social styles: how to influence difficult people and smile

Dee Daley Social Styles Tool Kit of 13 For Teambuilding Sessions contact: [email protected] in this tool kit is based on the For Teambuilding Sessions contact: [email protected] in this tool kit is based on the work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

Social Styles: How to Influence Difficult People and Smile While

Doing It!

TOOLKIT

Work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid

The concept of working styles (social styles) was originally developed in the 1960s by industrial psychologist Dr. David Merrill and was based on his studies in observable behaviors. Merrill and Roger H. Reid developed the Social Style Model as a tool for understanding our basic behaviors and the impact we have on others. It is the most rigorously tested and practical approach for identifying and building interpersonal skills in business settings.

In the book Personal Styles and Effective Performance published in 1981 David Merrill and Roger Reid made the social styles model a popular business model. They emphasize that one should focus on observable behavior. In a work situation what really matters is one’s observable behavior-not the inner being.


Work of Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton built on the social styles work of Merrill and Reid. They provide more research and information on the social styles and versatility (flexing).

Bolton & Bolton’s Social Style/ Management Style: Developing Productive Work Relationships was published in 1984

People Styles At Work...And Beyond was published in 2009

Material in this tool kit is based on the work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

Merrill and Reid worked for an insurance company and their initial objective was to predict who would be successful in life insurance roles.

Merrill and Reid developed a four quadrant model based on two dimensions: Ask vs. Tell and Controls Emotions vs. Emotes.

Action Orientation or Emotion Orientation: Action orientation relates to the degree to which we tend to Ask or Tell. The Emotion Orientation relates to the degree to which we show our emotions.

The four styles:

• Analytical — serious, exacting, logical, values accuracy and facts • Driver (or Director) — independent, practical, formal, values actions and results • Expressive —animated, forceful, impulsive, values approval and spontaneity • Amiable — dependable, open, supportive, values security and relationships


Most people behave in a way that will reflect one’s style most of the time. Although most people have characteristics of each style, each person has a dominant style and that style influences the way he or she behaves.

These quadrants do not represent stereotypes. They simply categorize groups of observable behaviors. There is no “best” style. There is no right or wrong style.

Merrill and Reid research showed that no style was more successful than another; despite differences in how they work, each of the styles can get the job done to a very high standard. Successful, well-regarded persons were found along all ranges of assertiveness and responsiveness just as were less successful individuals.

Versatility is the key

Their research showed that one’s versatility –also called interpersonal acumen or flexibility does correspond to one’s success.

Versatility is a skill that is practiced in a dynamic manner. It means constantly monitoring your behavior and shifting your actions so they do not interfere with a relationship.

Unlike assertiveness and responsiveness – people can work to improve their versatility/flexibility and it can change throughout our lives.

Pages 98-99 of the Merrill and Reid book has a 12 question “Versatility Self Scoring Questionnaire”.

Backup Behaviors

An individual’s style under stress can sometimes be the best indicator of a person’s true style. Under extreme stress people may go into backup behaviors. This is called the backup style. These are non- productive, exaggerated behaviors.

These behaviors are an automatic reaction to and overload of stress. It is not a conscious choice.

When a person is in their backup their behaviors become more extreme.

See chart below for more information on back up styles.

Identify your style

The research shows that the best way to determine our style is to ask others to assess us. For a brief inventory to determine your style, see page 55 of the book Social Style/ Management Style: Developing Productive Work Relationships.

We are all in the minority


Behaviorally speaking-all of us are in the minority. Being aware that there are different styles helps us understand people better relate better and will help us better influence people.

75% of the people you interact with are different than you. Being aware that there are different styles helps us understand people better and will help us influence people.

Style Flexing

Style flexing is a strategy for strategies for influencing people who have styles different from their own.

Style flex is the temporary adjustment of a few of your behaviors to make the interaction more comfortable for the other person.

The goal is to influence another person. The emphasis is on the other person’s style and accommodating to that,

Good times to flex:

• The person is “difficult” from your perspective • A new situation such as a job interview • You find the person difficult • Tension exists • When there may be some stress or conflict


Style flexing is not intended to be manipulative, fake, or artificial. Influence is a crucial skill for leaders, particularly because much of our effectiveness as leaders comes not from our position in the organization, but from our ability to get things done through the people over whom we do not have direct control.

This is particularly relevant in matrix and other non-hierarchical organizations where teams, virtual teams, and global teams are prevalent.

When you work with someone of the same style, there can be style based clashes between two people of the same style.

• Expressers- both may want the limelight • Drivers- Both bring high level of assertiveness • Relaters- Each may be waiting for the other to make decisions • Analyticals- Join together in perfectionism-may miss deadlines

A general guideline for what to do when you are in a style clash with someone of your own styles is to moderate your behavior towards the opposite corner of the grid.

Hiring

Studies have been done indicating that people tend to hire people like themselves. However, other studies and considerable experience shows that the optimal mix for a team is the broadest mix. Romance Based on research from the Bolton’s there is a 95% probability that your partners’ behavioral style is significantly different than your own.

Social styles in a nutshell

• There are four social styles, none of which are better or worse than any of the other styles

• Population in US evenly divided among the styles • We are all four style people • Each of us has a dominant style • The ability to flex and exercise interpersonal acumen characterizes strong

leaders • The greatest potential conflicts in styles tend to exist on the diagonal. The

reason for this is because the styles on the diagonal share neither the same Action orientation nor the Emotion Orientation.


How to style flex


Style Flex Plan

The plan format above will help you determine your style flex plan.

Ask


Style flex preparation

Use chart below for tips to increase or decrease behaviors along the two dimensions.

Dee Daley Social Styles Tool Kit of 13 For Teambuilding Sessions contact: [email protected] in this tool kit is based on the work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

social styles: how to influence difficult people and smile

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