telephone her. This is what he told her:
"I'll ring you at six o'clock. When you hear the bell you'll know it's me. Don't answer it, and I'll get my nickel back."—Exchange.
How to Pitch a Tent Explained for Neophytes
For the convenience of the new cadets the intricacies of tent pitching, as de- scribed in the Infantry Drill Regula- tions, are hereby published.
"Being in line or in column of plat- oons, the captain commands: Form for Shelter Tents." The officers, first ser- geant, and guides fall out; the _ first sergeant and right guide fall in, form- ing the right file of the company. Blank files are filled by the file closers or by men taken from the front rank. The remaining guide, or guides, and file closers form on a convenient flank. Be- fore forming columns of platoons, pre- paratory to pitching tents, the com- pany may be redivided into two or more platoons, regardless of the size of each.
"The captain then causes the company to take intervals as described in the School of the Squad, and commands: Pitch Tents. At that command, each man steps off obliquely to the right with the right foot and lays his rifle on the ground, the butt of the rifle near the toe of the right foot, muzzle to the front, barrel to the left, and steps back into his place. Each front-rank man then draws his bayonet and sticks it in the ground by the outside of the right heel. (This last step and other proced- ures concerning the bayonet are abolish- ed at S. M. A. for obvious reasons.)
"Equipments are unslung, packs open- ed, shelter-half and pins removed. F.ach man then spreads his shelter-half, small triangle to the rear, flat upon the ground the tent is to occupy, the rear rank man's half on the right. The halves are then buttoned together; the guy loops at both ends of the lower half are passed through the button holes provided in the lower and upper halves. The whipped end of the guy rope is then passed through both guy loops and secured, this at both ends of the lent. Each front-rank man inserts the muzzle of his rifle under the front end of the ridge and holds the rifle upright, sling to the front, heel of the butt on the ground beside the bayonet. His rear- rank man pins down the front corners of the tent on the line of bayonets, stretching the tent taut. (A pole and tent pin replace the rifle and bayonet). He then inserts a pin in the eye of the front guy rope and drives the pin at such a distance in front of the rifle. Both men go to the rear of the tent, each pins down a corner, stretching the sides and rear of the tent before securing The rear-rank man then inserts an intrench- ing tool or a bayonet in its scabbard (pole) under the rear end of the ridge inside the tent, the front-rank man peg- ging down the end of the rear guy ropes. The rest of the pins are then driven by both men, the rear-rank man working on the right.
"As soon as the tent is pitched each man arranges his equipment and the contents of the pack and stands at at- tention in front of his own half on line with the front guy-rope pin.
"To Strike Shelter Tents, equipments are removed, the tents are lowered, packs made up, and equipments slung, and the men stand at attention in the places originally occupied after taking inter- vals."
NOTE : This order was published in 1918, before the tent poles were regular pieces of equipment.
Who's Who in Academyville
BEST OFFICER Best Officer, Best Athlete, Most Pop-
ular, and Done Most for S. M. A.: Now then here is a man. It's Jerry Del
Prete to you and others of your ilk. Jerry is one of our older residents as regards length of service, being one of our five year men. He has held every rank from private up till his present rank of Cadet Major. Besides his mil- itary accomplishments Jerry has won major letters in boxing, basketball, and baseball. He also plays company foot- ball. Besides being chairman of the honor committee he heads the cotillion club, and Officers' Club. Is there noth- ing that this fellow can't do you ask; and we reply. Yes, he can't whistle through his teeth, nor can he make an enemy. He is deeply in love and has eyes for but one young lady only. Jerry is always ready to help anyone in need and is certainly a four square all round fellow.
"HALL OF FAME'
(Continued From Page One)
voles. Jones had 28, and "Wedge" Irwin had 21.
The race for Special Order King was a close one. Wood of course placed firs! with 36 votes, Herbert had 31, thereby placing ahead of Borda who had but 30.
"Casey" Sloan made off with Best Rat honors with 59 votes. Shukar was sec- ond with 25, and Bricken was last with 19.
Jerry Del Prete won his third niche in the Hall of Fame by being placed first in Done Most for S. M. A. Voss's 17 votes put him second, and Freddy Cramer had 15.
Some of the results were unexpected ; others could have been picked before the start. In voting for one or two niches the votes were confined to a mere hand full, while in other titles those who counted the votes felt that everyone in the corps had at least one vote. The three men getting the highest number of votes in each case have been pub- lished ; and beginning in this issue and continuing in the next two, the men elected to these positions will be given write-ups concerning their S. M. A. careers.
HIS ASSIGNMENT "I have a job for you, Mr. Graftik,"
said the editor to the new reporter. "Are you married?"
"No, sir." "I thought not. Get married instantly,
and let me have three columns by ten o'clock on how to manage a wife."
—Pearson's Weekly.
MOST BRILLIANT Dick Ackart entered these cold gray
walls as a rat last year. This proud young scion of Wilmington, Delaware, immediately began to acquire "90" pins with an ease that infuriated us unfor- tunates. This habit of his has been antc-ed till now he accepts nothing less than the Highest Order pin. Yes, our Hick's star is in its ascendency. His sleeves bear the weight of corporal's chevrons. Among other ol his accom- plishments are manager of football, as- sistant editor-in-chief of THE KAIII.E- GRAM, and swimming team. He also has a ninety-nine year lease on the guard house telephone, and he hasn't missed a night in calling up Mary Baldwin Col lege since September.
