SCIENTIA

2008

The Journal of the Honors Program

About the Author

Maria Alena Scavone is graduating summa cum laude from Marywood University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in French and Spanish and a minor in Music and Dance Performance. As a Marywood student, she has served as a resident assistant, co-chair for the Foreign Language Department Immersion Day, French tutor, English as a second language (ESL) tutor, orientation advisor (2005), and secretary of the World Languages Club. Maria has participated in campus service activities including Make a Difference Day and KIDSTUFF, and has organized monetary collections for Hurricane Katrina victims and Thanksgiving food baskets for families in need. Maria is a member of Delta Epsilon Sigma National Scholastic Honor Society, Kappa Gamma Pi National Catholic College Graduate Honor Society, and Phi Sigma Iota International Foreign Language Honor Society. She has been on the Marywood University Dean’s List every semester, a participant of the Marywood University Honors Program, and a member of Who’s Who Among American Colleges and Universities. Maria is honored to have received the Dr. Wanda Persichetti Medal for Excellence in Foreign Languages. Following graduation, Maria intends to teach English as an English Teaching Assistant in France for the 2008-2009 school year. Maria is grateful to all those who have encouraged her to excel, especially her mother and grandmother; the professors of the Foreign Language Department: Dr. Mary Elizabeth Kenny, Dr. Ann Cerminaro-Costanzi, Mrs. Alice Reyes, and Dr. José Reyes; Director of the Marywood University Honors Program, Christina Marie Elvidge; Sister Joan Ciraula, Public Services Clerk; Maria Michelle Sitko, Associate Professor, Library Services; Dr. Peter Spader, Professor of Philosophy; and Margaret Leombruni, Foreign Language Department for their constant support.

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Interpreting Common Misunderstandings that Occur between the French and Americans

for the Purpose of Promoting Intercultural Understanding

Maria Alena Scavone

Unfamiliarity with French cultural norms when visiting abroad is a factor which

inevitably contributes to misunderstandings between Americans and the French. Cultural

misunderstandings lead to stereotypes which hinder the potential for the improvement of

intercultural exchange on a person to person level. Sufficient knowledge of France’s less visible

aspects of culture (rules of proper etiquette, social norms, French perceptions) will promote

understanding between the French and American people, provide opportunities to share and

further understand aspects of each other’s culture, and guide Americans who wish to enjoy a visit

to France without offending or being offended.

Those who are visiting a foreign country judge that culture according to the norms and

rules of etiquette governing their native culture, a natural and unintentional mistake.

Sociologists call this practice ethnocentrism (Tischler 57). Metaphorically, the native culture is

often a barrier for people trying to comprehend a new culture.

Interculturalists often use the iceberg metaphor to describe culture. In this

metaphor, as in reality, only 10 percent of the iceberg is visible above the waterline,

while 90 percent remains hidden. The visible part of culture (also called “big C culture”)

includes obvious elements such as art, literature, music, dance, traditional dress, and

cuisine – all the things that make a visit to a foreign culture different and interesting.

The invisible part of the iceberg (“small c culture”) becomes apparent only after

an extended period of living or working in another culture. In fact, the part we can’t see

is where we are most likely to founder. Here is where we run headlong into different

values, beliefs, assumptions, notions of morality, and, in general, rules about what is and

is not done, what is and is not appropriate. (Asselin xv)

Equipped with knowledge of the “small c culture,” visitors will be able to judge with more

clarity the confusing circumstances in which they may find themselves. The following analyses

of common misunderstandings that occur between the French and Americans are intended to

build a bridge of understanding between people who have deeply ingrained differing

perspectives.

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As a student who attended a six week study abroad program during the summer of 2006

at L’Université de Pau located in the Aquitaine region of southern France, I earned six credits

toward my bachelor’s degree in French. Living in France provided me with opportunities to

participate and personally observe the circumstances in which cultural misunderstandings may

develop between Americans and the French. These experiences will be recounted to demonstrate

the way in which two different socially acceptable behaviors can conflict when each party lacks

knowledge of the other.

Upon returning from my study abroad, I began researching frequently occurring cultural

misunderstandings and discovering the deeper meaning of French behaviors that are too often

misconstrued by Americans as arrogant and rude. Valuable information supporting the fact that

Americans and the French can cooperate if each understands and respects existing culture

defining differences has been provided by authors as diverse as Jean-Benoît Nadeau and Julie

Barlow who have lived in France and Harriet Welty Rochefort who is currently living in France.

Polly Platt is an educator who designs and presents cross-cultural training sessions for

Americans moving to France. Business executives, Gilles Asselin and Ruth Mastron, wrote a

book specifically for people who want to “figure out the French.” Anthropologist and

sociologist, Raymonde Carroll, studied misunderstandings between the French and Americans

and has provided an insightful reference. The current President of France, Monsieur le Président

Nicholas Sarkozy, believes in maintaining positive international relations between the United

States and France as stated in his 2006 publication Testimony.

