sardar joke

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    Here are some surd achievements*********************************

    A sardarji was working as editor in a dailynewspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay todeliver a speech about railway departmentimprovements. His coach was the last coach in thetrain. The train was moving very fast and sosardarjis coach was jerking heavily. This madehim not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by theevent! ne"t day in the meeting! his first pointtowards improvement of railway deparrtment was##There should not be last coach in any train.##

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    Banta singh finished his %nglish e"am and cameout. His friends asked him how did he do hise"am! for that he replied #%"am was okay! but forthe past tense of TH&'(! & thought! thought!thought ... and atlast & wrote TH)'( #

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    +ardar gets an oppurtunity to fly to a near bycountry. +ardar never has been on an airplaneanywhere and got so e"cited and tensed. As soonas he boarded the plane! a BO%&', --! startedjumping in e"citement! running over seat to seatand shouting BO%&', BO%&', BO%&',BO%&',..... He forgets whats around! and eventhe pilot in the cock/pit could hear the noise.Annoyed by the sound! the 0ilot came out andshouted B% +&1%'T. There was pin/drop silenceevery where and everybody is looking at the +ardarand the angry 0ilot. +ardar starred at the 0ilotin silence for a moment and all of a suddenstarted shouting! O%&', O%&', O%&',O%&',....

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    Two +ardarjis went into a pub and after orderingtwo beers took some sandwiches out of theirpackets and started to eat them. 2ou cant eatyour own sandwiches in here! complained thepub/owner. +o the two sardars swapped theirsandwiches.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    3r. 4aswanth singh went to a grocery storescollected the grocery and came to the counter and

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    person at the counter started preparing bill forthe items. +ingh asked # 5here is the fat 6# !person didnt understand what singh was saying andsaid # %"cuse me sir! 7AT666# +ardar 8 #2es 7at!,ive me the fat# +ardar started shouting andarguing with the person and all people gatheredand 3anager of that grocery stores came there andasked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said!Hey 3anager 1ook! & took a yogurt from yourstores and it was written #7AT 79%%# on that butthis guy is not giving me the fat.

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    &n a party one of :ail +inghs friends asked himHow many chappathis he could eat in an emptystomach. :ail replied #+even#. Then his friendtold him #5hen ) eat the first chappathi yourstomach is no longer empty .Then how can ) eatseven 66#. :ail was impressed by this tricky

    ;uestion. +o as soon as he went back home heasked his wife # How many chappathis can you eatin an empty stomach 66#. +he replied #7ive#.Then :ail told # +hit &f only you had toldseven & had a nice reply for it#$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of+ardarji being called fools. +o he decides tofool the others and show them that they too arefools. Our friend goes to the top of (utubminarin delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot ofinterest. +omebody taps him on the back and asks!#+ardarji what r u looking# our freind replies#sssssshhhhhhh! +tand in the line..# Aftersometime !somebody asks the same ;uestion to thesecond guy and he gives the same reply. This goeson . After a while our freind sees that the linehas reached the bottom of kutubinar. +o he feelsvery happy that he has succeeded in fooling somany people < decides to tell turn back. He doesso ! and... H% +%%+ A 1&'% O7 +A9=A94&+ A11 TH%5A2 TO TH% BOTTO3

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    +ardar ,urbachan +ingh is appearing for his

    )niversity final e"amination which consists of 2>'type ;uestions. He takes his seat in the%"amination hall! stares at the ;uestion paper forfive minutes! and then in a fit of inspirationtakes his wallet out! removes a coin and startstossing the coin and marking the answer sheet / 2for Heads and ' for Tails. 5ithin half an hour heis all done whereas the rest of the class issweating it out. =uring the last few minutes! heis seen desperatley throwing the coin! swearing

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    and sweating. The invigilator!alarmed! approacheshim and asks what is going on. #Oye! & finishedthe e"am in half an hour#. #But yaar#! he says! #& am rechecking my answers.#

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    Here is the unpublished paper for 0%3%% ?0unjab%ngineering and 3edical %ntrance %"amination@

    /0)'4AB %',&'%%9&', < 3%=&A1 %'T9A'% %A3/

    Time 1imit8 C 5eeks

    D. 5hat language is spoken in Tamil 'adu 6

    E. ,ive a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian %mpire with particular reference to architecture! literature! law and social conditions

    /O9/

    give the first name of 0ierre Trudeau.

    C. 5ould you ask 5illiam +hakespeare to ?a@ build a bridge ?b@sail the ocean ?c@ lead an army or ?d@ 59&T% A 01A2

    . 5hat religion is the 0ope6

    ?a@ 4ewish ?b@ atholic ?c@ Hindu ?d@ 0olish ?e@Agnostic ?check only one@

    F. 3etric conversion. How many feet is G.Gmeters6

    . 5hat time is it when the big hand is on the DE and the little hand is on the F6

    -. How many commandments was 3oses given6?appro"imately@

    I. 5hat are people in &ndias far north called6 ?a@ 5esterners ?b@ +outherners ?c@ 'ortherners

    J. +pell/ Bush! arter and linton

    DG. +i" kings of &ndia have been called Akbar !the last one being Akbar the +i"th. 'ame the previous five.