Its a far cry from the Ackart who emerged from the barren steppes of Lei- aware to the finished, polished cadet of today. Jenks has that savoire faire that ensnares the ladies in droves. Home ! Jenks.
BIGGEST CLOWN James Lee Cochrun voted by the corps
to be the wittiest and the biggest clown. Some of his clowning forced one officer and four non-coms to join starvation row. His wit is keen and ever ready, and in a duel of wits he can usually turn the tables on you. He's a senior without the accepted amount of first class dignity. "Jock" is most accom- modating and will give you the shirt off bis back (when he wears one). His room is the gathering spot lor (hose who want to be amused; and he can do it. Everybody likes him, and without doubt the whole corps is his friend. He hails from Ackron, Ohio, and claims to be a big rubber magnate. "Micky" reg- ularly is taken "over the hurdles" in chemistry each day, and is an ardent supporter of Capt. Moody's black mark- system. Yowsah !
BIGGEST WOMAN HATER "Charlie" Fay, Kable Hall's own. Fay
comes from Rhode Island, and how glad we are that he came here. "Charlie" you're the goods. This fellow has his varsity S in football for two years rim- ing. Outside of his dislike for women he is normal, as a rule. He plays a great game of bridge when he holds the cards, which is seldom. He's a great baseball fan and attends all the games. Also he umpires the practice games during the week, and takes great delight in yelling "yer out" to the faculty who play with the scrubs. He put on a great show in his bout at the inter- company fights, proving that he can take it. He smokes a pipe that is "bouse broken," and is a menace to any- one's supply of matches. "Charlie" is a good egg and has a stout heart beat- ing under that matted barrel-like chest.
BEST RAT Kenneth C. Sloan, better know as
"Casey." Casey is a rat, but a good one. In fact he was voted to be the best of his kind. "Casey" also dallies with 90 pins and is news editor of this paper. He is reputed to be a golfer of some ability and, when he plays his bosom friend for a pack of cigarettes a hole, always manages to nick said friend for plenty. Ken claims Pitts- burgh as his residence, but does Pitts- burgh reciprocate? We don't know. He is a witty fellow, but his native humor is usually unappreciated because it takes brains to see through it. Casey, as far as we can ascertain, has no local love life, but is not immune to the message in any roguish feminine eyes. He was voted Best Rat because of his knowing his place as a rat, and ready obedience to rat regulations. Courteous, and respectful at all times he is the dream of every company commander, all of whom wish all their recruits were more like him.
"How's your car running?" "Not so good. Can't get her throttled
down." "How's your wife?" "She's the same, thank you." —Exchange.
ALO LABORATORIES 242 GLENWOOD AVENUE
BLOOMFIELD. N. J. April 4, 1933
THE KAHLEGRAM Staunton, Va. Officers:
Enclosed please find check to the amount of $1.50 covering my subscrip- tion for the year of 1933.
We fellows who have been away from the old school for some time, for some reason or other gradually forget the good times we had and the various fel- lows with whom we spent them. I am one of those fellows and for that reas- on subscribed to the paper this past year. I had hoped to find a great many things in it that I could by closing my eyes, recall or rather re-picture some of the things I did or that Eddie Fell, Harges- heimer, Cannuck Townsend, and a host of others did. For some unknown reas- on the cycle of events doesn't seem to parallel or else the news has been cen- sored and we don't get it. I don't want you fellows to feel that some old crab of an old boy is griping again and that the old bird probably didn't do anything but bone while he was in school and now wants to be crabby again. No, that isn't the idea at all. I suppose I am chasing a rainbow but there doesn't seem to be very much about the older alumni in your paper.
I have this months sheet before me now and I find but one name mentioned of a class before '26. 1 am in contact with a great many fellows from classes before '26 and I have heard several fellows say that the paper is all right if you are from the later classes but not for we old fellows. I believe that to be true because I have yet to see news about the class of '22 except in the President's Bulletin. I believe the paper would have a greater sales value among the Alumni if there were more printed about them.
1 for one enjoy the paper very much and will be one of the first to take it for the coming year.
Remember me to those Profs that were there in school when S. M. A. took over A. M A. on the last football game at A. M. A.
Sincerely. (Signed) E. P. LOPPACKER, '22.
Dimpled Darlings Double Deal Credulous Cadets
Once upon a time three cadets called on two young ladies. Now as there was a preponderance of males another young lady was desired. The problem was easily solved. One of the afore men- tioned girls went to the foot of the front steps and called for Elaine. In answer, a demure dream of a girl float- ed down and entered the living room. Our three friends rubbed their eyes and each in his heart secretly laid plans as to how he would win this fair maiden. Elaine became the life of the party con- stantly attended by all three gallant ca- dets. These boys were lacking in know- ledge of feminine psychology for they did not notice how gracefully the other two girls took their abandonment. In fact they were quite amused at the perfidy of our three males. Had one of the lads been more observant on this point—but let us proceed.
