salvator mundi book five

8/13/2019 Salvator Mundi Book Five

1/23


2/23

BOOK FIVE : DIALOGUE WITH THE MASTER

(Jan 21st Jan 31st1998)

As we are washing up in the kitchen I repeat my catchphrase:I never meant to harm anyone Sam. It was only a kind of game.Sam looks at me hard and then says:There is something you can do. Theres a word I left off the list . . es!"eparation. ou can make reparation. #ut right what you have done wrong.$ut how can I do that Sam! %rief engulfs me again: &es dead. I cant 'ringhim 'ack to life.Ask says Sam simply. ou will 'e shown what to do.

And that night in the attic misty( red)hatted( 'lue)coated ra''its leap and whirlconvulsively as I so':Anything* I will do anything* +ust show me what to do*And a ,uiet voice in my head says:Shh* -alm down. Its alright. oure already doing it.

Jan 21stIts like the end of term when youre leaving school and waiting to go home,knowing youve failed your exams. I am now completely unmotivated andwithout direction. I have screwed up. The trip I have een on for three years isexposed as sordid, shay and unreal. I have !" I#$% how I am going to live

with myself from now on. %nd I dont even care. I &ust stare mindlessly intospace. I rather like that. %nd Ive got my tow'rope under the ed.

(am has een reading the stuff I wrote the other night.)*ow did you know all that+ he asks.)I didnt I say helplessly. )It was your computer.)%h he says. )I see.)I wish I did. I have no idea whats going on. "ne minute Im weeding thegarden or peeling potatoes and the next I know its three in the morning andIm pounding away at this machine.)-m says (am.

)%nd it has no respect for me. If it doesnt like the stuff I write it &ust wipes it.)es he says. )Its upsetting isnt it+)#id this happen to you+)es. Im afraid its how my ooks got written.)/hat is it up to (am+ /hat is it trying to do+)I think he says slowly, )that its trying to educate us. It has things it wants tosay. 0ut it couldnt use you if you didnt want to do it. ou must have agreedto participate.)-e+ I havent agreed to anything. I was outside looking up at the stars andfelt this oy eside me in the darkness and the next thing I knew I was in thisroom with my hands on the keyoard.)es, thats the way it works. *alf of you living normally in this world, and theother half . . .


3/23

) . . . round the end I shout. )/ith a distorted view of reality. Invaded yideas that are not my own. % definition of schiophrenia (am. -y left loedoesnt know what my right loe is doing. Im getting hysterical. )I dontelieve in The 3lan. I dont even elieve in the (alvation -yth.)4eally+ (am is interested. )/hy not+

)0ecause I elieve we must save ourselves.)/hy+)0ecause that is how we evolve higher, noler 5ualities6 wisdom, compassion,courage and so on. %nd all that seems self'evident and straightforward until . . "h 7od, Im starting to so again. )8ntil I come here and everythings turnedinside out and I get these violent feelings of loss and shame and guilt andlonging and Im crying all the time and exhausted ' Im so convulsed I canhardly speak. )Im all shook up (am. There are two people inside me6 acommonsense person who can see things rationally, and another person whocant see at all, who only feels and acts. %m I going mad (am+ I stopsuddenly and stare at the floor. )Im happy here at the farm you see. 4eally

happy.*e takes my hands. )ou are not going mad -ary. ou are eing used that isall. If you feel you are eing damaged y it you must say so and it will stop.The hill cannot use you against your will. *e gives me his handkerchief and Ilow my nose. )0ut it may e that it really is making you stronger. That youare in fact evolving in the way you wish.I rememer 9owldes words6 )ou get overwrought and morid and then youget the vapours. Its time you toughened up (later and I start to laugh. )oucould e right (am. Im a slow learner. $ven if I dont elieve in (alvationmaye (alvation still elieves in me.)ou must ignore the unseen world -ary, and live in the here and now. #oordinary things in an ordinary way. #ont let the past affect you. That way youare safe.0ut am I+ *alf my mind is still preoccupied with the rope. The other half withthis dot dot dot oulder.Jan 22nd):ittle old ladies with painted nails wearing high heels and real pearls are thinon the ground 9lora. 0ut little old ladies with painted nails, real pearls andhigh heels who drive J;0s are unheard of.9lora flushes crimson )*ow did you . . )9owldes says she can see round corners says Thessaly alefully.

I also rememer him suggesting I might need the mighty arm of the law oneday and go on6)ou are not oliged to say anything 9lora, ut I must warn you that anythingyou do say may e taken down and used in evidence against you. )-%4 Thessaly is scandalised. )*ow dare you)%nd you may e charged as accessory Thessaly I continue landly. )Im notgoing to ask you why you put the oulder there 9lora ecause I think I know,she has gone very pale, )ut Id like to know why you took it away again. Imsure youre aware that the removal of a dead ody is a criminal act.)Took it away+ 9lora is astonished. )/ho took it away+ !o'one could move

that oulder without heavy machinery. (he rounds on her daughter. )#o youknow anything aout this Thessaly+


4/23

)!o . . !o, I dont . . ut she is chalk white.)%re you saying the oulder has gone then+ 9lora turns on me accusingly,her /elsh accent inflamed y the volume. )Thessaly if youre responsile forthis Ill tan your ottom.)I dont know anything aout it -am. (he stares at me white'faced. )*ave

they taken him away then+I sigh and stand up to go. )The cave is empty Thessaly. *aving searchedevery corner I can only assume the toms een roed.)oure not arresting -am are you+ (he was only trying to help.)Im not arresting anyone $T. 0ut Id like to know whats going on. #eadodies dont &ust push aside oulders and fly away do they+)!o says Thessaly, ut she looks at me doutfully and sounds unconvinced.Jan 2?rdI see ropes everywhere. :ike (am and his knives. I dont feel moridparticularly, I &ust didnt realise how many ropes there were in the world, coiledup like snakes in corners or hanging on hooks.

Its a crisp sunny day and (am has come to take me for a walk.)*ave you got any wellies+ 7ood ones+)/hy+ /here are you taking me+)oull see./e park y the river and make our way along the ank. It is 5uiet in thewoods and small irds are rehearsing hesitantly for spring.)*as Thessaly said anything to you aout a oulder (am+)0oulder+ /hat oulder+ *e is striding out confidently ahead.)% oulder has gone missing from outside the cave.)I didnt know there /%( a oulder outside the cave.)Thats &ust it. There isnt . . . now.)0ut I thought you said . . )"h never mind. I am suddenly feeling tired again.

The path descends into the old river ed so overhung with foliage that we areforced into the water and (am says )!ow you can test your wellies. /e wadethrough last years dark weeds and cresses tearing up rushes with our oots.The sun ounces off the water into my eyes and I am hot. It is hard work. Istop to take off my &acket and tie it round my waist. 9or a while I hear (amsplashing in the distance far ahead, then all is 5uiet. The irds have stopped

singing. There is a rustle from the ushes on the ank and I turn to look for ananimal of some kind. % naked figure slips through the trees and disappearsefore I can focus properly. I link and stare into the dense lackness of theforest. (hadowy tree'trunks merge and lur in the gloom. It is like a dream.!othing moves.I must have imagined it. (loshing up the stream in wellies revealed ashopelessly inade5uate, I realie I have lost (am and am alone. "nly the waterhurries along in the still morning. Then the rustle comes again, nearer thistime, and there is :auds face, right, tender, reathtaking. I am pole'axed. Icannot reathe and stare amaed. *e looks at me with an intimacy so direct,so personal, that my legs give way and I sit down in the water. Then he is

gone. I so for air. -y pulse is racing, my head in a whirl. I haul myself up and


5/23

stand in the middle of the river transfixed with tears pouring down my face,wet through, soing and unale to move.)/here are you+ (am calls in the distance, and he comes splashing ack tofind me.)/hats the matter+ ou look as if youd seen a ghost.

