ESSAY MAKEOVERS – CAE

Yellow highlight = well expressed Study comments as well.Assessment: A – C are pass grades in the exam.

NOTE THAT THE FINAL PARAGRAPHS ARE MISSING!

Answer 1Ways of improving building on the seafront

Seasides have always been attractive for tourists to spend their leisure time and holidays.  As the number of tourists increases steadily over time, investors see an opportunity to make profit out of it.In consequence, limited space has to be used as efficiently as possible, which raises the question of which facilities should be built. In order to be able to accommodate the rising number of tourists ,hotels are being built. These hotels are located as close to the sea as possible. This way they seem more appealing to tourists. Lately the discussion about whether or not hotels should be situated closer to the sea has arisen. Some people object that these hotels occupy too much space and therefore block the view. Others hold the opinion that these hotels provide jobs for the local population.Coffee shops and restaurants could also be efficient kinds/types of facilities to make use of the limited space. Multiple factors have to be considered: Demand should increase, just as the employment rate of the local communities. A strong argument in favour of these kind of facilities is that the space given should not be built up. People choose seasides for certain reasons including more or less untouched nature and open space. In contrast to accommodation facilities such as hotels, not too much capacity is required. The places would be attractive to locals as well, as they could frequent them outside the holiday seasons, so that the region would not necessarily depend on (foreign) tourists then. A major argument against it is that accommodation facilities could create many more jobs if cleverly conceptualized. Final paragraph:  ...Daniel, Simon, Anton

This is a successful attempt – A-/B+ (above 5)All content is relevant to the task and the reader is fully informedThe text is well paragraphed. The third paragraph is rather too long: use some of the ideas for the conclusion rather.Good use of topic sentences and a variety of linkers – with some scope for improvement – see notes!generally large range of vocabulary – make sure to avoid repetition where possible; a few slips: outlook (view!) / narrow space (limited space!)Effective structures for emphasisappropriate range of structures on the whole

Answer 2

What kind of facilities should be allowed to be built on the seafront of a seaside town?

More and more people go on vacation at the seaside. The question arises what kind of tourist facilities need to be accessible near the coast. As many people enjoy doing sports, beach volley facilities and a park would attract tourists to spend their leisure time there. Furthermore, coffee shops and restaurants could be a spot for people to go and relax. It is undoubtedly the case that vacationers prefer being active on their holiday instead of lying at the beach. Therefore it’s demanded that there are enough possibilities to engage in exercise are required.

According to a recent online poll among active holidaymakers it’s pointed out that tourists who do sports are happier and healthier than the ones who don’t. They feel more confident to visit the beach and have more fun. They would also get to make new friends by attending sport activities. Coffee shops and restaurants are a significant feature of a touristic environment. As coffee shops are not only a place where people can relax but also get some work done. Moreover, they offer a cheap opportunity for quick snacks. Restaurants, on the other hand, can serve as a cultural exchange between inhabitants and travelers. Vacationers also do not have to worry about cooking but rather enjoy some free time. Final paragraph: ...

Content is relevant to the task; the reader is adequately informedClearly paragraphed and coherent; I suggest you do not mention/start discussing the alternatives in paragraph one already – this paragraph just leads up to the alternatives discussed later; use a linking device to introduce paragraph 3, too; good range of linkers on the whole – note the difference between in spite of and instead of; make sure you avoid informal style.Good attempt at vocabulary range - note some suggestions in the notes; some use of emphasis; adequate range of structures – make sure your sentences are complete throughout.C+ (above 4.5)

Answer 3

EssayThe idea of our essay is to give further explanation about what kind of facility should receive a planning permission to be built on the seafront of a seaside town. The first option we will discuss is the construction of a hotel. The second one would be to build coffee shops and restaurants. It is important to develop the infrastructure to get more tourists into the town. This leads to a better economy in the town itself. However, it is hard to decide which of these two will appeal more to the citizen. In order to make the decision easier , we will compare the positive and the negative aspects of the facilities. (1)One approach that could be taken is to build more hotels on the seafront to attract more holidaymakers. If there are more vacationers in the city, there will also be more action and life at the beach. Another positive aspect is that a new accommodation will provide more jobs for local people. But if there are more people working in a building, therefore it needs much more space, which is a negative aspect that comes up. Hotels need a huge buidling land, whereas coffee shops and restaurants take up less space. Furthermore, the building costs wouldn’t be so high. (2) Another option would be to build coffee shops and restaurants along the seafront. Tourists would have the opportunity to supply themselves whilst they are enoying a relaxing day at the beach. This would raise the profits and create new job opportunities for local inhabitants. Furthermore, it would make the beach more attractive for tourists and this would lead them to return more often. On the other hand, it could cause pollution and littering, which might be dangerous for creatures living in the sea.Final paragraph: ...

(1) In the introduction, you put the subject into context and say why it is important or controversial – and then lead up to the discussion of the alternatives. I suggest you only mention what the alternatives are in paragraphs two and four (find some examples of good introductions in the essay model ansers in the key to ‘CAE Trainer’ or with this link on the website:2) The 'rubenvalero' website on essay writing: This website offers instructions, model questions and answers.For Part 1 (Essay) only:http://www.rubenvalero.com/english/content/cae-essay

(2) The end of paragraph 2 and the beginning of paragraph 3 do not connect well

Content is relevant enough and the target reader is informedOrganisation: note my comment on the introduction and paragraphs2/3! – otherwise adequately organized; you use a variety of link words – but avoid And …/But …!

