Stress Management for Women Key Terms

Term Definition Introduced in:

Acute stressA short-term stress caused by recent or recently passed events, not inherently negative Module 2

Aggressive communication

A communication style that expresses opinions and feelings in a way that violates the rights of others Module 5

Chronic stressStress caused by relentless pressure that lasts for a seemingly interminable amount of time; also caused when an individual sees no way out of a dismal situation Module 2

Depression

Condition usually felt over an extended period of time with constant feelings of unhappiness and hopelessness; interferes negatively with an individuals ability to function normally on a day-to-day basis Module 4

Flight or fight response Body’s natural metabolic reaction to a perceived threat, challenge, or scare Module 2

NeurosesThe mild inability to keep in touch with reality; characterized by obsessional thought, anxiety, or as phobias Module 2

Panic attack Sudden onset of immobility caused by acute anxiety or fear Module 2Relaxation techniques Any activity that helps an individual relax Module 2

StressA condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that his/her demands (e.g. work, personal, external, internal) exceed that person’s ability to cope Module 1

Stressor Anything that brings on the onset of stress Module 2Sympathetic nervous system

As part of the human nervous system that acts to speed up the heart and contract blood vessels; enables the flight or fight response Module 1

Time management Use of tools and skills to manage time in order to complete a task, project, or goal Module 2

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STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN MODULE ONE – UNDERSTANDING STRESS Female: Module One – Understanding Stress. So what is stress? Stress is a

condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands exceed the

person’s ability to cope. Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you

feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. Stress is your body’s way of

protecting you by concentrating its resources on giving you the ability to respond to the

physical or emotional threats that you experience. When it’s working properly, stress

helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save

your life, giving you the extra strength to defend yourself or the extra focus to respond to

an emergency. Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand. It can

be caused by good or bad experiences. When people feel stressed by something going

on around them, their bodies react by releasing chemicals into the blood. These

chemicals give people more energy and strength, which can be a good thing if their

stress is caused by physical danger. If you’re camping in the woods and you suddenly

see a bear a few yards away from your camp, you want your body to mobilize all of its

resources so that you can either run away from the bear or fight the bear. That’s what’s

called our body’s flight or fight response. It’s the activation of our body’s sympathetic

nervous system in reaction to an alarm or to a stressor. Here’s what happens when our

fight or flight response is activated. Our heart rate goes up. Our blood pressure goes

up. And that’s to give us the energy that we need to protect ourselves in this situation.

Our breathing rate can also go up. Muscles tighten, senses become sharper, our

tolerance for pain increases, and reaction times speed up. Our bodies are

concentrating on the immediate alarm. But our body will slow down or shut down those

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functions that are not really important to protecting ourselves in the immediate situation.

Our digestion stops. Immune functioning decreases because our bodies are

concentrating on supporting the functions that are needed to respond to the immediate

threat or alarm. So those are some things that happen to our bodies during stress. The

body’s emergency response to stress can be a good thing. But it can also be a bad

thing if the stress is in response to something emotional and there’s no outlet for this

energy and strength. Beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts

causing major damage to your health, your mood, your productivity, your relationships,

and your quality of life. How does gender affect stress? Is stress the same for women

as it is for men? The physical responses of stress is similar for everyone. But some

researchers believe that there are distinct differences in the way women and men

experience and respond to stress. And researchers have found that women are more

likely than men to experience ongoing stress and to feel that their lives are out of

control. Many women have expectations placed on them or placed on themselves that

are difficult, if not impossible, to achieve. Many women are juggling conflicting roles as

a worker, a volunteer, a wife and a lover, a mother, friend, and homemaker. And they

want to be perfect at all of those roles. I started my own career after all of my children

had started school. Before I started working, I took care of all of the housekeeping and

my children’s rooms were kept up to my standards. Well, after I started working, at first

I tried to keep up the same standards. And as my kids were getting older and as they

were getting messier, I about ran myself into the ground trying to do everything. Then I

made a conscious decision. I thought years from now, do I want to look back with my

husband on when the kids were little and remember, “Boy, those kids sure had clean

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rooms?” Or did I want to look back and remember, “Boy, didn’t we have fun with those

kids?” So I lowered my standards. I kept my standards in some areas, but as far as the

kids’ rooms, I just shut the doors and quit worrying about it. And I’ve never regretted it.

