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ScoreJunior Script

by Malcolm Sircom

ISBN: 978 1 84237 066 71/210212

Published by

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Dramatis Personae MALE Total 11 VINCENT LEONARD, manager of the English team [United]* MAURICE, his coach. Signor ARTURO PEDRO, manager of the Italian team [Pagliacci] BENEDICK, his striker, in his last season CLAUDIO, his brilliant Brazilian midfielder. DON JOHN, wicked brother of Pedro BORACHIO, midfielder displaced by Claudio, in cahoots with Don John. DAMIEN PECKHAM [Pecks], intellectually challenged English football star. DOGBERRY, world-famous lead singer of the Country’n’Western group

Dogberry and the Swamphounds VIRGIL, Dogberry’s sidekick in the group REFEREE [Narrator 1] * NB Throughout the show “United” may be substituted for a local League Football club [with the notes of the songs changed accordingly] FEMALE Total 8 HERO, Leonard’s daughter, in love with Claudio. BEATRICE, Leonard’s niece, in a Love/Hate relationship with Benedick. ANTONIA, Leonard’s sister. VIRGINIA PECKHAM [Pop star Swish, and wife of Damien] MARGARET) URSULA ) friends of Hero CONCHITA, daughter of Don John GOPHER ANNIE, with the Swamphounds MALE OR FEMALE Total 5 REFEREE’S ASSISTANT 1 [Narrator 2] REFEREE’S ASSISTANT 2 [Narrator 3] TV SPORTS INTERVIEWER. CHIPMUNK, with the Swamphounds PARSON CHORUS Footballers, fans, cheer leaders, line dancers.

© Musicline Publications Ltd

List of Scenes and Musical Numbers

ACT ONE Prologue The Football Stadium 1 Score! Chorus 2 Reprise: Score! Chorus Scene 1 The Board Room 3 The Love Bug Beatrice, Hero, + Leonard, Maurice & Chorus 4 Happy The Way I Am Benedick + Pedro, Claudio & Chorus Scene 2 The Football Stadium 5 Bitter And Twisted Don John + Conchita & Chorus 6 Mini Reprise: Bitter And Twisted Don John & Chorus Scene 3 The Party 7 Everybody Gotta Dance Dogberry + Swamphounds & Chorus 8 Dancing Star Beatrice 9 Reprise: Everybody Gotta Dance Dogberry + All Scene 4 A Rose Arbour 10 Someone Like Me Beatrice, Benedick, + Hero, Claudio & Chorus Scene 5 The Football Stadium 11 The Brazilian Samba Claudio & Company 12 Optional Play –Out: The Brazilian Samba


List of Scenes and Musical Numbers [continued]

ACT TWO (Optional) Scene 1 The Football Stadium 13 Reprise: The Brazilian Samba [NB Only if played in 2 Acts The Company Scene 2 The Balcony of Hero’s Flat Scene 3 The Wedding Chapel 14 Your Hallowed Goal Dogberry & Company 15 Another You Hero + Some Principals & Chorus 16 Love/Hate Relationship Beatrice, Benedick & Chorus 17 Mini Reprise: Love/Hate Relationship Chorus Scene 4 The Board Room 18 Reprise: Another You Claudio & Chorus Scene 5 The Hotel Lounge Scene 6 The Wedding Chapel 19 Much Ado About Nothing The Company Optional Post-Curtain Reprise: 20 Everybody Gotta Dance Dogberry & The Company NB All these scenes should not be “formal”, i.e. cloths and elaborate settings, but should be represented simply, as in Shakespeare’s time, by the odd prop – if that. The action should flow continuously, on the same set. This is assisted by each scene being introduced by one of the Cheer Leaders carrying a placard stating the change of location.


List of Props

ACT ONE Prologue Referee’s whistle (Also in other scenes where he appears) Hand-held microphone [TV Interviewer] (Also in other Stadium scenes where he appears) Scene 3 Western Outlaw masks for the men Prop or real guitar for Dogberry Prop or real fiddle for Virgil Prop or real bass guitar for Chipmunk Washboard [and drum brushes] for Gopher Annie ACT TWO Scene 3 Book and notes [Parson] Scene 4 Sling [Borachio] And THROUGHOUT The change-of-scene placards [The Cheer Leaders]


ACT ONE

PROLOGUE THE FOOTBALL STADIUM (OPTIONAL VOICE OVER, if your local League team is languishing in the depths:) VOICE: There was a time when [LOCAL LEAGUE TEAM] were a great

team. That time will come again. This is a tale of one of those times…

Song 1: SCORE! (NB During this song, and throughout the show, the team is referred to as “United”. This can be changed, if wished to a “local” name. The rhythm of “United” in the song can be changed according to the name used. During the 16-bar introduction the Football Fans, if not already in place, arrive.) Fans: [6 handclaps] [SHOUT] United! United!

