PageA magazine of Extraordinary Families:

STARTING NOWSPRING 2016 | ISSUE 3

2 0 16 Inaugural Gala

Fost er 10 1: A n Insider 's Per spec t ive

Cont inuum of Car e Ref or m : Sum m it in Rev iew

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Contents

Fol l ow us on Inst agr am,

Facebook, Twit t er& LinkedIn!

3 Q & A A Conversation With Our Foster Care & Adoption Director Kim Sutton

4 2016 INAUGURAL GALA 6 IN FOCUS

Foster ing 10 1: An Insider 's Perspective on W hat to Expect

7 VOICES A Quar ter ly Glimpse into the Lives of Children & Youth in Foster Care

9 ACTION ALERT Continuum of Care Reform: FFA Summit in Review

12 MAKING A DIFFERENCEBuild ing a Successful Resource Hom e

14 EXTRAORDINARY FAMILIES Meet Stacie & Philip D'Amour

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Q: Why did you decide to start a career in child wel fare? A: Like many people, I f inished college with an idealistic sense of what I wanted to do to change the world. With a brand new Master?s in Marriage and Family Therapy, I was ready to be a therapist. Timing was everything, though, and my graduation coincided with a growing challenge in Los Angeles as record numbers of kids were experiencing separation from their families. I found an organization doing great work and started as a foster care social worker. My case load ranged from newborns to teenagers, and it was the families I met who both gave me hope and cemented my commitment to keep working hard to give kids a chance. I have heard some pretty gut wrenching stories, and I have also seen how resilient so many kids can be and have met many amazing people will ing to open their hearts and homes to kids in need. So to me, the best family therapy I can offer is to help kids f ind loving families, whether that is creating a new family or helping a struggling family f ind structure and heal wounds so they can reunite.

Q: What is Extraordinary Famil ies doing to recruit and retain more resource (foster) parents? A: Every day, there are kids in need of a family, so recruitment and retention of resource parents are a

Q & A

priority and one that needs to adapt to the world around us. Technology plays a great role in communicating our vision, so we are increasing our social media presence. We are actively reaching out to the LGBT community as societal changes celebrate the possibil it ies within the community to build families. We continue to ref ine how we reach out to, describe the role of, and train resource parents so they are prepared. And we continue to support our families so they can be the best stewards of our message of hope for the kids we care for. It is a deeply personal and important decision to become a resource family. We value the reputation we have built and our families have shared to help us reach our goal of having a family every time a child needs a safe place to live and grow.

Q: Can you share an amazing experience? A: We work with humans at their best and lowest points daily; and in that work, giving up ideas about the perfect story line is often necessary. My most amazing experience in child welfare was not perfect, yet it was a testament to the power of putting the child?s needs f irst and foremost. One family came to us to experience the joy of parenthood, and soon after a newborn needed care. These parents opened their hearts and home to the baby while the birth mother worked hard to straighten out a life of chaos;

and as she began gaining real sobriety and self worth, the foster parents realized reunif ication was possible. While brokenhearted to know the baby would not stay, they put the child?s needs f irst and provided the best possible care until the birth mother was ready. During the process, they got to know her, included her and even encouraged her to stay the course when it was the hardest for her and for them. When the baby reunif ied, the resource family knew they had been in the baby?s life for a reason, even if it wasn?t their reason. A short t ime later another child needed care, and

the same resource family stepped up to help; this time they were able to adopt. The most amazing and most dif f icult part of what we do is knowing every single case means one family may come apart while

another family comes together.   Q: How have the famil ies you have worked with helped to change l ives? A: The families we have worked with have been catalysts for healing, and helping kids who have experienced trauma with a nurturing

and stable home. We work with

families who are accepting kids unconditionally and celebrating every step of progress with love and safety. The care the family provides stays with the kids as they grow up,

letting them experience positive

family interactions and loving connections.

Kim Sut ton, Foster Care & Adopt ion Director

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On Apri l 20, 2016, Extraordinary Families

hosted its Inaugural Awards Gala in recognition of select individuals who improve the lives of children in foster care and raise awareness about the foster care system. Extraordinary Families would sincerely like to thank all who contributed to this memorable evening, sharing both laughter and tears in celebration of the honorees, and making it possible for us to continue this important work.

