GCSE English Language – Paper 1

SHS English Faculty Examiner’s Report

Your English Teachers have marked one question each and have the following advice for you following

your mock exam. Make sure that you read their feedback, look at the common errors to see which ones

you made, do the activities set (which are designed to improve your skills for that particular question) and

look at the model answers they have written for you to learn from the content and style of their writing.

If you have any more questions about a particular exam question, you can talk to the staff below or your

own English teacher for further guidance.

Section A - Reading

Question 1 – Mr Holland

Examiner’s Report: Generally, candidates made a good attempt at this question and attempted to follow the rubric closely. Candidates showed a generally selectivity which showed that they had considered the requirements of an AO1 question requiring them to be selective in their choices. Candidates who were not as successful in this question tended either towards not providing five separate pieces of information or attempting to go beyond simply listing things that we learned about Ruby. Other candidates struggled because they failed to follow the specific lines required of them, instead writing out the summary information provided to them beforehand.

Common Errors:

Making inferences about Ruby e.g. she is funny because she “attempted a conversation with the parrot”

Referring outside of lines 1 to 5 e.g. she “is a young girl” or “has a sister”

Not giving 5 separate details

Saying Ruby had lots of pets- she worked in a pet shop and “was not allowed to have pets” of her own.

Model Answers: (a)

Ruby gave the pets lots of attention.

She tried to talk to the parrot.

She thought her destiny was running a pet shop.

Her father ran a pet shop now.

She was not allowed to have her own pets. (5) This answer simply lists 5 facts clearly and only lists things we learn about Ruby not the animals in the shop.

(b) Ruby was kind and caring because “all the pets received a lot of attention. She “attempted a conversation with the parrot”. She “was going to run a pet shop” and her “father before” her had. She was not “allowed to have pets.” “All the pets” would be hers eventually. (5)

This answer embeds short quotations into concise sentences that tackle exactly what we learn about Ruby.

(c) Ruby was a caring person as she looked after lots of pets. She was lonely as she tried to talk to a parrot. She hoped to run a pet shop when she was older and hoped it would be the one her father ran. Ruby wasn’t allowed pets of her own. (5)

This answer considers the more implicit meanings of the extract, but has only chosen implicit

meanings that are very clear in the text and are factual or have a factual basis (e.g. caring BECAUSE she looks after the pets). Any of these approaches to this question are valid, and all candidates completed the questions in a limited number of words, saving time for the responses that required longer and more involved answers.

DIRT Activities: Task 1: Read the question below and highlight the key rubric (command) words in it.

01 Read Lines 1-6 of the extract below. List five things that we learn about the Old Sea Dog. Extract from ‘Treasure Island’- In this extract, Jim describes an Old Sea Dog who enters his father’s inn.

I remember him as if it were yesterday, as he came plodding to the inn door, his sea-chest following behind him in a hand-barrow--a tall, strong, heavy, nut-brown man, his tarry pigtail falling over the shoulder of his soiled blue coat, his hands ragged and scarred, with black, broken nails, and the sabre cut across one cheek, a dirty, livid white. I remember him looking round the cover and whistling to himself as he did so, and then breaking out in that old sea-song that he sang so often afterwards: "Fifteen men on the dead man's chest-- Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!" in the high, old tottering voice that seemed to have been tuned and broken at the capstan bars. Then he rapped on the door with a bit of stick like a handspike that he carried, and when my father appeared, called roughly for a glass of rum. This, when it was brought to him, he drank slowly, like a connoisseur, lingering on the taste and still looking about him at the cliffs and up at our signboard. "This is a handy cove," says he at length; "and a pleasant sittyated grog-shop. Much company, mate?" My father told him no, very little company, the more was the pity. "Well, then," said he, "this is the berth for me. Here you, matey," he cried to the man who trundled the barrow; "bring up alongside and help up my chest. I'll stay here a bit," he continued. "I'm a plain man; rum and bacon and eggs is what I want, and that head up there for to watch ships off. What you mought call me? You mought call me captain. Oh, I see what you're at-- there"; and he threw down three or four gold pieces on the threshold. "You can tell me when I've worked through that," says he, looking as fierce as a commander. And indeed bad as his clothes were and coarsely as he spoke, he had none of the appearance of a man who sailed before the mast, but seemed like a mate or skipper accustomed to be obeyed or to strike. The man who came with the barrow told us the mail had set him down the morning before at the Royal George, that he had inquired what inns there were along the coast, and hearing ours well spoken of, I suppose, and described as lonely, had chosen it from the others for his place of residence. And that was all we could learn of our guest.

