sample copy. not for distribution.vii acknowledgement & disclaimer why you should read this...

Sample copy. Not For Distribution.

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Observing Nonverbal Behavior An exhaustive guide to the essential skill of ‘Social Intelligence’


ii

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iii

Observing Nonverbal Behavior

An exhaustive guide to the essential skill of ‘Social Intelligence’

By

Sandeep Atre, PhD

EDUCREATION PUBLISHING (Since 2011)

www.educreation.in


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v

About The Author

Sandeep Atre, PhD is the Founder-Director of Socialigence – an

organization that specializes in the development of ‘Social

Intelligence’ through its focused online-courses and customized

workshops on ‘observing nonverbal behavior and

understanding emotions for greater interpersonal effectiveness

and self-management’.

He is also one of the Founder-Directors of CH EdgeMakers

- a leading ‘Coaching and Training’ group of Central India. In his

career of close to one and a half decade, he has trained thousands

of students, and professionals of more than fifty corporate &

institutional clients. He has featured at many prestigious platforms

as a ‘Management Speaker’ and ‘Motivational Orator’ and has also

served on various advisory and editorial boards.

He is also the author of “Understanding Emotions

Logically – A layman’s guide to the foundations of Social

Intelligence” and has also been a noted blogger on ‘personal and

interpersonal’ matters.

He can be reached through his company mail-id or at

[email protected].


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vii

Acknowledgement & Disclaimer

Why you should read this book, why I wrote it, and who

deserves to be acknowledged.

We all know ‘man is a social animal’. And the basis of our social

being is ‘interpersonal communication’. One look at our evolution

and it becomes clear that we are wired to connect, because there is

no other way we would have survived all that we did. But are we

connecting anymore? Look around and you would find that if not

annihilated, the very basis of our social being is surely under

serious threat.

At home, fathers are busy staring at their smart-phones,

mothers are busy watching television, kids are busy with their

videogames and teenagers are tuned into a song in the iPod. At

workplace, bosses are busy looking at laptops and, employees are

logged into the Social Networking Sites. The education seems to

be changing as well. Teachers are looking at their PowerPoint

Presentations rather than at students and, students are choosing

online videos to learn from.

The scene in business is no different either. Customers are

choosing e-commerce websites over a shopping experience and

Customer Care Executives are busy checking out customer records

in CRM software rather than relating to the very same persons

standing in front of them.

Yes! We are looking less at people, listening to them less,

being less mentally-present in conversations and are paying less

attention to people’s reactions. Those speaking silences and subtle

interactions of the past are today struggling in the impulsive hands

of ‘Poke, Ping & Post’. And with decreasing attention span and

declining face-to-face contact, people are finding it hard to relate

to each other, connect with each other and hold on to relationships.


viii

But can we change all that is happening around us? Not

likely. However, what we can certainly do is to do one thing better

– ‘Observe’. The biggest deliverable of this book is a renewed

interest and caliber to pay attention to the people and to what they

are conveying without saying it. And this simple change has the

potential to enrich our lives as social beings to a great extent.

And I found myself in a fairly good position to write this

book. Well! I am an entrepreneur in the domain of ‘education and

training’ who has co-founded ventures that serve various segments

of students and professionals. Over the years, the nature of my

work has given me an opportunity to meet numerous people from

all walks of life. And while training them on various attitudinal and

behavioral aspects, I have had the privilege to observe them from a

pretty close distance.

