september 2011 full issue

Relationships I Health I Nature I Culture I Learning I ActivitiesParent Circle

Parent CircleVolume 1 Issue 5 September 2011 Price ` 40

The house of your dreams. It takes shape. Brick by brick, layered with cement - in between.

To create a bond, as strong as the bonds of love, That strengthen with time. Love binds families and strengthens hearts.

Ramco. A strength for your home. A dream that'll last - forever!

Madras Cements Ltd. Corporate Office: 'Auras Corporate Centre', V Floor, 98 - A, Dr. Radhakrishnan Road, Mylapore, Chennai - 600 004. India. Tel: 91 - 44 - 2847 8666 Fax: 91 - 44 - 2847 8676

Like relationships,it strengthens with time!

For the Parent in You!

RNI NO. TNENG/2011/38388

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Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.

PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Nalina Ramalakshmi

MANAGING EDITOR Nitya Varadarajan

SENIOR EDITOR - COPY DESK Shashwathi Sandeep

CONTENT COORDINATOR Asita Haq

To advertise in this magazine call 044 24461066/67/68 or email [email protected]

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CREATIVE HEAD Rangashree Srinivas

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ADMINISTRATION Sheeja Sasindran

HEAD - OPERATIONS Neeta Kamath

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CIRCULATION C Ganesh S Thirumalai

SUBSCRIPTION Dolly Preethi Martina M

E very year, my children’s school in the US set aside a special Grandparents Day. Grandparents were invited to visit the school and spend half a day, visiting the classrooms and doing activities with the children. Later they were entertained with a special show performed by the children for

them. I had the privilege of organising these events and it was always such a joy to see the excitement on the faces of both the children and the grandparents, as the children proudly showed off their classrooms, their work, their friends and their teachers. It was very moving to watch the joyful interactions between the children and their doting grandparents.

I too, have very fond memories of my own grandmothers. I remember playing ‘Dhaayam’ and ‘Omali Gunta’ (traditional board games) with my paternal grandmother and listening to her stories. When we were away in school she would collect ‘Binaca charms’ (small plastic animals) for us. I still have these charms, which I treasure very much. My maternal grandmother was a source of strength for the whole family. Whenever I was frustrated and upset with my parents, I would run to her, seeking comfort and solace. I miss them both very much.

This issue is dedicated to Grandparents everywhere, in celebration of Grandparents Day on September 11th. Read our cover story ‘A Tribute to Grandparents’ to see what roles today’s grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren.

September 5th is Teacher’s Day. In our feature ‘The Teacher as the Guru’, we examine the evolution of the teacher’s role in the education of the child, from the days of the Gurukulam to what it is today.

September is the beginning of our festival season, starting with Vinayakar Chathurthi on September 1st. Our special feature on ‘The Changing Face of Traditions’, talks about the various traditions that have evolved in different cultures as part of festival celebrations. We also discuss the importance of evolving your own family traditions, be it a family game night every Friday evening or a trip to Grandma’s every Deepavali.

I like to leave you to explore this issue with a tribute to grandparents everywhere:

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~ Alex Haley

Nalina Ramalakshmi

For the Parent in youTo know, to understand, to connect

Find us on

editorial

Parent Circle / September 20112

A few Chennai grandparents and grandchildrenP.30

IN FOCUS

ROOTS Navaratri Celebrations Across India

MINDSET Myths About Discipline

HEALTH CIRCLE Tackling Respiratory Infections in Children

FEATURE The Teacher as the Guru

LEARNING Math: Go from Nay to Yay!

VALUES Adopting the Right Attitude Towards Food

TEEN CIRCLE Tackling Substance Abuse in Teens

DESTINATIONS A Kaleidoscopic View of Kanyakumari

REGULARS

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ON THE COVER MEGHA CHINNAPPA AND HER GRANDMOTHER MUTHAMMA PHOTOGRAPH BY ARJUN DOGRA

A Tribute to Grandparents

COVER STORY

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The Changing Face of Traditions

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RESOURCES

FORUM

PARENT CHEF Grandma’s Recipes

CHECK IT OUT Pick a Flick

HANDS ON Paper House

EVENTS Chennai this Month

YOUR WORD

PARENT EXPRESS The Need for a Sibling

VIEWPOINT The Abhimanyu Syndrome

DISCUSSION POINT Strict or Lenient Teachers?

LIGHTER VEIN Time Out

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The magazine is very interesting. All the articles are equally good. In the latest issue, I liked the article on Tech Talk where they gave the websites which are helpful for studies. I can relate to it as I have two grown up children and this is very useful for them. I also like the recipe pages very much. S PRAVEENA, mother of two children

Each and everything about this magazine is very nice. I like the way the articles are written. We get a lot of information and tips on parenting our kids. The photographs used are also nice and bring a smile on one’s face. I also have seen the recipes page. I would love to try out all those dishes but I have not yet found the time. DR KRISHNAPRIYA, mother of two children

I have just started subscribing and have gone through just one issue of the magazine. Right from the cover to the photographs used and the articles, they are really good. The article on pre-school in the last issue was very relevant and useful for me as I have just started sending my daughter to pre-school. The page on Events is Chennai oriented. I live in Mysore and it really does not matter to me here about what is happening in Chennai. It should include other cities too. LATHA RAGHUNATH, mother of two children

In the Events section you only give the events in Chennai. What about the rest of the country? I think that you should include events in other cities so that we will be aware of what is happening in our city (Bangalore) as well. Apart from that, the other sections are pretty interesting. I particularly like the ‘Check it Out’ section; it gives so much information on the books we could make our children read. Most of the articles are really good and so are the photographs. The recipes section too is very interesting. RANJANA AJITKUMAR, mother of a 6-year-old

*Editor’s response: We really appreciate the fact that we have readers like you subscribing out of Bangalore and Mysore and giving us your valuable feedback. At the moment, we are Chennai-centric in terms of the bulk of our circulation. But we are planning to expand to other centres in the country and we will get more broad-based in our events.

Letters to the Editor

Please send in your letter with the subject line “Letters to the Editor”, before September 15, 2011, to [email protected] or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

your word

I am extremely happy that you have brought out a

magazine exclusively for the parents. The cover of

your August issue is beautiful.

It is the teenage children who have to be given great

importance. They are confused, as there is a

transformation going on in their mental makeup.

Parents need to act as a guiding spirit, to help them.

I am simply at a loss to pick an article which is not

outstanding. You have been able to compile

interesting and thought provoking articles.

SUDHA KASTURIRANGAN, Teacher

Wow! What a magazine! The other day when I went to

Nilgris store, I saw this magazine in the stands. I really

liked it. PARENT CIRCLE can be read by the young and

the old parents. It is an ideal magazine for parents of

school going children. I have recommended the

magazine to many of my friends. I wish the magazine

all success.

S GANESHAN

I just completed the magazine from cover to cover. I

came through the magazine while I was glancing

through the magazine shelves in Landmark. The

name PARENT CIRCLE attracted me. After going

through each and every article, I really thought that

the money spent was worthwhile and I will continue

to buy it in the future.

I have always wondered how to approach my son to

make him sing rhymes, paint etc. The article on

identifying a child’s learning style gave me the idea

that it is easy for me to approach him from his point

of view.

Regarding preschools, I am certain that I’ ll put him in

the best preschool available. I never knew that there

were so many checks to be made to find a good

school for my dear son. I am sure that the prevention

aspects of dental problems highlighted in your

Health article will be noted by parents like me who

want their children to be healthy.

RAJESWARI VEERAVEL, mother of a 2-year-old boy


SAMACHEER KALVI TEXTBOOKS ONLINE

The Tamil Nadu School Education Department has hosted the Samacheer Kalvi textbooks online. Both the Tamil and English medium textbooks for students from the 2nd to 5th standards and from the 7th to 10th standards can be accessed on the web at: www.tn.nic.in, www.textbooksonline.tn.nic.in and www.pallikalvi.in

The holy month of Ramzan is being observed by the Muslims across the world and here is how a 13-year-old observes Ramzan

MY RAMADHAN ALYINA IBSAN, 13 YEARS

Ramadhan is a holy month for Muslims when we fast everyday. My sister is a soccer star, and she kicks me out of the bed. I get up half-an-hour before dawn and eat food for suhur (pre-dawn meal) with my family. We eat ghee rice,

chicken and dosa. We say our dawn prayers. Then I sleep till 8 a.m. I have my bath and go to school.

My hunger is forgotten in school. After coming home, I sleep for a while. I read the Quran after I get up and then I make dua (supplication) for my family and friends. Before sunset, my mother calls me to help her at the dining table. We break our fast after sunset by drinking Zam Zam (Holy water) or eating dates.

Then we eat different kinds of food like samosa, burger, pizza, potato balls, French fries, fruit salad, different types of chicken and follow it up with Nannari sherbet. Then we say our sunset prayers.

At night, we go to the mosque for our night prayers as well as our Tarawih prayers (a special prayer prayed in Ramadhan). After that I go to my room and sleep till my sister makes her next soccer goal!

NO MORE FREE PLASTIC BAGS AT SUPERMARKETS

In addition to paying for your groceries be prepared to pay for the plastic

carry-bags provided by the shops and supermarkets. The Union

Ministry of Environment and Forest has come out with a rule that plastic bags below 40 microns should not be

used and that shops should charge customers for carry-bags

above 40 microns.

WORKSHOP ON PARENTING

Chennai Counselor’s Foundation held a workshop, ‘Root 2 Fruit – A Parenting Carnival’ on July 30th at Chinmaya Heritage Center.

Special sessions that included guest lectures and panel discussions were held for the parents of children in the age groups of 0-5 years and 6-12 years. After each session, a video was presented highlighting the different parenting styles - the authoritarian, the indulgent and the balanced parent. This was followed by a Q&A session and a quiz for the audience.

Most interesting was the very animated debate between parents and teens on topics ranging from social networking to career planning.

ASSISTIVE DEVICES FOR THE ELDERLY AND DISABLED

A shoe lace that coils up on its own, seat cushions which lift themselves up automatically – these are some of the assistive aids for the elderly and the disabled developed by Activities of Daily Living (ADL) Neurotech. ADL has come out with 23 innovative assistive aids within a price range of ` 1,000 and ` 30,000. “ADL was conceptualised as an offering that would help improve not only the lives of the aged and infirm but also enable them to live semi-independent lives without having to depend on a care taker,” says Dr Prithika Chary, a senior neurologist and neurosurgeon, who is also the brainchild behind ADL.

For more details, you can log on to: www.adlneurotech.co.in

SWIMMING TOWARDS SUCCESS

Tamil Nadu swimmers are on a record-breaking high. Two young swimmers from Tamil Nadu have broken national records at the 38th Junior National Swimming Championship held at Bhopal in August 2011.

V Jayaveena, aged 13 years, broke two records in the 13 -15 years age category. She completed the 100m breast stroke in a record time of 1 minute 19.02 seconds (the earlier record was 1 minute 20.32 seconds) and the 200m breast stroke in 2 minutes 54.90 seconds (the earlier record 2 minutes 55.93 seconds).

Raghavi M broke the record in the 15 -17 years age category. She completed the lap in a record time of 2 minutes 46.96 seconds (the earlier record was 2 minutes 47.08 seconds). Raghavi was the only swimmer from Tamil Nadu to have participated in the Commonwealth Games held in November last year.

Jayaveena’s brother, Jaywant is now preparing for an International swimmers meet, the Asian Age Group Swimming Championship to be held in October at Jakarta. He is the only swimmer to represent Tamil Nadu at the event.

in focus

The need for a siblingGita Krishnan

used to knock at the doors of my neighbours in my apartment building asking if they had children. Having been a career woman all my life, and not having interacted with the tribe of homemakers, I made an effort to make friends with a few. Maybe, they could never be my best friends but I tried to enter their well-oiled family system to draw my son into it. I toyed with the idea of dogs but my friends quickly squashed the thought. How will you care for the animal when you are off to work? Delete.

I accompany him to all the animation movies and try to be his friend. I invite as many children as possible for sleepovers. I sacrifice my sleep to give him the thrill of pillow fights and jabbering with him late into the night.

I also resort to statements like “thank god you don’t have a brother or sister. You do not have to share our love. You get everything in the world you ask for.” But I know that this is not what I should be saying. Sometimes I explain to him in a rational manner, that some people do share great sibling relationships which can be a source of comfort, but that I am not close to my siblings. It could turn out that way too.

He acts unconcerned, but my heart goes out to him when he plays with younger children. I find him extremely gentle with them. He seems to open his vulnerable heart to them, wrapping them around him like a stuffed toy. I know he will make a great brother but I also know he will never get that opportunity. Maybe, God will compensate him with a bunch of good friends. n

GITA KRISHNAN IS THE MOTHER OF A

TEENAGER.

Honestly, I am uncomfortable when people gush over their deep relationships with their siblings. I

have two siblings and our relationships are like the chilly breezes that blow over Antartica. It is an awkward and stilted relationship. I cannot explain why.

On the face of it, we are very different people and pursue different paths in life. That could be one reason. Or, we never gave each other reason to be extra-caring towards each other. After my parents died, we tried to rally around each other but we quickly dropped the pretence and continue to be strangers.

Yet, I always console myself that they are around in the same planet and will not hesitate to come to my side (hopefully, I may add) if I so require. Or, vice-versa.

I have never known what it is like not to have a brother or a sister. They were part of my mindscape as I first grew conscious of the world around me. They were a smudge in my childish memories, an inerasable mark in my growing up years.

It is extremely difficult for me to put myself in my son’s shoes even for a

minute. My son is a single child and inhabits a world centering round his father, his mother (that is me) and himself.

He is not close to anybody in the world but us. Guilt gnaws at me when I see him sometimes during the holidays sitting on his own, glued to the TV or his PSP. There is no one to toss his hair or pick a fight with him or play a game with him. He never speaks to me about it. But, sometimes I see his expression get awkward when he watches siblings in our friend’s circle jostle with each other. He quickly adopts a Mr Bean kind of look.

The first time he spoke to me about the issue (and if I remember correctly, it was also the last time he spoke about it) was when he was in the third standard. The school teacher wanted the children to introduce themselves and talk about their brothers and sisters.

My son had nobody to talk about. He came home angry wanting to know why

he did not have a sibling. I could only compensate by searching

for children to make friends with him.

When he was a toddler, I

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Like anything else in life, even traditions are not static. Changing times are resulting in the death of some practices, or in the modifying of existing practices.

New ones evolve, or sometimes existing traditions are deeply examined and better understood!

“When I was a child, a week before Deepavali, my sister and I would divide the firecrackers between us and keep them out to dry when the sun came out,” says Shanthi Ramkumar, mother of two boys. “We had about two or three days’ leave at school. We would be so excited that we would not sleep all night before Deepavali,” she says.

Talk to any parent about traditional festivals in their childhood, and you can be sure to find a wistful smile as they recount the simplicity of life before television and the delight of having one's

extended family join in the festivities. The resplendence of firecrackers, the delight of buying a new doll for display before Navaratri or the special taste of a Christmas plum cake lingers on in one’s memory.

Where have those days gone?

Shanthi laments, “Today, festivals like Deepavali are mostly spent in front of the television. Nobody is waking up early. Children do not want to burst firecrackers. Depending on the age, they are either scared, or they think that it is not environment friendly, or a waste of money. We cannot even take the car out for fear of damage from firecrackers. The only charm left of the concept, are the new clothes. ”

Our children live in a different world than the one we so fondly remember. Perhaps our nostalgia plays a major part in the way we involve our children in festivities even

the changing

Traditions face of

Saritha Rao Rayachoti

as we try to recreate our own childhood memories of the occasion. Still, tradition is an important cornerstone in bringing the family together.

tradition and festivalsThere are so many facets to tradition, from religious ceremonies that mark the rites of passage to evolving a family tradition unique to a particular family. Celebrating festivals is only one aspect of tradition, but a very important one.

Why do people celebrate festivals?

“It is our custom handed down to us from generations before us,” says Nithya Madhavan, “we have to teach our children that this is how we follow our religious practices.”

Priya Srikanth has two daughters who are enthusiastic participants in the festival arrangements in the house. Priya says,

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“Celebrating a festival is the only way our children will learn about it. Besides, it gives us peace and fulfilment, especially as I have seen my mother doing these rituals regularly. We also get to meet relatives.”