Task 2: Complete the table below for lines 1-5:

Facts I learn about the Old Sea-dog

(Explicit meaning)

What this implies

(Implicit meaning)

He “plodded in”

He is “strong” and “heavy” Suggests power, possibly danger

He was a large man

5

10

15

25

20

His skin is “nut brown”

He wears a “soiled blue coat”

He has had a tough life.

He has been in sword fights.

Task 3: Using the table, write up an answer to Question 01. Task 4: Now, attempt this question- 01 Read lines 7-20. List five more things that we learn about the Old Sea-Dog

Question 2 – Mrs Stark

Examiner’s Report: All students attempted this question and most offered a sensible range of impressions of the family with appropriate evidence to support their ideas. It was fairly clear that the Lennox family lived rather separate lives and the girls kept to themselves. Patricia seemed particularly isolated, hiding herself away in her room, but Ruby also played alone in her room with only her teddy for company. Many students understood that both the mother and father were struggling to cope. Overall, it was clear enough that they were not exactly the perfect family and some students went as far as to describe them as dysfunctional, which is a far enough assessment. Those students who supported their comments with well-chosen examples from the text and made some reference to relevant subject terminology did well and were able to access the top band of marks. Some weaker responses tried to argue that the Lennox family were caring and ‘normal’ or ‘just a traditional family’.

Common Errors:

Students didn’t consider why Ruby’s mother takes a “double dose” of tablets and what this says about her state of mind.

A significant minority of students referred to text outside of the lines stated on the exam paper.

Most students chose accurate and relevant quotations from the text. The higher scoring answers were from students who were able to pick out specific words and analyse the impact on the reader.

Generally, there was very little reference to how language was used, students tended to just make points about the family supported by a quote.

Writer does not have a double t in the middle!

Some answers were repetitive, stating the same thing in different ways. In this instance, students were not picking up any marks for large chunks of their answers.

Use of subject terminology was minimal.

Some students mistakenly thought that the mother was a hardworking mother because she was

cooking and cleaning; they ignored the fact that she was burning the food and had “abandoned” the “piles” of ironing – clearly she did not have things under control.

Sometimes students went too far in their interpretation of the father, stating that he was an alcoholic. Whilst he clearly had been drinking when he returned “tripping” and “cursing” and was out “as usual”, it was a step too far to suggest that he was an alcoholic and the evidence from the text did not support this view.

Model Answers: 5 mark answers include accurate and perceptive comments about the Lennox family and provide detailed analysis of how language is used to achieve effects and influence the reader. For example: The Lennox family seem to be a rather dysfunctional family with strained relationships between the parents, and the children and the parents. The parents are presented very differently to each other with the father throwing down a can of paraffin “with a clonk and a slosh” whilst the mother gives “the chip pan a cautious little shake”. The onomatopoeic words “clonk” and “slosh” have connotations of carelessness whilst the mother’s “cautious” shake suggest that she is overly careful. The reader is given the impression that these parents have nothing in common. 3 mark answers give some impressions of the Lennox family and begin to show some understanding of how language is used to achieve effects and influence the reader. For example: The exchange between Ruby and her mother shows tension between them. The mother snaps at Ruby when she says “Just get her Ruby”; the tone of this is harsh and sounds like a demand rather than a request.

DIRT Activities: Activity 1:

Activity 2: Go back through your answer and add relevant subject terminology and explain how the writer uses language.

Detail from the text Key word / technique What impression of the family

does this create?

