school crisis support plan workbook workbook final.pdfsection 1.0 – initial organization between...

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School Crisis Support Plan Workbook:

What to Do When a Child Dies

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Developed by:

Rev. Amy Simpson, M.Div., BCC

Mary Kay Irwin, EdD

Megan Elam, EdD

Joan Elfers

Use the following citation to cite this workbook:

Simpson, A., Irwin, M.K., Elam, M.P., Elfers, J. (2016). School Crisis Support Plan Workbook: What to

Do When a Child Dies. Retrieved from http://www.aphoes.wildapricot.org/page-1470753

http://centerlink.cchmc.org/assets/0/83/84/86/5751/5752/5755/9586/9592/7df8cb49-2ddc-4766-8b3b-e369663d5afb.jpg


http://www.aphoes.wildapricot.org/page-1470753

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Table of Contents

Section 1.0 – Initial Organization between School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain

Reference 1.1 – School Information Worksheet

4 5

Section 2.0 – Contacting the Family

Reference 2.1- Talking with the Family of a Child Still Living

Reference 2.2- Talking with the Family of a Deceased Child

6 7 9

Section 3.0 – Initial Contact with Child’s School

11

Section 4.0 – Gaining Details for the School Administration Meeting and

Preparing Documents

Reference 4.1 - School Visit Preparation

Reference 4.2 - School Visit Schedule

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13 14

Section 5.0 – School Administration Meeting

Reference 5.1 - School Administration Meeting Agenda

15 16

Section 6.0 -- Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting

Reference 6.1 - Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting Agenda

17 19

Section 7.0 – Meeting with Students (Classroom Discussion about Child’s Death)

Reference 7.1 - Classroom Information Worksheet for CCHMC Staff

Reference 7.2 - Classroom Information Worksheet for School Staff

Reference 7.3 - Reflection Activity (Elementary)

Reference 7.4 - Reflection Activity

Reference 7.5 - Additional Support for Students

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Section 8.0 – Follow-Up Meeting

Reference 8.1 – Follow-up Plan Worksheet

32 33

Appendix

SCSP Flowchart

SCSP Tool Kit

Navigating Children’s Grief

Profiles of Children’s Grieving Styles

Sample Parent Letter

Parent Tip Sheet and Resources

Bereavement Organizations and Resources

Suggested Books About Death/Loss

Sample School Staff Notification Email

Ideas For Self-Care

Memorialization Activities

Monkey in my Chair: When a Student Dies

Short-Term Lesson Plans

Long-Term Lesson Plans

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Section 1.0 – Initial Organization between School Intervention

Specialist and Chaplain

The purpose of this section is to guide the initial planning and communication between the

School Intervention staff and the Chaplain when a patient has died or a patient’s death is

impending.

The Chaplain and School Intervention Specialist discuss the following information:

o Information regarding impending death of the child or…

o Information regarding the death of the child:

Date of Death

Place of Death

Time of Death

The Chaplain and School Intervention Specialist will complete Reference 1.1 School Information

Worksheet

The Chaplain and School Intervention Specialist will determine whether the patient’s school is

inside or outside of the travel radius

o If the child’s school is located within the approved travel radius, the full crisis support

plan will be offered, as outlined in the School Crisis Support Plan (SCSP) flowchart (see

SCSP Flowchart in Appendix)

o If the child’s school is located outside of the approved travel radius, the Chaplain/School

Intervention Specialist will not provide in-person support. However, phone/email support

will still be offered and the School Intervention Specialist will facilitate distribution of

the school crisis support plan packet

Advance to Section 2.0 – Contacting the Family



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Reference 1.1 – School Information Worksheet

Family Phone Number:

Date of death: Time of death:

Place of death:

Types of services:

Location of services: Are the services open to the public?

Yes No

List of information to be shared with school:

School Visit Details

Date of School Visit: School Phone Number:

School Address:

Name of Primary School Contact Person(s): Emergency Contact Information/Personal Cell #

of Primary Contact Person(s):

Setting up the School Meetings for the Visit

Type of Meeting

Names of Participants

Administration Meeting

Crisis Intervention Team Meeting

Teacher Meeting



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Section 2.0 – Contacting the Family

To purpose of this section is to guide the process of informing the family of the School

Intervention Crisis Support Plan and all resources available. Services should be introduced via

phone or during an in-person meeting. Additionally, information regarding services for the

child’s death will be obtained. In most cases, the chaplain will lead the outreach and

communication that occurs directly with the family.

The School Intervention Specialist and the Chaplain will discuss the best approach for this

discussion (i.e., phone vs. in-person), and who should lead the discussion (i.e., Chaplain vs.

School Intervention Specialist); the appropriate person will then set up a meeting time or call the

family

If the patient is still living, refer to Reference 2.1 Talking with the Family of a Child Still Living

and follow the script/talking points

If the patient has died, refer to Reference 2.2 Talking with the Family of a Deceased Child and

follow the script/talking points

If the family chooses to share information about the child’s death with the school, fill out

information on Reference 1.1 School Information Worksheet

Advance to Section 3.0 – Initial Contact with Child’s School



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The purpose of this initial phone call/meeting is to inform the family of the School Crisis Support

Plan (SCSP), and to discuss with them the resources and supports that are available to support

their child’s school community in the wake of the child’s death.

If the child is currently admitted at CCHMC as an inpatient the chaplain will meet with the family. If the

child is not admitted either the Chaplain/School Intervention Specialist will contact the family. The

outline below presents general talking points for this discussion.

Introduction

o The chaplain will introduce herself and her role

o The chaplain will express condolences and ask how the family is coping

If the family reveals a need for additional support, the chaplain will make the

appropriate referrals

SCSP Service Introduction

o If the family lives within travel radius of the hospital, the chaplain will explain that, as

part of the SCSP, we will:

Inform the school of pertinent information surrounding their child’s death,

including appropriate details about the death (i.e., date, place, and time of death)

Provide in-person support to faculty and administration

Collaborate with the school’s crisis support team to inform the classmates of the

child’s death

Provide group and individual support to students

Provide the school with resources for bereavement follow up

Provide a letter to be sent home to the parents of the classmates to explain the

services facilitated at the school (and, when appropriate, the letter will include

funeral/visitation details)

Assist in the development of a school follow-up plan

o If the family lives outside of the travel radius of the hospital, the chaplain will explain

that, as part of the SCSP, we will:



Send a crisis support packet to the school

Offer phone consultation to the school

SCSP Information Gathering

o The chaplain will then ask the family about their wishes regarding the following

information (to be shared with school):

Funeral services: Open or Closed

Name of funeral home

Organization or charity for donations

Other

o The chaplain will also ask the family if there is any information that they do not want

shared with the school community

o The chaplain may consider asking the family if they need any additional support from

school community

o The chaplain will exchange contact information with the family should any follow-up

bereavement care be needed/desired

Reference 2.1 Talking with the Family of a Child Still Living



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Sample dialog:

“Hi, this is [NAME], and I am a Chaplain from CCHMC. I heard the recent updates about [CHILD’s

NAME] and I would like to offer my support. How is [CHILD’s NAME] coping? (Pause) How are you

and your family coping? (Pause) I want you to know that there are many resources that we offer families

in your situation. We want to be available to you, your family, and your child’s school community to

assist however possible. One way that we help in providing support is through our School Crisis Support

Plan. Through our School Crisis Support Plan, our Pastoral Care and School Intervention Program staff

partner together to help your child’s school community in the wake of the loss. We can help with the

following:

If the family lives within the travel radius of the hospital:

o Assist the family in informing the school of pertinent information

o Provide support to faculty and administration

o Assist the crisis support team with informing the students of child’s death

o Provide group and individual support to students

o Provide the school with resources for bereavement follow up

o Provide a letter to be sent home to parents informing them of the support services which

occurred at school

o Assist in creation of school follow up plan

If the family lives outside of the travel radius of the hospital:


o Send a crisis support packet to the school

o School Intervention Specialist /Chaplain offers consultation services

“Routinely, we call schools to provide information and offer assistance in informing [CHILD’S NAME’s]

classmates, such as the date of death, place of death, and time of death.

Many times, students will ask a variety of questions and we want to be sure to answer those questions

truthfully. However, if there is information you do not want shared, we will honor that. Some of the

questions the children might ask are related to details of the funeral services, such as: Will there be

services and will they be open to everyone? What funeral home are you using? Is there a certain

organization or charity you are requesting for donations to be sent? In addition to this information, is there

anything else you would want shared with the school regarding the funeral or visitation services?

Oftentimes, families and schools want to know how they can be of assistance during a time like this. Is

there anything specific that the school community could do to help you and your family? It is likely that

the school will engage in some remembrance activities. Some may occur immediately, while others may

occur in the future. Would you like to be made aware of those activities or would you like for those

activities to be held separately?

Please know that we continue to hold you in our thoughts and you can contact us for CCHMC’s resources

regarding follow-up bereavement care, if needed.”



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The purpose of this initial phone call/meeting is to offer condolences to the family, inform the

family of the School Crisis Support Plan (SCSP) services, and to discuss with them the resources

and supports that are available to support their child’s school community in the wake of the

child’s death. While desirable, this conversation is not always possible; even if the SCSP cannot

be introduced to the family, the chaplain/school intervention specialist may still proceed with

outreach to the patient’s school. In these cases, the Chaplain will attempt to contact the family to

discuss the services within 48 hours.

If the child died while admitted at CCHMC as an inpatient, the chaplain will meet with the family. If the

child is not admitted either the Chaplain/School Intervention Specialist will contact the family. The

outline below presents general talking points for this discussion.

Introduction

o The chaplain will introduce herself and her role

o The chaplain will express condolences and ask how the family is coping

If the family reveals a need for additional support, the chaplain will make the

appropriate referrals

SCSP Service Introduction

o If the family lives within the travel radius of the hospital, the chaplain will explain that,

as part of the SCSP, we will:



Provide in-person support to faculty and administration

Collaborate with the school’s crisis support team to inform the classmates of the

child’s death

Provide group and individual support to students

Provide the school with resources for bereavement follow up

Provide a letter to be sent home to the parents of the classmates to explain the

support services facilitated at the school (and, when appropriate, the letter will

include funeral/visitation details)

Assist in the development of a school follow-up plan

o If the family lives outside of the travel radius of the hospital, the chaplain will explain

that, as part of the SCSP, we will:



Send a crisis support packet to the school

Offer phone consultation to the school

SCSP Information Gathering

o The chaplain will then ask the family about their wishes regarding the following

information (to be shared with school):

Funeral services: Open or Closed


Organization or charity for donations

Other

o The chaplain will also ask the family if there is any information that they do not want

shared with the school community

Reference 2.2 Talking with the Family of a Deceased Child



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o The chaplain may consider asking the family if they need any additional support from

school community

o The chaplain will exchange contact information with the family, should any follow-up

bereavement care be needed/desired

Sample Dialogue:

“Hi, this is [Name], and I am a chaplain from CCHMC. I can imagine this is a very difficult time for

you. I’m calling to discuss a specific way in which we can support you at this time. Before I get into

those details, I would like to ask how you and your family are coping (pause & respond if appropriate)?