Masters of Ceremony and comediennes Renee Ridgeley and Sheila Chalakee, who brought joy throughout the evening, welcomed the 350 guests and introduced Sarah Boone, Extraordinary Families Chief Executive Off icer. Sarah provided a brief history of our organization: "Commitment. Integrity. Compassion. Unconditional love. Those are the qualit ies embodied at Extraordinary Families and in our supporters and staff ," she said as she introduced Gala Chair and Board member, Brooke Kaufman Halsband.

Former foster youth Margarita Vargas, Shari Walker and Demontray Thompson commanded the stage to

A Night To Remember

Shari Walker, Demontray Thompson, & Margarita Vargas (L-R)

Chris O'Donnell (left) and Shane Brennan (right)

speak poignantly about their respective journeys through foster care and their successful l ives today. Demontray's twin brother, Demontae, then took the stage to share an evocative piece he wrote entit led "Mother Where Were You." Demontae is the published author of an inspirational autobiography, "Raised From Scratch," and is currently writ ing another book to address the needs of youth in foster care.

Chief Pol icy Of f icer, Andrew Bridge, who grew up in the Los Angeles foster care system, gave a special introduction to actor Chris O'Donnell from the hit CBS series "NCIS: Los Angeles." In the program, O'Donnell 's character, G. Callen, spent his youth in 37 dif ferent foster homes, a plight that unfortunately is all too common. "I hope we've shed some light on the unusual path that so many foster children are forced to walk, "O'Donnell said as he introduced his boss, Executive Producer Shane Brennan, and presented him with Extraordinary Families' 2016 Visionary Award for helping to raise awareness about children in foster care.

First Lady of Los Angeles Amy Elaine Wakeland, wife of Mayor Eric Garcetti, presented the f irst of two

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A Night To Remember

Sylvia Fogelman Founder's Awards to resource parents Stacie and Philip D'Amour. "Their approach to parenthood, their loving care and devotion embody the Extraordinary Families mission," Wakeland said. Stacie, a stay-at-home mother to her and Philip's newly adopted baby girl, volunteers weekly with the agency; and with the wisdom of their experience, Stacie and Philip provide support to families just getting started on their foster care and

adoption journeys.

Board member Sean Reese presented the second award to resource parents Jason Peers and Eric Pelovello, who accepted their award with their two adopted sons. Prior to f inding their forever home, both boys had moved several t imes while in foster care and were living with individuals who were unable to adopt them. Erik and Jason opened their home and hearts to these boys, for whom it would have been dif f icult to f ind a family otherwise, due to their age and circumstances. Eric and Jason continue to contribute to Extraordinary Families and the foster care and adoption community, offering encouragement to those just beginning the process and speaking at resource parent orientations. Jason

Stacie & Philp D'Amor (far left and right) & Amy Elaine Wakeland Eric Pelovell (right), Jason Peers & their sons

also authored an eBook entit led ?From Foster-Adopt to Forever Family ? A Gay Couple?s Journey to Fatherhood,? which chronicles their journey .

Judith Hil l of fered the perfect close to this uplif t ing evening with a touching rendition of the Carole King classic, "You've Got a Friend" and an inspiring original song off her debut album, Back in Time.

Extraordinary Famil ies would again like to thank all who joined us in celebrating the honorees of the evening, to the donors for supporting our vision and mission, and to all who helped make it a night to remember.

Judith Hill

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Becoming a resource (foster) parent will change your life. It will impact you and your family in many ways, perhaps in ways you never could have imagined. It has the ability to warm both your heart and turn your life upside down all at once. And while it may be the most challenging and dif f icult journey you ever embark on, it may also be the most rewarding and life fulf il l ing. In deciding whether to become a resource parent, however, there are a few things you should know:

1. Your st rength of character wil l be tested. While some might call you a saint for becoming a resource parent, be humbled to know you are nothing more than an ordinary human being, f laws and all. That being said, you are required to have one superhuman quality: to care lovingly for a child as your own but with the ability to let go lovingly if she reunif ies with her family. You must be supportive of reunif ication, and in that sense, of the child?s parents. Ideally, when parents are able to heal, reunif ication is the optimal outcome for the child. Certainly there are cases where it is clear the parents are truly striving to rehabilitate and everyone, including you, is cheering them on. There are also cases that aren?t so clear: the family reunif ies but it seems as though it will only be a matter of t ime before they are brought back to the attention of the court. Though it will be dif f icult, and no doubt you will have some opinions, you must be supportive, learn to let go and hope for the best.