“an enormous can of paraffin in each hand, which he deposited with a clank and a slosh” “ ‘careful’, my mother warned” “giving the chip pan a cautious little shake”

How are the mother and father different to each other?

“double dose of sleeping pills”

“dropped into oblivion on her bed.”

“I was dreaming about the end of the world and so it was in some ways”

Question 3 – Mrs Haile

Examiner’s Report: Strengths:

The vast majority attempted the question well.

Most recognised that this was a 10 mark question and the response needed to be around one side of A4 and at least 2 paragraphs long to attain above 6 marks.

Most recognised that the examiner was looking to reward accurate recognition of language techniques used and a discussion/analysis of these effects upon the reader.

Many students sensibly tracked and quoted from the correct lines in a chronological order. Doing this allowed them to explain or analyse how the writer shows the fire grew in intensity and the escalating danger.

At the very top end, some perceptive interpretations explored how the writer presented the fire as if it was a diabolic predatory force, or an inquisitive, destructive child.

Difficulties/common errors:

Some students did not simply write enough for a 10 mark response and did not use enough evidence/quotes from the source.

Some students labelled language techniques and word groups incorrectly. For example, nouns labelled as verbs and personification labelled as a metaphor. (Middle)

Some struggled with explaining or analysing the effect of language used by the writer. They would explain that personification was used but not why and what it made the reader think. (Middle)

Some students did not stick to the correct, specified lines from the source text. Therefore any evidence selected and used in the response was not worthy of credit. (Lower ability)

Some higher ability students did not progress above 7 marks as they began to analyse but had little interpretation of effect. Quotations were not unpacked at word level.

Common Errors:

Difficulties/common errors:

Some students did not simply write enough for a 10 mark response and did not use enough evidence/quotes from the source.

Some students labelled language techniques and word groups incorrectly. For example, nouns labelled as verbs and personification labelled as a metaphor. (Middle)

Some struggled with explaining or analysing the effect of language used by the writer. They would explain that personification was used but not why and what it made the reader think. (Middle)

Some students did not stick to the correct, specified lines from the source text. Therefore any evidence selected and used in the response was not worthy of credit. (Lower ability)

Some higher ability students did not progress above 7 marks as they began to analyse but had little interpretation of effect. Quotations were not unpacked at word level.

Model Answers: The writer uses effective language choices to create tension and anticipation throughout these lines. The description of the iron being ‘forgotten’ and ‘abandoned’ foreshadows the danger that follows. The repetition of the iron ‘getting hotter and hotter’ and the dynamic verb and adverbial choices of ‘began to sizzle and burn’ reinforces to the reader that the family are in immediate danger. The writer then effectively personifies the fire as an inquisitive child that starts to explore the house, increasing in ferocity and strength as the flames spread. ‘The flames then found the wood…were happy for a time’. Personifying the devastating fire as an innocent child is ironic and has a shocking impact upon the reader, as the same flames are posing a risk to the lives of a young child and her family. The intensity of the flames is shown to grow as ‘a particularly energetic flame stretched up’ and ‘greedily gobbled’ up everything. The alliteration ‘greedily gobbled’ personifies the fire as an evil predator and unstoppable force that will indiscriminately take what it wants, this contrasts with the image of the fire being an inquisitive, playful child that is again created in the lines that follow this. The writer shows how the fire was ‘popping

its head out of the door’ and was looking for ‘wonderful things to play with’. The desperation of the mother is shown clearly through the repetition of the narrator’s name ‘Ruby! Ruby!’ The writer uses the exclamatory dialogue here to reinforce the panic in the mother’s voice to the reader.

5 marks

DIRT Activities:

1) Consider the writer’s use of dynamic verbs, adverbs and adjectives in the lines for this question. Read again and highlight the different word groups in different colours.

2) Next underline or circle the writer’s use of alliteration and personification used to present the fire.

3) Now, use the chart to scaffold your analysis of the effect of the language techniques used by the

writer:

Language Technique & evidence

Effect of the language technique upon the reader…

What does this make the reader think about the fire?