*e pulls me along the stream through the ushes into the river ank and therewe are in the cave, warm, dry and sheltered from the wind. *e sits me downon a stone and starts to make a fire.)%re you alright -ary+ ou dont look too good. %nd youre soaked through Ishouldnt have rought you all this way, youve caught cold. *e pulls off mywaterlogged wellies to ru my feet.

I cannot speak. I watch the river pouring from my oots onto the cave floorand hear (am dimly as he talks to me, poking the fire into flame. 0ut I am notpresent. I have een run over y something. It is a personal matter. #aedly Irealise that this has changed my life for ever and it is a personal matter.

(am takes my hand and looks at me.)ouve seen him havent you+I stare at him unfocussed)I recognise the look in your eyes. Thessalys seen him too.There is nothing I can say. :ife has stopped.)0ut I cant see any oulder he continues. )#o you want me to look furtherdownstream+)Its alright I whisper. )There wont e anything. Its not important now.

Jan 2@thThis morning it is cold, cold, cold and the irds are in crisis. They swoop ontothe ird'tale no messing, ignoring feuds and rivals, food comes first. I feelsluggish and vulnerale, defenceless as a new'hatched chick. I sit in a stuporstaring at the kitchen tale, humming inanely. It is like an illness. :ikeconvalescing from something. The phone rings. 9owldes.)I sent you some information to check (later. I havent heard from you. *aveyou discovered anything+)8m.)(later+)es (ir+)%re you alright+

)es (ir.)*ave you een drinking again+)es (ir. I mean !o (ir. I was &ust wondering . . . )es+ he is exasperated. 3oor man. I pause.)/hether you would accept my resignation (ir.*e sighs. )/eve een through this (later and I thought you understood.There is no'one else that can do what youre doing. Is it ecause you arealone up there+ Is that why you keep resigning+ 0ecause you are lonely+This is an adorale and hilarious idea and I am tempted to play it along A ut Isay )!ot really (ir.)*ow aout the sightings+

)(ightings (ir+


6/23

)3ull yourself together (later. I sent you a list of sightings for you to check outthe witnesses. ou did receive it+)es (ir.):ook (later Im coming up soon, ut in the meantime please interview thepeople on that list.

)es (ir./ith an exclamation of fury he rings off.Jan 2BthIt is itterly cold. Jack 9rost has miraculously painted my attic windows in thenight with a cut'glass &ungle of flowers and ferns.In the garden each lade and leaf is rimed with ice and lackirds havefrosted tails. % fog of cold pervades the landscape and nothing moves utsmall irds acting out epic roles of heroism and death. % hedge'sparrow liesfroen on the path with toes turned up and roins defend the ird'taleagainst all comers. The hill recedes like %valon in the mist. 9aint ghosts oftrees wait patiently to reappear when the sun reaks through, ut it never

doesC the day is gripped y the iron hand of winter, the ground remains whitewith frost and all is still. "nly a predatory cat stalks the garden. I light the fireand put a potato in the oven as ;hurch ells drift up from the village. (undaymorning. This is the place to e. % froen island in the mist.

(am and Thessaly come to tea and I ask if theyd like to stay. This is theirhome after all, and 9osters cottage must e cramped with five of them there. Iexplain that 9owldes will e coming soon, ut meanwhile . . .)/hats he like, 9owldes+ interrupts (am.)"h, tall, dark, mean, late forties, ad'tempered, a ully, due for retirementsoon I hope . . .)(ounds irresistile says Thessaly. ):ike *eathcliffe.)I never could see what ;athy saw in *eathcliffe I say, )ut if you would liketo stay youre oth welcome.)/e havent lived together for over ?D years says (am.)I dont know how wed get on adds Thessaly duiously.)/ell suit yourselves. I take the tea'things out to give them a chance to talkaout it and when I come ack (am has gone to collect their luggage.Thessaly looks more cheerful now.)It would e nice here for a few days. If you can stand it.)/hy+ %re you difficult to live with then+

)"h yes I think so. %rent you+)=ery I say. )Thats why I never live with people.)/ell there you are then. /eve got a lot in common already.

Jan 2E thThe sun has returned in glory from its war with the fog, escorted y a madand of hedge'sparrows. % great'tit drops notes of its spring anthem, sippingthe softened air, and we go to the churchyard to put unches of snowdrops,crocuses and aconites on the graves of the two -arys. They are side y side,mossy and tired with age. 0ut close to their headstones I find Im searchingfor something in the surrounding grass, urgently, anxiously searching.

)/hat is it+ /hat are you looking for+ asks (am, intrigued.


7/23

(uddenly I realise what I am doing. I look at him aghast6 )"h dear. Then Ilaugh it off. )I do elieve I am looking for my grave I say.

/e walk northwards across fields usy with tiny mortaroards of lapwingsmoving among the slender green fingers of wheat. %fter a while a large ank

looms alefully on the horion.)/ould you like to see an archaeological site+ asks Thessaly. )I was on a digup here with The %rchaeological (ociety. /e think it was the dwelling of the*oly -an of the trie. The :auda. Its 5uite a way from the village settlementas you see.% long raised rectangular hump is surrounded y a deep ditch.)This was for drainage explains Thessaly. )It has een lined with stones. %ndthese are the post holes for the walls.)*ow do you know it was for a *oly -an+ I ask.)/e found some interesting artefacts. They are all displayed in /alleck-useum if you want to see them6 a collection of ritual o&ects, totems, fetishes

and so on. =ery few household utensils. *e must have een a powerfulperson. /e found nothing like them in the settlement itself.

It is peaceful on the mound and I find I am smiling. % skylark is trillingvertiginously, thrillingly, high overhead. The wind has dropped and theres amoist peaty smell from tiny intricate mosses that curl eneath my feet.(preading my sheepskin &acket on the ground I sit down, gaing mildly intospace. I egin to feel run over again. It is a personal matter. -y eyes glaeand I lie ack. 9ar away I hear (ams voice )"h dear, shes off and that is allI know. (uch lassitude, I have no hope of fighting it. I surrender to animmense pull downwards, a great heaviness, and sleep.