And what has given me the most satisfaction is helping

people and bringing meaningful changes in their emotional selves

and interpersonal relationships. That’s why our venture that is

closest to my heart is the one that works on development of ‘social

intelligence’. And we define social intelligence as ‘Observing

nonverbal behavior and understanding emotions for greater

interpersonal effectiveness and self-management’. While working

on this venture and also during my Ph.D. research, I could see the

enormous impact that ‘observing nonverbal behavior’ can have on

our lives. Hence, this book…

I make no pretence of originality of the text, and while I

have added my original inputs, major piece of knowledge in this

book is credited to all those people whose work I have studied over

the years (a list of source-reference for the text has been given

towards the end). They are some of the greatest names in this

domain viz. Sir Charles Darwin, David Givens, Paul Ekman,

Wallace V. Friesen, Desmond Morris, Joe Navarro, Daniel

Goleman, Edward T. Hall, Albert Mehrabian, Sam Gosling,

Ray L. Birdwhistell, Pamela Meyer, Allan & Barbara Pease,


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Peter Collett, Mark L. Knapp, Judith A. Hall, David J.

Lieberman, Janine Driver, Philip Houston, Michael Floyd and

Susan Carnicero, Frans De Waal, Malcolm Gladwell, Salman

Akhtar and respected others.

Yes! The content of this book comes from the assembled

knowledge from the writings of these great men and women. So

then, what is my contribution to this work? Well! I write this book

in the capacity of a ‘teacher’. I believe that a teacher’s job is to

select, edit, simplify and convey ‘ideas that matter’. He is the

bridge between the geniuses and the laymen. For this book, I play

that role.

A word on accuracy of the content in this book. Well!

Nonverbal behavior, although has strong scientific roots, is still a

domain with a lot of subjectivity involved. Thus, the complexity

and dynamicity of the field and the diversity of sources of

information makes a case for a strong recommendation for

discretion in usage of any piece of information given in this book.

So, this book has a potential to make a big difference in the

way you look at people. And if it happens then, there are

subsequent positive-changes assured in the way you communicate

and relate with them. And that’s what the purpose of this book is –

to enrich your emotional lives. I am sure that all great names

whose work features here would agree that eventually, they all

wrote hoping to do the same.

Sandeep Atre, PhD


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Content List

S. No. Contents Page No.

Introduction – Why it is important to

observe nonverbal behavior, and how this

book approaches it 01

I Nonverbal Behavior – The Concepts 05

1 What is Nonverbal behavior? 07

2 Why Nonverbal behavior is more

trustworthy than words 09

3 The interconnections between emotions and

nonverbal behavior 12

4 The Nonverbal Brain 15

5 Why it is important to get into details of

nonverbal behavior 18

6 Why it is crucial to differentiate between

emotions being expressed 20

7 Origins of the study of nonverbal behavior 22

8 The Darwin’s Principles for nonverbal

behavior 25

9 Rules-of-thumb for observing nonverbal

behavior 28

II Arms and Hands 33

10 Why it is important to observe behavior of

Arms and Hands 35

11 Self-Comforting Behavior 37

12 Moving Behavior 46

13 Withdrawing Behavior 60

14 Territorial Behavior 64

15 Touching Behavior 69

16 Handshake 79

17 Displacement Behavior 83


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III Legs and Feet 87


Legs and Feet 89


20 Stance Behavior 95

21 Intention Behavior 99

22 Walking Behavior 102

IV Torso and Head 105


Torso and Head 107

24 Orienting Behavior 109

25 Stance Behavior 113


V Eyes 123


Eyes 125

28 Direction 127

29 Duration 132

30 Dilation 135

31 Blinking & Brow-movements 137

VI Face 141

32 Face and the 7 Universal Emotions 143

33 Surprise 146

34 Fear 150

35 Disgust 155

36 Contempt 158

37 Anger 160

38 Happiness 164

39 Sadness 167


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40 Expressions of Lips & Mouth 170

41 Smiles 178

VII Autonomic Signals 185

42 Why it is important to observe Autonomic

Signals 187

43 Important Autonomic Signals 189

VIII Vocal Cues 195

44 Why it is important to observe vocal cues 197

45 Vocal cues and emotional states 199

46 Vocal cues and other interpretations 202

IX Personal Environment 205

47 Why it is important to observe Personal

Environment 207

48 Arrangement 209

49 Identity Statements 213

50 Emotion Regulators 215

51 Behavioral Trails 217

X Deception 219

52 Why it is important to catch lies 221

53 Basic ways in which people tell lies 223

54 How deceit reveals itself 225

55 Body-clues to deceit 227

56 Facial clues to deceit 230

57 Verbal clues to deceit 234

58 Caveats 243

List of source references 246


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Introduction

1 Sandeep Atre, PhD

INTRODUCTION Why it is important to observe nonverbal behavior, and how this book

approaches it.