Alliteration ‘greedily gobbled’

Question 4 – Miss Colclough

How does the writer make these lines exciting and dramatic?

Examiner’s Report: Most students attempted this question and nobody tried to answer on an incorrect section of the text, suggesting that you had read the instructions in bold. This question was assessing students on AO2 and, in general, students did well to find relevant details from the text. However, many took a general approach and tried to analyse language without a focus on the actual question. Additionally, many tried to write about tone without really understanding what tone is and this led to some worrying lapses in understanding. The section of the text students were asked to look at was short, but there was lots to say about how excitement and drama were built; students who tracked the text and selected a range of relevant details were more successful than those who tried to write lots about one or two details. There are plenty of fairly obvious things to say about the writer’s methods here and any students who tried to make references to marriage (“veiled”) or made too much of “In different circumstances this could have been fun” showed that they didn’t have a grasp on the question. Additionally, students who spent too long talking about sentence structure couldn’t decide whether it was long sentences or short sentences that made the extract dramatic.

Common Errors:

You don’t need to write a full plan for this question, but I would recommend choosing which points you want to make before starting your answer. You can make these notes on the extract as annotations so you don’t waste time in the exam.

Stick to the question – some of you wrote about language, tone or mood that wasn’t relevant to the question (for example, “this creates a melancholy tone” or “this makes us feel sympathy for the girls”, even though the question was about excitement and drama).

Track the section of the text that you have been asked to write about highlighting anything that is relevant. Your written response should then deal with these annotations (or a selection of them) in turn. Don’t jump about the text.

Check your style of writing is helpful – those of you who chose a quote then wrote 4 or more lines exploring that quote minutely were less successful than those of you who selected lots of details from the text and embedded them into your answer to show how the drama and excitement builds through the extract.

Stop saying “The quote…”. Instead, say the word, line, phrase, sentence, metaphor…..

There were some fundamental misunderstandings of the language in the extract – “hysterical” does not mean that Ruby found the fire funny. Look up the meaning of the word. In the future, if the word you are analysing is incongruous with the content of the text, avoid talking about it.

Please learn how to spell “breathe” (and why breathe is different to breath).

Be careful with your analysis. Saying that sentences are “short and snappy” is not analysis and doesn’t mean anything. You need to refer to the effect that these short sentences have on the reader (accurately) to get analysis marks. Many students made the error of talking about how short sentences make you read faster and so this adds to the desperation. This would be accurate except that there are also complex, long sentences which disprove your point.

Be careful with the length of quotes you select. You’ll struggle to make quotes longer than 6 words meaningful. You may find that you need to occasionally but the majority of your quotes should be less than 6 words.

Many of you made errors when writing about tone. Revise this with your teacher.

The following empty phrases are banned. Do not EVER use them in your writing: - This makes the reader want to read on - This makes the reader want to find out what happened. - This creates an image in the reader’s mind.

Model Answers: The writer uses the adverb “quickly” to provide urgency and drama. Patricia is described as “veiled in smoke” creating a horrifying image that the smoke is surrounding her and she can’t escape. There is also irony that Ruby had been dreaming about “the end of the world” and now the fire was reflecting her dream. This is also supported by the change in tense at the start of this extract – the present tense makes the fire seem more urgent and immediate. Another use of an adverb “urgently” builds up a sense of panic in the reader, because we see how worried Patricia is. The use of short dialogue further creates this sense of urgency . The three words “Fire, Ruby, Fire” strike fear and create intensity. Further use of adverbs such as “unsteadily” make the reader feel that the girls are being affected by the fire and this creates more drama. The smoke is also getting into their bodies and affecting them “the smoke rasping her throat” makes the reader feel anxious that the fire is affecting them piece by piece and we urge them to get out. The writer uses the language to dramatise the fire “as if all the fires of hell were behind it”. Atkinson also uses the adverb “immediately” to show how fast it has affected them. Drama is also added by the use of the metaphor “We’re human chimneys” which exaggerates just how much smoke is engulfing them. Again, the use of short sentences “help me” show that they feel that they need help to get out of the fire and the word “incineration” powerfully reflects their fear.

