sally sells seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. royalty fees must be paid to one-act-plays.net...

80
Sally Sells Seashells By Jonathan Mayer Copyright © 2010

Upload: others

Post on 05-Aug-2020

0 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Sally Sells Seashells

By

Jonathan Mayer

Copyright © 2010

Page 2: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Copyright © 2010 by Jonathan Mayer

All rights reserved

CAUTION: Professionals & amateurs are hereby warned that this play is subject to a

royalty. This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of

America, Canada, the British Commonwealth and all other countries of the Copyright

Union.

COPYING or SHARING the play in any form (in whole or excerpt), whether via

photocopying, scanning, emailing, uploading, recording, or by any other means, is strictly

forbidden without consent of One-Act-Plays.net.

RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this play are strictly reserved, including professional

and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion pictures, recitation,

lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video and the rights of translation

into non-English languages.

PERFORMANCE RIGHTS & ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock

performance rights to this play are controlled exclusively by One-Act-Plays.net.

No amateur or stock (professional) production groups or individuals may perform this play

without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from One-Act-Plays.net.

Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or

profit and whether or not admission is charged. Only educational performances in a

classroom setting are exempt from paying a royalty.

ALTERATIONS: Besides changing a character’s gender and excising objectionable

language, there shall be no deletions, alterations, or changes of any kind made to this play

unless directly authorized by One-Act-Plays.net. Also, the title of this play shall not be

altered.

AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play

must give the author credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the

production of this play. The author’s billing must appear directly below the title on a

separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author must be at

least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more

prominent credit than that which is given to the author.

TRADE MARKS, PUBLIC FIGURES, & MUSICAL WORKS: This play may include

references to brand names or public figures. All references are intended only as parody or

other legal means of expression. This play may contain suggestions for the performance of

a musical work (either in part or in whole). One-Act-Plays.net has not obtained performing

rights of these works. The direction of such works is only a playwright’s suggestion, and

the play producer should obtain such permissions on their own. The website for the U.S.

copyright office is http://www.copyright.gov.

Page 3: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

TO PERFORM THIS PLAY

1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and

perform the playwright’s work.

2. Royalty of the required amount must be paid each time the play is performed, whether

the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged.

Only educational performances in a classroom setting are exempt from paying a royalty.

3. When performing this play, each member of the cast and crew must purchase his/her

own playscript.

4. Copying or duplication of any part of this script is strictly forbidden.

5. Besides changing a character’s gender or excising objectionable language, any changes to

the script are not allowed without direct authorization by One-Act-Plays.net.

6. Credit to the author is required on all promotional items associated with this play’s

performance(s).

7. Do not break copyright laws with any of our plays. Doing so is a federal offense and may

be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

8. If you have questions concerning performance rules, contact the playwright at

[email protected].

Page 4: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

CHARACTER LIST

SALLY

DREW

PAPA

FRANK

MICKEY

BETTY

REVEREND

REVEREND’S WIFE

MISTY

MRS. TINDLE

MRS. TRUMAN

MRS. TRUMBELL

MRS. TUTTLE

CUSTOMERS

PRODUCTION NOTES

Many roles, such as all the customers, are gender flexible (e.g.

Mrs. Tindle could become Mr. Tindle). The roles that are not

gender flexible may still be played by someone of a different

gender. For example, Papa, Frank, and Mickey could be played by

females. A twist like that could add to the comedy.

STAGE LAYOUT

One possible stage layout is to have the shop on one side of the

stage, the house on the other side, and the beach scenes on the

downstage/apron. This would allow for fast scene transitions.

(SHOP) (HOUSE)

(BEACH)

_____________________________________

(AUDIENCE)

Sally Sells Seashells 1.

Page 5: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SCENE 1

Lights rise on a beach shop. There is

a checkout counter with a logo above

it saying “Sally’s Seashells.”

Pictures of the beach and seashells

adorn the walls. One can hear the

quiet waves of the beach in the open-

air store. In the shop, there are

shelves and shelves of seashells. The

shop has a very upbeat feel to it.

CUSTOMERS happily peruse the assorted

seashells and talk amongst themselves.

SALLY, 18, wears a pretty beach dress

and manages the shop. Her pretty

blonde hair and shining smile make her

akin to walking sunshine. She lights

up the room with her good-spirit and

friendliness. Presently, she walks

around the store helping people. She

sees MRS. TINDLE, a shy elderly woman.

SALLY

Hi, Mrs. Tindle. Can I help you with anything?

MRS. TINDLE

Oh hi, Sally. I’m just browsing, not sure exactly what I’m

looking for today.

SALLY

I’m sure you’ll know it when you see it.

MRS. TINDLE

I hope so.

SALLY

We just got some Sozon’s cones in.

Sally Sells Seashells 2.

Page 6: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

MRS. TINDLE

Freshly picked, I bet.

SALLY

Yep, you know it.

MRS. TINDLE

Where are they?

SALLY

They’re right here.

She points to some shells.

MRS. TINDLE

Oh, they’re beautiful.

SALLY

The patterns are really special, I think.

MRS. TINDLE

I’ve never seen those colors before on a cone.

SALLY

I think they’d go very well with the conches in your

collection.

MRS. TINDLE

They would. Thank you, Sally.

The REVEREND, the REVEREND’s WIFE, and

their teenage daughter, MISTY, come up

to SALLY as MRS. TINDLE continues

browsing on her own. The REVEREND’s

WIFE is much bigger than her husband.

Also, the REVEREND’s WIFE and MISTY

are dressed much more ostentatiously.

Sally Sells Seashells 3.

Page 7: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

REVEREND’S WIFE

(pointing to a seashell

necklace)

Sally, do you think this necklace would go good with Misty’s

skin tone?

SALLY

Hm, let me take a look.

SALLY holds up the necklace and looks

at MISTY.

SALLY

I think it does go well.

REVEREND’S WIFE

Misty goes well with jewel tones. Unfortunately, she gets

her complexion from her father.

REVEREND

Dear --

REVEREND’S WIFE

(to SALLY)

So you think it wouldn’t clash with her tones?

SALLY

No, if anything, I think the brown in the shells helps bring

out her eyes. They look very pretty.

REVEREND’S WIFE

Oh really?

SALLY

Yes.

MISTY

Let’s get it, Mom. Sally knows her stuff.

Sally Sells Seashells 4.

Page 8: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

REVEREND’S WIFE

Maybe we could get one for school and one for more formal

occasions.

MISTY

Yeah, that’s probably good.

REVEREND

Dear, we only came here to buy one --

REVEREND’S WIFE

Hush, Tom. Misty, which two would you like?

Defeated and too afraid to start

anything, the REVEREND shrugs. SALLY

sympathizes with him:

SALLY

(to REVEREND)

Don’t worry, Reverend, our seashells come with a certified

quality guarantee, so all customers are guaranteed to be

satisfied with our shells. They’re the ocean’s finest.

REVEREND

I’m sure they are --

REVEREND’S WIFE

Don’t worry, Sally. These shells are just marvelous. Here,

Misty try these on.

SALLY goes on to the next customer,

MRS. TRUMAN. She is a young

housewife.