American tourists who wait more than an hour in a French restaurant before the server

takes their order, or who ask directions of a stranger on the street and receive a cold stare in

response, should care to understand why they were treated in this way, rather than returning

home with stories that validate the stereotype, “The French really are so very rude.” Harriet

Welty Rochefort remarks, “It may be hard to figure out why the French, and especially the

Parisians, act as they do, but if you’re a tourist, you probably don’t really care” (72). However,

she continues to say that people who are moving to France should try to understand certain

things like the rules of politesse (politeness). Whether planning a short visit or a longer stay,

visitors to France hope to enjoy themselves and will find that caring about “why the French act

as they do” is a step closer toward becoming socially accepted and appropriately treated with

politesse.

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Discovering that our own behavior is a possible reason for the inhumane treatment we

receive abroad is difficult to accept. We as Americans have been learning the norms and values

of our culture since the day we were born. To continue to act “American” outside the United

States feels completely natural…until we realize that non-Americans do not respond to us in the

same manner that other Americans do. The reactions we receive are often hurtful. Our

intentions are often misinterpreted. Learning the norms of another culture will facilitate

communication and understanding and will allow us to see the world through a new and different

perspective. Behavior that was previously viewed as offensive will no longer be considered rude

when social customs are properly understood.

The Language Barrier

The main barrier that separates Americans and the French is the language barrier. The

French possess an immense pride in their language. In fact, the Académie Française, an

institution founded by Cardinal Duc De Richelieu for the purpose of preserving the French

language and established under the reign of King Louis XIII in 1635, still exists today (Asselin

38). The preservation of the French language extends to the preservation of the French culture

and unity among French people.

Many people when visiting abroad assume that the tour guide will be bilingual and

underestimate the importance of attempting to speak the language. In Paris many individuals

speak English, either fluently or to some degree, but in other French cities people who speak

English are not easily found. The benefits of learning the French language transform an

individual from a curious observer to an active participant. Language acquisition reduces

alienation and estrangement while increasing independence and the ability to participate in

everyday activities with ease and confidence. Steve Skoczylas, vice-president in charge of

business control at the Paris office of J.P. Morgan, Inc., agreed that his knowledge of French

helped him work more effectively with his French co-workers. “France was that much more

beautiful and enjoyable because we could communicate. All those hours and effort spent on

studying French were abundantly worth it” (Platt 235).

Beginning a second language for adults may be a difficult task. As the critical-age

hypothesis states, the ability to acquire language is biologically based, and language is most

easily learned from birth to middle childhood (Fromkin 53). Learning a second language for an

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adult is, therefore, a battle against the restrictions imposed by the human brain. Second language

learners must rely on memorization and intense grammar study (Fromkin 346). Adult learners

should realize that the slow rate of progression in learning a second language is normal and

should continue to practice patiently.

Although challenging, second language acquisition is not impossible and can be achieved

independently. Barron’s Learn French the Fast and Fun Way is a beginner’s book that focuses

on vocabulary and pronunciation. Barron’s also has a cassette program that is called Pronounce

it Perfectly in French. Traveler’s French CD’s by the Institute for Language Study is a good

auditory program that teaches phrases needed by tourists. For intermediate and advanced

learners of French, The Ultimate French Review and Practice: Mastering French Grammar for

Confident Communication book and CD is an excellent program. French courses can also be

taken as audit courses at universities if you find the classroom a more effective place to learn.

It may seem at first that honest attempts to communicate in French are returned with

coldness. This response should not deter you from continuing to try your best at French. Even a

French person who speaks English fluently may resist using English to communicate with

strangers. It all depends on the way in which you present yourself. Travelers should avoid

approaching a French stranger and immediately addressing him or her in English, even when

they may have heard the French person speak English. The French are offended by this

behavior, interpreting it as presumptuous and arrogant. In effect, he or she will be less willing to

help. You are in France, and an attempt to communicate in French will show that you respect

their country. This gesture will earn a better response than assuming their knowledge of English.

The French may even correct your errors seeing that you are learning. This should be taken as a

compliment. They are making the effort to help you improve your French. “Foreigners are

forgiven everything except not trying at all. But do give it your best. You’ll have a lot more fun

if you understand what people are saying. And you’ll get a lot more smiles” (Platt 162).

What matters most is to present yourself in a manner which demonstrates that you have

some knowledge of French rules of politesse (civility, politeness). This will determine how you

are treated in response to your request.

While studying French grammar and conversation in Pau, I began to contemplate the very

real effects of culture shock as a college student on a foreign campus. Tischler defines culture

shock as “the difficulty people have adjusting to a new culture that differs markedly from their

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own” (57). I was only just beginning to realize how different the French culture is. During a

ten-minute break from our French language course, a classmate and I went to the on-campus

café, La Vague. I addressed the waitress, “Bonjour, un café au lait, s’il vous plaît.” She walked

away. My colleague reminded me, “Maria, vous n’avez pas dit, ‘Bonjour, madame.’ Vous

n’avez pas dit, ‘Je voudrais.’ ” “Maria, you didn’t say, ‘Hello, madame.’ You didn’t say, ‘I

would like.’ ” The lady did not make my café au lait. I suddenly realized the importance of

formality when requesting assistance or service. By American standards the manner in which I

had placed my order would not have been considered inappropriate, “Hello, a coffee please.”