Today, there are smaller families, and hence fewer relatives, who are all geographically distributed across the country and the world. Some families still make the effort to come together for a festival.

Sahar S believes that the two Eids are occasions for people to come together. “My parents made sure we all got together on these two occasions, so that I established good relations with my cousins. Our family has grown to almost three hundred people. My daughter gets a chance to meet her first cousins, second cousins and third cousins. I appreciate those people in our family who live

abroad, who spend lakhs of rupees just to come here to be with us for two or three days.”

Shanthi Ramkumar is appreciative of her friend who hosts a pooja called Kedar Gowri, usually on the evening of Deepavali. “She invites all her friends, along with their spouses, to visit her for at least ten minutes. If we time our arrival together, then in this small get-together, our respective husbands also get to meet and interact,” Shanthi says.

festivities and the child“Putting up the Christmas tree is a family activity”, says Raji Monisha Cherian. “Each one of us adds our own touch. The biggest association for my son Advait, is the gifts. Till he was seven years old, Advait believed in Santa Claus. It gave my husband and me great pleasure in hiding the gifts and making them appear magically under the tree. When Advait was seven, he watched the movie, Polar Express and got to know that Santa was a myth. Now he is fifteen, but when we meet Santa at Spencer Plaza and at the Church, he still takes great delight in shaking hands with him.”

Priya Srikanth says, “My girls are very traditional. The moment they see me

wearing a sari they say that they want a pavadai set. They help with the setting up of kolu (the traditional doll exhibition at home). My older daughter gets very excited and keeps asking when each festival would come.

Ishita Sharma says, “I have been married for twenty seven years. When it comes to Deepavali, we go to my in-laws’ house for lunch. Until seven years ago, when both my parents were alive, we used to have dinner at their place. From the time my daughters were in Class 9, it became an occasion for them to wear a sari and get a family picture taken. You never know who will not be there next year, especially when you have elderly people around.”

For Nithya Madhavan, Navaratri is the occasion when she can try out a new recipe for one sweet and one savoury. It is also the time when she gets to dress her daughter in traditional clothes against her usual attire of jeans. “My mother-in-law gifted my daughter with a pavadai for Deepavali. She wore it on that one day, but the rest of the time, it is lying in the cupboard. I tell her that this is also our dress and she should wear it occasionally, at least once in 2 months,” she says.

the nri factorAparna Rao was in for a serious case of culture shock when she moved to 8

Karthika Venkatraman works in an IT company and believes that thanks to the hours they work, celebrating a festival has become optional. She says, “We are working on a project based in the UK and their festivals are different from ours. So, if it is not a holiday in the UK, you may not get a day off here. I believe that even our festivals should be celebrated. The least that can be done is the ‘traditional’ day that we have every year at office, be celebrated on a festival day.”

Dona Konidena has more to say about her workplace in telecom some years ago, in India. “We would ask colleagues visiting Kerala to bring us gold bordered saris, for our office activity on Onam so we would be dressed appropriately. For Sankaranthi Pongal, we would fly kites and there would also be Rangoli drawing. I was in the Aahaar (food) committee and our responsibility was that during festivals like Baisakhi, there would have to be one Punjabi food speciality so that people know about the food that is special in that particular community.”

in the workplace

Five year old Niya offers daily prayers with her mother

Sriya and Pranaya Srikanth

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rituals, considered almost sacrosanct in India – like buying new clothes – are not as relevant to her as the deeper significance of the festival. “I make do with even a new top or a salwar that I wore probably once which makes it ‘new’ in my mind,” she says.

family traditionsOther than religious and cultural traditions, there are family traditions – activities or rituals that bring the family together.

For Meena Radhakrishnan, that special family tradition is the trip to India every 2-3 years. “We do miss the atmosphere in India - nothing to beat that on any festival! My oxygen tank signals 'empty' and I just need to be there,” she says.

Ishita Sharma who lives in Chennai says, “My husband works in Bangalore and comes home every alternate weekend. When he is here, Sunday evening is dedicated to playing Scrabble as a family, quite late into the night.”

Ishita also believes that anniversaries and birthdays are great occasions to bring the family together. She says, “We've all been celebrating our 25th anniversaries in the family. On my husband’s side, we get together at a place not in our own town. It's such fun because some of us have not seen each other in a long time.”

Dona Konidena's family, based in Jakarta, looks forward to an annual holiday, especially since her husband travels a lot. “We make it a point as a family to never miss a new year's eve together. In the last four years, we have visited different countries. My eldest son is already asking where we will be going this year,” she says.

While Sahar and his family love to travel, they spend every weekend with a group of like-minded friends irrespective of caste or creed. “We have food together, we then put the children to sleep. Sometimes, there are things to discuss and we talk until 3 a.m the next morning,” he says. 8

Outsourcing Food Shanthi Ramkumar believes that although festivals are an occasion to make those delicacies that are typical to the tradition, outsourcing makes a lot of sense.

“Back in the old days, there would be varieties of sweets and snacks only for Deepavali. During the rest of the year, it would just be normal food with the occasional exception. Nowadays, everything is available throughout the year for consumption. There is no separate charm in Deepavali bakshanam.”

“Today, we are unable to make limited quantities of bakshanam at home. When we use so much oil, it does not make sense to cook anything less than two or three kilos. Plus, it is labour-intensive. Working women who return from work the previous evening, make these bakshanams throughout the night and then feel fatigued on the festival day. If it does not turn out alright, nobody eats it. It makes better sense to make a simple payasam for auspiciousness at home and buy a limited quantity from a store or a caterer”.

Five year old Kiyara plays pallankuzhi with her mother, Roopali and a friend every weekend

Meena Radhakrishnan’s sons and their cousin

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Cupertino, CA, USA. “Cupertino has a very high Indian population. It is a very busy time for all the South-Indian ladies, during Navaratri, going out nearly every day to each other's houses for kolu' By the end of Navaratri, I swore not to eat sundal for the rest of the year!”

Non-Resident Indians embrace tradition with great fervour. Many are disappointed with the previous generation for not properly inculcating tradition in them right from childhood.

Meena Radhakrishnan says, “We have always celebrated festivals, but took them for granted. We never understood the symbolism or significance nor did our parents or elders bother to explain them.

The focus was on fun - fireworks, sweets, meeting relatives and friends. We now celebrate the traditions with a deeper sense of appreciation and understanding. Also, I suppose, we as uprooted desis, have a fear of raising ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis).”

Aparna's friends' circle celebrates Halloween with a potluck meal and all the children in the apartment complex go ‘trick-or-treat’ing. She also ensures that her children celebrate Indian festivals with equal fervour. “Whether they follow it or not as adults is left to them - we have to do our best to provide exposure to our Indian values and culture. This will set their bandwidth when it comes to ‘westernisation’,” she says.

Rather than doing time-consuming rituals, Meena Radhakrishnan, shares with her three sons, the significance and what can be imbibed from the festivals. Some

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Ruchi BhayaniRuchi Bhayani married into a Jain family, and went on to willingly follow all the customs and traditions of the religion. She says, “I married Vikas for love. He is very religious and very strong on the principles of the Jain religion. Before committing ourselves to the relationship, he was very particular that I accept his religion. He was very logical about it. He did not impose anything but made me understand a lot of things. Following the Jain tradition was made easy because Vikas and I share a superb rapport.”

Ruchi lives with her husband, her

daughters, her in-laws and her grandmother-in-law. She ensures that her daughters are inculcated into the Jain tradition. For this, she learns first. “I know the basics and my husband also supports me. We have made sure that my elder daughter recites the basic 'shloks' every night before bed. Seeing her, my second one also joins her hands together,” she says.

Ruchi’s entire family makes it a point to visit the temple on Sundays. In addition, on Saturdays, Ruchi's elder daughter voluntarily visits the temple with her grandmother and great grandmother for an hour in the morning, when the ‘mandal’ sings devotional songs. Ruchi says, “When her grandmother was away in the US, my daughter continued to accompany her great grandmother to the temple every Saturday and also slept beside her at noon to keep her company.” While the annual festival of

Paryushan is considered the most sacred period of the year where each day is dedicated to a special characteristic of the Jain religion, Ruchi's family also celebrates Rakshabandhan to promote bonding among cousins and the close-knit community.

“For Rakshabandhan, we get together with my late grandfather-in-law's four brothers and their families. The families of each of these four brothers take turns in celebrating Rakshabandhan every year. All the brothers of my father-in-law's generation and all the brothers of my husband's generation stand in line and are tied 'rakhis'. If the sisters are not there, they send the 'rakhis' so that other sisters can tie them. We order idli-vada, pongal, chutney, coffee and tea from Welcome Hotel and have it for breakfast. Thanks to this, my children will understand family values, family bonding, and relationships,” she says.

Dona KonidenaWhen Dona Konidena, who lives in Jakarta, enrolled for an international yoga teacher's training course in Chennai, she was in for a paradigm shift. “It is amazing to see people from different parts of the world coming to India to learn our culture and traditions. This country has so much to give and as Indians, we do not utilise it. We take our traditions for granted.”

Dona is a Bengali married to a Telugu Brahmin. She has been celebrating Ganapati Pooja for the last nine years, and considers it to be very special. “This pooja is a tradition in my husband's family and being the daughter-in-law, I

want this to be carried forward. I understand that it promotes closeness between my husband and son. I would not want my child to be deprived of this blessing from his father. It's a rare occasion when they actually sit in front of the idol and do a pooja.

“Last year, for a short stint, I had some work in Hyderabad while my family remained in Jakarta. During Ganesh Chaturthi, I picked up an eco-friendly clay Ganesha from Hyderabad and took it to Jakarta. We did the pooja, kept the Ganesha for five days and on my return to Hyderabad, I immersed the idol in the Tank Bund,” she says.

Not only are the Konidena children

following

the

traditions

of their

paternal

family,

they are

also

imbibing

the

customs of their mother's family. Dona

says, “Durga Pooja and Mahashivratri

are part of the Bengali culture. My

husband's family does not follow these,

but I carry on that tradition from my

mother's side. For my children, it is not

about two cultures coming together - this

is our family culture!”

TwoWomen, ManyTraditions

Meet Ruchi and Dona, two women who are so different in the way they celebrate tradition or evolve their family culture, but so unanimous in their approach in bringing the family together, using tradition as a cornerstone.

Ruchi Bhayani’s children and their cousins

Dona Konidena and her family


SignificanceWhy do we display dolls during a Navaratri festival?

Raji Monisha Cherian says, “The practice of

having a doll kolu during Navaratri had its origin in the ancient

agricultural economy, where dolls were made from the clay from

riverbeds to encourage dredging and desilting.

Why is an oil bath important on festival days?

“Our ancestors had a logic about the oil bath on Deepavali day.

The body is heated up with all the sweets (glucose) we have

consumed. We have an oil bath to cool our system. Before the

traditional oil bath we are fed vethalai (betel leaf) and anointed

with manjal (turmeric). Betel Leaf is a digestive and lines the

stomach’s defense mechanism. Turmeric reduces the intensity in

case of burns because of firecrackers. Also, since we South

Indians burst crackers at 3 a.m., an oil bath ensures we take a

nap soon after lunch,” Raji says.

Why are gifts exchanged during Christmas?

Being married into the Christian faith, Raji

also says, “Christmas tree gifts encourage the act of giving. This

also teaches the child to learn to wait for something he

desperately wants and how to value a gift”.

Why do people fast during Ramzan?

Sahar says that fasting during Ramzan is a lesson

in the importance of food. “After 30 days of fast, you come to

discover the feelings of a person who cannot have food, or who is

left with not even a drop of water to drink. You

understand how lucky or blessed you are that

you are not only getting 3 meals a day, but

you also get very good, tasty food. At that

time, if you see the importance of food, you

will not take it for granted”.

If you want to know more about any particular

cultural or religious tradition, it is best to

ask an elder in the family. India is a

multi-cultural land and just as

languages and dialects changes

every 100 kilometres, so do the

traditions and interpretations of

the traditions. The Internet may

not always have all the answers!

going that extra mileThere are so many ways to instill tradition in our children. The way to do it is only limited by the extent of our imagination.

Priya Srikanth, for instance, tries to

do a different theme every year for the Navaratri display. “One year, I made a model of Mount Kailash depicting the story of Lord Ganesha and Lord Muruga going around the world. I also make it a point to put up a chart explaining it so that the children who visit will also learn the story,” she says.

The Internet is an immense source of information and everything from history to rituals is available in English and most Indian languages. Aparna says, “It is easy to explain the significance of festivals to our children. Often, the priest tends to explain the significance of the pooja in English, step-by-step. It does take longer, but it's really worth the time as the entire family gets to understand it. I also love the fact that Satyanarayana 'Kathas' are read in English.

“During festivals, it also helps to get children to participate in an activity – be it painting, drawing competitions, or reading a shloka – it makes it more interesting and interactive for them”.

In our efforts to involve children in learning about tradition, we forget that we too have a lot to learn. Nithya Madhavan raises a valid point. “Since our generation keeps saying that we do not have time, we are neither following nor learning traditions. We have to find the time for this. Our elders know plenty, but not enough people in our generation are getting that information from them. We only have to ask them and they will be happy to share what they know”.

Meena Radhakrishnan has some simple advice for families when it comes to tradition. “We need to take the time to slow down, shut-off all technology, including TV and cell phones and truly enjoy these festivals first. Then, if we take the time to share its significance with the children, it could go a long way forward in getting them to appreciate and continue these traditions,” she says. n

SARITHA RAO RAYACHOTI IS A FREELANCE WRITER.

special

Nine year old Calvin and his parents catch up with a game of chess on Saturdays

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Navaratri (or the nine-night festival of the Goddess Durga) is a much awaited festival in Tamil Nadu and

is loved for the sheer colour of its celebrations. The bommai kolu or the doll exhibition hosted in many homes as part of the tradition, is the key highlight. Women and children gather together at their creative best to set up the Kolu, which consists of steps in odd numbers. Gods and folk dolls of various hues and colours are arranged together in a meaningful way. Many of these kolus even have specific themes and the display revolves around that theme.

The legend goes that the buffalo-headed Asura (demon) Mahishasura, vanquished the Devas (demigods) and became lord of the heavens. The tormented Devas headed by Brahma approached Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva and sought shelter under them. From the angry faces of Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma, great lights issued forth that combined with the lights emanating from the bodies of all the Devas. From this combined light emerged a female form of great beauty. The Gods and Devas presented the Devi (Goddess) with jewels and weapons drawn from their own weapons. The mountain Himavat presented her with a Lion to ride on. This powerful Devi, giving out a loud roar, easily defeated Mahishasura and came to be known as Mahishasuramardini. Later when she destroyed the demon Durg, she was worshipped as Durga.

During Navaratri, the Goddesses Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswathi are allotted three days of worship each ‘to remove the demons of the mind’, for peace and prosperity and for the acquisition of knowledge. Ayudha pooja (the worship of all tools, gadgets and implements) is also performed on the ninth day, while Vijayadasami signals an auspicious beginning to new learning.

Different sects follow different traditions in the state. For example, the Kalasham (the traditional metal or mud pot decorated

NavaratriCelebrationsAcross India

Shashwathi Sandeep

roots


with coconut and mango leaves) is kept on the topmost step by some families after a ceremonial worship. Others, who worship the kalasham everyday, place it on the bottom step for convenience. Families who have missed out other festivals (for example, Varalakshmi Vratham – a Lakshmi Pooja) observe it during Navaratri. Some communities, light the holy lamp made of sweetened rice flour at this time. Still others do Sumangali Pooja or Kanya pooja every evening depending on their capacity. Others believe that Durga is seated atop a needle and therefore tailors take a break from work!

Traditions and celebrations relating to Durga abound elsewhere in the country. Some of the well-known ones are listed below.

GUJARAT In Gujarat, devotees believe that Lord Rama was fighting Ravana for nine days before the latter was killed on the tenth day. During the celebrations, the people dance the Garba and Dandiya Raas (traditional dances of the state) all through the nine nights into the early hours of the morning.

Goddess Durga whose picture is kept on top of a mud pot is invoked and the devotees dance around her. “Lord Rama prayed to the different forms of Mataji on all the nine days, which is what we also do. Then the celebrations start,” says Pooja Bhatt, a Gujarati living in Chennai. Some devotees observe fasts. All wear colourful clothes.

