Spiritual Connectors and Alienators in Adolescence

Ruach Qualitative Interviews

Spiritual Connectors

Role Models and Inspirational People

Role models or inspirational people are found in camp settings

1. “I have a counselor who is an amazing person, he helps me realize how great a thing it is to be spiritual”)

2. In youth movements:“Two of my madrichot were very inspiring…they went to college and aren’t doing crazy things but working for the Jewish people”

3. At school:“Having a good relationship with your rabbi You respect them and take what they are saying to heart. A rabbi that can talk to you personally.

Chesed

Some students mentioned chesed as a source of connection.

1. Result from act of giving: “I work at an old-age home, and singing and working with the old people. The chesed, the music and talking about the parasha is very spiritual”

2. Receiving:" You have no idea what a phone call or a visit can do….this is the essence of our religion”)

3. Observing: “Seeing people devote themselves to other people”

Nature

1. Connections through nature are formed by1. Observing nature: “When I walk home from school and

the sun is setting. Watching that makes me think that God created it”

2. Visiting special places in nature: “Going to the desert was the most powerful thing in the world, I felt God’s presence. It was so beautiful” “this past Lag BaOmer I was in a forest with a bonfire and kumzitzes all night”, “we were in Yerucham where there is nothing to do. We were in the middle of nowhere. We went to sand dunes where it is totally black. They had people spread out in the dark and talk to God. We were alone. It was us, nature and God”

3. Outside activity: (“being out in nature and seeing what it is there. I was on a family trip skiing in France”

Informal Jewish activities and Shabbatonim

1. Informal activities such as Tishes and kumzitzes “Tishes and kumzitzes break down barriers and make me feel connected.

2. Being in the dark”: “Tishes that are done before Shabbat or rosh hashana is more than just being on yourself, you’re connected to others”

3. shabbatonim: “At… shabbatons when we do “ebbing” Shabbas, when we are sitting in a circle and this guy gives an inspirational speech”

4. School chagigas “Chagigas… when everyone is dancing”).

Shabbat and Holidays

1. Shabbat either because of the rest and avoidance of distractions:“On Shabbat when I don’t have anything to do other than what God commanded. When there is no radio, phone or computer. It is hide-away time with God.”

2. Shabbat rituals “Friday night dinners…the Kiddush candle-lighting and singing is both connection through community and ritual”

3. Special tefilot:“Friday night shemoneh esreh and kabbalat Shabbat and maariv…there is a real sense of peace and calmness in the air”, “Friday night davening. I enjoy that there is a community aspect. In our shul we have women’s tefilah which is a chance to be in connection with others…It is night and dark and that lends itself to spirituality”, “When we sing lecha dodi the tune is very spiritual…it is a connection across the world and the generations”).

4. Yamim Noraim: either because of the sense of vulnerability during that time:“On Rosh Hashanah and Yom kippur especially during mussaf, during those times we are pleading with God and we feel vulnerable”

5. The effect of the chazzan :“shul on rosh Hashanah or yom kippur when the chazzan does the hineni”

6. Time available for tefilah:“on rosh Hashanah and yom kippr when you actually have time to think about what you’re saying is a time of real connection”

7. Others refer to Tisha B”av as an occasion to experience a religious connection either because of the inspirational speakers:“At my camp on Tisha Bav we heard…she speaks and has people crying for 20 minutes straight, and then has us laughing for 10 minutes”

8. Group experience of singing at camp during that time:“I was in camp on Tisha Bav at the lake and they light something. We sing songs. Everyone sang together and knew the words.”

Israel1. Many students described connections through Israel, but the way

in which Israel serves as a connector varies considerably: 1. some felt a connection by virtue of the miracle of Israel’s

existence: (“I cried at the Israeli day parade. The state of Israel is a miracle.”

2. School trips to Israel:" I had been to Israel twice before that but going with my class was quite special”, “everyone who went on the 8th grade trip…it can be anywhere in Israel…being in Israel”

3. Visiting certain places in Israel:“Davening at machtesh at sunrise was the best davening ever”, “being at the kotel with the great variety of people who are there”

4. Traveling around Israel" Driving around Yerushalayim with that music which helped me feel it”,

5. Just being there:" whenever I am in Israel, I feel connected to Hashem whatever I do”, “I feel connected to the Land of Israel… I feel God’s presence”, “There is a real sense of holiness that you feel in Israel”, “There is something special and religious, a secret about Israel that brings all the people from the world to Israel.”