Each tried to make a dale with this blonde vision and the triumvirate of fast friends threatened to split jealous from anger. How these boys now blush as they fervently recall the sweet noth- ings they breathed in her ears (they should.)
As time wore on the engaging little minx waxed coy with her trio of swains. She wiggled about and swept gaily about the room to her eternal ruin. Our com- rades stared with horrified gaze at the lovely golden locks of the lady now cocked over one big brown eye. One of them slowly advanced, drawn for- ward by the horror of it and grasped a silken curl of her hair and pulled gently. It came away in his hand. Oh the shame of it all! There before him stood a young boy dressed in feminine fripper- ies. Instantly there flashed through three dazed minds attempts for dates, sweet nothings, breathed into shell pink ears, and worst of all the presence of two neglected girls. In vain did they attempt to placate these girls, but swept before the girls anger ihe boys retreated from the room. Long before they got back to the barracks they swore eternal silence on the whole matter. Murder will out, however, and this Kable hall trio stands exposed by the relentless finger of THE KAHLEGRAM. o
Rat: "Do you know that Ladner, A. H., is the greatest soup eater at S. M. A.?"
Old Boy: "Why, how's that?" Rat: "Well, I've seen soup siphoned
and gargled, hut he's the first one I ever saw who yodeled it."—Selected.
B-R-A-Y-S BY THE JUG HEAD
Major Patch's Supper Club, or if you will, "Starvation Row," had an influx of new members last week. My, my, did you see all the stripes. It seems that some of the boys attended Saturday noon mess with Cochrun—etc. Moral: Live and Learn—don't dine with Mickey.
Surmizes: Tenney shining brass fau- cets in the Physics Lab—Wood with an afternoon to himself—Fay getting a de- cent hand in bridge—Smith, A. A., a ninety pin man—that blind date for Eas- ter hop—Newt McFayden hack once again—the demolition of East barracks —Wednesday's drill—fair weather last Saturday—Wolfe's furlough.
Stuart Hall: Pleasant visit here was cause for much rejoicing in many quar- ters. One of the boys was quite over- come by it. His comrades suffered in silence, his babbling for a while, then sternly took him in hand. The story goes that it was the first time in eight months.
Strolled into a local sweet shop the other night and was completely startled on discovering a cadet and a young lady in a most unconventional pose in a cosey corner booth. The light was dim and a radio crooned seductively. I hur- ried back to see if she had a friend, for at that distance she looked to be a peach. As I drew near I noticed she had a fixed expression in her eyes. More still, across her slim cardboard waist was a coca- cola sign. Yes, spring does some hor- rible things to some boys.
THE KAHLEGRAM staff begs to apolo- gize to Cadet Private J. Frederick Tag- gart for not having a "Best Mexican Athlete" item on its "Hall of Fame" ballot. But, you see, it was really a stu- pendous task to count and tabulate the results of the vote as was, and, in this case, where foregone conclusions were so positive in respect to the outcome, it was not at all necessary. The Senator" (fanfare) a "La Paloma."
Air. Loppacker has the right idea, but you fellows who have been out a long time must remember you are rather out of touch with us. We're eager to know what you're doing, so drop us a line, telling what you know and THE KABLE- GRAM will do the rest.
CRITICISM OF KABLEGRAM
(Continued From Page One)
The Jug Head writes a type of Walter \\ inchell column.
The column, "Kablc's Korrespondcncc Kourse," was the object of a close vote. While some thought it boring and gen- erally silly, others liked it and thought it humorous and enjoyable. Of those interviewed on the subject, the ones in favor of its being continued barely nosed out those who wished to have this bit of humor removed.
"Strange Justice," the KABLEGRAM'S lone attempt at a fiction story, was read and liked by a few, but voted "not so good" by a large majority. The story's lack of popularity seemed to lie in the fact that most of our gentle readers never bothered to read it.
"As it Were" brings back many mem- ories to the faculty and employees and informs the cadets comprising the pres- ent Corps of the many truly interesting events which took place on the "Hill" years ago.
A suggestion made by one of the first cadets interviewed, and one that was applauded by the remainder, was that THE KABLEGRAM run a "Hall of Fame" contest for the whole Corps and faculty, and then publish the results. It has been the custom of The Shrapnel in previous years to run a feature of this type, but in view of the fact that the honored personages are only members of the Senior Class, it was thought appropriate that THE KABLEGRAM should conduct a contest which would take in the whole corps.
Jake Slevin's sports column, "In the Champ's Corner" seems to have been a favorite with all the KABLEGRAM'S read- ers. It is suggested that the above mentioned worthy columnist write the same type of article under the head "Behind the Bat" or "At the Plate."
Statistics show that the column "Who's Who in Academyville," which ran last year, needs to be rccontinued. Many KABLEGRAM readers miss these write-ups about prominent "Hill-top" in- habitants.
The staff wishes to thank all the con- tributors to this article, and expresses its hope that many more such criticisms shall be turned in. o ■
"Did you know that a Chinese baby was named Lindbergh?"