[6 handclaps] [SHOUT] United! United

[Refrain 1] [SING] Up! Up! United! You’re simply the best. Up! Up! United! You’re way above the rest. Whether at home, or on some foreign shore, Up! Up! United! And score!

(The Cheer Leaders [Pom-Pom Girls] enter, doing their routine, then:-) Cheer-Leaders: [SHOUT] Two, four, six, eight. Who’s the team that’s really great? Ra! Ra! Ra! United! All: [SHOUT] Yeah! [SING] Soon from the tunnel they’ll appear. When they do, give them a cheer! (The Football Team appears in their playing kit. [If you could get your own football team – or part of it – to appear at this point, it would be most effective!] They disco-strut on, in the style of the “Full Monty” lads – but without the stripping!) Footballers: [Refrain 2] Well, you can score on the pitch, And score off it too When your female fans Come pitchin’ in for you. Yes, the money is great, But fame means so much more, So take aim, shoot, and score!


(The Fans and Cheer-Leaders sing Refrain 1, whilst the Footballers sing Refrain 2 at the same time. The song finished with the last line of the Refrains repeated. All shout “Score!”

[END OF SONG])

(Enter the TV INTERVIEWER) (NB Throughout the script from now on, an asterisk* next to “United” means the local name can be substituted.) I/Viewer: This is John [Jane] Charlton from [local or national TV Station]

coming to you from [local Football Stadium] at the end of United’s* pre-season friendly with crack Italian team Pagliacci, which resulted in a two-all draw, a result which I’m sure pleased both sides. I’m hoping to have a few words with both managers – yes, here they are, acknowledging the cheers of the crowd.

(Enter VINCENT LEONARD, manager of United*, and Signor ARTURO PEDRO, manager of Pagliacci.) I/viewer: First, Mr Vincent Leonard, manager of United*. Mr Leonard, talk

us through the game. Leonard: It was a game of two halves. I/viewer: I couldn’t have put it better myself. Now let’s hear the views of

Signor Arturo Pedro, manager of Pagliacci. Pedro: [Heavy Italian accent mixed with occasional English football

phrase] Suprendo molto loco finale shots off target, bienvenuto trappatori aqua lingus con definitely off-side.

I/viewer: Which just goes to prove why Signor Pedro is a world-rated manager. Mr. Leonard, tell us about the novel arrangement between yourself and Signor Pedro.

Leonard: Ah, yes – we take it in turns to visit each other for pre-season training. As you know, they came to us three years ago, last year we went to Italy, and now they’re back with us. It certainly improves standards in both sides.

I/viewer: And Signor, what are your thoughts about your new signing, Claudio from Brazil?

Pedro: Grandissimo maximus alicante voraccio the lad done well. Leonard: Wish we could afford him. I/viewer: Gentlemen, thank you. I’ll let you get back to the players. This is

John [Jane] Charlton signing off from [local Stadium].


(INTERVIEWER exits one way, the Managers the other, to the cheers of the crowd.)

Song 2: Score! Play-Off (The Fans and Cheer-Leaders sing Refrain 1, whilst the Footballers sing Refrain 2 at the same time, with the Footballers and Cheer Leaders exiting.)

[END OF SONG]

END OF PROLOGUE

(One of the Cheer-Leaders returns with a placard reading “THE BOARD ROOM”, and exits.)


SCENE ONE THE BOARD ROOM (Enter LEONARD, singing “Here we go, here we go, here we go…”)

Leonard: Where’s my coach? [calls out] Maurice! Maurice! (Enter MAURICE the coach)

Maurice: Here, gaffer. Leonard: Any injuries? Maurice: None to speak of. Our goalie has a strained larynx. Leonard: How did he do that? Maurice: Wolf-whistling at your daughter and niece.

