So You Want To Get

Married…Really Now?!

Marriage Defined

The definition of marriage that we are focused on is a deliberate union between

man and woman, for the purpose of serving God. I use the word deliberate

because we choose not to identify marriage as the continual, unspoken,

extended cohabitation to the point where two people say, “basically we are

married”. I clarify between man and woman because I am focusing on my

Biblical belief that God created each sex uniquely different and intended for

the two parts to come together as a whole to reproduce his image in the earth

for the purpose of replenishing the earth.

Premarital Scripture

When you think about marriage, a few scriptures can come to mind, but ultimately there is one that seems to stand out more than others at times, "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)

This scripture is a premarital scripture. It does not indicate, he who found and it deals with 3 key elements:

• A man who is searching

• A woman who is waiting

• A God who will bestow favor

Statement of Understanding

There is something important that we must state about marriage right up

front…MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK! It is very important that those

seeking marriage or those already in marriage understand this statement. It is

hard work!

However, hard work does not have to be unpleasant or without joy, it just

means there will be times when you have to put in great sacrifice.

Things of Substance to Consider Regarding

Marriage

• To have a successful marriage, God must be the source…beginning, purpose of the marriage

• Marriage is ministerial work…I do not mean that you will be behind a pulpit, but it has and should be rooted in a Godly purpose

• Marriage requires each person to know and understand themselves to help the process of bonding…what do you know about you?

• Marriage requires communication, not mind reading

• Marriage requires sacrifice and submission

• He must be willing to submit to God and sacrifice to God for her

• She must be willing to submit to God and to him, and sacrifice to God for him

• Marriage requires patience

• Marriage requires testing…to strengthen and purify

The Searching Man

• A man who starts a search for a wife without first acknowledging God, decreases his chances of finding "a good thing", meaning the wife God has purposed for him

• Becoming a good husband requires training…what do you have surrounding you that you can draw from?

• Searching for a wife should not be a trial and error process…stop sleeping with other men's wives

• If what you are looking for is only skin deep, superficial things will result in a superficial marriage and superficial marriages do not survive tough times

• When you find her, wait for God's direction on approaching her…watch for a while to make sure THE God has spoken and not your god…Boaz and Ruth

• Consider what you found her doing when she didn't know you were looking

• Consider what you were doing when you found her

The Waiting Woman

• Know God…so that you can identify the husband in him who finds you

• Becoming a good wife requires training…what do you have surrounding you

to draw from?

• Be found doing something…(Proverbs 31 & Ruth)

• Understand to principle of helping…complete, not compete

• Stop looking and stop advertising

Divorce Risk Factors

• Young age…the higher the age beyond the 21-22, the risk of divorce is decreased

• Less education

• Less income

• Premarital cohabitation

• Premarital childbearing and pregnancy…in America 37% of children are born to parents who are not married and few eventually marry

• No religious affiliation

• Parents' divorce

• Insecurity…feeling insecure about yourself or your self-worth…insecure individuals are more likely to become unhappy in their marriages over time and to divorce

Most Common Reasons for Divorce(Some people gave more than one reason, which caused the % to be greater than 100%)

• Lack of commitment (73%)

• Too much arguing (56)

• Infidelity (55%)

• Marrying too young (46%)

• Unrealistic expectations (45%)

• Lack of equality in the relationship (44%)

• Lack of preparation for marriage (41%)

• Abuse (29%)

Close to half of divorced individuals wished they had worked harder to save their marriage.

Marriage Killers

• Praying about your spouse instead of for them

• Failing to learn how to deal with failures of authority properly…reference perspective for men and women

• Making the other person responsible for your happiness

• Accepting the responsibility of making your spouse happy

• Love language illiterate

• Gender illiterate

Marriage Killers

(continued)

• Having silent arguments

• Creating division in the home

• Holding each other hostage…sex, finances, displays of affection, connection time, etc…

• Putting on her dress and wearing his pants

• Unexplained changes or sudden changes

• Waiting forever to take your vows

Marriage Builders

• Understand your vows and their purpose…your vows are to God, about each other

• Pray together

• In hard times, remember God's promise and purpose for your marriage

• Affirmation of commitment to growing

• Away time…alone and with each other

• Demonstrate trust

• Sexual rendezvous…for the married…keeps the fire burning

• No secrets