So women want to be perfect workers, perfect mothers, and perfect housekeepers. And

they are setting impossible goals. They’re up against insensitive employers, lack of

adequate childcare resources, deadlines, overload, and often non-supportive spouses.

Many duty-oriented and responsible women who truly desire to do what’s right feel

powerless to do anything about these standards. She may feel guilty, overwhelmed,

and inadequate. She carried a giant load in life and sometimes doesn’t know how to

lighten that load. Does any of that sound familiar? Men and women have different

reactions to stress, both physically and mentally. They also attempt to manage stress in

very different ways and perceive their ability to do so in different ways. Women report

that they feel the effects of stress on their physical health more than men. Research

has often found that women are more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as

comfort eating or lack of exercise to try to help deal with their stress. Men are more

prone to developing alcohol and substance dependence as well as developing

antisocial behavior, where women are more likely to develop depression, irritable bowel

syndrome, and chronic fatigue, migraine headaches and fibromyalgia. Suicide rates are

considerably higher among men. Although women are more likely to attempt suicide,

men succeed more often, probably because they tend to use more violent means.

Women are more susceptible to other stress related mental health disorders. Higher

rates are especially pronounced for anxiety disorders, phobias, social phobia, and panic

disorder. Men are less likely to seek help for mental health disorders. Marriage has

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more health advantages for men than it does for women. Married men are less likely to

develop health problems like depression in response to negative life events, such as

workplace stress. Women, though, are more likely to find it difficult to cope with the

strain of having multiple roles and responsibilities. Men are more likely to maintain the

traditional role of the bread winner while women maintain the roles of homemakers,

caring for children and older relatives in addition to their role in the workforce. Possibly

as a result of striving to keep up with men in the workforce, women have now surpassed

men in the risk of dying from heart disease, which is known to be greatly exacerbated

by stress. Let’s look at some of the symptoms of stress. First, the mental symptoms.

Stress can cause memory problems and an inability to concentrate. It can cause

sudden panic attacks, racing thoughts, or constant worrying. You might have difficulty

in making decisions or use poor judgment in making those decisions. I’ve experienced

all of these symptoms during periods of stress in my own life. I’ve been a manager in

an information technology organization for many years. I’m used to being the decision

maker. People come to me pretty much in a constant stream with management and

technical questions. Here’s the situation. Should I do this or should I do this? And I’m

the one who makes the decision and takes the responsibility for that decision. But

during times of great stress, I’ve found that making the same types of decisions that I

make every other day of my working life become much more difficult, if not impossible.

Stress can also have physical symptoms, such as aches and pains, digestive problems,

and nausea. It can cause chest pain, a rapid heartbeat, frequent colds. It can cause

tremors, weakness and lack of strength. There are emotional symptoms, such as loss

of confidence, self esteem, or stress can cause apathy, frequent crying, or obsessive

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compulsive behavior. There are also behavioral symptoms that could result in a lack of

sex drive, eating too little or eating too much, insomnia, dependence on drugs or

alcohol, anger, or aggression. As you can see, these symptoms are many and varied.

No one will have all of these symptoms. And any one symptom by itself may not be a

reason to be concerned. But you should be aware of these symptoms and notice that a

few, or someone around you is experiencing a change in health or behavior, it may be

symptoms of stress. If you do feel that you’re experiencing symptoms of stress, the

next step is to identify the source of that stress so that you can begin to manage it.

[End of recording.]

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STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN MODULE TWO – IDENTIFY THE SOURCES OF STRESS Female: Module Two – Identify the Sources of Stress. For a person to feel stress,

they must first feel threatened by a situation and second, doubt their capabilities and

resources are enough to meet the threat. Sometimes it’s not hard to identify the

sources of stress. If the kids are screaming, the bills are due, and the pile of papers on

your desk is steadily growing, you can be pretty sure that at least some of those things

are causing some stress. Life is full of stress. But understanding the types and sources

of stress – big and small, short term or long term, avoidable or unavoidable, internal or

external – is an important part of managing that stress. As we talked about in the first

module, stress is your body’s reaction to the demands of the world. Stressors are

events or conditions in your surroundings that might trigger stress. Your body will

respond to stress differently depending on whether the stress is new, it’s acute stress,

or whether the stressor has been around for a longer time, which would be chronic

stress. Acute stress triggers your body fight or flight response. It’s your body’s reaction

to a significant threat, challenge, or scare. The acute stress response is immediate and

intense and in some circumstances, it can be thrilling. Examples of acute stressors can

include a job interview, being pulled over by the police for a traffic violation, or riding a

zip line down a steep hillside. A single episode of acute stress generally doesn’t cause

people problems with their health. However, severe acute stress can cause mental

health problems such as post-traumatic stress disorder, and even physical difficulties

such as heart attack. Some degree of acute stress can be beneficial. It can spur you

into action, inspire and motivate and energize you. I remember one occasion where my

director and I were called in to an unannounced audit of our Disaster Continuation of

