script hann

7/28/2019 Script Hann

1/32

"Eat Me Up Buttercup" -- A HANNAH MONTANA SPEC SCRIPT

by

B BRENTON

Hannah Montana property of Disney and Its a LaughProductions.

WGA REGISTERED

(e-mail for details)[email protected]


2/32

TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM -- DAY

MILEY, OLIVER and LILLY are on the couch watching thetelevision. ROBBIE RAY sits at the counter with his mouthfull of beef.

OLIVERIm bored.

MILEYWell change the channel.

OLIVERNo, you change it.

MILEYNo, you change it.

OLIVERLilly?

Lilly yawns.

LILLYNah, Im not bored enough to getup.

JACKSON comes flying down the stairs and flings himself infront of the television, flipping through the stations.

MILEYHey! We were watching that!

He stops it on a news channel.

TELEVISION REPORTERThere have been recent reports of aformer Tennessee cattle ranch ownerwho has gone around the bend on ananimal activist rampage. Freeingall the bovines on surroundingcattle farms.

On the screen it shows cows running across streets, throughtraffic and a smaller cow walking across a beam at aconstruction site.

(CONTINUED)


3/32

CONTINUED: (2) 2.

JACKSONWoo-ee! Look at that little onego!

TELEVISION REPORTERThe cattle have been causing a

menace all over the town. But thefreedom one prizewinning cow inparticular named Buttercup -winning the most bodacious bovinetitle the last two years running -has been the most controversialcausing shock-waves all over thecattle community.

OLIVERThe cattle have their owncommunity?

Robbie Ray swallows his mouthful.

ROBBIE RAYId hate to say it but that is onebeauty of a doe-eyed creature.

LILLYAlmost makes you want to drop thatsteak youre eating right out ofyour mouth, doesnt it Mr Stewart?

ROBBIE RAYNow, now... You didnt hear me say

the word "un-delicious".

OLIVERIm serious. How do those cattleorganize their own community? Dothey have their own boards andcouncils and meetings?

LILLYWhat else have they got to do allday besides eat grass?

MILEYWell, no one could guess that youtwo have never set foot on a farmbefore.

TELEVISION REPORTERThe culprit in question a MsDarlene Stewart has been detainedby the police but still wont

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


4/32

CONTINUED: (3) 3.

TELEVISION REPORTER (contd)breathe a word about whereButtercup is.

MILEYThat couldnt be great aunt Darlene

could it?

The doorbell rings and Robbie Ray gets up to answerit. There is a FED EX guy at the door.

FED EX GUYSign here please.

Robbie Ray signs and MEN come in carrying a huge crate.

Jackson and Robbie Ray help them set it down in the middleof the living room and then Jackson runs to get a crow barfrom underneath the kitchen sink.

Everyone stands and watches as the men leave and Jackson andRobbie Ray pry open the giant crate together.

The sides of the crate fall down taking up half the livingroom. Inside the crate is a big, fat COW.

ROBBIE RAY(to Miley)

Uh, yeah bud. I think it could.

END TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:


Miley is pacing as she reads a letter that came inside thecrate.

MILEYOh look at this! Great auntDarlene says that shed ratherButtercup here get away withfreedom rather than her. Who knewthat she could be so...

(CONTINUED)


5/32

CONTINUED: (2) 4.

LILLYInsane?

OLIVERCow crazy?

JACKSONTwo cows short of a... uhhh...herd?

ROBBIE RAYIve gotta go with the consensusand say shes finally bought thefarm.

Miley glares at all of them.

MILEYCompassionate. She really cares

about these cows daddy.

She comes and wraps a hand around her fathers arm and looksup at him with a pouty expression.

MILEY (contd)We have to keep her.

Robbie Ray looks between his daughters pleading eyes andthe cows large, blank looking ones.

ROBBIE RAYOh, comon on now! How am I

suppose to resist two doe-eyedbeauties in my living room?

Miley stands on her tiptoes and kisses her father on thecheek.

MILEYThanks daddy!

ROBBIE RAYHow come whenever "no" isnt thefirst word out of my mouth I get a"thanks daddy"?