2. Things wil l not be perfect . While you must love the child as your own, refrain from assuming that she will accept you with open arms and that everything will go swimmingly. How could it not? You're providing a safe, warm and nurturing environment for a child who perhaps never experienced this before. Be prepared to have this expectation shattered. In all l ikelihood, your good intentions are foreign, simply

Fostering 101: An Insider's Perspect ive on What to Expect

In Focus

In Focusunwanted, or otherwise overridden by the effects of trauma. Even your efforts to tend to her most basic needs may be met with an onslaught of tantrums, screams, crying, and so-called bad behavior. Despite whatever circumstances brought her into care, no matter how horrible, being removed from everything and everyone she knew and loved is traumatic. You must have immense patience and determination. Though you may feel exhausted at t imes ? and you will ? or that you are not making an impact, know that you are. While she doesn?t realize or understand, you are protecting her from continued harm for the time she is in your care. You are also planting and nurturing a seed, providing the foundation from which she will grow and thrive.

3. You have l i t t le to no control . As a result, you may feel overlooked, undervalued, and voiceless. Know that you are not. You are an integral part of a team without whom the system intended to protect children would fail. As a member of this team, it is your priority and within your complete control to provide the greatest attention and care to the child in your home. This includes accurate, factual, and ongoing record keeping of the child?s wellbeing to be shared with key team members, namely the child?s county social worker, attorney, and foster care social worker. Develop good rapport with your team members and strive to establish and maintain cooperative collaboration. Although it may seem as though your child?s county social worker never returns your calls and/or only calls at the end of the month requesting a home visit that day ? and yes, this will happen ? understand the system within which they work is plagued with endless paperwork, high caseloads and turnover rates, and the employees are often overworked and underpaid. This is in part why your record keeping is of utmost importance, next to the care of the child. The information you provide to team members ultimately helps to inform the court of the child?s progress.

4. You have no rights. A child in your care can be

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removed just as quickly as she was placed, irrespective of any concerns you may have. You are not privy to certain information, such as the parents? progress in court-ordered services toward reunif ication, and you are not appointed an attorney. It can be frustrating at t imes, but remember your role in the process: to provide the greatest care and attention to the child in your home. Maintaining a cooperative relationship with the child?s attorney ? her voice in court ? is helpful, as is attending court proceedings, where you may learn information regarding the case and speak directly to the child?s attorney. The court may also wish to hear from you directly, as you have valuable knowledge regarding the child's needs.

5. You wil l feel judged, and you are ? by the child?s county social worker, attorney, foster care social worker, and other service providers. It is their duty to assess you and your home in order to ensure the child is receiving the attention and protection she deserves. What may be more dif f icult, however, is the judgment you will l ikely experience from birth parents. You may feel angry or even fearful of the them for having maltreated their child and harshly judge them for their actions. Don?t. Acknowledge, understand, and resolve your negative feelings in order to best

In Focussupport the child. Have empathy for the parents. Understand the reasons underlying child maltreatment are very complex and often generational. Understand, too, that the parents are often scared and angry, having lost their child, and are now in a daunting system with litt le to no understanding of the process, and litt le to no support or coping mechanisms. They may verbally lash out and point their frustration in your direction because, in most cases, you are now in possession of what they love most dearly. No matter how tempted you may be, don?t react with anger. Show compassion instead. Understand that building an appropriate relationship with the parents often proves essential to the child?s wellbeing. In optimal scenarios, you can serve as a mentor to parents and practice co-parenting with the shared goal of family reunif ication. Your partnership with the parents, though challenging, more often than not facil itates positive outcomes for the family, you, and most importantly, the child.