But in France, people come first. When interacting with another human being, more effort and

time is expected than just, “hi, give me this.” This interaction comprises more than just buying a

coffee. Respect and recognition of the person who will be serving you is essential before asking

for what you would like.

Little French children learn that the proper way to address adults is to say, “Bonjour,

madame” to a lady and “Bonjour, monsieur” to a gentleman. When addressing a group of ladies

it is appropriate to say, “Bonjour, mesdames” and “Bonjour, messieurs” to a group of gentlemen.

Never is it acceptable to say, “Bonjour, m’sieurs, dames” as an abbreviation (Rochefort 83-84).

When placing an order, it is customary to greet the server or shopkeeper appropriately

and to say thank you (merci) and goodbye (au revoir, madame or monsieur) when leaving.

When asking for assistance, it is polite to say, “Je voudrais…” “I would like…” Here you can

use your language skills to form a complete sentence. Je voudrais un café, s’il vous plaît. (I

would like a coffee, please.) Je voudrais voir ce chemisier, s’il vous plaît. (I would like to see

that blouse, please.)

My next visit to La Vague was pleasantly different. I greeted the same lady, “Bonjour,

Madame,” without hesitation. “Je voudrais un café, s’il vous plaît.” She served me

immediately.

Say the Magic Words

Interactions among people in France are full of codes, virtually invisible and unknown to

the foreigner. “Foreigners who know the codes, however, immediately shed most of their

foreignness” (Platt 31). When it is necessary to approach a French stranger for information or

directions, the following sentence is the first step in communicating your need for assistance:

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“Excusez-moi de vous déranger, monsieur (or madame), mais j’ai un problème” or, “Excuse me

for disturbing you, Sir (or Madam), but I have a problem” (Platt 33). This humble request should

have earned you the person’s attention. Now you can continue to explain your need in French.

In most cases, visitors will need directions. For example, “Où est l’Arc de Triomphe?” “Where

is the Arc de Triomphe?” “Où est la pharmacie?” “Where is the pharmacy?”

By asking for directions you have begun an exchange relationship with this person. You

have chosen this person because by observation you have found him or her reliable, and the

French person will generally take your request seriously. If the person does not know the answer

to the question, he or she will very likely recruit the help of a third party rather than leave the

inquiring person to fend for himself. In this case, it is polite to wait for a final response and not

to leave before receiving one (Carroll 117). Once an answer is received, it is expected that the

inquirer follow the directions, or risk having the French person prolong the encounter to correct

any error. If the inquirer goes straight rather than in the direction given, the French person may

follow and indicate the correct path (Carroll 118).

In America people say “I don’t know” when they don’t know the answer to an inquiry.

In France it is shameful to admit ignorance on a subject (Nadeau 66). Thus, the phrase “I don’t

know” is not often heard in general conversation. “I don’t know” in response to an inquiry could

be interpreted as the person’s refusal to participate in the exchange unless followed by some

reasonable excuse such as, “I’m not from the area” (Carroll 117).

“The obligation to play a role in this system of exchange can go so far as to push certain

people to give information even if they are not qualified to do so, thus signifying that it is more

important to answer (and thus to accept the relationship proposed) than to answer correctly”

(Carroll 118). If wrong information is given, socially the fault falls upon the person who gave

the directions, not upon the inquirer. This explains why the excuse, “they gave me the wrong

information,” is heard often and is quite valid when explaining why a mistake was made (Carroll

118). Incorrect information may be given if no third party is available to consult at the time. In

this case follow the directions given until the person who gave the wrong information is out of

sight, and then seek someone else to ask.

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Non (No)

Sometimes, to get what you need, persuasion is in order. Traditionally in the United

States the customer is always right, and Americans expect courteous service. In France the rule

in stores may as well be, “the customer is always wrong.” Being nice to people you don’t know

is not the rule. The French store clerk may show indifference to your request, or the hotel

receptionist may abruptly respond, “Non, there are no rooms available,” before you even

complete your inquiry. This is not the time to take this answer at face value as Americans do,

because non often has underlying meanings, such as, “I’m tired and can’t think right now”

(Taylor 40). This is another form of exchange that has rules. Remember, you are asking the

assistance of another human being, so try to relate personally. The way to react is to explain

your dilemma. It may take some time, but don’t be afraid to assertively defend yourself verbally.

This means calmly explaining your needs in a persistent manner. You have to persuade them to

give you a room. French people enjoy being entertained. If possible, make your story amusing.

“But you see, we missed our train and can’t leave until tomorrow.” Always remember politesse,

and be careful not to begin a serious verbal confrontation. The French will not hesitate to argue

with you. Stay within the limits of your language skills or risk losing your room for the night!

Ordinary exchanges may require persuasion. To change my dollars to euro, I had to go to

the post office in downtown Pau and present my passport and student identification card. Each

time money was exchanged, the post office deducted five euro as an exchange fee. I exchanged

the maximum allowance each time which was $300. The first and second time, the teller was a

young man in his twenties who made the exchange without any questions. The third time, the

teller was a man in his thirties. He told me that they would only change $200. I was slightly

startled, but without showing my annoyance replied, “Mais, la dernière fois…” “But last

time…” Before I could finish the sentence, the gentleman took my $300 and made the exchange.

