Sentence and Paragraph Flow

Simple to Complex

Tangible to Intangible

Old to New

Which is better?

The claim that the Civil War was God’s punishment for both North and South for Slavery appears in the last part of the Lincoln speech.

In his speech, Lincoln claims that God gave the Civil War to both North and South as a punishment for slavery.

Okay, why?

Problem Warning #1

The claim that the Civil War was God’s punishment for both North and South for Slavery appears in the last part of the Lincoln speech.

Long, unwieldy, abstract subject … you can’t see/touch/feel/smell a “claim that the Civil War was God’s punishment”

Problem Warning #2

The claim that the Civil War was God’s punishment for both North and South for Slavery appears in the last part of the Lincoln speech.

Lots of prepositional phrases

Why is this one better?

In his speech, Lincoln claims that God gave the Civil War to both North and South as a punishment for slavery.

Reason #1

In his speech, Lincoln claims that God gave the Civil War to both North and South as a punishment for slavery.

Concrete subject; real verb

Reason #2

In his speech, Lincoln claims that God gave the Civil War to both North and South as a punishment for slavery.

Abstraction (new concept) appears at end of sentence.

General Guidelines:

Start with simple, concrete subjects Start with things your audience already

understands Move from tangible to intangible

An example:

The role of calcium blocker drugs in the control of cardiac irregularity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in the activation of muscle cells.

Warning signs?

The role of calcium blocker drugs in the control of cardiac irregularity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in the activation of muscle cells.

Again, a long, unwieldy, abstract subject

Warning signs?

The role of calcium blocker drugs in the control of cardiac irregularity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in the activation of muscle cells.

Lots of prepositions …

Better?

When a muscle contracts, it uses calcium. We must therefore understand how calcium affects muscle cells to understand how cardiac irregularity is controlled by drugs called “calcium blockers.”

Revise:

There are limited opportunities for faculty to work with individual students at the University of Virginia.

One Answer:

U.Va. faculty members rarely get to work with students one-on-one.

Revise:

The teacher who makes an assignment of a long final term paper at the end of the semester and who then gives only a grade and nothing else such as a critical comment is a common object of complaint among students at the college level.

One Answer:

College students often complain about teachers who assign a long final paper but provide no real feedback or comments on it, just a grade.

Revise:

Renting textbooks rather than buying them for basic required courses such as mathematics, foreign languages, and English, whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes, is feasible, however, economically speaking.

One Answer:

Because textbooks in mathematics, foreign languages, and English do not change much each year, students could save money by renting their books instead of buying them.

What about a paragraph?

Same basic ideas apply:

Start with simple, concrete subjects Start with things that will be familiar to

your audience Move from tangible to intangible

Two story openings:

Which is a better opening? Why?

#1

When this boy is a grandfather himself, for reasons he won’t understand then any more than he does now, he will tell his grandchildren, and anyone else who will bother to listen to him, all about his Uncle Jack who was, briefly—but is not all beauty and great achievement as brief as the flare of struck match—a wonderful athlete, a baseball player much admired by his peers.

#2

A boy and a man in the park. Between them and old wooden bat, a battered and dirty baseball and one leather glove, well tended and cared for, oiled and supple, but old, too, its pocket as thin as paper.

The boy and the man are sweating in the late afternoon light. Lazy end of a long summer day.

Huh?

The role of calcium blocker drugs in the control of cardiac irregularity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in the activation of muscle cells. The regulatory proteins actin, myosin, tropomyosin, and troponin make up the sarcomere, the basic unit of muscle contraction. ATPase, the energy-producing protein myosin, makes up its thick filament, while actin, tropomyosin, and troponin make up its thin filament. Interaction of myosin and actin triggers muscle contraction.

Oh …

When a muscle contracts, it uses calcium. We must therefore understand how calcium affects muscle cells to understand how cardiac irregularity is controlled by drugs called “calcium blockers.” The basic unit of muscle contraction is the sarcomere. It has two filaments, one thin and one thick. Those filaments consist of four proteins that regulate contraction: actin, myosin, tropomyosin, and troponin. Muscles contract when the protein in the thin filament, actin, interacts with the protein myosin in the thick filament, an energy-producing, or ATP-ase protein.

Old to New Flow

When a muscle contracts, it uses calcium. We must therefore understand how calcium affects muscle cells…

[F]our proteins [regulate] contraction: actin, myosin, tropomyosin, and troponin. Muscles contract when the protein in the thin filament, actin, interacts

“D%$@ it, Livingood, start at ‘A’!

You’re starting at ‘C.’ Go ‘A,’ ‘B,’ ‘C’!”

Why you start at the beginning

The wife enters at “C”

Reword:

The story of King Lear and his daughters was a popular one during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. At least a dozen available books offered the story to anyone wishing to read it, by the time Elizabeth died. The characters were undeveloped in most of these stories, however, making the story a simple narrative that stated an obvious moral. When he began work on Lear, perhaps his greatest tragedy, Shakespeare must have had several versions of this story available to him. He turned the characters into credible human beings with complex motives, however, even through they were based on stock figures of legend.

Okay, but what’s your topic sentence for that paragraph?