sledge hammer - pilot script (for hbo)

8/9/2019 Sledge Hammer - Pilot Script (for HBO)

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SLEDGEHAMMER

An original comedy pilot

Written by

Alan Spencer

NEW WORLD TELEVISION

in association with

HOME BOX OFFICE

SECOND DRAFT

May 15, 1985

(Author's Birthday)



SLEDGE HAMMER!

OPENING CREDITS

FADE IN:

EXTREME CLOSEUP - A .44 MAGNUM AUTOMATIC

A .44 Magnum automatic, probably the largest and mostimposing looking handgun in the world, rests on a satinpillow. There's a mysterious beauty to this weapon as itlays there glistening.

DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC ON THE SOUNDTRACK

The camera lovingly traces every part of the Magnum as THECREDITS ROLL. Finally, a man's hand reaches into frame andpicks up the weapon. The unseen man forcefully loads a clipinto the gun using his other hand.

AS THE CREDITS END, the gun is pointed directly at the cameralens. The camera now pulls back to reveal the man wieldingthe Magnum at us... SLEDGE HAMMER. His features are chiselperfect, and he glares at us from behind the reflectorsunglasses he wears. We can make out that Hammer is wearinga snappy sports jacket along with a loud tie that doesn'tmatch. His trademark.

THE MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS

Hammer grits his teeth and speaks into the camera.

HAMMER (TO CAMERA)I'm crazy... but I know what I'mdoing.

Hammer shoots a bullet at the home audience.

SHATTERED GLASSThe television screen is now filled with the image of

shattered glass. It's as if Sledge Hammer has just shot outthe home viewer's picture tube.

END OF CREDIT SEQUENCE.



SLEDGE HAMMER!

Act One

FADE IN:

STOCK SHOT - EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - DAYAn aerial view of San Francisco.

SUPERIMPOSE LEGEND OVER SCREEN IMAGE:

SAN FRANCISCO

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

An abandoned, dilapidated old warehouse.

INT. WAREHOUSE

Amongst the numerous empty crates that fill the warehouse,three figures stand. All wear ski masks. One figure, withwild eyes and a psychotic voice, addresses the other two.

MASKED MAN (TO OTHERS)

The time has come... to teach thiscity... the meaning of the word...fear.

The masked man lets out a maniacal laugh.

EXT. MAYOR'S HOME - NIGHT

An expensive home in an affluent neighborhood.

SUPERIMPOSE LEGEND OVER SCREEN IMAGE:

THE HOME OF MAYOR JACK L. FLAMBO

A wrought iron gate protects the driveway from intruders. Agreen van silently cruises down the street with itsheadlights off.

NEW ANGLE

The green van slowly pulls up to the gate and stops. Thedriver is one of the ski masked individuals. A securityguard peers out from behind the gate as the van's side doorslides open and two other ski masked figures emerge.

GUARD (ANNOYED)

What the hell do you ski bums want?

It happens quickly. One of the masked terrorists flings adagger at the guard. The blade catches the man in thethroat. The security guard collapses like a limp rag doll.



2.

(CONT.)

MEDIUM SHOTOne of the terrorists nimbly scales the gate and opens itfrom the other side. The van creeps forward into thedriveway.

EXTREME CLOSEUP - FRANCINE FLAMBO (AGE TWENTY FOUR)FRANCINE FLAMBO, the Mayor's gorgeous daughter, lies asleep

in bed. Suddenly, a gloved hand thrusts into frame andcovers Francine's mouth with a chloroform soaked rag. Herstartled eyes open for a second, then roll up into her head.

FRANCINE'S P.O.V.Looming over Francine is the psychotic masked leader. Hiseyes blaze with the satanic insanity.

EXT. MAYOR'S HOME - NIGHTThe two masked hoodlums carry an unconscious Francine outsideto the waiting van. She's roughly tossed inside. Thevehicle escapes, along with Francine's trio of abductors,into the night.

The camera stays angled on the body of the fallen guard,lying in a pool of blood.

EXT. NEWSPAPER RACK - DAYNewspapers bearing Francine's picture on the front page filla sidewalk vending machine. The headline exclaims: MAYOR'SDAUGHTER MISSING!

A person's hand drops a quarter into the slot, lifts the lidand extracts a newspaper. Before it can reclose, anotherperson's hand catches the lid, then grabs all the remaining

papers without paying.

EXT. CITY HALL - DAY

INT. PRESS ROOMA visibly stressed MAJOR JACK L. FLAMBO stands behind thepodium in City Hall's press room. Flambo reads from aprepared statement to the reporters gathered. His voice isunderstandably strained.

MAYOR (READING)I've decided to release thefollowing statement. My daughter

apparently has been abducted. Lawenforcement officials have beennotified. (stops reading) I'llnow answer any questions I'm atliberty to.

A reporter stands.



3.

(CONT.)

1ST REPORTERDo you have any idea just who maybe responsible for the kidnapping?

MAYORNo comment.

A second reporter stands.

2ND REPORTERHave any ransom demands been made?

MAYORNo comment.

A third reporter stands.

3RD REPORTERAre any suspects presently beingsought.

MAYORNo comment.

A fourth reporter stands.

4TH REPORTERIs it true you're sexuallyimpotent?

MAYORYes.

A stern looking female journalist rises from her chair.

FEMALE JOURNALISTMr. Mayor, you've been repeatedlycriticized for ignoring this city'srising crime rate. Now that crimehas personally affected you... doyou regret your past apathy?

The Mayor shoots her a glare.

MAYOR (COLDLY)

No further questions.

The Mayor leaves the podium as the reporters murmur amongstthemselves. A few shout additional interrogatives after thedeparting politician.



4.

INT. MAYOR'S OFFICEThe Mayor stands in his office grimly watching a televisionset.

TELEVISION SCREENOn the TV screen, a male newscaster speaks while the wordEDITORIAL is projected behind him. We join him mid-sentence.

NEWSCASTER (ON TV)...and it is indeed ironic that aMayor who chose to pretend crimedoesn't exist... must now pay atragic price... possibly with hisdaughter's life. (beat) What ashmuck.

SCENE AS BEFOREThe Mayor agitatedly shuts off the TV. The intercom on theMayor's desk buzzes and he crosses over to it.

MAYOR (INTO INTERCOM)What?

SECRETARY'S VOICE (ON INTERCOM)Police Chief Reisner is here.

MAYOR (INTO INTERCOM)Send him in.

POLICE CHIEF ROBERT REISNER enters waving a piece of paper inhis hand.

REISNERMr. Mayor, one of our squad carsfound this in a phone booth. Ananonymous caller tipped us off toits location.

Reisner hands the Mayor the paper. He tensely examines it.

INSERT - RANSOM NOTEThe ransom note in the Mayor's hand is composed of letterscut out individually from a newspaper. The note reads:

WE HAVE YOUR BITCH.

PAY US ONE MILLIONDOLLARS OR WE'LL KILL HER.

DETAILS LATER.HAVE A NICE DAY.

SCENE AS BEFOREThe Mayor trembles in shock.



5.

(CONT.)

MAYOROne million dollars! Jesus H.Christ!

Reisner lowers his head, then sorrowfully speaks.

REISNER

By the way, sir. I regret toinform you that your home securityguard... died en route to thehospital.

MAYOR (SADLY)That poor man. He was like anemployee to me.

The Mayor suddenly explodes.