JACKSONCause youre just a plain olsucker for a few bats of theeyelashes and a soft sugar sweet"daddy".

(CONTINUED)


6/32

CONTINUED: (3) 5.

He bats his eyelashes and comes up to Robbie Ray clutchinghis arm the same way Miley had done and putting on hisgirlie voice.

JACKSON (contd)Daddy! Id really, really like itif you let me have whatever I

want. Pwetty pwetty please? Idont want a cow anymore, I want ahorse! Or maybe I could even get adinosaur! And my daddy would getit for me because hes the bestdaddy in the world andshucks! Well, Im just the biggest"daddys little girl" there is!

Robbie Ray shrugs him off.

ROBBIE-RAYJackson, dont push it.

Oliver leans over and whispers to Jackson.

OLIVERI think it only works for daddyslittle girls.

LILLYCome on Miley. I know shes prettyand all. I mean, shes pretty mucha bovine Hannah Montana! - But whatare you going to do with a cow?

MILEYIm going to keep it of course!

ROBBIE RAYShe means what are you going tofeed it and where youre gonna keepit, bud. Dont ya Lilly?

LILLYNo. I meant what is she going todo with it? Cows are boring. Allits done so far is sit there andeat. Kind of like Oliver actually.

Jackson goes and rubs the cows stomach.

JACKSONYes. Fatten yourself up, mypretty. Get nice and round andjuicy.

(CONTINUED)


7/32

CONTINUED: (4) 6.

MILEYShes going to stay in my room ofcourse.

ROBBIE RAYAnd what is she going to eat?

MILEYTheres plenty of free grazing inJacksons room. I mean, have youseen it lately? Buttercup couldspend a week licking the moss offthe walls and thered still beenough greenery to keep her goingfor another year!

ROBBIE RAYIm serious, Miles.

MILEYSo am I. We can do this dad. Wecan give this poor, innocent,defenseless creature anotherchance.

Miley goes down to hug the cow and stops when she seesJackson underneath it. She grabs his hands and removes themfrom its belly.

MILEY (contd)And get your grubby hands off mymoo-cow.

Jackson reacts in false shock.

JACKSONThis cow belongs to the entirefamily and I say we eat him!

OLIVERHear hear!

MILEYFirst of all, its a HER and secondof all great aunt Darlene did notgo and let herself almost getarrested so we could eat the cowshe tried to save! And third ofall...

(she turns to Oliver)You arent even part of thisfamily, boy. Now scoot!

(CONTINUED)


8/32

CONTINUED: (5) 7.

ROBBIE RAYMiley, this cow is still afugitive.

JACKSONA very tasty fugitive.

OLIVERHear, hear!

Miley grabs Oliver by his shirt and thrusts him outside. Hesticks his face against the glass salivating at the cow -looking between it and Robbie Rays steak on the counter asif the cow would spontaneously become steak fillets.

ROBBIE RAYA tasty fugitive, but still afugitive. We can only keep heruntil I make sure this is all

straightened out with AuntDarlene. Then she goes to theauthorities.

Miley engulfs her father in another hug.

MILEYThank you daddy!

ROBBIE-RAYAnd shes not to stayinside. Theres a perfectly goodplace to put her and that very

distinctive smell of hers...

Lilly holds her nose.

LILLYI thought that was just Jackson.

JACKSON(to Robbie Ray)

So, right next to the neighborslawn?

He ruffles Jacksons hair.

ROBBIE-RAYThats my boy.


9/32

8.

EXT. RICOS SHACK -- AFTERNOON

Rico stands dramatically out the front of his shack with atop hat on, scooping cones of ice-cream out of a large vat.

RICO

Presenting the newest in ice-creamflavoring. Rico-cream!

JACKSONIf it isnt bad enough we have tolook at you, we have to taste younow too?

RICOContaining Costa Rican Chocolate,coconut, sour cream, crunchy peanutbutter and just a dash of theessence of Rico!

Jackson comes up behind him and smells the ice-cream andthen licks it tentatively.