SALLY

Hi, Mrs. Truman. Can I help you with anything?

MRS. TRUMAN

Well, I’m looking for a gift for my friend. You have any

recommendations?

Sally Sells Seashells 5.

Page 9: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

It all depends on the occasion.

(pointing)

These shells over here are perfect for a birthday. We have

different ones with different shades to match all the

different birthstones. I’m guessing you’d probably want a

green peridot tint for your friend.

MRS. TRUMAN

Well, it’s actually not her birthday. She’s moving into her

first beach house tomorrow and I’d like to get her something

to commemorate it.

SALLY

Oh, I see. A housewarming seashell, hm ... I think I have

something that might do the trick.

SALLY takes MRS. TRUMAN to another

shelf. She holds up a large seashell.

SALLY

See how symmetrical it is?

MRS. TRUMAN

I do.

SALLY

It would be perfect for a display, perhaps above a doorway.

We could also get it engraved with the date of her move-in if

you’d like.

MRS. TRUMAN

That would be wonderful. That’s a great idea.

SALLY

Would you like me to ring it up for you?

MRS. TRUMAN

Yes, thank you.

Sally Sells Seashells 6.

Page 10: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY and MRS. TRUMAN walk over to the

checkout counter as BETTY BOTTER, 18,

enters. BETTY is a tomboy wearing a

baking apron. She is also SALLY’s

best friend. She walks over to the

checkout counter.

BETTY

Hey, Sally. Hey, Mrs. Truman.

SALLY

Hey, Betty.

MRS. TRUMAN

Betty Botter, how are you?

BETTY

Doing all right, thanks.

MRS. TRUMAN

I see you’re following in your mother’s footsteps, huh?

BETTY

Yep.

MRS. TRUMAN hands SALLY some money for

the seashell.

MRS. TRUMAN

Those are some big shoes to fill. Bootie Botter’s Baked

Bliss.

BETTY

I know, that’s the problem.

MRS. TRUMAN

I just love her cookies.

BETTY

My mom just put out a fresh batch. You should get some.

Sally Sells Seashells 7.

Page 11: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

MRS. TRUMAN

I think I will.

SALLY

You’re all set, Mrs. Truman. I should have it all ready for

you by tomorrow morning.

MRS. TRUMAN

Thank you, Sally. It was good seeing you.

SALLY

Good seeing you too.

MRS. TRUMAN

It was nice seeing you, Betty. I think I’ll stop next door

and try some of those amazing cookies.

BETTY

Sounds good.

MRS. TRUMAN

Bye.

BETTY

Bye.

MRS. TRUMAN exits.

SALLY

The baking’s not going so good?

BETTY

Nope.

SALLY

I’m sorry.

Sally Sells Seashells 8.

Page 12: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

Oh, it’s OK. I’m not even sure what the problem is. I’m not

sure if it’s the butter, or the butter in the batter, or the

batter without the butter.

SALLY

Betty Botter, it sounds like you’ve got a mess.

BETTY

I do.

SALLY

Why don’t you get your mom or sisters to help?

BETTY

I want to be able to say I made it all myself. Just for

once, you know?

SALLY

Oh, I see.

(beat)

Betty Botter’s Baked Bliss. That’s got a nice ring to it

too.

BETTY

It does. But I have to be able to bake something first, you

know.

SALLY

I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

BETTY

I hope so.

(beat)

So you talked to your family about going away to school yet?

SALLY

Not yet. I’m waiting for the right time.

BETTY laughs.

Sally Sells Seashells 9.

Page 13: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

You’ve been waiting for months.

SALLY

I know. It just hasn’t felt right yet.

BETTY

Well, you know best, Sally.

SALLY

You think I should ask them?

BETTY

Now’s as good as ever.

SALLY

You’re probably right.

(beat)

All right, I’m gonna do it.

BETTY

There ya go.

SALLY

Tonight.

BETTY

Tonight.

SALLY

OK.

BETTY

And hopefully I’ll get my recipe figured out tonight too.

SALLY

Great, we’ve both got something to work on.

Sally Sells Seashells 10.

Page 14: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

(heading out)

See you later, Sally. Good luck!

SALLY

You too!

MRS. TINDLE comes over to the checkout

counter.

SALLY

Are you all set, Mrs. Tindle?

MRS. TINDLE

Yes, I am.

SALLY

I see you’re going with the cone after all.

MRS. TINDLE

Yes, I think it is a good choice.

SALLY

(smiling)

I think so too.

Lights fade as SALLY processes MRS.

TINDLE’s payment.

SCENE 2

Lights rise on a small house. It is

separated into two parts by a doorway.

In one half of the house, there is a

sofa, recliner, and a mannequin

wearing a fancy red dress and matching

hat.

Sally Sells Seashells 11.

Page 15: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

In the other half of the house, there

is a table with chairs, It is poorly

lit, creating a shady atmosphere for

that part of the house. Sitting

around the table are PAPA, FRANK, and

MICKEY. They are all dressed in

typical 1920’s gangster garb: pin-

striped black suit, black shoes,

dickey, white tie, and hat. PAPA

smokes a cigar. PAPA is the rotund,

patriarch of the family. FRANK is the

oldest son, who aspires to be the next

PAPA. MICKEY is the stupid but

lovable younger son. All three have

dark hair and are the polar opposite

of SALLY. They are counting money

when SALLY enters the house. MICKEY’s

the first one to notice. Everyone

greets SALLY. She sits down at the

table.

PAPA

You’re running a bit late, aren’t you?

SALLY

Yeah, sorry, we had a lot of customers today.

FRANK

You’re too generous, Sally. I’d of kicked ‘em out right at

five, you know what I’m saying?

SALLY

(laughing)

Well, I don’t want to insult any customers.

SALLY sits down next to MICKEY.

Sally Sells Seashells 12.

Page 16: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

Sally’s too nice for that, Frank.

(pointing to the mannequin)

She’s got a lot of her mother in her. God rest her soul.

MICKEY

(scratching his head)

Wait, Ma’s been hiding in Sally this whole time?

They all give him a confused look.

MICKEY grabs hold of SALLY and starts

shaking her.

MICKEY

Come out, Ma!

SALLY

(breaking free)

No, Mickey. Papa meant I act a lot like Mom.

MICKEY

Oh, sorry.

SALLY

It’s OK.

PAPA

All right, let’s get down to business.

FRANK

Let’s.

MICKEY

Let’s.

FRANK gives MICKEY a dirty look for

copying him.

Sally Sells Seashells 13.

Page 17: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

Now Cousin Maury reported that there’s been some “unrest” on

the eastern part of town. I’m thinking we might need to

check things out.

FRANK

That sounds good to me.

PAPA

I’m putting Alfredo and Remmi on this one.

FRANK

They’re thorough. They’ll do a good job.

MICKEY

Oh yeah, Remmi’s a good guy. He once loaned me two bucks.

PAPA

That’s good, Mickey. The other piece of business is we’re

getting a shipment this weekend.

MICKEY

Oh, what kind of shipment? Is it somethin’ fun? Or maybe

food?

PAPA

No, it’s arms.

MICKEY

Ew, that’s gross.

FRANK

No, not those type of arms, Mickey.