    DD. 5here does rain come from6 ?a@ 3acys ?b@ a-/DD ?c@ anada ?d@ the sky

    DE. an you e"plain %insteins Theory of9elativity6 ?a@ yes ?b@ no

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    DC. 5hat are coat hangers used for6

    D. The #4ana ,ana 3ana # is the 'ational Anthemfor what country6

    DF. %"plain 1e hateliers 0rinciple of =ynamic%;uilibrium

    /O9/

    spell your name in B1O( 1%TT%9+.

    D. 5here is the basement in a three storybuilding located6

    D-. 5hich part of &ndia produces the most oranges6 ?a@,ujarat ?b@ 9ussia ?c@ anada ?d@ 0akistan

    DI. Advanced math. &f you have three apples howmany apples do you have6

    DJ. 5hat does A&9 ?All &ndia 9adio@ stand for6

    EG. The )niversity of handigarh tradition for efficiency began when ?appro"imately@6 ?a@ B.. ?b@ A.=. ?c@ still waiting

    2ou must answer at least three ;uestions correctlyto ;ualify.

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    A sardarji is standing on platform no.D waitingfor the punjab mail toarrive. There is ananouncement #0assengers to note.. Train no EC dn0unjab mail from 'ew =elhi will be arriving onKplatformK no.D shortly.# Hearing this sardarji

    gets panicky..He immediately picked up hisbaggage! jumped on to the railway track and stoodthere..

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    +ardarji is not sleeping with his wife these daysbecause somebody had told him that it is wrong tosleep with married women..

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    7ifteen minutes into the flight from (ansas ityto Toronto! the captain announced! #1adies andgentlemen! one of our engines has failed.. Thereis nothing to worry about. Our flight will takean hour longer than scheduled! but we still havethree engines left.# Thirty minutes later thecaptain announced! #One more engine has failed andthe flight will take an additional two hours. Butdont worry ... we can fly just fine on twoengines.# An hour later the captain announced!#One more engine has failed and our arrival willbe delayed another three hours. But dont worry... we still have one engine left.# A sardarjipassenger turned to the man in the ne"t seat andremarked! #&f we lose one more engine! well be uphere all day#

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    =iana murder mystery solved The latest theory isthat the driver of the 3ercedes! Henri 0aul! wasactually a sardar whose family migrated to 7rancewhen he was C yrs old. His name was Harvinder+ingh 0al! and later he changed it to Henri 0aul.But what is in a name! after all Once a surd!always a surd

    And so when the 0aparaLLi chasing the car shouted=iana! =iana ! at IG mph ! Harvinder tried to takea right turn.? daina right in hindi ...........The rest! as they say! is history....................@

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    Three men were applying for the same job as adetective. One was a +ardarji! one was 4ewish!and one was &talian. The chief decided to askeach applicant just one ;uestion and base hisdecision upon that answer. 5hen the 4ewish manarrived for his interview! the chief asked him!#5ho killed 4esus hrist6# The 4ewish man

    answered without hesitation #The 9omans killedhim.# The chief thanked him and he left. 5henthe &talian man arrived for his interview! thechief asked the same ;uestion. He replied #4esuswas killed by the 4ews.# Again! the chief thankedthe man who then left. 7inally the +ardarjiarrived for his interview! he was asked the same;uestion. He thought for a long time! beforesaying! #ould & have some time to think aboutit6# The chief said! #O(! but get back to me

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    tomorrow.# 5hen the +ardarji arrived home! hiswife asked #How was the interview 6#. 0at camethe reply! #,reat! & got the job! and &m alreadyinvestigating a murder.

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    One day there was a Bihari going in a 7iat ar atF(30H on a high way and enjoying his drive.+uddenly a +ardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on aHonda and peeped into the car and shouted at theBihari / (abhi honda chalaya kya6 and spedoff! The Bihari was surprised but he did notbother. After some time the +ardarji cameBooiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction!peeped into the car and shouted again kabhihonda chalaya kya6 and sped off ! This time the

    Bihari was annoyed ! since the sardar was teasingabout his driving. After some time again the+ardar came back speeding and said the same thingpeeping into the car . The Bihari was about tosay something but the +ardar sped off. This timethe Bihari increased his speed but suddenlystopped as he found the +ardar lying on the road!bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar (yon +ardarji ! (abhi Honda chalaye kya6 Thesardar said 5ohi to puch raha tha ! 3ein Brakeske liya doond raha tha

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    +anta and Banta +ingh were bitter enemies. +antalived on the Dst and Banta on the -th floor of thesame building. One day the lift was out of orderand Banta +ingh decided to play a trick on +antaand called him for dinner to his house at -8CG pm.+o +anta huffing and puffing manages to reach the-th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock onthe door and a message / HA HA )11) BA'A =&A+anta is angry but thinks a lot and finally writeshis reply below Bantas message / 3A&' TO 2AHA'