Knowing the rules regarding money exchange and the rules of the “person-to-person exchange

game” is an asset when your knowledge of French codes is tested.

Non-Verbal Communication Errors

When language skills are at a beginner’s or basic level, people sometimes tend to rely on

body language in order to communicate. However, non-verbal communication, like language,

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derives its meaning from its culture and may lead to further misunderstanding. Visitors to a

foreign country should be informed of body language that is inappropriate or interpreted

differently in the new culture.

Non-verbal communication, as small as the gesture may be, can lead to confusing

circumstances. The way in which the French indicate numbers is different from the American

way. Americans generally indicate the quantity “one” by holding up the index finger. Two is

the index finger and middle finger. Three is the index, middle, and ring finger, and four adds the

pinky finger to the previous three. The thumb is only used with the other four fingers to indicate

five. In a shop in France, an American may confuse the shopkeeper when indicating how many

of an item he wants, if relying solely on body language, because, “When counting, the French

normally begin with the thumb, then the index finger, etc. For instance, the thumb, index, and

middle fingers are held up to indicate the number three, as a child might indicate when asked

his/her age” (Oates 3). If indicating that you would like to purchase two of something, use the

thumb and index finger, not the peace sign.

The OK sign is to be avoided. Although some now use it to mean “alright,” its original

French meaning is “zero” or “worthless” (Taylor 64). To agree with someone, you can say,

“Bon” or “d’accord.”

The smile is another non-verbal expression that can, also, cause misunderstandings.

Americans love to smile. They smile at their family, friends, pets, and even (this is a shocker for

the French) complete strangers. For Americans, smiling shows that we are pleasant people.

Smiling is an essential non-verbal form of communication in American societies,

expressing more than Americans themselves may realize. For Americans, a smile indicates a

person’s intent or his state of mind. For example, Americans smile upon making a new

acquaintance to convey that they are friendly, congenial, and willing to communicate. In this

instance the smile is an acknowledgement of the person you are meeting. The exception occurs

in large cities in the United States where native city dwellers will avoid eye contact and smiling

to avoid beginning a conversation with strangers (Tischler 110).

In another scenario, an American is taking a walk and happens to make eye contact with

a person sitting on the front porch of his home. The passer-by smiles briefly, immediately turns

his head and continues on his way. In this instance, the smile indicates that the person doesn’t

mean any harm and is going about his business (Platt 25).

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For Americans abroad in France, smiling is not always the appropriate way to respond in

particular situations. While the French public face may be interpreted as unpleasant and overly

serious by Americans, the French interpret the American smile to be insincere and superficial.

Americans frequently smile at everyone. The French need a reason to smile, making a smile

from a French national something to be earned.

The key is in knowing when to refrain from smiling. The French do not smile at

strangers on the street, or on the bus, or simply because their eyes happen to meet someone

else’s. Wandering around the streets of Paris, grinning at everyone passing by, will cause the

French to wonder at your aptitude of intelligence or even question your mental health.

For strangers to smile at each other in Paris, there has to be some kind of incident

involving them both, and not just stumbling into someone’s stare. Smiles usually come if

you bump into each other by mistake, and they come instantly if you’re both caught in

the same pickle (two cyclists pedaling down a one-way street the wrong way, suddenly

confronted with advancing policemen), or if he rescued you from one…that is, if you

weren’t smiling beatifically to begin with. You have to be in sync, deadpan, as you

navigate through Paris streets, if you want to play this game, and Parisians are playing

games all day – but only with other deadpans. The key is that the face changes. If you

were smiling to begin with, where is the fun? Where is the recognition of complicity?

(Platt 25)

Contrary to American norms, the French do not smile when meeting someone for the first time,

or even the fourth and fifth times. Polly Platt’s French son-in-law explains their reasoning,

“When I am introduced to another man, if he smiles, then I think to myself he is one of three

things: he is making fun of me, he is hypocritical or he’s very stupid….If it’s a woman I’m

meeting for the first time and she smiles at me, there’s a fourth possibility – she wants to flirt.”

Cautionary note: French men don’t hide their stares when they see a woman they find

attractive. American women are usually uncomfortable with this sort of attention. Unwanted

advances can be warded off by keeping a serious face and going about your business. Women

should not smile at strange men on the street or greet them first. This can be interpreted as

soliciting, depending on the locale.

Almost ironically, not smiling can produce a smile. I received a number of smiles from

French strangers unexpectedly. On one occasion, my fellow study abroad students and I were

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walking in the public garden in Pau, France. I saw a small brown lizard near a pool of water and

wanted his picture, but he was camera shy and ran away from me. He threw himself into the

pool of water and escaped my camera. I looked up to see a young woman sitting on a bench

nearby and smiling, nearly ready to laugh at my fuss over not getting the photo. In a culture

where smiles are coveted, Americans soon come to appreciate a smile when it is given.

Privacy

The French way of interacting with strangers is often perceived by Americans as being

unfriendly (froid, inamical) and mistrustful (méfiant). This general attitude should not be taken

personally. It is simply a part of the French way of being, and is not without reason. Some

theories suggest that the many invasions of French soil throughout history have profoundly

influenced French suspicion of foreigners as well as other French people unknown to them.