PAPA

So we’re gonna need an envoy.

FRANK

I can do it.

Sally Sells Seashells 14.

Page 18: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

You wanna do it, Frank?

MICKEY

I can do it too, Papa. I’ve always been interested in the

human body.

PAPA

All right, you two’s will be in charge. I’ll give you a team

to help make sure everything goes smoothly.

FRANK

We won’t let you down, Papa.

PAPA

All right, that’s everything. I guess we’ll adjourn.

SALLY

(shyly)

Oh, um ...

PAPA

Sally, is there something you wanted to say?

SALLY

Yes, Papa. I, um ...

PAPA

Well, just say it.

SALLY

I was thinking about going away to school next month.

PAPA

Huh?

SALLY

I think I’m old enough to go get an education. That’s what

everyone else my age is doing.

Sally Sells Seashells 15.

Page 19: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

FRANK

Sally ...

PAPA

But Sally, you know we need you here.

SALLY

We could hire someone else to run the shop.

PAPA

You know we can’t. We can’t trust anyone outside the family.

SALLY

Then we could just close down the shop.

PAPA

But you love the seashells.

SALLY

I do, I do, but I also want to be able to leave and get an

education.

PAPA

Sally, we can’t close the shop. You know it’s our “shell.”

SALLY

I know, it’s our “shell.”

PAPA

We need the non-profit cover-up so people don’t suspect

anything. And don’t forget all the tax deductions it gives

us!

SALLY

I know, I know.

FRANK

We need the store.

Sally Sells Seashells 16.

Page 20: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

We can’t get rid of the shop, Sally. We need you here. I’m

sorry. Everybody’s gotta do their share.

SALLY

(sadly)

OK ...

PAPA

All right, meetin’ adjourned.

Lights fade.

SCENE 3

Lights rise on the shop. New

CUSTOMERS browse the seashells in the

store. As SALLY finishes checking

someone out, BETTY enters and comes to

the counter.

SALLY

Hey, Betty.

BETTY

Hey, Sally. How’d it go?

SALLY

How’d what go?

BETTY

You know, with your family?

SALLY

Well, it didn’t go quite as planned.

BETTY

What happened?

Sally Sells Seashells 17.

Page 21: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Well, we were having a family meeting --

BETTY

You know, your family is the only family I know of who has

those weekly family meetings.

SALLY

I know, my family’s a little unusual.

BETTY

Yeah.

SALLY

But anyway, we were having the meeting, and I brought up my

going away to school.

BETTY

What did they say?

SALLY

They said I can’t, because I have to stay here to run the

shop.

BETTY

But you won’t become a marine biologist here.

SALLY

Yeah, I know.

BETTY

Well that stinks.

SALLY

Yeah, but there’s not much I can do.

BETTY

Well maybe they’ll change their minds.

Sally Sells Seashells 18.

Page 22: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

They tend to be pretty stubborn once they’ve made up their

minds.

BETTY

At least you tried.

SALLY

How’s your batter coming?

BETTY

Not so good. I got some new butter for the batter, but it’s

not any better.

SALLY

Better butter should be for a better batter.

BETTY

I know, it’s so frustrating. How am I going to become a

famous baker?

SALLY

How am I going to become a famous marine biologist?

BETTY

We’re both not doing so hot.

SALLY

Hopefully things’ll get better. I’m sure you’re going to

figure out your recipe.

BETTY

I hope so. And I’m sure your family will come around.

SALLY

I hope so too.

DREW, a handsome man, 22, enters the

shop. BETTY notices him first.

Sally Sells Seashells 19.

Page 23: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

(to SALLY)

Hey, check out this guy.

SALLY sees him.

SALLY

(to BETTY)

Do you know him?

BETTY

No.

SALLY

I’ve never seen him before.

BETTY

You should go talk to him. It’s your shop.

SALLY

Are you sure?

BETTY

Yeah, go over.

SALLY

OK ...

SALLY walks over to DREW.

SALLY

Hi, can I help you with anything?

DREW

Yes, you can. Are you Sally?

SALLY

Yes, I am.

Sally Sells Seashells 20.

Page 24: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

It’s great to meet you, Sally. My name’s Drew.

SALLY

It’s nice to meet you, Drew.

DREW

I’ve heard a lot about you.

SALLY

(coy)

Oh, you have?

DREW

Yes, and I’d love to speak with you.

SALLY

You would?

DREW

Yes.

SALLY

Would you mind waiting just one sec?

DREW

Sure.

SALLY

Great, thanks.

SALLY runs over to BETTY, who has been

watching the whole time.

SALLY

He wants to talk with me.

BETTY

He does?

Sally Sells Seashells 21.

Page 25: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Yeah.

BETTY

That’s great.

SALLY

What should I do?

BETTY

What do you mean? You should talk with him.

SALLY

But do I look OK?

BETTY

Yeah.

SALLY

Quick, touch me up.

BETTY

OK.

SALLY hands BETTY a makeup brush and

cotton swab. BETTY quickly touches

her up.

BETTY

(while working)

This isn’t really my forte ...

SALLY

It’s OK.

BETTY

All right, you’re good.

SALLY

You sure?

Sally Sells Seashells 22.

Page 26: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

Yes.

SALLY

OK, here I go.

SALLY goes back over to DREW.

SALLY

Sorry about that.

DREW

It’s OK. You look a little different.

SALLY

Oh, thank you.

DREW

Would you mind stepping outside?

SALLY

Sure.

SALLY excitedly gives BETTY a thumbs-

up as she and DREW exit the shop.

SALLY

So you wanted to talk with me?

DREW

Yes.

SALLY

Well, maybe I should tell you a little about myself.

DREW

Well --

Sally Sells Seashells 23.

Page 27: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

My favorite color is baby blue. I love Italian food, Greek

food, Mexican food, you-name-it.

DREW

Um --

SALLY

I love long walks on the beach and going out for tea. But I

should probably tell you now that I most likely won’t kiss

you on a first date --

DREW

Sally.

SALLY

Yes, Drew?

DREW

Thank you for all that, but I’m actually here to talk to you

about something a bit more official. I’m part of the FBI.

SALLY

FBI?

DREW

FBI.

SALLY

Like the F-B-I FBI?

DREW

(showing his FBI badge)

Yes.

SALLY

(disappointed)

Oh ...

Sally Sells Seashells 24.

Page 28: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

I’m sorry. Perhaps I should have said that sooner.

SALLY

So you’re not here because you’re interested in me?

DREW

Well, um ... I’m actually here because I’m investigating a

mob presence in this town.

SALLY

The mob?

DREW

Yes.

SALLY

Well, why are you asking me about it?

DREW

I’ve been going around town asking a lot of the local

merchants to see if they know anything about them.

Everybody’s been very hush-hush. If you also don’t know

anything about them, then I’ll just be on my way.

SALLY

(a bit nervous)

Well, I don’t know anything about any mob ...

DREW

You haven’t noticed any dealings or fishy business going on

in town?

SALLY

No. A lot of fish business ... but no fishy business.

DREW

OK, well, thank you for your time. I guess I’ll be on my way

then.

Sally Sells Seashells 25.

Page 29: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY looks visibly upset.