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Operations Plan. It wasn’t as though we didn’t have a plan. We did have a very fine

plan. But it filled several binders and neither one of us had it memorized. And we were

definitely not prepared to recite the entire plan from end to end with no notice. But for

the purposes of that audit, the auditors told us, “Here’s the scenario. Our building has

just been hit by a devastating tornado. Our mainframe computers have been destroyed.

How are you, the Information and Technology Group, going to recover from this disaster

and continue the operations of this organization?” Well, my director was a master at

extemporaneous speaking. So he started out describing our plan. But every time he’d

get stuck, he’d just say, “Mrs. Cromley can fill you in on that.” And I had to jump in and

continue with the briefing. We kept going back and forth until the auditor said, “Okay,

thank you. That will be all.” We were both so energized from our performance that

even though we passed the audit with flying colors, we both felt a little bit let down when

it was over, and disappointed that we couldn’t just keep going. So some acute stress

can be beneficial. But the problem happens when acute stressors pile up and stay

around. Persistent stress can lead to the health problems that we talked about in

module one. The chronic stress response is much more subtle than the acute stress

response. But the effects are longer and even more problematic. To effectively

manage stress, you need to identify and manage both acute and chronic stressors.

Effective stress management starts with identifying your sources of stress. One way of

doing this is to make a list of the situations, concerns, or challenges that trigger your

stress response. Here’s an exercise for you to do right now. I’ve given you some space

in your handout to write down the top few issues that you’re facing right now. Now I’m

going to give you a few suggestions to get you started. But I want you to think about

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things that are affecting you right now in your own life, and not just write down what I

suggest. First, let’s think about your job. Uncertainties in the workplace can be a cause

of stress. Are you dealing with new technologies or innovations that could make your

current skills less valuable? Is your organization on sound financial ground, or are you

in danger of a buy-out or reorganization? Have you recently started a new job? Have

you recently retired? Are there political uncertainties - new people coming in to people

of power in your workplace? Do you feel pressure to avoid errors or to complete tasks

in too little time? Do you have a demanding boss or unpleasant coworkers? Are you

uncertain of your role or where your boundaries lay? Are the expectations for your role

less than clear? Is the organizational leadership style causing fear, tension or anxiety?

How do you get along with your boss? Do you have respect for your boss’s abilities and

management style? Have you been the object of criticism, harassment, or ridicule?

Have you had a performance appraisal that was lower than you expected? Do you

have the amount of decision making authority that you feel that you need to do your

job? Do you feel as though that you’re being treated unfairly in comparison to another

employee? Do you feel that the rules and regulations that you need to follow on your

job serve a purpose and are reasonable? Is the amount of work that you’re expected to

do appropriate? Do you have all the information that you need to do your job? And

does your job carry a physical risk to your safety? Think about those for a minute – the

on-the-job potential stressors. But there’s more than just job stress. Let’s look at your

personal life. How is your financial standing? Are you overextended? Are your credit

cards maxed out? Have you had a recent injury or illness that’s affected your health or

mobility? Are you in pain? Have you been the victim of a crime in recent months?

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How’s your self image? In general, are you satisfied with the way you look? Do you

have a gambling problem? How’s your relationship with your children? Have you

experienced the death of a family member or close friend in the past year? Have you

gained a new family member through birth, adoption, or a family member moving in with

you? Have you changed residence? Have you taken on a major loan for a home or a

car? Have your children moved away from home and left you an empty nest? Have

you gotten married? Have you gotten divorced? How is your primary relationship?