    AA2A H& 'AH&' THA

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    There was a +ardarji who was down on his luck. &norder to raise some money he decided to kidnap akid and hold him for ransom. He went to theplayground! grabbed a kid! took him behind a tree!and told him! #&ve kidnapped you.# The +ardarjithen wrote a note saying8 #&ve kidnapped yourkid. Tomorrow morning! put MDG!GGG in a paper bag< put it beneath the mango tree ne"t to the slideon the north side of the city play ground#.+igned! #A +ardarji#. The +ardarji then pinnedthe note to the kids shirt and sent him home toshow it to his parents. The ne"t morning the+ardarji checked! and sure enough a paper bag wassitting beneath the mango tree. The +ardarjiopened up the bag and found the MDG!GGG with anote saying! #How could you do this to a fellow+ardarji 6#

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    Hi friends! 1et us take a look at the reportsubmitted by sardar to his manager aftercompleting his 2E( verification task.

    **********sardar.t"t**********

    =ear +ir! Our staff has completed the DI months ofwork on time and on budget. 5e have gone throughevery line of code in every program in everysystem. 5e have analyLed all databases! all datafiles! including backups and historic archives!and modified all data to reflect the change. 5eare proud to report that we have completed the#2/to/(# date change mission! and have nowimplemented all changes to all rams and all datato reflect your new standards8 4anuark! 7ebruark!3arch! April! 3ak! 4une! 4ulk! August! +eptember!October! 'ovember! =ecember As well as8 +undak!3ondak! Tuesdak! 5ednesdak Thursdak! 7ridak!+aturdak & trust that this is satisfactory!because to be honest! none of this 2 to ( problemhas made any sense to me. But & understand it isa global problem! and our team is glad to help inany way possible. And what does the year EGGGhave to do with it6 +peaking of which! what doyou think we ought to do ne"t year when the two

    digit year rolls over from JJ to GG6 5ell awaityour direction.#

    Nery +incerely & +ingh 2E( 0roject leader

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    H%9% A9% +O3% +A9=A94& 4O(%+ ......... %'4O2

    2ou should be sure the person is +ardar when he8

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    0uts lipstick on the forehead because he wants tomakeup his mind.

    ,ets stabbed in a shoot out.

    +ends a fa" with a postage stamp on it.

    Tries to drown a fish in waters.

    Thinks socialism means partying.

    Trips over a cordless phone.

    Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

    At the bottom of the application where it says#+ign Here# he puts #+agittarius.#

    +tudies for a blood test and fails.

    +ells the car for gas money.

    3isses the bus! and takes the EE twice instead.

    =rives to the airport and sees a sign that said!#Airport left#! he turns around and goes home.

    ,ets locked in 7urniture +hop and sleeps on thefloor.

    8 #Have you ever read +hakespeare6# +ardar8#'o! who wrote it6#

    +ardar ordered a piLLa and the clerk asked if heshould cut it in si" or twelve pieces. #+i"!please. & could never eat twelve pieces.#

    5hy did DI sardarjis go to a movie6 Because belowDI was not allowed.

    How do you measure a +ardars intelligence6+tick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.

    5hat do you do when a +ardar throws a pin at you69un like Hell....hes got a hand grenade in hismouth.

    How do you make a +ardar laugh on +aturday6 Tellhim a joke on 5ednesday.

    5hat is the +ardar doing when he holds his handstightly over his ears6 Trying to hold on to athought.

    5hy do +ardars work seven days a week6 +o youdont have to re/train them on 3onday.

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    5hy cant +ardars make ice cubes6 They alwaysforget the recipe.

    How did the +ardar try to kill the bird6 He threwit off a cliff.

    5hat do you call DG +ardars standing ear to ear6A wind tunnel.

    5hat do you see when you look into a +ardarseyes6 The back of his head.

    5hat do you do when a +ardar throws a handgrenade at you6 0ull the pin and throw it back.

    5hat do you call a sardar who drinks only beer64ust/beer +ingh ?T silent@.

    5hat do you call a sardar who has only one drink64ust/one +ingh.?Again! T silent@

    5hy do +ardars always smile during lightningstorms6 They think their picture is being taken.

    5hy does +ardar have #T,&7# written on theirshoes6 Toes ,o &n 7irst.

    How can you tell when +ardar sends you a fa"6 &thas a stamp on it.

    5hy cant +ardar dial JDD6 They can not find theeleven on the phone

    How do you get +ardar on the roof6 Tell him thedrinks are on the house.

    #Oh! look at the dead bird.# +ardar lookedskyward and said #5here! 5here6

    5hat do smart +ardars and )7Os have in common62ou always hear about them but you never see them.

    5hy does it take longer to build a +ardar snowmanas opposed to a regular one6 2ou have to hollowout the head.

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    +A9=A9+ B35

    B35 cars were having back mounted engines earlier.+ardar Hari +ingh 0urchased a new B35 and wasdriving back to home very happily. On the way thecar broke down. +ardarji came out of the car andopened the bonnet! trying to fi" up the problem.&mmediately began to sweat. By that time +ardar

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    ,ani +ingh came by that way and saw our sardarji!totally confused and sweating! trying to searchsomething inside the bonnet! and asked him whatwas the matter. Hari +ingh8 #The B35 people mademe fool. They have given me the ar without theengine.# ,ani +ingh8 #=ont worry. & have spareengine in the back of my B35. 2ou can take that.#

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    TO 1OO+% 5%&,HT...