MYSORE In Mysore, the people keep Kolu at home. According to the palace tradition, on the first day, the immediate members of the royal family of Wodeyars (who still live in a portion of the palace allotted by the state) worship the Goddess Chamundeshwari made of pure gold, in a private ceremony.

During the nine days, the palace is completely lit up and kutcheries (classical music concerts) are held every day. There

is also an exhibition held behind the palace, where food and game stalls are put up, somewhat similar to the fairs held of yore for the visiting villagers.

During Vijayadasami, gun shots are fired to signal the start of the procession of the ‘golden’ Goddess from the palace. An elephant carrying the golden chariot with the idol walks with great fanfare. The chariot is made of 720 kgs of pure gold. The elephant Balarama, weighs about 4610 kgs and is 53 years old. “Interestingly, it always rains a little on this day, signifying that the Gods who are watching from above are pleased and are showering their blessings” explains Deepthi Ranga, a resident of Mysore.

GOA In Ponda, located in North Goa, all the temples and not just the Durga temple, do a ghatasthapana (setting up of the ceremonial pot) on the first day. A Navadurga puja is done. The Saptashati, a collection of 700 slokas on Goddess Durga, are recited in all the temples and a Nanda Deep (a lamp which burns continuously during the festival) is also lit.

The idol of the Goddess Durga is kept outside the sanctum sanctorum on a swing. During the nine days of festivities, the idol takes the nine forms of the Goddess. Each day after the pooja, she is taken out in a procession.

A new garland is offered to the Goddess each day, but the old garlands are not removed. In some of the temples, the number of new garlands offered to the Goddess sequentially increases – one on the first day, two on the second day and so on till the ninth day, when the garlands are distributed as Prasad. Hari Kirtans are held in all the temples in the evenings. The devotees are expected to visit all the temples in the area as part of the tradition during the festival.

A Chandi Havan is done on the ninth day in all the temples. On the tenth day, the leaves of the Apte tree, considered to be the equivalent of gold, are exchanged

among the people after the puja. “The rituals we follow in Goa are quite unique. The whole city wears a festive spirit for the nine days,” said Shreekumar Sarjyotishi, Priest at the Shantadurga Devi Devasthan, Kavale.

BENGAL The festivities begin on the sixth day. But on the first day, prayers are offered to Ma Durga and the Chandi Paat is recited early in the morning. Bengalis buy new clothes and jewellery for the family and also gift clothes to others.

Durga Pooja is not a household pooja, but a community pooja. That is why the Pandals are put up and people join together and celebrate the festival. Bengalis believe that Goddess Durga came to her mother’s place only on the fifth day and that is when the first pooja is performed. “That is the time when the eyes of the Goddess are given to her, they are opened and she comes to life; until then, she is just a mud statue. On that day, Khichdi is offered to her as neivedyam,” says Papri Sriraman, a Bengali resident of Chennai, and a journalist.

From the sixth day onwards, flower offerings (Pushpanjali) are made to the Goddess and the day’s fast is broken at noon. On all these days, Bhog (Meal) is prepared by the entire community together. Various stalls are put up, and theatre festivals are held, much like a carnival.

On the eighth day, many of the devotees offer saris and even jewellery to the Goddess. On the tenth day, the women follow a special ritual. They put Kumkum on the Goddess’s forehead and on each other’s forehead. They offer sweets to the Goddess and to each other.

“After this function, the Goddess is taken out on a procession and immersed in the river or the sea. This is to symbolise that she is leaving for her husband’s place,” says Pratima De, an 82-year-old from Bengal. n


When parents are asked, “What do you want most for your child?”, the most common responses are

Self-discipline, Honesty, Responsibility and Independent-thinking. The irony is that when we raise our children, our own actions do not reflect this. In fact, the methods that we use to discipline our children seldom promote what most of us would like for our children, which is self-discipline or true inner discipline.

We believe in many myths regarding discipline. Let me elaborate.

Discipline means obedience

When we see a child who does as he is told, we smile and

appreciate his obedience. Does obedience equal discipline? To obey someone, actually requires a person to completely quell his own thoughts and follow another’s orders, regardless of his own opinion. The reason why a child is willing to obey you is either out of fear, or a desire to please, or a deep conditioning that the adult figure ‘knows best’. An

obedient child makes life

encourage acknowledgment of the error by the child, or an understanding and acceptance of the true reason behind the disciplining. As a result, to avoid our disapproval and punishment, she may even begin to lie.

Rewards are a form of positive discipline

If punishment has so many

adverse effects, then surely reward is a

much better way to motivate or subtly

discipline children? Not really. Punishment

and reward are just two sides of the same

coin. That coin, as we saw earlier, does

not buy very much.

Every parent knows that a reward can

quickly get a child to obey. So we use

these all day, every day – from the

smallest to the biggest task. “If you get

ready soon, I will buy you chips”, “If you

finish your dinner/ homework, you can

watch TV”. We justify this by saying that

the child has to be ‘motivated’. Children

are indeed ‘motivated’ to do these things

for the reward – and not because they

know that these are things which have to

be done. They are not disciplined enough

to complete the tasks on hand.

For example, if you promise to reward

your child with a bike for doing well in his

exams, he may work hard and get good

marks (hopefully without cheating).

However, in the process, he has been

robbed of the invaluable lesson of the

importance of doing well for his own

sense of achievement. In fact,

subconsciously, many of us believe that

the child has no motivation to do well

without a reward. Because of the quick fix

results that rewards give, children do not

realise that getting ready on time for

school, doing home work, putting away

so much easier for us. Take the example of children near crystal objects. The child sees a lovely glass ornament that is shiny and attractive. His brain tells him to touch it and learn more about it. As he leans forward to pick it up, his mom shouts “Don’t touch that!” Repeated verbal instructions and scolding make him obey without understanding why. The mother has just trained the child to obey her at the cost of ignoring his own instinct.

As he grows older, adults are replaced by peers. His parents then ask him, “Why can’t you think for yourself? If your friend tells you to jump into the well, will you?!” They hardly realize that they have spent his entire childhood conditioning him for precisely this. As parents, we have to understand the need behind the child’s behaviour so that we can meet those needs and not make him obey blindly.

Punishment or scolding is necessary to teach children the right way

Punishing your child deters him from repeating the offending behaviour for a short while. Through threats and punishment, we can get a child to do what we want. But we must also realize why he is not repeating this offending behaviour. It is mostly because he wants to avoid getting punished. He has still not understood that it is the not right thing to do and hence should not repeat it. Take the case of the child who keeps her toys in place in her own house for fear of punishment. But in her friend’s place, this very same girl just runs away leaving the toys lying around without any care. This child has not truly developed the qualities of orderliness for its own sake.

Punishment comes from a position of authority that the parent has. It does not

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toys, etc. are things that need to be done simply because it is a responsibility.

What then is the alternative?If there are so many pitfalls in these ways of disciplining, then why do we continue using them? It is our own conditioning and the quick results that these methods provide. We function on an auto pilot mode, following whatever we had experienced in our childhood and that which ‘works’ for us.

The second and the most important reason are the assumptions that we have of our children. We think that if we do not constantly correct them, they will never learn.

To look at discipline in a new way, we have to first understand what we mean when we say that we want our child to be disciplined. Do we want him to be an individual who has his own set of values, who is a responsible human being, and is honest and true and to himself?

Once we are clear on this, we then need to reflect on our role as parents. Should we badger and beat our children into a shape that has been chosen by us or just walk alongside them and be their guide in whatever their heart desires?

Finding alternatives is a journey of exploration that each one of us must undertake. When one road is blocked, another will definitely open up. Dialogue, problem solving, listening and speaking respectfully, being mindful of the needs of the child - these are the paths we need to tread. The result is then a wonderful relationship, where a child believes in himself and has the discipline to achieve all that he dreams of. n

Next issue: If punishment or reward are not the answers, then what should a parent do?

ParentsSpeakMrinalini Ponappa Banerjea - a mother of a nine year old boy and four year old girl

“When I found that I had a choice to deal with discipline in a different way, I became more balanced. I did not feel the need to shout or scold. As my children have no fear of punishment, they own up to their mistakes. They deal with them, make amends and move on. They are encouraged to hold on to their own ideas and thoughts and are on the way to becoming independent thinking individuals. “

Sujata Dewaji - Mother of a 13 year old boy and 15 year old girl

Not using external forms of control proved to be beneficial, as it has opened up communication channels between my children and me. We have discussions for better understanding and cooperation between us. We have developed mutual trust and respect for one another and amicably arrive at solutions - be it in the usage of mobile, internet, and phone or in the planning of their work schedules.

KESANG MENEZES IS A FACILITATOR WITH

PARENTING MATTERS, AN ORGANISATION THAT

CREATES FORUMS FOR PARENTS TO SHARE

AND DISCUSS THEIR CONCERNS REGARDING

PARENTING AND RECEIVE INPUTS ON

PARENTING SKILLS.

Suggested Reading These books would help you discover alternative ways of discipline:

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Discipline That Works by Thomas Gordon

Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon

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As paediatric practitioners, we have observed that 50% of our out-patients come in with Respiratory Infections.

Earlier, for medical practitioners, the airway was divided into upper and lower airways. The portion from nostril to larynx was considered as upper airway and the trachea and the lungs formed the lower respiratory passages.

The new concept is the ‘One way air disease’. It is considered that most of the upper airway diseases later lead to lower airway diseases. For example Sinusitis and Allergic Rhinitis often lead to Asthma.

Upper Respiratory InfectionsThe most common upper respiratory infections are:

• Common cold • Sore throat- Tonsillitis • Sinusitis • Middle ear infections • FB (Foreign Body) aspirations. This generally happens when you draw in some foreign body when you breathe. • FB (Foreign Body) in the nose/ear • Inhalation or ingestion of kerosene • Viral group

• Stridor (A harsh, high pitched sound when you breathe in or out)

CAUSES

• Exposure to Respiratory pathogens (viruses) within the family, crowded places and day care centres • Exposure to Pollutants/Passive smoking • Environmental factors, leading to allergies • Genetic • Lack of breast feeding

Common cold (Rhinopharyngitis) causes inflammation of the nose

Lower Respiratory InfectionsThe lower respiratory infections are also known as Chest Infections.

These comprise of • LTB: (Laryngotracheabronchitis) commonly known as croup, is an infection of the larynx, windpipe, and bronchia. It is characterised by a barking cough. • Bronchitis: Inflammation of the main passages of the lungs. • Bronchiolitis: Swelling and mucus build-up in the smallest air passages in the lungs. The presence of these conditions depends on age, affected person, and the part of the body affected.

CAUSES • Both Virus and Bacteria cause Lower Respiratory Infection • Mycoplasma (bacteria like organism that lacks cell walls), can also lead to atypical Pneumonia • Inhaled Foreign Body • Other causes which mimic respiratory infections, known as

differential diagnosis are Asthma, Pneumothorax (Collapsed lung), Cardiac causes, Gastro Oesophagial Reflux

SYMPTOMS • Fever • Evidence of previous Upper Respiratory Tract Infection • Cough or difficulty in breathing, audible wheeze • Rapid Respiratory Rate • Grunting in severe cases • Feeding difficulties • Difficulty in speech

TREATMENT According to the condition, age of the child and severity of symptoms, fluid, antibiotics or Nebulization is administered to the child.

Any child that shows signs of recurrent respiratory infections lasting for more than 3 weeks, where their nutrition intake also reduces and if the child has been exposed to persons with chronic cough, Tuberculosis should also be considered, since TB is widely prevalent in our country.

health circle

Dr Santha Narayanan


AsthmaAsthma is a chronic condition of the lungs, manifested by the inflammation and tightening of the airways. It results in shortness of breath, chest tightness and wheezing/coughing. It is caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

CAUSES

• Viral infections predominant in 40% cases • Food allergy - Difficult to prove. Grapes, Banana, Citrus fruits, Fried foods, Tomato, Ice cream and Chocolates • Pollen and Moulds (7.5%) • House dust, Cold air, Passive smoking, Cockroach, Debris, Cologne spray, Mosquito coil smoke (6.3%) • Pets - Mainly dog’s saliva, dander, allergens from cat urine • Exercise induced asthma - 55% of children, more often in males • Temperature changes - poorly tolerated by asthmatics

• Air Pollution - Oxides of Nitrogen, Sulfur dioxide, particulate matter produce airway inflammation.

Often, a nocturnal cough may be the sole symptom of asthma. Still, the doctor should be able to come to a conclusion after a detailed diagnosis and assessment related to the chest condition.

Three types of Asthma that exist among children: • Recurrent wheezing in early childhood, primarily triggered by common viral infections of the respiratory tract • Chronic asthma with allergy that persists into later childhood and adulthood • Asthma also typically emerges in obese females and with the early onset (by 11 years of age) of puberty.

There is a cough variant of Asthma, characterised by a dry cough which lasts for 6-8 weeks. It occurs at any time of the day, wakes one up at night and worsens during exercise.

TREATMENT Different modes of treatment exist which you need to be aware of, so as to provide your child with the right kind of treatment. Relievers and Controllers Relievers give immediate relief and Controllers are taken for a longer time. These are mostly inhalants administered through asthma inhalers. Oral Medications These should be given for a short period of time only. Nebulizers A popular medication, Nebulizers make a mist of water and asthma medicine that is breathed in. They are not recommended for regular use, since the oxygen saturation has to be normal before using the nebulizer.

PRECAUTIONS to evade that asthma attack 1. Clean the house at least once a week and wear a mask while cleaning. 2. Avoid pets with fur or feathers. 3. Clean the bedding, sheets,

pillow cases and mattress pads regularly. 4. Encase the mattress, pillows and box springs in dust proof covers. 5. Replace bedding made of foam/cotton with synthetic material. 6. Consider replacing upholstered furniture with leather or vinyl. 7. Consider replacing carpeting with hard wood floors/tiles. 8. Use air conditioners for dust free rooms. 9. Maintain the humidity in the house at optimum levels. 10. Work closely with your doctor to decide what your treatment goals are and how to achieve them.

Recognising danger • Increased pulse rate • Increased respiratory rate • Difficulty in talking • Inability to stand up and walk • Confusion and drowsiness n

and pharynx. Symptoms include discharge from the nose, sneezing, a painful throat, difficulty in swallowing and fever of moderate to high degree. Colds are common in the child’s first year and is prevalent among children 1-6 years of age.

Sore throat (Tonsillitis) is a condition in which the tonsils become swollen and red, with or without white patches. Fever, swollen neck glands and difficulty in swallowing are all signs of tonsillitis. It is found

in children between 4-7 years of age.

Sinusitis is an inflammation of the sinuses, which are air filled cavities in the skull. This problem is found in children over 2 years of age and is characterised by stuffy or runny nose, slight fever, cough, pain over the sinuses, headache and lack of appetite.

Middle ear infections are inflammations of the middle ear. There may be a pus or fluid within the middle ear cavity depending on the

severity. It is characterised by pain in the ear, redness of ear drum, perforation (thin hole) of the ear drum, fever and vomiting. This is common in children up to 7 years of age.

Upper Respiratory Infections are the leading cause of sickness in children leading to absenteeism from school. Since most of the infections are viral, there is no need for antibiotics. Only if secondary infection with bacterial pathogen occurs, appropriate antibiotics are to be given,

according to the weight of the child.

PREVENTION

• Improve your child’s immunity by providing a healthy and balanced diet.

• Give Influenza and Pneumococcal vaccinations.

• Provide rest and adequate amount of fluids.

• Provide vitamins and nutritional supplements.

• Wash hands often. • Limit contact with people exposed to the illness.

DR SANTHA NARAYANAN IS A

PRACTISING PAEDIATRICIAN

FROM CHENNAI


Rangashree Srinivas

The average Indian grows up surrounded by relatives. Every family has an elderly head who is propitiated when an

important family event takes place.

Grandparents not very long ago, were also important decision makers. The dynamics have shifted significantly with the onset of nuclear families and geographical distances separating the grandparents from their children and grandchildren.

What is the role of an elder in the family today? When we look at some urban families, we find that grandparental roles vary from being primary care givers to-seldom-seen-long-distance relatives. And everything in-between!