Music

1. Shabbat meals “Friday night dinners…the Kiddush candle-lighting and singing is both connection through community and ritual”),

2. Dancing (“Chagigas at… when everyone is dancing”, “I wasn’t expecting it but we were singing and dancing)

3. at shul (“at shul when the 13 middot are being sung together)

4. “Overnight camps: “I was in camp on Tisha Bav at the lake and they light something…we sing songs. Everyone sang together and knew the words”, “Big groups of Jews, at camp, when we’re singing together even at school”, “I always feel God around me although most connected when I am in camp Friday night. I feel so connected, everyone there is singing”, “I went to camp… and particularly during shalosh seudos the big thing is singing. It is beautiful to hear everyone sing. You understand the ruach of the song based on the ruach in the room”),

5. School (“When there is a simcha or school retreat and there is singing and dancing and there is a Jewish song…the connection to other Jews is significant, all the Jews together and united.”)

Camp

1. Connections at camp are the result of the sense of community (“because everyone there is observant” and contrast with “Because most people there are less observant than me”, ”at camp it is day and night living with people in a small community”, “Overnight camps and shabbatons are good because people from different cities and backgrounds get together. We get together and sing”),

2. of group singing (“I always feel God around me although most connected when I am in camp Friday night. I feel so connected, everyone there is singing”, “Big groups of Jews, at camp, when we’re singing together, “I went to camp and particularly during shalosh seudos the big thing is singing. It is beautiful to hear everyone sing. You understand the ruach of the song based on the ruach in the room”),

3. or of the general atmosphere there: “I went to camp… Shabbat there was awesome. The ruach was over the top”, One month during the summer I go to summer camp… every second there is spiritual. Everone loves being there and they feel love of Hashem all the time. The davening is amazing. Shabbat is unbelievable.”

Tefila

Tefilah

1. There are a number of different ways in which students feel connected through tefilah: through the words of the tefilah (“when I am davening I feel that I am saying the words that people have been saying for a thousand years”, “When I am davening and connect to the words that I am saying”),

2. through the music of tefilah (“Combination of music with tefillah”),

3. through tefilah at special places (“Davening at machtesh”, “Davening at the kotel near Beit hamikdash”),

4. through types of minyanim (“Most connected when I daven in a sephardi shul… I feel that everyone is into it together…there is an interactive, participatory togetherness”),

5. through specific tefilot (“Davening in the morning, particularly Hallel”, “When saying krait shema al hamittah and reflecting saying hamalkh hagoel, asking God to send an angel, feeling vulnerable because its dark, it’s a time where it’s almost necessary to relate to God”, “A lot of times I feel connected in shmone esreh, it is a two way connection, I feel that I am talking to God, “When davening and saying keriat shema al hamittah helps me to reflect on the whole day. I think about God as the source of today and past and future. That connects me to life and to being an actor. I am in a conversation with God”, “Friday night shemoneh esreh and kabbalat Shabbat and maariv…there is a real sense of peace and calmness in the air”),

6. through group tefilah (“I usually feel most connected in davening, not when it is silent but when we are all singing together and coming together”),

7. or through the awareness of God’s presence and God’s attentiveness during tefilah (“Knowing that Hashem is listening, “Whenever I have been nervous I feel there that there is a sense of comfort when I talk to God”, “When things are tough I can talk to God”, When I am davening I have a connection to hakadosh baruch hu”).

Schools

School: Classes

DMC-deep meaningful conversations”, “Last year, we had a really intense discussion about free-will in Chumash class. Understanding the attributes of God makes me feel connected.”), or when they evoke feelings of connectedness and spirituality (“When I am sitting with גמרא and my chavrutah with his. It is about more than גמרא. It goes back thousands of years to har Sinai. It is about more than just learning. It is about all the history and tradition that has happened. When we are sitting it connects us to Hashem at Har Sinai”), or when the they include an experiential component (“When I get into the learning of the gemara and I love it and that connects me to God”

School: Teachers-

method of teaching (“I love the Halacha teacher, he gives 6 different opinions, pointing out the lenient and the machmir ones. He incorporates a lot of hashkafa”),

their sincerity and concern for their students (Chumash class with… really gives the impression that she believes and cares about the material”, “…in chumash can really change my day, every day. She really means what she says. She really wants to help the girls grow”),

because they share their personal experiences (“Teachers in talking about their experiences makes me want to be able to do that”), and because students feel that they are approachable (“Having a good relationship with your rabbi (teacher). You respect them and take what they are saying to heart. A rabbi that can talk to you personally. I had this one rabbi for 9, 10, 11.”).

