Janthe BagadionMae T. Laderas

Peaches G. NuarinAteneo de Manila University

MA in Religious Education

The Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising Children

INTRODUCTION:

A. Statement of the Problem

It is in the family that we learn our values. “The family is the divinely instituted place for

generosity, humility and charity to first take root and, with divine assistance, to be cultivated

from infancy, through childhood and adolescence, into adulthood”1

In Philippine context, there is a need to fully understand that receiving the Sacrament of

Matrimony is the start of a unity between two married people that will create a harmonious

relationship with God towards a new life.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that no one can dissolve. “So they are no longer two,

but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

(Mt.19:6). “By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in

the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Their belonging to each other is the real

representation, by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with the

Church.” 2

As couples are united in marriage, they should also be ready for the responsibility in

raising children and contribute to the development of the society. “According to the plan of God,

marriage is the foundation of the wider community of the family, since the very institution of

1 Fr. John Hardon , S.J. “The Catholic Family Vocations.” Institute on Religious Life2 John Paul II, “Familiaris Consortio” 13

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marriage and conjugal love is ordained to the procreation and education of children, in whom

they find their crowning.”

Marriage in the Philippines is an event well-prepared by couples and of the whole family

from the entourage to the reception and is a celebration that even last for a couple of days. It is a

day when couples pledge their love with each other in the presence of God and His church.

During the marriage rites, the couple is asked about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each

other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children.

The covenant in Marriage in the Sacrament of Matrimony in relation to the living faith as

Parent in relation to the Code of Canon Law 774 no. 2 states that “Parents above all others are

obliged to form their children in the faith and practice of the Christian life by word and

example”.3

Couples don’t usually understand the connection between the vows made in marriage to

their role as parents. It is like a one day event that serves as a turning point of their lives where

they change their civil status. There are even couples who don’t remember the words spoken

during the rites itself. How will they see the relation between their vows with their role as

parents without understanding the purpose of making their vows?

Considering these alarming issues and consequences, this paper is the modest attempt to

answer the problem: How can the Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the

role of parents in raising children.

B. SCOPE AND LIMITATIONS

3 Ibid. no. 14

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The topic will deal with the importance of the Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for

Understanding the Role of Parents in Raising Children in order to draw a connection to the

covenant made by couples in marriage and their obligations as parents.

We will be using the Catholic Marriage rite as one of our sources in understanding

marriage as “Covenant Love”. There is an article by David Padfield, “Wedding Vows Are

Sacred Vows” that explains the vows couples exchange on the day of their wedding. We will use

that as our reference in our attempt to explain the vows made during wedding and its significance

to couples as they start to build their own families.

This paper will be divided into two sub-topics which includes Part I focusing on Marriage

founded in love, its essence and vows and it will also focus on the understanding on Marriage as

Covenant Love as a unique sacrament that is built into the very nature of our human reality.

Part II will highlight the Marriage Rite as a guide to the couple as they were being asked

regarding their freedom, faith and acceptance in upbringing of children.

Though this paper gives emphasis on marriage as the start of a Christian family where

couples would eventually become parents to their children, we also recognize that there are

marriages where procreation is not possible. Children then could mean adopted children or

children from institutions to whom they would want to extend their help.

The target audiences for this paper are couples preparing for marriage in urban setting to

have a deeper understanding on becoming a responsible parent someday through the grace of the

Sacrament of Matrimony.

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C. SIGNIFICANCE OF THE PROBLEM

Objective Significance: “Marriage is a unique sacrament in that it is built into the very

nature of our human reality as created male and female through God’s love in the image of God

who is love and called to a covenant of loving one another in sharing God’s own divine love.“ 4

Through this relationship, we also build a family that is a vital cell of society that plays a big role

in upbringing children that is grounded with faith and practices.

Subjective Significance: The couple preparing for marriage will have a deeper

understanding of the covenant they will make during the celebration of the Sacrament of

Matrimony and to bridge the gap between Church teaching on the sacrament and the family. This

paper will help to strengthen the relationship between spouses and to have seriously assume their

responsibilities over their children.

D. METHODOLOGY:

The pressure of many things undone demands the people to step back and look

objectively to the true and deeper meaning of the Sacrament of Matrimony as basis for

understanding the role of parents in raising children.

We observed a typical problem among couples preparing for Matrimony—they focus on

the event as simply a big celebration and forget that it is a sacrament and a potential source for

understanding family life and parenthood. After identifying the problem arises from the

situation, the writers decided to do research through reading books, sharing and critiquing of

articles on family in THEO 248 class that led to the decision to bridge the gap on Matrimony and

4 Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics (Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997). no. 1996

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family and to have a deeper sense of understanding the uniqueness of marriage: a marital union

that must be fruitful in God’s union.

