surgo halloween edition 2012

8/12/2019 Surgo Halloween Edition 2012

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The Surgo Team

Editor in Chief:

Josh NielsenAssistant Editor:

James

Tadjkarimi

Arts editor extraordinaire:

Tom Baddeley

Finance editor:

Lucy Waite

Production editor:

Katie Lunn

The Surgo Contents

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NB All photos are genuine Facebook profile pictures (though some less than current), apart from James, who doesnt have

Facebook, and is therefore a squid.


4/20

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5/20

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Name: Mr. Jacob Ee

Age: Undisclosed

Presenting Complaint: Confused, found wandering in Kelvingrove Park

Past Medical History:Notes show treated for large animal bite 1/12 ago

Family History:

Drug History:

Social History:

Examination:Signs of neglect - hair overgrown, abnormally long nails and teeth

Diagnosis: ?Homeless alcoholic

Management:Referal to social services. Non-urgent patient has been playing

with a chew toy someone gave him in A&E and seems pretty happy.

Date: 31/10/12

Time: 20:07

Name: Mr. Hydimeanjekyll

Age: 42

Presenting Complaint: Injuries following violent assault

Past Medical History:Nil of note

Family History: Nil of note

Drug History: Patient admits to self-medication but refuses to state what with

Social History:History of trouble with police. Former doctor. Now claims to work in aLeague for some Extraordinary Gentleman - ? male prostitute

Examination:Tremor, sweating, signs of withdrawal

Diagnosis: Severe bipolar disorder

Management:Confiscate medication, urgent psychiatric referral

Date: 31/10/12

Time: 22:14

Unable to establish proper history - accent so strong justsounds like growling

Name: Mr. Drake Yula

Age:

128

Presenting Complaint: Dizziness + collapse

Past Medical History:Patient notes unavailable

Family History:Looks shifty and says Theyre all fine.

Drug History: Garlic allergy. Repeat presciption factor 90 sunblock.

Social History:Former addict, but claims to be reformed since finding steady workat Red Cross

Examination:Skin pallour, unable to locate pulse. Numerous scars from repeatedtrauma to precordium.

Diagnosis: Chronic anaemia secondary to porphyria (Stokers Syndrome)

Management:Stake through the heart, this patient is clearly a vampire.

Date: 31/10/12

Time: 23:59

Signed: Dr. Josh Nielsen


6/20

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DEATH INWe all learn about keeping patients alive, but how much do we know about when they die? Josh Nielsen


7/20

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THE NHS

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8/20

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Glasgow lays claim to the title of most haunted place in Scotland, which Im sure is exactly why you all chose it to live

and work in. Here is a collection of a few well known encounters to make walking home from HIVE a bit more exciting.

Haunted Hospitals

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11/20

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12/20

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13/20

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14/20

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15/20

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16/20

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The Case ForJames Tadjkarimi

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17/20

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The Case AgainstJosh Nielsen

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18/20

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A Secret History

Of The Pub by James Tadjkarimi

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$23


19/20

19

Today, Britain isnt short of pubs by any stretch,but the institutions existence is currently under

threat. There are an estimated 60,000 knocking

about but roughly 50 go out of business every week. Some are bought up by Chains like Weatherspoons and Yates;

destined to become uninspiring rebranded bars with sticky floors and flat beers. But most just get demolished or turned into

housing. Of course the smoking ban and economic downturn have obviously had a major hand in the decline of the pub, but

a lot of it stems from folks just choosing to pick up as much cheap larger as is possible to carry from any well-to-dosupermarket for discount pricing. Theres very little a pub landlord can do about this other than weep into their pint and

raise their prices partly due to government taxation and partly just to break even on income.

Ifyou ask the average Joe on the street why they think so many pubs are closing down, chances are that theyllquote one of these reasons, but another thats often overlooked, or not even known about is due to Pubcos (Pub

companies). I wonder how many of you have heard of Punch Taverns? Punch Taverns is a Pubco that owns 5000 pubs

across the UK. They lease the pub to potential landlords in exchange for a contractual obligation to buy all beer, wine &

spirits solely from that Pubco. A company like Punch can then set the price on alcohol as high as they would like ultimately

forcing you & I to pay astronomical prices for our favourite tipple. This leaves the landlord in quite a bind, as it tends to

make their booze dens unfavourable to the average punter. Declining sales leads to landlords not able to pay the rent to the

Pubcos and causes many of them to declare themselves bankrupt. As if that wasnt dastardly enough, these companies even

have a way of closely monitoring how much alcohol you sell in your pub in the form of Brewline boxes- a computerizedsystem that measures how much beer and cider passes through the beertaps. This acts as a deterrent to stop landlords from

selling anything that isnt bought from their respective Pubco. Sounds like quite a corrupt system if you ask me; which is

why you should either sign a petition on CAMRA (Campaign for real ale) asking the Coalition to put pressure on these

Pubcos or start going to Freehouses instead (independently owned pubs not leased by Pubcos) as they set their own prices

and have a far higher degree of ownership.