MAYOR (ENRAGED)Goddam it to hell! Why me?! Whyhas this happened to me?!

REISNERPlease, Mr. Mayor. It's best toremain calm right now.

MAYORCalm?! With my daughter in thehands of faceless fanatics... andthis whole Goddamn city waiting tosee what I'm gonna do?! Have youseen the TV?! The media's trying

to crucify me! Take a look!

The Mayor switches the television back on and stares,perplexed at the unusual story now being broadcast.

TELEVISION SCREENA remote news crew is on location in front of a liquor store.Standing alongside the woman reporter presently talking intothe camera, is the stoic SLEDGE HAMMER. He wears hisreflector sunglasses.

REPORTERWe're here at the scene of a liquor

store robbery that was thwarted bythe man beside me, Inspector SledgeHammer. (to Hammer) InspectorHammer, tell us what happened?



6.

(CONT.)

HAMMERWell, Miss... I was in this storewhen two thugs entered andthreatened the owner with shotguns.At that time I drew my Magnum,killed 'em both... then bought someeggs, milk and a couple loaves of

bread.

REPORTERInspector Hammer, was what you didin that store absolutely necessary?

HAMMEROh yeah. I was all out ofgroceries.

The woman reporter looks into the camera with a blankexpression.

SCENE AS BEFOREThe Mayor clicks off the TV. His eyes have lit up.

MAYORThis Sledge Hammer. Who is he?

REISNERA lunatic. He used to fire warningshots at jaywalkers. Since thatliquor store incident, I placedHammer on six months suspension...with orders not to leave his

apartment.

MAYORTake him off suspension. I wantSledge Hammer put on this case.Psychopaths have my daughter, andwe might need one to get her back!I'm going to take a stand and fightfire with fire... to save mychild's life... and my career!

REISNERBut, Mr. Mayor... the man talks to

his gun... like it's a person.

MAYOR (FURIOUS)Goddamn it, Reisner! This isn'topen for discussion! I want SledgeHammer! (beat) That's an order!



7.

(CONT.)

(MORE)

Reisner swallows hard. His face is filled with dread.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAYThe sound of distant gunfire can be heard.

EXTREME CLOSEUP - SLEDGE HAMMERThe face of Sledge Hammer. He's wearing his sunglasses as

well as pistol range ear protectors. Hammers grips his .44Magnum automatic at arm's length and repeatedly fires atsomething

FULL SHOT - INT. APARTMENTWe reveal that Hammer is standing in the middle of hiscramped apartment. (It's rather oddly furnished with plentyof painting, sculptures and framed photos all depictingweapons.) The target board he's currently shooting at isnailed to the wall over his sofa a couple yards away.

Deafening gunshots boom inside the apartment. A lamp topplesover from the vibrations. The sound of panicked fellowtenants screaming and pounding on their walls is heard.Babies cry. The neighbors are in general hysterics.

Hammer's phone rings. He ceases fire and removes his eargear to answer it.

HAMMER (INTO PHONE)Hello? (beat) Hold on a minute.

Hammer can't hear his caller due to his still loudlyprotesting neighbors. He shouts at them in disgust.

HAMMER(screams)HEY! KEEP IT DOWN, YAHINCONSIDERATE JERKS! I'M ON THEPHONE! (beat) Damn noisyneighbors. (into phone) Okay,talk to me.

Hammer listens intently. A crazed smile appears on his face.

HAMMER (INTO THE PHONE)You got it. I'll reportimmediately.

Hammer forcefully hangs up the receiver, then speaks to thegun in his hand.

HAMMER (TO GUN)You hear that, gun? I'm offsuspension.



8.

(CONT.)

HAMMER(cont.)I guess they can't keep a good mandown... or me either.

Hammer joyfully shoves the Magnum into his shoulder holster,then throws on a sports jacket that doesn't match the loudtie he's already wearing. Hammer hurries to the door,

stopping to check himself out in a large dresser mirror.Hammer grins, then unable to contain his enthusiasm for beingtaken off suspension, smashes the mirror with his fist.

QUICK CUT TO:

INT. CAR - DAYHammer drives his banged up old Mustang. A tiny toy pistolhangs from the rear view mirror and the windshield isperforated with bullet holes. Hammer inserts a cassette intohis car stereo and a selection from Wagner's opera DASRHEINGOLD wafts from the speakers.

EXT. ROADBLOCK - DAYOn a city street, a police roadblock with a handful ofspectators obstructs the path of Hammer's car. Hammer hopsout of the auto and approaches a uniformed cop on the scene.

COP (SURPRISED)Sledge Hammer.

HAMMERWhat the hell's going on? I gottaget to work.

The cop points upward. Hammer peers in the same direction.

COPGot a sniper on the roof.

EXT. BUILDING - DAYOn the roof on an old office building we can see the figureof a man with a rifle.

COP (CONT. O.S.)Crazy nut wounded three people.SWAT can't reach him...

SCENE AS BEFORE

COP (CONT.)...and he shot at one of our policehelicopters.



9.

(CONT.)

HAMMERWhy that no good yogurt eatin'bastard. (beat) Buildingevacuated?

COPYep.

Hammer takes out his Magnum and addresses it.

HAMMER (TO GUN)What do you think we should do?

Hammer holds up the gun to his ear as if listening to it.The cop just stares at him blankly during this.

HAMMER (CONT. TO GUN)Sounds like our only alternative.

Hammer replaces the weapon in his holster.

HAMMERKeep everybody back.

ANGLE ON CARHammer walks back to his car and opens the trunk. Inside isthe MZ-754, an over the shoulder compact rocket launcher thatresembles a huge bazooka. Hammer grabs the contraption andcloses the trunk. The camera lingers on a bumper sticker onthe rear of Hammer's car. It declares: I LOVE MY GUN.

EXT. ROADBLOCK - DAY

Hammer walks past the barricade lugging the MZ-754. The copyells after Hammer in panic.

COP (SCREAMING)Hammer! What are you doing?!You'll be killed!

VARIOUS ANGLESHammer calmly strides down the middle of the street as thesniper wildly fires at him from the roof. Bullets ricochetall around Hammer. A few strike inches away from his feet.

Hammer reaches his desired position and stops. He hoists the

MZ-754 onto his shoulder and launches the compact rocket atthe base of the building whose roof the sniper occupies.

STOCK SHOTWe see a stock shot of a large metropolitan building getdemolished by an explosion.



10.

EXT. ROADBLOCK - DAYDusts and chunks of concrete fly back towards the spectators.Hammer re-enters the scene covered with plaster dust. Headdresses the now dumbstruck cop he was talking to earlier.

HAMMER (TO COP)I think I got him.

Hammer walks away. The cop's face registers shock.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - DAY

INT. POLICE PRECINCTHammer proudly enters his precinct. The station's othercops, both plainclothed and uniformed, react nervously to hispresence. Hammer stiffly waves to a few of them as one manopenly dives out of his path.

ANGLE ON SODA MACHINEA frustrated short guy stands by the soda machine residingagainst a precinct wall. He feebly pounds the machine withhis fist. Hammer comes into view.

HAMMERWhat's the problem?

SHORT GUYDamn machine took my money.

HAMMERStand away from it.

Hammer whips out his Magnum and pumps two bullets into thevending machine. The now terrified short guy runs away assoda cans and coins spew from the machine's innards.

