Software Development Methodologiesof Dumb Managers

www.nalakainfo.com

Compiled byNalaka Gamage

Missing lessons from text books

Missing lessons from text book

Theory in text books is mostly happy scenarios

Reality is often far from theory Not all are professional Not all are smart Not all are honest

Its time to be knowledgeable and eliminate those incompetent and crooks out of industry

The strategy

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.”

- Albert Einstein

1Identify It

2Name it

3Eliminate it

The Dumb & Crook Methodologies in Practice

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Development by Crisis

(DBC) Everything is a Crisis. Every task, you have to “Drop

everything” and work all night long!

Everything is a disaster.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies

Not Allowed To Do Development (NADD) Managers can be heroes in the

meetings and not in development, so they like to keep on talking in meetings eating up valuable time of developers.

Then they will expect developers to stay late to do coding!

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Budget Driven

Development (BDD) The time that a project will take is

dictated by how much the client will pay, instead of how long it will take to develop the application.

Generally leading to massively over-budget projects and exhausted developers.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies

Axxhole Driven Development (ADD) All wisdom, logic or process goes out the

window when Mr. Axxhole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best.

There may be rules and processes, but Mr. Axxhole breaks them and people follow anyway.

In worst case Mr. Axxhole might be a completely non technical person who has positional power (i.e. Boss).

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Client Wants It Anyway

(CWI) No matter how inane or unusable, just because the marketing teams wants it then it has to be in there.

Usually an over-budget, non-specified that will never be paid for.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Completely Redundant

Application Process (CRAP) You create the same

application someone in your company, division, department, or cubicle has already created.

But you either (A) want to write your own, or (B) had no idea someone else had done it.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies

Just One More Feature Outside Schedule (JOMFOS) Regardless how tight the

schedule, or how late the project – JOMFOS product managers can always find something strategic and groundbreaking that not only breaks the current design, but also has to be squeezed in before the unmoving release date.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Document Driven

Development (DDD) Copious amounts of

inaccurate, verbose and unnecessary documentation are prepared and maintained as if they somehow embody everything that needs to be done in the software.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Next Shiny Thing

Development (NSTD) When your development focus

changes every time your boss comes back from a tech conference.

Dum

b m

etho

dolo

gies Everything is High Priority

(EHP) Management comes and tell

you that something is required ASAP and next day something else is required ASAP – in the end nothing gets done!

The

Resu

lt is

……

……

….. IWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was

Somewhere Else) When two or more of the

previous methodologies are in effect the guys that really have a clue often get intoIWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was Somewhere Else) which produces some of the most unmotivated code in existence

Its time to kick these unprofessional / incompetent project management practices out of software industry

IT industry is for smart people doing smart things in smart ways.. Let’s not dumb, crook and vicious people spoil the industry !!

Let’s eliminate it !

Compiled by

Nalaka Gamage

www.nalakainfo.com

Software Development Methodologiesof Dumb Managers