ONE BIG FAMILYWith both parents working, the best care for children can come only from grandparents. If the grandparents are willing and fit, these parents can consider themselves blessed. Uma Maheswari, Senior Associate - HR, Ford, is very happy in her joint family set-up. Her family (husband Vinoth, two children Tharika, 4 1/2 years and Reya, 6 months old) and her brother-in-law’s family (spouse and a new-born) all live together with her parents-in-law. The grandparents J Kasturi and Jayaraman are 63 years old, enjoy good health and love children!

She says “My parents-in-law are both educated and very systematic in their habits. This ensures a clean and

a tribute to

What children need most

are the essentials that

grandparents provide in

abundance. They give

unconditional love,

kindness, patience, humour,

comfort, lessons in life.

And, most importantly,

cookies.

RUDOLPH GIULIANI

grandparents!101 year old Janaki Ammal enjoys a game of carrom with her great grandson Sharan, his mother and his grandmother.

cover story

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disciplined environment for my children”. Uma is out working from 7.45 a.m until 8.30 p.m. At home, she ensures that the homework is done, and that the uniforms and shoes of the children are in place. Tharika’s grandparents wake her up, bathe and feed her and get her ready for school. Her grandfather takes her by cycle to school. “She enjoys the ride and my father-in-law says that he gets his work-out! They both know the children’s likes and dislikes and ensure that they have a happy environment”.

On the flip side, there are issues like controlling the upbringing of the children. For instance, Uma has recently objected to the number of presents being showered on them. She feels that the children will take these gifts for granted and will not appreciate their value. Little Tharika for instance,says, “Daddy does not get me anything, only Chithapa (dad’s younger brother) does.”

Uma also feels that Tharika should learn to complete her home-work on her own with the elders only guiding her. If the child exhibits a reluctance to write, my mother-in-law would rather that I grab her hand and make her write.

“The adults in any family should make sure that everyone is valued for what they are,” says Uma. For example, her mother-in-law would always highlight people’s complexions as fair or dark. While Tharika and Reya are both fair complexioned, the other family members

are rather dusky. One day Tharika commented that her grandma was brown. This upset the older lady. Uma used this opportunity to explain to both her daughter and mother-in-law, that such physical attributes were God-given and should be accepted as a gift. “Tharika has taken this so much to heart that she even refuses to call coffee brown,” laughs Uma.

Uma, on her part takes care not to converse with her daughter in English at home, as her in-laws are not very conversant in the language. “I do not want the children to think that their grandparents are in any way less knowledgeable than us,” she says.

CONNECTING WITH GRANDCHILDREN

Senior management consultant MS Jayaraman (70) and his self-help consultant and writer wife Rukmani Jayaraman (63) are erudite grandparents of Gitika, 10 years and Dhriti, 7 years. They feel an inexplicable disconnect with their granddaughters, who live in Singapore. They blame it on a lack of exposure to home culture and language. Though the grandparents are extremely fluent in English, they find it difficult to talk about their own childhood stories in an alien language. In Jayaraman’s home-office, the words are boldly written –‘Teach Dhriti Tamil!’

Jayaraman also says “The mythological tales we accepted without question are hard for today’s children to digest. I have to tone down the violence a great deal.” When he told them that Lakshmana scraped Soorphanakha’s nose just a wee bit because he was angry, Gitika retorted ‘That’s not a nice thing to do’. “How does

one argue with that?”, he asks.

At the same time, the Jayaramans are full of

admiration for the grandchildren’s intelligence, quick grasp and creativity!8

Bridging the gap

what grandparents, parents and grandchildren can do

GRANDPARENTS 4Take interest in your grandchildren’s

interests.

4Develop your own interests and try to

involve your grandchildren in them

without forcing them.

4If you have to take care of your

grandchildren, work in tandem with their

parents. Discuss ahead and resolve

differences of opinion.

4Focus on the positive and keep your

sense of humour.

4Avoid isolation. Make an effort to

maintain friendships, even if it is only by

telephone.

PARENTS 4Openly acknowledge the

grandparents’ support in raising

your children.

4Treat the elderly with respect and

patience. Your children will follow suit

4Include grandparents in family fun.

4Discuss family issues and allow them

to air their views. Their rich experience

may give you a new perspective.

4Encourage and facilitate the elderly to

develop their own interests and

social circles.

GRANDCHILDREN 4Spend at least 10 minutes quality time

with your live-in grandparents every day.

4Insist on visiting grandparents living

elsewhere, every fortnight/ every

quarter/ every year depending on

the distance.

4Keep in touch through letters and

phone calls.

4Share your ideas and interests

with grandparents.

4Encourage them to be as active as

possible, depending on their state of

health. Every now and then, involve

them in outdoor activities that

you enjoy.

Reya and Tharika with their grandparents



Apurva with grandfather Indira Parthasarathy

teen you &

The children love art and Rukmani involves them in little projects like making a birthday booklet filled with poems and drawings. They also enjoy doing puzzles together.

GRANDPARENTS AND TECHNOLOGY

Sahitya Akademi and Padma Shri awards winner, writer Indira Parthasarathy has been acclaimed for his path-breaking contribution to contemporary Tamil theatre through his plays. His short story Nayakan, later made into an award

winning short film, is a heart-warming tale of a grandfather, granddaughter and her stuffed toy, a Dalmatian puppy.

He recounts a poignant anecdote reflecting the status of senior citizens. He visited an old age home on the outskirts of Chennai a few years ago to check it out. Walking through the silent, pristine corridors of the home for affluent elders, he was astonished to hear the cry of a child emanating from an open doorway. Thinking that the inmate had visitors, he peeped in. His host led him inside the apartment, and Indira Parthasarathy was shocked to find an old man in his 90s enjoying a video of a crying child. Apparently, all ‘family scenes’ had been recorded for him by his son on videos. The old man said, “I can talk to my son anytime. See, he is never busy for me,” and played a video of his son greeting him. He even had videos of family quarrels, says Indira Parthasarathy. “In a technological society, emotions and sentiments are technologically resolved,” he observes.

There are grandparents who are willing to embrace technology. They prefer to learn from their grandchildren as their own children do not have the time to teach them. Many grandparents become adept at internet surfing and sending emails, even in the local language.

Rukmani Jayaraman is genuinely amazed at Gitika’s speed on the computer. Her seven year old sister, Dhriti is even

Teenagers have such a reputation for being difficult. Most of the time, when teenagers seek an ear, they want a sounding board, not solutions.

SO, JUST LISTEN and empathise... Share similar experiences but only if they ask you.

AVOID CRITICISING the child’s appearance or dress. You may not like or approve of your teenage grandchild’s manner of dressing, hair style or body ornamentation such as tattooing, but stay mum. The parents may not have a problem with the issue, or they are unable to control it. Your criticism will be unwelcome by your children and your grandchildren.

TEENAGERS IDENTIFY themselves completely with their friends. When you respect their friends and speak well about them, the bond between you and your grandchild strengthens.

DO LEARN SOMETHING about their world...Take interest in the activities they enjoy. Even if you are not able to play tennis with them, you may at least take time off and watch them play or talk about the latest Wimbledon or the US open with them.

FEED THEM. Teenagers love to eat, and eating together can be a bonding experience. Cook for them if you like to cook.

ALLOW GRANDCHILDREN to help you. Offer a suggestion such as, "How about setting the table while I make the salad?" It's especially gratifying to your teen if he can help you learn to do something, like downloading music or playing a video game.

ASK YOUR GRANDCHILDREN to play some of their favourite music for you and explain why they like it. You may be surprised to find that you like it as well. Rock is still the favoured genre for all groups. The Beatles and the Rolling Stones are popular among all age groups. So while Coldplay may leave you cold, you may still be able to find some areas of agreement in the oldies category.

Rukmani Jayaraman is a grandmother and consultant at TT Ranganathan Clinical Research

Foundation, Chennai. She has written several self help books for the foundation.

The

The Jayaramans with grand daughters Gitika and Dhriti

cover story


quicker! “I love watching them because I see how quickly they learn from the computer, how much they love the process and how marvellous their tiny brains are.

Learn from them little things like SMS - ing on your mobile or smarter googling! Or if you have an iPod, ask your grandchildren to show you how to use its little known features. They show you how much fun it can be and soon you’ll be the one shouting My turn!,” she says.

VISITING BUNDLE OF JOY

Tax lawyer Rohini and Senior Journalist R Mohan are grandparents who enjoy three-year-old Lasya’s regular visits from Bengaluru to be with them. Since Lasya is bundled off to Chennai on most school holidays, she has learnt to programme her little mind to be away from amma and appa for that duration. Of course, she loves all the adoring attention her grandparents shower on her, but the minute amma comes to pick her up, she turns away from her grandparents.

“She is a very level headed child and an absolute angel when she is with us. We take her swimming, read her stories and she loves conversing with the birds on the

tree outside our window. Her home in Bengaluru is in a concrete jungle, so here she communes with nature,” says Rohini.

PASSING DOWN THE BATON

Indira Parthasarathy inculcated a habit of reading in his granddaughter Apurva (16), who lived in the opposite apartment.

“Grandparents should have the advantage of a retired life to enjoy the grandchildren’s childhood,” says Indira Parthasarathy. “I used to read aloud a lot of stories to Apurva from the time she was very young from the Ramayana, Mahabharatha, Valley Tales, and even Shakespeare’s works. I would create a medley of all these tales to tell her. I would take her to book exhibitions. She is a voracious reader even today, though I find her reading mostly Vampire stories, ” he chuckles. “I am happy to note that she also writes and does well in elocution contests.”

A PILLAR OF SUPPORT

In 2003, when Hema Shankar’s husband passed away unexpectedly at the age of 44 in the US, she was totally shocked. Worried about the future that loomed large and uncertain, and not quite sure about her financial health, she packed up her

bags and returned to India. She remained an emotional wreck for a year.

“My children could come nowhere near me. I would burst into tears when anyone tried to even speak to me. It was my mother who took everything into her hands and managed my family,” recollects Hema.

Pankajam Krishna, Hema’s 73-year-old mother is a remarkable woman. Her life has been one long story of continuous loving, nurturing and learning. Never one to sit idle, she has done courses in Montessori education, special education and holds a post graduate degree – all acquired between raising her three daughters and six grandchildren.

On Hema’s tragic return to India, Pankajam Krishna took 14 year old Abhinav and 10 year old Tarunya under her wings. She soothed their traumatised8

Lasya with her grandparents

Eleven-year-old Maithreyi Sundar, a class VI student of Sishya

in Chennai, loves the two months she gets to spend all by

herself with her 87-year-old grandmother and two doting aunts in

a rural area close to Salem. Every summer she is packed off to

that magical world of stories, delicacies and abundant play time.

Meetu, as she is fondly called, says “My ammumma (maternal

grandmother) and my aunts make sure I am very comfortable. They cook the most

amazing dishes and shower me with undivided attention. They enjoy my poetry. There are

lots of girls in the neighbourhood to play with all day.

My grandma complains that no one talks to her, so I try to spend a lot of time with her.

Since I love history, I enjoy her anecdotes from the freedom struggle which she has

actually witnessed! Isn’t that exciting? We also compare costs of things in those days and

now. She says that when she was a girl, a pencil would cost ‘arai anna’ (about 6 paise!)

Can you imagine that?

I love to explore the old and mysterious rooms in the Salem house. I want to keep going

back there and spend time with ammumma,” exclaims Meetu.

Pankajam Krishna and Kalyanakrishnan with grandchildren on a holiday in Munnar

childspeak


minds, gave them a comfortable home and ensured that their education did not suffer. She took a lot of effort in getting them admitted to good schools in the city, though they had arrived mid-term.

Today, her six grown-up grandchildren are very fond of her and seek her company more than that of their own parents. Living in different parts of the world and India, they somehow find time to visit their grandma in Chennai every year. The grandchildren and grandparents have taken off on fun holidays to Bangkok, Scotland and Munnar.

“They are all so close to her, they confide almost everything to her. It was she who was a bridge between me and my son who was getting a little out of hand when he went overseas for further studies. Now all is well,” sighs Hema with relief.

CHANGING SOCIETY AND GRANDPARENTING

Mina Swaminathan (78) a grandmother, a renowned educationist and a child development expert says, “The dynamics of grandparenting have changed significantly. My children got much less knowledge and information from their grandparents, than I got from mine. Now I

Tribute to a beloved GrandmaDhwani Sabesh, a graduate student in Chennai lost her grandmother recently and

blogs about the irreplaceable loss and the admiration she had for her.

My paati was a fiercely independent woman. We had tried in vain, to get her to live with us, once Thatha had passed on. But she believed in doing everything by herself in spite of her health issues. Her eyesight was failing her, she had a stroke earlier, her rheumatic arthritis troubled her knee, but she still managed to keep her house spic and span. I often used to tell her in jest that I could see my face reflected off her floors!

Ever since the day she had her first stroke, until the morning of May 9th when I saw her breathe her last, I experienced love and grief like never before. As a family, she brought us closer. Every time I sat by her bed and heard her utter a slokam, I believed in a supreme power a little more. She remains even today, in that bowl of rasam, that particular dosa and in our hearts. Paati, I miss you”.

would say that my grandchildren are getting even less from me! So we have to make a greater effort to connect with our grandchildren.

In this changing society, the sources of information and knowledge are not required to be handed down as before. Information can be acquired from different sources.We learnt cooking from our grandmothers, they told us stories. Now you can get that from varied sources like books, TV and the internet.

People forget that the elderly remain individuals foremost, with their own interests and skills. Unfortunately, they are no longer needed and they turn to TV serials to ward off loneliness. This addiction further alienates them from their family. They are unable to build their own social circles, because of the limitations of mobility. They live in a kind of limbo in the changing face of society.

On the other hand, grandchildren today, not only have to deal with working mothers, but also with working grandmothers!” quips Mina Swaminathan. “But grandparents who have careers and passions of their own are a happier lot and are able to connect better with their grandchildren.” n

Sudha Narayanan PRINCIPAL, LEARNING TREE

MONTESSORI SCHOOL

For six years now, we have been celebrating ‘Grandparents Day’ on the last Friday of every July. We felt that grandparents who were shouldering most of the parenting responsibilities these days need to be felicitated. It has become a tradition for us now to celebrate this day with special cultural programmes and snacks for the grandparents. They feel very special and this has made the parents very happy too. Of course the children feel very proud to have their grandpas and grandmas visit the school!

cover story


Muralidharan (4 years) shares a special bond

with his grandparents, K R Muralidharan and

K M Jayalakshmi. He was living with his

grandparents until recently. They give him

many toys and books. Murali misses his

grandparents very much as he is not able to

see them on a daily basis. Whenever his thatha

and paati come home, he gets all excited and

lists out the many things he has done

at school.

Rishabh (9 months) and Aryan (7 months) are cousins

who love being with their grandparents K V

Chandran and Shylaja Chandran. Their grandpa takes

them out and plays with them. All the hugs and

kisses though, are reserved for their grandmother.

The grandparents love their company, and find the

house empty and boring if the children are not there.

They are not just grandparents and grandchildren,

but four good friends who miss each other’s

company when they are away from each another.

Muralidharan & his grandparents

Sanjana (12 years) likes solving Math problems and

discussing Science with her Vaidyanathan thatha, while

Vedh (9 years) performs Sandhyavandanam with him. Vedh also helps with his thatha’s puja and cracks jokes with him. Seetha paati teaches them Sanskrit and regales them

with stories.

Vedh, Sanjana & their grandparents

Rishabh, Aryan & their grandparents

cover story


Anandhitha Aravind with her grandmother & parents

For Adithya (16

years), both his

grandmothers,

Prema

Radhakrishna and

Saroj Sabrinath are

very special. They

shower their

affection on him through gifts and anything else

that Adithya likes. His ammumma (Saroj) is his

best friend. She comes down to Chennai to see

him as he cannot leave his pets and visit her in

her hometown.

Anandhitha Aravind (6 years) and her grandmother, Shyamala

Radhakrishnan love playing games together. Anandhitha pretends

to be a teacher, a doctor or even a dentist and her grandmother

becomes the student or the patient. While the grandmother

thinks that her granddaughter is a nice, obedient, intelligent,

beautiful, god fearing and well behaved girl, the granddaughter

feels that her grandmother is beautiful. Anandhitha likes her

paati’s stories and also her ‘spicy rasam.’ She is very friendly and

talks with all the relatives. According to her grandmother,

Anandhitha sings very well and likes reading books.