6 marks

The writer makes these lines exciting and dramatic by putting Ruby and Patricia’s lives at risk. As soon as

Ruby wakes up, she describes it (in present tense to create a sense of immediacy) as her eyes being open “yet not like being awake”. This conveys the impression that Ruby may believe she is still dreaming and the fire is not real. However, when Patricia “tugged” Ruby out of bed, the situation becomes real. The writer repeats the phrase “end of the world” suggesting that the girls are petrified and creating tension. Furthermore, as the girls “urgently” tried to seek safety, “a fit of coughing and splutters” erupts. This creates a dramatic atmosphere as the reader doesn’t know if the girls will make it to safety or not. In addition, Patricia “whispers” to Ruby when alerting her to the fire. The writer suggests that this was because she “didn’t want the fire to hear”. The personification of the fire creates the sense that if the fire were to hear the girls, it would come after them and attack them. Furthermore, the writer shows the girls were “gasping and retching hanging onto each other”, which creates a dramatic atmosphere because it shows that the girls are now struggling to escape the fire and the writer uses the powerful verbs to show their difficulties. Moreover, the writer describes that Ruby and Patricia have become “human chimneys” suggesting that the smoke has completely engulfed their bodies. Finally, we can see how desperately Ruby wants to escape when she gets “hysterical” and falls to the floor and prays “to be saved from incineration” – this emotive language linked to the idea of “incineration” conveys Ruby’s fear and desperation.

8 marks

DIRT Activities: Task 1: Think carefully about the effect of language linked to the question. Look at the following examples and complete the grid by exploring what language has been used and how this language makes the lines exciting and dramatic.

Detail from the text Key word / technique Effect of the language to create

drama / excitement

“Patricia is veiled in smoke”

“fit of coughing and splutters”

“as if she didn’t want the fire to hear”

“the smoke rasping her throat”

“the fires of Hell were behind it”

“have to stagger back inside… We’re human chimneys”

“flings everything”

“hopelessly stuck”

“pray frantically to be saved from incineration”

Task 2: Go through the extract again and look for all of the following examples of drama / excitement. Highlight them and annotate with notes on how they make the text dramatic / exciting.

- Change in tense gives sense of immediacy. - “quickly” – Ruby is woken suddenly and urgently by an unnamed voice. - Her initial lack of understanding adds to the tension – this builds to her panic and fear so the

structure of the extract builds action. - There is obvious danger – the reader knows a fire is dangerous. - “veiled” – the room is full of smoke. - “like burnt sausages” – there is a smell of burning. - “tugging” – Patricia is desperate to get Ruby up. - Ruby has a sense of confusion / unease / doesn’t understand. - Patricia coughs (and all vocabulary to explore this) - Patricia explains there is a fire - “Unsteadily” – the fire is already affecting them - Patricia thinks they may be trapped.

- Her whisper is actually the effect of the smoke. - Vivid imagery – “cautiously” and “fires of Hell”. - They “choke” and “stagger” – verbs suggest the smoke is dangerous. - Further verbs show their reaction is fearful – “gasping and retching” and “hanging onto each

other”. - Metaphor – “human chimneys”. - They are trapped and Patricia tries to protect them. - The window id “hopelessly stuck” – they are trapped. - Ruby becomes “hysterical” - She drops to her knees and prays “frantically” – adverb suggests panic. - They are faced with “incineration” -

Task 3: Now you have found all of the examples in the text, re-write your answer (timed for 10-15 minutes) to try to get full marks.

Question 5 – Miss Welsh

Examiner’s Report: This type of question, asking for critical evaluation of a text assesses AO4. The question focused on the development of Patricia as a character but, as the bullet points made clear, it involved the passage as a whole and also some evaluation of the authorial method. Some candidates did not get beyond a simple personal response to the character (and so were limited to 4/5 marks). Better responses attempted to comment on the development of the character in the passage as a whole and provide some textual support. However, the candidates at the top of the range showed not only critical awareness and clear engagement with the text but also a willingness to explore how the writer had created particular effects and how these had shaped their response to Patricia. Additionally, students who struggled with this question tended to treat it like it was an AO2 question and simply analysed language rather than developing an answer to the actual question being asked: to what extent they agree with the statement.