Knowing al l of this, why become a resource parent? Nationally, a child enters foster care every two minutes, and there are over 400,000 children currently in care. The need for quality homes for these children is a public crisis. Beyond need, the role of the resource parent is one of the most vital in the system working tirelessly to provide children with a greater future: they can love and teach children while

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Voicesalso supporting and serving as a positive inf luence to provide a safer home for their child to return to. They are rich with knowledge, l ife skil ls, and social capital, all of which can be used to help shore up a child's future opportunities. Even if you only care for one child, you have the potential to teach that child what it takes to be stable, abuse-free, and nurturing. The hope, then, is that they grow up to provide this to their children, and their children will do the same. There are so many life lessons and family experiences to share when you open your heart and home to a child and her family. You have the potential to help children, families, future generations, and communities at large.

Ult imately, the decision to become a resource parent

should not be taken lightly. You should have a clear understanding of your expectations as well as your motivations. Your ability to provide continued quality care is dependent upon this. Not everyone can be a resource parent. That's okay. For those who can't, there are stil l so many ways you can play a signif icant and positive role in the lives of children and families impacted by the child welfare system. For instance, you can volunteer, become a mentor, donate resources, advocate, or educate. In all, we each can play a part in improving the lives of children and youth in foster care.

If you would l ike more informat ion on foster care or other ways you can help, please contact us at

info@extraordinaryfamilies.org.

Voices: A Quarterly Gl impse into the Lives of Children & Youth in Care

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Cont inuum of Care Reform: Summit in Review

In the past issue of Starting Now, Extraordinary

Families introduced you to recent statewide legislative changes in child welfare, Continuum of Care Reform AB403 (CCR). To recap, CCR will phase out current treatment and services provided by congregate care, such as group homes, in favor of offering greater support and resources to foster parents and children, with particular attention to those with signif icant mental health needs and youth involved in the probation system. Much of this overhaul is dependent upon effective and expanded resource parent recruitment, retention, and support.

Extraordinary Families recently hosted a summit on CCR featuring a panel of experts and a keynote speech by Dr. Khush Cooper, a renowned expert in policy implementation with child welfare and social services. The summit's goal was to provide a platform from which service providers could discuss what the upcoming changes mean for recruiting resource families, with the goal of developing practical solutions to guide policy implementation and recommendations to share with the state to inform further roll-out of the legislation. Over 100 participants attended with representatives from the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), the Department of Mental Health (DMH), the Probation Department, various Foster Family Agencies (FFAs), group home providers and social service organizations (such as Rosemary Children's Services, The Village, Five Acres, Penny Lane, Aviva, St. Anne's, LA Youth Network, Trinity Youth Services, and many others), as well as philanthropic organizations (including UniHealth Foundation, Weingart Foundation, Ralph M. Parsons Foundation, Rose Hills Foundation, and Southern California Grantmakers).

Fol lowing the summit , Dr. Cooper shared, "The summit was a great f irst step for the LA County child

Act ion Al ert

welfare system to come together as a community to tackle this reform to create community and family-based solutions for youth that traditionally get stuck in congregate care. It?s going to take all of us to pull it off . DCFS really showed its commitment to the providers by sending its delegates and providing thoughtful and frank responses. We also had the small provider perspective, the large provider perspective, and the recruitment perspective ? all components needed in this discussion." The primary outcomes of the summit included developing an understanding of the philosophy behind the legislation, and getting "present to the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity it is to overhaul a system that desperately needs an upgrade;" identifying key organizational areas that will be impacted and the preparatory conversations and resources needed; launching a conversation

about systematic and eff icient implementation using

best practices from other sectors; and "provid(ing) a venue for people to start networking to create partnerships so we can create a seamless and non-duplicative continuum of care that provides the right services to the right kids at the right t ime for the right cost." She added, "We are so used to doing Ready-Fire-Aim in our sector, which means we spend

Keynote Speaker Dr. Khush Cooper

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too litt le t ime and resources on planning and designing implementations....We have an opportunity to do this one dif ferently ? we have more tools and expertise available to us than ever before. We need to Ready. Then Aim. Then Fire."