Would you say it’s troubled? Are you pregnant? Okay, that’s all of my suggestions. Do

you have your top ten stressors? Remember, my suggestions are just that. Your own

top ten stressors should be from your own experience about what is happening to you in

your life right now. And by identifying your stressors, this is the first step in being able

to manage your stress. You’re going to notice that some of the events seem to happen

to you, and some of them seem to originate from within. External stressors are events

or situations that happen to you. Some external stressors are major life changes, and

we listed several examples. But there’s also the environment. Think about how you

react to a barking dog or a too-loud-radio in the next cubicle. There are unpredictable

events – something unexpected like a pay cut, or relatives show up from out of town for

an extended stay. There’s family – occasionally a martial spat, an uncooperative

teenager or a nagging in-law can add to your stress. Then there’s social stressors.

Think about going on a blind date and you’ll understand social stress. Internal stressors

– much of the stress response to internal stressors is self-induced. These feelings and

thoughts just pop up and can cause you stress. It could be fears – a fear of flying or a

fear of heights or a fear of public speaking. If you’re faced with any of those events, that

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can cause you great stress. Then there’s uncertainty. Very few people enjoy not

knowing something. Think of waiting for the results of a medical test. And last, we’ll

talk about beliefs. This might be attitudes or opinions or expectations that you have

coming from within yourself. So recognizing your stressors is the first step to managing

them. By beginning to identify and understand the sources of your stress, you can be in

a position to manage your stress. Remember, you’re going to learn to manage your

stress, but you won’t be able to eliminate it.

[End of recording.]

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STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN MODULE THREE – EVALUATE YOUR REACTIONS TO STRESS Female: Module Three – Evaluate Your Reactions to Stress. Everyone responds

to stress differently. Your responses to the demands of the world determine your stress

level. It’s important to recognize when your stress levels are out of control. The most

dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up and how easily you get used

to it. It starts to feel familiar and becomes the new normal. Often, you don’t notice how

it’s affecting you, even as it begins to take a heavy toll on your well-being. The term

“stress reactions” covers a wide variety of conditions that are marked by a general

distress or mixture of symptoms from mild emotional upset to high distress. A stress

reaction to be concerned about is one that is in response to a fairly serious life event,

and where the reaction doesn’t settle down or show signs of settling down fairly soon

after the stressful event is over. Stress reactions are often referred to as normal

reactions to abnormal events. When symptoms begin to develop, it should be taken as

a strong signal from the body that you’re reaching your limit and capacity, and that a

period of rest or change is necessary. As tough and as resilient as people are, lifestyles

and demands of modern life have generally made daily living pressured, strained, and

fast-paced. So how do you know how much stress is too much? Because of the

widespread damage that stress can cause, it’s important for you to know your own limit.

But how much stress is too much will differ from person to person. Some people can

take life in stride while others will crumble at the slightest obstacle or frustration. Your

ability to tolerate stress depends on many factors, including the quality of your

relationships, your general outlook on life, your emotional intelligence, and genetics.

Some things that influence your stress tolerance levels are your support network. A

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strong network of supportive friends and family members is an enormous buffer against

life stressors. On the other hand, the more lonely and isolated you are, the greater your

vulnerability to stress. Your sense of control – if you have confidence in yourself and

your ability to influence events and persevere through challenges, it’s easier to take

stress in stride. People who are vulnerable to stress tend to feel things that are out of

their control. And your attitude and your outlook - people with positive outlooks are less

vulnerable to stress. They tend to embrace challenges, have a strong sense of humor,

and accept that change is part of life. Then there’s your ability to deal with your

emotions. You’re extremely vulnerable to stress if you don’t know how to calm and

soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, or afraid. The ability to bring your

emotions into balance helps you bounce back from adversity. And then your knowledge

and preparation – the more you know about a stressful situation, including how long it

will last and what to expect, the easier it will be to cope. Let’s look at some unhealthy

reactions to stress. Acting out behavior with temper outbursts as a cry for help rarely

leads to the satisfying help and feeling of relief that people are looking for. Instead, it

often causes greater concern by those close to you, and they begin to lose trust in your

ability to look out for yourself. Or it causes others to be angry with you for acting out

badly and could cause the very opposite reaction to that which you want by others

distancing from you or blaming you. Another important aspect of coping with stressful

and traumatic events is that some people will expect others to come to the rescue

without being asked. This is most often a mistake. Those close to you don’t quite know

what is the right thing to do, and they’ll wait for you to give clues that ask for help or to

give directions on what you want them to do. When this doesn’t occur as you expect it