    The doctor told +ardarji that if he ran eightkilometers a day for CGG days! he would loose Ckilos. At the end of CGG days! +ardarji calledthe doctor to report he had lost the weight! buthe had a problem. #5hats the problem6#asked thedoctor. #&m EGG kms from home.#

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    +0A9% BO3B

    +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh got fed up withthe &ndian ,ovt and decided to blow up theparliament. They took E bombs! put them in asuitcase in the front seat of their car and setoff. Hari +ingh asks #5hat happens if the bombsblast off now#. ,ani +ingh says #=ont worry. &have a spare bomb in the back seat#

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    +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh walked towardeach other on a country road. Hari +ingh carrieda burlap bag over his shoulder. #Hey Bhai!# ,ani+ingh drawled! #whats in the bag6# #hickens!#was the reply. #&f & guess how many! can & haveone6# #2ou can have both of them.# #O(! 7ive6#

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    Our +ardar is walking down the street and sees aman jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling#I! I! I#. He asks the man! #%"cuse me! butwhy are you jumping up and down on this manholecover and yelling I! I! I6# The man says!

    #5ell! & cant tell you that! but if you reallywant to know! & can let you go under there andfind out. He thinks for a moment! then hiscuriosity gets the better of him! and he says!Okay.# The man lifts the manhole cover! He stepsinto the manhole! and the man puts the manholecover back and starts jumping up and down on ityelling #I-! I-! I-#...

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    %301O23%'T6

    Our sardarji was filling up an application formfor a job. He promptly filled the columns titled'A3%!A,%!A==9%++ etc. Then he came to the column+alary %"pected 8 He was not sure as to what tobe filled there. After much thought he wrote 82es

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    AT &'=O/0A( 5A9

    Once in the &ndo 0akistan war! 0akistan wasfighting fiercely and capturing everything insight. A sikh camp called ,urudwara hideout wascrucial to defend from the pakistanis as itcontained all the defence secrets. The pakistaniforces surrounded the base and the sikhs had

    thought that they had lost the battle but!suddenly out of the bushes jumps ptn. Hari +inghwearing a 3aachar dani ?mos;uito net@ He 0ullsout his A(/- rifle and fires like mad. Thepakistanis run off ;uickly. The ne"t day Hari+ingh gets a medal.His freinds ask him #2aar thumaachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha6# Hari +inghreplies #3aachar daani itni patli hote hain kiagar maachar nahin ghus sakte! goli kahan seghussenghi6 &n the following war Hari +inghretires and his son ,ani +ingh ?'o Assumptions0lease@ joins the army. 0akistanis are againsurrounding the ,urudwara hideout! the sikhs againthink theyve lost the war but out of the busheserupts ,ani +ingh wearning nothing he tries doshoo away the pakistanis like his father did butinstead gets shot.&n the hospital his friends tellhim #aare yaar! therre bap me to itni akal thi kivo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha! aur tu nungachale gaya# ,ani +ingh replies #aare yaar main thoodomos lage ke gaya tha#

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    H%&,HT+ O7 9%N%',%

    Talking about those days when there were no

    mos;uito repellents and wehad to spend sleeplessnights. +ardarji was also e"periencing the sameevery time he tries to sleep!one mos;uito comesand disturbs his sleep with a sound #guooonn!guooonn.# He getsvery irritated. He tries tocover his ear but the problem remains persistent.)ltimately he gets up and catches the mos;uito inhis hand.He is very kind and not for the bloodshed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy ashe is now starts singing a lullaby and says #so ja

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    machchar! bete so ja#. After some time he findsthe mos;uito falling in to deep sleep in hishands. +o he goes near it and says #,uoooonnnnn!guoooonnnnn.#

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    =O)B1% =%(%9 B)+ 9&=%

    +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh landed up in Bombay.They managed to get into a double/ decker bus.+anta +ingh somehow managed to get a bottom seat!But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.After a while when the rush is over! +anta wentupstairs to see friend Bannta +ingh. He met Bantain a bad condition clutching the seats in frontwith both hands! scared to death. He says! #AreBanta +ingh 5hat the hecks goin on6 5hy areyou so scared 6 & was enjoying my ride down there6# +cared Banta replies. #2eah! but youve got a

    driver.

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    HA'=&,A9H O9 4A1A'=HA9

    sardar was going to handigarh from pune by aair/india plane. He was alloted the middle seatof one of the C/seats array. But as soon as thesardarji got into the plane! he sat on the windowside seat which was actually for an old lady.Aftersome time the old lady came and re;uested thesardarji to leave the side seat. But the +ardajitold8 #& want to see the view from the window andshall not leave#. The old lady then complained tothe air hostess. The air hostess came andre;uested the sardarji to leave that seat. Butsardarji was adament and did not to leave. Thenthe air hostess went and told the asst capt. Healso came and re;uested! but in vain. 7inally theaptain came. He whispered something in the earsof the +ardarji! and the sardarji immedietly lefttheside seat and returned to the middle seat.Astonished! the airhostess and the asst. capt.asked the capt.what he told to the +ardarji apt.replied8 #nothing. & just told him that only themiddle seats will go to handigarh. All others

    will go to 4alandhar.#

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    +A9=A9 TH&%7

    +anta +ingh was shifting his residence. He waspacking his belongings. By midnight hewas tootired and doLed off with the house door open. Asound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables.

