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Who am I ? Who am I ? Write twenty statements about Write twenty statements about Who am I? Who am I?

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Page 1: Self esteem

Who am I ?Who am I ?

Write twenty statements about Who Write twenty statements about Who am I?am I?

Page 2: Self esteem

Who Am I?Who Am I?

Four types of likely answersFour types of likely answers Physical Description: Physical Description: Social Roles Social Roles Personal Traits: Personal Traits: Existential Statements Existential Statements

Page 3: Self esteem

Self ConceptSelf Concept

.The term self-concept is a general .The term self-concept is a general term used to refer to how someone term used to refer to how someone thinks about or perceives thinks about or perceives themselves.themselves.

is how we think about and evaluate is how we think about and evaluate ourselvesourselves

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Guided imageryGuided imagery Let’s go back to our early years of life. Go back as Let’s go back to our early years of life. Go back as

far as you can into your early childhood. May be far as you can into your early childhood. May be when you had started going to school. You were a when you had started going to school. You were a tiny little being. Can you recall the people around tiny little being. Can you recall the people around you? Your parents,: your father, your mother, your you? Your parents,: your father, your mother, your grandfather, your grandmother, your brother, your grandfather, your grandmother, your brother, your sister. Meet them all. What do you hear them saying sister. Meet them all. What do you hear them saying to you. Hear them closely. What do you hear them to you. Hear them closely. What do you hear them say to you, what do they admire in you. What are say to you, what do they admire in you. What are they saying, you are good at? What do they they saying, you are good at? What do they appreciate in you? Things that you are able to do or appreciate in you? Things that you are able to do or the way you are? Do you hear somebody getting the way you are? Do you hear somebody getting angry with you? Is there anyone telling that they are angry with you? Is there anyone telling that they are upset with you the way you are? Or the things that upset with you the way you are? Or the things that you do or are unable to do you do or are unable to do

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You are studying many subjects in the school You are studying many subjects in the school now you go in for many co curricular activities now you go in for many co curricular activities sports ,music ,dance Craft , Clay work or sports ,music ,dance Craft , Clay work or other activities .What do you hear your other activities .What do you hear your teachers say to you . do they tell you what teachers say to you . do they tell you what you good at , what do they value you for. you good at , what do they value you for. What about your friends, what do they admire What about your friends, what do they admire in you? What do they appreciate you for? in you? What do they appreciate you for? Hear them all, all of them. Do you come Hear them all, all of them. Do you come across any teacher who is upset with you the across any teacher who is upset with you the one who shouts at you, rebukes? What are one who shouts at you, rebukes? What are they upset about?they upset about?

Life moves on you are a teenager Life moves on you are a teenager now? How do you look at yourself? Do you now? How do you look at yourself? Do you find yourself happy? Do you feel a sense of find yourself happy? Do you feel a sense of pride? How do people around you look at you? pride? How do people around you look at you? Your father or mother, Your sister, brother, Your father or mother, Your sister, brother, neighbors? What are people critical about? neighbors? What are people critical about? What are they appreciative about? Who are What are they appreciative about? Who are the people who are constantly irritating you, the people who are constantly irritating you, make you feel nervous; Make you feel less, make you feel nervous; Make you feel less, incompetent. How do you look at yourself? incompetent. How do you look at yourself?

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You are a young adult now; you have your own You are a young adult now; you have your own very way of looking at yourself. Even you can see very way of looking at yourself. Even you can see some strengths in yourself, The things you are some strengths in yourself, The things you are competent in . Your sense of responsibility, your competent in . Your sense of responsibility, your values, your way of being with people. You hear values, your way of being with people. You hear others appreciate you, admire you but you also others appreciate you, admire you but you also hear people criticize you, laugh at you, say things hear people criticize you, laugh at you, say things about you. Can you hear them what are they about you. Can you hear them what are they saying to you. What are they saying about you? saying to you. What are they saying about you?