ANGLE ON CUBICLECAPTAIN TRUNK, Hammer's perpetually red faced boss, stands inhis cubicle/office doorway. He shouts in Hammer's direction.

TRUNKHammer! In my office! Now,Goddamn it!

INT. CUBICLE

Hammer casually strolls into the cubicle and Trunk slams shutits door. Trunk proceeds to march around Hammer in a tirade.

TRUNK (CONT.)What the hell did I tell you aboutfiring your gun inside?!



11.

(CONT.)

HAMMERYou told me... don't do it.

TRUNKSmart ass son of a bitch.

HAMMER

I prefer son of a gun.

TRUNKTake off those Goddamn sunglasseswhen you're talking to me!

HAMMERWhat sunglasses?

TRUNK (ENRAGED)I SAID TAKE 'EM OFF!

Hammer hesitantly complies. (This is the first time we seehim without his famous shades.) Trunk has a seat behind hisdesk.

TRUNK (CONT.)Just couldn't resist blowing up abuilding on your way to work, couldyah, Hammer?

HAMMERFor your information, Captain... Ihappened to neutralize a freak whowas threatening the safety of our

citizens.

TRUNKYou're the threat, Hammer!Innocent people coulda' been killedtoday!

HAMMERThat's right... if I hadn't blownthat sick weirdie away when I did.

TRUNKThe situation was under control! A

police psychiatrist was on his wayto try and talk that sniper off theroof!



12.

(CONT.)

HAMMERAnd why should that slimeball havegotten psychiatrict treatment forfree... when I have to pay forevery penny of mine?

Hammer bugs out his eyes for emphasis. Trunk heaves a heavy

sigh.

HAMMER (CONT.)When are you gonna learn, Trunk...the only way to fight criminals isto be crazier than they are. Yougotta be able to do things likethis.

Hammer picks up a cigarette lighter from atop Trunk's desk.He lights it, then without flinching, holds his hand directlyover the flame. Trunk is aghast as Hammer shows not even ahint of pain.

HAMMERHere, you try it.

Hammers takes Trunk's hand and forces his palm onto theflame. Trunk leaps out of his chair and screams in agony.He pulls his hand back.

TRUNK (FUMING)You madman, Hammer! You'repsychotic! Sadistic! Depraved!

Bloodthirsty! Barbaric!

HAMMERIs this the reason you called medown here today? To shower me withcompliments?

TRUNK (STILL IN PAIN)No! (beat) I suppose you heardwhat happened to the Mayor'sdaughter?

HAMMER

Nope.

TRUNKWhat's the matter with you, Hammer?Don't you read the news? Don't youown a TV?



13.

(CONT.)

HAMMERNah, I shot it after they cancelledSTAR TREK.

Trunk tosses Hammer a newspaper from his desk top. Hammerexamines it.

INSERT - NEWSPAPERFrancine Flambo adorns the front page. The headline reads:MAYOR'S DAUGHTER SNATCHED!

TRUNKShe was kidnapped last night fromthe Mayor's very own home...

SCENE AS BEFOREHammer studies Francine's photo.

HAMMERPretty. The sort of girl youwouldn't mind bringing home tomom... as long as mom's not a dykeor something. (beat) So why am Ihere?

Because you've been personallyrequested to head up theinvestigation into the matter.

HAMMERRequested? By who?

QUICK CUT TO:

INT. MAYOR'S OFFICEHammer, Trunk, Reisner and the Mayor are gathered in thelatter's office. The Mayor answers the question asked in thelast scene.

MAYOR (TO HAMMER)By me. I'm impressed with the wayyou get results, Hammer. Just howmany arrests have you made in yourcareer?

HAMMERZero.

MAYOR (SURPRISED)Zero? (beat) None at all?



14.

(CONT.)

HAMMERNobody's ever lived long enough forme to arrest 'em. After yah blowsomeone's brains out... it's kindahard to read 'em their rights.(beat) Catch my drift?

Reisner and Trunk exchange looks. The Mayor awkwardlypresses on.

MAYOR (UNEASY)The Chief also told me some crazystory that you actually talk toyour gun.

HAMMER (AMUSED)Well, Mr. Mayor... don't believeeverything you hear.

Hammer laughs, and the now relieved Mayor chuckles also.Unexpectedly, Hammer yanks his Magnum out of his holster andfrantically screams at the gun in his hand.

HAMMER (YELLING AT GUN)WILL YAH SHUT UP! I'M TALKING TOTHE MAYOR! (beat) WE'LL DISCUS ITLATER! OKAY?!

TRUNK (TO HAMMER)Put that gun away, you fruitcake!

Hammer, calm again, shoves his gun back into its holster.

The Mayor is in shock. Trunk silently steams. After apregnant pause, Reisner cautiously approaches Hammer.

REISNERSledge, the Mayor insisted I takeyou off suspension because he feelsyou're the best man to apprehendwhoever's kidnapped his daughter.(beat) Feel flattered.

HAMMER (INDIGNANT)Flattered? That an ineffectualdork politician wants to take

action now... when it's too late?Punks have preyed on our citizensfor years... and this bozo nevergave a shit until the problemlanded on his own Goddamneddoorstep. (beat) Pardon myrhetoric, everybody.



15.

(CONT.)

TRUNKQuit grandstanding, Hammer.There's a girl's life at stake.

The Mayor regains his bearings, swallows his pride and joinsin.

MAYOR (STILL SHAKEN)Yes. My poor daughter. (beat) Ican't imagine what these...freaks... have been doing to herall this time.

HAMMERI can. They've probably taken offall her clothes, buttered her nakedbody with lotion, fondled herbreasts, squeezed her buttocks,spanked and groped her and--

TRUNK (DISGUSTED)Hammer... for God's sake.

The Mayor has grown very pale.

MAYOR (QUEASY)I...I think I'm going to be sick.

The door opens and a smartly dressed woman enters carrying aslide projector. This is LT. DORI DOREAU.

REISNER

Come in, Lieutenant. Gentlemen,meet Lt. Dori Doreau. On thisforce there's no one moreknowledgeable in the field ofterrorist aversion.

HAMMER (SMIRKING)You mean T and A?

TRUNKI'm warning you, Hammer.

DORI (TO TRUNK)

That's all right, Captain. Mybackground in terrorist psychologyand defense tactics should hold itsown against any joke.



16.

(CONT.)

Dori crosses to the Mayor's desk and starts setting up theslide projector in a no nonsense manner. She speaks as shedoes so.

DORI (WHILE SETTING UP)The voice of the man who calledwith the ransom note tip was put on

tape. I was thus able to make apositive i.d. The voice belongs tothe leader of a clandestineterrorist group known as theA.V.O.N.

HAMMERAvon?

DORIThe Allied Violent Offense Network.(beat) Kill the lights please.

TRUNK (PRECAUTIONARY)And keep that gun in the holster,Hammer!

The Mayor clicks off the lights and the slide projector comesto life. Projected on an already erected screen in thecorner of the room is a drawing of the "HAVE A NICE DAY"Happy Face getting shot through the head by a handgun.

DORIThis is the symbol of theorganization. I feel it speaks for

itself.

Another slide comes up. We see a photo of a wild haired"Manson" type fanatic.