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    Banta +ingh found it very amusingP the thief wasdoing the job for him #5hen this smart guyfinishes packing! & will catch him#. Banta was ahefty guyP so when the burglar finished packing!Banta +ingh jumped on him and tied him up. Thenhe went to the police station and reported thematter. #5hat did you do to the thief#6 #& tiedhis handsP you come and collect him#. #& hope youtied his legs too#. Banta +ingh felt a coldfeeling in his spineP he had forgotten about thelegs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheeredup and said! #&nspector +ab! the thief! he willstill be there#. #How do you know#6 #5ell! thatfellow is also a +ardarji#.

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    (HA1&+TA' 4O(%+

    (halistan 'ational =rink8 +arbat (halsa.

    (halistan 'ational Bird8 Tandoori hicken.

    &nternational Airline8 (itthe 0acific.

    'ational Airline8 &tthe 0acific.

    'ational Anthem8 +ten/a gun/a man/a

    'ational Ta"i +ervice8 (ar +eva.

    'ational song8 Bande marte hum.

    7emale terrorist8 Hard (aur.

    'ational dish8 A(A1&/=AA1.

    +ikh scuba diver8 4)11/)'=%9 +&',H.

    Better adapted sikh diver8 4)11)'=%9 +&',H ,&11.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    09O7%++O9 +A9=A9

    +ardar +ingh was very keen on doing his 0h.=. He

    was in search of a subject on which no one did anyresearch before As he was thinking over it! hefound a cockroach on the table in from of him. Hedecided instantly to do a research on the roach.He picked the roach and put it in the centre ofthe table and said8 #9un#. The roach ran. Hepulled out one leg of the roach! put it again inthe centre of the table and said8 #9un#. Theroach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach!put it again in the centre of the table and said8

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    #9un#. The roach ran. This way the roach triedto run even when it had just one leg. He pulledlast leg of the roach! put it again in the centreof the table and said8 9un#. The roach couldnot Our 0rofessor was satisfied with his studyand started writing his thesis8 #5hen you pullout all the legs of a roach! it cannot hearanymore#.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    O1O9 TN

    +ardarji is buying a TN.#=o you have color TNs6##+ure.# #,ive me a green one! please.#

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    9OO=&1% BOOT+

    +ardarji proposes to a woman. +he says yes if youbring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets offto Africa and disappears. 7inally a search isbeing made! they find him hunting crocodiles andwatch him killing a huge one . He walks over thereptile! checks its legs and angrily e"claims#-Dst and again barefeet#$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    1O', 71&,HT

    +ardarji calls Air &ndia. #How long does it taketo fly to Amritsar6# # 4ust a sec!# comes ananswer #Thank you.# says the +ardarji and hangsup

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    T9A&' TO 1)=H&A'A

    +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh are in a railwaystation. Hari +ingh asks the clerk8 #an & takethis train to 1udhiana6# #'o!# answers the9ailway man. #an &6# asks ,ani +ingh.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    +ardars Business There were sardars in 3umbai.They decided to start a business. Afterconsiderable discussion they finally decided tostart a hotel. They selected the best oflocations and cooks and built the hotel. Thehotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its firstcustomer. The sardars waited and waited butnobody turned up. The story was the same the ne"tday. A week passed! but nobody turned up. 5H2 6........... BcoL there was a sign at the entrance

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    #Nisitors not allowed# After the failure of theirhotel they decided to start an auto garage. Theybought the best of car servicing e;uipments andsoon started the garage. The sardars waitedthat day for the first car to arrive but no carentered their garage. They waited for one day! Edays! a week but no car came to their garage. 5H26 BcoL their garage was on the first floor.After this failure they decided to fall back onthe good old ta"i driving. They bought a new0remier 0admini running on ', and began to lookfor passengers. They drew past hurchgate butnobody hailed their ta"i. They went to 'arimanpoint yet nobody hailed their ta"i. They drove tohatrapati +hivaji Terminus! even there nobodyhailed their ta"i. &n desperation they kept ondriving all around 3umbai but alas no one hailedtheir ta"i. 5H2 6 BcoL all the four sardarswere sitting in the ta"i All the sardars werevery disgusted with their naseeb and decided to

