september - jim de piante - the soft part is the hard...
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The soft part is the hard part.
Jim De Piante, PMP Executive Project Manager
IBM Research
Toward soft skills mastery.
Intel Core i7-3960x
• 6 physical cores • Base clock speed 3.33 GHz • Max turbo speed 3.9 GHz • 3 channels DDR3-1066 • 12 threads for applications • 12MB of L3 cache
2 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Intel Core i7-3960x
• 6 physical cores • Base clock speed 3.33 GHz • Max turbo speed 3.9 GHz • 3 channels DDR3-1066 • 12 threads for applications • 12MB of L3 cache
3 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
To realize the value
• Get what’s in out • Contacts increase
– Complexity – Cost – Size – Weight
12 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
To realize the value
• Get what’s in out • Contacts increase
– Complexity – Cost – Size – Weight
13 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
To realize the value
• Get what’s in out • Contacts increase
– Complexity – Cost – Size – Weight
14 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Realizing the value
• Contacts • Connections • Source of power • Channels • Communications
– Input – Output
• System • Network
15 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Becoming a master
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You need soft skills
to realize the value
of your hard skills.
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Project manager hard skills
• PMs require two kinds – Technical (domain) – Project management
• Conceiving ideas • Solving problems • Managing projects
• To realize the value • Invest in soft skills
– Ourselves – Stakeholders
19 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Realizing the value
• How can I – Realize the value? – Achieve mastery?
• What are soft skills?
– Some examples – A definition
20 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Examples of soft skills
• Leadership • Selling • Negotiation • Conflict resolution • Persuasion • Explanation • Advising • Networking • Teaching • Public speaking • Rapport building • Writing eMail • Writing documents • Criticizing • Leading meetings • Leading conference calls • Collaboration • Problem resolution
21 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Interrelated
• Many and varied • Complex • Interrelated • Interdependent
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Selling – Networking – Rapport building – Explanation – Persuasion – Negotiation – Advising – Writing eMail – Writing documents – Leading meetings – Collaboration – Problem resolution
How can I
master
them all?
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Codification of soft skills
• Possible to codify soft skills? • There’s PMBOK® Guide • Soft skills defy codification • Not knowledge • Application of behaviors • Infinite possibilities
• Foundational skills • A good definition
23 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Soft skills
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The ability to engage with and
interact effectively with others.
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Soft skills
• Managing relationships • Communications
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The ability to engage with and
interact effectively with others.
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Soft skills mastery
• Mastering communications
• First step: Accept complete responsibility for the entire transaction
• What can you do working from only one side?
27 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
The convention of language
• Agreed meaning • Includes gestures • Changes with context
– Temporal – Geographical – Cultural – Professional – Familial – Circumstances
33 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Maloik
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• University of Texas: Longhorns • Italy: Offensive gesture • Italy: Ward off “evil eye” • Heavy Metal: “Rock on” • Canada: Mildly offensive gesture • Baseball: Two outs
Steps to mastery (conventions)
• Know which conventions are operating • Master the relevant conventions • Where there is none, learn or translate
39 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Images and other means
• Use images – Diagrams – Drawings – Photographs – Other
• Reduce ambiguity • Images are
– Precise – Memorable – Powerful – Visual
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• Other means – Sounds – Gestures – Props
is worth
1*10-3 pictures.
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Steps to mastery (precision)
• Communicate with precision • Understand the person’s context • Use images and other means • Write it down
49 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Garbage out, garbage in
• Think before speaking • Organize thoughts • Sketch, diagram • Outline • Mind map • Write things down • Hear yourself speak
50 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Complexity
• Reduce complexity – Analyze – Decompose – Recompose – Synthesize – Categorize – Organize
• Understand
• Simplify
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Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
– Leonardo Da Vinci
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Too much information
• Optimize • Less is more • Say what needs to be said
– Not more – Not less
52 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Steps to mastery (clarity)
• Organize your thinking • Simplify your ideas • Give optimal level of information
53 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
A process fraught with peril
• Complex and error prone • Noise and interference • Words limit us • Words are ambiguous • Obscure meanings
54 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Ambiguity rules
• Assumptions about – What we know – What the other person knows
• We ignore ambiguity • We accept imprecision • We make errors of fact • We remember incorrectly
55 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Confusion reigns
• Imprecise understanding • Accept imprecision • Hear what they want to hear • Hear what they need to hear • Disorganized in our thinking • Disinclined to listen • More inclined to talk
56 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Certainty and uncertainty
• Puzzled look makes it obvious – They know they don’t understand – You know you don’t understand
• Natural feedback loop
• But what if…
– They think they understand but don’t – You think you understand but don’t
57 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Certainty and uncertainty
• Puzzled look makes it obvious – They know they don’t understand – You know you don’t understand
• Natural feedback loop
• But what if…
– They think they understand but don’t – You think you understand but don’t
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Ask!