School- Informal and experiential activities- chagigas (“Chagigas…when everyone is dancing”,

“We have chagigas on holidays…it is spiritual and makes us feel connected”),

night seder (“Night seder, learning after school. The fact that there are a lot of people doing something they don’t have to do”)

and through the sense of community (“The unspoken rule of this school is that everyone needs to participate. That is a real connector”, “There is a sense of community here that makes it feel good and spiritual”).

Spiritual Alienation

Religion and Genetics

The God Gene

Dean Hamer

Heritability of Spirituality

Studies comparing identical to fraternal twins finds that spirituality as measured by the self transcendence scale is significantly heritable

This heritability is as strong or stronger as that found for many personality or physical traits

Unique life events interacting with heritability are the main shaping forces of an individual’s level of spirituality

Identifying a Specific Gene

There is a specific individual gene associated with spirituality (self transcendence) – this “God gene” codes for a monoamine transporter- a protein that controls the amount of crucial brain signaling chemicals.

These same brain chemicals can be triggered by certain drugs that can bring out mystical-like experiences

Many others genes and environmental factors are involved but this gene is thought to play a key role

Spirituality and Optimism

The brain chemicals controlled by the God gene appear to influence spirituality by altering consciousness

The relationship between spirituality and consciousness is seen in self transcendence where consciousness is altered by a blurring of the normal distinction between self and other

Hamer hypothesizes that we are “hard wired” for spirituality because it brings us a sense of optimism which is highly advantageous for physical and mental health

Sources of Alienation: Ruach

People’s Behavior

Judgmental Response of Others About their Religious Behavior: The way in which they are treated when others make comments about their religious behavior (“When people make fun of me for not talking lashon hara”, “I feel like I get distance from Hashem when I get made fun of, like at a co-ed party when I don’t want to dance with a guy”, “People label you as frum and that make me want to be disconnected”, “I am criticized for doing or not doing something that is not so religious…it shouldn’t be the business of other people…it’s obnoxious and destructive”),

Improper Behavior of Jews toward one another (“You can think that all Jews are together and care about one another and then you see something like Madoff and it makes me feel betrayed. When religious people don’t live up to standards, there was a big fight in my shul and people did bad things”, “I see the fight between Zionists and Neturei Karta as being pretty terrible and not what Jews should be doing. If, in the Israeli day parade, they protest and we scream back, we still need to keep peace because we are still brothers. Judaism shouldn’t be like that”)

Disappointment in the behavior of alleged role models (“when role models let us down”).

Theological/philosophical Problems-1. General problems within Judaism (“Attitude toward

other religions. We shouldn’t have to put down others to make ourselves feel strong”),

2. Absence of good explanations for certain halakhot (“Some rules that I don’t understand why makes me less likely to do it”, “Talking about certain halakhot that don’t make sense are a turn-off”),

3. “Bad” answers that they are given to philosophical questions (“Bad answers are disconnectors. When people sweep things under the rug that is very much a turn-off”, “Teachers give bad answers and don’t explain things”).

School as a Source of Alienation

Teachers

Coercive methods of instruction : “Teachers who try to force things down my throat that goes against my beliefs”, “When rebbeim shush, snap and tap me on the head. Rebbeim are not here to make us daven but to influence us”),

Close-minded religious teachers: (“I am turned off by only one hashkafic mindset being brought in a rigid, non-flexible way”), when they are perceived as indoctrinating (“There are times in the classroom when I feel that I am being indoctrinated.

Apologetics: “a midrash that foolishly exonerates someone in the Tanakh”,

Lack of Caring“They don’t really care for us. I feel that they should care for us. But they don’t”

Workload, Tests and Grades Work Load in Judaic Studies (“The amount of work that they

give us, especially in the “Judaic stuff” is more stressful, we are stressing over these subjects. It’s a turn-off, I am disliking the religion because we are forced to study so much”),

Tests and Grades (“Having tests for learning really takes away from any possible enjoyment in the learning”), the fact that there are grades in these subjects (“Sometimes when they give grades for Judaic studies it takes away from the joy and the pleasure of learning”),

General Feeling of Pressure at school (“The pressure of school really detracts from my spiritual life”, “If there wasn’t so much pressure it would be better”).

