sandra no. - 'i had a french lover

7/26/2019 Sandra No. - 'I Had a French Lover'

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Sandra Nogic:

Screenplay

I HAD A FRENCH LOVERi

Commercial. Eiffel tower. Two people are kissing on the top. People from airplane, thatis passing by the tower, are watching from their windows. Some of them are waving theirhands. Two people who are kissing are noticing them, and wave their hands also. An

airplane passed.

MAN: Nobody is watching.WOMAN: No airplanes another half an hour.

Man and woman start putting off one another clothes.

Clothes are falling down. Clothes fall in front of a married couple.

GIRL: Look at that! Christian Dior clothes.

They put on Christian Dior clothes.

FELLOW: Lets go on the top! Maybe Christian Dior is on the top!

They started climbing stairs.

Man and woman on the top of Eiffel tower start making love. Suddenly, another airplane

is coming.

MAN: You were wrong! Another plane is coming!

WOMAN: It must be AIR FRANCE. Earlier than it should be.

Airplane is passing. Pilot is taking photo of two people making love. Passengers arethrowing confetti and bonbons from their windows on two naked people making love. In

the airplane is a party. Stewardesses are dancing, passengers are applauding. We canhear voice of Stuart.

STUART: Welcome to Paris, city of love.

Big letters on the whole screen Visit Paris, iris of love. AIR FRANCE always withyou. Camera goes back and we can see it was TV that two girls, are watching.

Olivia: I must go to Paris and have a romance.

Rockiss: If you expect romance you wont have it.Olivia: Than Ill expect marriage.

Rockiss: When I was in Paris I expected marriage.


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Olivia: And?Rockiss: Had a romance.

Olivia: It was Sarl, am I right?Rockiss: You got it. Sarl was pearl in the swirl you crazy girl.

Olivia: Lasted long?

Rockiss: As usual romance.Olivia: Couple of days?Rockiss: Couple of hours.

Olivia: Couple of hoursAs usual romanceRockiss: SarlThe quickest romance in my whole life Three hours

Olivia: The quickest romance in my life was three minutes. I had it yesterday inthe elevator with my neighbor.

Rockiss: How was it?

Olivia: Fabulous. While throwing garbage./ Pause. /What can I do?! Myhusband is in deep depression. I am suggesting sex, Paris, but nothing

helps. Wondering what he is doing now

Husband Depression is going out of home to throw garbage. He is in front of container;he leaves garbage and jumps in the container.

Depression: I am at the deepest bottom. This is bottom of a bottom. Wondering whereOlivia is right now

Olivia jumps into the ocean. Rookies is jumping behind her. They are chatting while

swimming.

Olivia: I want to go to Paris and have a French lover.

/ They are approaching some boys who are playing Water polo /

BOY: Ive just heard what you said and I am French.Olivia: /Laughing. /You liar, prove it!Boy: Live in Paris!

Rokiss: Two weeks may be.Olivia: Say something in French!

Boy: Bonjour Mon amour, demain au revoir.Rockiss: I new it! Two weeks.

Boy: Two weeks exactly I am living in Paris. Moved to my brother. You seethis Para shoot. This is my brother Zak. Original French.

/ Zak is falling beside them with yellow- orange Para shoot. /

Zak: Ive just heard what you were talking and I am French.Olivia: Live in Paris?

Zak: For 20 years.Olivia: Say something in French.


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Zak: / Pause. /I dont know any word in French.Rokiss: How come?!

Zak: Working for American company; have American wife

/ Boat is approaching. /

Driver: Ive just heard what youve said and I am not French, but I will take youto the restaurant with French food called Little Paris.

Olivia: Little Paris?!Rockiss: Little by little

Olivia: And we will come to Paris, city of love.

/ On the whole screen are big letters- to be continued /

Olivia: When?

Rockiss: Tomorrow.

Olivia: When I borrow your swimming-suitRockiss: We are changing our swimming-suits!Olivia: I need your white swimming suit

Rockiss: I need your multi colored. Give it to me now!Olivia: / Olivia is putting off her multi colored swimming suit. /Zak: / To Olivia. /Give me your swimming suit!

Olivia: Here you are./ She gives to Zak her swimming suit. /Zak: Now, you Rokiss, give me your swimming suit!

Boy: Rockiss will give me her swimming suit.Rockiss: Wrong. I am giving my swimming suit to Olivia.

Olivia: Thanks./ She put on Rockiss swimming suit. /Zak: Rockiss, you are naked now and I have your swimming suit.