Have you ever wondered why a lot of people find the company of

animals or kids most pleasant and relaxing one? Well! It is because, with

them, ‘What you see is what you get’. On the other hand, every other

interaction in a civilized world, with socially-groomed grownups, is

multilayered. You have to constantly play the guessing-game for intents

and motives – “Does he really mean what he says”? “Does she really feel

how she emotes”? “Does he really believe in how he acts”? ...

Yes! Genuineness became the biggest victim of civilization. As

humans started living in groups and continued to knit the webbings of

interdependence, they also learnt the art of diplomacy – the ability to „not

displease anyone‟ and still derive the most desired outcome from a

situation. But then, what began as a required effort to work one‟s way

through the new, evolving and complex system of community-living also

took an alternate form of a slightly distorted concept – manipulation.

Advent of language only complicated the matters further.

Evolving pushes-and-pulls of social apparatus were already teaching

humans their new codes-of-conduct on regulating their emotions and

expressions. And then words came and added to this whole scheme an

entirely new aspect. The most interesting thing about words is that they

are notional in nature. They need not to be rooted in sincere settings of

our animal-reality. Thus, they could also be used at will for not only

hiding a socially-inapt expression, but also for conjuring up such

representations that suit one‟s ulterior motives.

By then the humans had already become the master-manipulators

of the animal-world, and this training for becoming social-beings also

tended to gravitate towards becoming a perfect tool for maneuvering –

thus further widening the gap between the deliberate „thoughts‟ and the

instinctive „emotions‟. Yes! Although both thoughts and emotions are

immensely intertwined, they are essentially different. And while thoughts

can be elaborately varied, emotions they lead to are more standard and



2 Sandeep Atre, PhD

universal. For instance, one person might demonstrate happiness by

thinking about money, while other might do so by thinking about food.

But in either case, the emotion is similar.

But then, why don‟t we want to read thoughts? Or in other

words, why do we want to read emotions? Well! The reason is that

beneath our intelligent educated selves, the real shapers of our lives –

day in day out –are our emotions. They call the shots in most of the

situations. Most of the people react on the basis of their emotions. Even

among those who don‟t, majority find emotions playing an intervening

part, along with thoughts, in their choices. There are very few who can

bring absolute objectivity in making decisions. And even in the case of

such rare individuals, if you can spot precisely which emotions they were

able to control then you will know what they are vulnerable to; as even

the rarest are not eternally immune to the interference of feelings.

So, the fact that marks the reason behind this book is “Words

express thoughts…Body expresses emotions”! And it is important to

observe nonverbal behavior as that is what helps you develop an

understanding into someone‟s emotional realities. So, if you can get a

clue of someone‟s emotional state through observing his nonverbal

behavior, then you can have a better prediction of the choices he can

make and thus can be more prepared with the most apt response on your

part.

You can use this knowledge both for your benefit as well as for

the other person‟s benefit. For instance, if you can spot early stage of

anger in someone, then you may do something to offset a potentially

unfavorable outcome for yourself. Or if you can read discomfort of

someone who is not expressing it, then you may extend a helping hand.

So, how does this book approach Nonverbal Behavior?

Is this book one of those run-of-the-mill ‘How to’ books on body-

language or is it a technical treatise on nonverbal communication?

Well! That‟s for you to judge, but on my part, all I can say is that

although the book operates through a strong conceptual base and

delineates the science behind the subject, yet it abstains from taking

shape of a purely academic text.