JACKSONWho are you planning on sellingthis to? People without tastebuds? People who need to get thetaste of sea water out of theirmouth after going windsurfing?

Across from Ricos theres a sign up for "Sorentos WindsurfRentals" and a big, European-looking teen: SORENTO is

holding a BOY up by his ankles.

BOYIm sorry! But I cant affordwindsurfing lessons.

SORENTOSurrender to Sorrrrrento!

He rolls the rs in his name.

JACKSONNow Rico, do you have something totell me? Maybe something aboutmass cloning your evil little selfand taking over the beach.

RICOYeah, Ive got something tosay. That jerk is acting like hesthe only jerk on this beach.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


10/32

CONTINUED: (2) 9.

RICO (contd)I mean, look at that patsy -

bullying people into buying hisproducts and/or services. Who doeshe think he is?

JACKSONSorrrrrrrrrrrento?

RICOWell maybe Rrrrrrrrrrrrico shouldshow him a few things about being areal jerk.

Jackson is still licking the ice-cream. He screws up hisnose in distaste.

JACKSONThis jerk flavored ice-cream tastes

like it was sprayed with cologne.

RICOThats just the natural essence ofRrrrico. It keeps the ladiesflocking.

JACKSONWell, the ladies look like theyreflocking over there to your jerkcompetition.

Rico looks over and Sorento drops the boy on his head as he

is surrounded by LADIES feeling his muscles and wanting tohear his accent.

RICOThats it!

He strides purposefully over to Sorento and taps him on theshoulder. Sorento looks down to him.

RICO (contd)This beach isnt big enough for twojerks, jerk!

Sorento nods in agreement and takes him up by the ankle,spinning around and throwing him across the beach like adiscus. Rico YELLS back to him as he goes flying.

RICO (contd)This. Isnt. Over!


11/32

10.

INT. MILEYS BEDROOM -- NIGHT

Lilly is putting finishing touches of lipstick around thecows mouth as Miley reads a pamphlet and they sit on thefloor of her room with the cow in the center of it.

LILLYThis is so much better than doingit to Oliver.

MILEYLooks better too!

Her expression snaps suddenly.

MILEY (contd)I mean...

She grabs the lipstick from Lillys hand.

MILEY (contd)How dare you do that to my preciouslittle Buttercup! Have you noshame?

LILLYPrecious? Little? Buttercup?!!

MILEY(to the cow)

Dont listen to her,Buttercup. Youre as little as you

can be for someone who spends tenhours a day eating.

LILLYMiley, you do know that youregoing to have to give Buttercup upwhen your great aunt Darlene iscleared?

Miley isnt listening to her. Shes reading from herpamphlet again.

MILEYListen to this! Apparently mostcows dont even know what ishappening before theyre led to theplace of you know what.

Miley covers her mouth away from the cow as she says "youknow what". Lilly shakes her head.

(CONTINUED)


12/32

CONTINUED: (2) 11.

LILLYMiley! Its a cow!

Miley SHRIEKS and covers the ears of the cow desperately.

MILEY

Dont talk like that Lilly! Youllgive her self-esteem issues!

LILLYUh Miley? Insanity isnt a familytrait or anything, is it?

MILEYLilly. Im going to do everythingI can to make sure great auntDarlenes wishes dont goignored. Us Stewart women have hadto put up with too much ignoring

where the real issues are involved.

LILLYWhat real issues?

MILEYLike when my daddy said Hannah wastoo young to advertise those cutelittle swimsuits with theretractable top.

Lilly lifts her top up to her midriff like shes doing anadvertisement for them. Putting it back down when she

mentions the "full length swimsuit."

LILLYSkimpy bikini. Full lengthswimsuit. Skimpy bikini. Fulllength swimsuit.

Miley imitates her. Pulling her shirt up and then back downagain, up and then back down again.

MILEYPool party. Daddy coming out toserve us drinks. Poolparty. Daddy coming out to serveus drinks.

LILLYYeah but remember what your dadsaid about it?

FLASHBACK:


13/32

12.


