Running head: STORYTELLING 1

Storytelling

Lacey Hastings

Stenberg College

STORYTELLING 2

Storytelling

Storytelling is used to relay experiences, “Stories help us learn, inspire us to think in

new ways, and enhance our understanding of ourselves and our world” (The Nursing Channel,

2013). When we share our stories with others, it gives us a chance to reflect, learn and grow from

our experiences. “ Stories bring meaning into our lives, convey values and emotions, aid in

reaffirming and validating our lives and experiences, and have the ability to connect us with our

inner selves, with others and with society” (Atkinson, 2002; as cited in East et.al, 2010). When

we have the opportunity to tell our stories, we have the opportunity to look further into our past

experience, share this with others, connect with them, and reconnect with our selves at the time

of the experience. I will tell a story, of a time in my life where I was part of a helping/healing

relationship, I will express the thoughts and feelings I had, the actions I took and take you on this

learning journey with me, while I reflect and reconnect with my own past experience.

Story

I started to work at the Centre of Hope, a wet homeless (day) shelter downtown Fort

McMurray, shortly after a tragedy occurred. The shelter was a ‘home’ for many homeless people

in Fort McMurray, and became a home for (let’s call them David and Lucy), who were drug

users and upon losing their jobs ended up on the streets. They were regular clients of the shelter

for going on three years, while throughout that time remained a ‘couple’, it was rare to see that

kind of relationship in that atmosphere, so I was told, and they were referred to as the shelters

“little married couple”. They looked out for one another, which is big when living on the streets,

and although their relationship may not have been what some people would call “healthy” they

STORY TELLING 3

loved each other. David and Lucy would sleep in the dumpster outside the shelter, as the ‘dry’

shelters for the evening didn’t allow for people to be under the influence when accessing their

services. Sleeping in the dumpster became the warmest, safest place for them, and that’s where

they would call home for the evenings. One morning David woke up and decided to go get him

and Lucy a coffee from the McDonalds down the street from the shelter, and Lucy remained

sleeping. While David was gone, the garbage truck came for his weekly pickup, to take the

garbage, what he didn’t know, was that Lucy was inside. David returned, and when Lucy wasn’t

around he began to panic, when the ladies came to open the shelter in the morning, he got them

to check the security footage. Just as they all had dread, Lucy did not get out before the truck

unloaded the dumpster, and was dumped with it.

I started shortly after, and the staff was quick to tell me this horrifying story, as it had

impacted all the staff and clients, as Lucy was considered family. The investigation had not been

closed, as there was no body found, however with the footage of the dumpster they could

determine she was dumped into the truck and taken to the landfill where they never found her

remains, they ended the search for Lucy. Without the body their wasn’t a formal funeral,

however the staff put one together for the clients of the Center of Hope, I had the honor of being

there, and it was very emotional. I noticed in the photos that David was still one of the clients,

and was absolutely devastated, he left shortly after the service began. The other staff mentioned

to me he had not spoken to anyone about the incident and that in fact he hadn’t spoken much at

all, he was using more and not coming around as often, and they were all worried for him. I felt

awful thinking about how he must be feeling, and that there wasn’t anything we could do for

him. Within a couple months he started to come in more often, and because I worked as an intake

worker, I worked frontline with the clients, so I began to get familiar with him. David was a very

STORY TELLING 4

sarcastic guy, he would use his humor to get out of awkward situations, out of arguments, or to

start arguments, and I noticed that this seemed to be his ‘go to’. I didn’t treat him any differently

than the other clients, and felt I didn’t deserve to try and help or speak to him about Lucy, as I

didn’t know her, and wasn’t there when it happened. The other staff would always be fussing

over him, and asking him questions, (worried of course) but I noticed that this made him much

more uncomfortable. I just began to chat with him, little bits here and there, I hadn’t had any

kind of training and wasn’t trying to ‘counsel’ him, I just figured I would try to be friends, on a

professional level. I used a little of his sarcasm and tossed a couple jokes and ‘insults’ his way,

he began to warm up, and get familiar with me, so I started talking with him a little more here

and there. Over the next couple months David would come and talk with me almost every day,

and I would listen. We talked about life, his previous jobs, his family, etc., I didn’t push him to

talk about Lucy and didn’t ask questions, as I was just being there as a friend, and someone to

talk to. While David talked and I listened, I offered my full attention and interest, and I didn’t

judge or question, and this is how the trust developed. One day David brought up Lucy on his

own, he didn’t tell me about what happened, he just talked about her, and their relationship. He

told me how wonderful she was, how they had plans of getting clean together, getting jobs, and

an apartment. David told me he missed her, and that was all. We didn’t talk about it again for a

while, until one day he brought it up again, and started to tell me about that morning, he told me

they had used that night, and he figured she would be out for a while and that he would go get a

coffee and come back. He explained the feeling he had when he lifted the dumpster lid, and how

he knew right away what happened. He began to cry, and I just touched his shoulder and didn’t

say a word, it may have been because I had no idea what to say at the time, but now thinking

back I think it was best to have said nothing. This became a regular thing, and at the time I didn’t