Rockiss: Dont give me my swimming suit! Give it to a boy!Boy: Yes, give it to me; Ill give you my swimming suit./ He is taking off his

swimming suit and giving to Zak. /Olivia: You two are naked!Rockiss: Two of us are naked.

Boy: You and me are naked, honey and I am cold.Rokiss: I am cold, too.

Boy: I all kiss you and make you warm./ He kisses her. /Rockiss: I am warm now./ He kisses her. /

I am hot now./ He kisses her. /I will explode now.

/ In that moment it can be heard explosion. /

Rockiss: What happened?Driver: I was playing with the fire cracker and burnt your swimming suit.

Zak: Here you are mine. Burnt it!/ Pause. /And you Olivia would you give the driver your swimming suit to burnt it.?


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Olivia: I dont now what to sayZak: Olivia, I am asking you again would you give to driver your swimming

suit to burn it?Olivia: To burnt it?!

Zak: Tell me yes or no Olivia. Yes or no Olivia! Would you give to driver your

swimming suit to burn it?/ Big pause. /Olivia: Yes, my darling, of course I would give to driver my swimming suit toburnt it./ She is putting of her swimming suit and giving to driver. /

Zak: I wont give my swimming suit to driver to burn it. I paid it hundredbucks.

Olivia: You want me naked and now you dont want to give driver yourswimming suit to burn it?!

Zak: I am not a fool.

Olivia: But you want me to give driver my swimming suit to burn it!Zak: Thats true.

Olivia: Than you give your swimming suit to driver to burn it!

Zak: I am not an idiot. I dont want to lose hundred bucks.Olivia: Ill give you hundred bucks.Zak: Give me 200 buck. Ive seen nice swimming suit for 200 buck.

Olivia: Ill buy you five swimming suits, but give your swimming suit to driver toburn it!

Zak: All right Olivia. That means you like me. You want to buy me five

swimming suits./ To the driver. / Here you are my swimming suit!Driver: Wardrobe 5 bucks.

Zak: I told you to burn it.Driver: If you want to leave your swimming suit to me, I must ask for 5 bucks

wardrobe.Zak: Do you believe in God?

Driver: Of course I believe in God!Zak: God will pay you 5 bucks.

/ He is giving him his swimming suit. /

Olivia: I am cold now.Zak: Ill kiss you and make you warm!/ He kisses her. /

Olivia: I am warm know!/ He kisses her. /I am hot now!/ He kisses her. /

I will explode!

/ We can hear an explosion. Driver is playing with firecrackers again. /

Driver: Listen to me you four naked people! Your swimming suits are burnt. I am

going know! I have a date with a girlfriend!Zak: Turn off your motor and listen to me! / Pause. /

Olivia: I and Zak met in the water, how romantic!Rockiss: Me and hot Sharl met in the cold water, how erotic!


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Boy: / To the driver. / You cant leave us in the water!Driver: Why? You are hot anyway.

Boy: Not that hot.Driver: Ill slap you and make you hot for a minute.

Zak: Enough jokes you driver!

Driver: One more joke, please!Zak: Okay, but only one.Driver: Look at the sky, please!

Olivia: Jet airplane!Rockiss: Leaving its white trace!

Driver: Thats what I want to do! To leave white trace. Watch me!

/ He is turning on his motor with a big noise and start going away from four

naked people with a big speed leaving white trace of froth behind/

Zak: Sarl, he just left us.

Sarl: I can see that.Zak: He said he is going to meet his girlfriend.Sarl: Now he can tell his girlfriend a good joke, how he left us in the water

Zak: I cant even see the boat anymore!Olivia: Look at that!Rockiss: Beautiful white trace it is leaving!

Zak: Where? I cant see the boat anymore!Olivia: I mean jet airplane!

Sarl: Does anybody mansion jet air plane before?Zak: Yeas, the driver of a boat, remember his last words?

Rockiss: But look at that; jet airplane is leaving black trace now!Olivia: Beautiful black trace! It smells on danger!

Zak: Look at that! It will crash into the water!Sarl: We are far away.

Rockiss: Lucky four of us!

/ Big explosion can be heard. Jet airplane crash into the water and

explode. /

Olivia: Jesus Christ, like in a movie!Rockiss: Which one?

Olivia: War movie!Rockiss: I am afraid of war movies!

Olivia: Me, too. Hey, you boys, try to do something! We are afraid of warmovies!