We want to be available to you, your family, and your child’s school community to assist however

possible. One way that we help in providing support is through our School Crisis Support Plan. Through

our School Crisis Support Plan, our Pastoral Care and School Intervention Program staff partner together

to help your child’s school community in the wake of this loss. We can help with the following:

If the family lives within the travel radius of the hospital:


o Provide support to faculty and administration

o Assist the crisis support team with informing the students of child’s death

o Provide group and individual support to students

o Provide the school with resources for bereavement follow up

o Provide a letter to be sent home to parents informing them of the support services which

occurred at school

o Assist in creation of school follow up plan

If the family lives outside of the travel radius of the hospital:


o Send a crisis support packet to the school

o School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain offers consultation services

“Routinely, we call schools to provide information and offer assistance in informing [CHILD’S NAME’s]

classmates, such as the date of death, place of death, and time of death.

Many times, students will ask a variety of questions and we want to be sure to answer those questions

truthfully. However, if there is information you do not want shared, we will honor that. Some of the

questions the children might ask are related to details of the funeral services, such as: Will there be

services and will they be open to everyone? What funeral home are you using? Is there a certain

organization or charity you are requesting for donations to be sent? In addition to this information, is there

anything else you would want shared with the school regarding the funeral or visitation services?

Oftentimes, families and schools want to know how they can be of assistance during a time like this. Is

there anything specific that the school community could do to help you and your family? It is likely that

the school will engage in some remembrance activities. Some may occur immediately, while others may

occur in the future. Would you like to be made aware of those activities or would you like for those

activities to be held separately?

Please know that we continue to hold you in our thoughts and you can contact us for CCHMC’s resources

regarding follow-up bereavement care, if needed.”



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Section 3.0 – Initial Contact with Child’s School The purpose of this section is to guide the initial outreach to school regarding the child’s death

(or impending death), and to introduce the School Crisis Support Plan (SCSP) to the school.

During this initial contact, the School Intervention Specialist will determine whether the school

will accept SCSP services.

Before contacting school, remember: o A person’s death is public record, so specific information about the death (date, time, and

place) can always be shared.

o Use direct language, such as “death/died.” Avoid vague words and phrases, such as

“passed away, lost, or gone.”

o Beyond the basic information listed above, only share additional information permitted

by the family, such as:


Location of service

Services are private or open to the public

Particular organizations and/or charities the family has selected to receive

donations

Other information the family wants to share with the school

The following script can serve as a guide when contacting the school:

o “Hi, my name is [NAME], and I am a School Intervention Specialist from CCHMC. I’m

calling to inform you that on [DATE], [NAME OF CHILD], died at [PLACE]. My team

has been in contact with [CHILDS NAME’s] family and (share permitted information

from SCSP worksheet). We understand that this is a difficult time for your school and

community. We would like to offer to assist your school during this challenging time.

Frequently our support dovetails nicely with a school’s existing crisis support plan. For

example, in the wake of the student’s death, many students will have medical-related

questions which frequently arise due to fears associated with their own well-being and

that of their family members. Additionally, some of the other services we typically offer

include:

Assisting the family with informing the school of pertinent information

Providing support to faculty and administration

Assisting the crisis support team with informing the students of child’s death

Providing group and individual support to students

Providing resources for bereavement follow up

Providing a letter template to be sent home to parents informing them of the

support services which occurred at the school

Assisting in the creation of school follow up plan

Providing a school resource kit including sample lesson plans, recommended

book lists, and other helpful tools

While our services are intended to help in the immediate aftermath of the student’s death, we can also

share materials with you that will provide your staff with resources for ongoing bereavement support. Due

to this information being time sensitive, can we discuss the possibility of coming to the school as soon as

possible?”

If the school accepts the services, advance to Section 4.0 – Gaining Details for the School Administration

Meeting



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Section 4.0 – Gaining Details for the School Administration Meeting and

Preparing Documents The purpose of this section is to aid in planning for the school visit, including obtaining all

information needed from the school for the visit, and planning the first meeting of the day: the

School Administration Meeting.

The School Intervention Specialist will work with the primary school contact person to plan the

school visit details, including the date, time, and place to implement plan. The School

Intervention Specialist will complete Reference 4.2 School Visit Schedule during this phone call

The School Intervention Specialist will request to meet with the district’s Crisis Intervention

Team (CIT) and relevant teachers

o Ideally, this meeting should occur on the same day as the intervention visit, just prior to

meeting with the students

The School Intervention Specialist will request that school personnel provide a list of names of

close friends/relatives of the deceased child

o For an improved outcome, consider meeting with close friends and/or relatives within the

school of the deceased child prior to presentation to the other students. This gives the

friends/relatives an opportunity to grieve separately. These students should be given the

choice to return to the classroom for the announcement with the student body or to

relocate to a pre-determined location for additional support

The School Intervention Specialist may consider suggesting that when sharing the information

with the student body, that the CIT should make the announcement in classroom-sized groups

rather than an assembly type setting. This is considered best practice, as students are more apt to

pay attention, participate and show emotions when the group is smaller

The School Intervention Specialist will work with the school team to identify details about the

school visit, including the following:

o Location for the students to meet for additional grief support if they do not want to

remain in the classroom after the announcement

o Number of students who will be participating in the program (to ensure that the correct

number of copies are prepared for activities)

The School Intervention Specialist will offer the school team a copy of all sample notifications

(email for staff, letter for families) to inform school communities about the death of the student.

The School Intervention Specialist will prepare the following Reference sheets:

o Reference 4.1 School Visit Preparation (preceding the school visit)

o Reference 4.2 School Visit Schedule

o Reference 5.1 School Administration Meeting Agenda

o Reference 6.1 Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting Agenda

Consider providing the school with a flash drive for easy access to electronic versions of relevant

materials. This will increase utilization and simplify a stressful situation (e.g. the principal can easily

copy and paste the content for notification email and letters and quickly personalize these documents

prior to distribution)

Advance to Section 5.0 – School Administration Meeting



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Reference 4.1 – School Visit Preparation

1. When a patient’s death is impending, please complete the following with the

school:

a. Describe the School Crisis Support Plan

b. Discuss school’s desired level of intervention and identify what supports

they would like to receive

c. Obtain emergency contact information for appropriate school personnel

(e.g., principal’s cell phone number)

d. Send relevant materials in advance (e.g., Sample Parent Letter, Sample

School Staff Notification Email) via email

□

2. For notification of a patient’s death, contact the school immediately to

discuss the following:

a. Determine the date/time/place for the School Crisis Intervention visit

b. Request that meetings be scheduled with the Administrators, the Crisis

Intervention Team, and the teachers prior to the student presentations on

the day of the visit

c. Request that the school personnel provide a list of close friends/relatives

of the deceased child so that these children can be notified separately, if

needed, on the day of the visit

□

3. Prior to the traveling to the school for the Crisis Intervention visit:

a. Preview supplementary materials for talking points

b. Review script/talking points for delivery of information

c. Prepare materials for SCSP Kit (see appendix for suggested items)

d. Complete Reference 4.2 School Visit Schedule

e. Complete Reference 5.1 School Administration Meeting Agenda

f. Complete Reference 6.1 Crisis Intervention Team and Teacher Meeting

Agenda

g. Make copies of Reference 7.3 or 7.4 Reflection Activity for Students

h. Make copies or have school make copies of the following appendix

items: Navigating Children’s Grief, Profiles of Children’s Grieving

Styles, Ideas for Self-Care, Parent Letter, and Parent Tip Sheet and

Resources.

□



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Start Time

End

Time Activity Location

School Administration Meeting

Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher

Meeting

Meeting with Students

Support for Students who need

Additional Care

Name of Staff Providing Additional

Support:

Follow-up meeting

Notes:

Date:

School Name: Phone:

School Address:

Reference 4.2 - School Visit Schedule



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Section 5.0 – School Administration Meeting The purpose of this section is to aid in planning and organizing the meeting with the school

administration and staff; during this meeting, the team will work together to plan and prepare

for the meeting with the students in which the death of the patient will be discussed.

Potential attendees: Principal, Vice Principal, School Psychologist, Guidance Counselor, Superintendent

The School Intervention Specialist will distribute Reference 5.1 School Administration Meeting

Agenda

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will initiate introductions

o Within the introduction, the School Intervention Specialist and the Chaplain will discuss

their involvement with the family/deceased student (e.g., in-services/school meetings,

hospital visits, most recent involvement related to the death)

o The school personnel should be invited to introduce themselves and explain their

relationship/involvement with the deceased student

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will review information pertaining to the

student’s death

o Date, time, place of death

o Arrangements/Services (i.e., public vs. private)

o Other permitted information provided from family

o Family’s preferred donation recipients


donations

If the family stated that they do not want any monetary support, be sure to

mention their desire at this time

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will inquire about the current emotional state of

the students and staff:

o Do all of the students already know about the death?

o Have all of the staff members been informed?

o Have any activities been planned (e.g., vigils, memory making activities, etc.)? If so, add

to Reference 8.1 Follow-up Plan Worksheet.

o Are there particular students/staff struggling more than others? If so, suggest that a plan

be put into place for additional support for these students (e.g., determine who will be

calling the parents to inform them of their child’s struggle, recommend that they attend

the meeting with close friend’s/students, etc.). If a staff member is struggling, offer for

Chaplain to meet individually with them; if they are on the Crisis Intervention Team,

recommend that they be removed so that they can receive the support that they need.

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will review and discuss the Reference 4.2 School

Visit Schedule

o This will include collecting the names of the district’s Crisis Intervention Team members

and the names of close friends/relatives of the deceased student

o This will also include determining an appropriate location for students in need of

additional support and select appropriate personnel/staff to be present in a designated

location to provide the additional support to students

Advance to Section 6.0 – Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting



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Date:

Time:

Location:

Attendees:

time-time Introductions

All faculty, staff, and School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain

introductions

time-time Details of student’s death

time-time Student/Staff Current Emotional State

time-time

Schedule of the Day

Distribute schedule for the day

Collect names of Crisis Intervention Team members

Collect names of close friends/relatives

time-time Students Needing Additional Support

time-time Wrap-up

Reference 5.1 – School Administration Meeting Agenda



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Section 6.0 – Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting

The purpose of this section is to assist in planning for the meeting with the Crisis Intervention

Team and the teachers to discuss the death of the child and to plan for/organize classroom

discussions with the students.