The Laudas house is cavernous, about six metres by three, dar and sme!!y"#t one end a raised area $ith a bed is %ust distin&uishab!e, rich!y s'read $ithheavy urs" The &ab!e ends o s'!it 'ine are a!so hun& $ith sins that movesot!y under the 'robin& in&ers o the east $ind" hen this ho$!s it is !iebein& inside a hu&e urry anima!"*n the !on& !ime+'!astered side $a!!s are dis'!ayed &rimy, aded arteacts'resented to &enerations o o!y -en by a tremb!in& tribe. carved bonenives and s'ear+thro$ers, ant!er thon&+soteners sha'ed !ie !ea'in& deer,&!eamin& !int ceremonia! axes $ith 'o!ished hand!es, drinin& horns,

nec!aces made rom do&s teeth and co$ry she!!s and in&er bones cho''edo durin& unera! rites" #ncestors su!!s $ith obsidian eyes are '!astered and'ainted to !oo a!ive" They stare ierce!y at the ima&e o The /oddess, TheLion and The Lamb, decorated $ith eathers and stones and she!!s to !ea' inthe ire!i&ht and dance $ith the vi&our o the terrib!e dead"0verythin& is b!ac and &ritty $ith $oodsmoe rom the centra! hearth $hereoi!y umes !in&er over han&in& racs o smoin& ish, cheese and $i!d+'i&,beore dritin& u'$ards to !irt !ist!ess!y $ith a ho!e in the roo" There are no$indo$s, so the deersin hun& in the door is !oo'ed bac or !i&ht" ut it isa!$ays ni&ht in here on!y the !ames o the ire and the tiny $ics o ish+oi!!am's, !icerin& and morta!, create a sot ba!!oon o 'u!satin& i!!umination in

the s$e!!in& dar" #!$ays ni&ht, oten co!d, and reein& rom &enerations oish smoin& over the hearth, or the Lauda ee's a &ood tab!e" ushes,


8/23

dusty, suocatin&!y scented and a!ive $ith invertebrates, stre$ the !oor andt$o &reat carved $ooden chairs are 'i!ed $ith ur 'e!ts, !ie those on theraised bed &!eamin& rich!y in the b!acer darness" # dense anima! sme!!catches you by the throat"

The -aster !eans 'ainu!!y on the arm o his chair, breathin& heavi!y, to $atchthe antics o the boy beore him" # sno$y beard han&s sot!y !ie a $e!!+!ovedanima! s$eet!y combed, or orty years o 'uriication ritua!s ensure the Laudais very c!ean" #nd tired" is eyes droo' heavi!y" e $ou!d !ie to s!ee'" utthe boy shouts and $aves his arms about.4#!! you doin& is as 5uestion as 5uestion" 6ever &ive ans$er" o$ 7 &o!earn anythin& -aster4hat $ou!dst thou !ie to !earn un47 !ie !earn $hy -oon die"4un thou hast studied the moon not 7" hat is thy o'inion4:ou see #!!atime 5uestion; un &ahe &ot tooconident and missed someho$" Then she sad" 4*h dear $here 7 &o $ron&a!! that stu" #nd T#T $here she see mistae" 4#h she say 46ext time 7 &odo so and so" 7 &ot better idea or next time" #nd beore you eat breaastshe !ost interest and !osin& $ei&ht and ready to chuc it in or next time, moreradiant, more 'erect and so on"

un 'auses to stare re!ective!y into the dyin& embers.4ut there one moment $hen she 7> 'erect -aster"4hen is that un4hen she %ust an idea -aster" aitin& or be born"The o!d man &ets u' 'ainu!!y to 'oe the ire into !ame"47 the moon is so 'erect as an idea, $hy does she &o on tryin& to achieve itin the !esh he ass"4-aybe idea is >00@ #nd is nature o seed to s'rout, to &ro$, to maecome true idea #nd it borin& sit around a!! day as idea" -ore un to try" 7thin so" 0ven i not succeed"4>ome 'eo'!e &et discoura&ed i they dont succeed"

4Then they doin& it $ron&" >hou!d be un" >hou!d be !ie dra$in& on $a!!"un smi!es en&a&in&!y"


9/23

The Lauda $ants to !ie do$n" #!! uns ideas are tirin&.4>o $hy does the -oon $ant to be 'erect then unThe boy thins careu!!y. 4ecause i 7 -oon that $hat 7 do"4ut i thou didst not $ant to 'erect thyse!4>ure!y everyone $ant be 'erect -aster un 'oes his do& *on $ith his

crutch to mae him sit"46o everyone does not $ant to be 'erect si&hs the Lauda, 4>ome 'eo'!eare ha''y as they are"4Then 7 must 'ersuadin&, ex'!ainin&, sho$in& them they can do says the boyeven!y"The o!d man &roans" 7 am a settin& sun, a a!!en tree tumb!ed by many $aters,7 !on& or rest" is head droo's on his beard"4Tae *on out no$ boy" 7!! see thee tomorro$"#nd the boy taes his crutch and s$in&s out into the evenin& !i&ht, thro$in&stics or the rocin&+horse do&, b!ac and bouncin& at his side" e hasor&otten the o!d man in the hut" is mind is $ith *on his do&, !ea'in& and

boundin&, oo!ish and %oyu!" e si&hs $ith '!easure as sotness stains the syand a $ea star b!ins uncertain!y behind >ee!y i!!"

ut the o!d man rises and stands broen+baced in the darest &!oom" *n hisrin&+in&er a 'recious stone &!itters sot!y in the tiny id&etin& !i&ht o the rush+!am' $hich he e!evates beore a su!! on the $a!! and &roans. 47 cannot &o on-aster" The boy is a $ash+out" e ta!s o >un he ?ather o Time and -oonshe mother o Tide unti! my head s'ins" There is so !itt!e time" o$ $i!! a!! his&reat no$!ed&e o the heavens hea! the a!icted or comort the bereaved#nd his end!ess search or 'erection he is avoidin& the rea! issue -aster. achan&e o heart in himse!" 7 cannot die unti! the boy is ready" ut 7 am tired-aster" The 'ain and the eort are $earin& me out"

*utside there is a de!icious scent o moon!i&ht, s$eet, ra&rant andintoxicatin&" The u!! moon, &o!den, rich and !an&uorous, is heavin& herse! u'into her he 'ossess me, 7surrenderin&" e &u!'s, sinin& $ith a moan to the !oor by the o!d mans bed"7n the shado$s *on $a&s his tai! sot!y, encoura&in&!y" 47s some &reatmystery here un $his'ers in a$e to the rushes on the !oor"

47ndeed it is a mystery &roans the Lauda seein& his c!oa"


10/23

4-aster $hen sun &o do$n my heart turn over, a s!o$ turnin&, and 7 &o too"#nd $hen stars smi!in& sot!y throu&h birch+trees it !ie mother at ni&ht, so&ent!e, so s$eet" e is si!ent"4hat dost thou thin it is unThe boy !oos u' he!'!ess!y. 47 thin is #an -aster"

4#h The o!d man $ra's himse! in his c!oa" 4Te!! me"ut un cannot s'ea" e sits $et+eyed, breathin& heavi!y in the darness"Then at !ast he says.4#an is sotness that run Areation -aster"