While the summit created a forum for conversations about the implications of the policy, Dr. Cooper also outlined the following next steps: have the county develop a communication strategy regarding CCR in partnerships with leaders in the provider community; continue the dialog quarterly, and add DMH and Probation to the center of the discussion; encourage similar events in other counties; access implementation best practices and resources; and encourage the philanthropic community to fund capacity-building in the form of research and

development support and implementation resources.

Act ion Al ert

To assist in these ef forts, Extraordinary Families will be participating in the California Department of Social Services (CDSS) FFA work group, we will host future summits on the issue for providers to share information and resources as things evolve, and we will be working with Dr. Cooper as well to inform CDSS of the status and concerns of dif ferent of providers regarding the changes. Like Dr. Cooper, we are excited for this opportunity to "do this one dif ferently" to ensure the children and youth impacted by the reform receive the best quality of care.

For more informat ion on CCR and ongoing updates, visit the CDSS website and the available CCR press release and additional fact sheet: http:/ /www.childsworld.ca.gov/pg2976.htm

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Making A Dif ference

Building a SuccessfulResource Home

The making of a successful resource

(foster/adoptive) home, one that maximizes the potential and supports the development and well-being of the children residing therein, begins with quality parent training. In as much as social workers require preparation and training to acquire the knowledge and skills needed to be effective in their work, so do resource parents.

Arguably, resource parents are the most valuable asset in child welfare because of their role in providing a safe and nurturing home environment for children who have been abused or neglected. Through their care, resource parents have the potential to make a profound dif ference in the life of a child, help preserve families, and provide long-lasting guidance and care to help children develop to their fullest potential. They also communicate and coordinate with the parents and families of the children, as well as with several key service providers involved in each case. However, without adequate and appropriate preparation and support, a variety of problems can surface, including conflict among resource parents and service providers; resource parent strain, poor functioning and attrit ion; and any number of barriers to ensuring the wellbeing of the children, such as placement disruptions, or worse, child maltreatment. Given these detrimental consequences, an investment in quality resource parent training is vital.

To expand and improve upon our practices, optimize our resource homes and, thus, the care provided to children, Extraordinary Families recently adopted and began implementing the competency based PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) model of practice. Originally developed in partnership with the Il l inois Department of Children

and Family Services and an extensive coalit ion of resource parents, various child welfare organizations, educators, and other experts nationwide and internationally, the model is used across the United States and in more than 25 countries. It is so favored as a model of practice because it offers a standardized framework for the recruitment, preparation, assessment, and selection of resource families, as well as continued resource parent education and support beyond pre-placement training. Further, it uses strengths-based language and culturally responsive best practices and teaches trauma-informed skills to ensure staff and parents work collaboratively to achieve optimal outcomes for the children in care and all families involved (birth, foster, or adoptive). Being a model of practice means that all resource parents and foster family agency staff share the same vision, mission, goals, and values; use the same strengths-based child and family centered language; demonstrate the same standard of work ethic; and share accountability for outcomes. This teamwork and shared vision toward a common goal is integral to both the model and outcomes, and resource parents are considered essential members of this team.

In fact , PRIDE is specif ical ly designed to strengthen foster and adoption services by developing and supporting resource parents as fundamental partners in the protection and trauma-informed care of

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Making A Dif ference Mak ing A Dif ference

children and youth in the child welfare system. PRIDE recognizes resource parents as rare and valuable. Without them, children in care would not have the benefits of family l iving. Integral to the program, however, is the belief that to be any kind of parent is a privilege, not a right. Not everyone can be a resource parent. PRIDE assists in recruiting parents most appropriate for the task and equips them with the necessary tools and support to be successful. It assists to assure that resource parents are not only able but also will ing to meet the needs of traumatized children and their families to the fullest possible extent.

To do so, the model identif ies f ive essential competency categories that resource parents need to understand and meet. Developed from a comprehensive and national analysis of resource parent roles, the competencies include: protecting and nurturing children; meeting the developmental needs of children, including health, intellectual growth, appropriate discipline, cultural and sexual identity, social skil ls, academic progress, and improving the effects of trauma and other developmental challenges or delays; supporting relationships between children and their families (because regardless of the amount of contact they may have, they have feelings about them, and best

practices call for the promotion of healing between children and their families); permanency and connecting children to safe, nurturing relationships meant to last a lifetime (because children need continuity, commitment, and the legal and social status that comes with having a family); and working as a member of a professional team.

