st. louis pmi november 14, 2012 emotional intelligence: just what is it and how can it help me...

St. LouisPMI

November 14, 2012

Emotional Intelligence: Just what is it and How can it help me achieve success as a Project Manager?

Presented by:Julie M. Kowalski

OfSpizzerinctum Group LLC [email protected]

262-993-4883

Spizzerinctum Group 262-993-4883 [email protected]

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Just What Is Emotional Intelligence?

A new yardstick

for

evaluating how well we handle ourselves and each other!


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The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence:

Competency research in over 200 companies and organizations worldwide suggests that about one-third of performance difference (top versus bottom performer) is due to technical skill and cognitive ability while two-thirds is due to emotional competence. (Hunter, Schmidt, & Judiesch, 1990)


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The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence:

Research by the Center for Creative Leadership has found that the primary causes of derailment in executives involve deficits in emotional competence. The three primary ones are:

1. Difficulty in handling change2. Not being able to work well in a team3. Poor interpersonal relations


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Emotional Intelligence

So exactly what is EI?

Emotional Intelligence is:

Intrapersonal (self-awareness & self expression) Interpersonal (social-awareness & interaction) Stress Management (emotional control) Adaptability (change management) General Mood (self-motivation)

Source: The 5 Meta Factors of the Bar-On model


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Emotional Intelligence is: - Continued

“Non-intellective” as well as “intellective” elements; affective, personal, and social factors

Ability to persist in the face of difficulty Ability to get along well with colleagues and subordinates Causal attribution people make when confronted with

failure or setbacks Optimists tend to make specific, temporary, external causal

attributions while pessimists make global, permanent, internal attributions


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Emotional Intelligence is: - Continued

The ability to manage feelings and handle stress Emotional intelligence has as much to do with knowing when

and how to express emotion as it does with controlling it. Emotional intelligence is NOT fixed at birth, it can be nurtured

and strengthened throughout adulthood

The ability to be sincerely empathetic Listen Really understand what others want Really understand others concerns The ability to recognize accurately what another person is

feeling


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What Emotional Intelligence is NOT: “Letting it all hang out”

Being nice

Telling everyone when you’re angry with them or blaming them for making you angry

Being “emotional”

Group hugs

Making everyone happy


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Miss-conceptions about emotional intelligence!

Women have a naturally higher level of emotional intelligence than men

Our level of emotional intelligence is fixed genetically

A person who is more “emotional” has a higher level of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence develops early in childhood


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Group Exercise

How can a high level of EI help me in my role as a Project Manager?


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EI Competencies

1. Self Awareness Emotional awareness Accurate self assessment Self confidence


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EI Competencies

2. Self Management Self Control Trustworthiness Conscientiousness Adaptability Self motivation / drive


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EI Competencies

3. Social Awareness Empathy Organizational awareness Seeing others clearly Emotional boundaries Optimism Service orientation


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EI Competencies

4. Relationship Management Building bonds Relationship with boss and stakeholders Developing others Telling the truth Commitment Collaboration and cooperation


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EI Competencies

5. Leadership Communications skills Conflict Management skills Inspiring others Innovativeness Initiative


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Self AwarenessThe first building block of EI

• What are YOUR emotional outbreaks: Inappropriate humor? Use of sarcasm? Passive aggressive behavior? Procrastination? Stubbornness? Playing the victim, hostility?


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Emotional Intelligence Quick Assessment – Institute for Health and Human Potential

Strongly Disagree

Disagree Neither agree nor disagree

Agree Strongly Agree

I can receive feedback or criticism without becoming defensive.

I calm myself quickly when I get angry or upset.

I communicate my needs and feelings honestly.

I can pull myself together quickly after a setback.

I am aware of how my behavior impacts others.

I handle conflict effectively.


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Strongly Disagree



I pay attention & listen without jumping to conclusions.

I stay relaxed and composed under pressure.

I stay focused (not lost in unimportant details or procrastination) in getting a job done.

I avoid about 10% of my job because I find it difficult.

I directly address people in difficult situations.


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Strongly Disagree



I freely admit to making mistakes.

I am always open to change.

I am always positive.

I always keep promises.

I admit my shortcomings

I resist the desire to act or speak when it will not help the situation.


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Self AwarenessThe first building block of EI

An Accurate Self-Assessment Aware of strengths and weaknesses Open to candid feedback, new perspectives,

continuous learning and self development Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about

themselves Presents self with self assurance Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a

limb for what is right Is decisive, able to make sound decisions despite

uncertainties and pressures


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Self AwarenessThe first building block of EI - Continued

Ways to improve your Self-Awareness

• Figure out your comfort level with conflict – healthy or unhealthy?