Common Errors:

Grammar – it is would have, not of

Characters’ names need capital letters, as do the start of sentences

Avoid ‘empty’ analysis – technique spotting is not enough – you need to discuss the effect of the language and structure LINKED TO THE SPECIFIC QUESTION rather than simply stating what it is.

Make sure that quotes are direct and appropriate – try to stick to no more than six words per quote. There will only been 1-3 key words needed for really detailed analysis.

Students who achieved higher marks did so by including a more balanced argument; track the text and include details of how Patricia is presented at different moments in the extract. For example: Patricia is presented as a heroine as… However, later on in the extract, Patricia may actually be seen as rather selfish and careless due to…

Model Answers: From a 5 mark answer: I agree with this view as it is Patricia who manages to find a way out of the house. She is the person who uses her initiative to ‘smash’ the window as she is ‘more practical’. Patricia is presented as brave and smart as she knows what to do and ‘really paid attention at Girl Guides’. Her bravery is shown as she turns to comfort Ruby, saying ‘it’ll be alright’. Patricia’s heroic nature is shown when she insists that ‘someone’s got to help the pets.’

From a 10 mark answer: I agree, as Patricia ‘smashes’ the window to save herself and her sister which shows true bravery. She ‘takes the rug’ and ‘puts it over the broken glass’ to prevent Ruby from hurting herself on the shards. Patricia is seen as clever as she knows exactly what to do, remaining calm when her sister is ‘hysterical’. Patricia assures Ruby that ‘the fire brigade will arrive soon’ although they both realise, as does the reader, that no one has actually called them. Ruby shouting ‘you can trust Patricia’ highlights to the reader just how much faith Ruby has in her sister and reminds us that she is a real heroine at this moment in the action.

DIRT Activities: Task 1: Read through the extract again and find all the evidence which suggests Patricia is a heroine in lines 50 to the end. Then find evidence that could contradict this view. Organise your ideas in a table, as shown below:

Patricia can be viewed as a heroine Patricia cannot be viewed as a heroine

Task 2: Take two examples from each column and analyse the language in detail. You should consider language and structure. For an example, see below.

Task 3: Use this excerpt from the Eduqas examiner’s report and your previous DIRT work to plan a new response. At the beginning of the passage Patricia had seemed rather detached from the family and some candidates noticed that she did not appear in the narrative at this point but emerged as a character entirely through the comments of Ruby and her mother. The writer then used the fire to develop the character and show what she was really like through her actions in the crisis. For example, it was Patricia who rescued the sleeping Ruby. She took control of the situation by pulling the covers off the bed to stop the smoke and using blouses as protective masks. Patricia was practical and sensible, smashing the window and using the rug to shield them from the broken glass. The writer also showed Patricia being sensitive and considerate to Ruby by trying to reassure and comfort her. Her feelings about the animals were also made clear by the writer as Patricia was horrified when she thinks about the pets and her face was ‘convulsed’ by a ’spasm of pain.’ Her bravery was shown when she climbed out of the window and down the drainpipe. She emerged

as ‘truly heroic’ and the writer expressed Ruby’s confidence by using phrases such as ‘I believe her’ and ‘You can trust Patricia.’ When she witnessed the fate of the animals, and the horror was made clear by the writer’s description of ‘the unforgettable smell of toasted fur and feathers’, Patricia was distraught and ‘weeping uncontrollably’. However, the ‘miracle’ happened and Rags appeared, changing Patricia’s tears to uncontrollable sobs of happiness. Task 4: Use your table (Task 1) and detailed language analysis (Task 2) to re-write your answer (10-15 minutes). Aim for full marks by writing three detailed evaluative paragraphs which include a balanced perspective.