STORY TELLING 5

know what was happening, all I knew was I was listening to him, I let him tell me his story, and

talk about how he felt, I showed him I cared and supported him, and that’s all there was too it, I

didn’t know much about counseling or ‘therapeutic relationships’ I just wanted to be there for

him. The other staff began to confront me about it, and mentioned how he had never spoken

about it, and how great of a job I was doing, how I was really helping him. I wasn’t thinking

about myself though, I wasn’t thinking I was “doing a good job”, as I was just being supportive

and listening to someone who had been through trauma. David would have rough days, and

when he got into an argument with the other clients, they began to blame him for Lucy’s death,

they said he left her there, high, and left her to die, that it was his fault. I had never seen him so

upset, and he was turning violent, the other staff were contemplating calling the police, so I took

him outside. I got him to calm himself down, and he told me the truth about that morning, that

Lucy was high and that he was worried about leaving her, as he thought she might have used too

much, but he was supposed to meet their drug dealer, so he thought he would be really quick and

come back. He talked about the guilt he felt and how everyone blamed him. Again, I was lost,

how do I help him, I didn’t know what to say or do. I just thought of it as ,what would I say to

my friend if this were the case, and I just supported him, told him I understood, but told him it

wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know this would happen, he loved her. Things started to get better

from there, he had his rough days, and even rougher, but he was talking and working through it,

which was good for him. Some days he would be sure that she had gotten out of the dumpster

that morning, and that he saw her walking down the street, this was heartbreaking, as he didn’t

see her, she was gone. I listened and just brought the reality of the facts back into the

conversation, he would clue in himself that it wasn’t Lucy, that she was gone, but he missed her,

and thought about her every day. When things started to get better, David talked about the plans

STORY TELLING 6

him and Lucy once had, and I asked him why he couldn’t still do them? Why he couldn’t do it

for himself? I let that sit over a few days, and even though nothing came of it at the time, he

started to think about it and think about the future. I learned a lot about myself while just being

David’s ‘friend’, and felt like I helped him, by just listening and offering support. When it came

time for me to move back to Vancouver Island, I went to say goodbye, as David was in Detox, he

gave me something he made in his first attempt at treatment, it was a coaster, and he thanked me

for “being there” and for “caring”. He told me he would be clean and sober one day, and that he

would make sure I knew. Turns out about two months ago I received a message from a lady at

the Center of Hope, relaying a message from David, he has been clean and sober for eight

months, he’s doing well, and that he wanted me to know, and to say thanks again.

Analysis

At the time, I wasn’t sure what I was doing or what I should be doing, all I knew was that

somebody trusted me and needed me to listen. I was sure there was more I should have done, or

could be doing, or there was someone much more qualified than me to be helping in such an

intense situation. However looking back now, I know that what I did was ‘care’, I provided trust

and support, showed empathy and simply listened, and this is what he needed. I was being

‘human’ and caring for him, I was myself; there was no hidden agenda, no expectations, no

diagnosing, observations or explanations, just another human there for support. Watson offers

the idea that human caring is based on human values such as “kindness, concern, and love of self

and others” (as cited in Rafael, 2000, p.37). Human caring is about being with the other person

fully, experiencing together, joining together in a relationship focused on healing. I believe I was

selflessly there for David, through his journey of healing, we went through his experiences,

STORY TELLING 7

thoughts and feelings together, and we developed a trusting- healing relationship. Establishing a

helping-trusting human care relationship is pivotal in Watson’s Caring theory, and the Human