Roskiss: Yea, do something Sarl, Yaks, I am afraid!

Sarl: Look at me and you wont bee afraid.Rockiss: I am looking at your green eyes and feels like running through a green

field to green forest where Ill be safe./ To Olivia. / Try to look at Zakseyes and youll be safe.


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Olivia: I am looking at your black eyes Zak, but they remind me on black smokefrom jet airplane before it crashed. I am so afraid.

Zak: Darling, dont say that. Ill put on green lenses; youll love it.Sarl: Boat is approaching!

Zak: Okay girls, I and driver had an agreement for a joke. Of course he is

coming to get us to the restaurant Little Paris.Olivia: I am hungry.Zak: First little waves from a boat!

/ Boat comes and we can see black face of a driver. /

Zak: What happened?Driver: Jet airplane crashed on my head. Little bit of black powder on my face, but

nothing serious.Sarl: Who was on the air plane?

Driver: Only pilot.

Zak: Is he alive?Driver: Of course, he is alive. Pilot is here on the boat. Eating in the kitchen. I toldhim not to eat before we come to the restaurant Little Paris, but he is

stubborn as a mule.

/ Next shot is in the restaurant Little Paris and we can see Olivia, Rockiss,

Zak, Sarl, driver and pilot sitting on the table eating. /

Olivia: You both survive air crash as I can see.

Pilot: Little black powder on my face, but nothing serious.Driver: Director recorded on tape your crash on my boat.

Pilot: It was fabulous. My jet airplane crashed on your boat! They shoot thecrash!

Driver: I earned ten grand.Pilot: Me too. I got ten grand and I am the pilot of jet airplane. It isnt fair!Driver: What do you mean it isnt fair?! To drive a boat doesnt mean anything to

you?! You crashed on my head!Pilot: Probably you are right. Anyway, I landed on your head.

/ Waiter is approaching with scampi and wine. /

Waiter: Bon juer you hungry bunch! Scampi magnificent! The oldest white wine!

Its not our magnificent red, but it wont leave spots on your clothing!Olivia: Thank you, it looks magnificent!Rockiss: I am hungry like a wolf.

Olivia: Don't be hungry as a wolf. There are lots of us here.Zak: You can eat as much as you want. You can even eat the waiter if you

want, is that right waiter?Waiter: Girls can bite me all day long!


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/ Waiter leaves. /

/ Everybody starting sucking scampi in the ritam of the music. At the end of

a Marc Bolan song Children of a revolution plates are empty. /

Zak: I presume everybody is hungry now.Sarl: After these scampi I could eat the whole lamb!

Olivia: Me, too.Rockiss: Me, too.

Driverof a boat: Air plane crashed on my head. I could eat two whole lambs.Pilot: I landed on your head and now you are bold. I can eat three whole lambs.

Zak: That means we are going to order 12 whole lambs.Olivia: That means you will eat four whole lambs my darling

Zak: Yes my darling, I will eat four whole lambs. When I am in love I am quite

hungry. Waiter, bring us please 12 whole lambs. We are very hungryWaiter: Sorry Sir, the rule of our house is not to put on weight on our customers.For that reason I will give you six portion of lamb as I can see there are six

of you.Olivia: Waiter is right; I dont want to put on weight!Rockiss: Me, too. Jesus Christ, how smart is owner of this house!

Zak: / To the waiter. /You see, girls respect your rule, and we must follow thegirls! So, bring us then six portions of lambs.

Waiter: Everything you want, Sir.Sarl: With red wine now, please.

Zak: I dont intend to change wine, Zak!Sarl: Rockiss just whispered on my ear that she want red spots on her lovely

yellow dress.Zak: Of course, of course! We must have red wine!

Waiter: Good choice, Sir. Ill be back in a minute!

/ Waiter leaves. /

/ Everybody is squeaking with knifes, folks and plates in the rhythm of

the music. They also swallow their mouthful in the rhythm of the music. Atthe end of Marc Bolan song Dreamy lady plates are empty. /

Olivia: I wish I could take a nap now!

Zak: As you know, I fulfill all your wishes my dreamy lady. Do you preferwhite or pink pillow?

Olivia: Orange.

Zak: Good. I have only orange anyway.

/ He puts orange pillow on his lap and she fall a sleep immediately. /


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Zak: Snoring like my mother. Pretty like my mother.

/ He takes a picture of her with his photo.

She woke up.

Olivia: I had a dream.

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sandra no. - 'i had a french lover

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