social deprogramming
DESCRIPTION
How much are you controlled by your social and cultural programming? Too much. Override default settings and reclaim control of your social life! Talk given at blinkBL_NK in Singapore in November 2010TRANSCRIPT
Social Deprogramming
@benjaminjoffe blinkBL_NK| Singapore, 2010.11
With commentary!
Traveling & Living
blinkBL_NK
Have you lived or traveled out of your home country?
If so, you might have enjoyed discovering local culture & quirks
Durian Strudel!(Singapore, 2010)!
This one is from Singapore – not sure if it is such a great idea…
The other thing you learn when traveling is how others view your own culture
Which is oRen quite different from your own percepSon…
Behavioral Programming In Japan, people bow oRen –
even on the phone!
ARer 4 years there, my body language became a weird mix at Smes…
Kiasu?
Society and culture shape behavior. Singaporeans “love to queue” maybe because they are worried about missing out.
“The Accident of Birth”
ARer living in 6 countries and visiSng dozens, my current view is that our character is dominated by our cultural and societal
programming. This is not a happy thought for me.
Just like you computer is approached by viruses, we are invaded by ideas all day long
Study_hard/become_doctor/buy_condo
This is an idea that might be invading many in Singapore today…
Issues
• Default se^ngs
• Get in the way of social interacSons
• Undermine happiness
The key problem is: those ideas are not YOU and do not reflect
what makes YOU happy
And they get in the way of your social life. This will be the focus for the rest of the talk
Reforma^ng Your Social OS
If things go well, you might reformat part of your social OS
Field ObservaSon
I looked around me for learning about social interacSons. I’ll
share some observaSons here.
How do you feel about this guy eaSng alone?
If so, you might have enjoyed discovering local culture & quirks
A photography project in Singapore interviewing people dining alone. The social sSgma is there but many are actually quite self-‐confident
and like being by themselves.
A social place?
Cafes look like social places but quite oRen this is closer to what you see…
Is this seat free?
This is a situaSon where you might like to have higher social skills :-‐)
Speed daSng
• Context
• Time constraint
• xxx
Speed DaSng
This is another example of people’s interest in meeSng people. Note the shared context, the formaled engagement and the Sme constraint
Pillow-‐Fight Flash Mob (Toronto, 2008)
What do you do when you’re done with the specified acSon? Maybe not as social as it looks…
Field Research: Santa Con (London)
My own experiment with idenSty in a a special costumed group. Santa Con is as much about partying as it is about Christmas :-‐)
Analysis
Did she noSce him?
I think so.
Engaging
Talk to her
Wait
The usual choice is…
(Approach Anxiety)
Is he/she interested?
• Poin%ng feet in your direcSon
• Smiling at you
• Talking to you
• Touching you
Looking
Ge^ng Caught Staring
The SoluSon
The Real Trouble: Disengagement
The reason people are guarded when engaging or being engaged is because there is no clear Sme limit
to the interacSon.
The Real Trouble: Disengagement
The Real Trouble: Disengagement
Stranger
You
Physical +
Psychological
Framing (context)
Leveraging or creaSng a suitable context for the interacSon is key
Summary 3 Key Elements
1. Approach
2. Disengagement
3. Context (Frame)
Back to our flying friend…
Inner Monologue of a Guy Si^ng Next to a Hot Chick on a Plane
• How long should you wait?
• Is it based on %me, or distance?
• Is it a percentage of the total Sme/distance?
• Is it the same whether the flight is one hour or thirteen hours?
Classics
• “Hi! I’m Ben” (handshake)
• “Heading home?”
Some classic lines. Second one is much beler as it starts a conversaSon, not just a polite exchange.
Unique Style? Accessories?
Anything that stands out is a good starSng point.
What to say?
• “Nice swan dress!”
• “Nice swan dress! What’s the story behind it?”
• An original item is an invitaSon
Eventually…
Speak your mind!
Technical soluSons
Chatroulele shows people are curious, but both engagement and disengagement are too brutal to enable meaningful interacSons.
You can sSll play Chatroulele Bingo.
Vchaler is doing a much beler job: unique ID (first name), moderaSon and reporSng, and topics suggesSons based on the
other’s interests
In-‐game dates!
Even online games can be seen as social places. This service offers to arrange in-‐game dates.
How do you say “Hi” to people before ge^ng to know them?
A service a bit strange by a Japanese startup
How do you say “Hi” to people before ge^ng to know them?
A drrop is a text posted by someone in the world in the last 24 hours.
By wiping a drrop, you can see another drrop.
It is basically “eavesdropping” on Facebook comments to start conversaSons
Why?
MoSvaSons
• Boredom
• MeeSng people
• Vague promise of sex
• Human Zoo Other ideas? Please let me know!
Be my mail friend!
When mobile email was launched in Japan 10 years ago people were sending messages to random numbers to make friends.
This disappeared as spammers took over
Lovegety (Japan, 1998)
(Never seen anybody use one)
Never seen one in Japan – probably a summer fad reported as “big in Japan”, but sSll interesSng from a sociological standpoint.
HumanNetworkLabs
• Short-‐range communicaSon device • Find or track things and people within 200m
Sounds like Lovegety to me ;-‐)
Loopt
A service to help people get together
Foound
A service to help friends get together
Mobile Social Network for Pets
Pets are great proxys for people!
Another interesSng concept
Start conversaSons!
designed based on sociological & anthropological research*
Use your mobile and a topic you create to generate interacSons
and conversaSons
Rethinking Social Places
Queuing for StarCraR 2
Queues are great social places! Why?
Queuing for LV
Because they have: (1) Shared context (2) Time constraint (3) Physical proximity That’s all you need!
Rain as an Ad-‐Hoc Social Place
People waiSng for the rain to top – shelter as social place. Same
reasons: context, proximity, Sme constraint.
The “9” experiment
9 A social experiment in Portland – wear this badge if you are in the service industry and able to give freebies. You’ll give them to
people with this badge and receive freebies in
other stores too!
blinkBL_NK Experiments
“Stepping out of your shoes”
Let’s experiment together!
Let’s remove our shoes!
Now find someone with your size to trade!
1-‐minute Sme constraint
Other experiment: have a 1 minute conversaSon with another alendee
Lame Opener Experiment
Final one: talk to anyone you are interested in. Your opener can be as lame as you want!
Thanks! (you have the rest of the evening to find back your shoes )
That’s it! Thanks for reading. You can reach me at @benjaminjoffe