DREW

Are you OK?

SALLY

(disappointed)

Yeah ...

DREW

Did I do something to offend you?

SALLY

No, you didn’t do anything.

DREW

You look very upset.

SALLY

It’s just ...

DREW

What is it?

SALLY

I was kind of hoping you were interested in me.

DREW

I’m sorry ...

SALLY

None of the boys in town seem to notice me.

DREW

That’s impossible.

SALLY

No, it’s very possible. Very very very possible.

Sally Sells Seashells 26.

Page 30: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

I don’t see how that can be. You’re one of the prettiest

girls I’ve ever seen.

SALLY

Really? You mean that?

DREW

Yes, of course. You’re beautiful.

SALLY

(touched)

Thank you.

DREW

I’m sorry I had to ask you those questions.

SALLY

Oh, it’s OK.

Awkward pause.

DREW

Well, you said you liked long walks on the beach, right?

SALLY

Yes.

DREW

Would you be up for one now?

SALLY

Sure. I’d love to.

DREW

Great.

SALLY

Great.

Sally Sells Seashells 27.

Page 31: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

They awkwardly stand there for a

moment smiling at each other.

DREW

All right.

They start walking off. Lights fade.

SCENE 4

Lights rise on the beach shore. We

can hear the peaceful sounds of waves

crashing and seagulls chirping. SALLY

and DREW walk for a little bit and

then stop. They sit along the shore

and watch the waves.

SALLY

So what’s it like being an FBI agent?

DREW

Well, this is my first assignment, so I’m still learning the

ropes.

SALLY

Oh, I see. I’m sure you’ll get used to it.

DREW

Yeah, I just really want to do a good job, you know?

SALLY

Yeah, I’m sure you will ...

SALLY

So tell me more about yourself.

DREW

Well, I just graduated from university a few months ago.

Sally Sells Seashells 28.

Page 32: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Oh wow. Congratulations.

DREW

Thank you.

SALLY

I want to go to university so badly.

DREW

You should.

SALLY

I want to learn about everything. Biology, English, history.

(beat)

Tell me about your experience.

DREW

Well, it was great. I was a psychology major, so I learned a

lot about how people think and interact.

SALLY

I bet you understand people in a whole different way.

DREW

Maybe. I got to read so many books with so many different

points of view and new discoveries.

SALLY

Wow.

DREW

It was a wonderful experience. What would you want to study?

SALLY

Marine biology. I’ve always loved the ocean.

DREW

Me too. I mean, I don’t spend too much time at the beach or

on the waters, but when I do, I always enjoy it.

Sally Sells Seashells 29.

Page 33: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Pause.

SALLY

And so you’re single?

DREW

Yes.

SALLY

And you’re open to a relationship?

DREW

(surprised by the question;

laughing)

Yes ...

SALLY

I’m sorry, I just had to ask. Because every time a guy shows

interest in me, he pretty soon after tells me he just wants

to be friends.

DREW

That’s odd.

SALLY

I know. Papa says there must be something in the water

everyone drinks.

DREW

Someone should look into that.

SALLY

Yeah, they should.

Pause.

DREW

Tell me about your family.

Sally Sells Seashells 30.

Page 34: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

(nervous; laughing)

Well, they’re not the mob.

DREW

What?

SALLY

I mean, they’re my family.

DREW

Right, tell me about them.

SALLY

OK. Well, my father and brothers are ... businessmen.

They’re also very protective of me. But I love ‘em. They’re

my family after all. They’re all I’ve got since my mother

died.

DREW

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.

SALLY

Oh, it’s OK. Tell me about your family. My family’s not

very interesting.

DREW

Well, I’ve just got my mom and a younger brother. My dad

died a few years back.

SALLY

Oh, I’m sorry.

DREW

No, no, it’s fine. My brother, he’s still in school.

Following in my footsteps, I guess.

SALLY

That’s nice.

Sally Sells Seashells 31.

Page 35: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Pause. SALLY suddenly sees a seashell

that washed ashore. She excitedly

picks it up.

SALLY

Oh look!

DREW

What is it?

SALLY

It’s a seashell.

DREW

Oh. How did you first become interested in seashells?

SALLY

I’ve loved the beach and seashells for as long I can

remember. My mother used to take me to the beach every day,

even before I could walk. We’d collect shells together. She

had a collection, and I started collecting too. Even after

she died, I would go collect the seashells myself. When I’m

around seashells, I feel like she’s with me.

DREW

My dad and I used to always play baseball together. I played

ball throughout college and I’d wear his old glove. Whenever

I wear it, I feel so much stronger, because of him.

SALLY

That’s really nice.

DREW

Yeah.

Pause.

DREW

So what kind of a seashell did you find?

Sally Sells Seashells 32.

Page 36: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

This one?

DREW

Yeah.

SALLY

This is an angulate periwinkle.

DREW

How can you tell?

SALLY

See how it’s angled toward you?

DREW

Yeah.

SALLY

This is a good one. I’m going to keep this one.

DREW

A memento.

SALLY

Yes.

SALLY smiles.

DREW

How can you tell a good seashell from a bad one?

SALLY

I think all seashells are beautiful, but certain ones have

certain special qualities. Like this one has such a strong

curve. I normally judge a shell by its symmetry, texture,

color, and sound. Hold out your hand.

He outstretches his palm. She gently

drops the shell into his palm.

Sally Sells Seashells 33.

Page 37: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

She puts one hand under his hand,

supporting it. She uses the other

hand to point to certain aspects of

the shell.

SALLY

See how symmetrical this spiral is. And feel this texture.

There’s no sign of any cracks. The color is rich. And the

sound I’m sure is beautiful. Listen to it.

DREW

Listen?

SALLY

Yes.

DREW

With my ear?

SALLY

That’s how most people listen.

She laughs. He puts the shell to his

ear.

SALLY

Do you hear it?

DREW

Hear what?

SALLY

How peaceful it sounds?

DREW

(after a moment)

Yes, I think so.

SALLY

Let me listen.

Sally Sells Seashells 34.

Page 38: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

He hands her the shell.

SALLY

Oh, it’s just wonderful. It’s such a pure sound.

DREW

You really know a lot about seashells, don’t you?

SALLY

Yes. But that’s all I know about. There’s so much more out

there in the ocean just waiting for me to discover.

DREW

I know what you mean. There’s so much to learn about. The

world is a beautiful place.

SALLY

Yeah ...

Mesmerized, she starts smiling and

staring longingly into his eyes.

DREW

I should probably let you get back to your shop, shouldn’t I?

SALLY

Oh, shoot! I forgot about my shop. I should probably get

back for the customers.

DREW

(smiling)

OK. I’ll see you again?

SALLY

(running off)

Sure! See ya!

DREW laughs to himself. Lights fade.

Sally Sells Seashells 35.

Page 39: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SCENE 5

Lights rise on SALLY’s house.

The whole family, PAPA, FRANK, MICKEY,

and SALLY, are having another family

meeting at the table in the dimly lit

part of the house.

FRANK

Some of our sources around town have been saying there’s this

FBI guy snoopin’ around town.

PAPA

FBI guy?

FRANK

Yeah, FBI.

