starting the money conversation with …...starting the money conversation with family sonya lutter,...
TRANSCRIPT
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S TART ING T HE MO NEY
CO NV ERS AT ION W IT H FAM ILY
S O N YA L U T T E R , P H . D. , C F P ®
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Money tops the stress list
Conflict
Dissatisfaction
Divorce
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Among Couples
#1 topic of conflict
Only 50% talk about money before marriage
(12% NEVER talk about it)
What happens early,
predicts later satisfaction
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A Multidimensional
Relationship…
WITH MONEY
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PRACTICAL: The rational
or logical side of money.
What we have, how much
we have, our savings,
debts accounts.
BEHAVIORAL: Our habits
and actions. If and how we
USE a budget, how we
communicate, how we use
our accounts, how we we
spend, save, and give.
EMOTIONAL: Feelings and
mental reactions to money.
We ‘feel’ money more than
we ‘think’ money!
CULTURAL: Our families,
racial and ethnic, regional,
and socio-economic
communities and
circumstances shape our
lives, beliefs, and values we
hold today.
SPIRITUAL: How we relate to money is a
reflection of our most deeply-held beliefs
and values. It is about meaning and
purpose and our connection to others.
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BOTTOM LINE
• Immediately post-curriculum
– Reduced stress finances put on their relationship
– Increased happiness with finances, communication, and household responsibilities
• Three months later…
– Still lower stress!
– Perceptions of happiness returned to a similar level as pre-curriculum
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70
Calm, cool, and collected
Serene
Concentration is wavering.
Inhale as you count to 5.Exhale as you count back from 5.Your brain needs a break.
80
90
REDUCE STRESS!Whether accurate representations or not,
perceptions are highly predictive of financial conflict.
• Step 1: Encourage low-stress communication
– Look for tension
– Take a break
– Walk around
• Step 2: Involve the wife!
– “Breadwinners” (O’Connor & Ettinger 2015)
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T H I S I S A B O U T M O R E T H A N M O N E Y
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1 . S E T A T I M E A P L A C E2 . D E F I N E T H E P R O B L E M3 . I D E N T I F Y H O W E A C H C O N T R I B U T E4 . D E F I N E W H A T ’ S W O R K E D5 . B R A I N S T O R M N E W S O L U T I O N S6 . E V A L U A T E A L L I D E A S7 . A G R E E O N O N E S O L U T I O N T O T R Y8 . D E S C R I B E H O W E A C H W I L L C O N T R I B U T E9 . S E T A N O T H E R M E E T I N G T O D I S C U S S P R O G R E S S1 0 . R E W A R D P R O G R E S S
S TA RT I N G D I F F I C U LT C O N V E R S AT I O N S
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Know what’s
contributing to stress
and conflict
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Having a SPENDY WIFE is most
predictive of conflict for husbands
and wives.
Conflict rises when men are seen
as spendy, too.
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Husband’s perception
of conflict increases
with more children.
Wife’s perception of conflict
decreases with feelings of
good communication.
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When women make
more than men,
conflict increases.
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Those raised in homes
with less arguing and
more warmth usually
have better financial
habits.
.
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Joint accounts Happier relationships
Joint or Separate Accounts?
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DO YOU ASK ABOUT RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
Repeat cohabiters might be less focused on the long-term
and more on non-financial assets (i.e., material
possessions)
Non-cohabiters or first-time cohabiters could be focused
on their long-term future together
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ACTIVITY
your earliest memory of money
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DOES
FACILITATOR
MATTER?
• Therapist’s couples
– Most likely to report increases in
their happiness related to
communication
– Experienced the most significant
drop in relational stress caused by
finances
• Financial planner’s couples
– More likely to experience increases
in happiness related to finances
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“ He was awesome! We definitely want to use him in the
future with our financial planning. ”
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“ I appreciated the activities where you would fill out
various questions for myself AND what I thought my
husband would say….allowed me to see where I was
misreading my husband….appreciated having
someone there to facilitate….we answered questions
in a more robust way than had it just been the two of
us.
”
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A fellow financial planner who participated in the curriculum stated,
I found a lot of value in the program and my
partner and I communicate about money so
much better now.
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TAKE-AWAYS
1. Money is stressful for individuals and the impact is
compounded for couples
2. Non-married clients need a little prodding
3. Empirically-informed programming is available and
effective
4. Multidimensional approach to money could be used to
attract new clients
Probably
11%
Probably not
56%
Definitely
not
33%
Would you have gotten as much out of the workbook
without a facilitator?