Robbie Ray is sitting on the couch, with the foldout of amagazine opened in his hands. Miley is standing beside himwith a pleading look on her face.

ROBBIE RAYMiles, the closest thing youll begetting to a retractable top iswhen youre sitting in the back ofmy brand new mustang convertiblewhen Im driving it.

MILEYBut daddy!

Robbie Ray turns the foldout on its side, admiring it.

ROBBIE RAY

Great shades of Uncle Earl I lovethat car.

Miley rolls her eyes.

BACK TO:

INT. MILEYS BEDROOM -- NIGHT

MILEYWell, this is one thing that Hannahis going to take a stand for!

LILLYShould I ask how?

Miley takes out her Hannah cellphone and dials.

MILEYYes this is Hannah Montana and Idlike to organize one of thosecelebrity fundraisers.

(a pause)You can? Great!

She beams.

FADE TO:


14/32


15/32

CONTINUED: (2) 14.

OLIVERIm thinking the left one.

Jackson comes and feels them too.

JACKSON

But the right one might be juicer.

Robbie Ray comes in the door. He stops in his tracks whenhe sees Oliver and Jackson feeling up the cow.

ROBBIE RAYYou two are up to something.

(calling out)Miley! Youd better get down hereand make sure Buttercup doesnt endup smothered in butter!

Miley comes running down the stairs brandishing a broom.

MILEYOn guard!

Oliver starts LAUGHING.

OLIVEROh no Jackson. Shes got a broom.

Miley jabs him with it, hard.

OLIVER (contd)Ye-owch! Did that broom have a

date with a nail file?

She jabs him a couple of more times and he SQUEALS like agirl and then goes running out the door. Jackson pointsoutside to where a tree stands in the distance and GASPSdramatically.

JACKSONLook Miles! A baby!

She doesnt look, instead poking him. Jackson bares hisfangs and pretends to cover himself with an imaginarycape.

JACKSON (contd)Youll never take me alive!

Miley pokes at him again. He YELPS and runs afterOliver. Miley goes over and kisses the cow on the top ofthe head.

(CONTINUED)


16/32

CONTINUED: (3) 15.

MILEYWhos a pretty little girl?

Robbie Ray smirks watching her display of affection for thecreature.

ROBBIE RAY

I am?

MILEYSorry dad. Didnt see you there.

ROBBIE RAYThats OK. She does have quite abigger presence in the room than Ido. Speaking of which, whatsButtercup doing inside?

Mileys eyes dart around and she puts on a big fake grin.

MILEYI was just... letting her drink outof the toilet?

ROBBIE RAYTheres plenty of good drinkingwater outside, in our Mr. Dontzigsvery beautiful, full lengthswimming pool.

MILEYOh.

ROBBIE RAYIve been in contact with yourgreat aunt Darlene. It seems thatas soon as theyre sure she wontbe charged with anything she wantsus to turn Buttercup in.

MILEYBut she likes it here!

ROBBIE RAYIm sorry, bud. But a Malibu Beach

House is really no place for a cow.

MILEYI know. Can I at least take her toa Hannah Montana animal rightsspeech?

Miley crosses her fingers behind her back - its alreadyorganized.

(CONTINUED)


17/32

CONTINUED: (4) 16.

ROBBIE RAYIf thats what makes you happy,then Im all for it.

MILEYThanks dad, and then I can

advertise for...

ROBBIE RAYThats still going to be a no.

MILEYSweet niblets.

ROBBIE RAYNice try though.

MILEYFine. Ill just go outside and sit

in your convertible then.

She pouts and goes outside, Robbie Ray goes toward the cowand places his hands on each side of her cheeks and COOS:

ROBBIE RAYWhos a pretty girl? Yes youare! Youre the prettiest littlecow in Malibu, arent you?

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO


Snapshots of Sorento as hes painting a sign keep ejectingof a Polaroid camera. Rico eyes the pictures narrowly andsticks them in the blender part of his industrial strengthice-cream maker. It WHIRS and blends together intoice-cream which Rico scoops onto a cone and hands toJackson.

RICOEat it!