(Enter HERO, Leonard’s daughter, and BEATRICE, his niece.) Leonard: Talk of the devil. Beatrice: Well, uncle, how is he? Leonard: Who are you talking about, Beatrice? Hero: Who do you think? My cousin means…[with heavy irony]

Benedick, the Italians’ striker. Leonard: He’s as pleasant as ever. Maurice: I think he’s put on some weight. Leonard: But still a good footballer. Hero: In his last season, I believe. Beatrice: A hot shot who’s shot his last bolt! With the team and with me. Hero: Don’t take her too seriously, father. Leonard: She first met Benedick three years ago. They had a fling, and

then he dumped her. Maurice: And now there’s a kind of merry war between them. Always some

skirmish of wit. Beatrice: Wit? He hasn’t the wit to put up an umbrella when it’s raining. I

wish he’d finished with the game last year, then I wouldn’t have to see his ugly face again.

Hero: You can tell they were an item once. Beatrice: He’s as fickle with his friends as he is with women. Who is his

companion now? Every month he has a new bosom buddy. Leonard: Most of the time he’s with Claudio, their new signing. How do you

rate the Brazilian, Maurice? Maurice: Another Pele. [Pronounced PELLAY] Leonard: Agreed. And you, Hero, you’ve seen him play. What do you think

of him? Hero: Gorgeous! Can’t wait to meet him.


Beatrice: O Lord, Benedick will hang upon him like a disease. Poor Claudio! If he’s caught the Benedick bug, he’ll never be cured.

Hero: Like yourself, cousin? Beatrice: Oh, I was cured long ago.

Song 3: THE LOVE BUG Beatrice: Well, I’ve been bitten by the Love Bug, and I’m cured. Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Hero: Well, I’ve not been bitten yet, guess I’m not insured! Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Beatrice: When the Love Bug bites, you’re gonna need some protection. Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Hero: Then how come everyone wants to catch the infection? Beatrice: Don’t get bitten by it, Chorus: Oh, no! Hero: What if I’m smitten by it? Chorus: Wo! wo! Beatrice: It’s a painful disease. Hero: Yes, please! All: Bitten by the Love Bug! Leonard: Oo-be-doo, be-doo-be-doo-be-doo-be-doo. Maurice: Bop, shoo-wa, sha-la,la,la,la,la,la,la.. Leonard: When I was young I had the Love Bug. Where did it go? Chorus: Blame it on the Love Bug! Maurice: And I was a real hot guy, but now my fire burns low. Chorus: Shame about the Love Bug! Beatrice & Hero: Got no appetite, you just get thinner and thinner. Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Leonard & Maurice: If we were given the choice, we’d rather have a hot dinner! Beatrice & Hero: Love Bug’s so contagious. Chorus: Watch out! Leonard & Maurice: Hasn’t applied for ages! Chorus: Wash out!! Beatrice & Hero: It’ll catch up with you. Leonard & Maurice: We’re through. Through with all that All: Love Bug! Leonard & Maurice: Oo-be-doo- be-doo-be-doo-be. Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Beatrice & Hero: Bitten by the Love Bug! Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Leonard & Maurice: Wo - o - o! Chorus: Bitten by the Love Bug! Beatrice & Hero: Sooner or later you’ll be All: Bitten by the Love Bug! [END OF SONG]

(Enter PEDRO, with BENEDICK and CLAUDIO)


Pedro: Ah, Leonato… Leonard: You never get it right, do you, Pedro? It’s Leonard. Vincent

Leonard. Pedro: Si, si. But Leonato is so much more civilized, so…Latin! Leonard: But, Pedro, you speak perfect English – better than most of my

players. Why that charade at the stadium? Pedro: I like to indulge in mind-games with the media. You, I cannot

outfox; but the Press, radio, television – it’s best to keep them guessing. Ah, Beatrice, carissima, is good to see you again.

Beatrice: You, too, signor. Pedro: And who is this young lady? Surely, Leonato, it cannot be your

bambino Hero? Why, three years ago she was plain and gawky. Claudio: My Eenglish not so good. What mean plain and gawky? Benedick: Ugly. Claudio: Ugly? Impossibile!. Now my mamma, she ugly. She have

moustache. But this signorina – no, she beautiful. Pedro: Ah, forgive my manners. Allow me to introduce Claudio, our new

signing from Brazil. [Claudio bows] Benedick, of course, you already know.