Today you have had a close look at your Today you have had a close look at your life. The way people look at you. You are able to life. The way people look at you. You are able to count your strengths and limitations. Some, you count your strengths and limitations. Some, you agree with and some that you do not agree with. agree with and some that you do not agree with. Things that give you a sense of pride and Things that give you a sense of pride and happiness. Also you heard people say things that happiness. Also you heard people say things that make you feel low, less and inadequate. Lets make you feel low, less and inadequate. Lets open our eyes after committing to ourselves that I open our eyes after committing to ourselves that I am going to do everything to make my life am going to do everything to make my life meaningful valuable and happy.meaningful valuable and happy.

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SharingSharingLets pair up with somebody in the Lets pair up with somebody in the

group I want to share my life group I want to share my life experiences with .experiences with . Is my present concept of myself in any Is my present concept of myself in any

ways linked to the voices I have been ways linked to the voices I have been hearing in the past (both the positive and hearing in the past (both the positive and the negative messages)the negative messages)

has my concept of self changed over the has my concept of self changed over the years ? What brought about the change years ? What brought about the change (both the positive and the negative?)(both the positive and the negative?)

How are we feeling? How are we feeling?

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Self ConceptSelf Concept

Carl Rogers Believes that Self Concept has Believes that Self Concept has three different components:three different components:

Self imageSelf image :The view you have of yourself :The view you have of yourself Attributes / CharacteristicsAttributes / Characteristics

Self esteem Self esteem or self-worth: How much or self-worth: How much value you place on yourself value you place on yourself

Ideal self :Ideal self :What you wish you were really What you wish you were really like like

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Self WorthSelf Worth

What the being is worthy ofWhat the being is worthy ofa unique being a unique being a sacred being a sacred being worthy of being loved worthy of being loved worthy of a life worthy of a life Quality of life Quality of life worthy of opportunities worthy of opportunities worthy of experiences worthy of experiences worthy of dignity worthy of dignity

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Self EsteemSelf Esteem

1.1. It’s the amount of real self that you dare to It’s the amount of real self that you dare to show to people.show to people.

2.2. Is a screen or veil that hides what is Is a screen or veil that hides what is threatening to reveal threatening to reveal

3.3. A crust one forms around one’s real self in A crust one forms around one’s real self in orders to survive in a social system or orders to survive in a social system or relationships relationships

4.4. Each individual is unique and different Each individual is unique and different however differences are not always however differences are not always affirmed or celebrated individuals develop affirmed or celebrated individuals develop consequently graded levels of self esteem.consequently graded levels of self esteem.

5.5. The more characteristics of one’s true self The more characteristics of one’s true self that are not affirmed or on appearance are that are not affirmed or on appearance are severely punished and violated the greater severely punished and violated the greater the defensive screen created by the self to the defensive screen created by the self to protect oneself.protect oneself.

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Rate Yourself on the following Rate Yourself on the following behaviors on a scale of 1-10behaviors on a scale of 1-10

Shy 1…………………………………..10Shy 1…………………………………..10

Timid 1……………………………………10Timid 1……………………………………10

Reserved 1………………………………… 10Reserved 1………………………………… 10

Quiet 1……………………………………10Quiet 1……………………………………10

Attention Seeking 1……………………………10Attention Seeking 1……………………………10

Clinging 1…………………………………10Clinging 1…………………………………10

Aggressive 1……………………………………10Aggressive 1……………………………………10

Bullying 1……………………………………10Bullying 1……………………………………10

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Rate Yourself on the following Rate Yourself on the following behaviors on a scale of 1-10behaviors on a scale of 1-10

Resistance to new challenges 1………………Resistance to new challenges 1………………1010

Fearful of failure 1………………………Fearful of failure 1………………………1010

Being upset by Mistake 1………………10 Being upset by Mistake 1………………10

Nervous of exams 1………………………10Nervous of exams 1………………………10

Perfectionism 1……………………10Perfectionism 1……………………10

Diligence 1Diligence 1…………………10…………………10

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Dimensions of Self Dimensions of Self EsteemEsteem

Two central dimensions of Two central dimensions of

self esteem self esteem Feeling of being lovable Feeling of being lovable Feeling of being capable Feeling of being capable

Page 14: Self esteem

Dimensions of Self Dimensions of Self EsteemEsteemDoubts his / her Doubts his / her