DORI (CONT.)You're now looking at the leader ofthe group, "Weird" Willard Luxley.Luxley is a heinous criminal. Hisfirst act of violence was committedat age ten when, as an assignmentfor a biology class, he chose todissect the teacher. Luxley also

happens to be a crazed religiousfanatic who believes that when aperson dies... their soul goes to acar wash in Des Moines.

The next slide is of a sinister Latin type.



17.

(CONT.)

DORI (CONT.)This is Felis Navidad, a fieryLatin revolutionary whose passionsare for murder, extortion and beeftamales. Last year, Navidad wasable to illegally enter thiscountry posing as Julio Iglesias.

A new slide depicting a menacing black man with an absolutelyhumongous Afro.

DORI (CONT.)Next is Cottage Cheese Clodman,black militant and jazz musician.Clodman was actually born white;but had his race surgically changedin order to feel oppressed.

The ensuing slide is of a four month old infant.

HAMMERWho the hell's that?

DORIMy nephew. I brought thisprojector from home.

The last slide reaches the screen. We're instantly repulsedby the sight of a horrible, weasel-like, slug of a man.

DORI (CONT.)Lastly, we have former member Kurt

Kruggle, a despicable sex offender.First arrested five years ago forhaving sex with a goat, anadditional charge was broughtagainst Kruggle when it wasdiscovered the goat was undereighteen. (beat) Lights, please.

The Mayor switches the lights back on.

DORI (CONT.)I've already issued a warrant tobring in Kruggle for questioning,

but we've had no luck locating hispresent whereabouts.



18.

(CONT.)

HAMMEROkay, I've heard enough. I'll findKruggle, torture him, and then gethim to tell me where the otherscumsuckers are hiding out.

MAYOR

Fine. Just make sure my daughter'sbrought back safely.

HAMMERNo promises there, sir. She mightget caught in the crossfire.

MAYOR (AGHAST)But... I love her! She's my onlychild!

HAMMERCalm down, Mr. Mayor... you canalways have another kid.

REISNERAhhh... Sledge... it was my idea tohave you and Lt. Doreau... sorta...team up... on this case.

Hammer tensely looks in Dori's direction. There's a pause.

HAMMERBut she's a Goddamn woman! I'm not

gonna partner with a Goddamn woman!

TRUNKYou'll partner with a one eyedlesbian lumberjack if the Chieftells you to! You got that?!

Hammer extracts his Magnum and waves it for emphasis.

HAMMERThis.. is all the partner I need.

TRUNK (OUTRAGED)

I told you to keep that gun in theholster, you damn looney!

Trunk moves to snatch the Magnum from Hammer's hand. Hammerinstantly assumes a judo stance, grabs Trunk's arm and flipshim to the floor. Trunk lands on his back with a thud. Hedoesn't move. The Mayor and Reisner are stunned.



19.

(CONT.)

HAMMER (TO TRUNK)Sorry, Captain... reflex. (toDori) Let's go, lady.

Hammer exits as an uneasy Dori looks to her superiors, thenfollows.

MAYORThat man makes THE TERMINATOR looklike Mary Poppins.

Reiner turns his attention to the flaccid Trunk on the floor.

REISNER (TO TRUNK)Captain, are you alright?

A groggy Trunk softly replies.

TRUNK (IN PAIN)No.

EXT. CITY HALL - DAYHammer and Dori descend the steps outside City Hall. Hammerhas put back on his shades and is virtually ignoring her.

DORISledge Hammer. (beat) Is thatyour real name?

HAMMER (DISINTERESTED)Yep.

DORI (JOKING)What's your father's name? Jack?

HAMMER (SURPRISED)How'd you know?

Dori does a take as they reach Hammer's car parked by thecurb in front of the building.

DORII take it you're driving... solet's start hunting for Kruggle.

HAMMER (PEEVED)Listen Lady, while we're stuck witheach other, get one thing straight.I call the shots... and I fire theshots. (beat) Comprehendo?



20.

(CONT.)

Hammer unlocks the passenger's side door. An indignant Doristops him from opening it.

DORII had no idea there were any malechauvinists even left in thedepartment. I suppose you think

all women should be kept barefootand pregnant. Right?

HAMMERWrong. I encourage women to wearshoes.

DORIAll right! Why don't you just dropthis adolescent macho cop act ofyours. It's humanly impossible forsomeone to be as nihilistic asyou're pretending to be!

An hysterical woman chases a greasy teenage thug down thesidewalk. The running thug clutches a handbag.

WOMAN (HYSTERICAL)HELP! HE'S GOT MY PURSE! STOPHIM!

Hammer, thinking fast, opens the passenger's side door andthe sprinting thug collides into it. The youth violentlyfalls to the sidewalk with a crunch. Hammer draws his Magnumand presses it on the punk's nose.

HAMMER (TO THUG)Don't move, pizza face.

The woman runs up, panting. Hammer graciously hands thewoman her handbag with great chivalry.

HAMMER (TO WOMAN)Here yah go, Ma'm.

WOMAN (BREATHLESS)Thank you. Thank you.

The woman leaves. Hammer grimly glares at the fallen,terrified thug.

HAMMER (TO THUG)Stand up, ragweed. (beat) Pronto!

The thug slowly and painfully gets to his feet.



21.

(CONT.)

His hands are already clasped on his head in an effort to beagreeable. He's visibly trembling as Hammer keeps steady aimwith his gun.

DORI (UNEASY)Hammer, what are you doing?

HAMMERI'm gonna teach this awful littlegenetic mistake a lesson.

DORI (DISMAYED)Right in front of City Hall?! Areyou crazy? You wanna be taken infor police brutality?

HAMMERI'm not gonna touch the scumbucket. (beat, to thug) You...time to pick on someone your ownsize. Punch yourself in the mouth.

The young thug's eyes dart around in confusion.

THUGWhat?

HAMMERYou heard me. Punch yourself inthe mouth. Now! That's an order!

After a pause, the thug softly raps himself on the jaw.

Hammer waves the pistol in annoyance.

HAMMER (CONT.)Harder than that! Otherwise, I'mgonna do it!

The disoriented thug makes a fist, then forcibly puncheshimself square in the mouth. He draws blood.

HAMMER (CONT.)Very good. (beat) Now slugyourself in the stomach.

The thug does a take, then obediently hits himself in thegut. He doubles over in pain and groans. Hammer has nowretrieved an empty vodka bottle lying in the gutter by thecurb. He tosses the bottle to the thug who awkwardly rightshimself to catch it.



22.

(CONT.)

HAMMER (CONT.)Okay, Simon says break this bottleover your head and knock yourselfout.

The thug stares imploringly. Hammer coldly clicks his Magnumin warning. Instantly, the thug smashes the bottle over his

own head and falls to the ground, unconscious.

Dori is aghast as Hammer kisses the barrel of his weapon andreplaces it. He turns to her.

HAMMER (TO DORI)You see, I am crazy... but I knowwhat I'm doing. (beat) Now, let'scomb everyplace where a sleazebaglike Kruggle might hang out.

Hammer opens the car door for Dori. She's still in a stateof shock, but nevertheless gets in. Hammer enters theMustang on the other side, starts the engine and drives outof the shot.

The camera lingers on the inert thug laying on City Hall'ssteps. He's still unconscious. Two briefcase carrying menin business suits climb the steps engaged in conversation.They step over the thug and keep walking, oblivious to him.

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE SEQUENCE - STOCK FOOTAGE - NIGHTWe see a montage of every sleazy establishment in the city.