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute Reference 6.1 Crisis Intervention

Team and Teacher Meeting Agenda

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will facilitate introductions

o Have school personnel introduce themselves

o Explain roles of School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain

o Share School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain involvement with the family and deceased

student (e.g., involvement with in-services/school meetings; hospital visits; most recent

involvement related to the death)

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will review information pertaining to the

student’s death

o Date, time, place of death

o Arrangements/Services - Open or private?

o Permitted information from family

o Suggested donation recipients


donations

If the family stated that they do not want any monetary support, be sure to

mention their desire at this time

o The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute copies of appendix items

Navigating Children’s Grief and Profiles of Children’s Grieving Styles.

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will address questions and provide time for

reflection/discussion

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute copies of appendix item Ideas for

Self-Care and discuss the importance of self-care with the staff.

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will review the Schedule for the Day

o The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute and review Reference 7.2

Classroom Information Worksheet (School Staff), and will suggest that the Crisis

Intervention Team/Teachers read and become familiar with the Classroom Information

Sheet. Familiarity with the text will help avoid reading it word for word, if possible,

during the presentation to the students (in instances in which they are helping with or

leading the discussion)

o The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute and review Reference 7.3

Reflection Activity (Elementary) or Reference 7.4 Reflection Activity (Secondary) for the

classroom following announcement of death and will share School Resource Kit.

Suggested items for the resource kit can be found in the appendix.



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Follow Up

o The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will distribute copies of the Parent

Letter and Parent Tip Sheet and Resources (located in the appendix) for the teachers to

distribute to their students at the end of the school day (distribution at the end of the day

will help to increase the probability that the students will successfully deliver the

materials to their parents)

If time permits, a 10-15 minute break might be beneficial for the group prior to delivering the

information to the students.

Advance to Section 7.0 Classroom Discussion about Child’s Death



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time-time Introductions

All faculty, staff, and School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain

introductions

time-time Details of student’s death

time-time Questions/Discussion

time-time Self-care Distribute bereavement resources and tips for self-care from appendix

time-time

Care of Students

Distribute schedule for the day

Distribute and review classroom information worksheet

Distribute and review reflection activity

Review Navigating Children’s Grief and Profiles of

Children’s Grieving Styles

time-time

Wrap-Up

Distribute parent letter

Distribute parent tip sheet and resources

Reference 6.1 – Crisis Intervention Team/Teacher Meeting Agenda

Date:

Time:

Location:

Attendees:



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Section 7.0 – Meeting with Students

(Classroom Discussion about Child’s Death)

The purpose of this section is to guide the delivery of news and sharing of information with the

students. The designated adults will meet with each classroom to share the details about the

child’s death and assist in supporting the school to help the students grieve.

Review Classroom Information Worksheet (Reference 7.1 if CCHMC staff or Reference 7.2 if

school staff) with students

o Please read over the content prior to the discussion with the students. This will

familiarize you with the information you will be providing to the students. If possible,

when presenting the information to the students, it is best to not read the Classroom

Information Worksheet word for word.

o Sample discussion should include:

Introduction

Information regarding arrangements and services

Additional information to be shared

Funeral/Memorial Service discussion

Closing remarks regarding additional support provided for students

Pass out Reflection Activity (Reference 7.3 for elementary students or Reference 7.4 for

secondary students)

Advance to Section 8.0 Follow-up Meeting



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Introduction:

Introduction of School Intervention Specialist – Name and Title

Introduction of Chaplain – Name and Title

Explain prior involvement with child/school community

Explain role relative to SCSP

Sample:

“Hi everyone. My name is [SCHOOL INTERVENTION SPECIALIST

NAME] and I am a [TITLE – School Intervention Specialist] at Cincinnati

Children’s Hospital.”

“And my name is [CHAPLAIN NAME], and I am a [TITLE – Chaplain]

from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital.”

“You may remember meeting me back in [month] when I came and

talked to you about [Patient’s Name]. We talked about cancer and what

the doctors were doing at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital to help [Patient],

and we talked about how you could be good friends and support

[Patient].”

OR (if speakers have not previously visited this group of students)

Chaplain or School Intervention Specialist: “We are members of a support

group that helps schools cope with difficult situations.”

Suggestion:

Be sure to moderate the pace and volume of your speech in such a way

that sets the mood/tone for the visit. That is, speak calmly, somewhat

slowly, and with a moderate volume to convey the seriousness and sadness

of the information being delivered.

Be sure to adapt script to make it age appropriate. Purpose:

Explain purpose of visit and deliver news of child’s death

o Sample:

(For return visit) “Unfortunately, we are here today with a sad update.”

OR

(For initial visit): “We are here to give you some sad news about

[CHILD’S NAME]. “

“[CHILD’S NAME] died on [DAY], [DATE], at [TIME], [PLACE].”

o Suggestion:

Pause after delivering this statement to give students a moment to “take

in” the news.

Reference 7.1 - Classroom Information Worksheet (CCHMC Staff)



22

Guided Discussion led by School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain:

Provide the students with supportive dialogue and information using the following

talking points:

o Sample:

“Hearing this information may cause you to feel a variety of emotions

including sadness, anger, confusion, and other feelings. People express

these emotions in different ways. Some people cry, some do not. Some

people want to talk about it, others do not. Some people want to be alone,

and other people want to be with their friends or family. Any emotions

you may or may not be feeling are OK. We do, however, encourage you to

talk to a parent or caregiver about this news when you go home.”

“We want you to know that [CHILD’s NAME] fought very hard. His/her

family fought very hard, and his/her doctors fought very hard for his/her

survival. Unfortunately, his/her cancer was a very serious/aggressive type

of cancer, and there was nothing left that the doctors could do to get rid of

the cancer.”

“We also want you to know that [CHILD’S NAME] is no longer in pain.

He/she died peacefully, surrounded by people that loved him/her.”

(Here, it can be helpful to provide some specific details, if

appropriate. For example, you could state that they child died

peacefully at home with his/her mom and dad present, or that

he/she died peacefully at the hospital, surrounded by family, the

doctors and nurses who loved and cared for him/her, etc.)

“Once someone dies, they are no longer able to feel pain or emotions; that

means that [CHILD’S NAME] is not sad, and [CHILD’S NAME] does not

hurt. The people that love him/her, like his/her mom and dad, siblings,

family, and friends feel very sad about this, and that is okay. You may see

some of the adults who love [CHILD’S NAME] crying or showing

sadness, and we want you to know that is okay, too. We do not want you

to feel scared or afraid. We want you to know that the adults in your life,

like your parents and your teachers, love and care about you, and are here

to protect you and make you feel safe. If you feel sad, we want you to talk

to them so that they can help you.”

“Sometimes hearing news like this can make you think about other people

you love who may have cancer or have died from cancer. You may think

about other loved ones, or even pets that have died. That is okay. This may

also make you think of questions about death, dying, or cancer. Does

anyone have questions about these things? [PAUSE FOR QUESTIONS].

Remember, when I was here before, we talked about how cancer is not

common. We want to remind you of that today. Cancer does not happen

very often, and especially not in children; even more important is that

cancer in children does not often lead to death. We also want to remind

you that [CHILD’S NAME] did not do anything wrong to cause this to

happen to him/her. We are not sure why [CHILD’S NAME] got cancer, or

why he/she died. Unfortunately, this is just something very sad that



23

happens in very rare cases. Do you have any other questions about

[CHILD’S NAME] or his/her cancer, specifically?”

“Sometimes it is helpful to talk about your memories of [CHILD’S

NAME]. Is there anything that you really enjoyed doing with [CHILD’S

NAME]? Does anyone remember something funny that [CHILD’S

NAME] did? What did [CHILD’S NAME] enjoy doing either at school or

out of school? What were some of [CHILD’S NAME] favorite things?”

o Suggestion:

The School Intervention Specialist and the Chaplain should alternate

through the delivery of this information, pausing periodically to allow

students to consider what is being said, and to reflect on the information.

Arrangements/Services:

After some time has been spent talking about the news, and allowing the students some

time to reflect on and respond to the news, information about the services should be

shared.

o Sample:

“Memorial services for [CHILD’S NAME] will take place at

[LOCATION]” on [DATE] at [TIME].”

“You may or may not want to attend the services for [CHILD’S NAME].

Let’s discuss what typically happens at different services to prepare you

for what may occur.” (If you have information on the specific

arrangements, only discuss what is relevant)

Visitation: A visitation is a time for family and friends to talk with

[CHILD’S NAME] family. Visitations can vary. You may see [CHILD’S

NAME] body lying in a casket (for younger children, describe a casket as a

long rectangular box where a body is placed to be buried). It’s also possible

that there might only be pictures of [CHILD’S NAME]. You could also see a

combination of both a casket and pictures. During the visitation, some

families choose to have the casket open and others choose to have it closed.

If you attend the visitation, you can choose if you want to approach the

casket. There may be pictures or videos of [CHILD’S NAME] in the room.

Many people will walk around the room spending time looking at all of the

pictures. People will come and go during a visitation. Generally people do

not stay the entire time. You may want to stay for a brief time or you may

wish to stay longer and walk around the room looking at pictures or talking

to people.

Cremation and Urn: Sometimes people choose to be cremated rather than

buried after they die. Cremation is when the deceased body is placed in a

casket or container and then taken to a place called a crematorium. Since the

person is dead, they do not feel any pain. The body is placed in a room that is

really hot and then it is reduced to soft, fine particles like grey sand. The

remains/sand is then usually placed in an urn. An urn is a vase which usually

has a lid and it holds the remains of the deceased, cremated body.

Funeral/Memorial Service: A funeral is a service that people attend to honor

a loved one who has died. Funerals vary depending on the family’s choices

for the services. Frequently, funeral services include music, prayer, a speech

presented by an adult leading the funeral, and/or a talk by a family member



24

or friend. At the end of a funeral, it is common for people to walk by the

casket and the family members to say a final goodbye before they leave. If

that feels uncomfortable, you can choose to leave without walking by the

casket. A memorial service is held without the remains present. An example

of why remains might not be available is if the body was donated to science.

The memorial service is usually held within a week of the death; however, it

could be postponed due to family convenience. Memorial services are

generally more informal and more interactive than a funeral.

Graveside burial: After the funeral service is over, family and close friends

may drive to the cemetery where [CHILD’S NAME] will be buried.