JACKSONFree ice-cream for me? Whats thecatch? Is it flavored like youagain?

(CONTINUED)


18/32

CONTINUED: (2) 17.

RICONo. But Im sure it will bedelicious.

He smirks and throws his head back, readying himself for hisevil laugh.

RICO (contd)Mwahahahahahahahaha.

Jackson licks it and his face screws up with distaste.

JACKSONNever thought Id say this butweve found something that tastesworse than Rico-cream.

RICOInstead of cologne we have beach

sweat. The essence of Sorento.

Jackson starts gagging, falling on the floor with his facegoing red.

RICO (contd)Now its my turn to show thatbeautiful, bronzed, Europeandemi-god whos boss.

Jackson continues SPLUTTERING.

JACKSON

How?

RICOIm going to make him eatdirt. Well... the second bestthing. Plastic covered pictures ofhimself.

JACKSONWait one second. This was madewith photographs of Sorento?

RICOWhat else?

Jackson licks the sand frantically looking relieved at thegravelly pieces sticking to his tongue and then offers Ricothe rest of the ice-cream weakly, picking himself up off theground with one hand on the counter.

(CONTINUED)


19/32

CONTINUED: (3) 18.

JACKSONHere, he can have mine.

RICOThank you feeble employee. Remindme to taunt you later with hopes of

a raise.

Rico takes the ice-cream cone from his hand and walks up toSorento with it. He offers it to him and Sorento steps backfrom painting his sign.

RICO (contd)Here you go. Compliments ofRrrrrricos - on the house.

Rico smiles sweetly at him. Sorento opens the waistband ofRicos board shorts and drops the ice-cream down them.

Rico sticks a finger in his face warningly.

RICO (contd)This is not over! Not over, youhear me?!

He walks back to Jackson who is LAUGHING.


Jackson is on his stomach beside the couch, with a broomthat has its end sharpened as a spear and Oliver creeps

around beside him, NARRATING:

OLIVERThe hunter lies in wait for itsprey. Watching, waiting, for thetimid creature could run at anymoment.

Jackson throws the stick like a javelin from his position onthe floor. It doesnt even come close to hitting thecow. The cow MOOS.

JACKSONIts taunting us.

OLIVERI know.

JACKSONHand me another spear.

(CONTINUED)


20/32

CONTINUED: (2) 19.

Oliver looks around desperately then hands over one ofRobbie Rays prized guitars. Jackson contemplates hisactions and then raises it to hit the cow over the head withit. Oliver trips over his shoelaces and goes flying intoJackson and they both land on the ground with the cow andguitar unharmed.

They look up at it and it winks at them.

BUTTERCUPBaaaaaaaad hunters.

JACKSON(to Buttercup)

What did you say?

OLIVERI didnt say anything.

BUTTERCUP

You couldnt catch a cold.

Jackson gets up and goes to grab it.

JACKSON(to Buttercup)

Youd better say that again to myface!

Miley comes down the stairs and races in front of Buttercupto protect her.

MILEYIs nothing sacred anymore? Nounspoken bond between the fugitiveand those that are harboring her?

JACKSONIts a cow!

MILEYAnd how would you like it if I wasalways trying to eat you?

JACKSON

By all means if I taste good with ahint of rosemary be my guest.

MILEYI dont trust you two. Im stayinghere tonight. I can watch overButtercup just as long as I haveto.

(CONTINUED)


21/32

CONTINUED: (3) 20.

OLIVERYoull crack.

JACKSONAnd when you do...

OLIVERWell be waiting.

They make a dramatic exit, tripping over Robbie Rays guitaryet again and breaking several strings in the process thatTWANG loudly.

INT. LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Miley is tossing and turning as she sleeps on the couch.

Jackson and Oliver appear in front of her wearing leather

coats down to their ankles. Jackson is examining his watchand Oliver is wearing the jacket with pride.

JACKSONButtercup makes an awesomewristwatch band.

OLIVERForget the wristwatch! Look atthese cool coats.

JACKSONBut thats not even the best part!

Both of them rub their stomachs.