The Eagle and Child,Oxford- It was here that C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien met as a discussion group known as TheInklings and talked at great depth about fantasy fiction. Theres some discrepancy in source material but at one time or

another Tolkien was said to be reading aloud from a draft of one of his manuscripts only to have Lewis cry out Oh no, not

another fucking elf! My thoughts exactly C.S., those books go on for far too long and feature far too much walking.

The Old Forge,Inverie this pub, dubbed the most remote in mainland Britain, is inaccessible by road prospectivedrinkers must take either an 18-mile walk over mountains or a 7 mile sea crossing

The Oldest Thirteenth Chesire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn,Stalybridgefamous simply for having thelongest name of any pub in Britain

Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, St. Albans though the title of Oldest Pub in Britain is a hotly contested one, with severalplaces vying for the honour, the Guinness World Records folks currently recognise this place as the most ancient watering

hole, whose building dates back to the 9thcentury.

The Ancient Order Of Froth Blowers

One pub whose claim to fame is more eccentric than most is the

Swan Inn in Fittleworth. In the early 20s & 30s this became the

headquarters of The Ancient Order of Froth Blowers - a

philanthropic society set up by a Mr. Bert Temple following a

stomach operation by the famed surgeon Sir Alfred Fripp. As a

gesture of gratitude, Temple decided to raise funds for Fripps

chosen charity- The Invalid Childrens Aid Association by creatingthe Order of Froth Blowers. Each member received a silver set of

silver cufflinks, a membership booklet, and card entitling them to

blow froth off any member's beer "and occasionally off non-

members' beer provided they are not looking or are of a peaceful

disposition". Their motto soon became "Lubrication in Moderation".

The idea was to meet regularly in pubs to enjoy "beer, beef and

baccy", and there to be fined for heinous sins, such as not wearing

the cuff-links (dinners opened with the highest ranking member, the

"Senior Blower", giving the command "Gentlemen, shoot your linen"

at which point all members showed their cuffs. All fines and residual

membership fees were then sent to Sir Alfred and Lady Fripp fortheir "Wee Waifs" of the East End of London. At its peak the Order

had up to 700,000 members and at least one monkey who appeared

to be partial to a tall pint of Whitbread stout.

The order was unfortunately disbanded following the deaths of

Temple & Fripp and due to mounting pressure from the Temperance

movement that sought to outlaw alcohol.


20/20

Halloween Horoscope!

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Aries - If you have been reluctant to make a move,

Aries, consider why? Is it that you are too lazy to stand

up and do something? Or is it that sofa just really

comfortable?

Taurus- The carrot and the stick can both be yourfriends today. But beware there is trouble afoot and you

have to be prepared. I can feel it coming in the airtonight, hold on.

Gemini- Venus is aligned in your path so this month isabout trying to make ends meet. But dont worry; you

can get through it by not being a slave to money.

Cancer- You are feeling sexy and free and life now is

like a shot of pure gold. Allow yourself to experience

this elixir, because next month, the stars are not aligned

for you.

Virgo - Here you go again; you say you want yourfreedom. Well who am I to keep you down? You need to

play the way you feel it, but when the rain washes you

down, you will know the truth.

Libra- Is there that person who has a way of lifting you

up instead of bringing you down? Well youve got love in

store! Neptune has passed over the horizon so this is

the time to make your move!

Scorpio- Mercury is coming for you, you might find

that your laid back attitude can save you in times likethis. Lay low and let someone else take the lead now.

Sagittarius - The bad moon rises and your plans willmeet harsh opposition. When its raining, the faster you

run, the wetter you get so take shelter and let it all blow

over.

Capricorn- Jupiter is not visible so this month will beemotionally unsettling. Choose your path carefully and

blue is an important colour for you.

Do you have an interest in journalism or writing in general?

Are you curious about the influence of the wider world on medicine, and vice versa?

Do you have an opinion or perspective you think should be heard?

Join the writing team at Surgo!

If youre interested or want to know more, e-mail Josh at [email protected].

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WORD SEARCH

Halloween

Zombie

Hive

Witch

Ghost

Trick

Treat

Goblin

Pumpkin

Haunted

Aquarius- This is the month for composure and

serenity. Watch all the disputes from a distance and

do not get involved, it will make you uncomfortable.

Pisces- Uranus is not alone this month so neither

should you be! Just remember to watch your back;

others might not like your new-found optimism.

Leo - Mars is in Scorpio until the end of the month so

now is the time for teamwork. Make new social events

and spend time with people who share interests.

surgo halloween edition 2012

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