Show, Don’t Tell

• Mavis was angry when she heard what the umpire said.

• Show me through a series of actions what you saw in your mind.

• Shaking her head back and forth, Mavis pounded home plate with her fist after the umpire shouted, “ You’re out!”

• Again show me what you saw in your mind.

• Which sentence showed you Mavis’s anger?

• Which sentence offered you the most details?

• Which sentence painted the most specific picture in your mind?

Strategies writers use to show what is happening

include:• Describing the character’s actions rather than just saying how he or she feels.

• Using active verbs.• Describing a specific setting.• Using similes and metaphors to create

images. • Using dialogue.• Showing what the character is thinking.• Appealing to some of the five senses to

paint a picture of what is happening.

Freedom• I lean forward and pedal my bike real hard

into the park. My tires zoom over the hot blacktop and the cool wind touches my face. The bike path goes around the picnic area, the golf course, and along the river. I ride over hills and around curves. Lots of fall trees flash past my eyes. A bird flies alongside me, until he gets tired and pulls away. The sun peeks in and out of shadows. My heart beats as fast as my feet pedal. This is freedom.

• Active verbs help to show, rather than tell. Which verbs grab your attention and take you into this scene?

• Which verbs seem blah and don’t help you paint a picture in your mind?

• Do you see or feel any of the author’s experiences from this writing? Which images pull you into this bike ride?

• Which images are uninteresting and keep you from entering the scene?

Freedom• I lean forward on my bike and pedal fast. My

tires move over the pavement and the wind hits my face. The path goes around the picnic area, golf course, and river. Many colorful trees are on my sides. A bird is next to me, but then it goes away. The sun moves in and out of shadows. It’s fun. My heart goes fast and so do my feet. Freedom.

• Active verbs help to show, rather than tell. Which verbs grab your attention and take you into this scene?

• Which verbs seem blah and don’t help you paint a picture in your mind?

• Do you see or feel any of the author’s experiences from this writing? Which images pull you into this bike ride?

• Which images are uninteresting and keep you from entering the scene?

Freedom Ride• With my head pushed forward like the bow of a boat, I pump my

bike fast and hard into the park. Whoosh! My tires press against the hot blacktop, while cool air brushes my face. Like a ribbon, the bike path loops around the picnic area, through the golf course, and along the river, carrying me effortlessly over the hills around curves. Acres of autumn trees flash a colorful border just outside my focus. A songbird races alongside me, but soon falls behind and veers into the woods. The sun plays peek-a-boo jumping out from shadows right in front of me. Push. Speed. Exhilaration. My heart beats in rhythm with my pedals and I realize that this is what freedom feels like today.

• Active verbs help to show, rather than tell. Which verbs grab your attention and take you into this scene?

• Which verbs seem blah and don’t help you paint a picture in your mind?

• Do you see or feel any of the author’s experiences from this writing? Which images pull you into this bike ride?

• Which images are uninteresting and keep you from entering the scene?

Overview1. Show the reader what is happening with specific,

active verbs: pump, press, brushes, loops, flash, and races.

2. Paint pictures in the mind of the reader with precise language: like the bow of a boat, like a ribbon, the bike path loops, autumn trees flash a colorful border just outside my focus.

3. Include indicators of emotion: Push. Speed. Exhilaration; this is what freedom feels like today.

4. Include the thoughts or feelings of a character, if possible: this is what freedom feels like today.

5. Add dialogue to take the reader to the scene when there is more than one character.

6. Eliminate any uninteresting words or phrases; make every word count.

So what can YOU do to include more show, not tell?1. Use images that appeal to the five

senses.2. Describe what a person does, instead of

saying what feeling he or she has. 3. Select strong, active verbs that help paint

a picture in the reader’s mind. 4. Include the actual thoughts or words

spoken when you can.5. Read your writing to a friend and ask,

“Can you find at least four places where my writing is showing this scene to the reader?”

6. Use similes or metaphors wherever possible to enhance the imagery.