7t is co!d in the hut" The ire is out and in&ers o moon!i&ht s!i' $iced!ythrou&h cracs in the deersin at the door, reachin& de!icate!y into thedarness o their $his'ered voices"4/o on says the o!d man"un s'eas s!o$!y, hesitant!y, 'ausin& oten"47t beauty adin& -aster" 7t !oss" 7t si!ence at noon" 7t ma&ica! thread o s'ider

s'innin& in air" #nd $or!d he!d by s'un thread o &ossamer, ra&i!e, vu!nerab!eand shinin&, broen by a touch and s'un a&ain in an instant" #nd thissotness, this s'innin&, this ho!din&, he #an"47t hard heart o $ind" 7t shit o !ea a!!in&" 7t !istenin& tree" 7t tiny bird dancin&in &rass" 7t no$!ed&e o insect" 7t dyin& o thin& you !ove" 7t !oose end andhe!d end" 7t moment bee &o home" 7t instant beore thin& ha''en"47t i!! at a b!o$ or eed or a!! time thin& $ith no merit and no meanin&" 7tbeauty dyin& o ra'ture" 7t ven&eance $aitin&" 7t sme!! o home" 7t !a$ thathave no !a$" 7t 'ride he in s!o$ness it stren&th he in $aitin&" #&ain and a&ainit !ie in $ait at same corner to striin& a&ain and a&ain at same $ound" 7t no$on!y truth o o$n nature" #nd this truth he #an" To no$ this truth you mustno$in& you" #nd even then you no$in& nothin&, because it havin& onethin& $e not understand"4hat is that un4#an 'erect -aster"

That aternoon they &o do$n to the marshes to !oo or mint" The sy is dense$ith heat but sun!ess and the air hard!y moves" There $i!! be a storm soon"Tiny butter!ies dance to&ether in the thread!ie &rass" They start to i!! theirbasets"47 thinin& about #an -aster"

4:es un47s everyone no$in& about40veryone used to no$" 6o$ the no$!ed&e is conined to o!y -en 7 ear"4That not &ood -aster"47t is bad un" Bno$!ed&e shared by a se!ect e$ becomes 'o$eru! andstarts to &et mystica!" Then the 'eo'!e $ho share it become 'o$eru! too and'eo'!e say 4*h 7 dont medd!e $ith mystica! ideas, 7 !eave that to the Lauda"hereas it used to be common no$!ed&e"4>o $hat ha''en hy ordinary man he !ose secret o #an4>it do$n un and 7!! te!! thee the story"The o!d man !o$ers himse! 'ainu!!y a&ainst a !ar&e stone and the boy dro's

his crutch and a!!s at his eet" Tiny thunder+!ies c!uster around them and theaint echo o a distant rumb!e 5uivers in the air"


11/23

4*nce u'on a time the tribe !ived rom day to day accordin& to the La$ o #anand had no ears or $orries" They trusted >y, 0arth, ?ire, >a!t and Airc!e tobe their ami!y and meet their needs" ut $hen ?orst the ?ireraiser burnt do$nthe orest and c!eared the &round to '!ant cro's, they too a ne$ road"

0xcited by their ne$ 'o$er they used ire to $or their $i!! on the !and,or&ettin& the needs o their ami!y" #nd as they no !on&er cared or >y,0arth, ?ire, >a!t and Airc!e they thou&ht their ami!y no !on&er cared or them">o $hen there $ere !and s!ides because they !et no trees to ho!d the soi!to&ether, they su''osed that 0arth had turned a&ainst them, and they 'ut u'barriers to ho!d her bac" #nd $hen rain made the river !ood they thou&ht >yhad turned a&ainst them too"4hy they not '!antin& more tree ass un"4They had bui!t houses on the !and un, and ences to contain their anima!s"They $ou!d have had to 'u!! them do$n"4Then they shou!d 'u!!in& do$n"

4ast thou ever made somethin& that cost eort and hard $or unLaboured day and ni&ht to mae a ne$ thin& ha''enun shaes his head" 4*n!y co!!ectin& s'ecimen and studyin& -aster" #nddra$in& on $a!!"4ou!dst thou $i!!in&!y destroy thy $or46ot $i!!in& -aster, no" e&retu!!y he shaes his head a&ain"4hy not47s mine" 7 main&" 7t &ot me in"4e!! thats ho$ the tribe e!t about their vi!!a&e" The more it $as threatenedby $inds and storms, and the river !ooded their ie!ds, the more they $eredetermined to i&ht or their homes, their cro's, their ami!ies and theiranima!s" 6ature became an enemy to be beaten" >o no$ they !ive in ear o$ind and rain and drou&ht" They i&ht the !and and $or their $i!! u'on it"They orce it into $ays that are not natura!, %ust as they orce the anima!s todo their $i!!" They do not see it is their o$n mother they are i&htin&, $ho$ants on!y their &ood" They hear on!y the voice o ear that ur&es them to dobatt!e $ith a $or!d that does not !ove them" They have cut themse!ves o rom>y, 0arth, ?ire, >a!t and Airc!e" Aut themse!ves o rom #an" That is ho$ thesecret &ot !ost un"The boy is very sti!! !ooin& at the &round. 4This sad story"4:es un, a very sad story"

4@o tribe no$ somethin& $ron&47 be!ieve they do, because no$ they need a device to rid them o their earand '!acate a $or!d they see as hosti!e"4hat this device4They have invented a system un, to he!' and comort them"un ee!s his throat ti&hten 'ainu!!y in ear"47 must no$in& this systemThe Lauda !oos at him steadi!y" 4:es un it is a system thou mustim'!ement" 7t $i!! be thy 'rivi!e&e as Lauda to conduct the re!i&ious rites andobservances o the tribe"The boy stares at the o!d man dumb!y" e cannot s'ea"

The -aster tries to ex'!ain. 4Ceo'!e $ho have not ex'erienced the true natureo #an are araid un" #ssumin& there is no system they can trust, they have


12/23

invented a structure o 'rayers and rites to re!y on" #nd once invented it &etshanded do$n as a tradition, so the tradition itse! becomes a comort andmaes them ee! secure" They !ie the ritua!s and re'eated sounds" They aresoothed and nourished by them" They have never no$n any other ood"uns eyes are u!! o tears" is voice is a!most inaudib!e.

47s 'o''y+head you &ive baby to suc" To comort baby"4:es un" 7t is a comorter"un is cryin& no$" 4Co''y send you to s!ee' -aster"4:es un" 7t is a dru&"47 &o no$ -aster" ac to orest" e 'ics u' his crutch sobbin&" 47t too hardor me this thin&" 7 not understand"

hen un returned a $ee !ater he !ooed o!der"4:ou better te!!in& me duties o Lauda -aster" The 'rayers and ritua!s 7 must'erormin&"

The o!d man !ooed at him in si!ence"4e!! 7s my 'rivi!e&e to conductin& observances o tribe47 understand thy distress un" 7 too e!t it at thy a&e"#''a!!in&!y the boys eyes a&ain i!!ed $ith ra&e and misery.4*n hi!! $hen 7 chi!d 7 $atched $omens &ive 'o''y+head di''ed in honey tobaby to mae s!ee'" Just or e$ minutes" Then baby cry i it taed a$ay"?ina!!y chi!drens suc 'o''y+seed a!! day" ?rantic i they sto''ed" #n&ry,shoutin&, icin&, screamin&" -others &ive in or ear, B6*76/ theychi!dren eyes &o turn mi!y, head !o!!in& !ie nec broen, not thinin& c!ear!y,&ro$ u' $ea and oo!ish" #nd you $ant 7 &ive 'o''y head to tribe;The o!d man said nothin&"47 s'end ten years a!one in orest day and ni&ht" 6obodys but $ind screamin&in 'ine+trees, river roarin& over stones, $o! ho$!in& rom den under hi!!" 7no$in& ear, dan&er, i!!ness, 'ain, hun&er, !one!iness and terror o dar'o$er 'ossessin&"7 !earn !an&ua&e o bird, 7 $atch deer born, !o$er ace o ox, coi!ed marria&eo matin& snae, baby hed&eho&s on outin&, batt!e o dra&on!y, hare dancin&on hi!!" 7 see stran&e b!ue !i&ht in sy and cave !ood $ith ice !it u' !ie ro


13/23

on the fields then crawl into hedgerows to die. %s the great red eye sinks intothe forest to leed to death in the trees, the sky flings an astonishing pink silkpeignoir over the country, waits thoughtfully for a moment to consider theeffect, then aruptly gathers it in for the night. The show is over. !ow I can gohome.