Care process (Rafael, 2000). When I look back at what started the relationship, or ‘friendship’, I

believe that it was trust and comfort. David got familiar with me; he began to see who I was, and

what my intentions were. When I started making conversations with him, and joking around, he

started to feel comfortable, he noticed I wasn’t trying to ‘get anything out of him’, and he could

just talk to me. The more we talked, the more David realized, he could trust me, Burnard (2005)

suggests keeping trust requires “attentiveness to the quality of listening and respect offered to

clients; appropriate ways of communicating that are courteous and clear; respect for privacy and

dignity” (p.244). I believe through showing David I was listening and interested in what he had

to say, communicating with him respectively, showing support, and explaining that what he said

would stay between me and him, the trust developed. Watson suggests that one aspect of human

care requires knowledge of “how to comfort, offer compassion and empathy” (1999, p.74). At

the time while helping David, I wouldn’t have identified the knowledge I had in comforting,

compassion and empathy, however looking back now, I can see this is exactly what I was

displaying, and believe it is a part of my human nature. Compassion is said to be “the capacity to

share another person’s suffering and appreciate their humanity and vulnerability” (Barker, 2009,

p.610). I believe I offered compassion to David, by listening and attending, being present and

available when he needed me, not judging but accepting him, and sharing in his suffering and

experiences, but not taking them away from him. With offering compassion, I believe one needs

to show empathy, and empathy is said to be “The ability to perceive accurately the feelings of

another person and to communicate this understanding to him” (Burnard, 2005, p.103). I

conveyed empathy to David when I showed him I understood how he was feeling and what he

STORY TELLING 8

was going through, I respected, accepted and validated his feelings and thoughts as his own.

When David expressed his guilt and shame for leaving Lucy, I showed empathetic

understanding, I told him I understood these feelings, I didn’t judge him like he thought I would,

I accepted him, and we worked through these feelings of guilt together.

When I look at “relational caring” or “human relating”, it is said to be a “relationship in

which there is a full experiencing of the other” (Buber 1958; as cited in Hartrick, 1997, p.526).

When caring is practiced within a relational narrative it “produces shared meanings for the one

caring and the one cared for” (Gadow, 1989; as cited in MacKay 1997, p.5). Growth, change,

and actualization for both participants results from these relational caring behaviors (MacKay,

1997). I do believe that through David’s journey of healing, we both grew and changed, and we

learned a lot from that experience. David started to heal from the death of a loved one; he started

to forgive himself, and started to look towards the future. Human relating is experiencing with

the other through their struggle, and the process should “Include an ideal of care and

responsiveness to others” (Lyons 1988; as cited in Hartrick, 1997, p.526). Hartrick suggests that

within responsiveness is the power of human contact and connectedness, it is not about problem

solving, it is simply about responding and supporting someone through their healing (1997). I

believe that is what I was doing, I wasn’t asking questions or digging deeper, I was simply

offering support as he expressed his feelings, and responded when I felt like he needed me too.

Some aspects of relational caring support asking questions and clarifying multiple meanings of

experiences (Hartrick, 1997), looking back now I can see how using open-questions (Burnard,

2005) may have been helpful while clarifying how David was feeling, and allow him to explore

further. However I completely agree with Watson when she suggests that the client is the “agent

STORY TELLING 9

of change, and is primarily responsible for allowing healing to occur with or without external co-

participant agents of change” (as cited in Rafael, 2000, p. 36). As David was responsible for his

own healing process, he led the way, I was along for the ride, offering a supportive trusting

environment, but David is responsible for his own growth and change. I do believe I helped him

feel comfortable enough to do so, and gave him the environment he needed, with the warmth and

understanding he deserved, therefore I would say as a team, through a caring relationship, we

evoked the healing he needed.

As Part of Watson’s Caring theory, she suggests that “Human care also requires enabling

actions; actions that are related to general and specific knowledge of caring and human

responses” (1999, p.74). Even though I would say our relationship was mostly, on my behalf,

listening and attending, there were actions taken that I feel are worthy of discussing. When

David first spoke to me about the morning of Lucy’s accident, he was very emotional, when he

began to cry I felt the need to show him it was okay to feel this way, and show him I cared, so I

gently touched his shoulder. At the time I wasn’t sure if this was okay or even helpful, but I can

see that I was providing ‘warmth’ and acceptance. Warmth reflects caring and respect, and by

that one non-verbal gesture, I believe he felt that. When David was having that rough day, and

had gotten into an argument with the other clients who began blaming him for Lucy’s death,

David was very upset, and he started to get violent. The other staff were going to call the police,

and I knew David didn’t want, or need that, so I removed him. As it turned out that is what he

needed, and this restored his dignity, David was upset, and angry, what the other clients said

really hit him hard, and I could see that. We went outside and I showed David I was there for

support, and told him he could talk about his anger, this is when he started to talk about the guilt

he felt for leaving Lucy there, for going to get drugs, about the blame he put on himself for what