    push their ta"i into the sea at 3arine 1ines.They started pushing their ta"i. They pushed thewhole day and were very e"hausted but the ta"i didnot move even an inch. They decided to rest forthe night and start the ne"t day. The ne"t daythe story repeated itself. The ta"i just wouldntmove. They pushed for a whole week but the ta"iwouldnt budge. 5H2 6 BcoL two sardarjis werepushing from front and two from behind.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    +uicidal +ardar An American! an &talian and a +urdwere doing construction work on scaffolding on theEGth floor of a building... They were eatinglunch and the American said! #orned beef andcabbage &f & get corned beef and cabbage onemore time for lunch &m going to jump off thisbuilding.# The &talian opened his lunch bo" ande"claimed! #0asta again &f & get pasta one moretime &m going to jump off! too.# The +urd openedhis lunch and said! #0aratha and dal again. &f &get paratha and daal one more time &m jumpingtoo.# 'e"t day / The American opens his lunchbo"! sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to hisdeath. The &talian opens his lunch! sees pastaand jumps The +urd opens his lunch! sees paratha

    and daal and jumps to his death also... At thefuneral..... The Americans wife is weeping...+hesays! #&f &d known how really tired he was ofcorned beef < cabbage! & never would have given itto him again The &talians wife also weeps andsays # & could have given him piLLa or lasagna &didnt realiLe he hated pasta so much.# %veryoneturned and stared at the +urds wife... #Hey!dont look at me!# she said! #He makes his ownlunch#

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    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    +urd 7reedom 7ighters Once there was a meeting ofall the +urd freedom fighters. They were planningfor free 0unjab. +anta +ingh raised a point!#Oh.. well get 0unjab from &ndia but how wouldwe develop it6# That was a difficult ;uestionindeed. +uddenly Banta +ingh replied! #'oproblem well attack )+A! it would take over usand then we would be a state of )+A and wellautomatically get developed.# All the surdsbecame happy on this very simple solution but anold surd did not utter a single word. +omeoneasked him why he wasnt happy. The surd replied!#OH THAT+ A19&,HT B)T..5HAT 5O)1= HA00%' &7 B2HA'% 5% TA(% ON%9 )+A 66666#

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    +urd with his new 3aruti +ardarji bought a brandnew 3aruti and decided to drive down fromAmritsar! where he lived! to 4alandhar to meet hisfriend. He reached there in a few hours. Afterspending a few days there! he decided to return!and called up his mother to e"pect him in theevening. But he didnt reach in the evening! andnot the ne"t day either. 5hen he finally reachedhome on the third day! his disrtraut mother ranand asked him # Arre 0uttar! ki hoya 6# Thesardarji got out! obviously very tired from a longjourney! and said! #Oy! ye 3rutti wale pagal hogaye nain! agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaaenain! aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik 6#

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    The Train =river One train which was goingpeacefully on the rail/tracks suddenly deviatedfrom the tracks and went to the fields nearby andthen came back on the tracks. The passengers werehorrified. On the ne"t 9ailway station the driverwas caught 8 He was found to be a +ardar. 5henhe was ;uestioned. He e"plained that there was aman standing on the track and he was not movingfrom there even after lots of honks etc . Thenauthorities ;uestioned 8 +ardarji are you mad

    just to save life of one person you put life of somany passengers under danger. 2ou should have runover that person . +ardar said 8 %"actly! thatis what & also decided! but this idiot startedrunning towards the field when the train came veryclose.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    The ,raffiti +anta +ingh was walking on the roadand paused to read the graffiti on the wall. &t

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    read #0adne waala gadha.# ?one who reads this isan ass@ +anta +ingh sat on a nearby bench! andafter much thought erased it and wrote #1ikhnewaala ,hadah#. ?One who wrote this is an ass@

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    +ardarji is traveling in the same traincompartment with a girl. He pulls out a metalplate and starts playing it #=ing. =ing.=ing.#The girl gets annoyed #2ou stop that.# He stopsand they travel for a while. Then when the nightcomes the girl takes off her clothes! looks athim and asks #=o you want to do &T6# He says#2es#. #,oahead.# He pulls out his plate andstarts playing #=ing. =ing. =ing.#

    ****************************************************%liLabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. %verybodyaround greeted her. +ince the plane was crowdedshe had difficulty in finding a seat. +he saw our+ardar Balwinder +ingh who was sitting ne"t to avacant seat.+he went up to him and introducedherself saying in her cool se"y voice! #Hi! & am%liLabeth Taylor... 1iL to you.# Balwinder wasbewildered but immediately responded! #Hi & amBalwinder .. Balls to you.#

    ****************************************************

    Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. Oneof them was crying like anything. +o the otherasked!#5hy are you crying6# The first onereplied! #& came here for blood test# +econd oneasked!#+o6 Are you afraid6# 7irst onereplied!#'o! not that. =uring the blood test theycut my finger# Hearing this the second one startedcrying.The first one was astonished and askedother! #5hy are you crying6# The other replied!#&have come for my urine test.#

    ****************************************************

    There were these three guys! a surd! an &talian!

    and a 4ewish guy.They all worked together at afactory. %veryday they notice that theirbossleaves work a little early. +o one day they meettogether and say that today when the bossleaves!theyll all leave early too. The boss left and sodid they. The4ewish guy goes home and goes torest so he can get an early start. The&talian guygoes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes homeand walks to his bedroom.... He opens the doorslowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..