Strip joints, massage parlors, X rated theatres, pornographicbookstores, Republican campaign headquarters. The montagesequence ends on...

EXT. ADULT MOTEL - NIGHT

ANGLE ON EXT. MOTEL DOORA door marked number 86. Hammer, his gun drawn, and Doristand outside the door listening to the activity going oninside the room.

DORIYou sure Kruggle's inside?

HAMMERLicense plate says that's his fourwheeler out there... parked in thespace reserved for this room.(beat) You sure you don't wannawait back at the car?



23.

(CONT.)

DORIHammer, I'm a cop... not some damnschoolmarm.

HAMMER All right, just make sure nobodyelse comes in here... after me.

Hammer steps back, then kicks in the door.

INT. MOTEL ROOMHammer barges in on the disgusting sex offender, KURT KRUGGLEwho we glimpsed earlier on a slide. Kruggle, wearing only atowel, lies on a table getting his back massaged by two hugebreasted, pigtailed, blonde, Swedish female gymnast types.The trio is startled at the sight of Hammer's gun as he kicksthe door closed.

HAMMER (TO WOMEN)Okay ladies, go wait in the john.

KRUGGLE (STAMMERING)They... they don't... speakEnglish!

HAMMER (IN PERFECT SWEDISH)Denoova bovva, lana nejerderde perva.

SUBTITLES:Okay ladies, go wait in thejohn.

The two buxom girls obediently scurry into the bathroom.They shut and lock the door.

Hammer lowers his Magnum and has a seat on the bed by thetrembling Kruggle.

KRUGGLE (AMAZED)You spoke perfect Swedish

HAMMERI only know those words. (beat)I'm a cop. My name's SledgeHammer.

Kruggle's eyes grow wide in fright. He's scared by the meresound of our hero's hard hitting name.

KRUGGLESledge Hammer. (beat) JesusChrist!



24.

(CONT.)

HAMMERNo relation. (beat) The reasonI'm here, Kruggle... is because youwere once a member of the AlliedViolent Offense Network.

KRUGGLE

Hey, I haven't had anything to dowith them for years! I swear!

HAMMERYou swear... on your dear, departedmother's grave?

KRUGGLE (SHOCKED)My... my mother's still alive!

HAMMERShe won't be if you're not tellingthe truth! (beat) C'mon kinky,I'm taking you in for questioning.

Hammer grips Kruggle's arm. He resists.

KRUGGLE (HESITANT)Wait... I gotta put some clotheson. Could you turn around, please?I'm modest.

Hammer sourly obliges and turns his back to Kruggle.Kruggle's expression turns sinister as he reaches into histowel and pulls out a handgun. He points it at Hammer's

back.

KRUGGLE (CONT.)Okay, I'm decent now... you son ofa bitch!

Hammer turns back and finds himself facing the barrel of a.38 Special.

HAMMERYou always keep a gun under thecovers?

KRUGGLEHow else is a creep like me gonnaget women to go to bed with him?(beat) Drop your piece... slowly.

Hammer lets his Magnum fall to the floor. The second itlands, it goes off...



25.

(CONT.)

shooting Kruggle's weapon out of his scrawny hand. Kruggleholds his grazed palm in pain as Hammer retrieves his owngun. Dori bursts in with her pistol drawn.

DORI (TO HAMMER)I heard a shot!

HAMMERYou heard right.

Suddenly, a brawny COWBOY storms into the room wielding asawed off shotgun. Before he even has a chance to speak,Dori grabs the barrel of the shotgun and points it upward.It goes off with a boom. Dori viciously punches the cowboyonce in the gut, then again in the back of the neck with anexpert karate chop. The cowboy collapses, out like a light.Hammer looks to Dori.

HAMMER (ADMIRINGLY)Doreau... that was absolutelyunnecessary and excessive. It waspure poetry in motion.

DORIThanks. I was top of my class inhand to hand combat.

HAMMERI'd like to battle you sometime.

DORI (PLEASANTLY)You're on. (beat) Who do you

think the cowboy is?

HAMMERProbably the manager. Let's getthe hell outta here before he wakesup.

Hammer crosses to Kruggle in the bed and roughly takes him bythe arm.

HAMMER (TO KRUGGLE) All right, troublemaker. Let's go.

Hammer drags Kruggle from under the covers. The only thinghe's wearing are bizarre green satin bikini briefs. Hammerstares at them in revulsion.

KRUGGLE (EXPLAINING)They're my mother's.

WIPE ACROSS TO:



26.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - NIGHT

INT. INTERROGATION ROOMThe interrogation room consists of four white walls, a tableand chairs. A shivering Kruggle sits at the table stillwearing only shorts. He's feeling chilly. Dori keeps to acorner of the room while Hammer leans across the table

towards Kruggle.

HAMMER (TO KRUGGLE)Listen slimeball, there's threethings in life I really hate...hypocrisy, Dinah Shore's singing...and uncooperative little weaselslike you. (beat) Your ol' buddiesare holding a sweet young girlhostage... AND I WANNA HEAR WHATYOU KNOW ABOUT IT!!!

KRUGGLEScrew you! I already told you ahundred times... I don't knownothin' (beat) I'm freezin'!Don't you have any hot coffee orsomething?

HAMMER (TO DORI)Doreau, pass me the coffee.

Dori hands Hammer a coffee pot. Hammer proceeds to pour thepot's entire steaming contents smack dab into Kruggle's lap.Kruggle wails in agony.

HAMMER (TO KRUGGLE)Whoa, I forgot to give you a cup,Kruggle.

KRUGGLEWhy you son of a bitch!

HAMMERHey! Watch that type of languagein the presence of a lady,motherfucker!

Dori stifles a laugh as the door opens. An impeccablydressed and extremely perturbed attorney storms in, HOWARDBLOMENSTEIN.

BLOOMENSTEIN (STERN)You're to cease harassing myclient!



27.

(CONT.)

Hammer whirls around and confronts Bloomenstein.

HAMMERYour client?! And just who thehell are you?!

BLOOMENSTEIN

Mr. Kruggle's attorney. I feelthat dragging him in here hasviolated his rights.

HAMMERRights?! I could give a shit abouta criminal's rights! Why aren'tyou out there defending the rightsof citizens, you greedy littlegavel sucker!

BLOOMENSTEIN (OFFENDED)Just who do you think you are?!

HAMMER (SELF-RIGHTEOUS)I don't think who I am... I know.(beat) I'm Inspector SledgeHammer.

Bloomenstein's expression registers recognition.

BLOOMENSTEINWhy... I've heard of you. You're amaniac! There's a rumor you once

obtained information from asuspect... by tying him to the backof your car and draggin him throughhalf the city!

HAMMERThat's bullshit! Half the city!(scoffs) We never left the parkinglot. (beat) All right, lawyer.I'll give you a choice... either Ikick you outta here... or I kickyou outta here. Take your pick.

BLOOMENSTEIN (SMUGLY)Try it, Hammer. The law's on myside.

Dori steps between Bloomenstein and Hammer.



28.

(CONT.)

DORI (SOTTO TO HAMMER)Sledge, listen to me. It'scompletely within Kruggle's rightsto have his attorney present duringinterrogations.

Hammer quickly pulls out a pair of handcuffs and clamps one

end on Bloomenstein's wrist, the other to the room'sdoorknob. Bloomenstein's vehement protests are silenced by apiece of masking tape Hammer affixes over his mouth.Bloomenstein struggles in vain.