The following steps helped the writers to come up an outline of the whole paper. The

paper will start with the Introduction of Philippine context of Matrimony and family. Part I will

focus on Marriage as Covenant Love. Part II will show the connection of marriage rite to the role

of parents in raising children and finally, the writers will answer the problem: How can the

Sacrament of Matrimony serve as basis for understanding the role of parents in raising

children?

PART I:(A Second Look on the Vows of Marriage:)

Is there a need to have a second look on the Vows that couples uttered when they took the

Sacrament of Matrimony? Generally speaking, Filipinos highlight the celebration of marriage

and it is one of the most glamorous occasions that Filipinos celebrate. Quoting from Catechism

for Filipino Catholics 1877, “Marriage and family life, then, are acknowledged as among our

highest cultural values. Among Filipinos, marriage is an affair not only of two individuals, but

also between two family groups.”5 Many couples do not take their vow seriously on the day of

their wedding because they were too busy thinking on the ceremony , the visitors and other

matters that they were not able to pay attention on the vow itself. This is one of the reasons why

there is a need to have a second look on the Vows for it is there we could see the basis of the

relationship of being husband-father and wife-mother.

While it is true that the very foundation of every relationship is love, there is also a need

to acknowledge especially for young lovers that love is not only feelings for each other but it

5 Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics (Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1877

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goes beyond. It involves our Will. This is why some authors would say that “Love is not a noun

but a verb.” Husband and wife should constantly be aware of their marriage promises. Gaudium

et Spes 48 states,

Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love "are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day.6

This concept has been given emphasis in another church encyclical, Familiaris Consortio 20.

Accordingly, husband and wife should grow in communion with one another by being faithful to

each other through mutual loving service. Marriage, in this sense, following Familiaris

Consortio, is a covenant. The way we understand covenant is not confined with the written

contract wherein there is an expiration within the given period of time. Rather, this is really

based from the deep recesses of a person being shared mutually with the other person. This

agreement of two parties could also be seen or rooted in the Old Testament’s relationship of

Yahweh and his People. Deuteronomy 7:7-8 says:

It was not because you were more numerous than any other people that the LORD set his heart on you and chose you — for you were the fewest of all peoples. It was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath that he swore to your ancestors, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

God had chosen His people not for any reasons but God loves. With this, the love in marriage

should spring forth. Love is an act of the will not only an attraction to the person but seeing and

doing what would be the best for the other to grow and mature as God created us to be. The

mutual respect and observance of this covenant makes it sacred because through the married

couple they are becoming witnesses to the living God to others. Moreover, this covenant with

one another is not limited within the two parties but rather there is also a responsibility or a call 6 Gaudium et Spes 48

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to reach out to others such as raising children and being with the community. Familiaris

Consortio further states that;

…couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the reality of children, who are a living reflection of their love, a permanent sign of conjugal unity and inseparable synthesis of their being a father and a mother.7

Therefore, the love of the couple should also be seen by the fruits they bear, raising their children

to grow and mature as Christians.

Following the 1980 Synod of Bishops on the Family, Familiaris Consortio emphasized

four general tasks for the family:

1. Forming Community of Persons;

2. Serving Life;

3. Participating in the Development of the Community;

4. Sharing in the Life and mission of the Church.

The first task was already been discussed a while ago, it should be clear to the couple that once

they enter into married life, there is a task that they will be forming a community of persons.

The second task deals with the roles that members take part in the family. “Parents also serve

life by educating their children. They have the primary responsibility of educating their children

in the essential values of human life, such as a correct attitude of freedom, a sense of true justice,

and even more importantly a sense of true love, especially of the poor.”8 The third task would be

the family’s contribution to the development of the society. Then, the fourth would be the

family’s partaking in the evangelization of the church. Echoing from Evangelii Nuntiandi, “The

parents not only communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can

7 Familiaris Consortio. 148 Familiaris Consotio 37

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themselves receive the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.”9 Thus, parents have the task to be

the first evangelizers in the family.

PART II:(The Marriage Rites)

Looking through the Rites of Marriage, there are three things that are involved; the first is

the Intent. Couples are asked to state their intention or the purpose why this day they are in front

of the altar and the congregation. Second is the consent. This is where the minister would also

ask the couple if they had come on their freewill – voluntarily and consciously submitting

themselves to receive the sacrament. Then, the third is the blessing of rings and the exchange

of vows. This would be the symbol that the love and faithfulness of the couple has should be

forever.