Ferocious things have been happening to French people since they first started living in

the six-sided geographical shape that French first-graders learn to call the Hexagon.

Ruthless strangers invaded their earliest ancestors, the Celts, from all sides, starting with

Julius Caesar. After about 300 years of Roman occupation, savage barbarians from the

East began hundreds of years of burning, pillaging and raping. The Goths, Visigoths,

Franks, Burgundians and most terrifying of all, the Huns, came in wave after wave,

followed in the 8th and 9th centuries by the fearsome Vikings from the North. The

Hexagon didn’t fare much better from the English in the 14th century: The Hundred Years

War meant nothing less than another century of raping, pillaging, burning. Three

German invasions in 70 years, between 1870 and 1940, did not help to make the French

foreigner-friendly. (Platt 30-31)

For the French, strangers must first prove themselves trustworthy (Rochefort 45). Polly

Platt almost jokingly stresses “stranger (étranger) means danger (danger).” Ironically, the words

rhyme, both in French and English. Her French son-in-law explains, “That person is a stranger

until you know him. One must be on one’s guard with strangers” (27).

These attitudes parallel the French concept of privacy. As the French guard their smiles,

they are also very reserved with strangers and very open with family and close friends, who are

treated as if they were family members. These are the people with whom they share their

concerns, problems, emotions, and sorrows. If you do not fall into that category, a French person

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will not likely share any personal information, perhaps not even his or her first name, which for

Americans is the first item of information that is shared when making an acquaintance. You may

actually spend a good deal of time with a French person and still never learn his name (Asselin

33).

Americans will introduce themselves and begin conversation with the person sitting next

to them on a bus or plane, sometimes discussing rather personal topics such as family problems.

The French are hesitant to begin conversations with those they do not know since conversation

commits them to another person. When two French friends meet on the street, and the first

friend is with companions unknown to the second friend, the first may not formally introduce his

other friends to the second friend. “Preserving one’s intimate circle and privacy is at the core of

French culture” (Asselin 57).

French attitudes concerning privacy can be understood by observing a French house.

French homes are situated in close proximity to one another. Many have tall locked gates in the

front, clearly protecting the house from the street. The windows have shutters which are used to

assert the fact that the home is private and not for public audiences (Carroll 13-14).

Misunderstandings can occur when American guests are invited to a French home. In the

United States hosts generally give their guests a tour of the house on a first visit. This courtesy is

intended to make the guests feel welcome and to save them the embarrassment of asking the

location of the bathroom.

The French do not give house tours and, without understanding the intended meaning,

interpret this American custom as “showing off” (Carroll 14). Guests are expected to remain in

the room where the host and hostess will be entertaining. Usually this will be the dining room or

living room. Wandering freely around the house is not permitted. If the hostess leaves to check

something in the kitchen or another room, don’t follow (Carroll 14).

At informal parties in the United States, Americans will take the initiative to help their

host by offering to assist and by helping themselves. As a guest in a French home, this type of

behavior is intrusive. Raymonde Carroll explains:

Dick and Jill are invited to dinner at Pierre and Jeanne’s. The conversation becomes

lively during cocktails. Pierre speaks enthusiastically about a book he thinks would

interest Dick a great deal. He has it in fact, and goes to look for it in his study. He is

taken aback, as he heads toward the room, when he realizes that Dick is following him.

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Jeanne goes to the kitchen to check if something is burning. She is just as taken aback

when she sees Jill walk in right behind her. Jill offers to help. “No, no thank you,

everything is ready…” Or at the end of the meal, Jill gets up to clear the table and carries

the dishes into the kitchen, or else Dick offers to do the dishes. Pierre and Jeanne protest;

if they are unfamiliar with American habits, they might very well consider Jill and Dick

to be “intrusive” or “inconsiderate,” or they might be “ashamed” that Dick or Jill has seen

the rooms “in a terrible mess.” (“But what could I do? I wasn’t expecting him to follow

me all over the house, I didn’t know how to stop him.”) In fact, it would have sufficed to

say “I’ll be back in a minute” for Dick not to have gotten up, for him not to have felt

obliged to accompany Pierre because Pierre was going out of his way for him. (14)

French hosts expect to serve their guests. If the American guest needs a second hand towel, he

should ask rather than looking through the French host’s cabinets. If the American guest would

like to help, he should first offer to help (knowing that the host may refuse) before automatically

clearing the table or hurrying into the kitchen to do the dishes. The guest’s main purpose is to

provide interesting conversation!

Modulate Your Voice

As in the home, the French try to maintain their privacy in public. Causing a scene and

drawing attention to oneself through the display of inappropriate behavior is an unacceptable

infringement on the privacy of others and will label you as mal élevé (poorly raised).

Leaving the shopping center in Pau one Saturday afternoon, a little girl approximately

three or four years of age was crying loudly and clinging to her mother. An American parent

would probably tell the child to be quiet. Perhaps the parent would even raise his voice. Her

French father said in a firm, reprimanding voice, but not shouting, “Listen to all that noise you

are making!” In stating his reprimand, the father was making the child aware that she was acting

inappropriately by drawing attention to herself and that others could hear her cries from some

distance and were being disturbed by them. Most shops are closed on Saturday afternoon. The

only other people outside the entrance to the shopping center were my friend and I. Even so, the

father had to correct his child’s inappropriate behavior which would not be regarded kindly by

passersby.