Section B - Writing

Question 11 AO5 – Ms Harwood

Examiner’s Report: The majority of candidates made a good attempt at writing an extended piece, with only a few not attempting the question or writing a very small amount. Generally, candidates left enough time for the question, although there were some who ran out of time and were unable to finish their narrative. This section gave the candidates a choice of narrative titles and there were opportunities to write from personal experience or to create imaginative fiction. The questions offered candidates a range of topics and candidates selected from all tasks. Sadly, not everyone wrote from experience and too many lacked imagination. An imaginative narrative can be very impressive, particularly if it is not taken from the latest movie blockbuster or the internet, but there is a need for a story to pay attention to plot and characterisation and to be coherent, or at least consistent and convincing on its own terms. There is a difference between the genuinely imaginative and the far-fetched and some of the stories on display really did strain the willing suspension of disbelief. Some candidates got so caught up in fanciful, unconvincing action that they completely ignored the needs of their readers. Similarly, stories about being involved in life-threatening car accidents or military skirmishes were unconvincing as detail was not realistic and hampered narrative development. The mark-scheme for writing mentions ‘convincing detail’ and ‘purposeful development’ but both were in very short supply. (a) A Memorable Weekend.

Many candidates struggled with the notion of a weekend and the action often took place in a narrow time-frame such as an hour or two or sprawled across years, if not decades. There were some genuine attempts to write about a memorable weekend but too many were unconvincing. Those that were grounded in personal experience but that had a numerous twist, or some narrative development and detail scored more highly.

(b) Write about a time when you had to make a difficult choice or decision. This was quite a popular option but it was not always clear where the notion of a difficult choice or decision was located in the narrative. It should have been fairly straightforward to write convincingly from personal experience here and the wording of the question made it absolutely clear that this was an opportunity to write a first-person narrative.

(c) Write a story which begins: “You are not staying here on your own. Get in the car now,” my mum said in that voice which did not allow any argument. This option offered the candidates a way into a narrative but very few managed to find a clear line of development. Most abandoned the implications of the opening as quickly as possible but some wrote about reluctant visits to relatives or family holidays or shopping trips which developed in a sensible way.

(d) Write a story which ends: I feared the worst but the teacher could not stop herself from laughing. To construct a narrative which leads neatly to a specific conclusion is not easy and candidates who chose this option managed to avoid a ‘crash landing’. There were some well-crafted stories that finished with the line and had been planned well. However, some had the final line just thrown on with little narrative development.

Overall, some well-planned narratives with shape and control were written. However, the need for careful thought, planning and a narrative with ‘convincing detail’ and ‘purposeful’ development cannot be over-emphasised.

Common Errors:

Lack of paragraphing to structure work

Communication was clear, but limited in ambition – writers didn’t use a range of descriptive or narrative techniques to develop the story

Lack of character development – a good way to do this is to include dialogue

Stories or narratives set in unlikely situations which made the unbelievable

Narratives that were loosely linked to the task

Lack of planning led to an uncontrolled piece of writing that didn’t have shape or structure

Model Answers: The Decision Never did I think my Sunday morning would involve me, half-naked, looking up at a snow-coated tree. As I drowsily stumbled downstairs at nine o’clock, my mum was telling me to make sure I locked the door behind her. As any teenage boy having to wake up before sunrise would, I just mumbled in agreement because I couldn’t wait to get back into bed. “And whatever you do, don’t let Cornelius out!” my mum insisted. Cornelius was the name of my adorable, yet cunning, cat. He was like no other – I mean that in a good and bad way – but we loved him none the less. A couple of hours later, I woke up again in a blur. It was extremely cold in the house so I ventured all the way downstairs to turn the heating on and feed Cornelius. Then I saw the reason why it was so cold. The door was wide open. Amused, I said to myself, “Do you live in a barn, David?” That was the moment when my amused tone suddenly dropped. Cornelius was gone. Still in a daze because I had woken up before noon, I rushed down the road to find our beloved cat. People walking past must have thought I was insane. I was pacing down the road yelling the name of my cat, in only my red and white polka dot boxers (which, of course, my auntie bought me for Christmas). All hope was lost, or so I thought, until I heard a faint ‘purr’ from above. Initially, due to my lack of sleep, I admittedly thought he had died and gone to cat heaven to haunt me from above. However, he was in the tree. And there I was, dumbfounded by how on earth I could retrieve Cornelius. Then, almost as if it were fate, the most gorgeous, funny and amazing person at my school, who everyone lusted after, strolled on by. Shocked, I waved and expected nothing more than a laugh and a picture of me that would soon go viral on social media. “David!” Annie excitedly shouted, “what are you doing? Come to my house and put some of our spare clothes on! It’s freezing!” This was my chance! I could either wait here and save my ungrateful, stupid cat or I could get to know my future fiancé – I mean – this wonderful girl from my school. What should I do? “No thanks, I’m trying to get Cornelius out of the tree.” I shamefully replied. “Suit yourself, I guess?” Annie answered back, while walking away with the sense that I had gone slightly mental.