The Intent. As the priest ask the couple to state their intention and as the couple respond

on their willingness that they came freely without reservations to submit themselves to one

another, the priest would also remind the couple of their “consecration in Baptism” and pray that

they may “assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity”. The union of the couple

must be faithful as Christ, the bridegroom who is absolutely faithful to the Church as His bride

and in this analogy; we can say that being faithful to one another is essential in building a

Christian family.

Marriage is the foundation of building a Christian community and ordained to procreation

of children (FC 14). In the rites of marriage, couples are asked: “Will you accept children

lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” With this,

couples are being admonished to be aware and to embrace their roles for their future offspring.

9 Evangelii Nuntiandi 71

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The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by His laws, and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent. Hence by that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept each other a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting one. For the good of the spouses and their off-springs as well as of society, the existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone.10

Thus, when they become parents, spouses receive from God the gift of a new responsibility.

Their parental love is called to become for the children the visible sign of the very love of God.11

Their children are usually called the fruit of their love to each other, “bunga ng pagmamahalan”

as we call it in our native language. Nonetheless, their fruitfulness does not only show in having

children but also their love being a witness to the divine love reflected on the good example

shown to others in the community.

It must not be forgotten however that, even when procreation is not possible, conjugal life does not for this reason lose its value. Physical sterility in fact can be for spouses the occasion for other important services to the life of the human person, for example, adoption, various forms of educational work, and assistance to other families and to poor or handicapped children. 12

In this regard, our church, acknowledges that there would be couples who, for whatever reasons,

would never have a biological child. Yet, this would never be a reason for them to become

“parents”. When a child is born because of their loving relationship, they must become one to

remain a family in Christ. The parents pour out their love to their children and perform the

duties to provide for their children’s need, guiding them in faith formation and creating a good

environment so that they will create a harmonious community that is grounded in the name of

love. “This gift of life is not only physical. It is enlarged and enriched by all those fruits of

moral, spiritual and supernatural life which they hand to their children and through the children

10 Gaudium et Spes 4811 John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 1412 Ibid. 14

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to the Church and to the world.”13 It is also a role of a parent to serve life by nurturing it through

by cooperating with God as we are made in His image and likeness. Parenting must also mean

educating the children by words and deeds, parents must practice what they teach to their

children by being a living example of their words.

Family as basic unit of the society means that each member of the family is not only a

member of his/her family, but of the whole community. The parent tries to express their love of

God and Christ with the Holy Spirit by participating in the development of the society. This is

the third task mentioned in the Familiaris Consortio, Participating in the development of

Society. “The very experience of communion and sharing that should characterize the family’s

daily life represents its first and fundamental contribution to society.”14 Likewise, this also leads

to the fourth task which is sharing in the life and mission of the church. “In a family which is

conscious of this mission, all the members evangelize and are evangelized. The parents not only

communicate the Gospel to their children, but from their children they can themselves receive

the same Gospel as deeply lived by them.”15 The more we are close to other people in doing well

for the society, the closer we commune with the Trinity.

T he consent . Along with their intent, the priest asks the couple if they had come on their

freewill. Once again, the couple is asked if they voluntarily and consciously submit themselves

to receive the sacrament of Matrimony that God may seal the love they profess before God and

His Church. The couples are asked to join their right hands, and declare their consent before God

and his church with their family and the community present as they say:

VOWS FORM A

13 Ibid. 2814 Ibid. 4315 Evangelii Nuntiandi 71

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G. I, GROOM, take you, BRIDE, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

B. I, BRIDE, take you, GROOM, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. (b) forever. (c) all the days of my life.16

As the couple receives the Sacrament, they themselves become a channel of grace to each other

and as one, are called to be examples of being good Christians, building a community that

radiates that love with the grace of God. Definitely, we acknowledge that the love relationship

of the couple started even long before their marriage.

This does not start their love relationship __ presumably they have been in love with each other for quite some time already. What they are doing is publicly vowing their exclusive and permanent love relationship, making it a sacrament, a public, efficacious sign of Christ’s redemptive love to each other, their offspring, and their community.”17

Going through the rites of marriage, during that special day, the couples pledge to take each

other to be his wife or her husband as they say; I, GROOM/ BRIDE, take you, BRIDE/ GROOM,

to be my wife/husband18…In these words, couples accept each other in a special way as a

person… in their very selves. This acceptance means: “I want you to be – to flourish, to

become your truest, fullest self”19 This would also mean that the couples will help each other

become a better person, a better Christian and parents – a call to which married life leads. It will

not be easy though but entails selflessness and love. Married couples then are called one –

“magkabiyak”. In this oneness, it requires the husband and wife to be fully aware of their mission

of responsible parenthood which today is rightly much insisted upon, and which also must be

exactly understood.