OLIVERIt was worth it for the taste.

JACKSONIn fact, were eating Buttercupright now.

OLIVERDont wake up Miley.

JACKSONYeah, dont wake up... more for us.

Forks appear in their hands and then Oliver and Jackson havea giant rib appearing on each of their forks. Miley looksdown at herself to see a large gap where her ribs shouldbe. She MOOS.

(CONTINUED)


22/32

CONTINUED: (2) 21.

MILEYNo! No! Dont eat me! Im nottasty!

Oliver and Jackson are squeezing barbecue sauce dramaticallyover the ribs and they chew them hungrily.

Miley opens her mouth but now the only sound that comes outis more MOOS. Oliver and Jackson bite into the ribsagain, LAUGHING at her with sauce going all over theirfaces.

JACKSONIts rib-licious!

OLIVERNo shes rib-licious. And by she Imean Miley. Mmmm... Miley.

JACKSON

Dont you think the sauce is alittle too much?

MILEYYah!

Miley wakes up and jumps out of bed but there is no one elsethere. She goes to the window and hears Buttercups MOOSoutside and smiles to herself.


Rico is pulling something dramatically out of his pocket.

RICOOh yes. I have got him this time.

He turns to Jackson who is paying him no attention.

RICO"Whats this?" you ask?

Jackson raises his eyebrows and resumes cleaning. Rico runsthe paper over his face.

RICOIts a permit that say that no newbusiness are allowed to be set upwithin a 50 foot radius of thisplace. Read it and weep.

Jackson starts dramatically WEEPING into his cleaning cloth.

(CONTINUED)


23/32

CONTINUED: (2) 22.

RICO (contd)OK. Stop weeping, its pathetic.

JACKSONThat guy could hurl you your whole50 foot radius, do you really think

hes going to care about somepermit?

RICOHe would hurl me, yes. But hesnot going to hurl the guy thatscome to tear his establishmentdown.

Rico puts on a false mustache.

JACKSONSince when has a windsurf rental

spot been considered anestablishment?

RICOSince Sorentos Windsurfing hasbeen stealing my ladies.

He points at Ricos mustache.

JACKSONAnd since when has that thingfooled anybody?

RICOIts realistic!Now if you excuse me, I have somebusiness to conduct.

Rico adjusts his mustache and walks right up to Sorento.

RICO (contd)By the order of the council I amstrongly suggesting you set up yourestablish somewhere else.

Sorento turns his head sideways to look at him and thenpicks him up by his ankles.

SORENTOSurrender to Sorrrrrento!

Ricos mustache falls off.

(CONTINUED)


24/32

CONTINUED: (3) 23.

RICOI own this beach. OWN it! This isnot over!

Sorento throws him again.


The house phone RINGS. Miley picks it up.

LILLY(voice disguised)

Please hold for prisoner51290. Transferring...transferring... transferring...

There are sounds of the phone INTERCHANGING HANDS on theother line.

JACKSON(voice disguised)

Hello? Well dear, is that mylittle Miley all grown up now?

MILEYGreat aunt Darlene?


Why of course it is, darlin. Welldont you sound just as sweet as

pie since when I last saw you! Itseems like youre old enough now toknow whats right with the world.

MILEYIm taking care of Buttercup, justlike you wanted me too.


Thats great, honey, justgreat. But thats what Im callingto talk to you about. I only hadone phone call, and I had to callyou because I didnt want you tothink that Buttercups freedommeans dressing him up pretty andletting him sleep in yourbedroom. Buttercups freedom justmeans not having to perform incompetitions any longer - because -

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


25/32

CONTINUED: (2) 24.

JACKSON (contd)boy howdy its hard work being themost bodacious bovine two yearsrunning!

MILEY

So you mean it too be a politicalstatement that beauty contests arereally cruel and unusualpunishments?


Not at all sweetie. I mean thatButtercup would be just as muchfree if somebody put her next to aside dish of fat free mayonnaise.

MILEY

Who would do a thing likethat? Shes a cow. Cows dontlike mayonn... Jackson? I knowthis is you.