Generally, the group of people that attend the graveside burial is much

smaller than the group that attends the funeral. Those who drive to the

cemetery will receive a flag to place on their car. All of the cars with flags

will be led by a police officer and will follow each other to the cemetery.

The service at the graveside is generally short. The casket will be lowered

into the ground after family and friends leave the graveside.

o “What questions do you have about the services for [CHILD’S NAME]?”

Activity:

Once the key information has been discussed, it can be helpful to incorporate an activity,

such as reading a story with the students and/or doing an activity such as Short Term

Lesson Plan: Emotions/Memories Poster Board (found in appendix).

This activity can also be used to generate some additional discussion.

Wrap-up/Closure:

It is important that when you leave, the students and teacher are provided with an activity

to help transition following your departure (this helps to avoid an abrupt transition back

into the school day). Consider starting the following activity upon your departure:

o Sample:

“As we wrap-up our visit, we want to give you an additional opportunity

to share your thoughts, feelings, or memories. Before we leave, we are

going to distribute an activity that will help with this (distribute Reference

7.3/7.4 Reflection Activity). Does anyone have any other final thoughts or

questions that they would like to share?”

“Some people may not want to continue with their regular classroom work

at this time. If you need time away from the classroom, other members of

the support team will be available in the [LOCATION] to offer you

additional support. For those of you who would like to remain in your

class and continue with regular work, please be aware that there are adults

who will be available for additional support.”

Details regarding additional support:

o Location: _____________________________________

o Time: ________________________________________

o Leader Names: _________________________________



25

Introduction:

“Hi, my name is [NAME] and I am [TITLE]. I am a member of a support group that helps schools cope

with difficult situations. I am here to give you some sad news about [CHILD’S NAME]. [CHILD’S

NAME] died on [DAY], [DATE], at [TIME], [PLACE].”

“Hearing this information may cause you to feel a variety of emotions including sadness, anger,

confusion, and other feelings. People express these emotions in different ways. Some people cry, some do

not. Some people want to talk about it, others do not. Some people want to be alone, and other people

want to be with their friends or family. Any emotions you may or may not be feeling are OK. We do,

however, encourage you to talk to a parent or caregiver about this news when you go home.”

Arrangements/Services:

Additional Information to be shared:

“People sometimes want to do something to remember a person who has died. Some ideas may include:

Send a card to the family

Create a poster of memories you have shared with [CHILD’S NAME]

Plant a tree in memory of [CHILD’S NAME]

What other ideas do you have? (List children’s ideas on the back of this paper and give it to

school counselor)

Reference 7.2 - Classroom Information Worksheet (School Staff)



26

You may or may not want to attend the services for [CHILD’S NAME]. Let’s discuss what typically

happens at different services to prepare you for what may occur” (If you have information on the specific

arrangements, only discuss what is relevant).

Visitation: A visitation is a time for family and friends to talk with [CHILD’S NAME]

family. Visitations can vary. You may see [CHILD’S NAME] body lying in a casket (for

younger children, describe a casket as a long rectangular box where a body is placed to be

buried). It’s also possible that there might only be pictures of [CHILD’S NAME]. You could

also see a combination of both a casket and pictures. During the visitation, some families

choose to have the casket open and others choose to have it closed. If you attend the

visitation, you can choose if you want to approach the casket. There may be pictures or

videos of [CHILD’S NAME] in the room. Many people will walk around the room spending

time looking at all of the pictures. People will come and go during a visitation. Generally

people do not stay the entire time. You may want to stay for a brief time or you may wish to

stay longer and walk around the room looking at pictures or talking to people.

Cremation and Urn: Sometimes people choose to be cremated rather than buried after they

die. Cremation is when the deceased body is placed in a casket or container and then taken to

a place called a crematorium. Since the person is dead, they do not feel any pain. The body is

placed in a room that is really hot and then it is reduced to soft, fine particles like grey sand.

The remains/sand is then usually placed in an urn. An urn is a vase which usually has a lid

and it holds the remains of the deceased, cremated body.

Funeral/Memorial Service: A funeral is a service that people attend to honor a loved one who

has died. Funerals vary depending on the family’s choices for the services. Frequently,

funeral services include music, prayer, a speech presented by an adult leading the funeral,

and/or a talk by a family member or friend. At the end of a funeral, it is common for people

to walk by the casket and the family members to say a final goodbye before they leave. If that

feels uncomfortable, you can choose to leave without walking by the casket. A memorial

service is held without the remains present. An example of why remains might not be

available is if the body was donated to science. The memorial service is usually held within a

week of the death; however, it could be postponed due to family convenience. Memorial

services are generally more informal and more interactive than a funeral.

Graveside burial: After the funeral service is over, family and close friends may drive to the

cemetery where [CHILD’S NAME] will be buried. Generally, the group of people that attend

the graveside burial is much smaller than the group that attends the funeral. Those who drive

to the cemetery will receive a flag to place on their car. All of the cars with flags will be led

by a police officer and will follow each other to the cemetery. The service at the graveside is

generally short. The casket will be lowered into the ground after family and friends leave the

graveside.



27

“We want to give you a few moments to ask questions or share your thoughts, feelings, or memories. We

are going to distribute an activity that will help us in our discussion (distribute Reference 7.3/7.4

Reflection Activity). Does anyone have a question or something you would like to say?” (Pause to give the

students time to talk).

*This would be a good time for the teacher to have a memory or thought prepared in case the students

are reluctant to share. Also, listed below are ideas to prompt discussion with the students:

Is there anything that you really enjoyed doing with [CHILD’S NAME]?

Does anyone remember something funny that [CHILD’S NAME] did?

What did [CHILD’S NAME] enjoy doing either at school or out of school?

What were some of [CHILD’S NAME] favorite things?

Additional support provided for students:

“Some people may not want to continue with their regular classroom work at this time. If you need time

away from the classroom, other members of the support team will be available in the [LOCATION] to

offer you additional support. For those of you who would like to remain in your class and continue with

regular work, please be aware that there are adults who will be available for additional support.” (Provide

details on times and locations support will be available).

Details regarding additional support:

Location: ______________________________________________

Time: _________________________________________________

Leader Names: _________________________________________



28

Complete the following questions by drawing a picture or writing your answers.

1. When you experience a death, you may have lots of different feelings. What are some

feelings that you may have or experience when someone you love dies? What are some

of the feelings that you are experiencing today?

2. Sharing memories and telling stories is one way of coping with our feelings. Is there a

favorite memory or activity that you shared with your classmate who has died that will

always be a fond memory?

Reference 7.3 - Reflection Activity (Elementary)



29

Complete the following questions. You will have an opportunity to share your answers with your

classmates. If you do not want to share your answers with the class, you can keep them private.

1. When you experience a loss, you may feel lots of different emotions. What are some of

the emotions that you may feel when you lose someone you love? What are some of the

emotions that you are feeling today with the loss of your classmate?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

2. Sharing memories and telling stories is one way of coping with our emotions. Is there a

favorite memory or activity that you shared with your classmate who has died that will

always be a fond memory?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

3. When you experience a loss, it is helpful to remember what makes you feel safe and

happy. List places and/or people that help you feel this way:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

Reference 7.4 - Reflection Activity (Secondary)



30

4. What are some things that your classmate enjoyed or that made your classmate happy?

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

5. It is normal to feel grief and sadness long after the death of someone that you care about.

Finding special ways to remember that person can be comforting. List some ways that

you and your school community can memorialize or remember your classmate:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

6. List any other thoughts you would like to mention during the classroom discussion:

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

When you experience loss or death in your life, it is helpful to know the people and places that can

provide comfort. If you need help identifying these resources, please notify your school counselor, parent,

or a member of the Crisis Intervention Team.



31

Ideas for students who seek additional support:

Designate a location for students to go for additional support. This location should be

discussed and chosen during the school administration meeting and the information given to

the students during the classroom information session. Be sure to have staff available and

prepared to meet individually or in small groups with the students.

Have a sign-in sheet so you can keep track of students who come for additional support.

Utilize the classroom information worksheet to prompt ideas for discussion.

Offer creative stations for students to express their emotions. Examples include:

o Letter writing station. Students write letters to the deceased student.

o Drawing station. Students can draw pictures of memories of the deceased student or

of comforting feelings.

o Card making station. Students make cards to be given to the family of the deceased

student.

o Poster board station. Students write or draw memories or words that remind them

of the deceased student on sticky notes. The sticky notes are then placed on a poster

board which will be taken to the funeral home for the services.

Take note of any alarming or disturbing conversation which may take place with/among the

students. Report these instances during the follow-up meeting with the staff and Crisis

Intervention Team members.

Reference 7.5 - Additional Support for Students



32

Section 8.0 – Follow-Up Meeting

The purpose of this section is to guide discussion for the final meeting of the day with the

Administrators, the Crisis Team Members, and Teachers. During this meeting, the Chaplain and

School Intervention Specialist will debrief with the school staff to discuss the events of the

intervention visit and to discuss any additional plans for short-term and long-term support.

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will reconvene with the Crisis Intervention

Team Members and School Administration

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will complete Reference 8.1 Follow Up Plan

Worksheet

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will lead a discussion about the crisis team

members’ thoughts and emotions from the day

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will review and list any alarming

questions/comments/behaviors from students

o The team should create a plan of action and add this plan to the Reference 8.1 Follow

Up Plan Worksheet, which will be distributed to the School Administrator at the

conclusion of the meeting

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will discuss ideas to provide short-term and

long-term support to the family

o This can include a discussion of ideas to provide continued support to the school

community; these ideas should be added to the Reference 8.1 Follow Up Plan

Worksheet

The team should also discuss ideas for memorializing the deceased student

o These ideas can be added to the Reference 8.1 Follow Up Plan Worksheet

o The Memorializing Activities worksheet can also be used to facilitate this discussion

(this worksheet is located in the appendix)

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will encourage the school team to discuss

plans for coverage for school personnel who will be attending the funeral

The School Intervention Specialist and Chaplain will request that the school make a copy of

the finalized Reference 8.1 Follow Up Plan Worksheet

o The School Intervention Specialist/Chaplain will retain one copy and will provide a

second copy to the School Administrator



33

1. List any concerns and/or alarming issues that emerged during the day:

2. Outline a plan of action to address aforementioned concerns and issues. This plan should

include interventions needed and the individual responsible for facilitating each

intervention:

Concern/Issue Intervention Individual

responsible

Date

3. List ideas to provide support to the family (both short and long term):

Recipient of Support Description of

Support

Facilitator of

Support

Date

Family

School Community

4. List ideas to provide continued support to the school community:

5. List ideas for memorializing (desk, locker, yearbook, planting a tree, etc.)

a.

b.