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
I know you believe…
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I know that you believe you understand what
you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize
that what you heard is not what I meant.
– Robert McCloskey
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Unsaid
• What’s unsaid – By you – By them
• Make the implicit explicit – Probe – Dig – Ask
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It's not what you don't know that will hurt
you, it's what you know that just ain't so.
– Satchel Paige
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Steps to mastery (feedback)
• Paraphrase to ensure you understand • Ask to ensure that the other person understands • Ask to know what should have been said
61 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Purpose
• My purpose • Your purpose
• Our purpose
62 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Everybody wins
• Not a zero sum game – I can win – You can win
• Seek to meet their needs by achieving your purpose
• Find the synergy
63 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Steps to mastery (purpose)
• Know your purpose • Know the other person’s purpose • Help them to know • Meet their needs by achieving
your own purpose
64 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
The question
• Powerful tool to ensure understanding • Communications mastery • Soft skills mastery
• Someone asks you a question
– You begin to answer – They are not listening – Or they start talking
65 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
The question
• Powerful tool to ensure understanding • Communications mastery • Soft skills mastery
• Someone asks you a question
– You begin to answer – They are not listening – Or they start talking
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Have you ever been that person?
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Most powerful thing you can say
• Make yourself understood • People will be eager to work with you • Guaranteed to improve communication • Will ensure mutual understanding • Will earn respect and admiration of others
• On your way to consummate soft skills mastery
67 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
When you are silent
• In a better position to listen • Not a result of “technique” • Follows from empathy
– Consider the other – Understand their purpose – Want what they want
69 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
When you are silent
• In a better position to listen • Not a result of “technique” • Follows from empathy
– Consider the other – Understand their purpose – Want what they want
70
If after five minutes you still have not made your point, it is because you are not listening.
– Jim De Piante
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Listen for understanding
• Empathy is not – Sympathy – Agreement
• Helps you understand • Key to being understood • Shared understanding • Transference of meaning • Communication
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Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
– Steven Covey
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Remember our examples
• Leadership • Selling • Negotiation • Conflict resolution • Persuasion • Explanation • Advising • Networking • Teaching • Public speaking • Rapport building • Writing eMail • Writing documents • Criticizing • Leading meetings • Leading conference calls • Collaboration • Problem resolution
72 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Remember our examples
• Leadership • Selling • Negotiation • Conflict resolution • Persuasion • Explanation • Advising • Networking • Teaching • Public speaking • Rapport building • Writing eMail • Writing documents • Criticizing • Leading meetings • Leading conference calls • Collaboration • Problem resolution
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Can’t master them individually. Need a simplified approach.
© 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Simplified approach to mastery
• Engage and interact • Managing relationships • Communications • Shared understanding • Understand to be understood • Based on empathy
• Be empathetic
– Listen – Understand – Be understood – Communicate – Mastery
74 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Simplified approach to mastery
• Engage and interact • Managing relationships • Communications • Shared understanding • Understand to be understood • Based on empathy
• Be empathetic
– Listen – Understand – Be understood – Communicate – Mastery
75 © 2011 Jim De Piante The Soft Part is the Hard Part
Consummate mastery
• Stay “other-focused” • Empathize • Listen to understand • Everything else will follow
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Consummate mastery
• Mastery consists in striving • It’s about the journey • It’s about understanding
– Others – Yourself
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The soft part is the hard part.
Send me an invitation on . [email protected]
Toward soft skills mastery.
Jim De Piante, PMP