PAPA

That’s no good. We can’t have him snoopin’ round our

neighborhood. We can’t have nothing interfere with them

shipments going down at the docks.

SALLY

He’s just doing his job.

PAPA

What’d you say, Sally?

SALLY

He’s just doing his job.

FRANK

Well, his job conflicts with our job.

PAPA

That’s right. We’s gotta take care of ‘im.

Sally Sells Seashells 36.

Page 40: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Wait, what?

MICKEY

Oh, is he sick?

PAPA

No, we’s gotta send ‘im under.

MICKEY

Under what?

PAPA

We’s gotta hasten his departure.

MICKEY

Fasten his thermometer?

PAPA

(fully exasperated)

No, we’s gotta take ‘im out!

MICKEY

(suddenly understanding)

Oh ...

FRANK

Finally ...

MICKEY

But won’t that cost a lot of money? What if he’s a big eater

and wants to order two entrees?

PAPA and FRANK groan.

SALLY

Wait, no, you can’t take him out. I talked with him, he’s a

nice guy.

Sally Sells Seashells 37.

Page 41: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

You talked wit’ ‘im?

SALLY

Yes, he came to the shop.

PAPA

He was snoopin’ around our shop?

SALLY

He wasn’t snooping. He just stopped by to ask a couple

questions.

PAPA

Questions? Questions ‘bout what?

SALLY

About “the mob”.

FRANK

That settles it, we’ve gotta take him out. Fast.

SALLY

No, he doesn’t know anything. It’s his first time on the

job. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

FRANK

Those shipments are too important, we can’t risk it.

SALLY

But we shouldn’t hurt him. If he doesn’t find out anything,

he’ll just leave and that’ll be it.

PAPA

I dunno ...

FRANK

I think we should take him out.

Sally Sells Seashells 38.

Page 42: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

I tend to agree.

SALLY

No, please. I’ll convince him to leave. Just give me a

week.

PAPA

I dunno ...

SALLY

Please, just let me talk with him. Just one week. Please.

PAPA

All right, Sally. But only ‘cause I love you.

SALLY

You promise not to take him out?

MICKEY

(suddenly understanding)

Oh ...

PAPA

You have my word. We won’t take him out for one week. But

after that, if he’s still here, he’s through. Ya know what

I’m sayin’?

SALLY

OK, but for this week just don’t let him see you guys, or

else he’ll know something’s up. OK?

PAPA

OK. He won’t see us.

SALLY

OK.

PAPA

All right, meetin’ adjourned.

Sally Sells Seashells 39.

Page 43: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Lights fade.

SCENE 6

Lights rise on the shop. SALLY is

interacting with CUSTOMERS. She is

helping MRS. TRUMBELL and showing her

several seashells. MRS. TRUMBELL is

an elderly lady with a cat.

SALLY

Which one do you like best?

MRS. TRUMBELL

Hm, I don’t know. Let’s see which one Snuffy likes.

(to her cat)

What do you think Snuffy?

(to SALLY)

I think Snuffy likes the round one.

SALLY

The baby’s ear one?

MRS. TRUMBELL

Yes, that one.

SALLY

(to the cat)

I think that’s a good choice, Snuffy.

(to MRS. TRUMBELL)

Just let me know when you’d like to checkout.

MRS. TRUMBELL

All right.

MRS. TRUMBELL goes back to shopping as

the REVEREND, REVEREND’s WIFE, and

MISTY enter.

Sally Sells Seashells 40.

Page 44: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

REVEREND

(to his WIFE)

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, dear.

REVEREND’S WIFE

Shush, Tom.

(to SALLY)

Sally.

SALLY

Yes?

REVEREND’S WIFE

We’d like to return this seashell necklace.

SALLY

Oh, is there something the matter with it.

REVEREND’S WIFE

Well, we decided that it doesn’t quite match Misty’s hair

color.

SALLY

Oh, I see.

REVEREND

I think it matches fine.

REVEREND’S WIFE

Shh.

SALLY

Well, would you like to look for another?

REVEREND’S WIFE

Yes, we would.

SALLY

All right. Let me know if you need any help.

Sally Sells Seashells 41.

Page 45: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

REVEREND’S WIFE

Thank you, Sally.

BETTY enters. She is holding and

stirring a can labeled in big letters:

BUTTER.

BETTY

Hey, Sals.

SALLY

Hey, Bets.

BETTY

You look a little down.

SALLY

Yeah ... I have to end things with Drew.

BETTY

But I thought your little walk went well.

SALLY

It did, but my family ...

BETTY

(understanding)

Oh ...

DREW enters the shop.

BETTY

Speak of the devil. Good luck.

SALLY

Thanks.

DREW comes over to them. BETTY walks

away.

Sally Sells Seashells 42.

Page 46: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Hi.

SALLY

Hi.

DREW

How’s it going?

SALLY

Fine.

DREW

Is everything OK?

SALLY

Maybe we should talk outside.

DREW

OK.

They step outside of the shop.

DREW

What is it?

SALLY

I was just thinking ...

DREW

What?

SALLY

I think it may be best if you leave town.

DREW

What? Why?

Sally Sells Seashells 43.

Page 47: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Well, this town is so peaceful. Nothing too remarkable ever

happens, so I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking

for.

DREW

You don’t?

SALLY

Nope, I think you’ll just end up wasting your time.

DREW

(disappointed)

Darn it. I thought I was getting close to something.

SALLY

(sadly)

I’m sorry. It’s just probably best if you head back east.

Behind DREW and outside of his vision,

MICKEY enters lugging a heavy crate.

SALLY sees him and starts to freak

out.

SALLY

Um ... have you met my friend Betty yet?

DREW

Huh?

SALLY

Betty. I think you should meet her.

(calling into the shop)

Betty! Betty!

With this yelling, MICKEY notices

something’s up. He freezes.

Meanwhile, BETTY comes running out

from the shop. She is still holding

and stirring the butter can.

Sally Sells Seashells 44.

Page 48: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

What is it?

SALLY

Have you met Drew yet?

BETTY

What?

SALLY

Have you met Drew?

BETTY

No.

SALLY

I think you should.

SALLY

(whispering)

You keep him busy. I’ll be back in a sec.

BETTY

(whispering)

Uh, OK.

She pushes BETTY right in front of

DREW. SALLY runs over to MICKEY.

BETTY

So, uh, Drew. I’m Betty.

DREW

Nice to meet you.

BETTY

Sally’s said a lot about you.

DREW

She has?

Sally Sells Seashells 45.

Page 49: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

BETTY

Yeah. So ... do you like baking?

DREW

I like eating.

They talk silently as SALLY talks with

MICKEY.

SALLY

What are you doing here?

MICKEY puts down the crate.

MICKEY

Papa told me to move this stuff.

SALLY

Not now though. Everybody’ll see you! Drew will see you!

MICKEY

I’m not ashamed of my appearance. I’m happy with what God

gave me.

SALLY

No, Mickey. He’ll see that you’re a mobster.

MICKEY

Oh, whoops.

SALLY

Come on, we’ve got to get you out of here.

Just then, DREW turns around and hears

SALLY talking.

DREW

Hey, Sally, is everything OK over there?