6. Identify school personnel who plan to attend the funeral, and subsequently plan for their

coverage:

Staff Member Attending Funeral Staff Member Covering

Reference 8.1 – Follow-up Plan Worksheet



34

Appendix

SCSP Flowchart

SCSP Tool Kit

Navigating Children’s Grief







Ideas For Self-Care





35

36

37

39

41

42

43

46

49

50

51

52

54

60



35

SCSP Flowchart



36

SCSP Tool Kit

It is helpful to have materials prepared in advance and ready to take to any school to help

facilitate a quick response. The following list are suggested items to have in easily assessible

grab-and-go bags. Having four or five bags ready to go can help ease anxiety and accelerate the

process.

Fidget Toys/Activities: These items are especially helpful for younger students to give their hands

something to do during the conversation. Additionally, these items are useful in the smaller sessions for

students who want to meet for additional support.

Pipe cleaners

Brain Noodles

Squeeze (stress) balls

Therapy Putty

Modeling Clay

Reflective/Memory Making: These items can be used in the classroom to help guide the students in

reflecting on their emotions and memories of their classmate. They can also be used with the students

who meet for additional support. For activity suggestions that incorporate these supplies, please see the

Family Letters and Emotions/Memories Poster Board lesson plans in the appendix.

Colored paper/construction paper

Markers/Crayons

Colored Post-it Notes

Poster board/presentation board

Reference and Appendix Items: The following items from the workbook can be copied and placed in a

folder as well as saved on a flash drive to be given to the school. Place the documents that will be used

during the school visit in one folder pocket and the reference and follow-up items to leave with the school

in the other pocket. Reference 4.2 School Visit Schedule

Reference 5.1 School Administration Meeting Agenda

Reference 6.1 Crisis Intervention Team and Teacher Meeting Agenda

Reference 7.2 Classroom Information Worksheet (School Staff)

Reference 7.3 or 7.4 Reflection Activity for Students

Reference 8.1 - Follow-up Plan Worksheet

Navigating Children’s Grief/Profiles of Children’s Grieving Styles

Parent Letter



Suggested Books about Death/Loss


Ideas for Self-Care



Short and Long-Term Lesson Plans



37



38

Table retrieved from: http://childgrief.org/



39


This tip sheet can be used either to facilitate a class discussion regarding the varying

ways people grieve or as a personal resource to assist you in responding to grieving

students.

Intense Reactions

Students with intense reactions may exhibit their grief through emotions that can be extreme. For

example, loud crying, laughter, screaming, etc. Be aware that these students may or may not

have been close friends with the deceased student. Extreme reactions from students who were not

close friends to the deceased may cause issues for students who were closer friends.

Tips

If students with intense reactions continue with their emotional reaction in

front of the other students, create a one-on-one environment for this

student with a Crisis Intervention Team member. Within this one on one

discussion, address his/her questions and concerns. Provide him/her with

some examples of positive outlets for grief (making a card, writing a letter,

journaling, drawing, listening to music, etc.). Encourage the student to

engage in an activity during the discussion.

Call the parents of these students to share the extreme reaction witnessed

at school.

Quiet Reactions

Students who experience quiet reactions may include those who sit alone, those who do not

participate in memorializing activities, and/or those who are visibly upset but do not want to

discuss their grief.

Tips

Initiate a discussion with these students in a one-on-one setting. Begin by

asking the student open ended questions, such as, “What is a favorite

memory you have of (deceased student’s name)? How did you know

(deceased student’s name)? What are some ways you would like to

remember (deceased student’s name)?” Many times these conversations

are most effective simultaneous to an activity, such as creating a card or

drawing.

Offer to provide a space for him/her to complete memorializing activities

apart from the group. Be sure to periodically check in on him/her. He/she

may want to talk, but might not want to discuss anything in front of a

group.



40

Absent Reactions

Students who do not appear to be grieving over the death of their classmate may or may not be

experiencing an internal reaction to the death. Absent reactions can happen with students who did

and did not know the deceased classmate well. These students may prefer to continue on with the

typical school day.

Tips

Provide these students with the option of engaging in the memorializing

activities or returning to normal school day activities. Emphasize that

either option is acceptable.

Reach out to these students to reassure that whatever feelings they may or

may not be experiencing are acceptable and normal.

Layered Reactions

Students who experience emotions related to the current death as well as emotions that are

triggered from a previous loss(es) are having a layered reaction. Examples of the previous loss

may be the death of a parent, sibling, grandparent, pet, or the illness of a family member or

friend. These students are not only experiencing feelings associated with their classmate’s death,

but also emotions associated with other loss(es).

Tips

Provide students experiencing a layered reaction with the opportunity to

process through both the current and past emotions. Ask him/her open

ended questions to learn about both losses. Examples of questions

include, “What is a favorite memory you have of (deceased student’s

name/name of other)? How did you know (deceased student’s name/name

of other)? What are some ways you would like to remember (deceased

student’s name/name of other)?” Many times these conversations are most

effective simultaneous to an activity, such as creating a card or drawing a

picture.

Ask these students how they coped with their past loss. Discuss ways they

can manage their grief in the midst of the recent death and for the future,

such as, talking with a trusted person, visiting the gravesite, journaling,

etc.

Students experiencing a layered reaction may begin to have fears

associated with their own death. Closely listen and acknowledge any

anxiety and fears, letting them know that fear and anxiety are normal

responses when thinking about death.

Request the involvement of a chaplain, psychologist or other trained

professional to engage a student experiencing a layered reaction.

Call the parents of these students to discuss the re-emergence of the

previous loss triggered by the current death.



41

[DATE]

Dear Parents,

It is with sadness that we inform you of [CHILD’S NAME] death on [DATE]. We are aware that this

kind of news will generate a variety of emotions in our school community. Every effort is being made to

support the students and school personnel during this time.

In tragic times such as this, the [NAME OF SCHOOL DISTRICT] administration invites a Crisis

Intervention Team to help provide support to our staff and students. As a part of the crisis support plan,

staff from [ORGANIZATION NAME, e.g. Cincinnati Children’s Hospital] will join our Crisis

Intervention Team on [DATE] to meet with students. The team will provide details surrounding the death,

answer questions and offer support to the students. Follow-up care for students will be available from

[NAME OF SCHOOL SUPPORT], (e.g., school counselor) during the school day. If your child has

additional needs, please feel free to contact [NAME OF SCHOOL SUPPORT] at [CONTACT

INFORMATION].

The School Crisis Support Team from [ORGANIZATION] will be sending a follow-up letter providing

additional information and resources for your consideration. As our school community comes together to

grieve the death of [CHILD’S NAME], our staff is available to provide support to you and your students.

If you have any questions please contact [NAME] at [CONTACT INFORMATION].

Sincerely,

[NAME OF SCHOOL PRINCIPAL]




42

How to talk with your child about death

It is important to talk with your child about the death of his/her classmate and to listen to your

child’s concerns.

When speaking about the death, use correct terms such as “death” or “died” instead of vague

terms such as “lost,” “passed away,” or “gone.”

It is helpful to discuss the following 4 basic concepts about death:

Death is irreversible. This concept helps children understand that death is permanent.

All life functions end completely at the time of death. This concept helps children to

understand that their classmate is no longer in pain.

Everything that is alive eventually dies. This concept helps children understand death

instead of having misconceptions that their classmate did something wrong.

There are physical reasons someone dies. This concept helps children understand the real

reason someone dies and prevents them from coming up with explanations that can cause

guilt or shame.

Grief is a process; thus, be sure to check in frequently with your child to see how he/she is

coping.

How to talk with your child about the funeral, visitation and memorial service:

It is important that children have the opportunity to attend services, regardless of their age. Prior

to attending the service, it is helpful to provide your child with an understanding of what to

expect. For example, explain what is going to happen at the service, who will be at the service,

where and when the service will take place, and the purpose of the service. Be sure to answer

your child’s questions as openly and honestly as you can.

Invite your child to attend; you should avoid forcing your child to attend, and instead, let your

child make the decision as to whether or not he/she will attend.

Attend the service with your child. If you absolutely cannot attend, find another adult to be with

your child. At the service, allow your child the opportunity to make decisions about where he/she

would like to sit, how long he/she would like to stay, whether they want to get in line to walk by

the casket, etc.

Check in with your child after the service. Offer comfort and love. Ask your child what he/she

thought of the service, and if he/she has thoughts or feelings he/she would like to discuss.

Additional Resources:

Children’s Grief Education Association: www.childgrief.org

The National Center for Grieving Children & Families (Dougy Center): www.dougy.org

National Alliance For Grieving Children: www.childrengrieve.org




http://www.childgrief.org/

http://www.dougy.org/

http://www.childrengrieve.org/

43

Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Bereavement

Contact Person: Jan Borgman

Address: 3333 Burnet Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 45229 MLC 5022

Phone number: 513-636-0069

Website: www.cincinnatichildrens.org/service/p/pastoral-care/bereavement/default/

Email: [email protected]

Summary of services: The bereavement program at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital offers support to

family, friends and others connected with the death of one of their patients. This program is helpful in

providing support as well as connecting others to support groups and activities throughout the

community.

Cancer Family Care

Address: 2421 Auburn Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45219


Website: www.cancerfamilycare.org

Summary of services: Cancer Family Care offers support to the family and friends of those who are

dealing with cancer. They are specifically trained in oncology social work, counseling, and grief and

bereavement services.

Fernside

Address: 4360 Cooper Road, Suite 100, Cincinnati, Ohio 45242

Phone number: (513) 246-9140

Website: www.fernside.org

Summary of services: A place of comfort and support for children and teens, ages 3-18, and their

families who have had a significant death in the family. Fernside provides grief support and outreach

and education to the community. They collaborate with schools – elementary, junior high and high

schools – to provide on-site grief support for grieving students.

Companions On A Journey

Contact Person: Sheila Munafo-Kanoza

Address: 5475 Creek Bend Drive, West Chester Ohio, 45069

Phone number: 513-870-9108 or 513-755-9433

Website: www.companionsonajourney.org

Email Address: [email protected]

Summary of services: Companions on a Journey Grief Support, Inc. is a faith based non-profit social

service organization that reaches out to those who grieve, educate those who do not understand, and

offer grief support to individuals, schools, businesses and organizations. They service the West

Chester and Liberty Township Ohio area, as well as the Tri-State.




44

Compassionate Friends

Contact Person: Susan Carlson (513) 821-9707 or Karen Pinsky, (513) 336-8959

Website: www.compassionatefriends.org


Summary of services: The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and

support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a

grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.

