Spanking th~DonkeyCan a new logo revive the Democrats?

fter botching two unbotchable elections, the Democratic Party has to really shake things

up to avoid a humiliating three-peat. We asked tour ad agencies skilled at marketing

things like bottled water and NASCAR (which, unlike the Democrats, are actually popular)

how they would replace the Dems' doddering donkey tor the election ahead. -Jim Hanas

BY POPULAR DEMAND

AGENCY Mad Injection, New York

Clients include IFCand figleaves.com

THE PITCH "To succeed in today's

hateful Christian-right climate, you have

to be a complete sellout. The thinking is,

Give the people exactly what they want."

Dispassionate Progressivism

AGENCY DDB/Seallle, Seattle

Clients include the Narth Face and the

Seattle SuperSonics

THE PITCH "Taking a cue from

the success of 'compassionate

conservatism: 'dispossionate

progressivism' is a mantra for a new,

less emotionally volatile party. What we

need is an angry-young-manectomy

to keep us calm and stabilized.

According to feng shui, curves are

more harmonious than points. This new

'blunted star' is a softer patriotic symbol,

with testicles tastefully withdrawn: a

smaller pair for a less enraged era."

AGENCY Anomaly, New YorkClients include Dasani water

THE PITCH "The perception of

the Democratic Party is that it is too

intellectual, weak, and liberal, Activating

the phrase 'Fight the good fight'

repositions the party as visceral, strong,

and moral. The slogan also de-positions

Republicans - they fight the 'bad'

fights. The logo, an homage to the back

of a dollar bill. reflects 'indivisibility'

and 'unity: and - since almost every

social and political issue is associoted

with money - reflects the Democrats'

awareness of reality."

AGENCY Boone/Oakley, Charlotte, NC

Clients include MTV2 and NASCAR

THE PITCH "Neither phallic nor rude,

th~ Clinton Thumb is the ideal mark to

replace Thomas Nast's aging donkey.

Emphatic but decidedly nonthreatening,

the Clinton Thumb is already a part of the

political iconography - even Dubya was

waving it around in '04 - and it solidly

connects the party to the only recent

Democratic president who didn't suck."

THE RULE

"Every member of the Rubberhead

Club must take flying lessons at thePeter Pon School of Flying."

OUR PICK: PATRICK SWAYZE **

THE RULE

"All members must

be in bed (alone)hu thran n' •.••I•...••..••.•

THE RULE

"All members of the Rubberhead

Club must not smoke, drink, use foul

longuage, or use drugs under onycircumstances."

OUR PICK: RICK SCHRODER*

THE RULE"All members must

THE RULE

"All members of the

Rubberhead Club

must be idiots and

act crazy atall times."

OUR PICK: TOM SIZEMORE

THE RULE

Poor, lonely MichaelJackson. Few thingsare more destruc­

tive of a man's ability to find

young boys to play with than

being an trial for molestinga young boy. Before his le­

gal troubles began, MJ pro­vided housequests with the