The competencies fol low a progression of learning beginning at the pre- and post-service levels. Learning continues in the advanced and specialized training level, which builds upon core competencies in targeted areas, such as in working with teens or caring for children who have experienced domestic violence. According to the model, placement disruptions are likely to occur if resource parents do not have the will ingness, ability, or resources to fulf il l one or more of the primary competencies. Disruptions can thus be prevented if def icits in competencies are identif ied and addressed in the family assessment (home study).

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Making A Dif ference

The model also emphasizes several non-negotiable clinical components resource parents must internalize, such as understanding the dynamics of attachment and loss and how it applies not just to children and their families but to themselves as well, understanding the implications of parenting children with traumatic stress and providing trauma-informed care, and helping children to understand their family with "no shame, no blame."

Overal l , the goals of the model are to meet the protective, developmental, cultural, and permanency needs of children placed with resource families; strengthen families, albeit birth, foster, or adoptive; and strengthen the quality of foster and adoption services. Extraordinary Families shares these goals

and is excited to implement this model of practice in efforts to improve the lives of children and families impacted by the child welfare system. While being a parent of any kind is a privilege, not a right, children have a right to protection and the opportunity to develop to their fullest potential. We believe a commitment to this model by staff and resource parents alike will help fulf il l this right.

If you are interested in becoming a resource parent and live in Los Angeles County, attend one of our orientations. For upcoming dates and times, contact us at info@extraordinaryfamilies.org. You can also visit our website at www.extraordinaryfamilies.org for more information.

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of beat - the radio, a toy, when the cell phone rang - it was pretty adorable."

Throughout the course of the case, however, they experienced "a lot more ups and downs" than their f irst placement. Stacie explained they experienced some challenges working with the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS): over the course of the case they were assigned three dif ferent county workers, who often failed to return calls, answer questions or provide accurate information. Further, they received varying messages about if and when reunif ication would occur, which was an "emotional roller coaster" for them. Adding to this, they struggled with feelings of not wanting the mother to fail and have another family torn apart, but also wanting the child to stay with them and be a part of their family.

Stacie shared they mainly worked with the birth mother, and their relationship was "complex." At the start, it was "very cordial: (the mother) was thankful (they) were taking care of her son, and (they) were always conscious of making sure (they) kept her up to date on milestones, new foods he liked, etc.," along with sharing occasional pictures and videos of him.  It was dif f icult at t imes because the mother would lie or manipulate situations. But, Stacie explained, she would remember that (the mother) "was an addict and was acting the way an addict acts - she wasn't just lying or manipulating to be cruel or hurtful." The transition from supervised to unsupervised to overnight visits was also challenging, as the mother continued to struggle with her addiction. This made it dif f icult for Philip and Stacie to feel completely supportive of reunif ication. Stacie shared, "if we thought she had been on track and was getting it together we would have been all for reunif ication." Ultimately, reunif ication occurred

Our Ext raordinary Famil ies "Fost er ing is inc r edib ly har d, bu t t he m ost w or t hw h ile t h ing you can ever do -

t hese k ids ar e so am azing and t her e ar e so m any of t hem needing a hom e. It is

honest ly t he best t h ing w e have ever done and w ou ld do it again in a hear t beat ."

From the t ime they were kids, Stacie and Philip

D'Amour had always wanted to build a family through adoption. Stacie joked, "lucky we found each other." Although their search into the process began with international adoptions, fostering to adopt ult imately proved to be the best route for them. Upon attending orientation with Extraordinary Families, Stacie shared, "it was a no brainer: everyone was just so honest and open and helpful...we knew they were the people to guide us through the process." Although their hope was to ult imately adopt, they ended up fostering two children, both of whom reunif ied with family, before their f inal placement and ultimate adoption.

Their f irst child came to them at two days old and remained in their care for only one month before reunifying with her father. Stacie shared that "while it was hard and painful, it def initely seemed like (the father) really had put in a lot of effort to get (his daughter) placed with him," and that "this was going to be the best thing for her."