Without dwelling, I ran home to get supplied for my rescue mission. I grabbed some string, a cat treat and my shoes (my feet were cold). When I returned to the tree, I tied the cat treat to the end of the long strong. “Just like flying a kite,” I reassured myself, “Easy, right?” I forcefully hoisted the string over the highest branch, and slowly lowered the treat in front of the menacing face of Cornelius. I caught his attention. It was game time. Branch to branch, Cornelius leapt to keep up with the lowering treat. One final jump caused the cat to plummet towards the ground. Everything went into slow motion as the squirmed and twisted through the air, only to perfectly land on his paws. Triumphantly, I carried Cornelius home as if he were a trophy. I had returned at half past eleven, which gave me more time to sleep. This may have been the best sleep up my life, despite the fact that I was still single. All I had to show for my victory was a cat that despised me.

22+15 = 37/40

DIRT Activities: 1. Re-read your answer – using the feedback in this report and from your teacher, think about how it

could be improved and then re-write it. 2. Use past paper questions to plan a range of answers, making sure your narratives have shape,

control and structure. 3. Use past paper questions to write timed answers. Self-assess these with the assessment criteria or

bring them to the marking clinics for feedback. 4. Revise narrative techniques, such as dialogue, similes, and metaphors and make sure you are able to

use them effectively in your writing.

Question 11 AO6 – Mrs Giles

Examiner’s Report: Technical accuracy counts for a significant proportion of the available marks in writing and it is a weakness for too many candidates with too many basic errors. In narrative writing the majority of students show the ability to control tenses but problems in spelling, punctuation and sentence construction are still very much evident. Most students show a clear awareness that their technical accuracy is important in the tasks. However, it is clear that a lot of students do not focus on using accurate spelling or punctuation during writing their response. In addition to this, few students proof-read their work in order to make the necessary improvements. Too many students continue to use semi-colons inappropriately. There needs to be a real focus on how to use punctuation (especially exclamation marks and ellipsis), for effect. In fact, incorrect and overuse of some punctuation lost impact. Students need to use commas and apostrophes (both possession and omission) correctly. Homophones should be used correctly. Key examples of this include: through/threw, there/they’re/their, seems/seams, allowed/aloud, to/too, where/were/wear. Given the weighting of technical accuracy in this examination, it is a focus that would repay time and effort in making improvements. Students should particularly focus on planning and proofreading to avoid careless errors.

Common Errors: Very limited range of punctuation

Evident lack of proofreading

Homophones – There/they’re/their, weather/whether, Allowed/aloud, Your/you’re Apostrophes

Capital letters for proper nouns – particularly streets and post codes in addresses

Spellings:

Fate not fait)

Choices not choises

Losing not loosing

Noisy not noisey

Quiet and quite

Model Answers: see AO5

DIRT Activities: Task 1 – Correct the punctuation in your school books (not just English) Task 2 – Spelling test on commonly misspelled words Task 3 – Analyse the effects of punctuation in your favourite book Task 4 – Redraft your mock and peer assess with a focus on the errors outlined in the feedback.