Adithya & his grandmothers

Prema Saroj

Ramesh Tantry and his wife Geetha adore their three

lovely smart and active grand children - Hrishikesh

(11 years), Prateeksha (9 years) and Dhaksha (14

months). This grandpa feels young, energetic and

enthusiastic whenever he is in the midst of his grand

children and admits that their company brings in

fulfilling moments. When the grandparents

participate in their fun-filled moments of shouting,

crying, dancing and jumping, they feel rejuvenated

and relive the joy of family life.

Hrishikesh, Prateeksha & Dhaksha with their

grandparents & family


Along with our parents, the Guru occupies a key position in our culture, in guiding us towards the absolute truth. Even

today, the teacher as a Guru, should be a para-parent interested in the overall development of the child. Parents too, should consider education as a means to self-development, rather than its attribute to help bag well-paying jobs.

India has a long history of organised education. The guru-shishya system or the gurukulam system that was practised here very actively until a few centuries ago, has been around since the Vedic days, which cannot be dated. Students were taught orally and knowledge was

passed on from one generation to the next. Education was free but students from well-to-do families paid a Gurudakshina, a voluntary contribution after the completion of their studies.

In the Gurukulam system of education, no child was ever rejected or sent away. The child was the centre of every learning activity. Personal attention was given to him, focusing on his physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual strengths - the four pillars of education. Gurus and their shishyas, stayed, dined, played, learnt and worked together, though somewhere during its evolution, the Gurukulam system became largely restricted to boys from the upper castes. This traditional Gurukulam system is no longer being

significant days that celebrate teachers and learningTEACHER'S DAY September 5 The Birth Anniversary of Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan

GURU PURNIMA The full moon day in the Hindu month of Ashad (July-August)

VIJAYADASAMI The tenth day of the Navaratri festival

WORLD TEACHER'S DAY October 5

Rangashree Srinivas

Shobanaa Bhalachandra and her students at Tharanginee Dance School

feature


followed, except in a small way, in the occasional traditional performing arts, dance or music.

THE SHIFT IN THE GURU-SHISHYA TRADITIONChennai abounds with traditional dance and music schools that follow a Guru parampara tradition passed down through generations. Shobanaa Bhalachandra is a danseuse and teacher who comes from a strong lineage of gurus of the calibre of the Dhananjeyans and Kalanidhi Narayan. She comments on the shift in the Guru-shishya relationships, in the traditional teaching of art: “As students, our guru’s home was almost our home, we did all kinds of chores for him and his family. It was a privilege. Today, it is not practical to expect our students to do the same, when they have so many pre-occupations. We used to be in awe of our gurus and feared them, but now the students are like our friends. This approach today, promotes better understanding and learning.”

Shobanaa, in line with the times, ascertains the child’s interest and capability for a few sessions, before formally taking her on as a student. Her defence: “If the child is not naturally inclined, it will be a struggle for her to learn classical dance,” she says.

TODAY’S EDUCATIONAL CULTUREUnlike the Gurukulam system, today’s modern education has completely divorced academic learning from all other forms of learning, like fine arts and social skills. Such lessons are provided at places outside school, after school hours, usually in the mushrooming activity centres. Thus, the education system is missing out on two vital elements - a holistic approach to learning and the building of an inter-personal relationship between the teacher and the student.

In the ‘activity’ centres where several

Unlike other demanding parents, Usha Venkataraman, mother of 10 year old Veena who has been learning Bharathanatyam from Shobanaa Bhalachandra since 2007, is in no hurry for her daughter’s arangetram.

“It will happen when her teacher feels that she is ready”, she says. “Veena was initially reluctant to join dance class. But she was totally taken up with Shoba akka’s warmth. Now she loves learning dance so much, that she never misses a class despite hurdles”.

EVERY CHILD has a favourite teacher - create opportunities for your child to bond better with her. Even if your child outgrows the teacher's class, make it a point to keep in touch

IF YOUR child complains about a teacher or abuses her, take the opportunity to explain to your child about the need to be objective and courteous ; also have an open, friendly discussion with the teacher to understand her better

DISCOURAGE YOUR child from spreading rumours about a teacher or using unsavoury nick names

TELL YOUR child stories from your own childhood, highlighting interesting moments shared with teachers

FIND A special day to appreciate the teacher in a simple manner - like giving her a hand-made card

ENCOURAGE HER to follow your traditional customs in paying respect to teachers with a simple namaskaram before class

classes are held under one roof, teaching is a product susceptible to customer demand. Many of them cater to the needs of parents who just want to ‘keep the child busy’, or ensure that the poor child is ‘stuffed’ with skills! In such places, many teachers fall considerably short of the academic standards. These teachers are themselves under the mercy of the parents, who expect ‘result’ and ‘performance’ as against any excellence in learning!

NURTURING THE STUDENTAs in the Gurukulam tradition, the least that can be done by any educational institution, school or

activity centre, is the nurturing of the student. The parent should abide by this. Swami Suvijnanananda, who in his pre-sanyasa days taught Maths, English and Science for five decades in schools and colleges, says that teaching should not be called a ‘profession’. “Professionals have clients, but a teacher has no clients, only students. A teacher should make eye-contact with every student. He should gently nudge the student into a place where it is impossible not to learn. This should be done with utmost love, patience and care. Students automatically respect a teacher who is knowledgeable and who nurtures them.

“Despite the punitive action by teachers

that was common those days, my

students knew that I truly cared for them. I

would engage them in innovative learning

through cross-country treasure hunts and

mountaineering. Some of my students,

now settled in the US, tell me that what I

had taught them, helps them in their

boardrooms today!” he exclaims. n

parentspeak

Swami Suvijnanananda

EUROKIDSEuroKids International Ltd. is the

leading provider of Preschool educa-

tion in India. This year, Eurokids

celebrates its 10th year anniversary

and has introduced a new approach

to pre-primary education with the

launch of Curriculum Version 5.0.

This curriculum emphasizes on inte-

gration and correlation of content

matter, along with the usage of tech-

nology for instruction. This will

contribute to the comprehensive

overall development of a child.

Started in 2001, EuroKids is India’s

largest preschool chain today with

more than 780 preschools spread

across 280 towns and cities in India.

FIRST STEPFirst Step nursery and preschool

works towards preparing your child

for the next big step, empowering

them with necessary skills and self

confidence. With a child - friendly

atmosphere and a tailor made curric-

ulum, it is designed to mould young

minds by focusing on their motor,

sensory, physical, emotional and

intellectual skills based on the

concept of experiment, experience

and learning.

SA..BUU..3 KIDSAt Sa..Buu..3, children are initiated

into schooling through child - centric,

fun filled and recreational activities

like games, story-telling, singing and

dancing, building and molding and

arts and crafts. The school’s monthly

themes are designed to cater to the

cognitive, motor, language, social

and emotional development of every

child.

KRIYATIVE KIDZKriyative kidz is a fast expanding

preschool chain with an interesting

set of programs for children who are

2 ½ years and above. Its unique

multiple intelligence-based daily

plans and programs are proven to

effective. The preschool chain has

affiliations with various associations

like NAEYC (National Association for

Education of Young Children), NSN

and ASCD.

SEEDWith spacious air-conditioned class

rooms, large outdoor areas, 15

developmental centers, pet zoos,

splash pools and ball pools, the

school provides a safe and nurturing

atmosphere for the children. Seed

offers children a place to explore,

discover and learn about the world

through a time-tested curriculum

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BABY STEPS TO LEARNING

Vijaya Dasami is the last day of the Navaratri festival and is cele-brated all across India in different ways. Vijaya Dasami is also the auspicious day to start formal education. Students keep their books and offer puja to them on the ninth day and start using them from the tenth day.

It is traditional, on Vijaya Dasami, to admit children who are nearing 2 years, to a preschool. This day, the child gets out of the house environment. Many preschools thus start a new batch on this day.

Here we look at some of the preschool offerings and some others offering special courses.


and innovative teaching methods.

Seed offers a variety of programs for

all age groups and is open from 8 am

to 8 pm. With centers in Chennai,

Bangalore, Madurai, and Coimbatore,

Seed is developing its network in all

major cities across India.

XSEEDXseed Preschool seeks a firm foun-

dation for the children. It aims to

create lifelong learners with the true

belief that every child is unique and

special. Xseed preschool is an inte-

gral part of iDiscoveri Education,

which is an innovative social enter-

prise with a vision to transform

India's schools. Led by alumni of

Harvard, IIM, IIT, XLRI, iDiscoveri has

high-quality curriculum, training,

assessment, and on-going-support

capability. Xseed, a path-breaking

and comprehensive solution for

quality teaching and learning in K-12

schools, reaches over 400 schools

across the social spectrum.

BAMBOOLAThe premise is spread across 15,000

sq ft, with 3 large play grounds, air

conditioned class rooms and the

best quality of education. It follows a

1:5 teacher child ratio. Bamboola

play school has a structured syllabus

which covers over 10 topics for the

children through a play way method-

ology. The school also offers full-day

care facilities for working parents. All

the activities are carefully selected

and designed to help the child reach

its maximum potential in an environ-

ment that will stimulate the child’s

language, social, emotional, physical

and reasoning skills.

VAEL’S BILLABONG KANGAROO KIDSVael’s Kangaroo Kids preschools,

Primary Schools and now Billabong

High, were created to fire the imagi-

nation of children from a young age.

The aim is to create a purpose for

learning and allow the children to be

thinkers, innovators and problem

solvers, and to orchestrate experi-

ences resulting in a natural and inte-

grated development of knowledge,

skills and thinking. The vision is to

develop a range of pathways to life-

long learning. The school believes

that all the children should have the

opportunity to experience the joy of

discovery and develop a love of

learning.

THE WONDER YEARS PLAYSCHOOLThe age group of children at this

playschool spans from 10 months to

5 years. The building is facilitated

with air conditioned classrooms, play

stations, A V Room, Sand Pit and

Splash Pool. Regular workshops for

parents are also conducted to help

them overcome any anxiety regard-

ing their child.

MAHAVIDHYASALAMahavidhyasala is a center providing

guidance for children of all ages and

abilities in school subjects and skills

beyond, to succeed in life. The center

strengthens the child’s educational

base and learning pace. They devise

the most appropriate route to

success, catering to children of

different learning abilities, making it

both comfortable and confident

for them.

ALCHEMY KIDSAlchemy Kids Theatre Club (AKTC)

has been actively working with chil-

dren in the area of personality devel-

opment and talent promotion

through theatre, for over 5 years

now. The Theatre Club has till date

trained over 5000 kids in Chennai

and over 1500 kids in Coimbatore.

The age group of children trained at

the center spans from 4 to 15 years.

The Theatre Club has been educat-

ing and entertaining children with

resonant, engaging and exciting

theatre.

Alchemy Kids Theatre Club has asso-

ciated itself with a number of organ-

izations to run short-term camps for

children. Currently, Alchemy Kids

Theatre Club is running an exclusive

Annual Theatre Training Program as

part of the SPA activity for the

students of Vaels Billabong High

International School.

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MATH: go from

Nay to Yay!Previously, we have talked about what we could do

to incorporate math in everyday life. In this article, we will look at how to use manipulatives to teach

math, making it easy and fun to learn math. According to Wiki, “A mathematical manipulative is an object which is designed so that a learner can perceive some mathematical concept by manipulating it. The use of

ToddlersDeveloping Number Sense: For this age group, anything that they can hold with their little fingers, such as grapes and little crackers can serve as a manipulative to learn quantity. The children can be encouraged to feel the number of snacks that they have and take pride in the quantity that they have eaten so far. As an example, you can tell the child, “Here are 3 grapes for you to eat”. Then after he has eaten one you can add, “So you have eaten one grape. Now you have two more left to eat”. You can also use larger items and say: “Bring me two apples” or “Bring me three spoons”.

Learning shapes and grouping: Cutting out shapes in cardstock or coloured construction papers, helps the child in understanding shapes and object comparisons. Sit with the child and have him bring you all the pieces that are similar in shape to the one you are holding in your hand, and you can even mention the shape name. Grouping is thus introduced without the children or parents even realizing it.

PreschoolersThis is a fantastic age to start using manipulatives for teaching math. Simple things like relating every spoonful to their actual age can go a long way in making them understand quantity. For example, when kids refuse to eat, you could say, “How old are you?” and when they reply, use the answer as the number of spoons that they will eat before they say ‘no’ to it.This gives them an idea as to how much quantity is expected from them. Many everyday things can be used as counting tools in this age.These include marbles, buttons, shells, erasers, hard candies, dry beans and old game board coins. Again, shapes can be cut out in different colours and sorting by both colours and shape can be encouraged.

Elementary School KidsAnything that they learn at this age serves as the foundation for their future knowledge of math.

Counting Use beads, snacks or dried seeds or beans to count the numbers. Play addition and subtraction games with

your child to figure out how many both of you have altogether or how many are left after you have hidden a few.

Grouping, Sorting and Comparing The concept of grouping can be introduced/re-visited at this age. Have the child group several beads or beans of same colour. Then sort the groups from the smallest to the largest, thus comparing quantities of different sizes. Different kinds of snacks or toys can also be sorted and compared. Sorting also leads to grouping. For example, sorting kitchen toys, stuffed animals, regular animals, etc. and putting similar toys together gives them the idea of grouping. This concept can further be enhanced by having the child arrange toys by way of height, to give them an idea of ascending and descending order.

Basic Operations These are the foundation steps in learning math. Everyday objects ranging from toys to snacks could be used to add to or subtract from the total quantity. Every evening when they put away their toys before bedtime,have the child count the number of toys used that day.

manipulatives provides a way for children to learn concepts in a developmentally appropriate, hands-on and an experiencing way.”

Now, let us look at the many different ways to make math fun by incorporating manipulatives for different age groups.

learning

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introduced by showing an actual object that they can hold as opposed to a picture of the object. Alternatively, you and your child can build 3D shapes with thick paper, by printing out the printable 3D models from the website:www.senteacher.org/Worksheet/12/NetsPolyhedra.xhtml

Stacking blocks These blocks help to understand grouping, sizes and stacking. They can be used as counting blocks too.

Lego BlocksA plethora of ideas can be achieved by using the lego blocks. These could be used

to teach comparisons, grouping, sorting, stacking, adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing numbers and fractions.

Base 10 materials Base 10 materials are used to teach numbers and

place value concepts. For example, to represent 452, use four flats (hundreds), six rods (tens) and

two cubes (ones).Basic operations of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division can also be taught.

These are just a few picks in the ocean of ideas that are available to us in our everyday life. n

LAKSHMI SARAVANAN IS A MATHS TEACHER

FROM THE US, CURRENTLY TEACHING IN THE

AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL, CHENNAI.

In addition to the everyday things that are readily available, several products are available in the market to assist in the teaching of math concepts to all age groups. The following are some of the products that are available:

Pattern Blocks Pattern Blocks are a tangible way to help you introduce the concept of three dimensions, after the child has been introduced to two dimensional objects like squares and rectangles. These can also be used to introduce fractions and more specifically equivalent fractions.

Unifix Cubes Interlocking cubes can be used as fun objects to introduce numbers and basic operations, grouping and sorting. The concept of fractions can also be taught using these cubes.

Some NGOs in India that make and sell manipulatives:

Taleem:http://www.eklavya.org/productforsale.html

JodoGyan:http://infoac.net/jodogyan/mathematics

Record this number somewhere for use the next day. Compare the next day’s total number of toys with the previous day’s count and compute the difference.

Money can be introduced to children at this age – monopoly money works wonders. Laminate some of the paper money so that it is durable.This laminated money can then be used to teach addition and subtraction. Pretend-shopping game can also be played at home to teach children all the 4 basic operations.

Fractions Have the children divide their snacks among friends, and use this opportunity to introduce fractions. Cakes and pizzas double up as great tools to teach fractions and as a delicious meal. When making a fruit salad, enlist the children’s help in measuring the fractional pieces of fruits that need to be added to make it yummy. Involve the children while making food with any recipe, because recipes serve as a classic example of using fractions in everyday life.

Measurement and Volume The kitchen serves as a hub to teach the concept of measurement and volume, starting with how much water or juice the child drinks to the amount of yoghurt to be added in milk to form yoghurt. Measure two different liquids and mix them together to introduce the concept of proportions, by comparing the two quantities. As an example, have the child measure 1 cup of curd and 2 cups of water and mix them together. Then explain that the new mixture has been mixed in the proportion of 1 curd is to 2 waters.