Beatrice: Yes, and I wish I didn’t! Benedick: The feeling’s mutual. Leonard: Now, then you two, behave. Come on, everyone, there are

refreshments in the next room. Beatrice: I’ll join you presently. Benedick: I’ll stay, too. I helped myself before I came in. Pedro: Let’s hope there are some left.

[Exeunt all except Benedick and Beatrice] Benedick: Well, madam, do you still hate me? Beatrice: As much as any girl would who gets to know you. Benedick: That’s not true. For I am loved by all ladies, except you; and I

wish I were not so hard-hearted, for truly I love none. Beatrice: A true happiness to women. I thank God and my cold blood, that I

feel the same. For I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

Benedick: Pray God keep you still in that mind, so some poor fellow can escape a scratched face.

Beatrice: Scratching couldn’t make the face worse, if it were like yours. Benedick: You always have to have the last word, don’t you? Beatrice: Doesn’t every woman? [She exits]


Benedick: Now you see why I prefer the company of men. And here comes my latest companion, Claudio. I hope he is never foolish enough to fall in love.

(Enter CLAUDIO) Claudio: Benedick, I’m in love. Benedick: O Lord! It didn’t take you long to pick up the virus. Who is she? Claudio: Did you not notice Signor Leonato’s daughter? Benedick: She is a fair lady, without doubt. But if her cousin Beatrice didn’t

have such a fiery nature, she would be an even fairer lady. But I hope you have no intention of turning husband, have you?

Claudio: It would please me more than my exquisite free-kick against Real Madrid, if Hero were to be my wife.

Benedick: So it’s come to this, has it? Go on, then, and sigh away every dull married Sunday.

(Enter PEDRO) Pedro: What’s kept you two from the food and drink? Benedick: Claudio and I have been talking. Sad to say, he has fallen in love,

with Hero, Leonato’s daughter. Pedro: Bravo! Your choice is excellente. Benedick, isn’t it time you

followed Claudio’s example? Benedick: Never. I’m too fond of women ever to marry one in particular.

Song 4: HAPPY THE WAY I AM Benedick: I’ll never marry. Nothing could make me do it. People who marry Inevitably rue it. I love the ladies, But my motto is love ‘em and leave ‘em. For as Shakespeare said in his “Measure For Measure” Marry in haste, and repent at leisure. Thank you, ma’am, But I’m happy the way I am!

[CHORUS “Ah”] Benedick: No bride will snare me. Pedro & Claudio: Don’t you bet on it. Benedick: I hold no brief for Cupid. Pedro & Claudio: You can’t better it. Benedick: Don’t try to dare me. Pedro & Claudio: When push comes to shove, Benedick: I’d never be so stupid. Pedro & Claudio: You’ll find your love. Benedick: I’ll kiss a lady,


Then I’ll kiss her good-bye for another. For as Shakespeare said in “All’s Well That Ends Well” Love may be great, but marriage is hell! Pedro & Claudio: But as Shakespeare said in his play “Much Ado” Benedick: Marriage is worse than a dose of the flu! Thank you, ma’am, But I’m happy the way I am! [END OF SONG] Benedick: Wine, women, song, and football! That’s the life I love, and do you

think marriage can possibly top that? Think on it, Claudio. [Exits] Claudio: Were he not my amigo, I would think him arrogant and stupid. Pedro: Were I not his manager, I would think the same. Claudio: Signor, perhaps you help me. You know my Eenglish no good.

How do you woo Eenglish girls? They are so – how do you say – laid on their backs.

Pedro: You mean laid back. You’re serious about Hero, then? Claudio: She is the light of my life. Pedro: I think I have the solution. Their star player and his wife are laying

on a grand party for us tonight. Claudio: You mean Signor and Signora Peckham? Pedro: Better known as Swish and Pecks. Their party theme will be

Outlaws and Saloon Girls, which means the men will wear masks. That is your chance to be a bold Brazilian suitor, without revealing your identity. The girl will fall instantly in love with you, if she hasn’t already.

Claudio: Signor Pedro, you manage affairs of the heart as well as you manage football.