D' in the *a /rove the -aster had much to say.4There are many tribes in the $or!d a'art rom ours un, and most ear thedar and reach out their hand or the 'o''y+head $hen ni&ht comes" #!! haveneed o 'rayers, thou&h they may 'ray to stran&e /ods in a!ien voices" ?orinstance 7 have heard o a tribe in the 0ast $ho have s'!it o #an rom >y,0arth, ?ire, >a!t and Airc!e to $orshi' it a!one" They ca!! it :" They !ivein the !and o Aanaan"4-ust be $ea this #an i it cut o rom nature observed un"4They thin it stron&" They 'ray to : to $in their batt!es"

4They 'rayin& it or he!' o$ they no$ they shou!d $innin& batt!es Theynot trust this : to no$ $hat best or they 7s birch+tree 'ray to $innin&batt!e a&ainst storm4ast thou never 'rayed or he!' ased the Lauda 5uiet!y"un thou&ht" 4:es" *ne time 7 'ray he conceded diident!y"4hen $as that the o!d mans eyes $ere very b!ue"4hen 7 in cave" ith moon+ruit"4hat ha''ened47 to!d you" 7 araid" To his horror un e!t tears returnin&"4#nd $ho or $hat didst thou 'ray to47 %ust ca!! out e!' me, oh he!' me, 7 !ost he $as cryin& a&ain"4#nd $ho or $hat he!'ed thee4Aross+in+circ!e he $e't" 47 dra$ on !oor and !ie in and 7 sae"4>o irst thou didst 'ray" #nd then thou didst 'erorm a ritua!" #nd then thoudidst ee! sae" 7ts not hard to understand is it he smi!ed $arm!y at un"4ut $hy the cross+in+the+circ!e47s symbo! o #an -aster" 7 do $ithout thinin&" ut it &ive me unny ee!in&"6ice but not nice" itua! not a!$ays sae 7 thin"The Lauda $as si!ent a moment" 47t is im'ortant to understand the 'o$er oritua! un" Thou&h it re!eases ener&y rom many sources, it tends to mae the'erormer $eaer not stron&er"

4ut you say Lauda must ritua! or 'rivi!e&e oice -aster"4:es it is the 'rivi!e&e o the Lauda to 'erorm the ritua!s o oice, becausethou art a channe! or the needs o the tribe" Thou mayst use it to serve the'eo'!e but on!y i it comes rom #an itse! $i!t thou be 'rotected" @o it rom thyheart un"47 try -aster"4>oon 7 $i!! teach thee 'rayers or east days, 'uberty, birth, nu'tia!s,'re&nancy, buria!s and other occasions" ut irst thou must 're'are thyse!$ith 'uriication and astin&"un turned 'a!e" e $as 5uiet or a $hi!e then said casua!!y. 4This tribe inAanaan $orshi' :, do they astin&

47 ex'ect so un" -ost re!i&ious sects do"4hy -aster


14/23

4?or many reasons, but main!y to subdue the !esh"4That $hat 7 araid o said un"47t he!'s to 'uriy the system and ocus the mind"4-y mind a!$ays ocus $hen 7 hun&ry" e ocus on ood" Then his aceturned innocent!y s'ecu!ative and the o!d mans heart san as un ased

s$eet!y. 47 they mind so ocus, do they thin >un he ?ather o Time, or Timehe ?ather o >unut the -aster $as ready or him. 4#s a matter o act 7 be!ieve they ca!cu!atethe year by the moon"4They thin -oon -other o Time uns eyes $ere amaun then un mused"The o!d man heaved a si&h. 47 be!ieve they thin : is ?ather o both"4*h; un $as im'ressed" The tribe in the 0ast $as sho$in& unex'ectedresources"

The Lauda did not &et u' next mornin&, the 'ain $as $orse than usua!" isbody e!t !ie a tree that $as tryin& to tae root, every ce!! resisted movementand !on&ed or rest" e c!imbed mountains o endurance and s$am oceans otenacity but un sa$ none o this" e on!y sa$ the circus inside his head"47nside me is 'u''y eatin& bone he $ou!d say"The -aster ne$ that his o$n death $ou!d come sudden!y !ie that o his'redecessor" 7n the ina! ceremony o &oin& throu&h the door and 'assin& onthe rin& the o!d Lauda had died" e had turned round and ound himse!a!one" e sa$ no$ ho$ much the o!d man had !on&ed to &o and ho$ he had'rayed that the youn& one $ou!d be ready"

Jan 2G th%n amaing event this morning. I was indoors when I heard a huge roaring, aheavy drone like omers going over, and it went dark. Terrified I ran out tolook and could hardly elieve my eyes. The sky was lacked out y a giganticflock of millions of irds flying over, making for the !orth (ea coast. They kept

coming and coming for minutes on end. It was a massive, serious undertakingand I was afraid for them6 )"h, where are you going all of you+ I cried out.)%re you going to invade #enmark+(omething has changed since that usiness in the river. The anguish andexhaustion have gone. Ive stopped grappling with it all and given up. %nd ithas ecome very still. Time has slowed down. I do nothing. %s if Im waiting.%nd nothing happens, ut afterwards I feel calm. -y reathing has changed,and even my walk. I seem to elong in some way, elong to the hill. I see nowwhy Thessaly and -ary were not afraid. They were fulfilled.

;hristy is hanging the gate after the storm. *e was orn on this hill6)%ll this humming ;hristy I say. )/hat is the hill trying to do+


15/23

)Im too old for this he says.)3roaly. 0ut you were in on it from the start. ou must know.)%ll I know is A we are eing used.)I feel that too I say. )%s if Id agreed to something. (igned up.;hristy looks at me6 )#oes it worry you+

)Im not afraid if thats what you mean. 0ut Im a it onked out.)(o what do you think its up to -ary+)/ell, if it was a system for creating a pure eing then it all went pear'shapedwhen :aud died. /ithout doing what he came to do. To my surprise thiscomes out in an inarticulate gulping rush and I am soing again6)I mean has the hill failed or what+ /hat will it do now ;hristy+*e smiles at me6 )#ont you know -ary+I gasp, chilled. The hill is a force of nature like a tree or a plant.)It will egin again. I say.)0ut dont you think says ;hristy, )that it has already egun+