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Conversations between people in public are private. In restaurants, the ideal is to speak

in a tone of voice which only your conversation partner can hear. Diners whose voices can be

heard at other tables will be judged harshly (Taylor 5). An example of the acceptable volume of

speech in a restaurant can be seen in the internationally renowned French film Amélie. The

scene takes place in Mme Suzanne’s café, Les deux moulins. Mme Suzanne is speaking casually

with two of the customers about a topic she read in the news. Her voice is about one level above

a whisper.

Table Manners

While on the subject of restaurants, there are some differences regarding table manners

that should be noted when dining in a French restaurant. First and foremost, if you need the

server’s attention, say, “S’il vous plait.” Do not call the waiter “garçon.” The proper place to

rest your hands is on the table, not on your lap according to Anglo Saxon custom. This signifies

that you are going to take place in dinner conversation. Don’t eat anything with your hands, not

even pizza. The French cut their pizza and fruit into pieces and eat it with a knife and fork. Use

your knife and fork to fold large salad leaves. Do not cut them. As delicious as the sauce from

your meal may be, don’t clean the plate with bread, even if the bread is on a fork. Remember to

drink in moderation. Public drunkenness is frowned upon (Rochefort 85-86).

Physical Proximity

During the first week of studies in Pau, I joined a group of fifteen United Studies Abroad

Consortium (USAC) students for dinner. This didn’t seem unusual until we saw the size of the

restaurants. Everything in France is sized down. Restaurants, apartments, and sidewalks will

seem cramped to an American who is accustomed to plenty of personal space. The restaurants

were comparable to the size of an American diner. The chairs and tables were small and place

settings appeared to accommodate a maximum of four people. None could support a party of

fifteen average sized, lively, friendly, talkative, young Americans. Realizing that we couldn’t

possibly dine together at the same restaurant, we formed groups of five or six, which were still

rather large groups, and went to different restaurants within the same block. We learned to adapt

for the rest of our stay in France. Think small and economical.

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It may appear that close physical proximity to strangers can present a dilemma when

trying to maintain one’s privacy in public. Because of the size of shops, cafés, sidewalks, and

the popularity of public transportation, namely, the metro system, French people often find

themselves physically close to strangers…too close for American comfort.

Americans define their relationships with other people by the amount of space there is

between them. In general, the less space there is between individuals, the closer their

relationship. For the American, silence could be interpreted as suggestive when in situations

that force him or her to be in close proximity with a stranger. If the American is unable to move

away from the stranger, putting physical space between them which displays that there is no

personal relationship between them, the American may resort to beginning non-committal

conversation to affirm the distance (Carroll 32).

For the French, conversation defines relationships. The closer the relationship with

someone, the more you will talk since conversing is an affirmation of the ties you share. Silence

between people is what creates distance, not necessarily physical space (Carroll 32). The Paris

metro during rush hour presents a somewhat comical scene to American observers. Everyone is

packed like sardines for painstaking minutes at a time between stops. Someone bumps you,

challenging the limits of the one quarter inch or less of precious space you still have to yourself,

and either ignores that it ever happened or says dryly, “Pardon.” People don’t make an issue of

minor accidental physical contact. Everyone looks unbreakably serious, and if it weren’t for the

noise made by the subway, you could hear a pin drop.

French attitudes regarding space are reflected in the way the French maneuver their

vehicles. When in France, I was shocked to observe a person parallel parking and nearly touch

the front bumper of the car behind him with the back bumper of his car. It seemed there was

hardly a millimeter of space between the two vehicles.

Making Conversation – It’s an Art

Conversation, more than a method of transmitting and receiving information, is highly

regarded as a form of art. If there is one aspect of French culture that baffles Americans most, it

is probably conversation. The French have become masters of rhetoric, defined by Webster as

the art of speaking or writing effectively. French students are expected to meet high standards in

this area of study. In 12th grade, students study philosophy, challenging their minds to reason

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and analyze (Nadeau 62). René Descartes (1596-1650) was a French philosopher and

mathematician who developed Cartesianism, a method the French use to analyze problems. The

focus is mostly on the analysis. “The method requires a person to think in a rational way….The

Cartesian method also requires that all elements of a problem and its solution be thoroughly

mapped out before any action is taken. Intellectual mastery of the situation is what matters”

(Asselin 147-148). The Cartesian method trains many French conversationalists who often

leave Americans speechless.

American businessmen who take part in French meetings often perceive that the French

overanalyze. Nothing is ever accomplished in meetings, and questions never really get

answered. The French are actually practicing what they have been taught since grade school.

Analyze until the perfect answer or solution is found, then act. The same analysis takes place in

conversation. Direct answers to questions are not always the result when Cartesian logic is a

factor.

The French tend to communicate in a way that can seem indirect to Americans. Harriet

Welty Rochefort gives an example:

Your neighbor’s radio is driving you nuts and you want to do something about it. As an

American, I would go to the person and say, “Could you please turn your radio down?”