STARS

Contact Person: James Ellis



Summary of services: A support group for any school age child and their caregiver who has

experienced the death of a loved one. This program is offered as a semester series during the school

year. Series begin in September and January, 6:30-8:00 pm at Gloria Dei Lutheran Church, Crestview

Hills, Kentucky.

National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement

Contact Person: David Schonfeld, MD

Address: National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement, St. Christopher’s Hospital for

Children, 160 East Erie Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19134

Phone number: 215-427-4600.

Website: https://sowkweb.usc.edu/about/centers-affiliations/national-center-school-crisis-and-

bereavement

Summary of services: The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement Center was created

to promote an appreciation of the role schools can serve to support students, staff and families at

times of crisis and loss, enhance the training of individuals in school-related professional education

programs in the areas of crisis and loss, and serve as a resource for information, training materials,

consultation and technical assistance for school systems.

Mending Hearts

Address: John Eagle Christian Counseling Center, 225 Ludlow Street 3rd Floor, Hamilton, OH 45011


Summary: Provides peer support for children experiencing a loss due to the death of a loved one.



https://sowkweb.usc.edu/about/centers-affiliations/national-center-school-crisis-and-bereavement

https://sowkweb.usc.edu/about/centers-affiliations/national-center-school-crisis-and-bereavement

45

National Alliance for Grieving Children

Contact Person: Andy McNiel, Executive Director

Address: P.O. Box 2373, Stuart, Florida 34995

Phone Number: 866-432-1542

Website: http://childrengrieve.org/


Summary of Services: The National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC) provides a network for

nationwide communication between hundreds of children's bereavement support professionals and

volunteers who want to share ideas, information and resources with each other to better support the

families they serve in their own communities. Through this network, the NAGC offers online

education, hosts an annual symposium on children's grief, maintains a national data base of children's

bereavement support programs and promotes national awareness to enhance public sensitivity to the

issues impacting grieving children and teens.

Creatively Speaking for Children

Contact Person: Michelle Williams

Address: Hospice of the Blue Grass, Northern Kentucky, 7388 Turfway Road, Florence, KY 41042



Summary: A Saturday afternoon art therapy workshop for families designed to facilitate feeling

identification and expression

Rainbows

Contact Person: Sandy Keiser

Address: Catholic Charities of Southwest Ohio, 100 East Eighth Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202


Email: www.catholiccharitiesswo.org

Summary: Provides peer support for children experiencing a loss due to death, divorce or other

significant losses. Times and schedules are determined by the location.

Expressions Through Art (KY)

Contact Person: Michelle Williams



Summary: Through the use of art based interventions, children who are experiencing the death of a

loved one will be encouraged to express their grief, fostering “death understanding, coping and

memorialization.



46


Children

I Miss You: A First Look at Death

Author: Pat Thomas.

Summary: This picture book explores the difficult issue of death for young children. Children’s

feelings and questions about this sensitive subject are looked at in a simple but realistic way. This

book helps them to understand their loss and to come to terms with their feelings.

Help Me Say Goodbye

Author: Janis Silverman.

Summary: This is an art therapy book that encourages children to express their feelings in words or

pictures. It helps them think about what to say and do, how to deal with their feelings, and how to

remember their special friend or relative.

The Butterfly Field

Author: Alquin Gliane.

Summary: This is a book about a boy who finds meaning and comfort after his beloved grandfather’s

death.

Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying

Author: Joyce C. Mills.

Summary: This is a book for children who may not survive their illness. This comforting story about

a tender-spirited tree and her friends in the forest will also help all children with the death of friends,

family members, or even pets.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

Author: Brand Mellonie and Robert Ingpen.

Summary: This book helps explain life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. It tells about

beginnings, about endings, and about living in between.

Someone I Love Died

Author: Christine Harder Tangvald.

Summary: This book is just for kids and contains words to help them understand their loss, answers

questions about Heaven, and illustrations to guide them through this difficult time. Note: This is

written from a Christian tradition.



47

When Someone Dies

Author: Sharon Greenlee.

Summary: This book offers help in dealing with the confusion and hurt felt by grieving children and

adults. It includes suggestions for surviving the changes and remembering the good times in order to

help transform sorrow into comfort.

I Had A Friend Names Peter: Talking to Children About the Death of a Friend

Author: Janice Cohn.

Summary: In this sensitive story, a girl learns of the sudden death of her friend Peter. The book

discusses certain guidelines from experts that answer the questions parents and teacher may have

about talking to children about death.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf

Author: Leo Buscaglia.

Summary: Using the story of a leaf, this book is an inspiring allegory illustrative the delicate balance

between life and death.

Teenagers:

When a Friend Dies: a book for teens about grieving and healing

Author: Marilyn Gootman

Summary: This is a wonderful book that speaks directly to anyone who has suffered the loss of a

friend. Also for parents and teachers who work with a teen.

Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers:How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love Author: Earl A. Grollman.

Summary: This book explains what to expect when you lose someone you love.

Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens:100 Practical Ideas Author: Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D

Summary: Simple tips for understanding and expressing your grief.

The Grieving Teen: A guide for teenagers and their friends Author: Helen Fitzgerald.

Summary: This is a guide for teens from everything from the sickbed to the funeral, from the first

day back to school to the first anniversary of the death. She lets teens know they are not alone.

Grief Girl, my true story Author: Eric Vincent.

Summary: A beautiful story told in diary form over a five year period told by the author of when her

parents were both killed while crossing the street. Begins with the phone call and goes through her

next few years of trials and tribulations.



48

Fire In My Heart, Ice In My Veins: A Journal for Teenagers Website: www.fireinmyheartjournal.com

Summary: A journal where teens can write letters, copy down meaningful lyrics, write songs and

poems, tell the person who died what they want them to know, finish business and use their creativity

to work through the grieving process. There is also a website designed to let you share your stories,

illustrations, help items and other information that you share in the journal “Fire In My Heart, Ice In

My Veins” in an online anonymous environment.

I Will Remember You: What To Do When Someone You Love Dies Author: L. Dower.

Summary: This is a guidebook through grief for teens.

Teen Websites:

http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/young-people Summary: This website includes a downloadable Grief Guide for Teenagers as well as the following

resources: Top 10 Playlist for Good Grief Days, Top 10 Books, Top 10 Tips from a Bereaved Young

Person, resources for talking to someone and e-counseling.

Teen YouTube:

Teens Talk Grief: Summary: Grieving teens share their stories and talk about what helped as they journeyed

through the grief of losing someone close to them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z252Us-ukFE

Adults:

The Books of Compassion Press Address: 7036 State Highway 80 South, Burnsville, NC 28714



Website: www.compassionbooks.com/

Summary: A web resource for more than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults

through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including

divorce, suicide, trauma, sudden loss, and violence.

Living with Loss Magazine Email: [email protected]

Website: www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009

Summary: Featuring articles, stories, poems, resources and products from traditional and alternative

perspectives that address the issue of living with loss associated with death, terminal illness, cancer,

jobs, natural disasters, finances, divorce, mental health and physical challenges, ecumenical faith and

spirituality, pet loss and military loss. Our mission is to offer compassion and hope with the most

current resources, information and tools for coping with life’s losses.



http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/young-people

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z252Us-ukFE

49

Dear Faculty and Staff,

It is with sadness that I write to inform you of the death of one of our students. [CHILD’S NAME] died

on [DATE] at [PLACE]. Our School Crisis Intervention Team has been called and will be helping our

students and school personnel as we grieve this tragic loss.

On [DATE, TIME, PLACE] we will have a mandatory staff meeting. During this meeting, we will

discuss further details about the plan to care for our community including the supportive measures put in

place for our students, staff and family of [CHILD’S NAME]. On [DATE OF MEETING] you will

receive specific details such as how the information will be shared with the community. This meeting will

also provide an opportunity for staff to ask questions and to begin processing this tragedy with colleagues.

If students ask you about [CHILD’S NAME] before this meeting, acknowledge that the death has

occurred but refrain from discussing the details. Rather, let the students know that the school staff will

provide information to everyone in the near future. If a student appears to be in crisis or having difficulty,

refer that student to [NAME OF SCHOOL COUNSELOR].

We expect that there will be a variety of reactions to [CHILD’S NAME] death. Please be patient with our

students and your colleagues as the grieving process and range of emotions vary greatly between

individuals. During this difficult time, consider utilizing the resources that are available, such as [NAME

OF SCHOOL COUNSELOR/CRISIS INTERVENTION TEAM/OTHER RESOURCE] to assist you with

this difficult time.

Thank you for the care that you gave to [CHILD’S NAME] as well as the care you will continue to

provide to the students. If you have questions, please feel free to contact [NAME OF PRINCIPAL OR

CRISIS TEAM COORDINATOR].

Mandatory Staff Meeting

Time:

Date:

Location:

Sincerely,

[Name of Principal]




50

Ideas for Self-Care

The death of a student can be overwhelming not only for the students but also for the school

staff. This can be a difficult time for school staff as they are often dealing with their own grief

while supporting students at the same time. Taking care of yourself is important, especially when

you are taking care of others. Listed below are suggestions for self-care.

Identify a support person to process the event/emotions

Take a nice long walk

Journal your thoughts/prayers

Meditate

Go see a movie and eat popcorn

Schedule quality time with a friend or significant other

Spend time with your family

Practice a new breathing technique (3 slow, deep breaths)

Take a nap

Take a bubble bath

Ask a friend for a hug

Participate in an art activity

Doodle

Exercise

Develop a meditation practice

Go on a picnic

Ride a bike

Listen to music

Eat a meal by candlelight

Garden

Play with a child

Begin a gratitude practice by listing 5 things you are grateful for each day

Go for a jog/run

Pet a dog/cat

Go cloud-watching: Lay on your back, relax and watch the sky

Practice mindfulness moments (being in the moment) throughout the day

Tickle a baby

Lay on a blanket and gaze at the stars

Read a story

Watch a ballet

Dance to your favorite music

Sit outdoors by a fire-pit, watching the flames and listening to the night sounds

Pray/Practice your faith

Seek out professional help for extra support



51

It can be meaningful for a school community to plan one or more activities in memory of the

deceased student. Below are several creative suggestions for memorializing activities:

Memorial Fundraiser

T-shirts honoring child

Plant a tree

Decorate locker or desk

Moment of silence at a school function

o Examples:

Athletic Event

Academic Event

Name something in the school in honor of the child

o Child’s name on a plaque and placed on a bench

Create an album

Name a star

Memorial garden

Stepping stone/rock

Scholarship fund in the deceased’s name

Volunteer time or funds to the designated charity the family has chosen

Work with the family to create a memorial website for people to post pictures, stories, etc.