STORY TELLING 10

happened. I believe this realization, and this conversation with David started the real healing, and

him beginning to forgive himself. When things seemed to be getting better for David, and he

started reminiscing about the good times they had, and their plans, goals and dreams, I took a

leap and asked David why he couldn’t still live out some of those dreams, for himself. We talked

about him getting clean and sober, and getting that apartment they talked about. It was risky at

the time, as I didn’t want to give him advice or try to tell him how to live his life, I just didn’t

want him to give up on his goals, and I realize now that’s what they were ‘his goals’ and I was

just resurfacing them. David had told me down the road, that conversation we had, helped him,

helped him see the future, and helped him take a step in that direction, for himself and for Lucy.

Conclusion

As I tell this story, I learn more now, then I did while being in that experience. Reflecting

on it, remembering more and more, I am identifying what it is that took place, and can validate

my actions. I gain further insight into what it is I did learn from that experience, why it impacted

me so much, and why I was able to be a part of that trusting/healing relationship. It is important

to tell stories, as it helps us make sense of and increase our understanding of our experiences

(East et.al, 2010). Telling my story was helpful to me for growing and learning, but the most

important was David being able to tell his story. David needed to share his experience in order to

heal, and accept it, according to East et. al, (2010), “Healing after painful experiences can begin

when our voices are listened to and heard”. We made his hidden experience visible, while

working through his hardship. Through telling his story I believe David had the chance to

understand and make sense of his feelings, to accept what had happened, and to start to grow and

STORY TELLING 11

move on with his life. Through David telling his story, I learned a lot about myself, as a person I

grew and learned how to use my ‘human nature’ of caring, compassion and empathy to develop a

helping/healing relationship. Through then reflecting and telling my own story, I learned that by

just being supportive, really listening to people, and truly caring, I can develop a trusting

environment, the environment somebody may need to embark on their journey of healing and

recovery. I learned that by being myself, and being warm and genuine, I can allow people to feel

comfortable and supported. Storytelling in this scenario has helped two people understand their

feelings and emotions, understand their actions, learn and grow from their experiences. Story

telling is crucial part of a healing relationship, and is essential in learning and reflecting.

STORY TELLING 12

References

Barker, P. (Eds.). (2009). Ethics and nursing. Psychiatric and mental health nursing: The craft of

caring. (2nd ed.,pp.607-617). London, UK: Hodder Arnold

Burnard, P. (2005). Basic principles and considerations. Counseling skills for health

professionals. (4th ed.,pp.101-118). Cheltenham, UK: Nelson Thornes Ltd.

East, L., Jackson, D., O’Brien, L., Peters, K. (2010). Storytelling: an approach that can help to

develop resilience. Nurse Researcher. Retrieved from:

http://www.uws.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0019/132715/Storytelling.pdf

Hartrick, G. (1997). Relational capacity: the foundation for interpersonal nursing practice.

Journal Of Advanced Nursing, 26(3), 523-528. doi:10.1046/j.1365-2648.1997.t01-12-

00999.x. Retrieved from:

http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=rzh&AN=1997047455&site=ehost-live

MacKay, L.D. (1997). THE NATURE OF CARING IN NURSE-TO-NURSE

STORY TELLING 13

RELATIONSHIPS. National Library of Canada. Retrieved from: http://www.nlc-

bnc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk2/ftp04/mq21263.pdf

Rafael, A. (2000). Watson's philosophy, science, and theory of human caring as a conceptual

framework for guiding community health nursing practice. Advances In Nursing Science,

23(2), 34-49. Retrieved from: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=rzh&AN=2001005621&site=ehost-live

The Nursing Channel. (2013).The University Health Network (UHN). Retrieved from:

http://www.nursingchannel.ca/about_us.html

Watson, J. (1999). Nursing: Human science and human care: A theory of nursing. Available

from:

http://books.google.ca/books?id=J1yWpFKQd3oC&pg=PA74&lpg=PA74&dq=dr.

+jean+watson+and+interventions+related+to+the+human+care+process&source=bl&ots

=h5TH5JESFw&sig=_te0VPJv-bd1eCRtT9P-

33aZkP8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=u8X4UN2_CaHgiwL7vIGQBA&ved=0CCwQ6AEwAA