Sally Sells Seashells 46.

Page 50: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY quickly pushes MICKEY down so

that he is hidden behind the crate.

SALLY

Yep, everything’s swell. Nothing’s going on here. Just

talking to myself.

DREW

Oh, OK ...

DREW goes back to silently talking

with BETTY. SALLY pulls MICKEY up.

SALLY

We’ve got to get you out of here.

MICKEY

OK.

SALLY

(pointing)

Maybe you can go this way and they won’t see you.

MICKEY

Are you sure?

SALLY

I hope so.

DREW and BETTY start walking over

toward SALLY.

BETTY

Sally!

SALLY quickly hides MICKEY again

behind the crate.

Sally Sells Seashells 47.

Page 51: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

(trying to be nonchalant)

Yes?

BETTY

Uh, Drew and I had a nice time talking.

(secretly whispering to SALLY)

Sorry, I ran out of things to say. You know I’m not good

with boys.

(full volume)

Well, I guess I better get going.

DREW

Nice meeting you.

BETTY

Nice meeting you too.

(secretly whispering to SALLY)

Sorry! Good luck!

Feeling bad, BETTY grits her teeth

nervously as she leaves.

DREW

So you think I should leave, huh?

SALLY

Well, I think it may be best.

DREW

I see.

(pause)

But what about us?

SALLY

Oh, um ...

The crate with MICKEY behind it starts

to slowly creep away. DREW notices

this out of the corner of his eye.

Sally Sells Seashells 48.

Page 52: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Is that box moving?

The crate stops moving.

SALLY

Oh that? Moving? Of course not.

DREW

Oh, OK, sorry. I must’ve been seeing things.

SALLY

Maybe.

DREW

So what about us?

SALLY

Well, I’d really like --

The crate with MICKEY behind it starts

to slowly creep away again. DREW

notices this out of the corner of his

eye.

DREW

The box is moving again.

The crate stops moving.

SALLY

Oh no, you’re imagining things.

DREW

I don’t know ...

SALLY

Why don’t we switch positions, so it’s easier to talk?

Sally Sells Seashells 49.

Page 53: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Uh, OK.

They switch positions, so DREW can’t

see the box in his peripheral vision.

SALLY

That’s much better. It’s much easier to talk to you now.

DREW

That’s good. So ...

SALLY

So ...

The crate starts moving again. SALLY

watches it nervously, gritting her

teeth. DREW notices this and

misinterprets this.

DREW

You’re thinking about the shop, aren’t you? You think I

distract you from your work at the seashell shop. I’m sorry

about the other day and you having to ditch the shop. We

should probably go back in there now.

DREW turns around to start heading

toward the shop. He sees the crate

moving.

DREW

Look! It’s moving! Do you see that?

The crate stops moving.

SALLY

I don’t see anything.

DREW

I’m telling you it moved.

Sally Sells Seashells 50.

Page 54: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

I don’t think so.

DREW

Fine.

DREW turns around, his back to the

crate. The crate starts moving again.

DREW slowly turns around and looks at

the crate. It stops moving just

before he sees it.

DREW does all this a second time.

The third time, DREW quickly turns

around and looks at the crate. This

time, the crate does not stop moving

and continues inching away.

DREW

(pointing)

Aha! Got ya!

DREW starts walking over toward the

moving crate.

SALLY

No!

SALLY jumps in front of DREW and

kisses him. MICKEY pokes his head out

from behind the crate.

MICKEY

(to himself)

Ew!

His head goes back behind the crate.

The kiss ends.

Sally Sells Seashells 51.

Page 55: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

As if just getting injected with

laughing gas, DREW is in a delightful

daze.

DREW

Wow ... wow.

SALLY smiles.

DREW

So that’s what you were trying to say. You’ve got a way with

words.

(drunkenly walking off)

See ya later, Sally.

Once DREW is gone, MICKEY stands up

from behind the crate.

MICKEY

Man, my back is killing me.

SALLY

Mickey, don’t tell anyone about that kiss, OK?

MICKEY

All right, Sally. Even though it was pretty gross, I won’t

tell no one.

SALLY

Good. Let’s get you out of here.

MICKEY picks up the crate, and SALLY

escorts him off. Lights fade.

SCENE 7

Lights rise on SALLY’s house. PAPA

and FRANK are sitting together

talking. The doorbell rings.

Sally Sells Seashells 52.

Page 56: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

You expectin’ anyone?

FRANK

No. Are you?

PAPA

No. Go see who it is.

FRANK gets up, goes to the door, and

looks through the peephole.

FRANK

(to PAPA)

I don’t recognize him.

(to the door)

Whadya want?

DREW

(offstage)

I’m here to talk with Sally.

FRANK

Who do you think you are, trying to talk with little Sally?

DREW

I’m Drew, her friend.

FRANK

(to PAPA)

Hey, ain’t that the FBI guy?

PAPA

I think you’re right.

FRANK

Let’s douse him.

Sally Sells Seashells 53.

Page 57: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

We can’t. We promised Sally we’d let him stay on the merry-

go-round for one week.

FRANK

(starting to get scared)

Then what do we do? I don’t know how to talk to an FBI guy.

PAPA

Fine, go hide in those curtains.

FRANK

You’ve got to hide too. He can’t see you like that. He’ll

know something’s up.

PAPA

You’re right.

FRANK

You need a disguise.

PAPA

A disguise?

FRANK

Yeah. I know, put on the dress. That’ll fool him.

PAPA

Mimi’s dress? Are you crazy?

DREW

(offstage)

Is everything all right in there?

FRANK

(to PAPA)

Come on. You gotta do it.

Sally Sells Seashells 54.

Page 58: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

(grumbling)

Son of a ...

PAPA goes to the mannequin with his

deceased wife’s favorite dress and

hat. He takes off his gangster hat

and quickly throws the dress/hat on.

PAPA

Do I look OK?

FRANK

Well, your butt looks a little big, but --

PAPA

(angrily)

No, do I look disguised?

FRANK

Oh. Yeah.

PAPA

Go in the curtains.

FRANK hides in the curtains. PAPA

opens the door. He talks in his

normal voice.

PAPA

Hello.

DREW

(confused)

Hello?

PAPA

You look confused. Is somethin’ wrong?

Sally Sells Seashells 55.

Page 59: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Well, I thought I was talking with a man before.

PAPA shrugs.

DREW

Are you Sally’s mother?

PAPA

Uh, yes, I am.

DREW

Hm, that’s odd.

PAPA

What’s odd?

DREW

Well, Sally told me her mother died.

PAPA

Oh ... uh ... yeah. Dead is really a metaphor in this house.

DREW

A metaphor for what?

PAPA

I don’t know. Why don’t you have a seat?

DREW

OK.

DREW sits down on the couch in the

living room. PAPA sits down in the

reclining chair.

PAPA

So what did you want to talk with my little Sally about?

Sally Sells Seashells 56.

Page 60: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Well, I met Sally at the shop, and I think I like Sally a

lot.

PAPA looks over at FRANK, whose head

is poking out of the curtains,

watching. FRANK gives PAPA an “Oh no

he didn’t” stare.

PAPA

You like her, huh?