"No." "Yes, indeed; 'One Long Hop.' "
Exchange.
No man can be too serious about his work.
—Judge Homer Ferguson.
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SMITH SMART SHOES
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South Augusta Street—S. M. A. HEADQUARTERS
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MANHATTAN SHIRTS
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n.
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35
1. 2. 3.
1. 2. 3.
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THE KABLEGRAM
Company Track Meet is Won by "A" Co. With a
Sura of Forty-two Pts.
The track squad, after several weeks of intense training, has proven itself worthy to represent S. M. A. by its showing in the company track meet. Letter men from last year were not al- lowed to compete, but even without them a fine showing was made. .Many men previously unheard of made a mark for themselves by beating out veterans. Joe McGrael, Donovan, Salassa, and Day, fresh from boxing, scored points for their respective companies because of their fine condition. Jack Earle, re- puted to be a runner, showed up well in the shot put, javelin throw, and discus throw, while Zelonis was exactly the opposite. "A" company carried off the honors with a total of 42 points, while "B" and "C" followed with 32 and 26 points respectively.
The results were as follows: PI. Name Co. Pts. Time
100-YARD DASH 1. Earle A 5 10.2" 2. Forbes B 3 3. Zelonis C 1
220-YARD DASH 1. Forbes B 5 25. 2. Earle A 3 3. DeLiberty ....B 1
440-YARD DASH 1. Earle A 5 56.2" 2. Irvin B 3 3. McGrael C 1
880-YARD 1. Binder A 5 2'21" 2. Alton B 3 3. Cook B 1
MILE 1. Barlowe A 5 5'11.3" 2. Binder A 3 3. McGrael C 1
TOTALS ABC 42 32 26
JAVELIN PI. Name Co. Pts. Distance 1. Zelonis C 145.3" 2. Earle A 3 3. Ramirez B 1
DISCUS 1. Sypherd B 5 2. DeLiberty ...B 3 3. Ramirez B 1
POLE VAULT 1. Salassa C 5 8'5" 2. Ramirez B 3
Day C 1 33
Brooks A 1 HIGH JUMP
1. Smith, R. ...A 5 5'1" 2. Irvin B 3 3.
BROAD JUMP 1. Zelonis C 5 17'9" 2. Salassa C 3 3. Donovan ... .A 1
SHOT PUT 1. Earle A 5 41'1.5" 2. Zelonis C 3 3. Donovan .... A 1
Baseball Team Drops Opener to W. & L. Frosh
The opener of Staunton's baseball season proved a 15 to 4 defeat in the hands of the W. & L. Frosh. As it was the first game of the season the lads were rather on edge and the defeat was by no means due to the inability of the squad.
At the end of the first inning S. M. A. was leading 2 to 1 but a stiff rally on the part of W. & L. and errors by the Gold team gave the generals 4 runs in the second. The game went along without further score until W. & L. scored six runs in the sixth. Staunton tallied two in the eighth while their opponents piled up four more before the game ended. Smith started for Staunton and was re- lieved by McFayden and Hartenstein. These substitutions in the pitching staff were simply made to test the strength of it and all boys showed up very well. Grayson pitched a fine game for W. & L.
Line-up: W. & L.
R H E Staepling, c 3 3 0 Mattox, lb 4 2 1 Pullen, 2b 1 1 0 Pette, ss 1 1 1 Reiger, 3b 1 1 0 Stephenson, rf 0 2 0 Howerton, cf 3 2 0 Wright, If 2 1 0 Grayson, p 1 2 0
Total 17 15 2 S. M. A.
R H E Painter, c 0 0 0 Thomas, lb 0 0 1 Del Prete 2b 1 0 2 Shields, ss 0 0 0 Morse, 3b 0 0 2 Bell, rf 0 2 0 McFayden, R., cf 0 0 0 Schenk, If 0 0 1 Smith, p 2 2 0 Cranor, 2b 1 1 0
Total 4 5 6 Substitutions: S. M. A.: Rainey,
Hartenstein, Cranor. W. L. L.: Robertson.
Tennis Team Opens Season With Victory
April 7 opened the S. M. A. 1933 ten- nis season. It was literally opened with a bang when the Golden netters drove the Massanuttcn netters from the courts with a six to nothing defeat at their heals.
Despite the cold brisk wind that car- ried many balls away from their des- tinations the Blue and Gold racket wielders displayed as good form as pos- sible under the conditions and the final outcome was never in doubt.
dejesus and Staff, of S. M. A., were outstanding, yielding no games to their opponents and playing almost faultless ball.
dejesus, playing No. 1 man for Staun- ton defeated Ruttenbcrg in straight sets, 6-0, 6-0. The Massanutten boy, while putting up a good battle could not com- pete with dejesus' steady play. Re- peatedly he was drawn out of position and then the ball would be driven where he wasn't.
Staff, one of last year's veterans and playing No. 2, experienced little or no difficulty in handing Massanutten its second love set defeat. With a back- hand stroke almost as fast as his fore- hand drive, Ed was seldom in any dis- tress when he needed a point.