52

For classrooms that have used the Monkey in My Chair (MIMC) program, a frequent question

asked by students and staff is what to do with the monkey after a classmate has died. It is helpful

for a class to discuss their thoughts and feelings about the monkey and to be part of the decision

about what will happen to the monkey. Listed below are some suggestions to consider. If the

decision is to keep the monkey in the classroom, it will be important to have discussions about

when and where to move it. There is no time limit that is best, but continued conversations about

it will be helpful as students grieve, heal, and move on.

Have a discussion with the class to determine what the majority of the children want to do with

the monkey:

o How long do they want to keep it in the classroom?

o Do they want to change the location of the monkey from the student’s desk to a different

area of the classroom?

o Do they want to give the monkey to the family? If so, when?

Suggestions for keeping the monkey in the room:

o Have a conversation with the class to select a location for the monkey and backpack

Determine whether the monkey should remain in the student’s chair or if moving

it to another location in the room might be more appropriate

o Have supplies available for the students to draw pictures, write letters, and/or write

thoughts during times when they are thinking about their peer. If they choose to, they can

place these items into the monkey’s backpack.

o Schedule a time for the class to work on an activity; sample activities may include having

the students:

Create cards for the family

Use sticky notes to write down memories or thoughts about their classmate (these

notes can then be attached to a large poster, which can be displayed at the

visitation or funeral, if appropriate)

Draw a picture or writing a letter of a memory or fun time with the student

Take a picture of the class with the monkey. This can be framed for the family,

taken to the visitation/funeral, or made into a card that can be sent to the family

at a later date

Plan a fundraiser that the monkey will attend. The backpack can be used to store

the donations or other items. The money can be given to an organization that the

family chooses or to a fund set up by the family.

Have t-shirts made that honor the child. Select a day when the class will all wear

the shirts. Make sure to have a shirt made for the monkey to be worn that same

day. A picture can be taken of the class and monkey wearing the t-shirts. The

picture can be sent to the family.

o Choose a future date that you will discuss as a class if you want the monkey to remain in

the room or not.

If the class chooses to have the monkey remain in the classroom, be sure to

revisit the issue periodically.

If they feel ready to remove the monkey from the classroom, help the class

choose where they would like for it to go.




53

Suggestions for giving the monkey to the family:

o Take a picture of the class with the monkey to include in the backpack when returning the

monkey to the family.

o Have students write a note, color a picture, or sign a card to include in the backpack.

o If the students decide to give the monkey to the family immediately, this can be done

prior to the funeral so the family has the option to display the monkey at the

funeral/visitation.

o It is best to have one or two people return the monkey to the family as it may be

overwhelming to have multiple visitors.



54

Emotions/Memories Poster Board

Lesson Focus:

Coping with feelings of grief after the death of a classmate

Rationale:

To encourage children in exploring feelings they are experiencing. Evoke positive memories of the

deceased classmate and provide a supportive gesture to the family of the deceased student.

Materials/Preparation for Teaching:

Decorative post-it notes or notecards (up to 6 for each student)

Markers, crayons, colored pencils, pens

2 Large display boards (e.g. science fair poster board) or poster board

o Label one of them “Emotions”

o Label the other one “Memories”

Chart paper

Mini-lesson: (10 Minutes)

Teaching Point: Students will talk about the variety of feelings one might experience after a death of

someone they know and the ways of coping with those feelings and emotions.

Read a children’s book that deals with emotions/memories to introduce concept

(I Miss You: A Look at Death by Pat Thomas)

Conduct a discussion with the students about the variety of feelings one might experience

after a death of someone they know

Ask students to think of adjectives that they may use to describe feelings. List

these on the board/chart paper:

Sadness, anger, disgust, anxiety, fear, surprise, disappointment, etc.

Reassure the students that any feelings they are experiencing are okay and that

there is no right or wrong emotion during a death

Explain that sharing memories and telling stories is one way of coping with your

emotions

Break students into small group and have them brainstorm and share some of

their own stories about the deceased. This provides time for students to think

about and remember the student and encourage conversation.

Examples for children to consider: favorite game they liked to play, a

classroom activity they participated in with the student, sports or clubs

they enjoyed with their classmate, similar interests, etc.




55

Guided Activity:

Explain the activity to the children:

o Introduce the display boards and what each board represents

o Inform students that they will be selecting up to 6 post-it notes or notecards

o Explain to the students that they can write and/or draw emotions or memories and apply them

to the coinciding display board

Sharing/Reflection:

Invite students to share about the post-it notes they placed on the board

Following the sharing session, be sure to explain that their emotions may change with time

Check in with the students to obtain a sense of their emotional state over the next few weeks

Share board(s) with family

o A representative from the school can either take the boards to the funeral home for

display (prior to delivery to the funeral home, obtain family’s approval) or arrange a time

to deliver to the family

Differentiated Instruction:

Students can draw their memories or emotions

Provide pictures that display memories or emotions for students to color and add to the board

Provide typed out words of emotions that students can paste to the post-it notes or notecards

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion:

o Pay close attention to which portion of the activity the children respond to as this generalized

lesson plan is intended for all ages. Engagement in the activity will allow you to notice which

portion of the lesson your age population responds to

Alarming items requiring follow up:

o Was this activity particularly upsetting to any of the students?

If so, ask the student if they would like to follow up with a representative from the

school (counselor, crisis intervention team member, or ask them with whom they feel

close enough to talk to)

o Did any of the responses regarding feelings seem outrageous or alarming?

If so, request involvement from the school counselor or school psychologist

o Inform the parent of any child that seems particularly upset

Any future follow up required:

o Assess whether more follow up activities should be conducted in the future

Situations that might warrant follow-up:

After the activity, students experienced a difficult transition back to typical

school day

Students seem interested in the concept of the activity, but are not interested

in Emotions/Memories poster board activity. Students may be suggesting a

need for alternative activities

Situations that might not warrant follow-up:

Students are not engaged in the activity for the duration of the activity

Students are eager to move on with alternative activities

If the situation warrants follow-up, determine when the follow-up would be

appropriate and note this date on your planner as these types of activities are easy to

forget in the midst of a busy school year



56

Memorializing an Area for the Student

Lesson Focus:


Rationale:

Students will be encouraged to process their emotions/feelings through a memorializing activity.


Teaching Point: Students will discuss, plan, and create a memorial to remember classmate.

Read a children’s book that deals with emotions/memories to introduce concept:

(The Invisible String by Patrice Karst)

Introduce what it means to memorialize a person after death.

o Provide some examples of famous memorials that have been created to remember those

who have passed

o Ask students for examples of any memorials they’ve visited or are aware of

Discuss why people choose certain locations to memorialize a person.

o Gather ideas on chart paper for reference

Discuss the reasons why people create these types of memorials and how they decided what to

create to memorialize a person.

o Gather ideas on chart paper for reference

Explain to students that the class will be creating a site to memorialize the classmate.

Guided Activity:

Have students brainstorm some suggestions as to where they would like the memorial to be

located (or have an approved list of ideas that students may vote on):

o Possible Suggestions:

Student’s desk

Trophy case

An area in the front office

A corner in the classroom

Once students have decided on the location of the memorial, begin brainstorming as a class ideas

of things they could do as individuals that would capture their memories and emotions.

o Possible Suggestions:

Letters

Pictures (photos, etc.)

Drawings

Words (poetry, stories, quotes, etc.)

Allow the students to begin to plan, create and decorate the selected area with letters, pictures,

drawings, words, memories, etc.

If the students do not wish to have their letters or pictures on display, they can place them in the

backpack which will be displayed in the memorial.

If possible, the students can decorate or paint their classmate’s desk with positive memories

(discuss appropriateness prior to allowing the children to paint or permanently mark on the desk).



57

Sharing/Reflection:

Once the memorial is complete, decide if the students want to have a class, grade-level, or school

wide assembly to present the memorial.

Invite students to volunteer to share their contributions during the presentation.

Approximately one month after the activity, begin a discussion with the students to determine

when and if they want to dismantle the memorial. Resume these discussions on a monthly basis

until an appropriate time frame is determined.

Upon dismantling the memorial, invite students to take meaningful parts of the memorial home.


Students can draw their memories or emotions.

Provide pre-drawn pictures that display memories or emotions for students to color and add to the

board.

Provide typed out words of emotions that students can select and paste to the memorial.

Provide magazines that pictures can be cut from and displayed on memorial.

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion:

o Pay close attention to which portion of the activity the children respond to as this generalized

lesson plan is intended for all ages. Engagement in the activity will allow you to notice which

portion of the lesson your student population responds to.

Alarming items requiring follow-up:


If so, ask the student if they would like to follow-up with a representative from the

school (counselor, crisis intervention team member, or ask them with whom they feel

close enough to talk to)




Any future follow-up required:

o Assess whether more follow-up activities should be conducted in the future


After the activity, students experienced a difficult transition back to typical

school day

Students seem interested in the concept of the activity, but are not interested

in Emotions/Memories poster board activity. Students may be suggesting the






appropriate and note this date on your planner as these types of activities are easy to

forget in the midst of a busy school year



58

Creating Lists

Lesson Focus:


Rationale:

Students will be encouraged to process their emotions/feelings in an effective way and to discuss healthy

steps to utilize their emotions/feeling through the grieving process.


Copies of a T-chart worksheet – 1 for each student

Pens/Pencils

Chart Paper


Teaching Point: Students will understand that everyone grieves in different ways. Some ways are healthy

and some are unhealthy.

Read a children’s book that deals with emotions/memories to introduce concept:

(Tear Soup by Chuck DeKlyen)

Begin by explaining that people grieve in many different ways and that there is no right or

wrong feelings when someone is grieving.

Discuss the fact that people engage in a variety of activities for the duration of the grieving

process.

o What are some healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with grief?