DREW

Yes, I do.

PAPA

That’s sweet. Why don’t I make you a little drink?

DREW

OK, thank you.

PAPA

Do you drink?

DREW

Oh no, I don’t drink alcohol.

PAPA

I see.

PAPA goes to a counter and makes DREW

a drink. Without DREW seeing, PAPA

grabs a mysterious little bottle, and

with a showy gesture, empties its

contents into the drink. PAPA laughs

to himself.

Sally Sells Seashells 57.

Page 61: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

(bringing the drink over to

DREW)

I think you’ll like this a lot.

DREW

Thank you.

DREW takes a sip and takes a very

difficult gulp.

PAPA

You like it?

DREW

Whew, that’s hot.

PAPA

It is, isn’t it? That’s why it tastes so good.

DREW

Yeah, it tastes ... unique.

PAPA

(encouraging him)

Down the hatch.

DREW

If you say so ...

DREW finishes the drink in several big

gulps.

PAPA

Good, no?

DREW still can’t talk because of the

drink. He clutches his throat and

holds up a finger saying to wait a

second.

Sally Sells Seashells 58.

Page 62: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

(barely getting this out)

Yeah.

PAPA looks over at FRANK and they

share a quiet laugh. Just then, SALLY

enters the house. She is shocked to

see her father in a dress, FRANK with

his head sticking out of the curtains,

and DREW with them. DREW does not

notice SALLY’s entering because he is

still busy trying to breathe after the

drink. SALLY motions for PAPA and

FRANK to leave. They both quietly

walk to the door.

SALLY

(whispering)

What are you guys doing? This is way too risky. You guys

have to leave.

PAPA

(whispering)

OK, OK.

PAPA and FRANK quickly leave. SALLY

comes over to FRANK. He’s finally

caught his breath.

SALLY

Hi.

DREW

Hi.

(looking around)

Where’d your mother go?

SALLY

My mother?

Sally Sells Seashells 59.

Page 63: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

Yeah, she was just here.

SALLY

Oh, um ...

DREW

Man, my head is spinning. Everything’s a little fuzzy.

SALLY

Are you OK?

DREW

(entering into a drunken

stupor)

I think so. I feel really at peace now. Everything’s so

pretty.

DREW starts to look around as if

everything was shiny and mesmerizing.

DREW

Wow ...

SALLY

What is it?

DREW

I love your ceiling. It’s amazing.

SALLY

Thank you?

DREW stands up and starts running

around like a child, trying to touch

everything.

DREW

This chair feels amazing. Oh my, this wall is so cool. I

love it. I love everything.

Sally Sells Seashells 60.

Page 64: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

You do?

DREW closes his eyes and sticks out

his tongue, trying to lick the wall.

SALLY

Drew, what are you doing?

DREW

You’re always such a kill joy, Sally. Always Drew this or

Drew that?

SALLY

What are you talking about?

DREW

You’re such a meany.

SALLY

A meany?

DREW

Yes, a big, gigantic, ginormous meany. With a cherry on top.

SALLY

You’re acting kind of strange, Drew.

DREW

(jumping up and down)

Sally’s a meany, Sally’s a meany, Sally’s a meany.

SALLY

You’re acting very silly. I guess you’re not as mature as I

thought you were.

DREW

(still jumping up and down)

Yay!

Sally Sells Seashells 61.

Page 65: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

What about our walk along the beach?

DREW

Colors!

SALLY

What about our kiss? Did it mean nothing to you? I don’t do

that with just a friend.

DREW

You’re a nice friend. Let’s be friends.

SALLY

You just want to be friends?

DREW

(jumping up ecstatically)

Friends!

SALLY

What?

DREW

(skipping around the room)

Yay!

DREW drunkenly trips and falls on the

couch. He is unconscious. SALLY

makes an indignant grunt.

SALLY

I knew it. Just my luck.

(sadly)

Oh well ...

SALLY slowly starts to leave. When

she’s at the door, she looks back at

the unconscious DREW.

Sally Sells Seashells 62.

Page 66: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

Sad, resigned, she looks down. She

leaves. Lights fade.

SCENE 8

Lights rise on the shop. CUSTOMERS

walk about the store. SALLY is

helping MRS. TUTTLE. DREW enters.

SALLY and DREW make eye contact.

DREW

Sally. Hey, it’s me.

SALLY chooses to ignore DREW.

DREW

Sally.

SALLY

(to MRS. TUTTLE)

So I’d use these shells to decorate your living room, but I

think they’re way too festive to decorate an office.

MRS. TUTTLE

I see.

DREW

(to SALLY)

Are you ignoring me?

SALLY

(to MRS. TUTTLE)

If you wanted to decorate the office, I’d recommend shells

with a slightly darker coloration.

DREW

Sally, I don’t know what happened at your house.

Sally Sells Seashells 63.

Page 67: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

(to MRS. TUTTLE)

We’ll also have to discuss how many shells you’re interested

in getting.

DREW

I know you’re probably upset, and you have much reason to be.

SALLY

(to MRS. TUTTLE)

But we’ll have to be careful, because certain shells are

rotten and not of good quality.

DREW

I’m really sorry about what happened. I really don’t know

what came over me.

SALLY

(to MRS. TUTTLE)

Some shells might seem precious at first, but when you get a

better look at them, you see that you might as well throw

them back in the water.

DREW

Sally, please.

MRS. TUTTLE

Well, I should probably let the two of you talk things out.

I’ll just continue looking around and think about all the

choices.

MRS. TUTTLE walks away.

DREW

We should talk.

SALLY

We don’t have anything to talk about.

Sally Sells Seashells 64.

Page 68: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

I’m really sorry.

SALLY

I thought you wanted more than a friendship.

DREW

I do.

SALLY

Yesterday you said you just wanted to be friends.

DREW

I don’t know what I was saying. Something came over me. I

wasn’t myself.

SALLY

You didn’t care about us.

DREW

That’s not true.

SALLY

You didn’t care about our kiss.

DREW

I do, Sally. I do.

SALLY

You’re just like every other boy in town.

DREW

No, I’m not. I promise.

SALLY

How can I trust you?

DREW

Because I’ve fallen in love with you.

Sally Sells Seashells 65.

Page 69: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

You have?

DREW

Yes.

SALLY

I don’t know after yesterday ...

DREW

I’m sorry. It wasn’t me. If you give me a second chance, I

promise I’ll make it up to you.

Pause.

SALLY

I’ve fallen in love with you too.

DREW smiles. They kiss.

DREW

You should come with me.

SALLY

Come with you?

DREW

Yes, come back east.

SALLY

I don’t know ...

DREW

You could go to school and become that marine biologist

you’ve always wanted to be.

(pause)

We could be together.

SALLY

My family will never let me leave.

Sally Sells Seashells 66.

Page 70: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW

But that’s the thing. If you don’t leave now, you never

will. Now’s your chance.

Pause, as SALLY thinks for a moment.

SALLY

I still think you’re an egghead because of yesterday --

DREW

Sally!

SALLY

But I want to go east with you.

They smile and hug.

SALLY

But what about your assignment here?

DREW

That doesn’t matter now. I’ll tell them the truth, there’s

nothing shady going on here.