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to, people become very disappointed and angry. This often leads to acting out behavior

that’s designed to get their attention and cause them to act with sympathy, compassion,

and provide an interest in your difficulties. But it often has the opposite effect. It’s worth

mentioning that some people rely on alcohol, marijuana, or other street drugs and over-

the-counter drugs to cope with stress and pain. These may provide some form of short

term relief, but when used consistently, they tend to become less effective and create

an addiction and can worsen your coping abilities. The responsibility for asking for help

lies with yourself. Good, honest, and clear communication is vital to getting the help

that you want and the relief and support that you may need. Don’t expect others to be

able to read your mind and to know exactly what you need from them. Don’t expect

others to make the first move. It’s up to you to let others know that you’re suffering and

that you need their help and to let them know what kind of help would be best and what

they can do or not do to best help you recover from your difficulties. Are you in control

of your stress? Or is it in control of you? When you’re agitated, do you know how to

quickly calm yourself? Can you easily let go of your anger? Do you have people

around you who can help you calm down and feel better? When you go home at night,

do you walk in the door feeling alert and relaxed? Are you able to recognize potentially

stressful situations? The first steps to take in controlling your stress is to identify what

stressors that you can control. People don’t usually feel that they create their own

stress, but they do. Have you ever parked where you know you can get a ticket? Have

you ever run out of ink while you’re printing a report that’s due in an hour? Try to

identify what you do to yourself by keeping a stress diary. Write down what happened,

how you felt about it, and what you did to cope with it. Eventually you’ll identify things

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that you can change, like keeping coins in the car for the parking meter or having an

extra printer cartridge. It’s also important to realize that you cannot control everything.

You can’t make other people be the way that you want them to be. You can only ask

them to change behavior that you don’t like. If they make the change, that’s wonderful.

If they don’t, you may want to re-evaluate the desirability of that relationship. The next

step is to change your perspective. Changing your perspective is both easy and

difficult. It’s easy because it takes place in your mind so you don’t have to change the

environment. But it’s difficult because it takes place in your mind, which makes it harder

for the change to stick. Examine your assumptions. We all develop assumptions based

on our past experiences and what we’ve been told. However, things change. What we

believed at 15 may not apply at 19 or 29. There are also a lot of unhealthy messages

out there. Challenging them gives you a chance to decide what’s right for you. It’s also

important to focus on what’s actually happening in any given situation. Just because

something seems like a previous experience doesn’t mean it’s going to turn out the

same. A self-fulfilling prophecy is when our assumptions force a situation down its

familiar path. Step back, take a deep breath, observe, and then make a decision about

how to respond. Chronic thought patterns can also get us in trouble. Some people are

negative all the time. Others are perfectionists and are never happy with other people’s

performance. These types of thought patterns set us up to experience far more stress

than we need to experience. The next step is take action. There is seldom only one

way of taking care of a situation, even if it’s a chronic one. It may take time and

experimentation. But you can usually find a new way to cope. Experimenting might

mean learning new skills or applying old ones in a new way. If you’re having a hard

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time coming up with alternatives, try talking with someone who might give you a fresh

perspective. Surround yourself with people who help and not hinder you. Getting

support is an important part of change. This doesn’t mean you have to dump someone,

but it might mean that you don’t spend as much time with that person. For example, it’s

difficult to change being negative if your best friend is the king or queen of negativity.

Recognize that it may take some time to reduce your stress levels. Don’t go on a diet,

quit smoking, start exercising, and give up caffeine all at once. That’s a prescription for

failure. Once you’ve mastered one change, move on to something else. Finally,

recognize that mistakes are going to happen. It’s part of being human. Mistakes are

also part of experimenting. If we already knew how to do things right, we wouldn’t need

to experiment with new techniques. Try viewing mistakes as contra-indicators to your

current solution. Then make changes based on what you learned and try again.

[End of recording.]

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STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN MODULE FOUR – STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES Female: Module Four – Stress Management Techniques. While elimination of

stress is unrealistic, management of stress is an attainable and realistic goal that can be

achieved by a number of strategies. People with strong social support networks report

less stress and fewer negative symptoms of stress than those who lack social support.

Stress management techniques include relaxation techniques, time management skills,

counseling or group therapy, exercise, and maintaining an overall healthy lifestyle.