Pedro: It’s the two things we Italians are expert at. Let’s go. [THEY EXIT]

(Enter LEONARD and ANTONIA, his sister.) Leonard: Well, now, Antonia. I hear my nephew has booked the band for

Swish and Peck’s do. Antonia: All in hand, brother. He’s hired a group called Dogberry and the

Swamphounds. Leonard: Are they any good? Antonia: Only the top Country’n’Western band. Cajun, Bluegrass,

Rockabilly, the lot. But listen, Leonard, I’ve heard some gossip you might be interested in.

Leonard: Gossip? Men don’t gossip. Antonia: Pull the other one. I just happened to have a glass pressed to this

wall, and through it I heard that Claudio is in love with Hero, and wishes to marry her.


Leonard: These Brazilians, is there no stopping them? They steal matches with their brilliance, and then they try to steal our women.

Antonia: I thought you might be pleased. Leonard: Oh, I am. In fact, I’ll whisper it to Hero, so she can be better

prepared for an answer, if this is true. Are you coming to the party?

Antonia: What, with all those handsome young men around? Try and stop me.

(They exit)

END OF SCENE ONE

(A CHEER-LEADER enters with a placard on which is written THE STADIUM, and exits).


SCENE TWO THE FOOTBALL STADIUM (Enter THE TV INTERVIEWER)

Interviewer: This is John [Jane] Charlton, coming to you from [local] Stadium I’m hoping to have a few words with United’s* star player and his lovely wife. Yes, I can see them making an appearance now – Damien and Virginia Peckham, better known as [big build-up] Swish and Pecks!

(Enter DAMIEN [PECKS] & VIRGINIA [SWISH]) (THE CHORUS [FOOTBALL CROWD] cheers wildly as the two approach the INTERVIEWER. Pecks claps the crowd as footballers do their supporters. ) Interviewer: Damien…Damien… [[He waves to silence the crowd. The

noise stops] Damien, we’ve all just seen you score with one of your special free-kicks. Did you practice it in training?

Pecks: Er –no –actcherly, John [Jane]. I practiced at home. I mean, it’s more homely, like, at home, innit?

Interviewer: I supposed you used a football in your back garden? Swish: ‘Ere, wotcha mean, back garden. It’s a park, innit, forty acres,

know what I mean? Interviewer: And I understand you’re throwing a big Outlaws and Saloon Girls

party at your Hertfordshire mansion tonight. I know all the United* and Italian teams will be there. Any other celebrities from the world of football?

Pecks: Yeh. There’ll be a special Red Card corner for all the blokes wot’s been sent off. That’s going to be packed. There’ll be the manager we call The Swede, and the manager we call The Turnip. And Sir Alex’ll be there, of course – and his hair-dryer.

Interviewer: Virginia, you were with the Herb Girls. Any pop stars going to be there?

Swish: Plenty. Elton, though I don’t know if he’ll get his costume frough the door. And Britney…though I don’t know if she’ll get her head frough the door. Oh, and farsands of uvvers.

Interviewer: I know you’ve invited a top band, Virginia. Are you going to sing yourself?

Pecks: Only when we want everyone to leave. [Swish glares at him, and gives him dig in the ribs]

Interviewer: Well, thank you both for sparing the time to talk to us. Enjoy the party. This is John [Jane] Charlton signing off from [local Stadium].

(Swish, Pecks & TV INTERVIEWER exit.)


(Enter DON JOHN, the surly, miserable brother of Pedro, together with CONCHITA, his daughter. Don John can be dressed Mafia style, dark suit, dark hat with white hatband.) John: So this is where the English play: A miserable pitch, a miserable

stadium, and miserable weather. Conchita: It suits -a- your mood, father. John: Conchita, you know me, and you know there is no remedy you

can apply. I, Don John, cannot help what I am. I hate everyone who is superior to me, and despise anyone who isn’t. Fools make me crotchety and the rest make me sour.

Conchita: In other words, you’re just a pain in the necktie. John: And have I not cause? Conchita: Is true Uncle Pedro become manager when you had your eyes on

the position, but has he not treated you fairly, and taken you onto his staff?

John: Assistant scout! Not even chief scout! Is it any wonder I’m a crabby old grouch?

Song 5: BITTER AND TWISTED John: [VERSE] Most people aim for happiness in life. Conchita: [Spoken] I guess. John: [Sung] Security, a home that’s warm, a wife. Conchita: [Spoken] Yes, yes. John: [Sung] But I’m not a subscriber to that view, No, siree! So listen while I tell you of my new Philosophy.