LovabilityLovabilityDoubts his / her Doubts his / her CapabilityCapability

ShyShyTimidTimidReservedReservedQuietQuietAttention Seeking Attention Seeking Clinging Clinging Aggressive Aggressive BullyingBullying

Resistance to new Resistance to new

challenges challenges Fearful of failure Fearful of failure Easily upset by Easily upset by

mistakesmistakesNervous of exams Nervous of exams Perfectionists Perfectionists Overly diligentOverly diligent

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Determinants of self esteemDeterminants of self esteem

THE REACTION OF OTHERSTHE REACTION OF OTHERS. If people admire . If people admire us, flatter us, seek out our company, listen us, flatter us, seek out our company, listen attentively and agree with us we tend to develop attentively and agree with us we tend to develop a positive self-image. If they avoid us, neglect us, a positive self-image. If they avoid us, neglect us, tell us things about ourselves that we don’t want tell us things about ourselves that we don’t want to hear we develop a negative self-image. to hear we develop a negative self-image.

COMPARISON WITH OTHERSCOMPARISON WITH OTHERS. If the people we . If the people we compare ourselves with (our reference group) compare ourselves with (our reference group) appear to be more successful, happier, richer, appear to be more successful, happier, richer, better looking than ourselves we tend to develop better looking than ourselves we tend to develop a negative self image BUT if they are less a negative self image BUT if they are less successful than us our image will be positive.successful than us our image will be positive.

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Determinants of self esteemDeterminants of self esteem

SOCIAL ROLESSOCIAL ROLES. Some social roles carry . Some social roles carry prestige e.g. doctor, airline pilot, TV. prestige e.g. doctor, airline pilot, TV. presenter, premiership footballer and this presenter, premiership footballer and this promotes self-esteem. Other roles carry promotes self-esteem. Other roles carry stigma. E.g. prisoner, mental hospital patient, stigma. E.g. prisoner, mental hospital patient, refuse collector or unemployed person. refuse collector or unemployed person.

IDENTIFICATIONIDENTIFICATION. Roles aren’t just “out . Roles aren’t just “out there.” They also become part of our there.” They also become part of our personality i.e. we identity with the positions personality i.e. we identity with the positions we occupy, the roles we play and the groups we occupy, the roles we play and the groups we belong to.we belong to.

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Three Faces of Low Self Three Faces of Low Self EsteemEsteem

Face IFace I Acts happy and successful, but is really Acts happy and successful, but is really

terrified of failureterrified of failure Lives with the constant fear that she or he Lives with the constant fear that she or he

will be "found out."will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain Needs continuous successes to maintain

the mask of positive self-esteem, which the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

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Three Faces of Low Self Three Faces of Low Self EsteemEsteem

Face IIFace II Acts like the opinions or good will of others Acts like the opinions or good will of others

- especially people who are important or - especially people who are important or powerful powerful

Lives with constant anger about not Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." feeling "good enough."

Continuously needs to prove that others' Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt,judgments and criticisms don't hurt,

may lead to problems like blaming others may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.fighting authority.

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Three Faces of Low Self Three Faces of Low Self EsteemEsteem

Face IIIFace III Acts helpless and unable to cope with the Acts helpless and unable to cope with the

world and waits for someone to come to the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue.rescue.

Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life.changing his or her life.

Looks constantly to others for guidance, Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships.excessive reliance on others in relationships.

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Indicators of High Self Indicators of High Self EsteemEsteem

is competent to deal with life's basic challenges is competent to deal with life's basic challenges (self-efficacy)(self-efficacy)

Feels that one is deserving of success, love, and Feels that one is deserving of success, love, and friendships, and the acceptance of positive friendships, and the acceptance of positive feelings—such as pride and joy—as "natural" and feelings—such as pride and joy—as "natural" and proper to one's existence. proper to one's existence.

Is self-reflective and capable of independent Is self-reflective and capable of independent thought; taking responsibility for and authentically thought; taking responsibility for and authentically asserting one's thoughts, beliefs, values, and asserting one's thoughts, beliefs, values, and actions; pursuing meaningful life goals;actions; pursuing meaningful life goals;

Can work harmoniously in a group takes people Can work harmoniously in a group takes people alongalong

adhere to moral values that are based on reason. adhere to moral values that are based on reason.