There are hundreds of different relaxation techniques to help manage stress, including

yoga, guided imagery, biofeedback, tai chi, and progressive muscle relaxation. Stress

management skills do not come naturally. They are skills to be learned and practiced

until you become able to manage your stress. You may not be able to control all of the

stressors that affect your life, but you can control the way that you respond. So let me

give you some of the techniques that I think are pretty beneficial. First, learn how to

relax. You want to picture yourself as being relaxed. Is your mind too talkative to

meditate? Well, try creating a peaceful visualization or what you might call a

dreamscape. To start, simply visualize anything that keeps your thoughts away from

your current tensions. It could be a favorite vacation spot, a fantasy island, that

penthouse in New York City, or something that’s touchable, like the feel of your favorite

silk robe or cozy sweater. The idea is to take your mind off your stress and replace it

with an image that evokes a sense of calm. The more realistic your daydream in terms

of colors, sights, sounds, and even touch and feel, the more relaxation that you’ll be

able to experience. The next technique is take an attitude break. Thirty seconds is

enough time to shift your heart’s rhythm from stressed to relaxed. The way to do that,

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engage your heart and your mind in positive thinking. Start by envisioning anything that

triggers a positive feeling – a vision of your child or your spouse. Whatever it is,

conjuring up that thought will help slow your breathing, relax tense muscles, and put a

smile on your face. I know that for me, it’s thinking about my grandson. I smile every

time I think of him, no matter what is going on around. Me. I can remember one time at

a staff meeting with a senior staff meeting. We were sitting around a big conference

table and I was reporting something that I was not happy about. Someone either wasn’t

doing what they were supposed to do, or they weren’t letting me do what I was

supposed to do. And I was emphatically not happy about it. And then, a manager two

seats down from me just broke into my tirade and says, “Say, Pam. How’s that

grandbaby?” And I just go, “Ah, he’s wonderful.” So creating a positive emotional

attitude can calm and steady your heart rhythm, contributing to feelings of relaxation

and peace. Next, I’ll talk about progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle

relaxation allows you to recognize and relieve tension by contracting and then relaxing

specific muscle groups in a systematic way. Concentrating on the technique also frees

your mind from the problems or situations that have caused your stress. Begin by

getting into a comfortable position and do a few minutes of deep breathing. Next,

tighten a specific muscle group for about five to ten seconds. Then quickly release the

tension and relax the muscles for 15 to 30 seconds. Be aware of the differences in the

two different sensations. You’ll be working on tensing and relaxing these muscle

groups in a specific order. Most people start at the feet and work up while some people

start at the head and work down. You need to do whatever feels more comfortable to

you, but progress up or down the body the same way. Tighten for 15 – 10 to 15

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seconds, and then release the tension and relax for 15 to 30 seconds. Next, we’ll talk

about disarming your fears. Desensitization is one of the most helpful management

techniques for fear. To desensitize, you gradually expose yourself toward the object or

situation that seems to fear for you. The gradual repetition of the fear can desensitize

you and can help you greatly in overcoming the problem to a great extent. Control your

mind and be peaceful in all the conditions. When you’re scared of something, the best

management technique is to control your mind, and keep telling your mind that there’s

no need to fear of, and you can manage it fearlessly. One of the things that is most

often that I think of in this situation is people who fear public speaking. The best way to

get over a fear for public speaking, ironically, is to speak in public. The more that you

do it, the more comfortable that you’ll be doing it, and pretty soon it becomes no big

deal. Another technique is to change the way that you think. Choose whatever causes

you the most stress and change the way that you see and think about it. This is called

“cognitive reframing.” It allows you to shift the way that you see a problem, which can

actually make the difference between whether or not you feel stressed by facing it.

Reframing techniques are not about tracking yourself out of being stressed or

pretending that your stressors don’t exist. Reframing is more about seeing solutions

and benefits and new perspectives. Being an optimist involves specific ways of

perceiving problems – ways that maximize your power in a situation and keep you in

touch with your options. Both of these things can reduce your experience of stress and

to help you feel empowered in situations that might otherwise overwhelm you. Another

good technique is breathing exercises. Feeling stressed evokes tense, shallow

breathing, while being calm is associated with relaxed breathing. So to turn your

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tension into relaxation, try changing the way that you breathe. Try this. Let out a big

sigh. Drop your chest and exhale gently through your mouth. Now imagine that your

low belly, or your center, as a deep powerful place. Feel your breath coming and going

as your mind stays focused on your center. Inhale, feeling your entire belly, sides, and

lower back expand. Then exhale, sighing again as you drop your chest, and feel your

belly, back, and sides contract. And repeat this ten times and feel more relaxed each

time that you do it. You’ll find by the end of ten times, you will actually be feeling more

relaxed. Let’s talk about controlling anger. Counting to ten is not just for kids. Before

reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply, count to ten.