A French person with manners would phrase it differently. “Have you moved your

radio? I never used to hear it before.” The person, if he or she is French, will get the

hint. (73)

Be careful not to confuse this tactic with saying the opposite of what you mean. Find a creative,

non-condescending way to say what you want.

The main purpose of conversation is entertainment. This tradition goes back to the court

at Versailles where, if you had wit, you had a place at court. Conversation is a game, an

exchange, an opportunity to show your mastery of rhetoric, a chance to tell an original joke,

recite poetry, but never to let the conversation become boring. Carroll compares it to tossing a

ball. Long, detailed responses are for very serious conversations which would hardly be

considered appropriate at a party where the group actively participates in the conversation.

Interruptions, which are extremely rude in American conversations, occur constantly and serve

as a way to keep the conversation interesting, or the ball moving (36). No insults are intended,

as is understood by those who know the rules of the game.

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The French style of speech may sound very poetical to foreign ears, resembling written

language. People use metaphors to explain their points and aim at saying something clever or

creative. René Clément directed five year old Brigitte Fossey in a film called Jeux Interdits

(Forbidden Games). Fifteen years later at age twenty, Fossey decided to return to the world of

acting. In an interview which aired December 1967 for the French TV program “Magazine de la

jeune fille” the interviewer asked Clément, “Usually it takes years for a young actress to make a

name for herself. Don’t you think you’ve helped Brigitte Fossey by making her famous with

your film?” Brigitte spontaneously responded, “He certainly did. It’s obvious.” Clément said to

her, “If I helped you in any way, it was as if I gave you a key for the future, and that’s all. I hope

I did.” Later on, the interviewer asked, “Brigitte, do you feel you owe your choice of profession

to René Clément?” Here there was a slight pause. Clément and the interviewer were waiting

intently for her answer. Finally she said, “I owe him my gratitude for giving me this key, now

that I’ve chosen this profession. But if I hadn’t chosen to return to it, it would simply be another

lost key.” Clément nodded. He was clearly satisfied with this answer. Her response referred to

Clément’s earlier statement about the key. Her answer was an indirect compliment to Clément.

By choosing to continue her acting career as an adult, Brigitte Fossey did not waste the

experience she gained working under the direction of René Clément on Jeux Interdits.

French conversations may appear to become heated and violent to Americans who

generally like to maintain a sense of agreement and peace in their conversations. However, the

French want to hear differing opinions. Vive la différence! This keeps conversation interesting

(Asselin 18). Even differing opinions between couples are not considered signs of an impending

end to their relationship. In fact, people may think something to be wrong with a couple who

appears to be in perfect agreement (Carroll 64).

For the sake of avoiding further misunderstanding, it is important to realize that certain

topics of conversation are taboo. Names, as was mentioned previously, are considered private

information among new acquaintances. Questions about an acquaintance’s occupation, age, and

salary are intrusive, even at a casual party (Taylor 172). Freely talk about art, technology,

philosophy, politics, the education system, vacations and anything that could prompt analysis

and present differing views. Show that you have knowledge about current world affairs, and

don’t be afraid to defend your point of view. That’s part of the game.

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When you receive a compliment from a French person, you can be assured that they truly

mean it. Don’t respond by saying simply, “merci.” In the United States we are taught to say,

“thank you,” out of respect for the person who gave the compliment. In France, “merci” could

be interpreted as a smug response, “Yes, thank you, I agree” (Taylor 76). A more appropriate

response, if a French person should perhaps compliment your French, would be, “That is very

kind of you. I’m happy you think so.” “Vous êtes très gentil/gentille. Je suis content(e) que

vous pensiez.” This response shows that you appreciate and value their opinion.

After a relaxing weekend spent on a beautiful beach in the lovely quaint town of St. Jean

de Luz, situated in the Aquitaine region of France near the Spanish border, our group of five

University Studies Abroad Consortium students were returning to Pau. The train had a

connection in Bayonne allowing us only six minutes to rush from one train to the next. We stood

on the platform waiting for our connection to Pau to appear, but it did not take long for us to

realize that we had undoubtedly missed it. The only appropriate thing to do was to explain the

situation to the ticket master at the station in Bayonne. He looked at our tickets, and seeing that

our connection to Pau had left before we had arrived, gave us new tickets for the next train to

Pau. No questions asked. We couldn’t have been more pleased.

On our return train to Pau, the conductor asked to see our tickets. I handed him the

tickets for our group. As he checked the tickets the conductor asked, “De quel pays venez-

vous?” “From what country are you?” I answered, “Les Etats Unis.” “The United States.”

“Oh,” he continued, “Je ne les aime pas.” “I don’t like them.” His demeanor seemed to be

serious with an element of jest. His opinion definitely appeared offensive. Unsure how to

respond, I said nothing. He returned our tickets and said in a more sincere tone, “Bienvenue en

France.” “Welcome to France.”

This particular conversation summarized the relationship that has existed between

citizens of the French and American cultures since the foundation of the United States. Members

of each country constantly deny that they like the other. Each criticizes the other for its rudeness

and arrogance. In reality, each has an almost unexplainable fascination with the other. French

children and young adults want to learn about the American way of life (Sarkozy 194).