Eep! Er, times up sugar. Justremember Buttercup might wantpeople to enjoy her tasty, tastyribs or other meaty offerings...

LILLY

(voice disguised)Disconnecting in 3, 2, 1...

Miley looks upward and then YELLS out.

MILEYJackson! Lilly! Get down here!

They come nonchalantly down the stairs.

JACKSONHey Miles. Ive gotta go toRicos.

He grabs his Ricos Surf Shop shirt slung over the back ofthe couch and runs out the door.

LILLYHey Miley, wheres your new BFFButtercup?

(CONTINUED)


26/32

CONTINUED: (3) 25.

MILEYI cant believe you Lilly. Ithought youd be the last person onthe side of eating Buttercup.

LILLYI still am Miley! But Im worried

about you. Were your friends andyet youre acting like Buttercup isyour baby. We just dont want tosee you get hurt.

MILEYJacksons not my friend.

Lilly gives her a pointed look and Miley SIGHS.

MILEY (contd)I know that. You cant stop mefrom getting hurt Lilly, believe

me.

Miley slumps.

MILEY (contd)But you can be there for me when Ido get hurt.

Lilly hugs her.

LILLYIll always be there for you. Butdo you think youll be ready togive up Buttercup?

MILEYIll turn her into the authoritiesmyself... but theres something Iwant to do first.

JUMP TO:

INT. ANIMAL RIGHTS FUNDRAISER -- NIGHT

LOLA and HANNAH in the television studio with Buttercup.

LOLAI cant believe youre doing this!

HANNAHHannah has to stand up for animalrights and show her that great auntDarlene wasnt entirely bonkers.

(CONTINUED)


27/32

CONTINUED: (2) 26.

LOLAWell, entirely is just matter ofopinion.

A TECHNICAL ASSISTANT comes by.

TECHNICAL ASSISTANTHannah youre on in one minute.

Hannah turns to Lola.

HANNAHHows my makeup?

LOLAUh, Hannah... its not your makeupwe have to worry about.

Hannah turns to see what she means. Buttercup is covered in

makeup like a clown-cow eating out of a wheelie tray of it.Hannah and Lola both rush over to try and turn the cows

head away from the makeup.

HANNAHI blame you! You gave her a tastefor it.

LOLAShe just wanted to look pretty likeany girl would.

Lolas eyes widen as she sees what Buttercup is eating next,

she sticks her hand in the cows mouth to extract it.

LOLA (contd)Bad Buttercup! Dont you know thisis the cheap stuff? Take thisstuff over here!

She steers Buttercup towards another tray of makeup.

HANNAHLola!

Lola grabs the end of Hannahs dress and starts to wipe offthe cows face with it. The cow takes her wig in her teeth.

Hannah keeps pulling at the cow around its neck. Stickingher foot on it and pulling it away from Lola.

TECHNICAL ASSISTANTAnd were live in five, four,three, two...

(CONTINUED)


28/32

CONTINUED: (3) 27.

The red light goes on. Hannah doesnt notice. Shes stilltrying to pry Lola free from Buttercup.

HANNAHYou stupid cow. You dont lookpretty, ya hear? I should have

just turned you into the police.

LOLAHannah!

HANNAHWere on arent we?

Hannah still has her limbs on the cow. She freezes. Thecow reaches up and starts to nibble on her wig too. Shegrabs it possessively still smiling bright for the camera.

HANNAH (contd)

(to Buttercup)Dont you dare!

(to camera)Uhhh... dontcha just love barnyardanimals?

She pets Buttercup on the head in an overcompensatingmanner.


Rico rubs his chin behind the counter.

RICO(to himself)

Thats it! Ive got him thistime. If this industrial strengthice-cream doesnt do the trick Idont know what will.

He starts to push a large vat out of the counter where alaunchpad sits next to it.

Jackson and Oliver are leaning over some plans at a table.

JACKSONOK. You come in from theleft. Ill unhook her and you grabher. That cow will never know whathit it.

(CONTINUED)


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CONTINUED: (2) 28.