Slowing down can diffuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or

the situation until your frustration subsides a little bit. As soon as you’re thinking more

clearly, express your frustration in an assertive, but non-confrontational way. State your

concerns and needs clearly and directly without hurting others or trying to control them.

Next technique involves learning to respond instead of to react. In the heat of the

moment, it’s easy to say something that you will later regret. Take a few minutes and

collect your thoughts before saying anything. And then allow others involved in the

situation to do the same thing. Many times, you become angry because you find people

in situations that literally will push your buttons, and we react automatically. Rather than

reacting to stressors in this way, you can learn to choose how to react or how to deal

with frustrating situations, and then you’ll respond rather than to react automatically.

There are many advantages to learning how to be more flexible in dealing with the

stresses and frustrations in your life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment.

It just feels good and powerful to know that you’re in charge of your response rather

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than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger

level going down as their feelings of empowerment go up. Last, let’s talk about

assertive communication. Discuss your feelings. The concept of communication and

letting your feelings out has been so excessively promoted and parodied that it’s nearly

lost its value as good psychological advice. Nevertheless, feelings of anger or

frustration that are not expressed in an acceptable way can lead to hostility, a sense of

helplessness, and depression. Expressing feelings does not mean venting frustration

on waiters and subordinates, boring friends with emotional minutia, or wallowing in self

pity. In fact, because blood pressure may spike when certain chronically hostile

individuals become angry, some therapists strongly advise that just talking – not simply

venting anger – is the best approach, especially with these people. The primary goal is

to explain and assert your needs to a trusted individual in as positive a way as possible.

Direct communication may not even be necessary. Writing in a journal or writing a

poem, or composing a letter that’s never even mailed might be sufficient. Expressing

one’s feelings solves only half of the communication puzzle. Learning to listen, to

empathize, to respond to others with understanding, is just as important for maintaining

the strong relationships necessary for emotional fulfillment and reduced stress.

[End of recording.]

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STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN MODULE FIVE – STRESS PREVENTION Female: Module Five – Stress Prevention. Know yourself and your limitations. In

life, there will be things that you can change, and then there will be things that you have

absolutely no control over. For better emotional stress management, learn to recognize

the things that can’t be changed and accept them. If you don’t, you’ll actually increase

your stress levels by worrying about things that you cannot affect. It can be very

stressful if you try to control something that is out of your reach. Don’t focus on things

that you cannot change. Just accept them. Every situation has some great

opportunities to offer. You should look for those opportunities and use them for your

personal growth. This is probably the most important one from all of the stress

prevention tips that I’m going to give you. Stress and self-sabotage – sometimes the

enemy is inside your head in the form of negative self talk. The way that we talk to

ourselves, while generally formed during childhood, can follow us throughout our lives

and color each experience like a ray of sunshine or a dark cloud surrounding us and

blocking our vision. Those whose self talk tends to be negative may attribute a level of

intent to others where none exists, interpret potentially positive events as negative and

missing important benefits, or creating a self fulfilling prophecy by believing that their

stress level is more than they can handle. If you suspect that you habitually use

negative self talk in your daily life, it’s not too late to learn positive self talk. By keeping

a journal and using other tools to become more aware of your inner voice, using positive

affirmations and surrounding yourself with positive people and positive energy, you can

turn things around for the better and experience much less mental and emotional stress

in your daily life. When talking about stress prevention techniques and tips, we have to

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talk about time management. Lack of time is probably one of the most common

reasons for stress. Learn to say no, plan ahead, don’t be late, prioritize and delegate

are just some of the things that you can do to prevent stress. I’m not going to go

through and have an entire time management course in this audio conference. But if

time management is one of your personal stressors, I certainly recommend that you do

take a time management course and take advantage of the techniques that you can

learn to manage your time and reduce your stress. Next, prioritizing. A good place to

start is by taking an honest look at your priorities. When you don’t set priorities, you

tend to follow the path of least resistance, which often means the same old same old. If

you find that you end up daily in a frenzy of activity, increasing your stress and your

blood pressure every afternoon, you probably needy to prioritize. One trick that I

recommend is sitting down in the evening before going to bed and writing down the

three most important tasks that you need to get done the next day. In the morning, take

out your list and tackle the first task right away. Then knock off the second, then the

third. Once you’ve finished the big three, you can start on the little things, already

having a sense of accomplishment that you got the most important things done.