4This $ooden box, said the LEauda, 4$as carved by thy ancestor, the &reat?orst himse!, to house his treasures and inventions" *n the !id is his desi&nor the !ee$, a device or movin& heavy ob%ects"e '!aced the caset on the a!tar stone" un stared at it.4ut is cross+in+circ!e -aster" >i&n or #an" >i&n or Lauda"4#nd it $as conceived by ?orst the ?ireraiser to move the &reat roo+beams ohis house" e $ent to o'en it. 47t contains the sacred mysteries o the tribe"ut un '!aced his hand on the !id to ee' it shut"4hat is it @ost thou not $ant to see the sacred mysteries4-aybe box o'en a!! sorts 'rob!ems, diicu!ties, thinin& about" 7s 'o$eru!,this box un ased uneasi!y"4=ery 'o$eru!"The boy !ooed direct!y into the o!d mans eyes. 47s im'ortant moment" *nce 7no$in& secrets o box 7 cannot unno$in&"4That is true un said the Lauda"The boy moved a$ay to sit under a tree" 7t $as hot" e si&hed dee'!y" e hadno interest in sacred mysteries, he $ou!d !ie to &o s$immin& in the river"#ter a $hi!e he rose"4-aster, a!! 7 asin&" hy 7 must no$in& these thin&4Let me as thee then un, ho$ dost thou cure toothache

47 not no$ -aster"4*r an inected eye *r bac 'ain o$ dost thou 'revent a chi!d rom$anderin& *r 'rotect a menstruatin& $oman rom the cry o the ma&'ie *rmae her erti!e4#!! this is in box47t is the !ore o the tribe un"4>o 7 must no$in& a!! this erti!e+toothache+ma&'ie stu4The tribe $i!! come to thee or he!' in their distress"4#nd this box can doin& a!! thatThe o!d man !ost ho'e. 4@ost thou $ant to he!' them un4:es -aster" 7 $ant he!' them"

4Then thou $i!t be he!'ed by $hat is in this box" Thy hea!in& may be stron&,but it is invisib!e" They are chi!dren" To be!ieve somethin& they must see it"


16/23

They need ob%ects handed do$n by their ancestors that have accumu!ated'o$er" Co$eru! ob%ects can hea!"4:ou be!ieve this -aster4The tribe be!ieves it, that is $hat matters"4They hea!ed because they be!ieve in 'o$er o ob%ect

4Cerha's"4Then they not need me" They need on!y sacred ob%ect"4To them the ob%ect is sanctiied i thou dost use it" /ive them $ine in a ritua!and te!! them it is the !ood o the Lion that $i!! mae them stron&, and they$i!! ee! stron&" ut ho$ much is thee, ho$ much is the ritua!, ho$ much istheir be!ie, and ho$ much is the $ine itse! thou $i!t never no$"47 $ou!d thin maybe is Lion"4Then thou $i!t be a &ood Lauda un, or thou dost be!ieve"un si&hed he!'!ess!y. 47 see 7 not &o $innin& this" :ou &o o'en box -aster" 7bi& e!!o$ no$"

7t $as an antic!imax" There $ere no ma&ica! !o$ers, %e$e!!ed snaes orstran&e misty va'ours, on!y a number o dusty !eather 'ouches containin&o un cou!d not cut hishair, cross a brid&e or have no$!ed&e o a $oman !est he contaminate theshrine and so inva!idate the $ho!e C!an"=arious sacred ob%ects came out o the box. a stued bird, the tooth o aLauda, a $ease! sin, e! hair, 'ainted seed+'ods, sacred 'ebb!es mared$ith stri'es, s'ots and s5uares, a 'iece o 5uart< crysta!, roots !ooin& !iemen, a starish, 'ainted arro$heads, a bunch o eathers, hed&eho& s'ines,

co$ry she!!s, a nec!ace o


17/23

no$n, but it became so sacred by association $ith the other inmates that it$as treasured and $orshi''ed a!on& $ith the rest"

un !earnt to mae sacriicia! oerin&s o sacred bar!ey mea! $ra''ed in cornhuss attached to 'ainted stics decorated $ith ea&!e eathers" e became

si!u! in creatin& e!aborate mass o $ood, basetry and hide, 'ainted andtrimmed $ith ur and eathers to !oo !ie anima! heads" These $ere used inannua! ceremonies $hich too '!ace each u!! moon.

#t the $inter so!stice there $as a mased im'ersonation o the >y /odim're&natin& the 0arth /oddess to orce the >un /od bac into hissouth$ard 'ath" 7n January a mased dance ce!ebrated the advent o thebad&er and the mustard+seed, and the return o the sun" 7n ?ebruary orcedbean+s'routs $ere ceremonious!y '!anted to consecrate the ie!ds, andchi!dren $ere !o&&ed as an initiation rite" 7n -arch the /reat ?eathered>nae b!essed corn s'routed in sacred 'ots" ?rom #'ri! to June $ere comic

rhythmic dances by mased c!o$ns" 7n Ju!y the mass de'arted or theunder$or!d and there $ere 'resents or a!! the chi!dren" 7n #u&ust as'ectacu!ar musica! $e!!+dressin& too '!ace at the >ee!y >'rin& $ith voca!and instrumenta! accom'animent" 7n >e'tember $as a ceremonia! oot+race"7n *ctober $omen dressed as ?erti!ity /oddesses bore baset trays in aarvest @ance, and in 6ovember the ne$ ire $as &enerated $ith a ire+dri!! ina erti!ity ceremony invo!vin& 'ha!!ic dances, obscene son&s, a t$enty+ivemi!e oot+race and a bat hunt" This $as a!so the time or re!i&ious initiationsater !on& vi&i!s, strict astin& and 'ainu! ordea!s"

6o $onder the Lauda $as $orn out"4They are thy chi!dren un" They see thee as a ma&ician to tae their'rob!ems a$ay" The more they !atter thee and &ive thee 'o$er the !ess theyneed to ace the truth themse!ves"4-aster 7 not $ant this ma&ic 'o$er" 6ot at a!!"46everthe!ess they $i!! &ive it to thee" #nd ind 'ro'hetic $ords thou hasts'oen $hich a!! came true" ?or in order to be!ieve in thee they $i!! endo$thee $ith mystica! 5ua!ities un" Thou must be stron& to resist"4ut this oo!ishness -aster" This $eaness o brain"4The oo!ish and the $ea $i!! be thy constant visitors" Thou $i!t see madnessand exa!ted states, ravin& and eu'horia" ysterica! men and vio!ent $omen

$i!! b!ame thee or their o$n deiciencies and thou $i!t have no+one to conidein" Thou must be steadast"un 'iced u' a stic and 'oed the !oor $ith it" *on b!e$ reso!ute!y into theho!e, $a&&in& his tai! in encoura&ement"4e$are o !atterers un" They may not be %udicious, but those o !imitedunderstandin& come rom a!! !eve!s o the tribe, the hi&hest as $e!! as the!o$est" >o be 'atient" es'ect them a!! and as much o them that they maydo $e!!"47 !imited understandin& too -aster" o$ 7 &o %ud&e $hat &ood or bad inthey47t is not or thee to %ud&e them, they $i!! do that themse!ves as they &ro$

o!der" Thy %ob is to !isten" Live truthu!!y thyse! and thou $i!t see $hat is a!se


18/23

in others" #nd a&ain 7 say be 'atient" # 'erson may tae ten years to come tothee or he!'"There $as a !on& si!ence" *on $as &!arin& sus'icious!y at the ho!e in the !oorand $aitin& or it to 'roduce resu!ts"4:ou thin 7 can doin& this -aster ased un at !ast"