HAMMER (TO BLOOMENSTEIN)There... you're present.

Hammer turns his attentions back to the obnoxious Kruggle.

HAMMER (TO KRUGGLE)All right, slimeball... I'm takingyou... to the circus.

KRUGGLEThe circus? What the hell are youtalking about?!

HAMMER (TO DORI)Doreau, tie our friend here to thewall. (beat) It's circus time.

Dori takes Kruggle by the arm and leads him to the far wallof the room. Balloons dot the wall at strategic points.Dori ties Kruggle's arms and legs to the wall by rope.

Balloons reside by his head, hips and between his legs.Wearing his green satin shorts he resembles a circusperformer.

Dori rejoins Hammer at the opposite end of the room.Bloomenstein's muffled complaints are heard as Hammer drawshis Magnum... and aims squarely for Kruggle's head.

HAMMER (TO KRUGGLE)For the last time, Kruggle. Youknow anything at all about therecent activities of the A.V.O.N.?

Kruggle clings to his defiant stance.

KRUGGLEYou don't scare me, man! You ain'tgonna shoot!



29.

(CONT.)

Hammer fires off a shot that bursts the balloon to the rightof Kruggle's head. He cries out in terror.

KRUGGLE (CONT.)Okay! Okay! I'll talk! (takes abreath) Willard Luxley calledme... asked if I'd help him and the

ol' gang kidnap the Mayor'sdaughter. I told him... no way!

HAMMERWhat else?

KRUGGLEThat's it! I swear!

Hammer fires. The balloon to the left of Kruggle's headexplodes. Kruggle frantically searches his memory.

KRUGGLE (CONT.)Ahhh... uummm.. Christ! Luxleytold me he had one person on theinside giving 'em money... helpin'em... so there'd be no screw ups!

HAMMERWho?

KRUGGLEI don't know!

Hammer shoots out the balloon by Kruggle's left hip. Kruggle

is close to hyperventilating.

KRUGGLE (CONT.)Someone real close to the Mayor!That's all he said!

HAMMERTell me who... damn it!

KRUGGLE (IN TEARS)He didn't say! Please releaseme... let me go!

Hammer turns around, holds up a mirror, then over hisshoulder... shoots out the balloon by Kruggle's right hip,rodeo style. Kruggle shouts in panic.



30.

(CONT.)

KRUGGLE (SHRIEKING)SOMEONE THE MAYOR GIVES A LOT OFMONEY TO!!! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY ALL IKNOW!!! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!!!

HAMMER (TO DORI)Blindfold.

Dori pulls out a blindfold from her coat pocket and fastensit over Hammer's eyes. Hammer then takes precarious aim atthe balloon between Kruggle's legs. It's dangerously closeto his crotch. Kruggle screams like a banshee.

HAMMERYou know, this is one trick where Ialways miss.

KRUGGLE (HIGH PITCHED)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hammer fires popping the balloon between Kruggle's legs.Kruggle passes out as Hammer removes the blindfold.

DORILook, Hammer. You hit the balloon.

HAMMERYeah, I know. I missed.

Hammer walks over to Bloomenstein and unlocks the handcuffs.Hammer next rips the tape off the attorney's mouth.Bloomenstein instantly commences venting his fury at Hammer.

BLOOMENSTEIN (TO HAMMER, OUTRAGED)I'm gonna slap a lawsuit on thisdivision for what you pulled inhere today! I'll see to it that--

Bloomenstein suddenly stops talking. In a delayed reactionfrom having the tape torn from his lips, he yells out inpain.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - ANGLE ON COMPUTERIn a corner of the busy precinct, Dori sits in front of adesktop computer terminal. A bored Sledge Hammer

distractedly makes a paper airplane and yawns.

HAMMERWhat are we waiting for? We shouldround up everybody close to theMayor, then knock heads and breakarms until we find the conspirator.



31.

(CONT.)

(MORE)

DORINo, Hammer! There's no time forthat. This computer is the answer.

Dori starts rapidly typing on the computer's keyboard.

DORI (CONT.)

Since politicians are required tokeep their finances public... I canaccess the names and salaries ofeveryone on the Mayor's payroll.(beat) See?

Dori points to the terminal screen. A listing of numerousnames and figures appears. Hammer's response is a rude yawn.

DORI (CONT.)Why are you so prejudiced againstcomputers?

HAMMER'Cause that's how I met my wife...through a computer dating service.

DORI (SURPRISED)You're married, Hammer?

HAMMERWas married. (beat) Three yearsago she left me for some geekmember of the Peace Corps. Said hewas more sensitive than me. Can

you believe that?

Dori still manages to maintain her empathy.

DORIThere are some women who just can'ttake being married to a cop.

HAMMERHey, this woman couldn't take beingmarried to me; being a cop hadnothing to do with it. (longpause) She'd forever accuse me of

bringing my work home. Couldn'tunderstand that this isn't just ajob with me. I gotta live my imagetwenty four hours a day...everyday. (beat) It's the onlyway to keep criminals afraid ofme...



32.

(CONT.)

HAMMER(cont.)not to mention, everybody else.(beat) I can't ever let my guarddown for an instant.

DORI (WARMLY)Hammer... you just did.

Dori and Hammer's eyes meet for a few seconds. Hammer avertsDori's stare by peering over her shoulder at the computerscreen. Together they scrutinize it. Hammer points at oneof the listings.

HAMMER (CHANGING THE SUBJECT)Hey, look at the Mayor's personalfinances. He's being bled dry athome.

Hammer reaches over and punches a few keys. An enlarged anddetailed display now fills the terminal screen.

DORI And Mrs. Flambo's personal expenseaccount is the primary reason.(beat) Goodness, looks like shesupports every charity inexistence.

HAMMER All except my favorite one.

DORI

Which is?

HAMMERThe National Rifle Association.

Dori sighs, then resumes examining the readout.

DORIHuh. They certainly sent Francineto a very prestigious and expensivecollege.

Dori's expression tells us that something on the screen has

aroused her curiosity. Something else has aroused Hammer's.

HAMMERI think I smell a rat.

TRUNK (O.S.)Hammer!



33.

(CONT.)

HAMMER (TO DORI)What'd I tell yah?

A malice consumed Captain Trunk enters the scene. Thanks tohis last encounter with Hammer, Trunk now sports a neckbrace.

TRUNKYou've done it again, Hammer.There's a lawyer filing a complaintagainst you as we speak. Says youturned a simple questioningsession... into a Goddamnedcarnival!

HAMMERWell, why didn't you join us? Wecoulda' used a clown.

Dori decides it's time to intervene.

DORI (INTERJECTING)Captain Trunk, Hammer's style maybe unorthodox... but he has managedto obtain vital information.

TRUNK (IRATE)Shut up, Doreau! Start defendingthis lunatic's actions... andyou'll find your ass in hot watertoo!

Trunk storms off to his cubicle. Hammer flings the paperairplane he'd been fashioning, a very complex looking craft,after him. It hits Trunk in the back of his head and sticksthere. Trunk keeps walking, completely unaware of the paperairplane protruding from his head.

HAMMER (TO DORI)Where were we?

DORIYou were getting at somethingregarding Mrs. Flambo.

HAMMERShe's the traitor.

DORI (INCREDULOUS)The wife of the Mayor?!