16 http://contemporarycatholics.org/Marriage_Ceremony.html Access May 9,201417 Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics (Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1898.18 http://contemporarycatholics.org/Marriage_Ceremony.html Access May 9, 201419 Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics (Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1909.

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The blessing of rings and the exchange of vows. The ring would be the symbol that the

love and faithfulness of the couple have should be forever. As the rings are blessed, the priest

prays that the couple who wear them will live together in peace and compassion. The ring is a

sign of their love and fidelity in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. In

the exchange of vows, the couple pledge to one another that they will always be faithful to each

other till death do they part, but sometimes other couples prepare their own vows prior to the

wedding to make it more meaningful but then it is also grounded into the marriage rite. These

acts by which husband and wife are united in God’s love that has inseparable connection, they

are destined to continue raising up new lives where “children are really the supreme gift of

marriage and contribute very substantially to the welfare of their parents”.20

Conclusion:

The Sacrament of Matrimony serves as basis for understanding the role of parents in

raising children if the couples truly understand the commitment they are promising to one

another and accept the big responsibilities in making a primary community within themselves

that plays a pivotal role in renewing Christ’s life and forming communities of the Lord’s

disciples. The family journey together in faith-life initiated and guided towards maturity assisted

by educational institutions, formation of conscience, the life and worship is nurtured and

continue their loving relationship that is grounded in God’s love.

20 Gaudium et Spes 50

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IMPLEMENTATION:

Topic: The Sacrament of Matrimony as Basis for Understanding the Role of the Parent in Raising Children

Audience: The couple preparing for marriage (Pre-Cana)

Session: 1 hour; 1 session

Opening:

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no

human being must separate.” Mt. 19:6.

“By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in

the most profoundly indissoluble manner. Their belonging to each other is the real

representation, by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with the

Church.” 21 “According to the plan of God, marriage is the foundation of the wider community of

the family, since the very institution of marriage and conjugal love is ordained to the procreation

and education of children, in whom they find their crowning.” 22

Context:

In Philippine context, there is a need to fully understand that in receiving the Sacrament

of Matrimony is the start of a unity between two married people that will create a

harmonious relationship with God towards a new life

Christian family starts in marriage

The Catholic Marriage rite as one of our sources in understanding marriage as “Covenant

Love”.

21 John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio 13 22 Ibid. no. 14

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By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, spouses are bound to one another in the

most profoundly indissoluble manner.

“Parents above all others are obliged to form their children in the faith and practice of

the Christian life by word and example”. (Code of Canon Law 774 #2)

Exposition:

The couple preparing for marriage will have a deeper understanding of the covenant they

will make during the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony and to bridge the gap between

Church teaching on the sacrament and the family. This paper will help to strengthen the

relationship between spouses and to have seriously assume their responsibilities over their

children.

This paper will be divided into two sub-topics which includes Part I focusing on Marriage

founded in love, its essence and vows and it will also focus on the understanding on Marriage as

Covenant Love as a unique sacrament that is built into the very nature of our human reality.

Part II will highlight the Marriage Rite as a guide to the couple as they were being asked

regarding their freedom, faith and acceptance in upbringing of children.

Part I: Marriage as Covenant Love

Part II: Marriage Rite

Intent

Consent

Blessing of Rings and Exchange of Vows

The Role of Parents in Raising Children

Following the 1980 Synod of Bishops on the Family, Familiaris Consortio

emphasized four general tasks for the family:

Forming Community of Persons;

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Serving Life;

Participating in the Development of the Community;

Sharing in the Life and mission of the Church.

Integration:

Worship: “Marriage is a unique sacrament in that it is built into the very nature of our human

reality as created male and female through God’s love in the image of God who is love and

called to a covenant of loving one another in sharing God’s own divine love.“23

Doctrine: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined

together, no human being must separate.” Mt. 19:6.

Morals: Parents have the duty to provide the needs of their children, guiding them in

faith and morals, and creating for them an environment for personal growth. (CFC 1026)

23 Episcopal Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education (ECCCE) Catechism for Filipino Catholics (Manila: Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines, 1997), 1996

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