The third S. M. A. victory came when Voss defeated Atchison 7-5, 6-0. In the first set Jimmie had a great deal of difficulty in placing his service over the net but during the next set the wind died down and he was smashing out aces as is evidenced by the score of the final set.
Stephens, the third veteran from last year, submerged Mills by the score of 6-0, 6-2. Mills was no match for the hard play of Stephens and after two games in the first set he was never with- in striking distance of the Blue and Gold racketeers again.
The longest and hardest fought match of the entire meet was played between Mills and Bliss which the former won in three sets after dropping the first. The scores were 4-6, 13-11, 7-5. Mill's playing was erratic in the first set but in the second set he seemed to rouse himself from his lethargy and ran the second set extremely high before win- ning. The third set however, he cut short and won the match.
In the last match of the day dejesus and Staff paired up to lose the only game during the matches. They defeat- ed Bliss and Dunstan 6-0, 6-1. Both boys co-operated nicely and formed a very smooth running doubles team.
Although the Massanutten meet was a success from the standard viewpoint it was a little disappointing in that none of the players could open up and display- all of their form. In the Woodberry meet tomorrow however it is hoped that the weather conditions will be more fav- orable. o
Golf Team is Organized
Kable Nine Takes Good Game From Massanutten
Under the direction of Cadets Eubank, G., and Fogler, a golf team has again been organized with the following erst- while club swingers trying out: Ten- ney, Sloan, Taggart, Fogler, Eubank, G Connor, Hall, Woods, and Weston, L. C.
Every day these boys can be seen "teeing off" to take a round on S. M. A.'s golf course that spreads about Fchol's Field. Although no meets have been scheduled, Capt. Summers has stat- ed that an elimination contest will lie run off among the above named players and the best two will be sent to the tournament to be held at Woodberry Forest. The date of the tournament is not known at present but will be pub- lished in THE KAM.EGRAM at a later date.
Staunton rallied after losing its first game by defeating one of its better rivals, Massanutten, 4 to 3. The boys showed plenty of snap and played heads up baseball during the entire game.
S. M. A. scored one run in the first and repeated in the fourth. Massanut- tcn took the lead in the sixth when they scored three runs. The contest was now bitter and intense, both pitchers doing their best and both teams backing them right up.
Staunton came through when Bell hit out a long drive between center and right field with two men on. The two men scored but Bell, trying to stretch his hit into a homer was tagged out at the plate. Massanutten went scoreless in the ninth and the game ended with the Gold team on top by one run.
Line-up: MASSANUTTEN
R H E Ring, e 0 1 0 Johnson, lb 1 1 1 Brindle, 2b 1 2 0 Abbott, ss 0 0 0 Ramsey, 3b (I 0 0 Hay, rf 0 1 0 Dawe, cf 0 0 0 Fawcett, If 1 1 0 Keyser, p 0 0 0
Total 3 (> 1 S. M. A.
R H E Painter, c 0 0 0 Thomas, lb 0 0 1 Del Prete, 2b 0 0 0 Shields, ss 1 0 1 Morse, 3b 0 0 1 Bell, rf 1 2 0 Rainey, cf 1 0 Schenck, If 0 1 0 Smith, N. S., p 1 3 0
Total 4 7 3 Substitutions: S. M. A.. Cranor; M.
M. A., none. o
The Employee: "1 came to ask if you could raise my salary."
The Boss : "This isn't pay day." The Employee : "I know that, but 1
thought I would speak about it today." The Boss: "Go back to work and
don't worry. I've managed to raise it every week so far, haven't I ?"
WE GO EVERYWHERE Telephone 730 to the
JONES TAXI SERVICE J. EARL JONES, Proprietor
Five and Seven Passenger Closed Cars —Service Day and Night—
14 N. New Street—Staunton, Va.
BUY YOUR FILMS HERE
and liave tliem developed
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KENNEDY & ELLINGER S. M. A. HANGOUT
UNIFORMS SUPPLIES PRESENTATION SABRES
and all equipment
WILLIAM C. ROWLAND, INC. 1024 Race Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania UNIFORMERS OF S. M. A.
ALIBI IKE "Mamma, what is a 'Second-Story
Man'?" Mrs. Joe Bungstarter: "Your father's
one. If I don't believe his first story, he always has another one ready."
—Los Angeles Record.
GREEN FROG GRILL A CLEAN, COMFORTABLE
PLACE TO DINE
Excellent Meals and Short Orders
14 N. Central Ave., Staunton, Va.
WRIGHT'S
Books and Gifts
SAMUEL B. WRIGHT
FACULTY MEMBERS
We Sell an Excellent All Risk Policy on Clothing and Furniture
Call Us—Phone 666
W. J. Perry Corporation
WOODBRIER COFFEE SHOPPE
Under New Management
Open 7:00 a. m. to 8:00 p. m.
Opposite New Theatre Tel. 827
Staunton :: Virginia
E A R M A N'S
DRUG STORE
Welcome S. M. A. Cadets
NEW STAUNTON
RESTAURANT
Seven South Augusta Street
The Bull Pen
By JAKE SLEVIN
Oh well, W. & L. is a college, and besides, we really looked good in the second game; so the baseball squad de- serves plenty of credit.