Another common problem people have is disorganization. There are many great tools

out there to help you be more organized developed by people who have a real knack for

organizing. So take advantage of their expertise. The better organized that you are the

more time that you’ll have available to relax and recharge. Let’s look at your conflict

resolution skills. Do you tend to act aggressively with people when simple

assertiveness will work better? Or do you passively let others walk all over you

because you don’t know how to say no? Conflicts with others are generally a part of

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life. But how we deal with them actually strengthens relationships, or can cause loads

of additional mental stress for all involved and create bigger conflicts that take on a life

of their own. Interestingly, many people who act aggressively aren’t fully aware that

they’re doing harm in their relationships, and aren’t familiar with a better way of handling

things. Next, balance your lifestyle. By adopting a healthy lifestyle, you can increase

your resistance to stress. Bring something healthy to your everyday activities. Eat

healthy food, exercise regularly, avoid alcohol, reduce the intake of caffeine, and try to

get enough sleep. Take a day off. Take some time away to give yourself some

valuable time to re-evaluate your life and approach your problems from a position where

you can look at your life without having to deal with your everyday issues. Also, a lack

of rest can be a stress multiplier. A holiday will give you a feeling of rested and

refreshed and better placed to deal with whatever stressors that you have in your life.

Stress is a part of all our lives. But by taking some of these prevention steps, you can

help to avoid its worst effects. Take a structured approach to your problem and to your

overall health and wellbeing and you’ll better be able to deal with stress in a positive

way. Cultivate a supportive circle. One factor that can greatly increase the effects of

stressor factors in our lives is the feeling that we’re alone to deal with whatever is

troubling us. Stress can be reduced by discussing your problems with a friend or a

family member, or by joining some kind of support network or group. People often say

that a problem shared is half a problem, because merely having someone who is

prepared to listen will allow you to lay out your problem logically, helping to find a

solution rather than going over the same problem time and time again in your head.

Also, the perspective of another person can often be valuable in dealing with a problem

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or a source of stress. You should play games. Plan to do something that you enjoy on

a regular basis, whether it’s a hobby or a night on the town. And just learn to say no.

Everyone has responsibility in their lives, whether it’s for family, work, property, or

simply getting food on the table every day. A life that’s more complex seldom solves

any problems with stress. Therefore, choose the things that you accept responsibility

for carefully, both in your personal and professional life. If you accept extra

responsibilities, you have the double stress impact of having to honor that responsibility

while having less time for you and for your family. Everyone likes to be helpful, but be

realistic and honest about your limitations and capacity and let some commitments go.

Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks, and remember to preserve valuable time for yourself

and for your family. To sum up, recognize that you do have some personal control.

You may not be able to control what happens in your workplace or in the world at large,

but you can control how you react. Take care of your health. Eat well and get a good

night’s sleep. Exercise daily. That doesn’t mean you have to join a health club – just a

commitment to walk around the block. Look for relaxation techniques that personally

appeal to you. Meditate, for example, or get regular massage. Take up a hobby. Don’t

let your frustration build. Find ways to let off steam. Seek out a counselor or find a

confidant who isn’t judgmental. Keep a journal. Take a little time for yourself every day,

if only to sit in a warm bath or read a book unrelated to work. A walk in the forest or

park or by a river or lake on the weekend can revitalize you. Practice time

management. Organize systems that work at home for greater efficiency. Determine

the things that waste time during the day and try to eliminate them. Come up with polite

yet decisive ways to excuse yourself when the talk becomes particularly gloomy, for

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example. And ask for help. It’s not to your employer’s advantage to have workers

under chronic stress. Ask about employee assistance programs, stress management,

or time management training. If some of your coworkers are feeling stressed as well,

form a united front and approach your manager or boss to discuss the issue. Finally,

the next time that you observe that your breathing is shallower, you feel nervous or

tense or are a bit twitchy, whatever your stress symptoms are, you can take immediate

steps to calmness. Take three deep breaths, low and slow, and think about nothing but

your breathing. Do this anytime, anywhere. It takes just a couple of minutes and it

really works.

[End of recording.]