• Track other’s emotions with a tally sheet

• Check your face in the mirror as well as other non verbal's

• Read / learn more about EI

• Focus on EI

[email protected] 262-993-4883 22


Constructive Versus Destructive Conflict

When people who don’t trust each other engage in debate, they are trying to win an argument. They aren’t usually listening to the other person’s ideas and then reconsidering their point of view. They’re figuring out how to manipulate the conversation and get what they

want!

The Conflict Pendulum

Artificial Harmony Healthy/ ideal Conflict Destructive Keeping peace Mean-Spirited Attacks


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Self-Management

• Self control is the ability to remain composed in spite of our emotional state

• Ability to exercise control over both negative and positive emotions

• Avoid emotional breakdowns Angry tirades Door slamming Email letter bomb Withdrawal Holding grudges / getting even


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Self-Management

Ways to improve your Self-Management• Don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable / take on the moods and

attitudes of others• Don’t predict negative outcomes or events in the future• Don’t dwell or become fixated on one particular thought, remark,

event, injury or outcome• Don’t try NOT to think about it• Identify and deal appropriately with your hot buttons / hot words• Identify when you are taking things personally • Identify when you are “Perceiving” negative outcomes, criticism, or

blame• Stop participating in “stinking thinking” (should statements, negativity,

always, never, jumping to conclusions, blame)• Participate in DO-OVERS!


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Social-Awareness

Empathy (the ability to understand and relate to the emotions of others) is one of the most important competencies of social awareness

The ability to read the spoken & unspoken thoughts &

feelings of othersThe ability to appreciate the thoughts & feelings of othersCapacity to respect and value people who have different thoughts / ideas / backgrounds / cultures


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Social-Awareness

As Humans we are naturally selfish and self-oriented. It is unnatural to think of others first. Thus we have to PRACTICE listening without judgment and thinking that others may know more than us or have a better idea than us! Let others speak Maintain eye contact Give the speaker your full attention (no multi-tasking) Playback and summarizeOrient yourself to how you would feel if you experienced what they are experiencing Suspend Judgment! Remove filters / biases


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Social-Awareness -Continued

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional Boundaries are where one person’s emotions leave off and another’s begin.

We need to be responsible for our own emotions and let others be responsible for theirs!


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Warning signs of Individuals with emotional boundary issues

1. Taking on the moods and feelings of others (trying to “fix” others)

2. Sacrificing self to please others

3. Not being able to say no and then feeling victimized

4. Unable to express their own wants and needs


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Best way to improve social awareness and keep clear boundaries is to communicate with feeling words!

“When you ……” (some behavior or action)

“I feel …..” (an emotion, such as sad or angry)

“Because …..” (the reason)

“I want…..” (state what you want in the future)


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Social Awareness

Ways to improve your Social-Awareness• Improve your empathetic listening skills by letting others

speak without helping them, maintaining eye contact, orienting your responses to emotions, suspending your agenda while listening

• Track emotions during meetings• Identify emotional red flags in others • Track your own emotions• Explore and learn about people. Be open to the

possibility of being influenced!• Assess yourself and ask for feedback from others


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Relationship ManagementUsing our emotional understanding of others to build relationships with them!

Relationship Management Competencies

1. Inspiration

2. Influence

3. Being trustworthy

4. Developing others

5. Change catalyst

6. Conflict management

7. Teamwork and collaboration


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Team Leadership

A big part of your day will be spent proactively communicating!

Essential steps to intentional communications• Determine your objective• Understand your own emotions• Think of what the other person may be doing / feeling

when they receive the message from you and determine if that would be the best time for them to receive it!

• Choose the right time, place and media• Share your own emotions when appropriate


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Team Leadership

Conflict Management• Expect conflict• Be open to and take on conflict directly (talk about it)• Refrain from shooting the messenger• Add a block of time for “open rant” and resolution• Roll out standards of conduct• Include the common belief that cooperation is better

than competition in your standards of conduct• Provide lots of feedback• Let people decide how to resolve – your role is to

provide options!


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Skill Building ExerciseList 3 areas that you need to work on and

actions you will take

Area I need to focus on Action I will take


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THANK YOU

Thank you for allowing me the privilege of spending this time with you!

It has certainly been my pleasure!

Please do not hesitate to call me if I can be of assistance to you, your company, or other professional associations to which you belong.

I would be honored to talk to you. I am always willing to brainstorm, learn and share with others!

Spizzerinctum Group LLC Energy Enthusiasm Success

Julie Kowalski 262-993-4883 [email protected]

st. louis pmi november 14, 2012 emotional intelligence: just what is it and how can it help me...

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