seta 3 perceived reality
TRANSCRIPT
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It's not what I'm doing, it's what you think I'm doing.
Return on Relationship
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Relationship Management
The single most important measure of business success in the 21st Century
Every circle of influence requires relationship management
Perceived reality is reality I have to know what you think before I can
know what I need to do
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Relationship Management
The simple steps for managing perceived reality
It starts – and ends – with me
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First Things First
The single most important ingredient in relationship influence is:
ATTITUDE
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Attitude Evaluation
1. The Reality Check
Am I getting the responses I really want?
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Attitude Evaluation
2. Responsibility Check
What attitude signals am I sending out?
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Attitude Evaluation
3. Adjustment Check
What can I do to reset the relationship temperature?
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Relationship Temperature
Thermometer: Measuring Perceived Reality
Thermostat: Adjusting Perceived Reality
Standard Temperature and Pressure: Set by the vertical relationship – the BIGGER values of my life
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
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Response to Criticism
How much of your personal self-worth is subject to the input of others?
How well do you “measure up”? Have you established a baseline that
depends only on your vertical relationship? Do you have your values in place? Do you encourage feedback from all?
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
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Empowering Others
Empowering means transferring what I do and what I know to someone else
Compliance is not empowering Have I made a tangible commitment to
show someone else how to do what I do? Who is my apprentice? “I call you friends”
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
3. Authority vs. Control
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Authority vs. Control
Authority – what is given to me by another De jure or de facto The essence of influence is invitation Every follower is be a volunteer “Come after me”
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
3. Authority vs. Control
4. Emotional Discipline
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Emotional Discipline
Reaction vs. Response An attitude of identification Do I first ask “How do they feel?” The Fearless Moral Inventory “counting the cost”
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
3. Authority vs. Control
4. Emotional Discipline
5. Handling Fears
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Handling Fears
The biggest roadblock to successful relationships
Fear is a one-way mirror Fear-based relationships avoid truth and
hide feelings If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love
me “Do you love me?”
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
3. Authority vs. Control
4. Emotional Discipline
5. Handling Fears
6. Demonstrating Compassion
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Demonstrating Compassion
Not sympathy, not empathy, not proxy delegation
Greek – gut reaction Why I must act! How am I demonstrating the heart of
compassion? “Jesus wept.”
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7 Relationship Temperature Controls
1. Response to Criticism
2. Empowering Others
3. Authority vs. Control
4. Emotional Discipline
5. Handling Fears
6. Demonstrating Compassion
7. Exhibiting Humility
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Exhibiting Humility
The Level 5 Leader Not a state of being (character) Hebrew – ana = act of the will (decision) Putting the highest value into action The serving leader
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What does Upside Down Leadership look like? I decide To make You My friend Regardless of your response
Friendship: It’s my call!
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FRIENDSHIPTHE 1% SOLUTION
How can I make a 1% difference
TODAY?
St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words”