[REFRAIN deliberately in the style of a Love Ballad!] Bitter and twisted, that’s how I feel. I can’t resist it, it’s my ideal. Despised and hated I love to be, For bitter and twisted – that’s me!

(The CHORUS softly “Ah” the Refrain as Conchita & John speak over:-) Conchita: Is your own fault, Papa. You spoke out against Claudio, who is

now the most valuable player in the world, yet recommended some Columbian who can’t even get into Hartlepool’s first team! If I were you, I would be grateful that your brother still holds you in friendship.

John If his friendship were a beautiful rose, I would rather be the black fly that kills it. So let me be what I am, and don’t try to alter me.

John: [Sings] Bit-ter…and… (The music goes into a Rumba rhythm, with Conchita dancing around him.)


Twisted, that’s how I feel. [The Chorus interjects “Aah”s] I can’t resist it, it’s my ideal. Despised and hated I love to be, [The Chorus : “He loves to be”] For bitter and twisted – [Big, slow finish] that’s me!

[END OF SONG] (Enter BORACHIO , a midfielder that Claudio has displaced in the team.)

John: Ah, Borachio, my spy in the camp. What news? Borachio: None good. It concerns Claudio. Why should he have all the luck? John: You hate Claudio for displacing you in the team – I hate him for

making a mockery of my judgment. What fortune befalls him? Perhaps we can turn it into misfortune.

Borachio: He has amorous designs on Signor Leonato’s daughter. Conchita: I, too hear the rumour – and that he plans to woo her tonight at

the Peckhams’ party. John: Well, well. If Claudio’s up to something, so I am. Let us go to this

frivolous nonsense. Conchita: I go anyway. But, you Papa – you not a party animal. John: I hate parties almost as much as I hate the people you meet

there. But this may yet prove food to my displeasure. That young upstart Claudio is responsible for my humiliation. If I can get back at him any way, I shall bless myself every way. Are you two with me?

Conchita: I’m your daughter. I could only refuse if you failed to increase my allowance.

Borachio: And a nice fat bonus will secure my services. John: Perhaps it’s just as well I have vast private funds. If I were to rely

on the salary of an assistant scout alone, I might not find loyalty so easily come by.

Conchita: Ooh, we are bitter and twisted, aren’t we? John Yes – it’s my favourite occupation… Song 6: Reprise – BITTER AND TWISTED John: Bitter and twisted – Chorus: Bitter and twisted – John: That’s me! Chorus: Is he! [END OF SONG]

(They exit) END OF SCENE TWO

(A CHEER-LEADER enters with a placard on which is written THE PARTY, and exits.)


SCENE 3 THE PARTY (All the participants in this scene – except DOGBERRY and THE SWAMPHOUNDS, the band – are dressed as Outlaws and Saloon Girls. For ease of costume change into and out of the scene, the men need only wear outlaw masks [obligatory for the plotting] and Western hats over their normal clothes, and the women head-dresses and feather boas, etc., over their normal clothes. [The women do not wear masks]) (Enter LEONARD, ANTONIA, HERO and BEATRICE. Leonard carries his mask.) Leonard: Was not Don John here at supper? Antonia: I didn’t see him. Beatrice: How sour he looks. I never can see him without getting heartburn

an hour afterwards. Leonard: You’ll never get a husband, niece, with a tongue as waspish as

yours. Beatrice: A husband? I thank the Lord on my knees every morning for not

sending me one. Hero: Then, cousin, you will die an old maid. Beatrice: Then will I die happy. And when I meet St.Peter, he’ll show me to

where the bachelors sit, and there we’ll live as merry as the day is long.