SALLY smiles.

DREW

We can leave tomorrow.

SALLY

Tomorrow.

Lights fade as they hold hands.

SCENE 9

Lights rise on SALLY’s house. She and

her family are in a family meeting at

the table.

Sally Sells Seashells 67.

Page 71: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

The shipments at the docks are going well. Luckily, there’s

been no hiccups to speak of.

FRANK

That’s good.

MICKEY

That’s real good.

PAPA

Everythin’s going as planned. Good work boys.

FRANK

Thanks.

MICKEY

Thanks.

PAPA

Is there anything else we need to discuss?

(beat)

Sally, is that FBI guy leaving town yet?

SALLY

He is.

PAPA

Good. We don’t want any trouble.

(beat)

You two were getting close, eh?

SALLY

Not too close.

MICKEY

(like a girlfriend at a

sleepover)

Whatcha talking bout, Sal? Kissing ain’t close?

Sally Sells Seashells 68.

Page 72: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

Mickey!

MICKEY suddenly covers his mouth in

alarm.

PAPA

Whatchu say, Mickey?

MICKEY

Nothin’.

PAPA

Nothin’? I heard somethin’.

FRANK

Yeah, something about kissing.

PAPA

(to SALLY)

Did that guy kiss you? He did, didn’t he?

SALLY

Papa, don’t overreact, but --

PAPA

I’m gonna kill ‘im.

SALLY

No, Papa!

FRANK

We’re gonna kill him.

PAPA

That guy takin’ advantage of you like that.

SALLY

No --

Sally Sells Seashells 69.

Page 73: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

You poor defenseless girl.

SALLY

It wasn’t like that.

FRANK

I can’t believe that guy had the moxy to force himself onto

you.

SALLY

He didn’t force anything. I initiated the kiss to stop him

from seeing Mickey --

PAPA

He’s a no good stinkin’ animal.

FRANK

Let’s strain his pulp.

PAPA

Let’s cook his fries.

FRANK

Let’s make his meat rare.

PAPA

Let’s grill his buns.

SALLY

(standing up)

Stop it! He didn’t do anything wrong!

MICKEY

Yeah, stop it. You guys are making me hungry.

PAPA

That’s enough. We’re gonna take care of this.

Sally Sells Seashells 70.

Page 74: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

No, you can’t do that!

PAPA

Go run along and play with your dolls, Sally. Us men have to

get to work.

(to FRANK)

Come on.

PAPA and FRANK get up and start to

exit.

SALLY

(shouting)

I’m a grown up girl now! You can’t keep ignoring me and

treating me like a child!

It is too late. They are gone. SALLY

sits down frustrated.

MICKEY

Sorry, Sally. It just slipped.

SALLY

It’s not your fault. It’s their fault. What am I going to

do?

MICKEY

Uh, I don’t know ... You want to go grab a bite to eat?

SALLY

No, Mickey. I’ve got to warn Drew. I’ve got to tell him the

truth.

SALLY gets up and exits.

MICKEY

(calling after her)

Good luck!

Sally Sells Seashells 71.

Page 75: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

MICKEY reaches into his pocket and

pulls out a partially eaten candy bar.

He is pleasantly surprised. He starts

eating the bar, really savoring each

bite. Lights fade.

SCENE 9

Lights rise on the beach shore. DREW

is there with a suitcase next to him.

SALLY enters.

DREW

You made it.

SALLY

We have to talk.

DREW

Where’s your bags?

SALLY

I have to tell you something.

DREW

Are you not coming?

SALLY

Drew, my family’s part of the mob.

Pause. DREW suddenly starts laughing.

SALLY

Oh no, not again.

DREW

You’re funny, Sally. You like messing with me, don’t you.

SALLY

No, I’m serious. They’re part of the mob.

Sally Sells Seashells 72.

Page 76: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

DREW’s laughing slowly stops.

Silence.

DREW

You’re not joking are you?

SALLY

No.

DREW

Why didn’t you tell me before?

SALLY

They’re my family.

DREW

But they’re the mob. I have to turn them in.

SALLY

Please, no. Just leave.

DREW

I can’t just leave.

SALLY

They’re going to come after you. You have to leave now.

DREW

(disappointed)

Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

SALLY

I ... I couldn’t. They’re my family. They’re all I’ve ever

known.

DREW

But they do bad things.

Sally Sells Seashells 73.

Page 77: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

SALLY

I know. Just please, leave. I don’t want anything to happen

to you.

DREW

Sally, what kind of FBI agent would I be if I just left now?

SALLY

You’d be a live one. One that I love.

She grabs his hands just as PAPA,

FRANK, and MICKEY enter.

FRANK

Aha! We found him. Step away, Sally.

SALLY

Frank, please don’t do anything.

FRANK

We won’t do nothing Cousin Joey wouldn’t do.

SALLY

Cousin Joey would do a lot of things.

PAPA, FRANK, and MICKEY laugh.

MICKEY

That’s definitely true. Do you remember what he did last

Christmas? I didn’t even know that was possible.

SALLY

Mickey!

MICKEY

(conflicted)

Sorry.

Sally Sells Seashells 74.

Page 78: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

PAPA

(to DREW)

So boy, you gonna try to run?

DREW

(nervous)

Uh, no ... I’m going to turn you guys in.

PAPA and FRANK laugh.

FRANK

Really?

DREW

(losing confidence)

Yes ...

PAPA

Get ‘im boys.

FRANK and MICKEY come over and hold

DREW by the arms.

SALLY

No, stop! Don’t hurt him!

PAPA

It’s too late for chit chat. We’re ready to milk the cow.

MICKEY

Milk? Does someone have cookies?

MICKEY lets go of DREW. DREW then

wiggles free from FRANK and starts

running away, waving his arms in the

air and yelling “Ahhh!”. Really fast

banjo chase music begins playing.

FRANK and PAPA start chasing DREW,

also yelling “Ahhh!” .

Sally Sells Seashells 75.

Page 79: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

MICKEY and SALLY follow suit, also

yelling “Ahhh!”.

All of them run offstage. Then in

order, they run back onstage and run

off the other direction. They then

run back onstage. This continues for

a bit. Eventually, PAPA, FRANK, and

MICKEY outsmart the others by waiting

in the middle of the stage. DREW and

SALLY run offstage but then run

onstage and are stopped in the middle

by the men. The banjo music ceases.

PAPA

Got ya. Get ‘im boys.

FRANK and MICKEY come over and hold

DREW by the arms.

PAPA

(to DREW)

All right, buddy, say hello to Elvis for me.

PAPA whips out a knife.

SALLY

Stop!

PAPA

Don’t look, Sally. Us men have to make this guy an offer he

can’t refuse.

SALLY

No!

SALLY jumps in between PAPA and DREW.

PAPA

Step aside, Sally.

Sally Sells Seashells 76.

Page 80: Sally Sells Seashells - mayercontractlaw.com · 1. Royalty fees must be paid to One-Act-Plays.net before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright’s work. 2. Royalty

THE PLAY IS NOT OVER!

To purchase a PDF with the full text, and to apply for performance

rights, please exit out of this window and return to this play’s page

on One-Act-Plays.net.