OLIVERItll wish it never called us poorhunters.

Jackson and Oliver nod at each other. Rico is still movinghis vat of unsold ice-cream to the launchpad thats set in

Sorentos direction.

Sorento narrows his eyes at Rico and loads a paint can intothe sail of one of his windsurfers.

Rico keeps pushing and the giant vat is finally on thelaunchpad. He wipes his brow and looks to Sorento.

Sorento is staring at him, waiting for an indication tofire. They stare for a brief period of time.

OLIVER (contd)Im going to go get a windsurf from

Sorento. Have you tried ityet? Its wika-wika-wicked.

JACKSONNope. Ive got to go back and tryto sell off the essence of Rico ina cone.

They wave to each other and walk in oppositedirections. One over to Ricos launchpad and one over toSorentos windsurf rentals. Their movement causes Rico toflinch and Rico and Sorento both fire at the same time.

Their torpedoes sail through the air and Jackson and Oliverboth step in the path of them. Oliver mouths a scream asthe ice-cream vat lands on him in slow motion. Jackson putshis hands up to cover himself, also in seemingly slowmotion, as he gets doused in paint.

Rico and Sorento have their mouths open wide in shock butthen Rico starts LAUGHING loudly. Soon it is joined by theloud European LAUGHTER of Sorento.

Jackson and Oliver look mortified as everyone surroundingthem slowly starts LAUGHING too.

Rico walks over to Sorento and Sorento pats him on the backas they continue to LAUGH together.

OLIVERSomehow I feel that out theresomewhere Buttercup is laughing atus too.

(CONTINUED)


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CONTINUED: (3) 29.

Jackson wipes the paint away from his eyes and glares atOliver.

END ACT TWO

TAG

EXT. OUTSIDE PORCH -- AFTERNOON

Buttercup, Jackson and Oliver and being hosed down by RobbieRay. The ice-cream coating is washed away easily and Oliversmells himself.

OLIVEREwww. I cant get the essence ofRico off of me.

JACKSON

At least the essence of Rico melts!

Miley carts a POLICEMAN out the back.

POLICEMANHi. Im here to pick up Buttercup?

MILEYTake her. Im done with her.

The POLICEMAN takes Buttercup by the reins and steers heraway.

ROBBIE RAYSo I guess Hannahs attempts atanimal rights are all over with?

MILEYHannah doesnt have time for thatbecause Hannah has to go off tocommunity service - one count ofanimal cruelty.

ROBBIE RAYAt least Lola will be joining you.

LOLA comes out the back holding the remains of her wig and ashovel in her other hand.

LOLAI have to give old bluey a properburial.

(CONTINUED)


31/32

CONTINUED: (2) 30.

OLIVERYou name them?

LOLAThanks to the murderous cowButtercup, old bluey is no more.

She CRIES and dries her tears with the remains of the wig.

ROBBIE RAYUh, I wouldnt say murderous andcow in the same sentence. I thinkits making the boys hungry.

Oliver and Jackson lick their lips simultaneously and thentake off after the cow.

OLIVERStop that cow!

Miley shakes her head and sits on the porch step, Robbie Rayturns off the hose and sits beside her.

MILEYNext time someone in our familysends us something, we dont openit, deal?

ROBBIE RAYDeal. Unless its Aunt Pearlsbrownies.

She glares at him.

ROBBIE RAY (contd)OK. No brownies.

MILEYWe could have some nice tasty ribsinstead?

ROBBIE RAYRibs?

MILEYEver since I had this dream I cantstop thinking about them.

ROBBIE RAYWell, lets go cook em up.

He puts an arm around her and they go inside. Lola looksdown at her wig.

(CONTINUED)


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CONTINUED: (3) 31.

LOLA(calling after them)

Hello? Crazy cow lovingfamily? Wig related grief here!

(to self)Good grief!

She looks down to her wig for a long moment and then bringsit up to her mouth and nibbles on the end of it and thenspits it out.

LOLA (contd)Nope. Must be a cow thing.

She gets up with her wig and shovel.

END TAG

FADE OUT

script hann

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