Rules and Enforcement

Rules governing religious observance at school (“Something being forced and not optional is a major problem. This comes up primarily in tzizit and davening.”, “Dress code and the requisite emphasis seems sad”, “When I am being forced to do something that I do not feel makes my Judaism better it makes me feel alienated and dislike what rabbis make me do.” This school forces us to do things and it turns us away from being connected“),

Method of enforcement of these rules (“I would take rabbis off disciplinary duty. It is not going to change what I do. Discipline doesn’t change me. It just makes me more angry. It is a show.” “…can yell at me and that is a disconnector),

Enforcement of Rules out of School: the fact that these rules are sometimes enforced even outside the boundaries of school (“Something can happen outside of school (like a party) and the school makes connections within school is a disconnector because it is overstepping the bounds with the students.”)

Being Watched general discomfort arising from the feeling that they are being watched (“I sometimes feel that I am being watched. If I do something wrong, I don’t want someone to stare me down or some teacher that I don’t know to stand over my shoulder and look at me”)

General atmosphere: Some students felt alienation because of a general feeling that all students need to fit a particular mold (“A big turn-off is how they tend to be against variety in the school. They expect a certain mold. If you don’t fit that mold they don’t accept you-school can be alienating”),

Need to Cover up Religious Non-observance: because of an environment of fear that discourages students from revealing the truth about their religious observance (“I have to lie and pretend that I am a religious kid. They check only the kids that they think are bad kids”)

Questioning Discouraged: concern that asking certain questions will have dire consequences (“Not being able to be honest about what I think in class makes me nervous because I am afraid of being kicked out like the kid in 11th grade. You can’t ask questions. A person who actually asked questions was told to get out of the school.”)

Student Recommendations

Tefilah

Make school minyanim smaller Ensure that they end with sufficient time to

prepare for class (“Should have guaranteed 20 minutes from the end of davening so people won’t have to rush to class”

More song in tefilah, Tone down the intensity of the supervision

during tefilah (“Teachers shouldn’t be overpowering during davening”)

Teachers

Recommendations regarding teachers had to do with the age of teachers (“having younger teachers would be good”),

Consistency in teacher behavior: (“Don’t have a teacher be inconsistent because that reflects poorly about the religion”),

More open-minded (“Teachers who are less opinionated-not his way or the highway”), and who are available for students on a personal level (“Students should want to feel that they can talk to their rabbis. They should have office hours”).

Informal learning and experiential programming More informal and experiential programming

such as chagigas on special occasions that involve singing and dancing, as well as shabbatonim, and after school programming (“like the 10th grade kinnus teshuva”)

More activities of a Jewish nature (“Needs to be active program for something Jewish, i.e. challah baking, doing something together where they get along and also do something Jewish”).

General School Framework Freedom to choose classes in Judaic Studies Shorter day Change the tracking system (“cramming all the

great students into one class, the other classes are left with students who are not that interested or serious”

Take rabbis off disciplinary duty Forbid male teachers from speaking with girls

about tzniut Curriculum that is student-driven Less preaching and more listening

Jewish Studies Curriculum

Subjects considered problematic-in truth this category should be called “subject” rather than “subjects” because, when singling out subjects that are problematic, gemara is cited almost exclusively. While it is not entirely clear what it is about gemara that they find problematic

some referred to the perceived irrelevance to their lives (“how is gemara going to help me in my life?”)

the disproportionate number of hours as compared to other subjects (“Gemara shouldn’t be taking so much time”, “I don’t need a double gemara every day”)

general dislike of the subject (“I get bored in Talmud class”, “Take away Talmud”).

Subjects that students would like to include in the curriculum Relevance: subjects that “are relevant to our lives” although they

didn’t describe what they had in mind. Some mentioned specific subjects such as “Jewish Legal Tradition” which is about religion and spirituality and which they wish would be taught more frequently and required for all students,

Jewish history, “stories”, biography and history of rabbinic figures Most recommendations however had to do with creating more

opportunities for deep meaningful conversations (DMCs) or classes about God, religious faith and the central questions of Jewish philosophy. Strikingly, in this context one student said “we never have a chance to ask these questions”