That opener didn't look so hot, though, from the way the boys piled up the errors. It looked more like a game of marbles!
But how they went against Massa- nutten and in the return game with W. & L. they looked like a bunch of "pros" and would have given the Yankees a good game.
Davej' Shields still doesn't know how he caught that fly against Massanutten. He just closed his eyes, stuck out his glove, and "flop" the ball landed in it.
Bell brought cheers from the bleachers at W. & L. The field had no less than three inches of water over it, and he slipped back twice as far as he ran for- ward, but he managed to snare a good old "shoestring," and just smiled modest- ly at the applause.
Smith don't go by the rules. Pitchers aren't supposed to hit according to them, but there's an exception to every rule, and he's a pleasant exception.
"Battler" Rainey made his debut against Massanutten. But be isn't the "battler" any more—just the "home run king."
When Schenk gets on his horse, they don't need any other fielders. He really gets 'em.
1 hear that Cal Griffith, of last year's team, pitched a no hit, no run sand lot game the other day. It wouldn't do us a bit of harm to have him back!
The corps made about as much noise in the opener as the Stuart Hall choir. Now, now, boys, you wouldn't want them to come to the games—to help you cheer!
Sporting Goods for all Sports
SODA AND LUNCHEONETTE SERVICE
STAUNTON SPORT SHOP Opposite Y. M. C. A.
THOS. HOGSHEAD, INC.
THE CUT RATE DRUG STORE
ON THE COUNEH
TOM'S
BARBER SHOP South New Street
Cadets Always Welcome
NEAK STRAND THEATRE
1'HK THKATItE OF THE STARS"
-NOW SHOWING (Fri. and Sat.) — LEG TRACY
"PRIVATE JONES"
Moil., Tues., Wed., April 17, 18, l» WALTER HUSTON
"GABRIEL OVER THE WHITE HOUSE"
Thurs., Fri., Sat., April 20, 21, 22 RICHARD BARTHELMESS
"CENTRAL, AIRPORT"
Mon., Tues., Wed., April 24, 25, 26 JOAN CRAWFORD, GARY COOPER
"TODAY WE LIVE"
Thorn., Fri., Sat., April 27, 28, 2H The Most Thrilling Picture of
the Year "KING KONG"
WAtVNEK. OaOS.
SI KANE) A GOOD SHOW ALL WAYS
—NOW SHOWING- CAROLE LOMBARD, JACK OAKIE
"FROM HELL TO HEAVEN"
Suturdav, April 15 JOHN WAYNE
"TELEGRAPH TRAIL" Also Chaptef One of
'THE WHISPERING SHADOW
Thursday. Friday, April 20, 21 FREDERIC MARCH
CLAUDETTE COLBERT "TONIGHT IS OURS"
Saturday, April 22 TOM KEENE
'•RENEGADES OF THE WEST"
Thursday, Friday, April 27, 28 LEE TRACY
"CLEAR ALL WIRES"
BUY YOUR
KODAK FILMS Here and Have Them
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We Cash S. M. A. Checks We Appreciate the Patronage From the Faculty and Cadets of S. M. A.
MAKE
Walter's Drug Store YOUR HEADQUARTERS
Motorcycle Delivery Service
WE TELEGRAPH
EASTER FLOWERS
ANYWHERE
HAMRICK&C0. FLORISTS
18 West Frederick Street
ARCADIA RESTAURANT THE PLACE TO EAT AND RECREATE
LUNCHEONETTE
SODA
BILLIARDS
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DROP IN FOR AN IDLE HALF HOUR
CUT PRICES ON DRUGS AND TOILET ARTICLES
WILLSON BROTHERS DRUGGISTS
If You Need Service While Down Town Call On Us
THE PLACE WHERE WE ALL MEET
VAMES SWEET SHOPPE
Candies Lunches Refreshments
■■■Mm
THE KABLEGRAM
AUTHORIZED CLEANERS
For S. M. A.
WOODWARD'S CLEANING AND DYEING WORKS
AUTHORIZED CLEANERS
For S. M. A.
S. M. A. HASH A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING
TONY THE JUNER Formerly
Tony the Mice and Tony the Sofamore "Rokku buy moon in da tree top,"
Cast shadows on Rcbck's face. She is my dear lectla tuchmenot,
All sqeezed ///> in my Mbrace; She is my ou'ii lectla (jirly,
I watch her both nitc and day; If Bcrtelli comes near— I'll run him from here!
Back to dear S. M. A.! Deer bruther: Gosha darn 1 liefer didn't
laff so mutch in all my Xist. Capt. Gottchalk and Luten Cooky borry Capt. Gold's bran new car at past-half twelve mid-nite on April fool day for K° to Tony Senell restarant Retta some hott dogs and after they feenish eat they K'O for spin in countrysides to enjoy da moon- lite ride and when they are 6 or 9 mile out gas-wagon she stop an' when teechers fine out they outa gas Luten Cooky go to farm house knok at front dore. Farm man poke head out upstares window say: "What JTU want?" Mr. Cooky say: "We weesh for buy galon gasline." Farm man say: "Git off my premis, I hear that hold up fra.se before, take 'em Towser!" I)a dog fale to catch up weeth Luten Cooky and two bad sad teechers gotta walk back to Sma and they weesh for April fool Capt. Gold, so they go to hees room say: "Capt. Gold, we Xtremely sorryfied to tell you but we hitta telegraf pole wrek your bran new car, we beg your Xcuse!" Mr. Gold say: "Da April fool are on you skallywags, I draw da gasline out before you start, it in that can."