34.

(CONT.)

HAMMERMy instincts tell me Mrs. Flambo'sused bogus charities as a front...to support the activities of theA.V.O.N., and that it was she whoarranged the appropriation of hervery own daughter.

Hammer pulls out his Magnum and listens to it.

HAMMER (CONT.)My gun agrees.

DORIBut... what on earth could hermotive be?!

HAMMERThat's for you and I to find out.

Dori resigns herself and stands.

DORIHammer, while I have serious doubtsabout your theory... as yourpartner it's my duty to back you upone hundred percent. (beat) Whatdo you suggest we do?

HAMMERThat we go have a chat with her.

DORIAll right, but just lemme make afew calls first. I want to checkon something.

Dori exits the scene. Hammer watches her walk away, thenturns to the gun in his hand.

HAMMER (TO GUN)I know, gun. I like her too.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CITY HALL - NIGHT

INT. MAYOR'S OFFICEThe Mayor, Chief Reisner and Captain Trunk occupy the Mayor'soffice. A pensive Mayor has just hung up the telephone asSledge Hammer barges in. Dori trails behind.



35.

(CONT.)

MAYORSledge Hammer. What are you--

HAMMER (INTERRUPTING)Sorry, Mr. Mayor, but this couldn'twait. We've discovered that thisentire kidnapping affair was an

inside job. You've been betrayed,sir.

MAYORWhat are you talking about?Betrayed? By who?

HAMMERThis may come as a shock to you,sir... by your wife.

MAYORMy wife! Are you crazy?!

HAMMERYes, but I know what I'm doing.

On this, a handcuffed MRS. JANICE FLAMBO enters. She lookslike she's been run over by a freight train. Her clothes aredisheveled and her hair is a wreck. She even sports a blackeye.

MAYOR (HORRIFIED)Janice!

MRS. FLAMBO (TO MAYOR)Jack, you wouldn't believe theindignities I was just put through!This maniac dragged me out of thehouse and brutalized me... accusingme of helping kidnap my owndaughter!

HAMMERMr. Mayor, I'm sorry to say thatyour wife is a no good, lying,deceitful, scheming bitch.

MAYORWhy... I've known that for years,but she had nothing to do with thekidnapping!

HAMMERSir, she confessed to it!



36.

(CONT.)

MRS. FLAMBOOnly so he'd leave me alone. Jack,this man used a cattle prod on me!Then he sprayed me with a gardenhose... and threatened to make wewatch video cassettes of BROTHERS!

MAYORI'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, HAMMER(beat) REISNER, PLACE THISNUMBSKULL BACK ON SUSPENSION... FORETERNITY...OR LONGER!

Trunk emits a loud laugh and claps his hands.

MAYOR (CONT.)I just got off the phone with theterrorists. They've given me adrop off location and a demand fora private jet... and I have nochoice now but to capitulate!

The Mayor points a firm finger at Dori.

MAYOR (TO DORI)Doreau, I want you to deliver theransom to them.

HAMMERHey, wait a minute! Whoever's themessenger is probably gonna getkilled! Let me do it!

TRUNKThat sounds like a damn good idea.

MAYORNo! The last thing I need is ashootout on my hands!

An impassive Reisner crosses to Hammer.

REISNER (TO HAMMER)Hammer, your orders are to returnto your apartment and stay there.

(beat) Now, turn in your badge.

Hammer stares at the Chief, then obediently hands his badgeover. He addresses Dori with true concern in his voice.

HAMMER (TO DORI)Be careful, Dori.



37.

(CONT.)

DORII will... Hammer.

Hammer looks to the other faces in the room, then exits.Everyone turns their heads to watch him go. We see thatCaptain Trunk still has the paper airplane sticking out ofhis.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

INT. WAREHOUSEDori opens a creaky door, then enters an abandoned,warehouse. She totes a briefcase as she peers out at themass of numerous crates before her.

DORIHello? Anybody in here?

No reply at first, then a voice.

VOICEStep forward... slowly.

From behind the crates, a ski masked figure carrying amachine gun emerges. He unmasks and reveals himself to be"WEIRD" WILLARD LUXLEY. His appearance is positivelyinfernal.

LUXLEY

So... they sent us a bitch... and afoxy one at that. (laughs) Handover the money, whore. Then you'llescort us to the friggin' jet!

DORINot until I see that FrancineFlambo is safe.

Luxley nods. FELIS NAVIDAD steps out from hiding. Navidadprods before him a terrified Francine with his machine gun.

DORI (CONT.)

How you doing, Francine?

FRANCINE (WHINING)I haven't eaten in a day and a halfand I missed last night's DYNASTY!



38.

(CONT.)

Camouflaged by a tall crate to the side, COTTAGE CHEESECLODMAN appears and tiptoes behind Dori. He shoves hismachine gun barrel into her back, then pat searches Dori'sbody using his other free hand. Clodman sadistically cops afew feels and chuckles.

CLODMAN (TO DORI)

Forward march, slut.

Dori obliges. She now stands dead center in this circle ofterrorists. Dori hasn't taken her eyes off their captive fora moment.

DORI (TO FRANCINE)I must say, Francine. You appearto have been well taken care of.

FRANCINEWhat the hell's that supposed tomean?

DORIIt means you can drop thevictimized society girl routine.You arranged to have yourselfkidnapped. You're an accomplice inyour own abduction.

LUXLEYWhat the hell are you talkingabout, bitch?!

DORI (TO LUXLEY)I'm talking about the fact thatfinancial records gave me the nameof the college Francine attendedfour years ago. I phoned her Almamater. My knowledge of yourbackground proved correct.University records confirmed youattended at the exact same time shedid, Luxley... under your realname, Maury Shwartz. (beat) Myhunch is that you two know eachother... and are an item.

Luxley is speechless. Navidad shifts his aim from Francineas she pulls out a revolver and points it at Dori.



39.

(CONT.)

FRANCINE (TO DORI)I applaud your ingenuity, tramp.Yes, Willard has been myboyfriend... ever since we firstmet at a campus rally showingsupport for the abolishment ofpolyester. I loathe my father and

have always been a closet radical.Now, I'll escape from under hisfascist thumb using the guise of ahostage... and along with my lover,comrades, plus one milliondollars... we will live the rest ofour lives in Libya... away fromthis wretched nation... that willone day hopefully be overthrown.

DORIWhile your father's politicalcareer is irrevocably damaged... byhaving bowed to the demands ofcriminals. (beats) A perfectplan.

FRANCINEWith one alteration. We hadplanned to release you afterboarding the jet, but now you'll beour added hostage... and once we'resafely away, I'll kill you...myself.

DORIYou'd kill me... over a briefcasefull of shredded paper?

Luxley snatches the briefcase away from Dori. Francinehurriedly rips it open and Clodman reaches inside. He holdsout a handful of the satchel's contents... confetti.

CLODMANThere's nothing but damn confettiin here!

DRAMATIC ANGLE

Suddenly, the warehouse door is kicked in. The silhouette ofa man fills the doorway and rigidly enters, Sledge Hammer.His Magnum is leveled on the whole lot of villains and he'schewing a wad of bubble gum.



40.

(CONT.)

HAMMERSurprise. The party's over, jerkoffs.

Francine jabs her pistol into Dori's ribs. Luxley, Navidadand Clodman aim their collective weapons at Hammer. A biggrin breaks out on Sledge's face.