Introduction

3 Sandeep Atre, PhD

It mainly attempts to simplify the knowledge and to make it

more accessible and applicable. Thus, while the book would take you

through the technical details, it would do so with minimum required

jargon. Yes! There is a clear focus on simplicity and utility. Having said

that, I would still assert that reader‟s attentiveness is solicited, and every

concept should be seen as an opportunity to deliberate on.

And the format of the book helps you to do just that! It picks all

the important concepts related to nonverbal behavior one by one and

devotes a short chapter of a few pages on it. Moreover, the writing style

is explanatory yet precise. Here, it is important for me to add a point. I,

for obvious reasons, found it easy to write the book with male pronouns.

I would like to clarify right at the outset that, it has been done purely for

convenience and not for any other reasons. The content is equally

applicable for both the genders, and I have discretely mentioned when

there is an exception.

Now, that brings us to another important question. Is it important

to follow the sequence while reading? Well! Although the content would

surely add value even if you randomly pick any specific thread in the

book, still ideally you should follow a sequence, at least till the basic

concepts are not fully in place. The knowledge that you would attain in

the first section will surely help you in getting the best out of the

following chapters.

Finally, once you have read the book completely, I would

encourage you to have a look towards the end and go through the list of

references for the text. The authors mentioned, are actually the real

writers of this book and thus deserve to be acknowledged. And I highly

recommend to you the books featured in the list because that‟s where this

book hails from.

So, get ready to begin an important journey. Who knows, this

might just turn out to be a life-changing one.

Wish you a happy reading!

W


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5

Nonverbal Behavior

The Concepts


6


What is Nonverbal Behavior?

7 Sandeep Atre, PhD

What is Nonverbal Behavior?

P

Nonverbal behavior, as the name suggests, is about the behavior other

than that related to words (marked here as ‘verb’). This includes many

constituents and the academic literature has given a particular name to

the study of each of them.

Study of gestures, postures and expressions is called ‘Kinesics’,

study of voice is called ‘Vocalics’ or ‘Paralanguage’, study of touch is

called ‘Haptics’, study of eye-contact and movement is called

‘Oculesics’, study of use of space in communication is called

‘Proxemics’, study of use of personal artifacts is called ‘Objectics’, and

study of use of time in communication is called ‘Chronemics’.

Well! You must have been taken aback by all these technical

terms coming at you, and that too right at the outset. But don’t worry.

The book will uphold its promise to simplify. And for these reasons, we

will talk mainly in terms of three common popular terms – postures,

gestures and expressions.

You must have surely come across these terms and might have

used them interchangeably. So, before we move further, let’s clarify

these three important terms which would keep coming back all the time

in the following text.

Posture deals more with a person’s stance - manner of standing

or sitting. It is more about overall balance and alignment of the body. It

is more ‘macro’ and involves a lot of ‘spine’ of the body - the way

people hold their head and shoulders. For instance, the posture can be

upright, slumped, slouched, tensed, relaxed, leaning, withdrawing etc.

Gestures are bodily movements that involve actions and

animation of smaller body-parts or motion of the larger parts of the body

1



8 Sandeep Atre, PhD

for smaller durations. They are more ‘micro’ and mainly involve arms,

hands, fingers, feet etc. We make gestures all the time like pointing

finger, shrugging, withdrawing arm, extending a hand, waving, stroking

chin etc.

Expressions are mainly the movements of facial muscles. They

are subtle, short-lived and changing. Human face is capable of making

over 10,000 expressions and around 3,000 of them are relevant to

emotions and their expression. We all are aware of most of these

expressions like smiling happy-face, long sad-face, clenched angry-face

etc.

All postures, gestures and expressions can be voluntary or

involuntary. And a lot of ‘observing of nonverbal behavior’ is about

meticulous spotting of the involuntary ones and careful scrutiny of the

voluntary ones for the involuntary ones beneath them. This book

attempts to help you do this by going into details. W


Why nonverbal behavior is more trustworthy than words

9 Sandeep Atre, PhD

Why nonverbal behavior is more trustworthy than

words

P

The answer lies in the design of our brain. Don‟t be surprised! The fact is

that everything we do is governed by our brain. That‟s where all our

emotions, thoughts and actions emerge. The only difference is each of

them mostly emerges from a different level of the brain. Well! You

might ask “Different level? Isn‟t each one of us supposed to have only

„one‟ brain?” Well! Let me take a risk of giving a simplistic answer –

„No‟. We actually have three brains, built over and around one another,

in the course of evolution, during millions of years.