After Mr. Gold feenish tell me da above story I ask heem what da word ADIOS meen and he say: "Adios mean goodaby when a Mexiko man are talk to hees Rebek, awrcvore mean sama theeng in France tongue, you study England, you not half thru that yet." 1 tell heem "I three-forts thru," ain't I been here three year." He not answer.
Majer Sutherrield see me rub medisen on my upstares lip, he say: "Tony, what you do?" I say: "I put hare-grow on my lip try maka mustash come out." Luten Sutlierneld say: "I surprise at you, I got no fathe in patent hare growers!" Then he pore some of da stuff in hees hand walk way, I not know if he put it on his hare or not.
Majer Dug were sing my parod on "99 Yrs. are Mity Long Time," and when Mr. Dug feenish Capt. Mude say: "Tony, da name of da song is not '99 years,' it's '21 years' wheech are long enuff." Then Mr. Dug getta red fase say: "You are speek about jale terms?" Capt. Mude grin say: "Sure!"—Tony.
BIRTH OF A BEAUTIFUL EPIDEMIC
Mother: "Did I see you kissing that young Allen last night?"
Beryl: "Well, Mother, he told me he had just lost an uncle and I felt so sorry for him."
Mother: "If I know anything about that young man he won't have a relative left in a week's time!"
—Philadelphia Star.
'Beat Hounds" Organize New Literary Society
At last the Woodrow Wilson Literary Society has opposition. As many of the boys have been uselessly and uncon- sciously pursuing a field of literature, they have banded together to form an organization which has become quite popular. Each Friday evening, Satur- day and Sunday afternoon, a chosen and most distinguished group of frolicksome cadets gather together in the study hall for the sole purpose of writing themes of no less than 1,000 words.
Officers have been elected as follows: Woods, president; Williams, vice-presi- dent ; Vizzard, secretary; Spanierman, treasurer; Parsons, pencil sharpener.
A newly elected member is Adams. Many enjoyable hours are spent by the
members of this society. Mr. Williams sells candy for twice its price and tells many interesting sport stories. Wood's tales of beer gardens do much to create thirst, while Spanierman holds them glued to their seats with his thrilling- adventurous narratives of the side-walks of "New York."
JUST DUGAN'S THAT'S ALL BUT THE BEST PLACE TO EAT
GOOD FOOD GOOD SERVICE
21 North Augusta Street Staunton, Virginia
Phone 1332
ROSEMARY TEA SHOP Cor. Augusta and Frederick Streets
Opposite Y. M. C. A., Staunton, Va LUNCHEON, AFTERNOON TEA
DINNER Special Hot Lunch 12 to 2 P. M.
65 cents Dinner 5 :30 to 7:30 Telephone 590
GIFTS NOVELTIES
READING LESSON
Who is this? This is Harry, a Staunton taxi-driver. What is Harry doing? Harry is doing 60 miles an hour. What is the speed limit? The speed limit is 30. Then why is Harry doing 60? For a Staunton taxi-driver to do any
less would be a violation of cab-driving ethics.
Isn't it dangerous to operate a car like that?
Extremely. Doesn't it cause accidents? Certainly. Does he ever get arrested Never. How does he get away with it? Search us.
ABRIDGED DICTIONARY Yowsah—The reasons for 95 per cent
of Capt. Moody's black marks. Economy—An old fashioned practice
once again in good standing with the ca- dets.
Exams—(Why bring that Up?) Parades—(See exams.) Optimist—An obsolete senior.
STUDIES IN NATURAL HISTORY —THE GOLDFISH
1. The goldfish is a type of fish that spends its life in jail.
2. It swims in circles and likes it. 3. It is very sedentary. 4. While other fish spend their time
looking at various marine life, the gold- fish goes through life staring at electric pianos, oriental rugs, lamps, ash-trays, card tables, and funny looking wall- paper.
5. A goldfish can be raised from in- fancy by the kindliest people, but when it"is moved into a new home, it makes no complaints and apepars to be per- fectly satisfied.
6. You never hear of goldfish going without food for days and pining away because its owner has abandoned it.
7. It is sensitive to drafts and should never be left between two open windows when its water is being changed.
8. Its life is a rather short one, and it ultimately succumbs to pneumonia or extreme dizziness.
9. This can be avoided, sometimes, by keeping it in a srpiare jar. o
First: "If you were in doubt about kissing a girl, what would you do?"
Second: "I don't know. What would you do?"
first: "Give her the benefit of the doubt."—Selected.