4:es 7 do"4*h"4-ost o it comes $ith ex'erience,47 see"#nother 'ause" un 'ee!ed his stic" *on sat do$n but e't a $ary eye onthe ho!e" #n o$! hooted outside"47 not thin 7 can"4hat The Lauda 'eered at him in the ire!i&ht"47 not &ot a!! this stron&, steadast, 'atient, truthu! you $ant"The o!d man si&hed. 46either have 7 un"4*h un !ooed side$ays at him" 4Cerha's is a!ri&ht then

47 %ust do my best said the o!d man"4e!! un c!eared his throat, 47 su''ose 7 can doin& that"47 ho'e so un" *r $eve both been $astin& our time"

#s he handed over more and more o the $or, the o!d man $atched theboys $hite ace as he !im'ed throu&h the orest in the mornin&s"4ast thou had a bad ni&ht unun shru&&ed" 46ot &ood -aster, but 7 used to it"4@oes the an!e hurt much4e a!$ays com'any -aster $hen 7 out or $a!" ut 7 thinin& there is reasonor"4hat is that un4e remindin& me 7 &ot body" 7 &ot excitin& !ie in head" #n!e say. 4o$ aboutme boy 7 body"4:es" 0very Lauda has had to carry 'ain"47 not no$ that $hen 7 a''!y or %ob un &runted" 4ut you havin& much 'aintoo -aster 7 see"4here dost thou see it un47n your bac -aster" ere" #nd here" :ou have bad a!! 7 thin" hen you5uite youn&"47 e!! out o the oa+tree by the cave $hen 7 $as ten un"

4#nd you t$isted s'ine $hen you a!!"4o$ do you no$ that47 see him -aster" :ou a!! on roc and !ie !ie!ess !on& time"4Thats ri&ht un the o!d man si&hed $ith re!ie" The youn& one $ou!d soonbe ready"4ut it not &o hurt you much !on&er -aster"46o, not much !on&er un"47 not a!!o$ed he!' you -aster" :ou 're'are or !ast sta&e #an no$" 7 must notinterere" Time o &reat %oy comin&" #nd rest"4That is ri&ht un" 7t is bet$een myse! and #an no$"

Jan ?1st


19/23

%stonishing aerial display last night. %t 11pm huge whirling sheets of lightmaterialied at great speed from oth sides of the sky to converge anddisintegrate aove my head in an endless hurtling of energy towards me,swirling and rilliant. 7otterdammerung come to (ellywick. !o'one else sawit. 3ar for the course apparently.

9owldes rings to say hes arriving next week, ut he said that last week. Ididnt really want him to come, ut now I feel etrayed. :ike -ariana of themoated grange. The waiting game. /omens stuff. This advance uild'upinflates expectations and I fear a let'down.

47 secret o #an !ost -aster, ho$ Laudas ind out about47 be!ieve it comes rom !ivin& in the orest un"4Aan ordinary man indin& it a&ain47 dont no$" 7t de'ends $hat as'ect o it"4Coint o ba!ance -aster" Aentre o sti!!ness"

The o!d man considered" 4That may be the door to the other room he said at!ast"4>o 7> a door; 7 ho'in&" uns eyes shone" 47s or everyone47m not sure un" ?or many 'eo'!e certain!y"4@o they needin& dan&er and ear and crisis !ie $as or me4They need the time to be ri&ht" 7t maes 'eo'!e ree and they may not beready or that, bein& sti!! tied to o!d ears" hen the time is ri&ht most $i!! beunaraid to &o throu&h the door"4o$ you no$ $hen is ri&ht time4Ceo'!e do not usua!!y as un!ess the time is ri&ht" ut 7 have been no$n tobe mistaen"4:ou sti!! human then -aster4:es un" 7 sti!! human"

That ni&ht un &ave a concert" e accom'anied himse! on a !on& stic strun&$ith &ut attached to a 'ottery bo$!" o!din& this a&ainst his stomach as aresonator, he '!uced the strin& as you $ou!d a doub!e+bass" Then heannounced cheeru!!y.

47t >*6/ ?* ##6 -aster" 7 mae him in your honour"

4Listen or voice o #anut not too hard*r a!! you hearin& is sound o !isten"

4hen you doin& somethin& e!seA!eanin& root or s$ee'in& !oor#an s'ea"7t &ood c!ean root and s$ee' !oor"

4#an s'ea on!y or instant

7 you try catch him he &one">ee #ir em'ty;


20/23

4ird sin& in tree"here bird sat is s'acehat bird san& is si!ence#!!asame bird sin&"

4Love !ie this" Tota!"#nd see #rms em'ty"#!!asame !ove tota!"Let him &o"

The -aster !ied the son& and un $as 'roud" >o 'roud that he $ent to thevi!!a&e and san& it to the $omen at the s'rin&"They $ere 'u4/o to my hut said the Lauda 5uiet!y, 4#nd $ait or me there"

The o!d man !ooed serious and did not s'ea at once" Then he si&hed$eari!y and his voice $as very &ent!e"4hat $ast thou sayin& to the $omen un47 te!!in& about #an -aster"4hy4They asin& -aster"4ut $hat made them as47 sin&in& them >on& or #an -aster"The Lauda si&hed a&ain" e didnt no$ $here to be&in"4-ust be bad -aster"4ast thou a &reat desire to teach the nature o #an un4:es -aster" 7 thinin& is 'ath to ha''y"4>u''ose they are ha''y as they are4Then they be ha''ier sti!!"4ut ho$ art thou &oin& to teach them un47 te!! about orest" #bout is 5uiet $hen you a!one" #bout not need a!!atimehut, $orin& ie!d, $orryin& $here ood" #bout orest !oo ater they, teachthey nature o #an " " "4Thou $ou!dst advise them to !ive as hermits in the orest To &ive u' their

ami!ies and home comorts To suer 'ain, ear and !one!iness as thoudidst " " " 4:es -aster" 7s $ay to ha''y"4The Lauda si&hed a third time, in des'eration no$.47 $as araid o this" Thou hast inherited the characteristics o Theshe! the?anatic" 6o$ !isten to me he s'oe s!o$!y and distinct!y as to a sma!! chi!d.4There is on!y one $ay to teach and that is by exam'!e" hen 'eo'!e noticethat thou art a !ivin& embodiment o #an, that thou art $ise and sane andba!anced and ha''y, that thou art a dee' centre o 'eace and sti!!ness, thenthey -#: come to thee and as thee to sho$ them the door" ut they maynot" 7t is not thy %ob to !ea' about !ie a !ea $ith an itch te!!in& them about it"

The o!d man &ot u' and 'aced the !oor, enunciatin& c!ear!y as i s'eain& toa orei&ner"


21/23

4Ceo'!e must come on!y $hen they are ready, or they $i!! misunderstand thenature o #an" They $i!! not rea!ise that it cannot be ex'!ained but on!yex'erienced" They $i!! mae it into a ormu!a and say 4*h, to ex'erience #anyou must !ove each other, or 47 you $ou!d no$ #an you must be ind andor&ivin& and 'eaceu!" ut these are the conse5uences o #an" hen you

have !ived or a $hi!e in a state o #an you cannot he!' bein& 'eaceu!,or&ivin& and &ent!e" 7t does itse!"They $i!! not understand that #an comes s'ontaneous!y $hen the sou! isready" They $i!! create a doctrine and say you have to !ive a !ie o 'ain andsuerin&, and this is 6*T TD0; :ou cou!d !ive or thirty years in the orestand suer every horror no$n to man and sti!! not ex'erience #an i the sou!is not ready" 7t $i!! on!y mae 'eo'!e &ui!ty and ashamed o their natura! !ivesand tae a$ay the true ex'erience o #an $hich is un'redictab!e and ?00"4ut it tae so !on&; $ai!ed un"4hat does The Lauda $hee!ed round sudden!y to ace him"4Te!! everyone;