Geometry There are geometrical shapes all around us. Cookies of different shapes can be used to teach shapes. Play a treasure hunt game and have the child bring you rectangular or circular shaped objects.

This is a good time to introduce the concept of three dimensions, even though the child may not comprehend it fully. This idea of a third dimension is better

Shape sorters These help toddlers understand the concept of shapes and matching and also give an idea of a third dimension.

These are just some of the products available in

the market for use in teaching. There are many

more to explore.


Every time we throw out food or make a face at the sight of it, we should remember that we cannot take food for granted. Everyday, close to 300 million Indians go

without food. The World Bank says that 441 million of our one billion population are still poor.

According to the Global Hunger Index in 2010, India ranked 65th out of 68 countries with a hunger rate of 23.9 per cent. Countries like Uganda which ranked 38th in the list, Zimbabwe which was 58th, and Mauritania at 40th, fared better than our own country. According to the World Bank, 46 per cent of Indian children below five years of age are underweight, while 30 per cent of the world’s hungry live in India.

Today, many Below Poverty Line (BPL) mothers send their children to schools because they are assured that their child will get at least one square meal everyday. In contrast, the children of middle and upper classes are given pocket money to indulge in fast foods and junk foods as they blithely complain that home food is boring! Does the problem lie with parental upbringing? Can parents themselves be taught to revere food and pass on the right attitude to their children?

Food meets a basic emotional need

For a child, being fed means, having a basic emotional need met. When one’s basic needs are not met adequately, one loses trust in one’s environment. Most societies have an elaborate etiquette related to the sharing of food. These customs express each society’s attitudes and values towards food.

What the Vedic society taught usIn the Vedic society, the attitude towards food and the customs associated with it emphasise an inner maturity and an appreciation of God. Our generative capacity, cells and growth are all due to the energy supplied by food. The body, in essence, is a product of food and is thus called annamaya, the modification of food. Without food, one’s physical and mental capacities malfunction. Even after death, the body becomes part of the food cycle and provides food for other forms of life.

The third chapter of the Taittiriya Upanishad, sections seven to ten, contains verses in praise of food and

attitude towards food that need to be practised as a discipline.

Food as a PrasadaThe Upanishad says ‘do not look down upon or find fault with food’. In the Vedic culture, food is considered as prasada, that which comes from the Lord.

In most homes in India, after the food is cooked, it is offered to God. The preparation of food is carried out with a cheerful attitude keeping in mind that it is offered to God. Before cooking, the lady of the house takes a bath and sanctifies the hearth. The food is not tasted till it is offered to the Lord with a prayer and once it is offered to the Lord, it is considered as prasada and is accepted with gratitude.

The ritual of eatingThe Upanishad reminds us that every act of ours and the attitude we adopt towards it, has the means of taking us to Godhood. This is true of eating as well. Before

values

eating, one chants the following prayer -

“Any means of offering is Brahman, the

oblation is Brahman, the fire in which

the offering is made is Brahman and the

one who offers is also Brahman. Indeed

Brahman is gained by such a person

who abides in Brahman”.

Traditionally, while chanting the prayer, one pours a small amount of water in one’s right palm and sprinkles it around the plate. Water is a purifying agent and this is also supposed to sanctify the food. Following this, six small portions of food are eaten symbolically in the form of an offering to the Lord within as prana, the physiological system. Water is sipped again at the end of the meal as an offering.

Even if such a ritual is not followed, one should at least chant a prayer and be aware that the food is being offered to the Lord. Many religions offer a thanksgiving to the Lord before and after meals.

Do not discard foodAgain the Taiitriya Upanishad says annam na paricaksita – do not discard food. Most forms of life take from the environment only as much as is needed for sustenance. Human beings alone choose to take more than they need and discard what cannot be consumed. But if one looks at the food as prasada, it cannot be discarded, as this indicates lack of respect for the food.

Eating togetherHave a cheerful attitude while eating food. Eating a meal with one’s family provides an opportunity to relax and to strengthen bonds between family members. Experts say that if parents and children have at least one meal together in a day as a family ritual, drug abuse among children would not happen. Eating together is an important family activity. Food can be attractively presented to create a happy

disposition in everyone. Do not discuss uncomfortable topics during meals.

Food for good healthAdi Shankara says ‘For treating the disease of hunger, take daily, the medicine of food’. Do not seek tasty food but accept cheerfully whatever has been obtained by grace. For a disease, one takes medicine only in the quantity and manner prescribed. Taking more does not cure the illness sooner. Either more or less is detrimental to the body’s well-being.

A Sanskrit verse advises how much to eat to preserve good health:

“May one fill half of one’s stomach with

solid food, the third quarter with water

and leave the fourth quarter for the free

movement of air (food).’’

Sharing food with othersThe Upanishad also advises – ‘may one produce plenty of food’. In today’s context, it means that one can develop a capacity to provide plenty of food which can be shared with others. Only two forms of giving make the recipient feel truly full. One is anna dana (giving of food) and the other is atmajnana – dana (giving knowledge of the self). In any other form of giving, there is a chance that the recipient will not have a sense of having enough.

One must not cook and serve food with an angry disposition or a condescending attitude. When we give food in charity, we should do so with humility and prayerfulness, thanking God for giving us the capacity to share our resources with others. n

EDITED EXCERPTS FROM PURNA VIDYA (A

VISION OF HINDU DHARMA), AUTHORED BY

SWAMINI PRAMANANDA SARASWATI AND

SRI DHIRA CHAITANYA


Substance abuse is more apparent in teenagers than in adults these days. The adolescent stage is the most critical and vulnerable phase of life

and thousands of teenagers in India are having their first drag of a cigarette every minute. Teenagers get easily addicted to smoking, alcohol or drugs. The acceptability of smoking and drinking as a social behaviour also persuades them to try it out in the early teens.

What is substance abuse?Substance abuse is the harmful or hazardous use of psychoactive substances, which can lead to behavioural, cognitive and physiological changes in a person. Generally, substance abuse includes alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, steroids and prescription drugs.

Says V Thirumagal, programme consultant at TTK Hospital, Indira Nagar, “Risk taking behaviour is higher among teenagers. They tend to take risks, and the chances of experimenting with alcohol or drugs are present. Peer pressure to try alcohol or drugs can also influence the choices they make.”

What is addiction?Addiction is actually a chronic brain disorder and once a person gets addicted to a substance, he cannot control his need for the same. The alcohol or drug the person consumes, triggers a series of changes in his body and affects his behaviour. He ignores his health problems and even the social and legal consequences.

Studies on the human brain show that drug/alcohol addiction severely affects decision making, learning and memory retention. Abusers go into a state of deprivation and taking substances becomes

Tackling substance abuse in teensSudha S

Early symptoms of addictionBe an alert parent, look out for changes in your child’s behaviour. If he shows any of these signs, seek expert help immediately.

- Sudden outbursts of anger for no reason

- Poor concentration or lack of interest in studies

- Fading memory

- Lying, stealing and over-spending

- Irregular school attendance and poor academic performance

- Feeling tired or fatigued quite often, restless behaviour

- Changes in sleep cycle, appetite and food intake

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indispensable for survival. Phenomena that develop after repeated substance use typically include a strong desire to take the drug, difficulties in controlling its use, and continuing usage despite harmful consequences.

Who are at risk?The chances of children taking to substance abuse is greater if there is a genetic predisposition or if someone in the family is already taking it, which means that there is an easy access to the substance. So if there is a family history of substance abuse, watch out for early symptoms in pre-teens and teenagers because they are already at risk. Children

with low self-esteem and who feel depressed and are troubled are at even greater risk.

If a parent suspects that the adolescent is using drugs or alcohol regularly, it would help to see if a combination of signs is repeatedly noticed over a period of time. These could be a change in daily routine, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, change in leisure activities or friends, deterioration in academic performance, skipping of classes or tests, being secretive, spending a lot of time alone or away from home, isolating oneself, demands for money, changes in appearance such as reddishness in eyes, droopy eyes and loss of weight.

SMOKING/CHEWING TOBACCO

Ten years ago, teenagers loved to experiment with smoking. But today, the awareness of the hazards of smoking is high and there is also a ban on smoking in public places. So teenagers are turning to chewing tobacco as it is available more easily, and are increasingly getting addicted to it. Tobacco in any form is hazardous as it contains nicotine which is highly addictive.

SOCIAL DRINKING VS. BINGE DRINKING

Teenagers get caught up in the scene because they are simply curious, want to behave like adults, or due to peer pressure and believe that it can reduce stress. How much of alcohol is too much? Many social drinkers cannot stop at the threshold or limit quantity and tend to become uncontrolled or binge drinkers. Consumption of too much alcohol can be dangerous as it can result in the loss of sensory perception and lead to blackouts.

ILLICIT DRUGS

The United Nations estimates that some 200 million people all over the world use illegal drugs annually. Illicit drugs include

marijuana, cocaine, opiates, stimulants, hallucinogens, inhalants and steroids. The psychoactive substances in them can lead to a dependence syndrome, and those who become addicted tend to want more of the drug progressively at shorter intervals. Sadly, the factors that contribute to illicit drug abuse are the disintegration of the joint family system, absence of parental love and care, especially when both parents are working and the decline of religious and moral values in today’s teenagers.

CLUB AND DATE RAPE DRUGS

Club drugs are the order of the day and even experimenting with them is dangerous. When teens and young adults enjoy parties, they sometimes encounter a dangerous problem of substance abuse. Collectively known as club drugs, substances like Ecstasy, GHB, Rohypnol, and Ketamine induce intoxication. These colourless, tasteless and odourless drugs when added unobtrusively to beverages, are not easily detectable.

Pre-teens and teenagers should be cautious not to drink anything that looks suspicious or left unattended for some

time. Parents should tell their children to stay alert at all times and avoid the food or drink if it has a strange taste. It is advisable to stay or move around with friends or with familiar people.

PRESCRIPTION DRUGS

Drug misuse of common prescription medications can have an adverse effect on the system and induce dependence. Some over-the-counter (OTC) medications and cough syrups give immediate relief and teenagers tend to misuse them quite often, even without a prescription. Chronic use leads to a change in the central nervous system and signals that more of the substance is needed to relieve pain or produce the desired effects.

Causes and adverse effects of substance abuse

How should parents handle the situation?Parents are at a loss of words, thoughts

and actions when it comes to actual

handling of the situation. If you actually

find that your child has taken to substance

abuse, do not panic, but try to get

information from the already affected or

depressed child. Have an open talk with

the child and do not use authority or force

him to tell you what happened. In the

meantime, get expert help from a

counselling centre and address the

problem immediately. Your child may just

require outpatient help and counselling,

and some medication if necessary.8

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Talk to your childParents should accept the fact that pre-teen children and teenagers are susceptible to substance abuse. They should preempt this by having a friendly talk with the child making him aware of the abuses and presenting facts in a simple way. If your child is in his pre-teens, talk to him saying that food can be healthy and non-healthy. Present the information on substance abuse in the non-healthy category. Emphasise on the immediate after-effects of smoking, drinking or taking drugs rather than the long-term ill effects like lung cancer or liver damage. Put the information across in a simpler way – tell him that bad habits like these can make him age quickly, cause red eyes, cause bad breadth and have several adverse effects. A survey done in the US in 1998

(Partnership Attitude Tracking Study) revealed that boys and girls whose parents ignored the issue were about two times as likely to use drugs than kids who learned ‘a lot’ at home.

Substance abuse is preventablePrevention is always better than cure and

it is a collective social responsibility.

Though parents have an important role to

play in this, it is also the responsibility of

the school, teacher, neighbour, relatives

and friends. In the post-teen period,

between 18 and 21 years of age, it finally

zeros in on individual choice. So, it is very

important that children in their pre-teen

and teenage years build positive

relationships all around them. n

Tips on helping your teen keep away from drugs, alcohol and tobacco

Having established Dr Gautham’'s Neuro

Centre in Chetpet decades ago to address

problems in adult and child psychiatry,

Neuro-psychiatrist Prof Dr U Gauthamadas

outlines some preventive measures that

parents can follow to prevent addiction in

teenagers. A few points from case studies

conducted at the TT Ranganathan Clinical

Research Foundation have also been

included in this list.

- Always be honest, frank and open with your children and encourage the same from their side.

- Spend some quality time with them every day. Maintain eye contact with your children when they talk to you. It makes a lot of difference and they will want to tell you more.

- Get to know your children, their friends and their activities. Do not talk badly about your child’s friends or make fun of them. Also, letting your child down in their presence hurts him deeply.

- Make your children feel comfortable in discussing their problems with you. In case of

failure or getting below average marks, raise the bar of achievement little by little and tell them that they can reach it.

- Converse, but do not lecture.

- Give your children your love, guidance and support at all times. Tell them that they can approach you at times of crisis or when in trouble. A gentle touch or holding the hand has a tremendous effect on a troubled child. The child feels that the parents are always there for him and becomes closer to them.

- Educate your children about drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex. Talk to them openly and unabashedly about the effects and outcomes.

- Encourage them to develop a hobby or sport and keep them engaged in healthy games and activities.

- Be a good role-model and lead by example. Remember that actions speak louder than words.

- Appreciate the child’s participation in the everyday activities like laying the dining table, caring for his sick grandmother or going out for a walk with his grandfather. This will build his self-esteem.

- Help your child arrive at informed decisions, after learning the relevant facts and the pros and cons.

- Help him develop good inter-personal skills.

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Types of drugsThere are many drugs available out there and most of them are manufactured in amateur labs. The new drugs have no quality control standards and their after-effects and side-effects are unknown. A few of them have been identified and the risks involved therein have been highlighted.

Stimulants

Stimulants improve mood, relieve anxiety and induce feelings of euphoria. They decrease appetite and promote weight loss, counteract lethargy and fatigue through the day, improve concentration. Amphetamines, caffeine, cocaine, diet pills, and methamphetamines.

Depressants

Abuse of depressants can cause confusion, lack of coordination, low blood pressure, and a slower heart rate and breathing. Someone who takes them may have slurred speech and an inability to concentrate, and he or she may fall asleep at work or school. Barbiturates, benzodiazepines and alcohol.

Hallucinogens

The more they use these drugs, the shorter the time span for that next usage. The drugs may cause panic, confusion, suspicion, anxiety and loss of control. Long-term effects include mood swings, impaired thinking, unexpected outbursts of violence and depression that may lead to death or suicide. Common hallucinogens are: Psilocybin (shrooms), DMT (dimethyltrptamine), LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), Peyote and Mescaline and PCP (phencyclidine, an intravenous anaesthetic).

Narcotics

A psychoactive drug with sleep inducing properties, the term has become associated with heroin, morphine and their derivatives. Doctors often prescribe these in smaller doses for patients with chronic diseases and after surgery.


Getting to the truth

You might suspect that your child is a substance abuser but do not know how to approach him. Here is a subtle way of asking him:

“We have noticed some changes in you lately.” Name the changes. Then say “We love you and sense that something may be troubling you. Sometimes people act differently because they experiment with drinking or other drugs and then realise that they have gone way too far to return. Should we be concerned? If so, we hope you will be honest with us so that we can help you to stop.”

Remember that substance users are very good con artists, so look at them in the eye even when you get these responses: “Drugs? I’ve never used drugs. I swear. Not even once!” OR “I can’t believe you have so little faith in me!” OR “All right, so me and some friends have gotten drunk once in a while. I don’t have a drinking problem, okay? It’s not a big deal. I’ll stop, I promise.”

Treatment options

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 1: Occasional use of tobacco, alcohol and marijuana

TREATMENT: Impose stricter limits at home:

n Get to know the company he keeps, and see if you can network with the parents. If there is a school/college counsellor, get in touch with her.

n Strict imposition of the policy ‘No drugs, alcohol or tobacco use’.

n No associating with peers who are substance abusers.

n The door to his room has to be kept open at all times. No locking the door when any friend comes over.

Impose stricter limits at home; Enrollment in a Drug Abuse Rehabilitation Program.

Drug Rehabilitation ProgramsShort term outpatient therapy: These programs are typically for children who are still under control and can be treated by behavioural therapy. After four to six months, if the child is pronounced recovered, he enters the aftercare phase of the treatment where he comes back once a week for six months to a year.