Antonia: The revellers are entering, brother. Mask up. (LEONARD puts his mask on as the masked PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BORACHIO, MAURICE, PECKS and DON JOHN enter. The ladies who enter are HERO, BEATRICE, SWISH, MARGARET and URSULA [friends of Hero], and CONCHITA.. Also a group of girls [DANCERS, who will lead the forthcoming Line Dance]) Claudio: [To Hero] Sweet lady, I am hopeless for you. Pedro: [To Benedick] I think he means “hopelessly in love” Hero: No one should be hopeless. Claudio: Ah, you make me happy as a sandbag. Benedick & Pedro: Sandboy! Claudio: I like dance with you. You like? Hero: I like. [They step aside] Pedro: Now it’s my turn. [To Antonia] Lady, will you dance with your

friend? Antonia: Gladly. But what friend are you? Pedro: One who is young and handsome. Antonia: One who professes to be so young should have more thatch on

his roof. [They step aside]


Borachio: [To Margaret] Fair lady, I would know your name. Margaret: It is Margaret. But I know yours. Is it not Borachio? Borachio: Borachio? Who is this Borachio? Margaret: An Italian midfielder, who now sits on the bench. Borachio: Be my partner, Signorina, and I teach you how we dance in

Roma. Margaret: As long as that’s all you teach me. I know what you Latins are

like. [They step aside] Maurice: [To Ursula] How about you, missus? Looking for a partner? Ursula: I know you well enough: you are Maurice, the coach. Maurice: No, no, Ursula, you mistake me. Ursula: Then how come I saw you doing press-ups a while back? Maurice: To get myself fit for the dancing. It could be vigorous. Are you

game? Ursula: Who could resist such a romantic invitation? [They step aside] Beatrice: [To Benedick] That leaves you and me – whoever you are. Benedick: I will tell you later. Beatrice: Just as long as you’re not that frightful Benedick. Benedick: Who’s he? Beatrice: I am sure you know him well enough. A fool and a dullard, who

was once was a gifted footballer, but has grown fat and unfit. Benedick: [Taken aback] Fool! Dullard! Fat! Beatrice: He thinks he is a great wit, but he has the brain cells of a flea. Benedick: When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say. Beatrice: Do, do. He’ll try a joke or two on me in return, and if no-one

laughs at it, he’ll go into a sulk. But the musicians approach. Shall we join the others?

(Enter DOGBERRY AND THE SWAMPHOUNDS. Dogberry has a guitar [real or prop] strapped on. His No 1 sidekick is VIRGIL, who has a country fiddle [real or prop] CHIPMUNK [male or female] is on tea-chest bass, or bass guitar. GOPHER ANNIE is on washboard [with drum brushes]. ) Pecks: Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce our

band for this evening – Dogberry and the Swamphounds. [All cheer & applaud]


Dogberry: Why, thank y’all, and howdy, folks. Ah’m Dogberry, and these critters are ma Swamphounds. There’s Virgil, playin’ catgut. [Virgil bows] Chipmunk on bass. [Chipmunk bows] An’ Gopher Annie on washboard. [Gopher Annie bows] We none of us bin in li’l ol’ England before, and ain’t never seen a game of sawccer. The only sport we get back home in the mountains is racoon-wrastlin’ an’ snake-catchin’. My host and yours has promised to take us to a game, and he says we’re in for a right treat. And so are all you folks, for ah intend to set the party rollin’ with some hot Country music. So let’s get ready for some real sassy line dancing. Take your positions now, d’you hear… [The dancers, etc., line up]…and let’s go!

Song 7: EVERYBODY GOTTA DANCE

Dogberry: The day was hot and dusty, the troops were on parade, Waitin’ in line for a top brass monkey, With his hat all splattered with braid. The temperature was thirty, they were hot and dirty, And they sure could use a Coke. They were doggone tired, but were truly inspired By the words the General spoke. He said… “Everybody gotta dance, now, Everybody gotta dance. If you feel depressed and blue, Best thing you can do is to dance. Everybody gotta dance!”

INSTRUMENTAL SECTION Dogberry & Swamphounds: Everybody gotta dance, now, Everybody gotta dance. Dogberry: If you feel depressed and blue, Best thing you can do is to dance. Everybody gotta dance! + Swamphounds: Everybody gotta dance. All: Everybody gotta dance. [END OF SONG] Leonard: Well, then, Hero I see you’ve taken a fancy to Claudio. Hero: Didn’t I say he was gorgeous? And, father, he proposed to me –

and I accepted. (LEONARD, PEDRO & BENEDICK, WHO ARE CLOSE TO HER, CONGRATULATE HER.) Pedro: But, Benedick, Beatrice has a quarrel with you: the fellow that

danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.


score - musicline score... · song 1: score! (nb during this song, and throughout the show, the...

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