4T*D A#6>T 6*T T0LL 0=0:*60 shouted the o!d man"4?or every 'erson $ho ex'eriences #an at its dee'est !eve! there $i!! be athousand $ho do not understand and thin it can be tau&ht by ru!es and'rece'ts" #nd they $i!! be the ones $ho rush about shoutin& the &ood ne$sand te!!in& everybody e!se ho$ to !ive" The more the tribe increases in theuture the more 'eo'!e there $i!! be to misunderstand" 7t A#66*T be done5uic!y"

To uns terror and astonishment the o!d man be&an sudden!y to s$e!! $ithra&e and 'o$er, his voice be!!o$in& orth $ith rin&in& c!arity"47T> C7@0 7> 76 >L*60>>, 7T> >T06/T 7> 76 #7T76/; hethundered" 4Thine o$n $ords un" @ost thou @#0 to thin thou canst teachthe innermost secrets o nature, the source o !ie itse!, the $ay thou &ivestru!es or bain& a honey+cae or catchin& a trout These thin&s can beex'erienced on!y $hen the sou! is ready, $hen it has &one throu&h a'uriication o the heart, so that it o'ens in trust and sim'!icity !ie a !o$er inthe sun" 7t $aits at the door innocent!y $ithout ho'e or ear" 7t $i!! $ait or everi it must;The Lauda ra&ed in ury.4There is no !a$ but TDT; 6ever mind 4@o this, @ont do that, 0at this,@ont eat that, e nice to your nei&hbour, e ind to your mother; This is

@7=0L $hen the sou! $aits at the door o the other room to be admitted tothe innermost secrets o !ie" There is on!y TDT; #nd this truth chan&esevery minute o every day o thy !ie" #nd thou dost thin thou hast discoveredsome eterna! truth or ever that $i!! it everyone That a!! can be saved by itThat thou no$est the ans$er That on!y thou canst teach the $ay /oa$ay, thou art not ready to !earn; Thou art u!! o 'ride and stu'idity andarro&ance" 6o truth" 6o humi!ity" Thou art a oo!;@evastated and terriied un cre't a$ay to his hut and hid"

0ventua!!y the Lauda sent a chi!d to etch him" un !im'ed into the o!d manshut sti!! $hite and shaen" The -aster $as in a &ood humour, the ire $as !it

and they ate uns avourite honey+caes $ith ha


22/23

46o$ then said the Lauda cheeru!!y, 4ast thou remembered $hat 7 said theother dayun nodded, sti!! unab!e to s'ea"4/ood, 7 ho'ed thou $ou!dst, his eyes t$in!ed $ith !au&hter"46ot an&ry no$ -aster

4*h no, 7 never $as an&ry" 7 %ust $anted thee to remember it"un bust into tears"4Aome, no need or that" Te!! me $hat thou hast been doin&"un stood u' and !im'ed a$ay rom the ire, very disturbed"47 have dream -aster he said at !ast, turnin& to ace him"The o!d man !ooed u' shar'!y" 4Te!! me he said"un came bac to his chair and sat starin& into the !ames.47t $as bi& dream" 7 in oa &rove" There bi& door" 7 he!'in& 'eo'!es throu&hdoor" >ome 7 !eadin& by hand, some 7 %ust sho$ door, one bi& e!!o$ 7 'ushrom behind" #nd is diicu!t -aster because 7 &ot baby" >omeone &ivin& mebaby to ho!d"

The Lauda did not move" e had &one very 'a!e"4Then 7 $earin& shiny rin& on in&er" #nd 7 handin& baby to man behind meand &o throu&h door myse!" #nd this man do !ie me ho!d baby andsho$in& 'eo'!es throu&h door" un be&an to !au&h at the memory. 4Theyvery ha''y, !au&hin&, bri&ht" They &ettin& bri&hter as more comin&" Last manhe so ha''y he shinin&; ut he &ot no baby, and 7 thin *h no, he dro' baby;7s a$u!; ut then 7 see he 7> baby; aby he &ro$ed u'; un !au&hed %oyu!!y"The o!d man $as $hite and very sti!!, starin& at the &round as i his heart hadsto''ed"4hat it mean ased un at !ast"The -aster !ooed u' s'eech!ess, his eyes $et"4ho these men 7s LaudasThe o!d man bo$ed his head"4#nd the babyThe -aster tried to s'ea but cou!d say nothin&"47t !ie he 'erect Lauda -aster" e &ot it ri&ht"The o!d man $as $ee'in&" 7t $as time to &o"4There &o be 'erect Lauda one day $hen tribe ready4Cerha's"47s $hat $e $orin& orThe Lauda s!o$!y nodded and &roaned dee'!y $ith re!ie.

47t is time un" Time to &o throu&h the door"4:es -aster" 7s time" hat 7 do46othin& un" Just c!ose thine eyes and $ait"

#!! $as sti!!" The orest $as si!ent" 6o $ind" ?or a !on& $hi!e nothin& moved"The earth seemed to have sto''ed turnin&"4hat dost thou ee! un6o re'!y" #t !ast un murmured indistinct!y 4/ood -aster"6o sound" The birds $ere hushed"4#nd no$>i!ence a&ain"

4eavy un $as a!most inaudib!e" 40asy">ome time !ater the -aster said 4#nd no$


23/23

7t $as hard to s'ea" 40verythin& sim'!e" 6o 'rob!ems"46o 'rob!ems un 6o 5uestions 6o need to understand#ter a !on& $hi!e he ans$ered indistinct!y 46o -aster"47s the sun ather o time un, or time the ather o the sun0ventua!!y un &ave a distant smi!e as i at a or&otten %oe, and e!! as!ee'"

hen he a$oe an hour !ater he !ooed youn&er and his eyes $ere sot andshinin&" The o!d man smi!ed at him.4o$ do you ee!47 ee! very $e!! -aster" uns voice $as much dee'er, it had matured andstren&thened" The chan&e $as start!in&" e $as direct and ocussed $ith ac!ear inte!!i&ence" e had &ro$n u'"46o$ 7 must !eave thee un" 7t is time to &o"The o!d man sat u' strai&ht re!axed, serene and com'osed" Fuiet!y heremoved the rin& rom his in&er and smi!ed a&ain"4Tae this rin& and $ear it a!$ays" 7t is a truth stone" 7t $i!! 'rotect thee and

ee' thee sae rom tricery and !ies" @o not betray it it is a rin& o 'o$er"/uard it careu!!y"47 $i!! -aster"un too the rin& and '!aced it on his in&er"47 am ready no$ -aster" 7 am sorry it too so !on&"

Ao'yri&ht 0" J" ard" 2G11" B0-#J#?0, 29H9G, FD7-0A, ?#6A0

salvator mundi book five

Documents