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High Self EsteemHigh Self Esteem

Only 5 – 10 percent of population Only 5 – 10 percent of population Marginal protectors Marginal protectors Loving Loving Spontaneous Spontaneous Unique / different Unique / different Individual Individual Expansive Expansive Adventurous Adventurous Creative Creative Fearless Fearless

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Middle Self Esteem peopleMiddle Self Esteem people

Work towords hiding some aspects of Work towords hiding some aspects of their behaviors /inabilities their behaviors /inabilities

Their protectors are a moderate in Their protectors are a moderate in nature nature Uncertain Uncertain Tentative Tentative Dependent Dependent Concerned about how other see themConcerned about how other see them

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Consequences of Low Self-EsteemConsequences of Low Self-Esteem

can have devastating consequences.can have devastating consequences. can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increasedcan create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. likelihood for depression. can cause problems with friendships and can cause problems with friendships and

relationships. relationships. can seriously impair academic and job performance. can seriously impair academic and job performance. can lead to underachievement and increased can lead to underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse. vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse. Worst of all, these negative consequences Worst of all, these negative consequences

themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior.even actively self-destructive behavior.

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Group Activity Group Activity

How can we Enhance Self Esteem ?How can we Enhance Self Esteem ?

How can I enhance my self esteem?How can I enhance my self esteem?

How can I contribute to enhancement of self How can I contribute to enhancement of self esteem of others?esteem of others?

Discussion, PresentationDiscussion, Presentation

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Three Steps to Better Self-EsteemThree Steps to Better Self-Esteem

you must first believe that you can change you must first believe that you can change it.it.

Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen. or easily, but it can happen.

You are not powerless! Once you have You are not powerless! Once you have accepted, or are at least willing to entertain accepted, or are at least willing to entertain the possibility that you are not powerless, the possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to begin there are three steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem:to change your self-esteem:

Step 1: Rebut (refute)the Inner Critic Step 1: Rebut (refute)the Inner Critic Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing Step 3: Get Help from Others Step 3: Get Help from Others

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Step 1: Rebut the Inner Step 1: Rebut the Inner CriticCritic

The first important step in improving self-The first important step in improving self-esteem is to begin to challenge the negative esteem is to begin to challenge the negative messages of the critical inner voice messages of the critical inner voice "People said they liked my presentation, but it "People said they liked my presentation, but it

was nowhere near as good as it should have was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can't believe no-one noticed all the been. I can't believe no-one noticed all the places I messed up. I'm such an impostor." places I messed up. I'm such an impostor."

Be Reassuring:Be Reassuring: "Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it wasn't "Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it wasn't

perfect, but I worked hard on that presentation perfect, but I worked hard on that presentation and did a good job. I'm proud of myself. This was and did a good job. I'm proud of myself. This was a success." a success."

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Step 1: Rebut the Inner Step 1: Rebut the Inner CriticCritic

"He is frowning. He didn't say "He is frowning. He didn't say anything, but I know it means that he anything, but I know it means that he doesn't like me!" doesn't like me!"

Challenge Illogic: Challenge Illogic: "O.K., he's "O.K., he's frowning, but I don't know why. It frowning, but I don't know why. It could have nothing to do with me. could have nothing to do with me. Maybe I should ask." Maybe I should ask."

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Step 2: Practice Self-NurturingStep 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

Rebutting your critical inner voice is an Rebutting your critical inner voice is an important first step, but it is not enough. important first step, but it is not enough. Since our self-esteem is in part due to how Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the second others have treated us in the past, the second step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin to treat yourself as a worthwhile person.to treat yourself as a worthwhile person.

Start to challenge past negative experiences Start to challenge past negative experiences or messages by nurturing and caring for or messages by nurturing and caring for yourself in ways that show that you are yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deserving and lovable. valuable, competent, deserving and lovable.

