Supporting children through family breakdown

Emma Cohn Co-founder

Who we are

Emma Cohn

• Drama therapist, registered with HPC • Previously worked at Kid’s Company and currently working at a

children’s bereavement charity.

Stacey Hart • Trained counsellor, member of BACP • Specialising in children and bereavement

Children and divorce

• 50% of children will be living with one parent by the time they are 16

• NSPCC revealed statistic only 10% of children will find someone to talk to

• ‘there is evidence to indicate that children of divorced parents have higher rates of disturbance than when there is a bereavement in the family’ Mary Lobascher

• ‘There is a conspiracy of silence about the painful effects of divorce’ Dr Sebastian Kraemer

• Research by the youth justice system

• Family Justice Review

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• Greater risk of depression

• Behavioural problems and school difficulties

• Anxious and withdrawn

• Low self esteem

• Self blame and misconception

• Long term psychological effects

• Loss of proximity and protection of an attachment figure

Impact

Healthy adjustment to family breakdown

• Good enough parenting

• Reduced conflict between parents

• Access to support

A new idea

• a kidspace was formed in 2011 aims to provide children with support and the skills to cope with their parents’ separation or divorce.

• a kidspace one to one sessions and group workshops cover a range of themes and feelings and is unique and currently the only service of its kind in the UK.

Why? • Parents may be engrossed in own chaos and often leave children to

cope alone. • Children may not feel like communicating with their parents, they may be angry about their parent’s decision/concern of causing further upset.

• Children gain comfort from others in similar situation. • Strong similarities with child bereavement.

Our aims and vision for children

• To understand that there can be 'happiness and normality’ after parent's separation.

• To provide a safe and confidential space that is their own.

• To access support, communicate worries and feel less isolated.

• To clarify children‘s misconceptions about their parents’ separation.

• To enhance children's coping and communication mechanism as well as build on confidence, advocacy and self care.

Our aims for parents...

• Alleviate concern for child’s welfare by providing constructive feedback.

• Access other healthcare professionals if necessary.

• Know that child is expressing and exploring inner feelings.

• Peace of mind and comfort.

• May assist newly separated parents in reaching settlement more amicably and quickly.

The workshops

• Explore the effect of family breakdown on children by presenting creative and therapeutic games, art, puppets, role play, stories and relaxation which engage children and help them to safely express their feelings.

• Answer 'unanswered questions'

• Feelings folder

• Worry post box

Your parents may have decided to separate from one another because they have stopped loving each other. Sometimes love between parents can end, but love between parents and their children is the kind of love that never ends. It is forever love. So even if your parents have stopped loving each other, they still love you forever. Cut out the heart below and decorate it.

Add it to your Feel better bag or stick it on your bag as a reminder that your parents love you forever.

My parents love me forever

My Parents Love Me Forever

Look at the Worry Head. All the worries are numbered from 1 to 10. 10 is the largest worry in your life, and 1 is the smallest. So 10 is a very big worry in your life that will not go away, and 1 is a little worry. 5 is a medium sized worry. Draw or write your worries on the worry head. You might find that something you think is just a little worry is actually more than that, and you are just telling yourself it is a little worry when in fact it is a big one!! Do you have any worries like that?

Imagine that you are part of a worry team. This is a group of very clever people who spend their time inventing ways of getting rid of worries. Make a list of things you could do with worries. How inventive can you be?

Expressing Your Anger Rules It’s OK to feel angry BUT… • Don’t hurt others • Don’t hurt yourself • Don’t hurt property DO Talk about it

What makes you feel angry?

What can you do that is OK to express your anger?

Your parents may be the two people who take care of you the most, but there may also be other people in your life who care for and help you. These people can also help you when you are feeling a bit sad or worried about the changes in your family. Some may be other family members, some may be people with jobs who help take care of children. Who are the people in your world that can help you?

Giving a helping hand • You have learned a lot about dealing with your parent’s

separation and you can give a helping hand to others.

• Trace an outline of your hand in the space below and on the inside of the hand write a helpful message to other children who are dealing with their parent’s separation.

Something for your Feelings Folder Hug Coupons

When you are feeling upset, you can ask a parent for a hug. Cut out the Hug Coupon below and, next time you are feeling upset, give it to your parent to let him or her know that you need a hug.

Kid’s top tips for parents

1. Remember your mum and dad still love you

2. Mum and dad please don’t talk badly about each other behind the other ones back

3. Stand up for yourself if people tease you about the divorce

4. Ask your mum and dad to try and be nice to each other

5. If you feel sad or angry about something that you enjoy that takes your mind off the divorce

6. If you talk to your mum and dad about your feelings, ask them to listen!!

7. Speak to someone or join a kidspace group

8. Talk to people who is going through the same thing as you

9. Don’t think its your fault, it’s an adult problem

10.Smile and be positive.

a kidspace training Some of the training includes;

• Family Breakdown and how it impacts children’s well-being.

• What factors optimise negative and positive outcomes for children.

• Family breakdown and how to link them with relevant theories.

• Working in groups.

• Working creatively and using stories with children.

A facilitation and training manual

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Kids in the middle

“Thank you a kidspace. My son loved the whole experience of the

groups, feeling at ease and eager to go every week. He loved being with other children whose parents were divorced and felt so happy at being with other children in a similar situation as he feels there is no one else who understands what he is going through.

After the first session he came out elated saying he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was wonderful as a

parent to sit outside and hear the children having so much fun and coming out laughing and smiling. This was a very positive

experience at an important time for my son.”

A mother’s testimonial

Children’s feedback

• It has helped me feel less stressed and speak out’

• ‘ It has helped me feel more confident to talk to people

• ‘I think my friends should come to akidspace because it would help them a lot like it helped me’

• ‘It was amazing and stupendous’

• ‘I had a lot of fun. I am very sad we are ending, I met 10 new lovely people’

• ‘When I came here I was worried, and now I am relaxed and had fun’

Our hopes for children...

• Express, manage and cope with difficult feelings.

• Access support and support networks.

• Understand and make sense of what is happening at home.

• Make them more resilient and self reliant.

• Adjust to their situation in a healthy way.

• Feel less isolated and more secure.

Q & A