Not more than 24 hours later, they received a call about another child - a boy who was just twelve days old - in need of care. Stacie shared, "while we were stil l sad over the loss of the litt le girl, we thought it wasn't really about us and this baby needed a home and our job was to provide one, so we said yes." He remained in their care for 18 months, and they loved and cared for him as their son. Stacie shared, "he was awesome! He was very happy and super adventurous, a litt le daredevil. He really loved people and was big on giving hugs, sometimes too much: he would get a litt le over zealous and knock kids over with the force of his hugs. He and our dog Winston really got along - they would love to give each other kisses and he loved to take Winston on walks....And he LOVED music! He would dance any time there was any kind

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and Stacie and Philip visited with their "son" for the next six months to ease his transition.

Although it was "very dif f icult...emotionally draining and challenging," Stacie shared that she and her husband "would absolutely 100% do everything again, even knowing it would end in reunif ication." She explained "he needed somewhere to go for the time we had him, and we cannot imagine where he would have gone or who would have taken care of him if it wasn't us. We know what kind of start and care we provided for him," and "the reward we got by getting to spend those years with him raising him was so great, we wouldn't trade it for anything. "

Af ter taking about a year of f f rom fostering for self-care, Stacie and Philip received a call about another newborn girl in need of care. They began visit ing her in the hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at 10 days old. Just recently they f inalized their adoption this past April. Stacie shared, "as harrowing and crazy as our second experience was, this was pretty much the opposite." She explained there was no ambiguity about reunif ication, the case went "smoothly in court," and everyone at DCFS was very helpful.

For prospect ive resource parents, Stacie offered the following advice: "Try to remember you are all working together in the best interest of the child." Sometimes that means reunif ication with family, sometimes adoption. Either way, while the child is in your care, "try to be open." When working with birth families, share with them new things their child is doing or discovering. Further, "try to see things from (their) point of view. Having your child removed from you is an incredibly hard and dif f icult thing, even if it is a result of choices you made." Try to understand what led to those choices, perhaps a history of addiction or a cycle of abuse. While this doesn't excuse child maltreatment, "it can help to give a litt le perspective, give you some understanding what the birth family is working through to achieve reunif ication. It can also help you understand what

Our Ext raordinary Famil ies

your child has experienced." Stacie shared that her experience visit ing their second child after reunif ication helped her empathize with the parents and understand how "heartbreaking" and "rough it is only being able to see your child for a set amount of t ime each week."

Being a resource parent may be one of the most challenging endeavors. To provide the best care for children, self-care is of utmost importance and cannot be stressed enough. For prospective resource parents, Stacie offered the following advice: Exercise. Meditate. Sit and read. Cook. "Make sure to allow time and space to nurture what makes you happy." She added, "communication is also very important, whether it is with your partner or support system. Letting them know how you feel and how you are processing the stress of child rearing, the drama of the foster care system, or the trauma of the loss in the case of reunif ication, talking things out and keeping that l ine of communication open and letting others know what your needs are, how they can be met and where you are in your will ingness to meet others' needs is key to getting through this."

Stacie and Philip D'amour

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155 N. Occidental Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90026

info@extraordinaryfamilies.orgwww.extraordinaryfamilies.org

(213) 365-2900

The mission of ExtraordinaryFamilies is to transform the daily lives of

children and families in child welfare with innovative

strategies and visionary policy reforms.

Thank you for supporting ExtraordinaryFamilies. Your

contribution w ill help a child or youth in foster care f ind a home,

secure a f irst job, or achieve educational goals.

BOARD OF DIRECTORSChair Juliet Musso Flournoy Professor of State Government, USC Sol Price School of Public Policy

Secretary Joseph M. Costa Chief Executive Officer, Hillsides

Treasurer Sean Reese Child Advocate & Adoptive Parent

Sarah Boone, MSW Chief Executive Officer

Brooke Kaufman Halsband Associate, Hilton & Hyland

Lisa Kring, LCSW Instructor, Insight LA

Jocelyn Tetel Vice President of Advancement, Skirball Cultural Center

Rosanne Ziering Entrepreneur, Activist, and Philanthropist

TrusteeAmy Elaine Wakeland