Vocabulary range OK (3rd paragraph quite good!) – sometimes rather too informal; structures uneven: some errors with sentence structureC- ( below 4.5) – especially because of (1) and (2))

Answer 4

What kind of facilities should be allowed to to be built on the seafront of a seaside town?

Seaside towns keep getting more and more interesting for the leisure industry and as the number of

tourists is growing, there is an increasing lack of building areas. Therefore, remaining space should be used

in the most reasonable way. However, what would be the best strategy for a seaside town to grant

planning permissions?

Nowadays, when everyone wants to spent their holidays in a nice resort, there is a big demand for hotels

at the beach. Therefore, in a lot of big vacation areas, you can find hotels in everywhere. Unfortunately,

the formerly untouched beaches are being used to create a holiday paradise and the seaside will suffer

from their presence. In addition, tourists or the local population from outside the resort are often not

allowed to visit the beach anymore. Thus the wonderful resources offered by nature are being used

ineffectively and are wasted.

(1) Parks and sport facilities give people the opportunity to relax and spend time with family and friends in

their spare time. Taking this into account, it would be important to develop a broad range of recreational

facilities. Especially towns which offer access to a beach should bear this in mind and reserve building

areas mainly for beach volley facilities and parks to get the most out of their natural advantage.

Final paragraph: ...

(1) use a ‘Linker’ to introduce and connect this new aspect!

Relevant content; reader is informed

Well paragraphed; introduce the second paragraph to link it up better; rather effective use of linkers –

avoid But …/And …; some use of emphasis

Adequate range of vocabulary, some rather elegant phrases - avoid overused words; adequate range of

structures, correct on the whole – note a few mistakes, though

B- (above 4.5)

Answer 5

Essay practiceSeafronts are limited in space and usable area. Therefore, usage of this kind of space has to be considered carefully. There is a high demand for such sites in both the local and regional branch of industry because it offers many advantages over sites further inland. (1)(1)The seaside could be used for gastronomy. Few people would argue that the local town would not profit from an increase in shops and restaurants. The view from those establishments would be astonishing, attract more tourists and thus improve the local economy. Opinions on whether the mentioned area would then be obstructed are divided. Some inhabitants fear the loss of their beloved seaside view. Others are more concerned with the steadily declining economy and hope to reinforce it with the seaside project.Another possible usage of these spaces would be to build hotels. Apart from attracting tourists, these types of accommodation also strengthen the local economy by generating jobs and supporting other businesses such as restaurants and leisure facilities. Although many locals prefer not having gigantic buildings destroy their landscape, they must be valued as the economic and cultural booster they are.In conclusion, both options seem to be an improvement over the current situation. The two ideas aim to boost the local economy and touristic activity by offering leisure facilities.Final paragraph: ...

(1) Link up paragraphs, e.g. end of intro: What are you going to do in the following? beginning of second paragraph: signpost this as the first (of two) options e.g..

All content is relevant to the task,, the reader is fully informed.clearly paragraphed; good use of a range of organisational patterns and linkers – note some flaws in the second paragraph, however; some use of emphasis; adequately formal style on the wholeA wide range of vocabulary used with control and flexibility; some (minor) slips: spelling, overused wordsNote: in the final paragraph, you have to make a decision although you may feel options are equally important!

A- (5.5)

Answer 6

A controversial topic that is widely discussed nowadays is the question of what kind of facilities should be allowed to be built on the seafront of a seaside town. One aspect that should be taken into account is an infrastructure adjusted to the environment. However, tourism is the essence of the economic success of a seaside town. Public access to the sea is in the focus of the whole planning.First of all, leisure activities should be promoted. It is essential that tourists have a variety of opportunities of how to spend their time at the beach. A survey has been conducted on what people prefer the most to undertake at the seafront. Its results/findings indicate that facilities such as beach volley courts or outdoor gyms have become increasingly popular. In contrast, a large group of elderly people wish to enjoy beach walks, the silence and listen to the sound of the waves.While profits from tourism are certainly a goal worth considering, coffee-shops and restaurants also change the way neighbourhoods engage with each other by providing space for community building. It is probably true to say that a lot of tourists like having dinner in restaurants that are located close to the beach. In addition, all the coffee and tea lovers would probably really appreciate having a coffee shop in a picturesque environment like that. There is no doubt that local suppliers would benefit from a thriving seaside location, too. Real estate prices would rise and by help of /thanks to the increased tax income of

the community more building projects could be realized, which would make the seaside location even more attractive.

Final paragraph: To sum up,

All content is relevant, the reader is informed – sometimes, additions are needed to make the meaning clear (e.g. beginning of 3rd paragraph)Well paragraphed, good use of a variety of linking devices – some are not quite appropriate, though (As a result, … / On the contrary); some use of emphasis; keep to a rather formal style throughout!Good attempt at vocabulary and structure range – note some suggested additions/rephrasing to make meaning clear; some very apt idiomatic phrases in paragraph 3.Some minor mistakes

B (5)