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Step 2: Practice Self-NurturingStep 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

Practice Basic Self-CarePractice Basic Self-Care Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular

exercise, practice good hygiene, and so forth.exercise, practice good hygiene, and so forth. Plan Fun & Relaxing Things For YourselfPlan Fun & Relaxing Things For Yourself

You could go to a movie, take a nap, get a massage, plant a You could go to a movie, take a nap, get a massage, plant a garden, buy a pet, learn to meditate-whatever you enjoy.garden, buy a pet, learn to meditate-whatever you enjoy.

Reward Yourself For Your AccomplishmentsReward Yourself For Your Accomplishments You could take an off to celebrate good grades, spend time You could take an off to celebrate good grades, spend time

with a friend, or compliment yourself for making certain with a friend, or compliment yourself for making certain things possible.things possible.

Remind Yourself of Your Strengths & AchievementsRemind Yourself of Your Strengths & Achievements One way is to make a list of things you like about yourself. One way is to make a list of things you like about yourself.

Or keep a 'success' file of awards, certificates and positive Or keep a 'success' file of awards, certificates and positive letters or citations. Keep mementos of accomplishments letters or citations. Keep mementos of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them.you are proud of where you can see them.

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Step 2: Practice Self-NurturingStep 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

Forgive Yourself When You Don't Do Forgive Yourself When You Don't Do All You'd HopedAll You'd Hoped

Don't be critical of yourselfDon't be critical of yourself Self-Nurture Even When You Don't Self-Nurture Even When You Don't

Feel You Deserve ItFeel You Deserve It "Fake it" until you can "make it." When "Fake it" until you can "make it." When

you treat yourself like you deserve to feel you treat yourself like you deserve to feel good and be nurtured, slowly you'll come good and be nurtured, slowly you'll come to believe it.to believe it.

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Step 3: Get Help from Step 3: Get Help from OthersOthers

Getting help from others is often the most important Getting help from others is often the most important step a person can take to improve his or her self-step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. esteem, but it can also be the most difficult.

People with low self-esteem often don't ask for help People with low self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it. because they feel they don't deserve it.

Ask for Support from FriendsAsk for Support from Friends Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or

think you do well. think you do well. Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you

"vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things. "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things. Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they

do. do.

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Step 3: Get Help from Step 3: Get Help from OthersOthers

Get Help from Teachers & Other HelpersGet Help from Teachers & Other Helpers Go to professors or advisors or tutors to ask for help in Go to professors or advisors or tutors to ask for help in

classes if this is a problem for you. classes if this is a problem for you. RememberRemember: They are : They are there to help you learn! there to help you learn!

If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or try out new activities to increase your sense of competence try out new activities to increase your sense of competence (for example, join a dance club, take swimming lessons, (for example, join a dance club, take swimming lessons, etc.) etc.)

Talk to a Therapist or CounselorTalk to a Therapist or Counselor Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to

overcome that the professional help of a therapist or overcome that the professional help of a therapist or counselor is needed.counselor is needed.

Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your self-your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your self-esteem.esteem.

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Smile and laugh more Smile and laugh more Don't take yourself or life so seriously Don't take yourself or life so seriously Realize that if you fail it is not the end of the Realize that if you fail it is not the end of the

world world Walk everyday whenever you can (for Walk everyday whenever you can (for

exercise but also your brain needs fresh air) exercise but also your brain needs fresh air) Dream about new possibilities Dream about new possibilities Reflect on your successes and believe in Reflect on your successes and believe in

yourself yourself Do things you love as often as possible Do things you love as often as possible Welcome new challenges and experiences Welcome new challenges and experiences Stay away from activities and people that put Stay away from activities and people that put

you down or make you feel incapableyou down or make you feel incapable

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Do not watch, listen or read negative or evil Do not watch, listen or read negative or evil things (especially violent, depressive or insane things (especially violent, depressive or insane things) things)

Try to avoid becoming obsessed with anything Try to avoid becoming obsessed with anything (moderation is self-control) (moderation is self-control)

Try to find beauty in everything and put your Try to find beauty in everything and put your focus on beautiful things focus on beautiful things

Enjoy some quiet time each day Enjoy some quiet time each day Try to help others Try to help others Encourage and want others to succeed Encourage and want others to succeed Be generous in everyway including financially Be generous in everyway including financially Be honest to yourself and others Be honest to yourself and others

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