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    He shuts the door and hurries out of the houseThe ne"t day the &talian and 4ewish guys aretalking and plan to go home early again. They askBanta if he wants to leave early againand hesays!#no.# They ask him why not and he says!#because yesterday & almost got caught.#

    **************************************************

    Theres a funeral procession of a sardar goingon a busy street. Allthe sardars in the mayyatare dancing the bhangra and singing and generalballe balle is on. The people on the streetfind it strange that instead of mourning everyoneis celebrating as if its a marriagebaarat. +o oneof them asks +anta +ingh! #+ingh saab! aapka koisage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho6#...... comes the reply! #Ha ji Hai hi baat badekhushi ki Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain*tumour se mara hai #

    *************************************************

    +anta and Banta work in a software company. Oneday! they were to move their m>cs to anotherbuilding. Banta was having a tough timecarryinghis machine. +anta 8 #3y m>c has FGG 3B disk.+ee how easily & am carrying it. 2ours has justEFG 3B. ant you carry even this much6# Banta 8#But yours is empty and my disk is full#

    **********************

    Having lost his donkey a +ardarji! got down to hisknees and started thanking ,od. A passerby sawhim and asked! #2our donkey is missingP what areyou thanking ,od for 6# The sardarji replied #&am thanking Him for seeing to it that &wasntriding the donkey at that time! otherwise & wouldhave been missingtoo.#

    ***********************

    A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor.The doctor askedhim what had happened to his earsand he answered! #& was ironing a shirtand thephone rang / but instead of picking up the phone &

    accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to myear.# #Oh =ear# the doctor e"claimed indisbelief. #But .. what happenedto your otherear6# #The scoundrel called back.#

    *********************

    Our sardarji was filling up an application formfor a job . He promptly filled the columns titled'A3%!A,%!A==9%++ etc. Then the column +%. He

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    was not sure as to what to be filled there.Aftermuch thought he wrote TH9&% A 5%%(. Onseeing this in his appln. form!he was told thatit was wrong and what they wanted it to befilledwas either 3A1% or 7%3A1%. Again our sardarthought for a long time before coming up with theanswer 09%7%9AB12 7%3A1%+.

    *********************

    +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh were sitting on a treeand +anta +inghwas singing a song. After songs+anta +ingh hung himself upside downand startedsinging again. Banta +ingh 8 +anta +ingh what isthe matter with you6 5hy are youhanging upsidedown6 +anta +ingh 8 & am singing the B side.

    *******************

    +ardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be

    going for everyshow of the same movie for a week!when someone stops him and asks! #(yonsardarji!itni aachi lagi kya ki roL har show ke liye aarrahe ho6# +ardarji replies #%k scene hai jahan ekladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi eksaali train saamne se nikal jati hai. +aalitrainkabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh#

    ******************

    +ardarji is trying to commit suicide on therailway tracks and hetakes along some wine andchicken with him. +omebody stops him and asks!#kyon bhai! ye sab kyon leke baithe ho6# +ardarjireplies #+aali train late aati hai kahin bhook senamarjaun#

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    mother of a sarder wrote......

    0yaarey puttar! &m writing this letter slow! because & know you cannot read fast. 5e dont live where we did when you left home. 2our dad read in the paper that most accidents happen EG miles from your home! so we moved. & wont be able to send you the address as the last +ardar

    who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their ne"t house!so they couldnt have to change their address. This place is really nice. &t even has a washing machine situated right above the commode. &m not sure it works too well. 1ast week & put in C shirts! pulled the chain and havent seen them since. The weather here isnt too bad. &t rained only twice last week. The first it rained for C days and second time for days. The coat you

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    wanted me to send you! your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons! so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. 2our father has another job. He has FGG people under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. 2our sister had a baby this morning. & havent found out whether its a girl or a boy! so & dont know whether you are an Aunt or )ncle. 2our uncle! 4atinder fell in a the nearby well. +ome men tried to pull him out! but he fought them off bravely and drowned. 5e re/cremated him and he burned for three days. 2our best friend!Balwinder is no more. He died trying to fulfill his fathers last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died.your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isnt much more news this time. 'othing much has happened. 1ove 3om.

    0. + 8 & was going to send you some money butthe envelope was already sealed.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    The +ardarni asked her lover! +anta +ingh were outon a romantic evening. +he said to him! #+anta=arling! if we get engaged will you give me aring6# #+ure# replied +anta #5hats your phonenumber6#

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.7inally the bus arrives and he gets in. The busis fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarjiorders Bihari to tell a joke. 'ow! the Biharithinks hes in big trouble because he knows onlysardar jokesAfter thinking for some time hedecides to substitute all references to sardarsin his joke with Biharis. He starts the jokeswith! #There was once a Bihari...# And suddenlyhe gets a major blow on his back from one of thesardarjis who shouts! #(yon be +ab sardar margaye hai kya6#

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    +anta +ingh applied for an engineering position atan 3' office in Amritsar. 9eddy from hennaiapplied for the same job and both applicantshaving the same ;ualifications were asked to takea test by the =epartment manager.)pon completionof the test! the results showed that both men only

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    missed one of the ;uestions. The manager went to+anta and said! #Thank you for your interest! butweve decided to give the job to 9eddy#.+anta8#And why would you be doing that6 5e both got J;uestions correct. This being 0unjab & should getthe job# 3anager8 #5e have made our decisionnot on the correct answers! but on the one;uestion that you got wrong.# +anta8 #And justhow would one incorrect answer be better than theother6# 3anager8 #+imple! for the ;uestion thatboth of you got wrong! 9eddy put down & dontknow as the answer.And you wrote 'either do

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    7&9+T 79&%'=8 2ou know! & faced a tiger today

    +%O'= 79&%'=8 Oh really! what happened6

    7&9+T 79&%'=8 The tiger looked into my eyes and &

    looked into his eyes...

