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Mhairi Turnbull

Interpersonal Communication

Response Paper 1

26th January 2012

Searching for Self

Many people spend their entire lives searching for themselves and trying to

discover who they are. As human beings, we have a constant battle with satisfaction,

always trying to be the best we can be, always trying to live life to the fullest, and always

trying to develop a deeper understanding of who we are while attempting to be completely

satisfied with our discovery. Julia Wood (2013) explains that communication with others is

one of the main ways we discover our “self.” As infants, we quickly learn how to

communicate through non-verbal cues and gradually develop verbal communication. At a

young age, we are subconsciously able to pick up on how others perceive us through

interaction, and as we grow, we become extremely aware of how others respond to our

personality. In Julia Wood’s seventh edition Interpersonal Communication: Everyday

Encounters, Wood explains Mead’s theory of self-discovery through communication, which

is broken into two perspectives, particular others and the Generalized Others.

Particular others are those from whom we first experience feedback and

perspectives on ourselves. In a child’s life, particular others consist of important people in

their lives such as family, specifically parents and siblings, and caregivers. If we are being

cared for, treated with importance, and shown love as children, then, as we grow up and

develop our self, we will have a high self worth, understand that we are important, and

deserve respect and love. If children are neglected or if parents communicate that they do

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not love their children, they will grow up with a low self worth, which is often hard to

reverse. If a parent uses affirming language such as “well done,” “you’re beautiful,” “you’re

brave,” or “you’re smart,” this boosts self-esteem and self worth. The same applies when

negative language is used; it will have a negative affect on the child. This communication

can be known as direct definition through which a parent defines the child by directly

labeling him/her and his/her behaviors. Direct definition also affects our personality; for

example, if you parents tell you that you are funny, you will learn to see yourself as funny

and you will try to further develop that trait.

In my opinion, particular others are the most important thread of this theory. A

vivid memory I remember from my childhood was the constant affirmation of how

precious my parents thought that I was. They often told me I was very “girlie,” which was

followed by my mother dressing me from head to toe in pink. My father often called me his

“princess,” so I was very aware of how special I was to him, which greatly boosted my self-

esteem. I am now 19 years old, my favorite color is pink, and I love all things girlie. It is

amazing how true Mead’s theory is, and how much we hold onto the communication

directed towards us from a very young age.

The second part of finding one’s self through communication is known as the

“generalized other.” This influence is much broader than particular others, and refers to

society and social groups. This perception group involves many factors such as, culture,

gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic class. There are three ways we are

influenced by widely accepted social views: interaction with others, media and institutions,

and institutions that organize our society. We learn that if we are female we should be a

mother and a wife; if we are male, we should be a provider. Our cultures shape us greatly. If

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people around us value certain things, and share those values, should it be morals, political

views, or religions, we too will share those cultural values.

I grew up in Glasgow, Scotland and did not move to Austin, Texas until I was 12

years old. Shortly after moving across the pond, I experienced a few challenging years of

feeling extremely lost. I had grown up learning through my parents perspectives who I was,

but as a result of the move, I was forced to adapt to the changed society and culture around

me. It was extreme culture shock. For the first time in my life, I was struggling to interpret

the interactions I was experiencing everyday, and what made things harder was coming

home to my parent’s familiar communication. Although Scotland and Texas have many

similarities, I had not prepared myself for the culture change. The difference in morals and

the strong views people held which were so unfamiliar to anything I had experienced

before seemed extremely disruptive to my “self.” As I grew older I was able to adapt to

American society while still feeling like myself. I now feel more at home in Texas than I do

in Scotland, and I have become fluent in translating the perspectives of multiple cultures.

Finding one’s self does not happen over night; we search for it our entire lives, and it

develops as we interact with others through communication (Wood 58). We grow and

adapt to our surroundings determined by the feedback we receive from particular others

and our culture. As we learn to accept ourselves, gradually feeling good with who we are,

we are embracing Mead’s amazing theory.

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Works Cited

Wood, Julia T.. Interpersonal communication: everyday encounters. 7th ed. Boston,

MA: Wadsworth, 2013. Print.