Let‟s understand it in short. Evolutionists, led by Charles

Darwin, believe that species of humans has evolved from its preceding

life-forms, as a gradual upgrade that happened over a period of millions

of years. Thus, human brain also wasn‟t designed from scratch, but has

got developed in stages, with each earlier stage retained in the lower

levels. So, human brain isn‟t really an entity. Rather, it is a collection of

modules, each with different functions.

It is so because evolution only had an option to act on the

individual modules than on the brain as a whole. For instance, for an eon,

human beings were breathing and not analyzing. And today we can

analyze and are still breathing in the same way. It is so because breathing

and analyzing are different functions performed by different modules.

While one was fitted earlier, other one pretty recently.

This concept is at the heart of one of the most important models

in neuroscience called „Triune Brain‟. It was formulated in 1960‟s by an

American neuroscientist Paul D. MacLean! While many neuroscientists

criticize it for its oversimplified organizing theme, it has been famous for

its excellent explanatory value. So, here they are:

2


Observing Nonverbal Behavio

10 Sandeep Atre, PhD

Brain one is called Reptilian brain. It is the bottommost, at the

centre, just above our spinal cord! This is a part whose structure is

similar to the brains of birds and reptiles. It is attributed to the basic,

housekeeping & survival functions – breathing, hunger, thirst,

temperature control, fight-or-flight fear responses, defending territory,

keeping oneself safe etc. Due to its location, it is also called Brainstem.

Brain two is called Mammalian brain. This structure is wrapped

around brain one and its structure is similar to the brains of older

mammals like dogs, cats, horses, and even rats. Think about the

difference between a rat and a lizard and you'll recognize what capacities

this structure adds. Well! Mammals have "feelings" like ours. Thus, this

brain supports functions related to emotions, behavior, motivation,

memory etc. Due to its shape, it is also called limbic system.

Brain three is called Primate Brain. This structure is wrapped

around brain two and its structure is conceptually similar to the brains of


Why nonverbal behavior is more trustworthy than words


chimps etc. yet far more evolved than theirs. With this brain, primates

can do things that horses and cows cannot, like complex social

interactions, advance planning, decision making, perceiving and

speaking language. Due to its shape & location, it is called Cerebral

cortex.

These three brains work independently as well as

interdependently to create the unique ‘human brain’.

But what does it have to do with ‘nonverbal behavior’?

Now, what is really interesting is that while our verbal behavior is guided

more by our more advanced part and the „seat of thought‟ cerebral

cortex, our nonverbal behavior is guided more by our evolutionarily old

parts limbic system and brainstem. It goes very much in the manner

similar to how it goes for an animal.

Now, while cerebral cortex is more intelligent, deliberate and

regulated, the deeper parts of the brain are more emotional, reactive and

unregulated. As a result, our nonverbal behavior is less regulated and

thus represents our emotional state more authentically. It is also beyond

our conscious control and although our primate brain can exercise top-

down control over it and suppress it, it still can‟t curb the generation of

that impulse. It is so because the cerebral cortex has more inputs coming

from the limbic system than the limbic system has coming from the

cortex.

That‟s why the emotional impulse and the accompanying

nonverbal behavior can be spotted in the early stages of any emotional

stimulation, and if at all the suppressing mechanism of cerebral cortex

doesn‟t work well enough (which is mostly the case) then this emotional

undertone also gets (or keeps getting) leaked in the nonverbal behavior.

That‟s the reason why, while the words may try to be manipulative,

nonverbal signals can give the truth away.

W


Observing Nonverbal Behavio


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