Short term residential therapy: Four weeks of inpatient care is followed by six to twelve months of aftercare as an outpatient.

Long term outpatient maintenance therapy: Substance abusers receive their dose of medication as outpatients and return to the centre for counselling.

Long term Residential Therapy (Therapeutic Communities): This includes a blend of academic classes, therapy sessions, exercise and social skills training. After six to nine months, the child is transferred to a dormitory to prepare himself to rejoin society. Here, he gets back to his studies or takes up a vocation.

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ book ‘Caring For Your Teenager provides additional inputs.

n No leaving school or college premises during the day. Ask the teacher to keep an eye on your child.

n Curtail pocket money. Give money only for definite requirements. If more money is needed, question closely the reason.

n No attending parties that have no adult supervision.

n Tell them that you reserve the right to search their rooms.

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 2: Frequent use (4 to 5 times per week); has purchased drugs

TREATMENT: Impose stricter limits at home; Involve the child in Peer Support Groups.

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 3: Your child starts using substances daily and gets involved in selling drugs.

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 4: Your child will require more drugs to avoid withdrawal symptoms.

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 5: Your child will require drugs to even feel normal.

TREATMENT: For Stage 3, Stage 4 and Stage 5 offenders and for those suffering a relapse at any stage -

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A KAleidoscopic view of KAnyAKumAri

Beach destinations have always fascinated me. No doubt, Kanyakumari, which also doubles up as a famous pilgrimage centre, was on the top of my list. Situated at the southernmost tip of the Indian sub-continent, it was formerly known as Cape Comorin. The scenic beauty of Kanyakumari is so enchanting, that it is now a favourite pilgrimage and tourist destination for many. One can experience the confluence of the Indian Ocean, the Arabian Sea and the Bay of Bengal, unique to this city.

legendAry

significAnce

Though it was a bit tiring after the long train journey from Chennai, I wanted to visit the temple dedicated to Goddess Kanyakumari first. My friends agreed to this idea. Legend has it that Kanya Devi, an avatar of Goddess Parvati, was all set to marry Lord Shiva, but he failed to arrive on the day of the wedding. Rice and other grains that were stocked up for the wedding feast are said to have turned into stones and pebbles with the passage of time. Kanya Devi still remains a virgin goddess and the city gets its name from the deity.

Kanyakumari is a much-favoured destination for tourists due to its rich and varied cultural heritage. Its mixed heritage and varied culture is evident from the structures dedicated to Islam, Christianity and Hinduism. We decided to stay overnight at a hotel close to the sea, to enjoy the enchanting beauty of the sunrise and the sunset.

BreAthtAKing view of the

sunrise

After some refreshments at the restaurant, we got the keys to our room. I was very particular that we get a room that has a window facing the sea and we were lucky to get one. The next morning, we woke up before dawn and got ready for a truly wonderful experience! We had our cameras ready to roll as we headed to the beach for a beautiful view of the rising sun. The sky turned orange and we could see a few sail boats with fishermen. As the sails propelled the boats through the gentle waves, we could see the sun rising slowly on the horizon. The waters reflected the rays of the sun and it was an unforgettable experience!

gAndhi memoriAl

A quick breakfast fuelled us for the great day ahead and we headed straight to the Gandhi Memorial. Its architecture is distinct and resembles that of an Orissa temple. Mahatma Gandhi’s ashes were kept here before they were immersed into the sea. This is an architectural marvel because on Gandhi Jayanthi (October 2), the sun’s rays pass through a hole in the roof and fall at a particular place inside the memorial.

viveKAnAndA rocK memoriAl

My eyes were set on the Vivekananda Rock Memorial the moment we reached Kanyakumari. Boat rides are scheduled every 30 minutes and we boarded one of them. India’s southernmost tip was a sight to behold, as we rode through the waves

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to the rock memorial that was about 400 metres away from the mainland. The confluence of the seas comes alive under the bright sun and reflecting waves. Be cautious while you get on and off the boat as the waves tend to toss the boat. Wear life jackets that are available with the boat service provider.

The lagoon, formed by a series of rocks, lends a charming look to the memorial. Built in 1970, Swami Vivekananda is said to have meditated on the rock where the memorial now stands. Make sure to plan your visit to the rock memorial between 8 am and 4 pm.

tiruvAlluvAr stAtue

The majestic 133-ft Tiruvalluvar statue is a recent addition to the city, and it signifies the contents of the poet’s great work, Tirukkural. Steps leading to the poet’s feet, the pedestal and the height of the statue represent the different chapters of the Kural. The pedestal is surrounded by an artistic Alankara mandapam and the elephant statues signify the different directions. The visiting times to this memorial are restricted, so plan your trip accordingly.

view tower And telescope

house

To get a panoramic view of the entire city of Kanyakumari, we went atop the View Tower. The strong winds, lilting waves and a flock of birds that flew past are still fresh in my mind and have created memories for a lifetime. I was constantly clicking photographs to capture the scenic beauty of the landscape. Through the telescope, we got a close-up view of some more enchanting landmarks.

fAirs And festivAls

Pilgrims throng the Kumari Amman temple’s car festival in May/June every year when the Devi’s idol is taken out in a procession on a chariot. Navaratri is a very big celebration here and September/October is the right time to visit and enjoy the festivities. The deity is decorated uniquely during each of the nine days of

the festival which commemorates the victory of the goddess over the demons.

shopping

On the shores of Kanyakumari beach, and in the premises of the temple, there are abundant handicraft shops with many seashell products. Traditional saris and other dress materials are available in some shops. A specialty here is the coloured sand, available as small packets, which can make for a valuable treasure back home. n

How to ReachBY AIR If you are travelling by air, the nearest airport is Trivandrum, which

is about 90 kilometres west of Kanyakumari. You can hire a taxi from here

to reach the city.

BY RAIL Kanyakumari is well connected by rail to all the major cities and

some of the superfast trains take you to the southernmost railhead.

BY ROAD There is a well-connected road network to Kanyakumari. NH 47

that stretches through Thiruvananthapuram ends here.

Accommodation Kanyakumari offers good accommodation facilities, especially near the

beach, with excellent sea view suites. The Tamil Nadu Tourism

Development Corporation offers excellent boarding and lodging facilities at

competitive rates.

plAces to visit Around KAnyAKumAri

Padmanabhaswamy Temple, Thiruvananthapuram Padmanabhapuram Palace Suchindram Temple

On a longer trip, plan a visit to the nearby places like Tirunelveli (80 kilometres),

Tiruchendur (90 kilometres) and even the Courtallam falls. Don’t miss the waterfalls if

you happen to be there during the months of June-July!

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Rich in calcium, protein and minerals!

Full of protein, Vitamin C and Minerals!

RAGI THAYIR BONDA (To make 25 bondas)

INGREDIENTS

Ragi 50 gms Black Urad Dhal 50 gms Toor Dhal 50 gms Puffed Rice (Aval) 50 gms Bengal Gram 50 gms Oil for frying Green Chillies, Ginger, Coriander Paste (3 green chillies and a small bit of ginger, five to six leaves of coriander) Salt 1 1/4 spoons

INGREDIENTS FOR CURD

Curd 1 1/2 cups Chaat Masala 1/2 spoon Black Salt 1/4 spoon

MALPUAS (APPAM) (To make 25-30 Appams)

INGREDIENTS

Wheat Flour 3 cups Sooji (Rava) 1 cup Jaggery 2 cups Ghee 1 tbsp Pepper 1 tbsp Milk 1 cup Curd 1 tbsp Salt and Soda a pinch Oil for frying

METHOD

For Bonda Soak the ragi, black urad dhal, toor dhal,

puffed rice, bengal gram for an hour. Grind them

coarsely along with the chilli-ginger-coriander paste.

Fry them in a non-stick appakarai (use oil as

necessary), rather than a deep-fry kadai, as there is

less oil consumption. Turn the bondas over midway to

fry completely.

Alternately, ragi, black urad dhal, toor dhal, puffed

rice, bengal gram can be ground coarsely in a flour

mill and stocked. Before making the bonda, the

mixture should be soaked for an hour and and

ginger-garlic-coriander paste to be added to it along

with the salt.

For Curd Add the black salt, chaat masala to the curd

and mix well.

Put the bondas in the curd for 15-20 minutes.

Take out and put the other bondas in the curd.

Decorate with coriander and carrot gratings.

METHOD

Dissolve jaggery with a little water and

strain. Mix together all other ingredients

except oil. To this mixture, add jaggery

water. Bring to dosa batter consistency.

Grease appakarai (Paniyaram pan

usually found in all vessel stores.

Preferably non stick) with cooking oil

(ghee optional).

Pour batter into karai. Use medium heat,

and turn midway until both sides are

golden brown. If karai is not available,

you can deep fry the batter.

Jaya

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JAYALAKSHMI

SRINIVASAN IS A

CHENNAI

GRANDPARENT.

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METHI PROTEIN POLI (To make 25 polis)

URAD DHAL LADDU (To make 25 laddus)

Urad Dhal is rich in protein and calcium. It gives strength to the back especially for girls and women. Jaggery is rich in Iron and Folic Acid.

INGREDIENTS

Urad Dhal Flour* 1 cup Brown Sugar/ Jaggery Powder 1 1/2 cup Ghee 1/2 cup Cashew Optional Cardamom/Dry Ginger Powder 1 tsp

METHOD

To 1 cup of flour, add 1 1/2 cups of jaggery powder

and hot melted ghee. Mix together with cardamom

and dry ginger powder. Make it into small laddus.

Preferably make the balls when the prepared flour

is warm. For this, you can lightly dry fry the

prepared mixture. This will ensure that the balls do

not ‘split’.

* Dry roast urad dhal till golden brown and grind to

a fine flour. You could grind it in your mixer-grinder

and sieve out the fine powder. Alternatively, grind

the same in a flour mill.

INGREDIENTS

Green Gram Dhal 100 gm Bengal Gram Dhal 100 gm Kasoori Methi (Dried Methi) 100 gm Salt 1 tsp Green Chillies 3 Ginger a small piece Cooking Oil 1 tsp

Maida 150 gm

For seasoning Mustard and Cumin Seeds 1 tbsp (50 gm)

METHOD

Dry roast both green gram and bengal gram dhal. Pressure

cook with 3 cups of water for three whistles.

Take out, cool the mixture and grind it with salt, green

chillies, ginger and Kasoori Methi.

Put oil in a kadai and put mustard and jeera till it sputters,

pour in the ground mixture and stir till it becomes thick.

Allow it to cool.

Knead 150 gms of maida with 2 tsp of cooking oil and a

pinch of salt.

Add the required amount of water and make a soft dough.

Divide the dough into small balls, roll it, fill the stuffing, roll it

again and make like parathas in a non stick tawa.

This is enriched with Vitamin C and protein and is low on cholesterol.


NIM'S ISLAND (2008) is about eleven-year-

old Nim (Abigail Breslin), who lives on a secret

island with her marine biologist father, Jack

(Gerard Butler) and her animal friends. Nim

replies to an email on her father's behalf while he's away. It turns

out that the email is from her favourite author, Alex Rover, who

wants some help in fleshing out details for the next book in the

adventure series. When Nim's father goes missing, she tells the

Alex Rover that she is afraid. Little does she know that the author

of the swashbuckling adventures is actually a woman (Jodie

Foster) who is too scared to even step out of her own house!

Based on the book by Wendy Orr.

In ALEX RIDER: OPERATION STORMBREAKER

(2006) Fourteen year old Alex (Alex Pettyfer), discovers that his

uncle Ian Rider (Ewan McGregor), who died under mysterious

circumstances, was actually a spy. Alan Blunt (Bill Nighy) of the

MI6 enlists him to undergo Special Forces training to become a

spy himself. Rider's first operation is to

find out the motive behind Darius Sayle's

(Mickey Rourke) generosity in creating

and donating Stormbreaker personal

computers for schools. Lots of nifty

gadgets, cool chases and the big question

- is Ian Rider really dead? Based on the

series by Anthony Horowitz.

In UNACCOMPANIED MINORS (2006), siblings

Spencer and Katherine are

asked to wait in the

Unaccompanied Minors

room, when the airport they

are flying out of gets

snowed-in, on Christmas Eve. The children in this room are

on a rampage, wrecking and messing up the place. Spencer

enlists some children to help him make Katherine's Christmas,

a special one. The children pull out all

the stops to make the most of the

snowed-in Christmas, even as they

give the surly Mr Porter the slip many

a time.

Set in Africa, THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY (1980), is about the

adventurous journey undertaken by a

bushman (N!xau) to the end of the

earth, to dispose of an object that is

the cause of much unhappiness and

unrest in his tribe – an empty bottle of Coca Cola!

Watching a favourite animation movie is like going back to

a favourite book – it's comforting in its familiarity and there

are also new perspectives to discover in that familiarity. But

if the umpteenth viewing of Madagascar sets your teeth on

edge, it's time to overhaul the DVD collection. Here's a list

of non-animated movies – some known and some lesser

known – to liven up boring weekend afternoons.

COMEDIES FANTASY/ADVENTURE

check it out

Saritha Rao Rayachoti


If your children have the patience to watch an

old-fashioned musical, there's nothing quite like THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965), to have them romping

through the house, singing Do Re Mi over and over

again! Maria (Julie Andrews), who wants to become a

nun, is sent as a governess to mind the seven Von

Trapp children. Maria ushers in some much needed

colour and music into the household, ultimately

discovering that a warm heart resides within the stern

Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer). Lots of

music set in the wonderful landscapes of Austria.

Long before March of the Penguins, there

was the nature documentary, ANIMALS ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (1974).

Shot entirely in Southern Africa, it is a

crash-course in geography, featuring the

many species that inhabit the deserts, rivers

and delta of the region. The excellent

background score is a perfect fit for the

antics of some of the most adorable creatures, and the

commentary puts the habits of wild species in the context of

our own urban lives.

VIVA CUBA (2005) is a Spanish

movie set in Cuba, about two friends - a

boy named Jorgito (Jorge Milo) and a

girl named Malu (Malu Tarrau Broche).

They come from different social

backgrounds and their mothers hate

each other. When Malu's mother wants

to leave the country, the only person with any power to stop it is

Malu's father. The children set out in search of Malu's father, to

dissuade him from signing forms that would take Malu and her

mother away. Along the journey, the children discover the true

meaning of friendship.

Based on Simon Carr's true story, THE BOYS ARE BACK (2009) the movie is

about sports journalist Joe (Clive Owen),

whose life is turned upside down by the death

of his wife. He now has to bring up their son,

Artie, all by himself. When Harry, who is Joe's

son from a previous marriage arrives from the UK, Joe tells

him that he runs 'a loose ship' with as few rules as possible in

the house. Harry and Artie forge a close bond even as Joe

learns to juggle with the demands of work and home. This is a

movie that steers clear of clichés, and raises the all-important

question “How much discipline is too much? How much is

too little?”

PARENTHOOD (1989) has an ensemble

cast that portrays parents with different

challenges in child-rearing. Gil (Steve Martin),

a sales executive, is torn between work and

home. Helen (Dianne Wiest) is a single

parent who gets more than she can handle,

when her teenage daughter gets married and

becomes pregnant. Nathan (Rick Moranis) is

obsessive about his daughter's IQ. Frank

(Jason Robards) wants to help his grown-up son Larry (Tom

Hulce) deal with a gambling problem, but finds himself

bringing up a grandson! Funny and heart-warming.

CLASSICS

FOR PARENTSANIMALS/WILDLIFE

WORLD CINEMA

SARITHA RAO RAYACHOTI IS A FREELANCE WRITER.

We live in an age when, the earlier you complete any task, the better you are perceived to be.

Expectant mothers are routinely told that Abhimanyu, one of the tragic heroes of the epic Mahabharata, began learning the art of war when he was in his mother’s womb. (Hidden message: get your baby to start learning before he sees the world!). Many entrepreneurs have jumped onto this bandwagon of early brain stimulation, offering teaching tools and food products to make your baby the smartest one yet, at the earliest!

The message is clear - life is no longer a marathon; it is a 100 meters dash. So sprint!