MAPLE LODGE Large, Bright, and Warm Rooms
All Modern Conveniences MEALS SERVED
Phone 333-W North Augusta Si. Staunton, Virginia
MRS. M. L. COONS
COHEN'S RESTAURANT Established Since 1897
CATERING TO PARTIES OUR SPECIALTY
Service as Von Like It Phone 119 Staunton, Va.
BEVERLEY CIGAR STORE
Cigarettes
Magazines
Senior Writeups
"GIANT JAKE" SLEVJN "Jake's" only fault is his coo-bird.
"And she loves me." What's his power over women? "I'm tough, but that's just my way; I don't mean it," states Julian B. "My babe just wrote me a thirty-five page letter, and she called me up last night." And to think that he ex- pects us to believe all that. "Giant Jake's" greatest ambition is to get mar- ried and have thirteen kids.
"TENNESSEE TOMMY" THOMAS Thomas is a baseballcr. It is rumored
that he hit a foul once. "Tommy-lad" likes to go on duty. In fact, it is his favorite pastime. The fair ladies see him on the asphalt with a red sash draped so gracefully about his god-like body. "The tinkling of the saber makes me feel young again," dreamingly whis- pers Tennessee's favorite son. Reid's one misgiving, for which we all express our most profound sympathy, is Munsie.
"CRISCO" GULBRANDSEN "Gooby" the lover. He is an expert
letter-writer—so he says. He writes to a certain girl and discovers she isn't the girl—how terrible. He's a Trig shark, so he is. His favorite diversion is talk- ing— but (so sad) he never—never thinks. He hates to have people stick their fingers in his eyes and expresses his displeasure by making the cutest faces, "crisco" will go far in the world —if he don't have to walk.
"DIMPLE" "DOC" SALASSA Did you ever in all your life see such
fascinating dimples? To think that such a little fellow could be able to play such marvelous football and, at the same time, have such a head for chemistry! It's a shame that he doesn't bestow his amorous affections on some lovely belle of this town, but, as is the way with Doc and the really good boys, he keeps very much to himself, and is admired
D. L. SWITZER A COMPLETE LINE OF S. M. A.
JEWELRY AND NOVELTIES
Staunton :: :: Virginia
(MRS.) D. L. SWITZER
Clothes Individually Tailored Lets Dress You Stylishly
N. W. BROOKS MERCHANT TAILOR
103 East Beverley
MATTHEWS & FAUVER
HABERDASHERS
AND SPORTS WEAR
27 E. Beverley St. Staunton, Va.
for it. (He rooms with Fay and still doesn't criticize.)
"TOOTS" "ELVIN" LAKE What would Airs. Hills do without
cadets such as Lake to attract the girls to Stuart Hall? Or does he? Every Friday night finds "Toots" going down to Stuart Halt. It is rumored that the only reason that he graces the Hall with his presence is because he has had a date with every girl in town and has found them wanting (love, dance dates, and candy).
BEAR BOOK COMPANY S. M. A. Stationery and
Jewelry Greeting Cards
Lending Library Pennants Gifts
29 East Main Street
rH BEARf BOOK] i
I CO (TMJNTON
THE PALACE
Billiards and Bowling
—North Central Avenue—
CRUMMETT and LOCKRIDGE
Barbers
OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS
SOUTH NEW STREET
Lovett Bros.
o—o
X-RAY SHOE FITTERS
o—o
16 West Beverley Street
AT THE BOTTOM OE
"Old Boy's Run"
THE TOASTY SHOPPE DROP IN FOR WHAT YOU
NEED—WE HAVE IT !
CHILTON HALL Miss JEAN B. MACGOWAN
formerly of Breezy Hill Inn Attractive, Well Heated Rooms
DELICIOUS MEALS LUNCH AND DINNER on advance reservation
—Phone 363—
BRYAN'S INC. 28 North Central Avenue
LATEST RELEASES OF
BRUNSWICK AND COLUMBIA RECORDS Phone 469
The HOGE-BERKELEY STUDIO
—Makers of Fine Photographs—
Official Photographer for S. M. A. and Blue and Cold, 1931
22 East Main Street Phone 170
SNYDER ELECTRIC COMPANY
RADIO SETS
RADIO TUBES AND ACCESSORIES
TABLE LAMPS AND BULBS
LANG'S JEWELRY STORE Specialty of School Jewelry, Class Pins, Wrist Watches, and
Everything in the Jewelry Line Kodaks and Supplies S. M. A. Senior Rings
Complete Optical Department H. L. LANG & COMPANY, Masonic Building
Phone 915
RANDOLrS TAXI AND TRANSFER SERVICE Special Prices on School and Long Trips, Picnic Parties, etc. C. & O. and B. & O. Transfer Service. Cars Meet all Trains.
FURNISHED ROOMS—All Modern Conveniences 27 North New Street :: :: Staunton, Virginia
STAUNTON—The School—KNOWN FROM COAST TO COAST!
STAUNTON—The City—THE PERFECT HOST!!
EDUCATIONAL ADVANTAGES OF THE HIGHEST TYPE
OLD VIRGINIA HOSPITALITY
WE WELCOME S. M. A. CADETS AND FACULTY AT ALL TIMES
Gbris' IRestaurant M arine Grill Ask Any "Old Box! South New Street
warn