Ask students to “Turn and talk” to their partner(s) and jot down some

ideas

After students have had time to discuss their thoughts, bring them back

for a classroom discussion and time to share their ideas Discuss healthy versus unhealthy ways of dealing with grief

Write these ideas on large, chart paper so that all of the students can

contribute and clearly see everyone’s ideas

Explain that there are MANY other ways that people grieve in a healthy

manner and that you would like to compile a list of ideas generated from the

students in hopes to assist their peers with some positive ideas/actions

Guided Activity:

Distribute a T-chart worksheet to the students. Using the T-chart, ask students to list the

healthy ways in which people grieve on the left side of the chart and use the other side of the

chart to list the unhealthy ways in which some people grieve

Explain to the students that they will be given the opportunity to share their answers, only if

they would like to share them

Also, explain to them that the worksheets will be collected and some of the healthy

suggestions to grieve will be compiled into one list

o Only certain information from each individual worksheet will be included in the overall

list, excluding personal/confidential information

o The information will then be re-distributed to the entire classroom

o To promote confidentiality, be sure the students know that they do not have to write their

name on the worksheet



59

Sharing/Reflection:

A couple days later, present the gathered information to the students and distribute a copy of

the compiled list. Emphasize the healthy approach to grieving and remind students how to

seek help if they or a friend is grieving in an unhealthy way


Depending on the needs of the students in your classroom, consider any required

modifications/adaptations

o Student completes worksheet with a peer or in a group

o Teacher or another student scribes answers

o Teacher creates multiple choice answers for student to choose from and circle

o Student draws pictures for each example

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion:

o Pay close attention to which portion of the activity the children respond to as this

generalized lesson plan is intended for all ages. Engagement in the activity will allow you

to notice which portion of the lesson your student population responds to



If so, ask the student if they would like to follow-up with a representative from

the school (counselor, crisis intervention team member, or ask them with whom

they feel close enough to talk to)







After the activity, students experienced a difficult transition back to

typical school day

Students seem interested in the concept of the activity, but are not

interested in creating list. Students may be suggesting a need for

alternative activities





appropriate and note this date on your planner as these types of activities are easy

to forget in the midst of a busy school year



60

Beaded Bracelets

Lesson Focus:


Rationale:

To assist the students in exploring the feelings they are experiencing one month (or more) after the death

of their classmate.


Bead stringing wire (or other bracelet/necklace string)

Variety of colorful beads appropriate for both males/females

Jewelry clasps

Chart Paper


Teaching Point: Students will explore feelings they may have experienced or feelings others might

experience after the death of a friend, relative, classmate, pet, etc.

In small groups give students time to brainstorm the positive and negative feelings one might

experience after the death of a friend, relative, classmate, pet, etc.

Create a T-chart and write their responses on the board or chart paper so they can refer back to

them later in the activity

Positive Feelings Experienced After Death Love

Appreciation

Happiness

Hope

Enthusiasm

Confidence

Optimism

Trust

Negative Feelings Experienced After Death Sadness

Anger

Lack of Motivation

Anxiety

Fear

Guilt

Jealousy

Self-Pity

Shame

Guided Activity:

Distribute materials to students

Have the children pick one of the negative feelings they experienced the most in reference to the

deceased

o Allow students to pick a bead which represents/relates to that feeling

Request that the children pick two positive feelings they experienced or would like to experience

in the near future

o Allow students to pick two beads which represent/relate to those feelings

Have the children place one of the positive beads on the string, followed by the negative bead,

and finally, the other positive bead, then attach the jewelry clasps




61

Sharing/Reflection:

Ask students:

o What made you choose those specific beads to represent your negative/positive feelings?

Turn and talk to a neighbor (e.g. did the color, shape, etc. represent something to you)

Why would we choose one negative bead and two positive beads to put on our

bracelet?

Why do you think we put the “negative” bead in-between the two “positive”

beads?

Is it okay to feel negative emotions related to death? Why?

Is it okay to feel positive emotions related to death? Why?

o Explain to students that they will eventually experience more of the positive than the

negative feelings and that’s what the bracelet/necklace represents (2 positive to 1

negative). If they are feeling hopeless, the bracelet/necklace can be a reminder to them

that things will eventually get better. It might also serve as a reminder of some of the

positive times they had with their peer/pet/etc. Suggest that the students make an effort to

surround their negative emotions with positive emotions, just as it is represented in their

piece of jewelry.


Depending on the needs of the students in your classroom, consider any required

modifications/adaptations

o Large beads with string/yarn for children with fine motor difficulty

o Create a necklace instead of a bracelet if larger beads are needed

o Pre-select beads and assign a meaning to them for those who cannot conceptualize on

their own how a color could represent a feeling

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion:





o Was this activity particularly upsetting to any of the students? If so, ask the student if

they would like to follow-up with a representative from the school (counselor, crisis

intervention team member, or ask them with whom they feel close enough to talk to)

o Did any of the responses regarding feelings seem outrageous or alarming? If so, request

involvement from the school counselor or school psychologist.






typical school day


interested in jewelry making. Students may be suggesting the need for

alternative activities





62







63

Family Letters

Lesson Focus:


Rationale:

To provide the students with an activity to assist in exploring their current feelings regarding the death of

their classmate and to provide the family with fond memories their child’s classmates had with him/her.

Materials:

Construction Paper

Markers, Pens, Pencils, Crayons

Lined paper (1/2 sheets)

Poems, diary entries, or stories written by other authors about death.

Yearbooks

Chart Paper

Timing/Preparation:

This activity can be completed one month or longer post the student’s death. Give students

time (couple of days or so) to begin thinking of stories and jotting them down in writers

notebooks

o Students may begin writing ideas in writing notebooks prior to discussion. If

class does not keep a writers notebook, create a mini-notebook that students

begin brainstorming ideas within

o Use the “ideas to prompt thoughts” as small moment ideas they may have had

with the student that passed

o Provide poems, diary entries, or stories written by other authors about death to

give students ideas about writing about this topic

o Provide yearbooks so students can reminisce about previous years and jog their

memories about past memories



64


Teaching Point: Students will explore some of their current feelings regarding the death of their

classmate and share with each other and the family some fond memories they’ve had with him/her

through writings, pictures, poetry, etc.

Ideas to prompt thoughts:

Sports

Playground

Class projects/presentations

Group work

Lunch room

Gym

Music

After school activities

Neighborhood activities

Things they had in common

Display “Ideas to Prompt Thoughts” Chart and review the various ideas that students can use when trying

to think of memories and time spent with their classmate.

Ask students to think of a memory they have about or shared with the deceased student

Ask students to put their thumbs up when they have identified their favorite memory or multiple

memories

Ask students to turn and talk to their assigned partner or neighbor and to share their individual

memories

Teacher will listen as students share with each other and gather 2-3 memories to share with the

whole group

Guided Activity:

Dismiss students from mini-lesson and ask them to brainstorm as many stories as possible

about their prior classmate. If students have been collecting stories in their writer’s notebooks

and have a good amount of ideas, then provide time for students to discuss and share their

stories in small groups or partners

Request that students look through all their ideas/stories about their classmate and choose one

favorite and positive story or interaction that they had with their former classmate

Depending on age, have the students write their memories from that story on a piece of lined

paper, and/or draw/decorate a piece of construction paper based on their memory

If they cannot think of a specific story, ask them to write an enlightening poem or passage of

their own or re-write a poem or passage from an author. Alternatively, they may decorate the

construction paper with a peaceful picture

Sharing/Reflection:

After everyone has completed their story/picture, have volunteers share

Collect stories and pictures, bind together with yarn and keep as a class book or send to the

family of the classmate



65


Consider the needs of your students and make appropriate modifications/adaptations for any

student in need

o Teacher sits 1:1 with a student who is struggling to recall a memory. Suggest

several memories a student could utilize for the activity

o Allow student to dictate the story and have the adult scribe (or a responsible

student)

o Have a small group sit with student and tell stories to recall memories or review

yearbooks together

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion: o Pay close attention to which portion of the activity the children respond to as this

generalized lesson plan is intended for all ages. Engagement in the activity will allow

you to notice which portion of the lesson your student population responds to.



If so, ask the student if they would like to follow-up with a representative

from the school (counselor, crisis intervention team member, or ask them

with whom they feel close enough to talk to)


If so, request involvement from the school counselor or school

psychologist.





After the activity, students experienced a difficult transition back

to typical school day

Students seem interested in the concept of the activity, but are

not interested in family letters. Students may be suggesting the



Students are not engaged in the activity for the duration of the

activity


If the situation warrants follow-up, determine when the follow-up would

be appropriate and note this date on your planner as these types of

activities are easy to forget in the midst of a busy school year



66

Meaningful Music

Lesson Focus:


Rationale:

To assist children/young adults in learning the various ways to cope when trying to deal with the death of

a classmate.

Materials:

CD Player/IPOD player

Songs with meaning (choose different cultures and genres)

Lyrics to songs

Ear-buds or headphones (or rooms to listen to songs)

Chart paper

Timing/Preparation:

It should be up to the teacher to determine if they want students to bring in their own

songs or if they prefer to preselect songs for the students to choose from.

o Students should choose a song that has meaning for them or meaning for

someone else who is dealing with a death. If the teacher is allowing students to

bring in songs of their choice, the teacher may want students to bring in the lyrics

and/or the name of the song and artist so it may be reviewed prior to sharing.

Some songs may not be appropriate to share.


Teaching Point: Students will explore the use of music in the grieving process and how music can assist

in the journey through the grief process.

Small groups brainstorm ways that people may grieve

o Identify one student within the group to record ideas

Come back as a whole group; ask students to share the various ways they think people

may grieve. Write ideas on chart paper

o For example, some people express grief through artwork, others exercise, some

might want to be alone in a quiet place, some people pray, others cry and like to

talk about memories of the deceased and some people like to listen to music

Discuss that this activity focuses on the use of music in the grieving process

o Ask the students - What are some different ways that you think music can assist

someone in their journey through the grief process?

Various cultures dance, others sing, some people combine both listening

to music and exercising to relieve stress, and others just like to listen to

meaningful lyrics



67

Guided Activity:

In this activity, the focus will be on either the lyrics or the soothing melody of music that

may help people cope

o Students choose a song that has meaning for them or meaning for someone else

who is dealing with a death

o Once the students have selected the song, ask students to write a short, ½ page

description of why they chose the song and why the song might mean something

to someone who is grieving

o Group students with 3-5 other students to play and discuss their songs

The group will select one song they like best and write a brief description

of their rationale for choosing the song

a. The rationale should include an explanation of how the song

holds meaning for someone struggling with a death

Sharing/Reflection:

Each group will share their rationale and then play the song for the class


Consider any special needs for the students in your classroom and adjust the activity

appropriately

o Teacher selects 3-5 songs in advance and allows the students to choose their favorite

o In the class presentation, allow the students to have alternative means to present to the

class (e.g., artwork, interpretive dance) instead of written paragraph

Follow-Up/Review:

Teacher suggestion:





o Was this activity particularly upsetting to any of the students? If so, ask the student if

they would like to follow-up with a representative from the school (counselor, crisis

intervention team member, or ask them with whom they feel close enough to talk to)

o Did any of the responses regarding feelings seem outrageous or alarming? If so, request

involvement from the school counselor or school psychologist






typical school day


interested in meaningful music assignment. Students may be suggesting

the need for alternative activities






68

If the situation warrants follow-up, determine when the follow up would be