Result: Many parents want to ‘teach’ alphabet and math and a lot more to their children when they are not even two years old. In schools, admissions are sought in classes higher than what is good for a child’s age. Some parents hold press conferences to ‘showcase’ toddlers who can recite world capitals, names of world leaders, tens of couplets of Thirukkural and much else. If they can perform on a TV show as toddlers, there is nothing better. They have already proven their worth; they have arrived.

What is this hurry to dump indigestible facts into an infant’s brain? Does an infant’s ability to master facts guarantee ‘success’ in later life?

Yes, life does remain a marathon. If anything, better healthcare and effective

medicines for most known diseases are only lengthening the distance to be run, into a double marathon. In India, for example, the average lifespan has risen from 48 years in 1970 to over 64 years in 2009, within four decades. Over the next three decades, expect it to shoot beyond 80 or even 90.

Children born today can be expected to live well into their nineties. Second or third careers, right now exceptions, could become the norm. Two successive generations of retired persons in a family living at the same time could also become the norm. It is clear that learning the skills to cope with the vicissitudes of a long life span is becoming increasingly critical. Mistaking fake genius-like attributes in infants for competence for negotiating in a long life span is a fallacy that could lead to disappointments and worse, even disasters.

Here are some facts for you to consider:

n Infant education experts, who promise to turn your child into an Einstein, overlook the fact that the greatest scientist of modern times was four years old before he could speak and seven before he could read. His parents even consulted a doctor about his slow learning habits. He was also a cheeky rebel. This rebelliousness led one headmaster to expel him. Another headmaster, to history’s everlasting shame, said that he would never amount to much! But it is precisely this cocky contempt for authority that led Einstein to

Sriram Naganathan

The Abhimanyu Syndrome

viewpoint

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question conventional wisdom. His slow verbal development made him curious about things such as space and time that most adults take for granted.

n Children need a few simple things for brain growth. Here is a short list: interaction, touch, stable relationship, self-esteem, safe & healthy environment, quality care, play, music and communication. More importantly, the effect of these stimulants can be observed only over the long term. There are no short-cuts here.

n Sure, the first three or four years of a child see the most rapid changes, due to the bombardment of experiences (everything is new!). At this time, the brain is like a sponge ready to absorb and learn. However, touching and talking, and the things that an infant sees, hears and smells all build positive connections in the brain, if done with continuity in a loving and predictable manner. Just provide a sensually rich environment with meaningful relationships. This is enough. There is no need to get the child to cram facts far beyond her understanding!

Architect Buckminster Fuller is reported to have said ‘All children are born geniuses and we deal with the first six years of their lives in degeniusing them’. Ironically, Buckminster Fuller himself had a very normal childhood, was expelled from Harvard twice, never completed his college education and popularised the geodesic dome that made him famous when he was in mid-50s. No sign of infant genius there.

Of course, much of the base for future development is built in the first few years of childhood. We can also say that the learning of some skills is easier in early life. However, the windows of opportunity do not close at a certain age and learning is possible at any age. So, instead of getting very young children to cram unrelated, indigestible facts, parents could instead focus on being a co-explorer of all the things the child is interested in. They

can note down the most interesting questions asked by the child and find answers together. They can enjoy cognitive development unfolding in the child. Making the child understand values like honesty and consideration by practicing them, is a better idea than trying to drill facts into the child’s brain.

Here’s a thought: Abhimanyu might have learnt the art of war when he was still in his mother’s womb. But he had not learnt it completely. If he did not have this ‘partial’ knowledge, he may not have been allowed to penetrate the opposition’s complex battle formation and perhaps been better off that way. Instead, he got killed in the battle when he was still in his teens to the eternal sorrow of all Indians. In contrast, his uncle Krishna, who had a care-free and happy childhood, full of fun and play, ended up being the hero of his times. n

SRIRAM NAGANATHAN IS THE FOUNDER OF

IGNITE MINDS, AN EDUCATION SECTOR

START-UP AND A RESOURCE PERSON AT

THE SCHOOL, KFI.

Forcing Your Child To Learn? Think Again. Forced learning does not just make the child unhappy; it can actually have disastrous consequences later in life. The classic example is that of the famous English philosopher John Stuart Mill, who was given an extremely rigorous early upbringing. His father, James Mill, wanted to create a genius out of his son, and brought him up in an environment deprived of simple pleasures like playing with other children of his age (strictly prohibited!). John Mill was taught Greek when he was three; by eight he could read classics; and write an extension for Homer’s epic Iliad; by ten he had mastered Euclidean Geometry, Algebra and Latin. He had also read a great deal of history by ten. Then, by twenty, he had a nervous breakdown. It took several years, and the simple pleasure of reading verses of Wordsworth, to bring John Mill to normalcy.

When should your child start learning?

While there is no such thing as the right age for a child to start learning, evidence suggests that a later start may not be a bad idea. In fact, in Scandinavian countries such as Finland, Sweden and Denmark, a child goes to school when he is 7 years old. School students from these countries top the developed world, year after year, in the quality of education attainment measured through the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), a worldwide evaluation of 15-year-old school pupils’ scholastic performance.Teachers from the US and other countries make regular pilgrimages to Scandinavia to learn best practices.

What is more important than academics at an early age is the encouragement for unstructured learning, exploration, language development and play. These happen naturally. So the next time you find your child gazing at a butterfly for a long time, do not pull him in and force him to do arithmetic. You might interrupt his learning! A

RJU

N D

OG

RA

Courtesy DakshinaChitra

THE WALL: Take the long

15x3.5” strip of card and cut

out a door shape in the centre

of the strip.

Staple 4 small pieces of card,

2 above and 2 below the

door of the wall. Fold the

entire piece into a cylinder

and staple at the top and

bottom of the overlap. At the

top and bottom joints staple

1 small piece of card each.

THE ROOF: Cut out a sector from

the circle as shown and overlap

it to make a cone. Staple the

overlapping ends together.

ASSEMBLING THE ROOF AND

WALL: Place the cone on top of

the wall and staple them

together on the inside using the

small pieces of card on the wall.

THE FLOOR: On the square

piece of paper, make 3 slits

using the cutter (parents can

help do this). Align the slits to

the pieces of card at the

bottom of the wall. Push in the

small pieces of card through

the slits and staple together.

Your hut is ready! Trim

the edges off the card

‘joints’. Paint your

house in attractive

colours and patterns.

materials required

Demonstrated by Saraswathi Amma

card/ thick paper

stapler

cutter

6 small pieces of card (1x3”)

scissors

acrylic paints, brushes

15x3

.5”

6x6”

4” radius

card shapes needed

3

4

5

2

1

hands on



CHENNAI this monthSeptember 2 Rusty Moe – The White Lady Unwind Centre, Gandhi Nagar, Adyar A tribute to classical British and American rock music. Time: 6:30 pm – 9:00 pm (9841379494, 9941005949)

September 4 Tree Walk Boat Club Road Tree walk organized by Nizhal is to promote tree culture in urban areas, to create awareness of the role of trees, planting the right kind of trees and caring for them.

Time: 7:00 am – 8:00 am (9003011372)

September 7-10 Aarush SRM University A national level techno-management fest, Aarush, provides the students with the perfect opportunity to utilise their knowledge in practical applications that require innovation and out-of-the-box thinking. Spread across four days, it confronts the students with challenges. These include real-life scenarios, present and future problems of the nation and other technological impediments. (9791023773, 9791640085) Till September 10 Nature Workshop Hippocampus, 4, 12th Street, Nandanam Extension A workshop to know more about ecosystems, preserving and protecting nature, through art, craft and storytelling. (044-42067159)

September 10-11 1st State Level Children Tournament Samarao School, Near Parthasarthy temple, Mylapore Chess tournament for children under 8, 10, 12, 14 and 16 years. Time: 10:00 am (9841815992, 9941848839)

Sept 2011– Aug 2012

Clinical Art TherapyCentre for Counselling, Nungambakkam, Chennai

Participants will learn to use visual arts (drawing, painting, collage, sculpture with clay, etc) to work with people who have specific types of challenges. Time: 10 am – 4 pm (9884700106, 9884700104)

For event listings contact us at PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India. Ph. no. 24461066/67/68. Email [email protected] with the subject line ‘Events’.

events

September 16

Saxophone Concert Srinivasa Sastri Hall, Luz Church

Road, Mylapore Saxophone performance by

Shri G. Ramanathan hosted by Indian Council for Cultural Relations and

Sri Ariyakudi Music Foundation under the

monthly “Horizon” Programme.

Time: 6:30 pm (044-24460767)

Till September 30

SARGAM Children’s Choir SARGAM, Poes Street, Teynampet Memberships for SARGAM Children’s Choir open. Learn choral techniques, songs from different languages and voice culture. (9840132913)

Till September 15

Art Exhibition DakshinaChitra, East Coast Road,

Muttukadu Exhibition of paintings by

Tejo Menon (044-27472603, 044-27472783)


Teachers have to be lenient with the

students. If they are strict, the students will

always fear them. They will surely do their

homework on time and study well, but only

out of fear of punishment. If the teachers

are friendly, the students will listen to them

and get the correct perspective on

a subject.

Uma Premnath, mother of a 12-year-old

I feel that the teachers have to be strict.

The students will learn only if there is

some discipline. By strict, I do not mean

that they should have a cane in their

hands, but impose rules wherever

necessary so that the children do not lose

their concentration in class.

Sujatha S, mother of a 11-year-old

The teachers should neither be too strict nor

too friendly but be balanced in their

approach. The teachers have to be strict

when it comes to studies and homework;

they have to make the children understand

that studying is necessary. When it comes to

helping out the student, they need to be

friendly or else the children will not listen.

They will start fearing the teacher and hate

the subject.

Padmaja, mother of a 9-year-old

For us, it is a mix of both, though the balance

is tilted more towards friendliness. We have

to be friendly with our students because that

is when they will truly understand what we

are trying to teach them. Education and

knowledge are two different things and we

have to impart both to the students. We are

responsible for making them good citizens.

For a teacher, the student-teacher

relationship is as important as a child-parent

relationship is to the parent. Sure, when the

student gets out of hand at times, we need

to put a full stop to it by being a little strict. I

believe that a friendly approach brings

happiness to both the students and the

teacher. They respect us and they are also

more responsive when we are friends with

them, rather than being strict with them. Their self-confidence is

boosted. Depending on the situation and the student, we should first

warn him a couple of times before becoming strict.

Annalakshmi Chellam, Teacher

For me, it is a combination of both. If you are too strict with the

children, they might just pretend to listen to you as they fear they

might be punished or get scolded. If you are too friendly, the students

might take advantage of you and they may lose focus on their work.

At times, you have to be strict with them when they get out of hand.

Otherwise it is better to be friendly with them and explain things in a

nice way so that they will listen and respond accordingly.

Jyothi, Teacher and Coordinator of a pre-school

As a teacher with more than four decades of experience, I would

definitely say that the present generation of teachers have to be both

friendly and strict with the children. Children will feel more secure in a

class where the teachers are both friendly and good disciplinarians at

the same time.

Sudha Kasturirangan, Teacher

A teacher who is friendly would find it easier to spot a student who is

having difficulties in understanding the subject. Doubts can only

be clarified if the teacher encourages the students to do so.

We have all seen some teachers who are surrounded

by students just after the class is over or during

intervals. Those students are eager to interact with the

teacher to understand various concepts; whereas there are

teachers who will never be approached for clarification of

doubts because he is a terror. If the objective of the

teacher is to make the process of learning fun then he has

to be friendly. Otherwise learning will become serious

and boring.

Anil Pillai

The teacher is supposed to be strict or friendly with her

students according to their behaviour. Sometimes,

when the class is going on, a child might whisper.

The teacher immediately throws her chalk down and

says, "If you know everything, I'll stop teaching." At

the same time, if the children present a neat

project or if the whole class gets good marks in

the exam, she says, "This is the most wonderful

set I've ever got!" I feel teachers should not be

too friendly because the students take

advantage of them. They shouldn't be too

strict either because the child might be

scared even at the sight of the teacher.

Sneha S, 10 yrs

Should teachers be very strict or lenient with children?

Please send in your responses before September 15 2011 to [email protected] with the subject line ‘Discussion Point’, or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

Is your child’s current school timing conducive or detrimental to his health and his natural body rhythm? What do you think should be the optimal timing and why?

discussion point


Bam, Bam, BAM! My neighbor’s 6-year-old son was firing Nerf gun pellets against the door of

his parents’ new Audi. BAM!

His parents intervened with a display of parental discipline rarely witnessed these days. “That’s a TIME OUT!” they ordered and sent him into the

house and up to his room. His indignant howls echoed through the neighborhood.

Kids don’t like time outs. In fact, they don’t like many of the things that adults think are pretty terrific. For instance, in an informal poll, 100 percent of the adults in

my house said that they would welcome a time out. I know I would. 15 or 20 minutes to do nothing but lie on my bed and contemplate the ceiling or maybe read a few pages of the book that’s been languishing

on my nightstand sounds delightful. For a kid, however, a 15-minute time out is practically a life sentence. For an adult, it’s not a punishment – it’s the chance to take a quick nap.

Kids don’t like to take naps, either. In fact, they hate to go to bed at any time – even when it’s late and their parents have to get up early for a meeting or desperately need to have just a few minutes alone with a bottle of wine. Kids are never tired. Just ask ’em and they’ll tell you.

“Aren’t you tired?” you ask your 7-year-old, who has spent all day jumping on the couch and interrupting your phone conversations.

“No,” he’ll say. “Can we get a trampoline?”

Adults are always tired. In fact, we are exhausted. Adults can’t wait to go to bed. But kids will do anything to stay up. They will argue and stall and beg for a glass of water, another story and another check of the closet for monsters. Adults sink onto the mattress and … Zzzzzz. They are out until they hear the kids fighting over the television set at dawn. Which is

another way that you can tell who is a grown up and who is a kid.

Kids get up early. Really early. Maybe they’re so eager to rise because their parents make them go to bed while it’s still light outside, or maybe it’s because when you’re a kid, every day is full of new possibilities. You don’t have a stupid job with pointless meetings and an ego-maniac boss, or a sink full of dirty dishes from last night’s dinner or a kid who volunteered you to be the parent helper at the 3rd grade Colonial Faire. When you’re a kid, there’s nothing to make you want to spend the day hiding under the covers.

When they do get up, adults run straight to the bathroom to brush their teeth because they have stinky morning breath. Kids don’t. In fact, kids won’t brush their teeth at all unless an adult asks them to do it over and over and, even then, if the adult doesn’t come into the bathroom and witness the actual act, it’s likely that the child will merely turn on the faucet, wave his brush in the water and go on to live another day with skuzzy molars.

Kids view cleanliness with suspicion. They yell as if they’re being tortured if you try to clip their toenails, comb their hair or scrub their faces with a washcloth. Grownups, however, pay perfectly good money to have people perform these tasks at places called salons.

Kids are also brutally honest. “Gramma, who let all the air out of your arms?” my son once asked my mother in-law. If you want to know if you have flabby arms, if the wrinkles under your eyes look like a tic-tac-toe grid or if your breath smells like clams – just ask your kid. A grown-up, even if that grown-up is your husband, will not tell you the truth when you ask, “Do these Capri pants make me look fat?”

If he did, he’d get a time out. n

CAROL BAND IS A JOURNALIST BY TRAINING

AND MOM BY CHANCE. THIS ARTICLE WAS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN HER COLUMN

‘HOUSEHOLD WORD’ BY DOMINION PARENTING

MEDIA. PLEASE SEND YOUR FEEDBACK TO

[email protected] WITH A CC TO

[email protected].

TIME OUTCarol Band

lighter vein

Relationships I Health I Nature I Culture I Learning I ActivitiesParent Circle

Parent CircleVolume 1 Issue 5 September 2011 Price ` 40

The house of your dreams. It takes shape. Brick by brick, layered with cement - in between.

To create a bond, as strong as the bonds of love, That strengthen with time. Love binds families and strengthens hearts.

Ramco. A strength for your home. A dream that'll last - forever!

Madras Cements Ltd. Corporate Office: 'Auras Corporate Centre', V Floor, 98 - A, Dr. Radhakrishnan Road, Mylapore, Chennai - 600 004. India. Tel: 91 - 44 - 2847 8666 Fax: 91 - 44 - 2847 8676

Like relationships,it strengthens with time!

For the Parent in You!

RNI NO. TNENG/2011/38388

september 2011 full issue

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