LUXLEY (PSYCHOTIC, TO HAMMER)And just who are you, man?!

CLODMAN (TO HAMMER)Yeah, sucker... and why the hellare you smiling?!

HAMMERWhy? Because... I'm trigger happy!(beat) I'm not afraid of you pigs,but you better be afraid of me.

Luxley, Clodman and Navidad exchange befuddled looks.

NAVIDAD (TO LUXLEY)This guy's sicker than us.

LUXLEY (TO HAMMER)You're dead, man.

Hammer pauses to check his own pulse. He can't find it.

HAMMERYou may be right. (beat) Now lets

hurry up and get this over with. Idon't wanna miss David Letterman.

Hammer blows a bubble and nonchalantly paces towards theterrorists. The assorted villains react in disbelief.Finally, Luxley fires a shot hitting Hammer in the shoulder.Hammer stops in his tracks. He inspects the wound, thenslowly looks up.

HAMMER (CONT.)You've just ruined... my favoritejacket. (beat) NOW... I'M REALLYMAD!!!

Hammer charges forward firing his Magnum pell mell. Luxley,Clodman and Navidad have no choice but to retreat back behindthe crates. They honestly appear frightened. Francine dragsDori into hiding to the side.



41.

(CONT.)

TIGHT SHOTHammer remembers something, then fishes a hand around in oneof his coat pockets. Hammer extracts a grenade, grins andspeaks to the gun in his other hand.

HAMMER (TO GUN, INDICATING GRENADE)You know, I almost forgot there was

a grenade in my pocket. Lucky thisjacket didn't go to the cleaners.

MEDIUM SHOTHammer pulls the pin from the grenade and tosses it behindthe crates where Luxley, Clodman and Navidad are hiding.Hammer listens impassively to the ensuing explosion. Debrisrains down all over as Hammer steps into the center of thewarehouse.

HAMMER (TO GUN)Three down... with one to go.

NEW ANGLEFrancine, clutching Dori with a gun to her head, edges outinto the open. They stand before Hammer, who directs hisMagnum at Francine. It's an old fashioned face off.

HAMMER (TO FRANCINE)Girlie... you deserve a goodspanking.

FRANCINE (TO HAMMER)Drop the gun... or I'll put abullet through this bitch's head.

Dori tries to stay calm. Hammer doesn't shift his arm offFrancine by an inch.

HAMMER (TO FRANCINE)Please, be my guest... kill her;then I'll just go ahead and killyou.

DORI (HYSTERICAL)Hammer... she's serious!!!

HAMMER (TO DORI)

Oh, I'm sure she is, Dori... but asa policewoman I know you'reprepared to die in the line ofduty.

Dori rolls her eyes in anxiety. Francine, totallydisoriented and confused, doesn't know what to do.



42.

(CONT.)

She finally decides to shove Dori aside. Now, Francine andHammer are involved in a Mexican standoff. Their respectiveweapons are pointed across the room at each other. One onone. A weak-kneed Dori watches from the sidelines.

FRANCINE (SMUGLY, TO HAMMER) All right, stud! It's just you and

me. (beat) Now, drop your gunthis instant! I know you'd nevershoot at a woman.

Without hesitation, Hammer pulls the trigger shootingFrancine in the arm. She drops her pistol and clutches herwound in disbelief. Francine falls to the ground.

HAMMER (TO FRANCINE)Sorry, Francine... I'm a feminist.

Dori rushes over to Hammer's side. She gasps at his woundedshoulder.

DORIHammer, does that hurt?

Hammer is quite bitter on the subject.

HAMMER Anytime a custom tailored suit getsruined... it hurts.

DORIWe sure make quite a team. Thank

God you decided to follow me.

HAMMERHey, don't thank God... thank mygun.

Dori addresses Hammer's gun as if she's humoring a child.

DORI (TO HAMMER'S GUN) Ahhh... thank you, Mr. Gun.

HAMMERIn the future, remember that my gun

is neuter. It's not mister ormiss. It's just... gun.

DORII'm sorry, I'll try to remember.

Hammer looks over and catches Dori fondly gazing at him.



43.

(CONT.)

HAMMEROkay, enough warmth.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MAYOR'S OFFICEHammer, Dori, Reisner and Trunk are once again reunited in

the Mayor's office. The Mayor himself stands philosophicallybehind his desk.

MAYOR (WISTFULLY)My own daughter... just like hermother, a bitch. (sigh)Nevertheless Doreau,congratulations on a job well done.

DORII can't take all the credit, sir.

TRUNKYeah you can.

REISNER (TO DORI)Lieutenant, it's my great pleasureto present you with a fullpromotion.

DORIBut what about Hammer? I wouldn'tbe alive today if he hadn't choseto back me up.

REISNERSledge Hammer disobeyed orders.He's to remain on indefinitesuspension.

DORIThat's not fair!!!

MAYOR (WEARY)Doreau, stop worrying about Hammer.Concern yourself with your owncareer. (beat) Now, lets getgoing. I'm having a press

conference in a few minutes...where I want you to read from thisprepared statement.

The Mayor hands Dori a typewritten paper. She examines it.



44.

(CONT.)

(MORE)

MAYOR (CONT. TO DORI)Basically... it just says how muchyou respect my administration, aswell as my strong stance againstcrime in this city. (beat) Iwrote it up myself.

Dori peruses the speech, then looks to the sunglass wearingHammer. She crumples the paper and turns to Reisner.

DORI (TO REISNER)Chief, I respectfully decline mypromotion.

Those in the room gasp, save for Hammer. He allows himself awry little grin.

TRUNKAm I hearing correctly?

Hammer whips out his Magnum and fires it directly by CaptainTrunk's ear. Trunk recoils in agony.

HAMMERSeems like you're hearing justfine.

Dori has put on a pair of shades identical to Hammer's.

REISNERDoreau, you're crazy.

DORITrue... but I know what I'm doing.(to Hammer) Let's go... partner.

Hammer and Dori stride out of the office. The reaction ofthose remaining is stunned silence.

EXT. CITY HALL - DAYHammer and Dori exit City Hall together.

DORIIt's infuriating that they've leftyou on suspension!

HAMMERDon't worry. I won't be kept on itfor long. Openly, those shitheadschastise me. Privately, they knowthis city'd be uninhabitablewithout a looney like myself...



45.

(CONT.)

HAMMER(cont.)to keep people from getting awaywith murder out there... literally.(beat) Deep down they realize Igotta break all the rules... inorder to play by 'em.

Dori stops Hammer and takes off her sunglasses. She's a tadupset.

DORI (DISMAYED)Hammer, you mean to tell me... thatI passed on a promotion... forreasons of principle... when Ididn't have to?!

HAMMER (CHANGING THE SUBJECT)Dori, what do yah say you come overto my apartment tonight. I'll cookdinner, plus my all time favorite

movie's on TV.

DORIWait... lemme guess. DIRTY HARRY?

To Dori's surprise, Hammer shakes his head in negative.

HAMMERYou know, that really didn't workfor me. It was too violent.

Hammer smiles slyly as Dori eyes him with a mix ofexasperation and affection. Finally, she lets out a slightlaugh. These are two people on the road to understandingeach other. Where that road may lead... who knows? On theirexpressions we...

FREEZE FRAME.

THE END

sledge hammer - pilot script (for hbo)

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