    +%O'= 7&9+T8 Then what happened6

    7&9+T 79&%'=8 Then & moved forward...

    +%O'= 79&%'=8 5hat

    7&9+T 79&%'=8 & had to see other animals in theLoo...

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure atthe 4ullundhur Loo. (nowing that he could hophigh! the Loo officials put up a ten/foot fence.He was out the ne"t morning! just saunteringaround the Loo. A twenty/foot fence was put up.Again he got out. 5hen the fence was forty feethigh! a camel in the ne"t enclosure asked thekangaroo! #How high do you think theyll go6# Thekangaroo said! #About a thousand feet! unlesssomebody locks the gate at night#

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    +anta +ingh was brought to court on charges ofdrunken driving. 4ust before the trial there wasa commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded thegravel on his table and shouted! #Order Order#+anta responded immediately! #Thank you ! yourhonour &ll have a scotch and soda.#

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    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh were discussing howthey would like to die. +anta said! #5hen & die!& want to go peacefully like my ,randfather did!in his sleep. & dont want to die screaming likesome of his friends! who also died at the sametime.# Banta asked! #How did his friends diescreaming while your grandfather died sleepingpeacefully6# +anta +ingh replied! #His friendswere the passengers in the car he was driving.#

    /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    sardar jokes......... A number of &ndians were

    discussing who the most 0atriotic &ndian citiLenwas. +ome said they always saluted the 'ationalflag wherever were and hence were the mostpatriotic. Others said that whenever they heardthe national anthem being sung! howsoever faintly!they immediately stood at attention. 1ikewiseeveryone was boasting about how patriotic he>shewas. A +ardarji from 0unjab was keeping mum whilethe discussion happened. %verybody asked him whyhe was so ;uiet. +ome even remarked that the+ardarji was not a true patriot and hence hadnothing to say. Hearing this the +ardarjiimmediately flew into a rage. #& have kept ;uiettill now only because & was felt like crying onhearing your foolish talk about patriotism. Howdoes it benefit the 'ation if you salute the 7lagor do stand at attention on hearing the nationalanthem6 A true patriot should be like me. CFdays! E hours my radio set is tuned to 0akistan9adio at full volume#. #But how is that apatriotic act6# someone asked. The +ardarjisaid! #Arrey you dont understand. &f nothingelse we can at least harm the 0akistanis byconsuming as much of their electricity aspossible#.

    /////////////////////////////////

    D@ A sardarji joined a big 3ulti 'ational ompanyas a trainee. On his first day he dialed thepantry and shouted into the phone!#Abey saale,et me a coffee ;uickly# The voice from theother side responded!#2ou fool youve dialed thewrong e"tension =o you know who youre talkingto! dumbo6# #'o#! replied the trainee. #&ts the3anaging =irector of the company! you fool# The

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    sardarji shouted back! #And do you know who 2O)are talking to! you fool6# #'o.#! replied the3anaging =irector. #,ood#! replied the sardarjiand put down the phone

    ***********************

    E@ One Train which was going peacefully on therail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks andwent to the fields nearby and then came back onthe tracks. The passengers were horrified . Onthe ne"t railway station the driver was caught 8He was found to be a +ardar. He was ;uestioned.He e"plained that there was a man standing on thetracks and he was not moving from there even afterlots of honks etc. The Authorities ;uestioned 8+ardarji are you mad 4ust to save the life ofone person you put the lives of so many passengersin danger6 2ou should have run over that person.+ardarji said8 %"actly That is what i also

    decided !but this idiot started running towardsthe field when the train came very close

    ***********************

    C@ A sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruticar which had done more than DGG!GGGkms. +ince nobody was inclined to buy it! he approached hisfriend to help him dispose it off. The friendadvised him to have the mileage meter readingreduced to around CG!GGG kms so that he could tellthe prospective customer that it has been usedsparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weekslater the same friend met him and en;uired whetherhe was able to dispose off his car. The sardarreplied! #Are you mad6 5ho sells a car which hasdone only CGGGGkms#

    ***********************

    @ Two fast friends! +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh!were great cricket fanatics. They decided thatwhoever dies first will try to come back in thedreams of the other! and tell the other about thericket life in the heaven. +anta +ingh diesfirst. One day as Banta was fast sleep! he heard+anta calling him. He was very happy and was

    eager to know about cricket there. #+o! +antaHow is cricket in heaven6# +anta replied! #HeyBanta! & have good news and bad news. The goodnews is that tomorrow we are going to have a day