Americans pack their bags and move to France. “The American Chamber of Commerce in

Herbert Hoover’s time, in 1927, figured in some way not fully explained that there were 15,000

Americans living in Paris. Perhaps, it was pointed out, they were only counting people doing

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business in Paris, not artists. The police said there were 35,000 Americans residing in Paris in

1927” (Longstreet 377). In July of 1999 according to a list compiled by the Bureau of Consular

Affairs, there were 75,000 Americans living in Paris, not including United States government

military and nonmilitary employees and their dependents.

I wondered, “How much of his comment was sarcasm? Was the conductor simply jesting

about an age-old stereotype regarding French and Americans attitudes toward one another?”

Most Americans would probably interpret his comment as translated literally, “I don’t

like the United States.” However, true meaning of the conductor’s comments can only be

understood and interpreted within the context of the French culture. I now realize that his

remark about not liking my country was a challenge in search of some entertaining response. An

appropriate reply might have been, “Well, I knew that when I got on the plane, but I was

hungry.”

The Past and the Present

Benjamin Franklin’s knowledge and command of language, demonstrated in Poor

Richard’s Almanac, gave him an advantage as Commissioner appointed by the Continental

Congress to the Court of France (Longstreet 23). Being well-traveled for his time, Franklin was

the ideal candidate for this position. His job was to form an alliance with France in the

American Revolution against England. France was also on the verge of a revolution. Franklin

became a hero for the common people who were starving and becoming increasingly angry with

the royal family. Benjamin Franklin was a figure of liberty, and paupers cheered him as he

passed in the street. Intellectuals admired his intelligence (27).

The representation of Benjamin Franklin began an alliance between France and the

United States which has lasted since the foundation of the United States. The current President

of France, Nicholas Sarkozy, mentions that France and the United States of America have never

been to war against one another (193). As the French are deeply connected to their past, M. le

Président remembers this strong alliance:

I stand by France’s friendship with the United States, I’m proud of it, and I have

no intention of apologizing for feeling an affinity with the greatest democracy in the

world….

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France and America are bound together by unbreakable historical links. People

often forget that the Revolutionary War, which led to the creation of the United States,

was long and difficult and that its outcome was uncertain for some time. But France was

right there at America’s side for the decisive battle of Yorktown in 1781, and it was a

young Frenchman, Lafayette, who led the final attack on the English camp….

In the twentieth century, it was America’s turn to protect France’s freedom on

several occasions. In 1917 and again in 1944 hundreds of thousands of young Americans

crossed the Atlantic to pull Europe back from the verge of collective suicide. The French

cannot forget that it was the Americans who liberated them from Nazi barbarity and who

put an end to the bloodletting that this regime inflicted on the whole of Europe….the

Americans have been, are, and will remain our friends and allies. (193-195)

As a proponent of improved relations between the people of America and the people of

France, my hope is that through understanding basic differences in these two cultures our

comprehension of one another will extend from the personal to the international level. Through

improved understanding of social norms and cultural customs, stereotyping will no longer inhibit

the Americans and the French from cooperating and interacting respectfully, ultimately working

together as we have historically. If we learn how to work together effectively, we will be able to

appreciate the best qualities of each other, learn from them, and improve ourselves. Denial of

our own culture is not the goal, but respect and understanding of social differences that make a

nation beautiful can enrich our appreciation of diverse global communities.

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Works Cited

Amélie. Dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Perf. Audrey Tautou. Miramax Zoë Films, Claude Ossard, and

UGC, 2001.

Asselin, Gilles, and Ruth Mastron. Au Contraire! Figuring Out the French. Yarmouth, ME:

Intercultural Press, Inc., 2001.

Carroll, Raymonde. Cultural Misunderstandings: The French-American Experience. Trans.

Carol Volk. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 1988.

Fromkin, Victoria, Robert Rodman, and Nina Hyams. An Introduction to Language. 8th edition.

Boston, MA: Thomson Wadsworth, 2007.

JeuxIinterdits. Dir. René Clément. Brigitte Fossey and Georges Poujouly. Studio Canal, 1952.

Longstreet, Stephen. We All Went to Paris: Americans in the City of Light 1776-1971. New

York: Barnes & Noble Books, 2004.

Nadeau, Jean-Benoît, and Julie Barlow. Sixty Million Frenchmen Can’t Be Wrong: (Why We

Love France, But Not the French). Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, Inc., 2003.

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Houghton Mifflin Company, 2006.

Overseas Digest: The Adventure of Living and Working Abroad. “Private American Citizens

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Platt, Polly. French or Foe? Getting the most out of Visiting, Living and Working in France.

Updated and Expanded 3rd ed. London: Culture Crossings, 2003.

Rochefort, Harriet Welty. French Toast: An American in Paris Celebrates the Maddening

Mysteries of The French. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1999.

Sarkozy, Nicholas. Testimony: France, Europe, and the World in the Twenty-first Century.

Trans. Philip H. Gordon. New York: HarperPerennial, 2007.

Taylor, Sally Adamson. CULTURESHOCK! A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette:

FRANCE. Portland, OR: Marshall Cavendish Editions, 2005.

Tischler, Henry L. Introduction to Sociology. 8th edition. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth,

2004.